Do you see this body
With etched on lines framing my eyes
When I smile
Or frown
This extra luggage
Around my middle weighing me down
Pounds of flesh
Wide platypus feet
Gray that I try to hide
The windows of my soul are grimy
Teeth that are stained from too many cigarettes
And coffee
Hair that is chopped off short
So that I look like a boy
An eyebrow ring
Tattoos
See me
Not conforming
To a society that is starched white
With pleats
I am woman
I spit at injustice
Hear the voice that I speak
It comes from many years on this earth
I am more than this body
There is no truth to an unkind justice
Do not be blind
Speak from your inner voice
The silence is loud
It is also unassuming
You are at the right place in time
There is only this moment
You and I are more than just a body
We have purpose
And dignity
We can lie awake in the darkness
Counting blessings
It is much better than sheep
We can wake up from this sleep
And be aware
That we are not alone
And loneliness is an adversary
We can fight it
Find solitude in the quiet

You saw me,
Broken under the tree.
I sat alone,
Trying to be my own person.
Trying to live without a crutch.
But I guess you looked through me,
And saw the broken little girl I am.

I wish you hadn't scooped me up.
I wish you hadn't started caring for me.
I wish I hadn't cared for you.

You saw me cry.
You didn't know how much baggage I carried.
What I had,
You could never deal with.
The baggage I carry,
Needs someone to be around all the time.

I've been neglected.
Ive been lied to.
Ive been left out on the street to fend for myself.
Ive been left to fight other peoples battles.

I just want to be my own person.
I want to not hurt anymore.
So please,
If you see me sitting under that tree,
Alone.
Don't come up,
And try to save me.
You would be trying to win a losing battle.

The mirror said nice things about me today.
But tomorrow it will probably be biased,
And strongly opinionated,
To say otherwise.

Driving me into darkness
Windows shut
Eyes shut
Huddled in fetal position
I couldn't stop the frightened tears running down my face

That strange sense
That looming animosity I was clutched in
It has never disappeared
Even if it never truly existed

This tower over me, this shadow
The bane of everything I dream about
Haunts me

I can't speak, not face to face
Look in the eyes
Hear that piercing, blasting voice
I go numb
I'm stupefied

Alone and vulnerable
I feel so weak and defenseless
Just the mention of it
Curdles my blood

Treated like a friend but feeling like
I am the prey
Going cold in an instant, tense and dry
Wishing only to look at the floor

I wouldn't dare approach
Nor wish to be approached
It's like meeting a black hole
And feeling the blackness of the gravity on the hairs of your skin

I can't scream, I can't cry
I can't run and hide or fight
I just have to find a shield
And pray the fire doesn't come beating down

This is a phobia
It has no particular name
But I'm sure it's not natural
It is something to worry about
It is something to stay away from

Just leave

Leave me alone

Hands shaking
Heart pounding
Head spinning
Is this what I want to do?

Keyboard clicking
I hit 'enter'
Waiting impatiently
For your response.

Heart pounding
Head spinning
Smiling
Relieved
Holding my head in my hands.

I trust you completely.

The matter of my sanity
Is nothing for you to yearn.
Just something for me to know,
And for you to learn.

My mind is cracking,
The flaws becoming apparent.
My soul is shattering...
Splitting me into nothing.

But my bonds...
They hold me together.
They keep me stable...
Under control.

Like a light
In the darkest night,
They lead me to where
I should take residence.

Sheltering my soul,
My mind and my heart
From the evils forces at work...
Saving me from utter destruction.

My twin and my love,
The strongest of them all.
Holding me up
While I don't let them fall.

The matter of my sanity
Is nothing for you to yearn...
Just something for me to know,
And for you to learn.

Even though sometimes
I don't know where I stand...

I can always look around,
And see the ones I love.

With a smile on my face
And a passion in my heart...

The strength in my spirit
Even when I'm falling apart...

I can always be with them,
No matter where our shells lie.

So whatever happens,
Whenever time stops...

We never have to say goodbye.

This truth it has stabbed my heart
Like a thousand needles slowly making their way
This love has made me fall apart
I'm broken glass, I'm the broken glass of man

The stabs gets harder every day
The needles they come closer to my heart
As I grow it tears me to pieces
I'm tattered cloth, thrown in the litter

As I try to recover and stand straight
I realize how crocked my back has been all this time
I can't walk straight
Cause my guilt and my shame, brings me down

But even thought through all this
I have still small light that shines to me every day
Cause even in my darkest days
It can still make me smile, it always wants me to live

I talk like this is all over
I talk is as I'm soon to die
But the truth is
I'm here to stay, just to watch that small light, every single day

I have a diamond in a box
It sits in a safe that's tightly locked
In darkness its beauty is forever sealed
Its gleaming features never revealed

Crooks and thieves that crave its wealth
Have tried to steal it with their stealth
Failure follows them every time
Death is the penalty for this crime

Often times, to make them feel shame
I have them participate in a little game
They bet their souls like poker chips
Completely aware of what's at risk

If they win, I will hold up my side of the deal
And give them what they came to steal
But if their game results in loss
Their souls are placed inside my box

The diamond inside is not of carbon
But of the souls so carelessly bargained
Tightly packed into a mass
They glow and shimmer like pure glass

So I welcome all thieves, crooks and liars
In the hopes of adding their souls to the pile
And if you try to pick my lock
Remember, eternity is a long time to spend in a box

They say speaking is silver and silence is gold,
In some cases it might be true.
But there is also a truth that goes untold,
Even if it might be quite blue.

Silence is sometimes bad,
Not always so don't get upset.
Some things that are evil can make us go mad,
Some things that are even a threat.

Even if your enemies will make your blood boil,
The silence of your friends will be what hurts you more.
Words might hurt us, but silence can torment us.

Oh Recycle Bin,
How you taunt me so.
Plump from my ideas,
With none for me to show.

Your mouth always open,
Waiting to be fed
The words that roll about
So messy in my head.

Each scrap a banquet,
Each page a tasty treat.
You grin at my failure
And swell from my defeat...