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Similar Deviations
I would cut
just to feel the pain
just to know
that my life was worth it

Every inch on my arm
every inch on my leg
I would cut
just to feel the pain deep inside

To watch the blood pour down
to cry in happiness
I would cut
just to know that I still feel

Cutting my skin
burning it completely
I would suffer in agony
just to see if I still feel

Every scar that is there
every inch that I cut
it just proves
how much my life was worth it

I would cut
just to feel the pain
to know that Im still alive
to know that I still feel

Feeling of pain
feeling of torture
I would cut
to know that I still feel
In this world...
A poem about Self-Harm, that I used to do, but not anymore
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Love lies.

And I was never in love.
I will deny it every time you ask.
I will say "No."
I will say "It didn't mean anything."
I will say "I'm fine."

Love lies
In your fingertips as you trace
The curves of my body,
Memorizing every turn.
And I was happy.

But suddenly I'm screaming and
Holding my head in my hands
Because I can't remember how to breathe.
And I'm pounding my dashboard because
I can't handle listening to this song anymore.
But I don't like the silence.

Love lies,
And I didn't ask for this.
I didn't mean to spit my heart out so close
To your feet because you keep stepping on it,
And I don't think you even realize it.

I don't want to lean into your words
As they fall from your soft lips
Because I know that they're false.
And it makes me angry as hell.

I guess what I'm saying is:
I don't need you.
I don't want you.
I was never yours.

Love lies.

And I was never in love.
I will deny it every time you ask.
I will say "No."
I will say "It didn't mean anything."
I will say "I'm fine."
I have nothing left to say.

9/17/12
EDIT:
My goodness! I just wanted to thank all of you for all of your support! It means so much to me. Thank you all for reading. :)
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the loneliness is a bleeding wound
mutilated my body
tortured my mind
with dark ideas has become a habit

I am afraid of myself
I do not like reality
I hide in my nightmares
order to escape from life
sadness, loneliness, pain
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I want to tell you something although I
Don’t know why I even try.
You were never the type who liked
To listen to what was on my mind,
But I’ll just keep talking anyway.
Maybe this time I’ll get through.

Here’s the thing:
I want to be the reason why
You can’t sleep at night,
Or the reason you don’t eat.
I want you to feel that twist
In your stomach when you see
Something that reminds you of me.

I want you to know the
Feeling of a heart that has been torn.
It beats in your chest, but it still isn't
Enough to convince you that you’re alive.
I want you to feel emptiness every
Time you realize that I’m not there,
And that it is because of you.

Believe me when I say I don’t
Miss you, and that I never could have
Possibly been in love with you.
I want you to see what you've done,
And actually mean it when you say you’re sorry.
I want so many things that will never happen
All because you were better than I was.
Words, words, words.
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Today I saw a girl on the bus,
who had the deepest sorrow glazed across her eyes,
she sat three rows in front of me and took the window seat,
She stared out through the glass,
sun rays peaking through the trees as the bus was moving,
the way the light hit her face, beautiful.
Simply beautiful.
She traced an outline of a figure on the window,
then quickly looked around and rubbed it out.
I wondered what's on her mind?
her face expression showed a flicker between emotions,
from sadness and sorrow to quick bursts of happiest and joy.

She got up, the bus stop, she walked past and looked at me.
For a brief moment I felt her pain and her hurt,
every time shes been knocked down and every time her trusts been misused,
the way people cursed at her and the way people beat her,
all the times she tried to hide and all the times she sat alone and cried,
everything she wanted to be and everything she wanted to let go of,
the battle scars she reflected on her skin,
and the battle scars which were reflected on her heart.

She wasn't a stranger to me,
We could relate her and I.
She got off the bus, I journeyed on.
Both of us go in different directions.
/
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I have a diamond in a box
It sits in a safe that's tightly locked
In darkness its beauty is forever sealed
Its gleaming features never revealed

Crooks and thieves that crave its wealth
Have tried to steal it with their stealth
Failure follows them every time
Death is the penalty for this crime

Often times, to make them feel shame
I have them participate in a little game
They bet their souls like poker chips
Completely aware of what's at risk

If they win, I will hold up my side of the deal
And give them what they came to steal
But if their game results in loss
Their souls are placed inside my box

The diamond inside is not of carbon
But of the souls so carelessly bargained
Tightly packed into a mass
They glow and shimmer like pure glass

So I welcome all thieves, crooks and liars
In the hopes of adding their souls to the pile
And if you try to pick my lock
Remember, eternity is a long time to spend in a box
another pppooooeeeemmmm!
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Your face is smooth
        like the edge of a freshly wiped blade

Your skin is warm
        like teardrops in a steel morgue

Your hands are soft
        like linen sheets over pale, cool remains

Your hair falls to your shoulders
        with the accuracy of a weighty noose

Your stride is as confident
        as a blood-spattered Gladiator

Your legs send my heart
        into a state of hysteria with an assassin's efficiency

Never have I wanted so badly
        something so fearsome
        so bone-chilling


                Now tell me, my darling,
                that you feel the same.
'
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Stop.
I need you to stop what you're doing
And listen to me for a second.
I need you to understand my words
Even though they fall carelessly from my lips.
It will only take a few minutes, I promise.

I need you to know that I love you,
And that I always have.
I cared for you more than myself.
Nothing else matter as long as
You were there to comfort me,
And I thank you for that.

I think you should know that when I
Woke up this morning my first thoughts
Were of you, as they are every morning.
I wanted to know how you felt,
If you were okay,
If you were thinking of me…

Now for the hard part:
I need you to know that I don't want this.
Because it completely blindsided me.
I was suddenly picked up out of this universe
And thrown into another.
And now I am constantly needing a reminder of how to breathe.

I did not ask for this.
I could have picked someone better;
Someone who would wrap their arms
Around my waist and mean it when
They say that everything is okay,
But I didn't. I didn't choose.

I want you to know that I miss you
Every single second of every single day,
But I don't want this anymore.
I don't want to worry about when I
Will see you next, or whether or not
You'll feel like talking to me today.

I need you to know that I'm finally gone
Because I don't want to be stuck in the why's anymore.
I need you to know that I'm terrified
Because I don't remember what life is without you.
Lastly, I need you to know that despite everything,
I will never forget the feel of my hand in yours.
I cried while writing this.

I know you'll probably read it.
I'm sorry.
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I'm a monster
I'm a freak
Save yourself
Stay away

I lash out
I break
I hurt
I'm sorry

I lost control
For one moment
Pushed over the edge
It was too much

I can't believe it
What is wrong with me?
How could I do this?
It won't happen again

But still stay away
Why not?
Why be near me?
What good is there to hold by?

Theres one light left
One candle
On the outside
To relight the others inside
I just... punched a hole in a drywall... I can't even believe it... I'm messed up... I won't name the cause of my anger... I just...what is wrong with me? That's the question... my head is just totally screwed up
I don't know what else to say.. I can't even get mad at myself over this, because that's just feeding the anger... Just have to cry it off...
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i feel change, the way
the birdsong changes when the
cat goes out for lunch
it doesn't feel good.
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