Haunted Fields of IndigoWhy do I find myself wandering these haunted fields,
Following a shadow of a spirit...
Pulled by the barbed wire wrapped around my throat,
and the poison threatening my blood....
Desperate glances behind, remind me,
that I can't help the way I feel...
But why do I find my self confessing my heart's true song,
To a moon that will never hear...
Here I am, my knees bloodied and torn in the dried, tarnished straw,
I can only imagine the luscious taste of sweet moon's light...
But here I am, bound by my love, bound for all eternity,
my love for those who cannot return it to me...
I will never find my way,
out of these haunted fields of indigo.
Your Feline Shadow...Go ahead and tell me,Your Feline Shadow...3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Your darkest deepest fear,
Whisper it, type it slow,
And never let them hear
Because you know how much I care,
You know what I really mean,
And because I care so deeply,
You're secret's safe with me.
Go ahead and tell me,
Who you really love,
Whisper it, and type it slow,
And never let them know
Because you know that I still care,
So I'll never tell you no,
I'll support your whims on hand,
And never to let go.
So go ahead and tie the string,
Draw the face of my true soul,
Tickle, laugh, and trick me, boy,
But you have to know,
That these games make it difficult,
They make it oh so hard
I care for you,
And yet you're not sure..... who you care for
And I can't let go
I'll be here,
Waiting, smiling, laughing, and playing as always seen.
I'll be here,
Hoping, trusting, caring, and saying what I mean
And you'll be there,
Swaying to and fro,
Never knowing who to love
I'm your feline shadow, boy,
My Label/ Hi, My Name Is...Sometimes I think I need to wear a label,My Label/ Hi, My Name Is...3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
That will tell you what is wrong with me
"Hi, My Name Is:
Easily loving, falls to quickly, doesn't know when to stop, tries her best but can't succeed, and only wants to hold someone's hand to feel that hand on her shoulder when she cries "
The ink would be smudged across as if written in haste, a couple letters bolded in spots as if trying to fix a mistake So many mistakes
The edges would be peeling as if to forget I ever existed all together
Sometimes, I think I need to wear a warning
So you will know ahead of time that I'm too broken to repair too lost to be found too hurt to heal and pretend to smile, often .
So that when you don't like what you read, I can just tear it away, and write another
But no matter what I try, my name is always the same .
My Morning BattleI look in the mirror,My Morning Battle3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Apply that last bit of eye make-up
Twist the brush,
Swoop the glittery powder
Standing back and smiling,
My reflection retorts .distorts
I hear a hiss in my ear,
"Look at you, you love every person who talks to you... so pathetic so naiive so trusting ..such a fool."
I close my eyes tightly, I grip the edge of the counter, my knuckles white.
"Look at you, you don't know when to stop do you?.....so eager so loving so innocent such a fool."
I bite my lip and refuse to look at her,
This hissing demoness who resides behind my eyes my dark brown eyes .
"Look at me!" she exclaims, "I will protect you, foolish girl,"
She fans around me like a cloth of smoke,
"I will protect your foolish heart, and never let anyone touch it again .you bruis
The Bitter Nightmare/Too Heavy A BurdenRusted daggers flung from their tongues,The Bitter Nightmare/Too Heavy A Burden3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Deep, infected scars reopened,
Tear away the skin above my breast,
And witness my heart's weak thrum.
You, you have made it so,
You poisoned it with your truthful tonic,
Your tampered quotes and encrypted sneers,
Do not twine the needle deeper,
Fling your hair through the seeping blood,
Paint the canvas of my years,
Falling from the chasm's edge,
Releasing my mind from the bitter nightmare,
I watch the sun comb its way through the trees,
And struggle to stand against the bars of home,
My hands and feet chained, a dusty cloth between my teeth,
I wait for the warden's glance,
That moment of fated chance,
Do not tempt me, mad suitor,
I am too heavy a burden for any soul.
I Won't Exist...I sit here on a sunken bed,I Won't Exist...3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Surrounded by bright, meaningless colors,
The room itself numbed by patterns and details,
So many treasures,
So many "important" awards, trophies,
So many perfectly stacked books,
So many perfectly arranged pictures of a perfectly posing girl,
All of it means nothing, NOTHING!!!
And yet everything
Every little freaking thing in this little freaking room,
Is a part, a piece, a puzzle,
Of my existence All of this is me as I exist in their eyes .
Sometimes I just want to sweep my arm across the dresser,
Throw everything to the floor,
Watch the cheap perfume bottles shatter, sending hazy fumes into the air.
Sometimes, I just want to stab a knife through the paintings,
ripping straight down and leave the canvas flying.
Breaking all the sculptures, decided I won't exist anymore.
Sometimes, I just really want to break these windows I sleep by,
And slip my pale legs through the shattered glass.
I want to hold the match and let it lick my finger,
Please Don't Judge MeYou tell me want me to be happy,Please Don't Judge Me3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
That I will always make you proud
But I keep going back to the past,
The memories hanging on to my teeth
You tell me you love me with all your heart,
And I believe you with all of mine
Even though you've hurt me and sometimes still do
I wouldn't be able to live without you.
I wouldn't be able to breathe
Tell me why even though you scare me
Even though you torture me and make me feel so damn low sometimes
Tell me why even though I'm captive by your expectations and rules
I will always love you like none other on this earth .
I'm so connected to you,
If you were to know my true self, and hate me for it
I wouldn't be able to breathe .
So please don't suspect me,
Please trust me again
Because if you were to dive deeper,
If you were to decipher the true me hiding behind my eyes,
You would not favor who you see
And I would not be able to breathe...
The Sun's Lover/ I Kissed The SkyI kissed the sky today,The Sun's Lover/ I Kissed The Sky3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
And whispered my soft plea,
The Sun reached down and tucked a stray curl behind my ear,
And winked at me as it rose between the leaves.
I kissed the dawn today,
And begged an answer,
But the Sun was too tired and only yawned the sunrise,
Leaving me clouds dusted with warm hues and laughter.
I kissed the dusk today,
And questioned my true desire,
But the Sun was too busy and advised the sunset-wind as a suitor,
But it left a smokey taste on my lips, and no warmth in my heart.
I kissed the sky today,
And sighed as I'm left alone,
Sitting here under his shining smile, his wondrous care,
I wonder if the Sun knows what it's like to love him, even though he is not mine
True Love: A Painted Myth?Forgive me if I intrude,True Love: A Painted Myth?3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
If I'm a little bold,
I've always been a little odd,
From all that I've been told
But something about the way you smile,
Something about the way you trust,
Good Lord, send me a soul to love,
And forget this useless lust
So many tiring hours spent,
Looking for his name
Trying to find a hint,
If he's still the same
I could have been the secret girl,
Chosen at a whim,
I threw my heart at his chest,
But still, I did choose him
I don't know what is real anymore,
My mind does war against me,
Somehow I must get the patience,
To tame the visions that taint me.
So please forgive me if I'm odd,
My heart is just too hopeless to worry with,
But also because I am scared,
That true love is just a painted myth.
I Am Your Clockwork DollLay me out on the table and open my eyes,I Am Your Clockwork Doll3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Peel back the skin and reveal my porcelain heart,
Like a clockwork doll, made in secret from the mountains,
A lock is encased in its center,
And the key was lost long ago
Given to a man of a name I've never known
You play music of the sweetest notes,
Stories of love and devoted trust
Love I don't deserve
Love I can only give away
What a truthful night it has been for this doll,
Every heart spoke its truth,
And she nearly cried from her shock
So much love and care,
From those she's never met never known
Her crystal blood flows freely now,
Warming up her ceramic skin,
Her glass lips shining,
Her bright eyes sparking,
You all have awoken me, once more.
I'm just the clockwork doll brought down from the mountains .
Basking in the unimaginable, unexpected love of your words.
To Kiss A GhostSlowly the drug pulls down my veins,To Kiss A Ghost3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Pulling my hand in purpled waters,
Dragging me down into a misty realm,
Of lavender smoke
Landing in a chilled crystal lake,
The ripples lapping against my legs,
I lift my eyes and see someone
A shadow of... someone
He reaches out a hand to me and touches my neck,
With the other, pulls me closer
It was like kissing a ghost,
He was there, and then... he wasn't
I never met his true self,
But I knew him then, and only then
My hair ruffled through his fingers,
Rough and red,
His skin was cool and fading,
I never knew what it was
To love a ghost
Please....Just....Look At Me NowThis feeling in my heart thickens and festers,Please....Just....Look At Me Now3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
An old wound, aggravated by time and fear,
Doubt, and hopelessness
All I need is to hear your words again,
They were once the only ones that could comfort me
Now, it's like I'm the hopeful child waiting for a miracle
Why have you abandoned me so
What reason will you claim, if you ever take notice again
But I am afraid.
I am afraid of myself
Because I know the longer I am confused,
The longer I am lost, broken, abandoned, forgotten,
The more resentful my blood becomes .
And the wound becomes infected with all the doubts,
All the worrying, the panicking, the stress
And I don't know what to do .
Are you telling me to let my heart release you?
You just don't know, do you?
You just don't know
How Dare The FoolSpitting hate burning my tongue,How Dare The Fool3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Clenched fists believing in ghostly strength,
Nails biting pinked crescents into my palms,
The anger stirs and tenses,
She gathers her energy from behind my eyes,
Tinting everything red and hazy….
My head tilts forward,
My eyes singe any unfaithful soul in my sight,
And I feel my teeth grind,
My voice carrying hateful, malicious words of revenge, retorting and twisting every misdirected phrase,
Clawing the air with electrifying negativity…
How dare he,
How dare he,
How DARE he say such things to my kin, my family…
Taking short, unfulfilling breaths,
I raise my gaze to search the crowd of unconcerned idiocy,
And see the crown of my treasured human…
Somewhere beneath this crimson haze,
I hear the slow chant, "Kyubbi, Kyubbi, Kyubbi….I need...him…"
His name circles my mind uneasily,
And the voice of the fool draws back my insanity,
Instantly I have left, and she takes over again….
This anger overcomes me, my skin shaking and hurting,
Her frustration is so
Darkest Evermore my LoveUpon thirst of shadows and scarlet streams,Darkest Evermore my Love3 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
her wanton eyes hunger like swollen pitch
Dark magick ebbs from the wounds of dreams,
for thou art my bride my darkest witch
~Arthur Crow © 2012
Here, In My HandsH e r eHere, In My Hands3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
In my hands
Barely holding on to my flushed fingertips,
Is a dream.
Just an ordinary day dream,
One held precious and known only to me
But within this fantasy, is a hidden promise
A promise and a question,
H e r e
I cup my hands and let the starlight ruffle it's feathers,
Like a bird of thread, with eyes of gold
Do you understand how fragile it is?
If you unravel it enough, you will find what's left of my heart,
Since I broke it in two for you.
H e r e
Underneath this twilight canvas,
I hold my hands up to you and watch your eyes change,
Don't you understand
Don't you even have an idea
Of what this delicate wisp of a daydream,
A Therian Curse or BlessingWhen I'm near you,A Therian Curse or Blessing3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
And close my eyes,
I can feel my claws,
My phantom tail weighing on my spine,
The twitching ears perked,
The flattened ridge above a small nose,
I can imagine everything,
And it feels so weird and amazing and startling and perfect in the same second.
She may have called me a freak, but what I am is more than that.
I am not human, she cannot call me that much for my spirit.
I am feline trapped in a human masquerade,
My slitted irises burning under frosted glass,
And as I close my eyes,
And let you trace my jaw line,
Let you pull back my hair and chuckle,
I'm stuck between two worlds…
One is telling me it is better to shrug off this human skin and be my true self.
The other is telling me that I was meant to be yours in this way,
that I am stuck between two worlds to befriend you…to be here for you and you for me….
For if I was truly feline, I would not be able to speak to you.
I would not be able to laugh at your jokes,
Or play with you the way
Lost in the StaticShadowed figure and prickled brick,Lost in the Static3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Sheening metal and shocking screams,
Chipping paint and whispered pain,
Barbed lightning choking me
Distractions, distractions .
Clawed hands gripping denim,
An urge to wander to just walk .away
Shaking my head .tangled hair .
Shadowed figure .I'm the shadowed figure
You'll never notice me
Disintegrating in the static
Falling apart with no aide .
A heartless smile
A painted star
A lost dream
Shadowed figure .that's me
You'll never know,
Because I'll just walk away
From what I don't want to see .
Don't want to hear
Don't want .to fall apart .
I would rather get lost in the static
Hide, cover my ears, comforted by nothing .no one
I'm just a wanderer
Why why .why?
Please....Remind Me...Falling through their split-laced curtain,Please....Remind Me...3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Their venom-gilded web,
I extend my hand towards their bitter cackling,
Trying to hold on to my existence .
They are my blood,
They are my family,
But every glance is two-faceted,
And every remark is double its original worth.
They will never accept me,
They will never understand,
And the metallic sharpness,
Creates acid from their lips,
And the stinging denial,
Gives birth to underlying hatred.
I dance between both worlds known to me,
But I'd prefer to be in only one.
I lie through my teeth daily,
I put on a show and pretend,
And I constantly remind myself I am stronger,
I will survive their sickening trials .
If I know that I am stronger,
That I can do this until I am free,
Then why do I find myself holding myself together at night,
Crying in the corner of a chilled shower tile,
Wondering why I never feel like I have a future,
Where they will accept me for what I am doing and have been doing
FrustrationI just want to bang my head against the wall,Frustration3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
and let the scars rebleed,
I'm trying to heal myself,
but never succeed.
Every word is hidden behind the secret sets of stone,
What I really mean is mine,
and mine to know, alone.
I can never be happy,
I can never be free,
I can never love someone meant just for me,
I can never exist without loving someone,
Who can never love me in return....
I just want to break every glass, every mirror, memories passed,
And every picture,
I just want to scream so loud,
that you'll be astounded,
and you'll never know,
that I can never be happy,
I can never be free,
I can never love someone that's meant just for me,
It seems that my heart chooses for me,
to fall for those I can never love....
It seems that I cannot exist without loving...
Loving someone who cannot love me in return.....
Did He Just Say....The words drifted in the air,Did He Just Say....3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Like silver sugar lacing my smile,
I feel the skin around my eyes and neck warm and tint with red,
I cast down my eyes and smile,
There they are,
His fingers in my hair again,
Tapping and playing,
But all I can hear are those words
Dancing through my head like perfect hallucinations,
But he said them .he did
."We could be" ..
I, I am ForbiddenOh Lord , how I'm afraid.I, I am Forbidden3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I'm afraid that my secret will become known.
Those of my own blood chain me down and say I'm free,
They mock me before kissing me goodnight.
And for this reason, I have hidden how I think,
How I am,
From them all.
These words are typed in secrecy,
These thoughts forbidden to exist,
This heart forbidden to thrum with the blood of an open mind.
I am forbidden.
Oh Lord, how I'm afraid.
I'm afraid that I will never be free.
Because the only way I can truly be free is to break secrecy,
And that is too dangerous a border to cross...
And much too painful
No daughter should hide her heart because of her mother's scorn,
No daughter should cry names into palms and erase the evidence of her pain,
No daughter should be forbidden
And I believe the worst thing of all is that they only know half of how they've cornered me.
They don't know how they have barred my way,
And burned my blood to scar my soul .
They don't know how truly they have made it so,
I am f
Stepping Over LeavesStepping Over Leaves3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
And so I tried to hold your letters
the way you used to hold my hand;
fingers spaced between torn edges and
around undotted i's.
Guiding me away
from those gentle autumn leaves that
I had loved to crunch
so very much.
But instead, I stepped against the sunspots
of every promise you had broken
trying just to pull some meaning from a sentence
ending with "goodbye".
And when my eyes began to slide over the words you had misspelled,
I closed your note
and tore it into nothing.
Nothing but a sad reminder that once again you had cracked
like those gentle autumn leaves
that I had loved
so very much.
The Intelligent Are So SadA cascade of words parade around,The Intelligent Are So Sad3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
with thoughts of atoms and connotation.
She is brilliant, they say,
but she knows she is lost.
Numbers are her companion,
she understands their mean, average.
Words can twist her brain,
she loves the wonder they bring.
She is intelligent, they say,
she doesn't feel clever enough.
Sometimes she feels clever too much.
Excusez-moi, in perfect French,
but nothing is gained by perfect word tense.
She is clever, they say.
But she is not clever the way they know.
She sees things as they are,
and she prefers her thoughts to the world.
She knows she loves them more than they in return,
and her friends will be there until they wont.
Friends reassure her, you'll be okay,
she puts a smile on her face.
She loves them as much as any,
even though there aren't many.
They bring out the best in her,
the happy girl,
not swamped by words.
The one who isn't drowning in formula.
Test scores and numbers don't mark you smart,
she knows this now,
engraved in her
A Wild AnimalSlowly the angel stood,A Wild Animal3 years ago in Settings More Like This
Watching his wild lover shake,
Her mind tormented by two separate souls,
One wild, one tame,
Both to fight for their own name.
Chained to bedpost,
Clawed hands bound behind,
Her hair fell across her weary face,
Her eyes burning with fire found in cats alone.
Crouching near her panting form,
He brushed her hair from her face,
A small smile twists his lip,
And his eyes trace her shivering skin.
"What do you want from me?!" She whispers hatefully,
"What are you going to do? Destroy me like the others of my blood?
"I never knew you hunted my kind!" She spat at his feet,
Her teeth glaring in the bedroom light.
The angel reached for her jaw,
Gently cupping her face,
He looked into her eyes.
"I wish to tame you.
"And to love you.
"I wish for you to see the pain you are causing yourself,
"And I wish for you to listen."
Startled and scared,
Wary and untrusting,
Her heart pounded in her veins,
The thrum of their heartbeats combined in her ears.
For one mom
Drifting MemoriesPulling covers over chilled shoulders,Drifting Memories3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Closing my eyes to the setting sun,
I feel my lips pinch in a small smile,
As I remember everything about you that makes my days special.
Every moment spent, every text sent,
I smile, knowing that you are mine,
And I sleep into dreams of holding your hand,
And kisses in courtyards,
Darkened rooms and bleachers,
Special memories take my hand,
And guide my heart to the reasons why I need you.
As long as I can dance the dance of both worlds,
Tread that fine line and remember my lies,
You'll be mine, and I'll be yours.