What I FeelHave you ever burned an incense cone or wand,
It's so light and only a fragile form of ash?
The slightest touch disintegrates it,
Sending it to fall down,
And becoming too much to clean
I feel like that.
Have you ever broken a glass jar,
Just enough to see the shatter-lines,
But it still retains its shape?
The slightest touch will destroy it,
Causing it to release glimmering daggers,
Waiting to be stepped on for their revenge
I feel like that.
Have you ever touched a frozen layer of water,
Tried to lift it from the bowl,
Tried to keep it from breaking it's original crystal form?
The slightest touch will erase your reflection,
And you will be left with two shards of melting depression,
That will freeze your blood, and scar your mentality
I feel like that.
I'm just so tired of being fragile,
Of being close enough to the edge
To look but never go down
I'm just so tired of holding myself together
All I want is for someone else to hold me&
Without You.And as the blood runs off of this blade,Without You.3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
And drips out onto this far out glade.
I really wish I'd told you no,
I really wish I had told you "don't go".
And as the tears ran from your eye,
I wish I could've made them dry.
But right now I wish more than anything,
That you were mine, because I am nothing.
HeartI left my heart's door open,Heart3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
But no one walked in.
I laughed but no one laughed with me.
All that's left is a symphony.
It's coming from the back of my heart.
I'm waiting for someone to hear it.
Will you listen?
How Bad I've Got ItI never know how bad I've got it,How Bad I've Got It3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
How much I'm diseased
Until I can't stand to look at my own face in the mirror.
I never know how bad I've got it,
How much I'm lost .
Until I prefer the shadows and hope that I'm invisible.
I never know,
Until I write.
I never know,
Until I go to sleep .and can't stop thinking about
How bad I've got it.
Don't patch me up, don't hold my hand
Because you're content you're happy you're
And no matter what I try,
I'm always deceived by my thoughts
Always thinking I mean something, when really I meant something else .
And no matter what I try to feel,
No matter what I try to tell myself
I never know,
Until I force myself to walk away so I can breathe
It's What I'm Here ForLast night, I dreamt that a friend of mine was crying.It's What I'm Here For3 years ago in Emotional More Like This
The tears of his confusion so beautiful against his cheek...
His eyes so hurt, so lost....
I needed to help him....to be there for him...
I spent the whole night dreaming that we sat somewhere as we were lost in the darkness of our feelings,
holding him together,
keeping him from falling apart....
I didn't want to do anything else,
he needed me...
There wasn't any talk of confused kisses,
Or quick jokes to cheer up his wonderful smile,
We just sat there together....
My pale hand across his face,
drying the tears of yet another lost heart....
That's what I'm here for I guess....To love all, with all my heart.....and fall apart myself, as I hold everyone else together....
I Am Your Clockwork DollLay me out on the table and open my eyes,I Am Your Clockwork Doll3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Peel back the skin and reveal my porcelain heart,
Like a clockwork doll, made in secret from the mountains,
A lock is encased in its center,
And the key was lost long ago
Given to a man of a name I've never known
You play music of the sweetest notes,
Stories of love and devoted trust
Love I don't deserve
Love I can only give away
What a truthful night it has been for this doll,
Every heart spoke its truth,
And she nearly cried from her shock
So much love and care,
From those she's never met never known
Her crystal blood flows freely now,
Warming up her ceramic skin,
Her glass lips shining,
Her bright eyes sparking,
You all have awoken me, once more.
I'm just the clockwork doll brought down from the mountains .
Basking in the unimaginable, unexpected love of your words.
Burnt PopcornI cremated a bag of popcorn in my microwave...Burnt Popcorn3 years ago in Emotional More Like This
and it's honestly not that bad...
but each individual piece tastes like a memory forgotten,
smokey and warm, like campfires in autumn...
if I close my eyes while the soft skin of the piece melts on my tongue,
I can imagine the crinkle of fire and the sparks of fallen ashes...
the miraculous image of twirling smoke against Orion's Belt...
And the harsh, reawakening sounds of pulling the individual black pieces of wood back into the center, raking the powdery ashes into a circle, and realigning every smokey brick...
And even though we never shared a campfire before, I really would like to...
to be able feel it burn my lips when we sit too close, and to have your arm around my waist as you lean into my hair....To hear you sigh as the night lingers on, in the beauty of firey autumn winds....
All this, from a cremated bag of popcorn smoking up my kitchen...
You, Just YouYou ..you make me think of,You, Just You3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Soothing lavender-colored cloth,
Twinkling indigo, midnight skies,
The first taste of autumn in a warmed coffee cup,
Hazel scented steam twisting everywhere
Fiery eyes of gold and dreams of silver hair,
A glinting smile, a smirk .
The softest touch,
And inked vines coiled across softer skin,
Sleeping lilies and koi fish across bronze tinted plates,
And the comforting hand, the reassuring gesture,
For fear of metallic insanity .
Peeking from behind silver scales,
Towering above like sharpened swords,
Smiling to myself,
I watch your careful eye,
The weight of your shoulder against mine,
That determined smirk, again,
And a new look of awe.
Have I brought that smile to your lips, my friend?
Am I the one that brought that beautiful treasure forth?
I follow, step around, and raise my eyes,
Looking away, I feel your steady hand on my back, once more .
Something tugs at my spirit,
And a shiver on my porcelain skin,
Please tell me I'm the on
They've All Left Before, But I Need You...Do you know what a perfect day for me would be?They've All Left Before, But I Need You...3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
For one, I would be able to spend it with you,
Just doing nothing in particular,
Maybe we'd sit and listen to music,
And I'd let you pet my hair and play with me
Maybe we'd go to the park and draw,
And I would give up because you're better,
And you would laugh and poke fun
Maybe we'd go to the mall,
Or you're house,
Or wherever anywhere would be a perfect day if it involved you
Because when you smile it lights me up,
When you play with me, I never want you to stop
When you sing, I swear there's nothing sweeter or more calming
And when you leave all I can think of is everyone I feel this for eventually leaves
Anyone I've loved before has left
Some by choice, time, or fate
But they always go
And every time you walk away,
I imagine how it would feel if you left like the others did
And I don't want you to .
I need you too, you know
Everything in life.I need to hurt myself... No, you don't.Everything in life.3 years ago in Concrete Poetry More Like This
I did this... I need to hurt myself for it.
It won't go away if you do, you know it won't.
But everything in life has its consequence...
Maybe if I hurt myself, then I won't have to feel them,
Maybe it'll be consequence enough, if I'm hurt then.
Maybe she won't dump me for what I did too,
Maybe it'll be consequence enough for what I did to you.
I don't get why you're worried though...
But I dream the future, read my poetry, sometimes, I do.
And a few nights I felt a crossover, a nightmare come true,
And now I know that it has happened, because of what I did to you.
So now, I need to hurt myself, to give me a consequence,
So now, I need to fade away, and never be spoken of since.
And now, I want to hurt myself, to save myself more pain,
But all things come to an end, and it's always the same.
InsanityIt is a cold cruel world,Insanity3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
a cold cruel heartless life,
and all I want to do is sink back into the night,
I am not excepted here,
amongst the men with countless fears,
I am not wanted here,
they have made that oh so clear,
I don't want to live a life,
where all of life is but a fright,
I can not live a life,
cowering from the light,
I sit in the shadows of my pain,
to watch the days just slip away,
shun from the world of all humane,
my heart grows colder as I go insane,
Our Daily GameThere is an unquestionable careOur Daily Game3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I would do anything to see him smile
Sitting there behind him, listening to the others laugh and play,
He leans back into my chest,
And nudges my cheek.
That's probably my favorite part of the day,
Is when my blood thrums and dances to the sound of his heart,
And when he's comfortable,
And I trace his back with my nail,
I smile as I watch him shiver.
I laugh when he turns to me,
A shine in his dark eyes
"Who told you to stop?"
Memory's PainCut my chest open,Memory's Pain3 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
let me bleed.
Find my soul
and set it free.
Tears of red,
Leave me be,
life's a blur.
Alone she treads
mist in moonlight,
a mirror broken.
Find withered dreams
in torn up pages,
for death is gained
in memory's pain.
Your Feline Shadow...Go ahead and tell me,Your Feline Shadow...3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Your darkest deepest fear,
Whisper it, type it slow,
And never let them hear
Because you know how much I care,
You know what I really mean,
And because I care so deeply,
You're secret's safe with me.
Go ahead and tell me,
Who you really love,
Whisper it, and type it slow,
And never let them know
Because you know that I still care,
So I'll never tell you no,
I'll support your whims on hand,
And never to let go.
So go ahead and tie the string,
Draw the face of my true soul,
Tickle, laugh, and trick me, boy,
But you have to know,
That these games make it difficult,
They make it oh so hard
I care for you,
And yet you're not sure..... who you care for
And I can't let go
I'll be here,
Waiting, smiling, laughing, and playing as always seen.
I'll be here,
Hoping, trusting, caring, and saying what I mean
And you'll be there,
Swaying to and fro,
Never knowing who to love
I'm your feline shadow, boy,
Bittersweet BloodHer twisted smile,Bittersweet Blood3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
That glaring eye
How astounded I am of the control I have over my expression
Because she is standing there and making up excuses
Too scared to let me go
I know she's trying to be careful and loving and protecting me from harm,
But I need to do something!
She has to let me do something, or I'll never do anything!
And she tries to stand there and catch me in the lie I've twisted so carefully no flaws
I have her cleverness, her intellect, I can match it mostly.
I know how to hide my true nature from her accusing eye.
You wicked woman that I love with all my heart,
Why do you dance to this horrid tune?
My life is a lie, hidden from you,
Because you refuse to accept what's true.
You live in the past and never succeed,
You never regret or require a need,
And any time that I have with him is so much more calming then you know
And I don't understand why I can't just live by my heart
Nothing is as serious as you play,
No one look
Here, In My HandsH e r eHere, In My Hands3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
In my hands
Barely holding on to my flushed fingertips,
Is a dream.
Just an ordinary day dream,
One held precious and known only to me
But within this fantasy, is a hidden promise
A promise and a question,
H e r e
I cup my hands and let the starlight ruffle it's feathers,
Like a bird of thread, with eyes of gold
Do you understand how fragile it is?
If you unravel it enough, you will find what's left of my heart,
Since I broke it in two for you.
H e r e
Underneath this twilight canvas,
I hold my hands up to you and watch your eyes change,
Don't you understand
Don't you even have an idea
Of what this delicate wisp of a daydream,
Let Them Think, I'm AloneLooking across the cushioned pew,Let Them Think, I'm Alone3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I sigh as I see my parents sit closer,
My father's firm hands holding my mother's pale shoulders.
Her blond hair draping over their arms like a golden spider's web.
I look across the aisle,
And see other couples together.
All leaning into one another,
Some holding warmed hands,
Tempting crystal smiles.
Here I sit,
Holding hands with a memory of his.
Memories of something sweet,
chilling small places on my neck and cheek,
And a shiver shakes my back,
Lightning cradling my skull and soothing the pressured drum of my heart.
I can't help but remember everything
And as I sit here,
I appear alone.
When in reality,
My heart is in his hand,
And the sweet warmth of his skin,
Is still tingling the palms of my own.
Let them think that I am alone.
Let them think that I am foolish and insane.
I've learned how not to be.
How not to treat others. To love others.
Because I know,
There is no touch more exciting, more electrifying,
Just Like The LastClosing my eyes,Just Like The Last3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
The skinned cloth burns,
My lashes weighted with aged mascara
My shoulders ache from burdened stress
Stretching orange rays and lilac sighs .
Laying down my head,
Sunken into a thickened pillow,
Incense lazily traces my breath,
And I try to ease my gasps .
Holding myself together tonight.
Just like the last.
My heart is spread too thin,
Too much stress
Too much pain
Too much time
Why does chaos follow my wake,
Why does everything have to be so complicated
I go to sleep with wishes of kisses,
Dreams of lust and love,
Hopes of happiness and freedom,
And sympathy for those who happen to know me
Because here I am,
Holding myself together tonight,
Just like the last.
FrustrationI just want to bang my head against the wall,Frustration3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
and let the scars rebleed,
I'm trying to heal myself,
but never succeed.
Every word is hidden behind the secret sets of stone,
What I really mean is mine,
and mine to know, alone.
I can never be happy,
I can never be free,
I can never love someone meant just for me,
I can never exist without loving someone,
Who can never love me in return....
I just want to break every glass, every mirror, memories passed,
And every picture,
I just want to scream so loud,
that you'll be astounded,
and you'll never know,
that I can never be happy,
I can never be free,
I can never love someone that's meant just for me,
It seems that my heart chooses for me,
to fall for those I can never love....
It seems that I cannot exist without loving...
Loving someone who cannot love me in return.....
Hurtful RecognitionsWhat torturous hearts we have...Hurtful Recognitions3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
where we fall in "like" .....
with those who are already in "love".........
What tempting memories pass under my eyes...
knowing the truth of reality...
but refusing to recognize it....
What a troublesome world we live in....
when you give and give and never receive what your heart....
HelplessInked circles across my wrists,Helpless3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Feathered shivers chill my skin,
Every touch like static,
like a jellyfish sting.
I can't help it
Can't help but smile.
Lost...You're Lost..."I don't trust me, for loving you"Lost...You're Lost...3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I wish I had the nerve to tell you to your face,
To put what I mean into sound, that you can understand and treasure
Just like everyone else
But no one knows how to help the other
"This is more than I can give"
No, I'll give you all I can
Because I care about you
Because I want to be with you ..
And you're lost .
A lot like me
Why is everything so complicated .
Where is my heart
I do believe it's in your hand,
Tattooed on your skin, on your sleeve .
You're lost .And I can't be your light
I'll bring the string to draw you from your labrynth,
I'll shine the light to guide you from the shore,
I'll call out and sing to guide your blind eyes .
But you're lost you can't find yourself in that darkness
Please give me that chance,
Feel my hand,
Hold it and trust it
Because whichever path you choose
You know I'll still be here .
UselessI need something to get this ticking out of my mind.Useless3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Not love or lust.
I'm in need of no friend or foe.
My enemies despise who I've become.
I used to smile and laugh.
A butterfly of the social life.
My world has darkened and I have submerged myself within it's shadows.
There's no light here.
The ticking has made me numb.
I can no longer feel.
I'm no longer human.
Was I ever?
Emotions are nothing to me now.
Just ink on a fading page.
There's nothing left to give.
Nowhere to hide my pain.
This creature I've become has eaten at everything I love.
Burnt walls and crooked window panes.
I'm nothing now.
Hold On, Veteran....Hold On, Uncle....Cold tears paint my cheeks,Hold On, Veteran....Hold On, Uncle....3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
And blur this rushing world,
In haste I try to hide,
But there is not enough time,
Not enough to take the tears away
Every time he tried to smile
His eyes sparkled but his voice
His original laugh
All gone .
Goodbye .farewell you're fading and I can't hold on
I'm selfish, don't leave me
Please .I just want you to laugh again
I just want you to crack a joke,
Please....Remind Me...Falling through their split-laced curtain,Please....Remind Me...3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Their venom-gilded web,
I extend my hand towards their bitter cackling,
Trying to hold on to my existence .
They are my blood,
They are my family,
But every glance is two-faceted,
And every remark is double its original worth.
They will never accept me,
They will never understand,
And the metallic sharpness,
Creates acid from their lips,
And the stinging denial,
Gives birth to underlying hatred.
I dance between both worlds known to me,
But I'd prefer to be in only one.
I lie through my teeth daily,
I put on a show and pretend,
And I constantly remind myself I am stronger,
I will survive their sickening trials .
If I know that I am stronger,
That I can do this until I am free,
Then why do I find myself holding myself together at night,
Crying in the corner of a chilled shower tile,
Wondering why I never feel like I have a future,
Where they will accept me for what I am doing and have been doing