My Morning BattleI look in the mirror,
Apply that last bit of eye make-up
Twist the brush,
Swoop the glittery powder
Standing back and smiling,
My reflection retorts .distorts
I hear a hiss in my ear,
"Look at you, you love every person who talks to you... so pathetic so naiive so trusting ..such a fool."
I close my eyes tightly, I grip the edge of the counter, my knuckles white.
"Look at you, you don't know when to stop do you?.....so eager so loving so innocent such a fool."
I bite my lip and refuse to look at her,
This hissing demoness who resides behind my eyes my dark brown eyes .
"Look at me!" she exclaims, "I will protect you, foolish girl,"
She fans around me like a cloth of smoke,
"I will protect your foolish heart, and never let anyone touch it again .you bruis
My Label/ Hi, My Name Is...Sometimes I think I need to wear a label,My Label/ Hi, My Name Is...3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
That will tell you what is wrong with me
"Hi, My Name Is:
Easily loving, falls to quickly, doesn't know when to stop, tries her best but can't succeed, and only wants to hold someone's hand to feel that hand on her shoulder when she cries "
The ink would be smudged across as if written in haste, a couple letters bolded in spots as if trying to fix a mistake So many mistakes
The edges would be peeling as if to forget I ever existed all together
Sometimes, I think I need to wear a warning
So you will know ahead of time that I'm too broken to repair too lost to be found too hurt to heal and pretend to smile, often .
So that when you don't like what you read, I can just tear it away, and write another
But no matter what I try, my name is always the same .
True Love: A Painted Myth?Forgive me if I intrude,True Love: A Painted Myth?3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
If I'm a little bold,
I've always been a little odd,
From all that I've been told
But something about the way you smile,
Something about the way you trust,
Good Lord, send me a soul to love,
And forget this useless lust
So many tiring hours spent,
Looking for his name
Trying to find a hint,
If he's still the same
I could have been the secret girl,
Chosen at a whim,
I threw my heart at his chest,
But still, I did choose him
I don't know what is real anymore,
My mind does war against me,
Somehow I must get the patience,
To tame the visions that taint me.
So please forgive me if I'm odd,
My heart is just too hopeless to worry with,
But also because I am scared,
That true love is just a painted myth.
I Won't Exist...I sit here on a sunken bed,I Won't Exist...3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Surrounded by bright, meaningless colors,
The room itself numbed by patterns and details,
So many treasures,
So many "important" awards, trophies,
So many perfectly stacked books,
So many perfectly arranged pictures of a perfectly posing girl,
All of it means nothing, NOTHING!!!
And yet everything
Every little freaking thing in this little freaking room,
Is a part, a piece, a puzzle,
Of my existence All of this is me as I exist in their eyes .
Sometimes I just want to sweep my arm across the dresser,
Throw everything to the floor,
Watch the cheap perfume bottles shatter, sending hazy fumes into the air.
Sometimes, I just want to stab a knife through the paintings,
ripping straight down and leave the canvas flying.
Breaking all the sculptures, decided I won't exist anymore.
Sometimes, I just really want to break these windows I sleep by,
And slip my pale legs through the shattered glass.
I want to hold the match and let it lick my finger,
The Bitter Nightmare/Too Heavy A BurdenRusted daggers flung from their tongues,The Bitter Nightmare/Too Heavy A Burden3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Deep, infected scars reopened,
Tear away the skin above my breast,
And witness my heart's weak thrum.
You, you have made it so,
You poisoned it with your truthful tonic,
Your tampered quotes and encrypted sneers,
Do not twine the needle deeper,
Fling your hair through the seeping blood,
Paint the canvas of my years,
Falling from the chasm's edge,
Releasing my mind from the bitter nightmare,
I watch the sun comb its way through the trees,
And struggle to stand against the bars of home,
My hands and feet chained, a dusty cloth between my teeth,
I wait for the warden's glance,
That moment of fated chance,
Do not tempt me, mad suitor,
I am too heavy a burden for any soul.
Haunted Fields of IndigoWhy do I find myself wandering these haunted fields,Haunted Fields of Indigo3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Following a shadow of a spirit...
Pulled by the barbed wire wrapped around my throat,
and the poison threatening my blood....
Desperate glances behind, remind me,
that I can't help the way I feel...
But why do I find my self confessing my heart's true song,
To a moon that will never hear...
Here I am, my knees bloodied and torn in the dried, tarnished straw,
I can only imagine the luscious taste of sweet moon's light...
But here I am, bound by my love, bound for all eternity,
my love for those who cannot return it to me...
I will never find my way,
out of these haunted fields of indigo.
Please....Just....Look At Me NowThis feeling in my heart thickens and festers,Please....Just....Look At Me Now3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
An old wound, aggravated by time and fear,
Doubt, and hopelessness
All I need is to hear your words again,
They were once the only ones that could comfort me
Now, it's like I'm the hopeful child waiting for a miracle
Why have you abandoned me so
What reason will you claim, if you ever take notice again
But I am afraid.
I am afraid of myself
Because I know the longer I am confused,
The longer I am lost, broken, abandoned, forgotten,
The more resentful my blood becomes .
And the wound becomes infected with all the doubts,
All the worrying, the panicking, the stress
And I don't know what to do .
Are you telling me to let my heart release you?
You just don't know, do you?
You just don't know
Here, In My HandsH e r eHere, In My Hands3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
In my hands
Barely holding on to my flushed fingertips,
Is a dream.
Just an ordinary day dream,
One held precious and known only to me
But within this fantasy, is a hidden promise
A promise and a question,
H e r e
I cup my hands and let the starlight ruffle it's feathers,
Like a bird of thread, with eyes of gold
Do you understand how fragile it is?
If you unravel it enough, you will find what's left of my heart,
Since I broke it in two for you.
H e r e
Underneath this twilight canvas,
I hold my hands up to you and watch your eyes change,
Don't you understand
Don't you even have an idea
Of what this delicate wisp of a daydream,
To Kiss A GhostSlowly the drug pulls down my veins,To Kiss A Ghost3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Pulling my hand in purpled waters,
Dragging me down into a misty realm,
Of lavender smoke
Landing in a chilled crystal lake,
The ripples lapping against my legs,
I lift my eyes and see someone
A shadow of... someone
He reaches out a hand to me and touches my neck,
With the other, pulls me closer
It was like kissing a ghost,
He was there, and then... he wasn't
I never met his true self,
But I knew him then, and only then
My hair ruffled through his fingers,
Rough and red,
His skin was cool and fading,
I never knew what it was
To love a ghost
How Dare The FoolSpitting hate burning my tongue,How Dare The Fool3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Clenched fists believing in ghostly strength,
Nails biting pinked crescents into my palms,
The anger stirs and tenses,
She gathers her energy from behind my eyes,
Tinting everything red and hazy….
My head tilts forward,
My eyes singe any unfaithful soul in my sight,
And I feel my teeth grind,
My voice carrying hateful, malicious words of revenge, retorting and twisting every misdirected phrase,
Clawing the air with electrifying negativity…
How dare he,
How dare he,
How DARE he say such things to my kin, my family…
Taking short, unfulfilling breaths,
I raise my gaze to search the crowd of unconcerned idiocy,
And see the crown of my treasured human…
Somewhere beneath this crimson haze,
I hear the slow chant, "Kyubbi, Kyubbi, Kyubbi….I need...him…"
His name circles my mind uneasily,
And the voice of the fool draws back my insanity,
Instantly I have left, and she takes over again….
This anger overcomes me, my skin shaking and hurting,
Her frustration is so
Your Feline Shadow...Go ahead and tell me,Your Feline Shadow...3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Your darkest deepest fear,
Whisper it, type it slow,
And never let them hear
Because you know how much I care,
You know what I really mean,
And because I care so deeply,
You're secret's safe with me.
Go ahead and tell me,
Who you really love,
Whisper it, and type it slow,
And never let them know
Because you know that I still care,
So I'll never tell you no,
I'll support your whims on hand,
And never to let go.
So go ahead and tie the string,
Draw the face of my true soul,
Tickle, laugh, and trick me, boy,
But you have to know,
That these games make it difficult,
They make it oh so hard
I care for you,
And yet you're not sure..... who you care for
And I can't let go
I'll be here,
Waiting, smiling, laughing, and playing as always seen.
I'll be here,
Hoping, trusting, caring, and saying what I mean
And you'll be there,
Swaying to and fro,
Never knowing who to love
I'm your feline shadow, boy,
The Sun's Lover/ I Kissed The SkyI kissed the sky today,The Sun's Lover/ I Kissed The Sky3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
And whispered my soft plea,
The Sun reached down and tucked a stray curl behind my ear,
And winked at me as it rose between the leaves.
I kissed the dawn today,
And begged an answer,
But the Sun was too tired and only yawned the sunrise,
Leaving me clouds dusted with warm hues and laughter.
I kissed the dusk today,
And questioned my true desire,
But the Sun was too busy and advised the sunset-wind as a suitor,
But it left a smokey taste on my lips, and no warmth in my heart.
I kissed the sky today,
And sighed as I'm left alone,
Sitting here under his shining smile, his wondrous care,
I wonder if the Sun knows what it's like to love him, even though he is not mine
Please....Remind Me...Falling through their split-laced curtain,Please....Remind Me...3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Their venom-gilded web,
I extend my hand towards their bitter cackling,
Trying to hold on to my existence .
They are my blood,
They are my family,
But every glance is two-faceted,
And every remark is double its original worth.
They will never accept me,
They will never understand,
And the metallic sharpness,
Creates acid from their lips,
And the stinging denial,
Gives birth to underlying hatred.
I dance between both worlds known to me,
But I'd prefer to be in only one.
I lie through my teeth daily,
I put on a show and pretend,
And I constantly remind myself I am stronger,
I will survive their sickening trials .
If I know that I am stronger,
That I can do this until I am free,
Then why do I find myself holding myself together at night,
Crying in the corner of a chilled shower tile,
Wondering why I never feel like I have a future,
Where they will accept me for what I am doing and have been doing
Memories Between the BooksOpen the doors,Memories Between the Books3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
The soft click of the metal lever,
The once soothing silence of the room is now suffocating.
Each step towards the shelves,
I hear only my quickened heartbeat,
And my shallow breath.
Dragging my fingers along the worn wooden shelving,
Letting my skin dance with every glimpse of his face,
I can't see what's in front of me,
I'm looking into the past
When we sat there, and there, and in-between here with our favorite words
And so much more
I never thought it would be this hard,
Each and every step,
The slow, prolonged placement of my shoes on carpeted memories,
Like a movie scene,
Flashing before my eyes.
No, my friend, I'm not grumpy,
I'm trying to be fine
Please do not worry for me
I will learn how eventually
You Amuse MeHow do you amuse me?You Amuse Me3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Simply by being here.
For some reason,
I can't help but smile.
I can't help but enjoy myself when you're around.
I'm smiling again...
You say things that bring out my buried laughter,
You say things that patch up my scarred heart a little bit each day
How do you amuse me?
Simply being here,
And for some reason,
Laughter truly is the cure
So yes, you amuse me,
And please, please don't ever stop
Becoming AirSometimes,Becoming Air3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
When I sit still long enough,
I start to feel like I'm not attached to my own skin.
I start to feel like a fish in a bowl,
Swaying side to side,
My skin just a husk, a container, a restraint.
But when I give into this feeling,
It's like my skin melts away,
I become air,
Colored into the sunset's aura,
Stretched through the veins of the summer's leaves,
Flying across every shadow, every glimmer.
It's like my own magic,
My special moment to escape.
Sometimes it happens and I am called back to reality,
Sometimes, I find my way back on my own.
But every time after, I smile,
Because I relearned something I already knew,
I recognized something remarkable in the ordinary,
And I find the true treasures of the day.
Insane? Sure, if you don't understand,
Drugs? Never touched them in my life,
But let me tell you this, there is nothing like becoming air.
There is nothing like it in the world.
And every moment spent in reality,
My spirit longs to be free exploring what it's already seen.
Juliet's Curse,My Own...Music used to be my aideJuliet's Curse,My Own...3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Now it only makes it worse...
A star-crossed lover by trade,
This longing heart a curse
How is it possible to feel this much pain
To go to sleep crying his name,
Someone please, I'm begging you,
Tear out my heart, stitch up the skin.
It's like a venomous hole burning through my lungs,
A boiling thrum through my veins,
Hot tears cool my skin, and taint my tired lips,
I'm begging you, tell me the cure
Where is the cure that Juliet swallowed?
What is the potion that let her sleep?
And did she feel like me .
I'm begging someone, anyone,
To tell me how how to breathe and sleep again,
Because even though I've tried, and tried
The infection is still devouring my soul,
And forbidding me to let go .
No PDANo PDA,No PDA3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
If only they knew what it is like to love someone forbidden...
We cannot love at home...
We cannot love at school...
Where are we to hide our affections?
The shadows I suppose,
will keep our secrets faster than that of spiteful teachers' lips...
If only they knew what it's like to need someone you cannot possess...
To have an unpredictable foundation of life,
Knowing, that if caught, everything would fall...
At least where they can see,
I am fighting for something of worth,
to love both worlds known to me...
At least where they can see.
Uncertainty and DoubtDoes anyone else stand at the edge of the stair and look down,Uncertainty and Doubt3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
wondering what it would feel like to never know how far the next step is?
As if you could walk blindly, and fall, sink, down into an un-foretold reality,
Lose yourself in chaos, the bitter chilled unknown
I stand here now on the edge of porcelain stairs,
Peeking downward through my ebony lashes,
I feel a grip in my spirit,
A sickening wave of dizziness rolls over me,
Knocking me back, nudging doubt deeper into my skin like a poisonous shard.
"Do I step forward? Or do I wait in this haunting pain "
Biting my lip, wringing my hands, my blood dancing loudly,
I realize my future can only improve from my past,
I have to take these chances,
And play my best bet.
Gripping the glassy banister,
I steal a severed breath,
The Shower's TherapyLetting the skins drape to the floor,The Shower's Therapy3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I reveal my body to the chilled sliding glass,
Stepping away from a mottled brown door,
The sudden sound of rain across tile soothes my ears.
Each step across the icy floor, over into the light blue haven,
A breath, a gasp, the warmth of each droplet slicing my skin, my blood spreading,
My hair loops down across my shoulders,
Like silken chords of brunette hues shining,
I watch as the water slides down the ropes, and dances off into the air before thinning below,
Slowly, I'm shaking,
My breath too shallow, backing up, clearing my eyes,
I lay against the stones and let the rain envelop me.
I forget everything and listen to it rush past my ears.
I watch as it decorates my pale skin with peach dew drops,
And I envy...
I close my eyes and let this constant pounding of the shower beat down on my back,
My nerves begin to dull and I feel rocked to sleep,
tucked in by the coolness of the tiles below my legs...
When I try to stand again, in fear of sitting
I, I am ForbiddenOh Lord , how I'm afraid.I, I am Forbidden3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I'm afraid that my secret will become known.
Those of my own blood chain me down and say I'm free,
They mock me before kissing me goodnight.
And for this reason, I have hidden how I think,
How I am,
From them all.
These words are typed in secrecy,
These thoughts forbidden to exist,
This heart forbidden to thrum with the blood of an open mind.
I am forbidden.
Oh Lord, how I'm afraid.
I'm afraid that I will never be free.
Because the only way I can truly be free is to break secrecy,
And that is too dangerous a border to cross...
And much too painful
No daughter should hide her heart because of her mother's scorn,
No daughter should cry names into palms and erase the evidence of her pain,
No daughter should be forbidden
And I believe the worst thing of all is that they only know half of how they've cornered me.
They don't know how they have barred my way,
And burned my blood to scar my soul .
They don't know how truly they have made it so,
I am f
This EndingThe writing becomes scribblesThis Ending3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
The pen runs dry of ink
A song isn't written
A story isn't read
My words begin to fail me
My thoughts have become dead
I'm Not Ready to Let GoYour fingertips carve melodies into my songbird skin,I'm Not Ready to Let Go3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
carbonizing my charcoal bones
so I can write sonnets on the sidewalk
with the ends of my chalky joints.
Oh how your grazing hands
Your propane eyes
burn me up,
your toothy smile
ties me down.
I hold my breath
because these moments are fragile
as they are finite,
and I close my eyes
because love shouldn't be this ugly
or this hard to find.
Harsh Conversations With Myself"You're doing it again "Harsh Conversations With Myself3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
The annoying voice whispers,
Dry and rough like burnt tree bark
I'm not, not this time. I know, right?
"You're doing it again "
It tickles my ear as I laugh another tear,
Hovering like an invisible wasp intent to sting
I'm not, not ready to. I know, right?
"You're doing it again "
It trickles down my neck, making me shiver,
Excited but frightened, cautious by right
I'm not, not going to. I know, right?
"Don't do it again wary loved girl,
Don't lose yourself to that thrum.
Don't think that you are strong enough,
Because you dance to a louder drum."
I'm not, not really...right?
"Don't think that you can change your fate,
Don't think that you are chosen,
Because you fall harder and faster than others,
It's truly your heart that is poison."
I'm not .am I?
"Don't think that anyone
A Therian Curse or BlessingWhen I'm near you,A Therian Curse or Blessing3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
And close my eyes,
I can feel my claws,
My phantom tail weighing on my spine,
The twitching ears perked,
The flattened ridge above a small nose,
I can imagine everything,
And it feels so weird and amazing and startling and perfect in the same second.
She may have called me a freak, but what I am is more than that.
I am not human, she cannot call me that much for my spirit.
I am feline trapped in a human masquerade,
My slitted irises burning under frosted glass,
And as I close my eyes,
And let you trace my jaw line,
Let you pull back my hair and chuckle,
I'm stuck between two worlds…
One is telling me it is better to shrug off this human skin and be my true self.
The other is telling me that I was meant to be yours in this way,
that I am stuck between two worlds to befriend you…to be here for you and you for me….
For if I was truly feline, I would not be able to speak to you.
I would not be able to laugh at your jokes,
Or play with you the way