Nirn knows only Stasis and Change (Good and Evil are just concepts made by mortals in an attempt to understand the reason of the Stasis and the transition through Change), the two forces, a dual aspect of the Divinity, found in TES.
Magicka is Entropy, a measure of the "disorder" in Creation. By Magnus, the Mathematician, who knows the Alphabet of the When and Where, Nirn, an Entity-Realm not yet known, Became. With the Earth Bones, the Laws of Nirn (Lex Naturalis) were established. Through Magicka, the Change could become Stasis and the Stasis could become Change.
Magicka is the manipulation of the Divinity - the Spark of the Creation.
"AV LATTA MAGICKA AV MOLAG ANYAMMIS"
AV LATTA OIOBALA
Morokei, Glorious Dovah Priest.
Is Padomay a deity who wants blood and sacrifices (Sithis), or it represents the Everlasting Change, full of mysteries and uncertain stories? Which one of the possible realities are the Truest? Perhaps the answer can be obtained from the PSJJJJ.
With the Elder Way, the vision of Mundus becomes something deeper and comprehensible, without just a meaning, but with all the possible meanings. The Word is made True, and with True, the Impossible is made Possible.
The Meaning of the Eye, coming with the Dragon and in a Time without The Crown: All was made possible because it was seen a long time ago, and in all possible ways:
The Red Flame Jewel, which was broken by the Moon-and-Star Soul of the Houses is the Key. The Key of Change and the Key of Sight. Look into the Tower, and you will See: Eight Times and One Choice are made in Oblivion. Look in the Sigillum... All is Sanguis. Seek the Hidden Knowledge but be prepared. Do not carry what you can not if you do not deserve it. But if you choose to, use the Strength of Faith to Guide you through the Void Waters.
All is in One. All is in PSJJJJ.
Sunnabe Tam-riel: Magnus Na Latta Ye Yando Sancre Lattia Va Silaseli. Arctavoy: Latta Ae Ageasel.
AV LATTA OIOBALA
Morokei, Glorious Dovah Priest.
1. Yuki: Aside from the family name (which could be just a harmless typo) there are more. There is a lack of proper description with her bloodline technique; does she have to touch them, or just get close enough for her chakra to reach them? And while it's a unique ability to think about, I think it would be better if she had to touch a certain point of a person's body in order for her to gain the knowledge of her opponent's weakness. In addition, even if she knew the weakness, she still would have to read up on the chemicals and train in order to utilize her advantage. I don't think "it came naturally" would be an available option for her; however, considering that most families with a bloodline technique are usually extreme with their private training, that could just be a comparison between her and her family. Like I said, there is a lack of explanation here (which would be best explained within the actual story).</i>
People calling her a bully because she states what she 'sees' (mixed up from touching to seeing?) could be a good indicator of a flaw, especially if the technique isn't understood. It also gives it a good start of where she needs to change. Just because a person has a certain chemical, doesn't mean they can't change. Or maybe she had a family or close friend who had certain chemicals and ended up being a crazy serial killer, betraying her trust? And that chemical just so happens to be common in all people, but it depends on how much, so she worries and doesn't want to get close?
The lazy and undedicated part is gold, however the 'No one understands her because she's the best' is over the top. You could have stated that they didn't understand how she could be strong, and yet appear lazy and undedicated. And wanting to show people that she does care is a good indication that she wants to change, and that the writer has plans for character development.
I think you kept Neji in character even though it was one sentence. Before his epiphany, he would probably let people bully her, and probably bully her himself. After that event, however, I can't really imagine him discouraging every person he sees putting down Yuki, so it's good you kept him in character even though you didn't state whether or not he found out his father wasn't murdered against his will.
I understand killing people in order to keep the family secret, but a baby is an exaggeration, right? The baby wouldn't remember anyway, so there would be no need to kill it.
Conclusion: Yuki is a Mary-Sue but only due to a minimal lack of explanation in her bloodline technique, and for some over exaggerated phrases; however has good depth and already shows potential for character development if it were written in the story as is.
2. Kogata: Since her gold eye color, purple hair, and dark skin are common in her village, the odd coloring wouldn't count, especially so since the Naruto universe is generally colorful. On the other hand, for being overweight for her short stature and having a "juicy sought after curves that are great for child birth"; however in some cultures, being pudgy is considered healthy, so curves (as in rolls) and great for child birth (as in seemingly healthy) could still apply without Mary-Sueism. The village itself and the cultural standing needs to be described if you want to continue to use that phrase though. I won't even comment on the D breasts since Tsunade has bigger boobs and weighs less.</i>
Since character sheets are usually taken literally, "beating post" may indicate physical harm. Some mothers do result to this, and some fathers may let them, but it's always better to indicate it clearly since it can be taken as her just being the "scapegoat" which also happens in families. As a result of this kind of abuse, she may think that she still loves them because she was made to feel that way; "because they are her family she has to love them no matter what" kind of way. Because it's the female doing most of the abusing, despite the "beating post" statement I'm going to assume that most of it is emotional and mental instead of physical, which would reinforce the previous sentence of Kogata being forced to feel love for her abusers.
Since I don't recognize who The Killer Bee and Omoi are, I can't comment on this; however her fantasizing about being rescued or being the rescuer is common.
Conclusion: Kogata remains undetermined until some phrases and the culture of the village are cleared up; however if it were to stay like this, she would be a Mary-sue with no plan for character development. Basically the only goal the character has is to be rescued.