yes i was molested, yes it's true
yes i was molested
yes i was abused
yes i was bullied
yes... it's all true
ive thought about suicide
ive thought about self harm
ive thought about lashing out
ive thought about mutilating my arm
i hate my brother for doing this to me
i hate my mother for what she's done too
i hate God for letting it happen
i hate my emotions for not coming through
my emotions stay bottled
my screams stay behind my lips
my thoughts stay on him
my tears stay under my lids
im not the prettiest girl out there
im not the sweetest female youll find
im not the most popular person
im not the smartest, but i'm also not blind
what did i do to deserve this hate
what did i do to deserve this pain
what did i do to deserve this all
what did i do... please just tell me...
ConvictionI want to talk about the idea of “conviction” in some fundamentalist Christian circles. Particularly I want to talk about how it is used by some Christians both as a gas-lighting technique and as a method of manipulation. However, I have not really had time or the ability to put my thoughts together in a coherent fashion. So instead, I think I will just tell a couple of stories. These stories occurred while I lived as a woman, so I am using those pronouns and terms since they are relevant to the stories.Conviction11 months ago in Emotional More Like This
Note: for those unaware of this particular Christianese phrase, I am referring to the following definition: a feeling of guilt or shame that God inflicts on a person that comes with the recognition of having committed a sin.
When I was outed as gay to my family, I was living overseas and working on my Masters degree in Astrophysics. Needless to say, I was already under a lot of stress, even before dealing with my family keeping me up ti
Dishonest motives: when believers want to fix youCaptain Cassidy has been writing a series on Excommunications about compromise. The entire thing is splendid, and I highly recommend it (or any of her other posts, for that matter). In a recent post, she defined compromise as “coming to an awareness of what our real goals are and then finding different ways of reaching those goals if necessary so we can have peaceful relationships with others.” This is an excellent definition, and it exposes one of the greatest challenges to meaningful compromise: people must be honest about their goals and motives.Dishonest motives: when believers want to fix you6 months ago in Philosophical More Like This
I have a lot of experience with believers attempting to convert me back to their religion and sexual/gender ethics. Here’s the thing: people who think that they are going to lead you on a long, twisted, and heroic journey to redemption are some of the most dishonest people about their motives. It gets easier to spot once you’re savvy to the game, but if you’re still in the disorienting realm betwee
Family"You're brilliant."Family1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
"You're smile is grand."
"You look great."
It's all lies.
I'm none of those things.
I'm a mutt.
A lost dog without known heritage
looking for acceptance from it's "family"
The process is long.
It's a bitter, cold war that no one wins
And that acceptance is never going to be there
Because I'm not good enough.
I can't reach those standards set for me.
"You aren't pansexual,
don't tell anyone that."
"You aren't an atheist,
You just haven't found God, yet."
"You aren't anyone's friend,
You haven't been fixed.."
"You aren't accept,
You aren't good enough, yet."
When will families just accept their children?
No parent hears the cries,
No parent wants to accept these things,
No parent wants a failure of child.
Yet, I'm here.
Lie after lie after lie is told.
Mother treats me like I'm a roach,
Father disregards me.
I'm the housemate.
I'm the failure
Part of me screams:
I give up.
Yet, the other part knows everyth
Hope in LiesI will never give you hope in liesHope in Lies10 months ago in Free Verse More Like This
I replied when he asked me with those too innocent eyes,
About religion and why I always kept it from him.
Too young I thought at the time,
He's far too young to know these things.
But of course he gets an education.
Teachers speak around it but don't modify too often;
But it's the other children anyway, whispering in corners or
Speaking out loud for that matter of how special they are,
That teaches my son of things I've left unspoken.
God is inescapable.
My son is hurt at first of course,
A betrayal it is to him,
That everyone else is uniquely special even "chosen" perhaps.
And he is left as something less, a cursed 'nonbeliever,'
As some are wont to call us.
But he learns quickly,
It doesn't take a genius to notice that people who pray
Aren't protected from the bad things any better than anyone else
And the Bible is just another thing that catches dust.
Stand up for LeelahDo you know the painStand up for Leelah9 months ago in Free Verse More Like This
of looking into a mirror
to see a false skin?
And I don't mean being unhappy
at not being pretty, tall or thin.
I mean being reviled,
Being kept in the dark,
Keeping your heart in a chest,
Behind steel bars-
Just to keep it safe,
And hide disfiguring scars.
This heart has been battered,
Beaten and bruised,
Trapped without light and
It's not just the heart,
It's the girl underneath-
this faux skin suit
That she'll continue to refute.
Trapped within those fleshy walls,
In a body that appalls her.
She is the girl in the faux skin suit,
With no need of a gun to shoot-
Holes in your arguments
Against her transsexuality,
Because this is the story-
Of her reality.
Break me down.
Keep this seed buried in the ground.
Make me question who I am,
Make me feel I am a sham.
Make me wonder if I'll ever find love,
Till I find enough is enough.
Then when in my final act I'm freed,
Delete the traces of my need,
Show your lack of integrity.
Last Time to ChurchThe last time I went to church,Last Time to Church9 months ago in Free Verse More Like This
I understood, beyond all contradiction,
that I did not belong here.
I looked around and saw this was a place for
people who required permission
to do what they they think is right,
or an excuse to do what they know is wrong.
Here, at the intersection of tradition and conformity,
all intentions are twisted awry where they meet.
I could see I was growing into someone
who had my own reasons for living,
hopelessly alien to this place
where the Bronze Age still lingered,
groping for relevance in the Space Age.
Becoming more apparent all the time
that its dogmas hold no answers, then or now.
The past holds much to learn from,
but it is no place to live.
No more than its Language of Debt
offers any future for the living.
I walked away, one foot in front of the other,
seeking my own path...
Love is an emotion, not an actionThis thought just hit me like a pile of bricks, and I need to sound off on it really fast.Love is an emotion, not an action1 year ago in Philosophical More Like This
In evangelical culture, it is often repeated that love is not an emotion. Love is an action. If you google search for those words, a slew of Christian articles pop up. Christian courtship books, books about relationships, evangelical talking heads have reinforced this message. My family said it over and over. Until maybe yesterday I had just accepted this paradigm without question. It made sense. Love isn’t an emotion, it’s so much more than that. Love isn’t a feelings towards someone, it’s doing something to them.
This was rooted deeply in a rejection of emotion and desires in general. After all, feelings are fickle, cheap, short-lived. Feelings are deceitful, like the heart. Feelings are sinful, the lust of the flesh, the pride of life. Wants, needs, feelings, desires… all of these are to be crucified. But love is to remain, so love is not a feeling. Love is action
Way to go, IdahoIf some Idaho Republican legislators get their way, a resolution will be passed that declares Idaho to be a Christian state.Way to go, Idaho7 months ago in Personal More Like This
OK, so forget that this kind of thing is totally unconstitutional for a minute... just, in the first place, why? First, it's a non-binding resolution. It has *zero* effect on law or regulations. I mean, if you want people to know you're not only Christian, but damn proud of it, you can always gather your little church group, go to a park, and yell it out at the top of your lungs. Do you really need to pass this in a body of legislation?
Secondly, they claim they are sick of "Christianity becoming a second-class citizen behind other religions". Seriously? Not only is Idaho one of the whitest states in the nation (86% white, 3% native, 10% identify as Hispanic or multi-ethnic, and blacks you could count on one hand and don't surpass the margin of statistical error), it is also one of the most Christian in the nation: in the latest Pew poll of religious affilia
Dear Creationist...This is a small portion of a discussion I had with a Creationist. A person who believes the universe was created somewhere between 6, and 12 thousand years ago. And are often fanatically devoted to their chosen holy book. This is not meant to 'offend all religious people'... just the ones who are d**ks about it.Dear Creationist...6 months ago in Personal More Like This
This is my closing statement, that ended the debate:
"You know we have a speed of light right? Good, so, we have something called 'Light years'. What that means is that one light year, is the distance it would take for light to travel after a year.
You say that our universe if only a couple of thousand years old, no? Right. So... what do you say when we can measure stars and galaxies that are so far away, that it would take over 3 billion years for that light to reach us? And some even 6, 9, and 13.
That has two possibilities. That A, that a timeless, formless, matter less, creator, aka, god, deliberately
Let's say you were rightAnother "debate killer". This is again, not meant as a slam against "Everyone who doesLet's say you were right5 months ago in Personal More Like This
not believe exactly like me." Not at all. You are more than allowed to disagree with me.
I am a secularist, and pro democracy. But as much right you have to disagree with me,
I have the same, when it comes to disagreeing with you.
"Let's say the Christians were right. That means that the Muslim firefighter, who
tragically died, by a building collapsing on him, when he tried to save a family from
burning alive. He goes to hell.
The family, lets say there were Hindu. Hell. Even the children. For the crime of being
born the wrong place. But the man who set fire to the building because he wanted the
insurance money... he goes to heaven, because he believed in Christ. And you dare to
call me a-moral.
I don't believe in gods, nor an afterlife. That is why I want this world to be better. Not
simply 'outlived'. I want everyone to have a place to call home. A roof over their heads.
The Devil You KnowHe was my father,The Devil You Know1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
That does not mean he wasn't cruel.
I was the morning star,
Who watched him while he ruled.
He was my king,
I could never be equal to him,
Only proud to be so close,
I'd raise my glass to toast the host.
He was my idol,
Until I grew old enough to see,
The holes in his patchwork 'perfection'
And in those he left to bleed.
He was my fascination,
But one that left me appalled.
He abused his power
But some how left us all enthralled.
He was the dictator,
And he cast me out for being proud,
Leaving me to fall so far,
But I didn't hit the ground.
He was the villain,
He needed to be stopped,
Even if it meant a war on Heaven
And letting my wings be cropped.
He was the victor,
And he was the one who wrote the books,
We were left demonized,
And made out to be villainous crooks.
He was the shepard,
Leading the sheeple off the edge,
I couldn't bear to see it happen,
So I gave them knowledge to question what he says.
He was the Lord,
Who let us languish in the dark.
The Race - Short Story“It’s your race and yours alone. Others may run it with you but no one can run it for you.”The Race - Short Story5 months ago in Short Stories More Like This
How right they are. Even now I feel my heart slam against my ribcage. Any time now, the bones will shatter, piercing my flesh with shards like daggers. Why am I so nervous? There is no life and death, no risk of harm, no exam encroaching - yet this dread is all consuming. It is so constant now, like my stomach is a storm threatening to break loose. Waves of anxiety surge through my brain, exploding against my skull as though desperate to break from the turmoil. Thunder crackles overhead, making my temples ache.
I am just another person, another student, another racehorse. I trudge along an unending road filled with others, yet alone I walk. I pull behind me a cart of text books and assignments; pet projects and exams papers; hopes and dreams. They weigh on me like lead – a burden of my own making. Of course, it is my choice to do this. I may tip the weight from my c
Ending this 'Marriage' Nonsense: Once and for All.Yet again... Christians have been blathering about traditional marriage as defined by "The Bible"...Ending this 'Marriage' Nonsense: Once and for All.1 year ago in Personal More Like This
So being the well educated man I am, I have my Bible right here... Or rather, all 66 of its properly named books... So let us look at marriage as defined by The Bible.
Definition 1: One man, and One woman (Genesis 4:1)
Definition 2: One man, and his sister (Genesis 4:17)
Definition 3: One man, his sister, and one female slave (Genesis 16:3)
Definition 4: One man, and an inanimate mineral (Genesis 19:26)
*Definition 5: One woman, and her rapist (Deuteronomy 22:28-29)
Definition 6: One man, and the girl he kidnaps and rapes after killing her entire family (Judges 21:7-23)
Definition 7: One man, and eight women (1 Chronicals 3:1-9)
Definition 8: One man, and his mother(s) (2 Samuel 16:21)
^Definition 9: One man, and 1,000 women (1 Kings 11:3)
Definition 11: One man, one woman, and the male slave the woman's father hired to rape her (1 Chronicles 2:34-35)
#Definition 12: O
United States vs. All Sacred SpermSo this Friday, a federal appeals court of D.C. handed down their ruling on a lawsuit brought by a number of plaintiffs against the ACA women's contraceptive insurance coverage. Let me peal back the layers of this stinking onion.United States vs. All Sacred Sperm11 months ago in Personal More Like This
The plaintiffs contend that because they are so super religious, they cannot provide contraceptive insurance for their female workers. And they further contend that they are being harmed (a condition of having legal standing to bring a lawsuit of this nature) by having their religious rights infringed - in other words, the government is forcing them to do something they object to on religious grounds.
What's up with these churches? - you might ask. Well, that's the first idiotic layer. Churches already get plenty of exemptions on religious ground, primarily because their whole business is all about furthering a religious view. But no, these groups, for the most part are private organizations filing on behalf of private corporations, non-profits, and partnershi
Clockpunk and a buried wishYour clockwork is damaged,Clockpunk and a buried wish5 years ago in Songs & Lyrics More Like This
your wings stopped to work
I watch you falling
your hair drowned in the air
and I shiver
the crafter's betrayal
I can't understand
so you fall from Eden
to devil beneath and
I hope that my porcellain
I wish I could reset
the clocks in your chest
to make this not happen
to make us both happy
but I see the shards
and I start to gather
The Racism of the LeftThe Racism of the Left: The Soft Bigotry of Low ExpectationsThe Racism of the Left8 months ago in Personal More Like This
The need to criticize ideas is obvious; it weeds out poor ideas, and refines better ones, strengthening them, and alerts people to flaws and problems they may not have considered, etc. Generally, the competition or marketplace of ideas creates an intellectual environment for positive societal evolution and progress.
An area of human thought that requires specific critical attention - as you may have noticed if you've seen my gallery - are dogmas: sets of ideas posited without evidence and taught as unquestionably true. Dogmas are commonly to be found in the form of religions. Dogmatism stifles free thought and inquiry, closing down avenues of knowledge and exploration. Dogmas are divisive, and oftentimes backwards and even dangerous. They put forth and glorify older, more archaic and less sophisticated moral and philosophical systems, hindering in a very real way the ethics and functionali
DepressionDepression3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
When I was younger I was always happy,
And very rarely sad,
But about a year ago,
Everything went from good to bad.
I now grow distant each day,
Every evening I lie in my bed,
Tear streaked cheeks,
Wishing I was dead.
It's no different at school,
I have become a freak,
I am bullied everyday,
Everything has turned bleak.
I asked for help,
And I recieved the same phrase,
It's cause your a teenager,
You'll get over it one of these days.
It got worse a few months later,
I took a breath and cut my arm,
Watched the blood drip,
Yes, I self harm.
I cry every night,
Till I eventually fall asleep,
But then morning comes,
And again I weep.
The Fable of the Stray FoxThe Fable of the Stray FoxThe Fable of the Stray Fox3 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
Just like people the animals hold their own societies, but whilst we elect to live in houses within or outside of cities the animals choose to remain outside all together. Take the fox, perhaps the most cunning and certainly among the dangerous of all animals to roam the woods. The foxes reigned proud in the centre of the woods, kings and queens among the animals there, feared and respected by all who wasn't a fox.
However like the societies of man, the foxes were capable of being unjust and cruel. In the coven of the foxes was born a youngling, he wasn't a runt nor was he a high ranking male but yet he was spurned by all whom was a fox. He wasn't sure why, he didn't feel too different from all the others. He walked like they did and acted like they did yet no matter what his endeavours it only got him shame from his parents and hatred from the coven. So the young fox grew to be alone.
The years and the foxes were unkind to the young fox, he learned to
America Catches Up to Marriage EqualityToday is perhaps the second most significant day in the U.S. for marriage egalitarianism under the law. The first day was when the Supreme Court of the US struck down DOMA, a federal act that barred the federal government from recognizing gay marriages performed in states that allowed same-sex marriages. In the years since that decision, many conservative states have passed local bans on same-sex marriage. Conservatives even managed to slip Proposition 8 through in California (a measure that was later trounced). Nearly all of those bans have been challenged, and the majority were thrown out as unconstitutional by lower courts. Today, the Supreme Court of the US has ruled that all bans on same-sex marriage are unconstitutional, and that marriage is a universal right (and leads to many other rights) that are subject to the equal protection clause of the 14th amendment. No state may abridge those rights. This has now opened up marital rights to the entirety of the United States.America Catches Up to Marriage Equality3 months ago in Personal More Like This