Com: Blood Raining Night pt.2
This will be the review/commentary on chapters 4-10. But before I start, let's set up a game you can play while reading. For every redundant phrase, plot hole and misspelled word you notice, take a sip of whatever beverage you have. I strongly don't recommend alcohol, because something tells me that's going to get you buzzed in less than 15 minutes.
Chapter 4 - The Avatar of the Yakuza
[What? Another series is going to be brought into this? Oh hell no.]
"Huuuu-haa!" her black hair wiped around like a black wip. There was a feirce look of constetration on her face as fire and air came out of her hands.
Denmark took Reicheru over to her, "Rei-kun" he said, "meet Korra, your new tutor in learning the dark arts of air and fire bending."
[*Concentration; *Fierce; *Whipped. I didn't know air and fire were considered dark elements. I'd rather bend Lithium anyday.]
"Konnichiwa! Watashinonamaeha Reicheru Ketsueki, sore wa anata ni aete ureshidesu!" Rei bowed, formally, her
Com: Blood Raining NightI'll do multiple chapters at a time. This is a blind review/commentary on Blood Raining Night by ~Reicheru-Ketsueki. Before we get started, I'd like to mention I wish no harm towards this user. I only intend to humor people. And no, Eris is not helping me on this one. Reading "My Immortal" made her quit. This features chapters 1-3. My commentary is in italics and square brackets.Com: Blood Raining Night3 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
Chapter One - The First Rainy Night
The sky was blue out. Reicheru had just opened her golden eyes to the morning like she has for the past 17 years of her life. She grogily rubbed her hands on her eyelids and rolled over. She was staring Denmark in the face or as she calls him "Denny."
[So, I'm guessing this is a Hetalia fanfiction where the OC is paired with a canon character? Or maybe that creepy socially awkward kid from "The Room" tagged along!]
"Denny-Kuuuun," she spoke softly like floating butterflies on the breeze "good morn
Com: Blood Raining Night pt.3Com: Blood Raining Night pt.33 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
Part three of the fanfiction review. I'm going to be more blunt this time. Featuring parts 11-15.
listen, if you guys are too immature 2 handle the sexy parts of my story then you should just not read it, k?
you guys commenting on chapter 9 should stop pointing fingers at me and telling me there's something wrong with me, I write bad, and those other things.
[It's not because people are immature, it's because people don't want others to be exposed to that shit. Yes, your writing is horrible. I can't tell what grade you're in. If
you are taking English class, it seems like you're ignoring the instructions and paying more attention to anime and learning Japanese.]
Chapter 11 - A Beautiful Voice Lost in the Rain
Sensei laughed really hard, "good going Minna. You should join the contest, too. Do any of you ever sing in the shower?"
[I don't know anyone who does.]
They all looked at each other and said, "yeah
Com: Blood Raining Night pt.4Com: Blood Raining Night pt.43 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
Hello to all the readers out there. You know the drill, just have an ice-pack ready. Aaaaannnd, GO!
lostsa decription and awesomeness, it's FINALLY DONE!!!!
[Alright then, let's see what you've got!]
Chapter 16 - The Witch and the Huntress
it was scary and cold outside. Nothing could be heard but the breathing of Reicheru, Yuki and Minna. not even birds fluttered like fishes in the ocean through the sky of everlashting darkness and the stars.
[Here's a hint, "show us rather than "tell" us. How was it scary outside? Quiet isn't enough to be scary.]
They were looking for Luka who was known for her beautiful singing voice and magic spells that were vasted over people and goodness did she have big boobs! Other people thought that maybe she was the child of the goddess of Aphroditee.
[It's "goddess Aphrodite". Putting "of" between those words suggest that the character is a child of Aphrodite's underlings rather than
Rev: Harrys SisRev: Harrys Sis3 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and creeps sneaking under the seats, we're reviewing another Harry Potter fic. Eris has come along for the lulz. This fic was written
by esfaniarules. We take no credit for any broken bones or loss of IQ. Read at your own risk.
hi my nane is evangelinee estefania ewok fanny for short (ew not that one u creep) i am harry potters adooted tiwn sis and am even smarted than his bff hermine. wen mine
mum and da ded cuz hawry was want by lord volmort
[Eris: Oh dear God, this is worse than My Immortal!
Me: She's named after a furry butt, of course this is going to be terrible!]
ay way my bff is ginie Wesley nd she is ron's sis lyk im hairys [Use some Nair then!] my final name is eqow [A cow.] cuz i got adoited by sme ppl wiv tnat
[Eris: She was adopted by farmers? That's nice.]
my bf cedic dyed cuz hary tuk him to a gravyard ad voolmort dyed him [What color?]
so on my waay trnsfiguration wiv profesor mcg
Cobra Commander Reviews My Immortal: Chapter 1The following insanity is brought to you by :iconanarchywriter:, who convinced me carry out this madness!Cobra Commander Reviews My Immortal: Chapter 13 years ago in Personal More Like This
:iconcobraplz: Greetings, future COBRA slaves! Your glorious soon-to-be leader has seen fit to generously donate his time for your amusement, in a spontaneous display of compassion and benevolence!
:icondestro-plz: In other words, he was found guilty of crimes against humanity by the World Court, and his sentence was either this or ten years hard labor.
:iconcobraplz: Blast it Destro! I don't remember inviting you here! Wait, why are you here? What do you care about some pointless review of some vapid story?
:icondestro-plz: You have no idea what "My Immortal" is, do you Commander?
:iconcobraplz: Why would a military geni
Time (Ichigo x Reader)Time (Ichigo x Reader) 2 months ago in Romance More Like This
Ichigo Kurosaki looked behind him as he departed from the soul society after saving Rukia, most of the soul reapers had seen him off as he left with his friends. Looking back he saw (name), a soul reaper he had met and befriended, he smiled to himself knowing he would see her again.
Aizen had been sealed up and peace had returned to the soul society as (name) walked with Renji as he just returned from giving Ichigo his soul reaper powers back.
"I wonder what Ichigo could want summoning everyone like this."
"He's certainly changed from the guy who invaded the seireitei."
"Eh, he's still the same Ichigo. Hasn't changed much."
Renji replied back as he recalled meeting with Ichigo again, as if on cue a voice called out to the two soul reapers of the same division.
"Speak of the devil, there he is."
Rukia was also in tow as the four soul reapers began to conversation with one another.
"Hey Renji, (name). Are you guys headed to see captain Yammamoto too?"
"Yes you idiot, wh
Pick up lines (Ichigo x Reader)Pick up lines (Ichigo x Reader)2 months ago in Romance More Like This
"screw that! I'm not doing that!"
"Ichigo! Stop being a woman and man up!"
Renji exclaimed as he tried to push the Orange hair teenager out the door but the substitute soul reaper had a hold on the door.
"Shut up renji! It's not that simple! Let go of me!"
"Oh come on! Rukia a little help here."
Rukia chuckled to herself in a dark manner as she waved a familiar iPod in her hands in front of Ichigo's face making his face go pale.
"Listen here Ichigo. It's rather simple. Either you accept the dare or I play this song you don't want your crush to hear. The choice is yours."
Hungry teenagers told the cashier what they wanted as the fast food workers worked diligently to make sure their customers got what they ordered.
"Thanks come again!"
Afterwards a sigh left (name) lips as she finally finished the last order as she watched the look wanting to go home. It was now after the lunch hour and the restaurant had settled down.
That was until a familar trio walked
Shark Week - Halibel"Stupid Amazon! You don't even know what you're doing!"Shark Week - Halibel4 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
"Shut up, Apacci! I know more then you!"
Halibel let out a sigh. The former Tres Espada listened as her former fraccion, Apacci and Mila Rose, argue over something pointless. Their anger then was pointed towards the third of her fraccion, Sung-Sun, said something that once again agitated them.
Halibel remembered how they ended up at this point in their lives. They had been working for a man named Sosuke Aizen and had been fighting the Soul Reapers. Her fraccion had been almost burned to death by the soutaicho of the Soul Society, Genryusai Yamamoto. Then the very man she had been working for, him stating that he was done with her, attacked her herself. In her rage, she tried to attack Aizen, but due to his illusions, she was attacked again, being sent falling to the ground below.
It was some time after the battle that she awoke. At f
Golden Secrets [ShunUki]"... Hey, Jū~?" If anyone else in the captain meeting heard Shunsui's quiet voice, they didn't acknowledge it. The white haired male silently groaned to himself as he shifted his gaze swiftly from the captain-commander to his lover.Golden Secrets [ShunUki]2 years ago in Humor More Like This
"What?" Jūshirō's whispered voice was laced with irritation. "Surely it can wait until this is over."
"Nope~. It can't." Shunsui smirked. "It's very important."
Jūshirō's nervous green eyes returned to the captain-commander. "I doubt that."
"Oh come on, Jū~. Just listen to me."
"Don't be so stubborn." Jūshirō knew without looking that a pout had formed on the brunette's stubbled face.
"If it is so very important, Captain Kyōraku, then share it with the rest of us." An old, irritated voice interrupted the bickering couple. The mentioned male blinked, turning his grey gaze to look around at his fellow captains, all of which had their eyes locked on
Terror [Hanataro x Reader]Overwhelming terror overtook Hanatarou as he walked through the sewers alongside (Name), his shaky hands placed on her arm. (Name) had been injured throughout all of the chaos above. While Hanatarou worried about Ichigo, Ganju, and their journeys, his main objective at the moment was to get (Name) some help.Terror [Hanataro x Reader]6 months ago in Humor More Like This
"H-How're you feeling, (Name)? I-Is your leg still hurting?" Hanatarou questioned, glancing down at her wounded area. (Name) stopped walking, bent down, and placed both of her hands on her knee.
"It really hurts." She admitted. "I don't know if I should keep walking. Even though I've been trying to keep off of it as much as possible as we've walked, it's still in a lot of pain."
"O-Oh no..." Hanatarou gulped, his panic rising more and more each second. How could her get her any help when she couldn't walk? "You have to be able to walk, (Name)! I-I can't get you any help if you can't- Oh no!" Hanatarou started pacing back and forth, sweat pouring off of his forehead.
"Can you go get
Stop!Stop screaming at me like you do--Stop!1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
your angry words only cause me pain.
Why are you yelling at me, anyway?
I certainly don't deserve this crud!
Stop calling me those words of hate--
then turn around and tell me of love.
I don't need you hurting me like this...
then trying to play on my heartstrings.
Stop using me as a scratching post--
be it spiritual or physical, it hurts.
Your conduct is showing you care not
for me or the love that I have for you.
Stop treating me badly, for if you don't--
I will no longer be here for you, ever.
You have a choice, my dear...make it good,
for the wrong one will cost you dearly!
Smile [Gin Ichimaru Ficlet]Smile [Gin Ichimaru Ficlet]1 year ago in Introductions & Chapters More Like This
[Name] stared down at the framed photograph in her hands. She could remember the moment like it was yesterday and, like it had then, it made her smile as she thought about it.
Gin had asked her to go out on a picnic with him. Naturally, she had agreed; she was in love with the man after all. On her way out of her home to meet him, she stuffed her slim silver camera in her pocket, knowing that it would definitely take some cajoling to get Gin to agree to even look at the camera, much less take an actual picture.
Gin had gone all of the way: he'd brought a blanket, a little wicker basket full of food, a bottle of wine. It had made [Name] giggle at how serious he had been about that date. Then again, Gin Ichimaru was serious about every date that he ever took [Name] on. He said it was because he loved her and [Name] really did believe him.
Their picnic had been in a nice little clearing; no one else was around to bother them except for the birds in the trees and the occasional bee or butt
The Nightly Debate [Shunsui x Jushiro]For as much as Shunsui and Jūshirō have always agreed with one another, they have had their differences throughout the years. After they had moved in together, they realized that their greatest differences lied in the bedroom.The Nightly Debate [Shunsui x Jushiro]11 months ago in Humor More Like This
Of course, Shunsui and Jūshirō have never been like a normal couple. Instead of disagreeing with one another over sexual matters in bed each night, they commonly discussed a more serious matter; what they were going to watch on television that night.
Being the more serious man that he is, Jūshirō enjoys watching informative shows. He enjoys the occasional, child-friendly sit-com as well, the ones that he would be able to watch with his younger siblings. On the other hand, Shunsui preferred shows of a different sort.
Shunsui's favourite type of television show was reality t.v. He wasn't sure why he enjoyed watching the hectic, staged lives of spoiled celebrities, but after the first episode of "The Real Housewives of Orange County," S
Com: BRN ch. 19[Chapter 19 of Blood Raining Night by Reicheru-Ketsueki. Eris is coming along for the ride this time.Com: BRN ch. 193 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
Eris: The other chapters were... I don't know what to even say.]
wheeeeeeeew!!!! thank god it's finally chapter 19~!
AREN"T WE EXCITED!!!! I AM!!!!!!
sorry lol, little hyper because my new episode is taking tons of images to make.
[You mean you're using a camera for this? Excessive imagery means nothing in a story that doesn't have plot consistency or decent characters.]
i'm very tired -.-
It's usually only around 60 but this is super detailed so yeahhh~
a few people complain about my Japanese
FINE i will include more into my story
I could translate this all into Japanese if I had to :/
[Oh, I bet that would result in some hilarious mistranslations. Your poor grasp of English alone is splitting my sides!
Eris: Does she even know her fanfic is being torn up by us freaks?
Me: No, doesn't seem so, my lady.]