Uncertainty and DoubtDoes anyone else stand at the edge of the stair and look down,
wondering what it would feel like to never know how far the next step is?
As if you could walk blindly, and fall, sink, down into an un-foretold reality,
Lose yourself in chaos, the bitter chilled unknown
I stand here now on the edge of porcelain stairs,
Peeking downward through my ebony lashes,
I feel a grip in my spirit,
A sickening wave of dizziness rolls over me,
Knocking me back, nudging doubt deeper into my skin like a poisonous shard.
"Do I step forward? Or do I wait in this haunting pain "
Biting my lip, wringing my hands, my blood dancing loudly,
I realize my future can only improve from my past,
I have to take these chances,
And play my best bet.
Gripping the glassy banister,
I steal a severed breath,
True Love: A Painted Myth?Forgive me if I intrude,True Love: A Painted Myth?2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
If I'm a little bold,
I've always been a little odd,
From all that I've been told
But something about the way you smile,
Something about the way you trust,
Good Lord, send me a soul to love,
And forget this useless lust
So many tiring hours spent,
Looking for his name
Trying to find a hint,
If he's still the same
I could have been the secret girl,
Chosen at a whim,
I threw my heart at his chest,
But still, I did choose him
I don't know what is real anymore,
My mind does war against me,
Somehow I must get the patience,
To tame the visions that taint me.
So please forgive me if I'm odd,
My heart is just too hopeless to worry with,
But also because I am scared,
That true love is just a painted myth.
The Nocturnal DriveThe smooth dark silk splits,The Nocturnal Drive2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Highlighted by stars on silver straws,
Casting a haunting glow down upon the worn gravel,
As insatiable shadows grovel past.
The sky above is painted with ornamented denim,
The moon, an ivory button,
Polished but forgotten on its dusty shelf.
The music of ages passes through the muggy air,
The muffled thrum of cycling onyx rings,
And the feeling of emptiness,
Gliding like a nocturnal demoness,
My eyes, cold and translucent, stare ahead and watch the world blur.
I could spend an eternity in this softened throne,
Enjoying the simplicity of the sweet darkness,
Of a long drive at night.
I Won't Exist...I sit here on a sunken bed,I Won't Exist...2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Surrounded by bright, meaningless colors,
The room itself numbed by patterns and details,
So many treasures,
So many "important" awards, trophies,
So many perfectly stacked books,
So many perfectly arranged pictures of a perfectly posing girl,
All of it means nothing, NOTHING!!!
And yet everything
Every little freaking thing in this little freaking room,
Is a part, a piece, a puzzle,
Of my existence All of this is me as I exist in their eyes .
Sometimes I just want to sweep my arm across the dresser,
Throw everything to the floor,
Watch the cheap perfume bottles shatter, sending hazy fumes into the air.
Sometimes, I just want to stab a knife through the paintings,
ripping straight down and leave the canvas flying.
Breaking all the sculptures, decided I won't exist anymore.
Sometimes, I just really want to break these windows I sleep by,
And slip my pale legs through the shattered glass.
I want to hold the match and let it lick my finger,
Pressure to ChangeIt frightens me truly,Pressure to Change2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
That one last step
It's like leaning toward a chasm,
So deep you can smell the smoke from hell.
"You have to do this, and this, and that"
"You must apply for this, pass this, buy that"
So much pressure,
So little time,
So much expected of me of my talents my mind.
Hold my hand, so that when I jump into the darkness,
I know that you will be there .
Whisper my name, so that when I forget who I am in fear,
I will remember my true spirit's flame.
I do not want to fail,
I cannot disappoint you,
I have to win,
I have to make this look good,
I have to make you proud.
Where does this stress come from?
I know you don't force it on me
When will I be able to accept that it's okay to make mistakes?
And that it's okay to be me?
Strong Enough...A shivering breath,Strong Enough...2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
A chill on the skin,
The continuous twittering of the southern crickets,
And a little girl, curled in her bed.
Just a little brown-headed girl,
All tucked in without a care,
Her dreams take her across the world and under the sea,
With Disney-fied promises of true love and happy endings.
How simple it really was,
Back before that girl became me
She used to fantasize and dream during both turns of the Sun,
And never feared anything or anyone.
She loved both her mother and her father,
Her little baby sister and her pups and kittens,
She loved everything.
She knew nothing.
That little brown-headed girl never knew her mother's bitter heart as well as I do now,
And she never knew her sister would change,
She never knew her father would nearly work himself to death each night,
And she didn't know that money controlled the world.
She never knew that she'd be criticized for her body by others,
For her mind and spirit by her own blood-kin,
She never knew that one day, s
Whisper to MeWhisper to me in my hair,Whisper to Me3 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
Tell me if you're real,
Tell me all the sacred things,
I never thought I'd feel.
Whisper to me in my neck,
Tell me if I'm sane,
Tell me that you miss me,
And you'll hold my hand again.
Whisper to me in my back,
Tell me our love remained,
Tell me that you still care,
And your heart, my words have stained.
Stand up, Now!Out the window,Stand up, Now!2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Through the sky,
The dawn ignites my way,
I see across the world's rounded skin,
And cry tears of rain,
For all the pain.
I am trying to call out to you,
"Breathe, Live, Remember!"
But not a single soul is listening,
We are all bound by our own chains of self-disgust and anger.
I will run to you,
Across the lands,
Across the seas.
Raise you up by your shoulders,
"Stand up, Now!"
Wipe your tears,
Shed your skin,
Break your chains,
Let your life begin.
"Now! Stand up, Now!"
Screaming in frustration,
I drain my blood and give a little to you all,
In hopes that you will breathe,
In hopes that you will live,
In hopes that you will remember.
I have spread my blood so thin around the skies,
The dawn is tinted crimson and maroon,
My voice is tired from casting it around the world,
Now it is only the winds' whisper.
My body is so drained and weak,
I lay under the elder maple tree,
My skin translucent and paper-like.
Slowly, a shadow,
Silent DescriptionsThe silence in this home is overwhelmingSilent Descriptions2 years ago in Emotional More Like This
Cool air kissing my face,
The warmth of a canines snore against your feet.
Silence is only welcomed by the beckoning glow of glass lamp,
Decorated with a bronze hummingbird and cheap jewels
The blankets drape more than needed, tumbling down to a cold wooden floor,
Like cotton waterfalls of purpled hues and ivory seams
If I close my eyes, I see nothing, but then, something
A red cloud shifting to blue and green, like a bejeweled swarm of hornets.
My blood, it pounds within my neck and I can feel every thrum,
I can feel the cool air writhing its way down my throat, painting the inside of my lungs with mint.
This home is silent, aside from the slow pattering of nimble fingers on keys,
And secret tunes carried by string, known only to me
But aside from the music, aside from the pattering, aside from the canine snores,
There is only silence,
And that alone,
To comfort my weary soul.
The Clockwork Doll's ReflectionThe clockwork doll stumbles home,The Clockwork Doll's Reflection3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
She cries oil on her bed,
Falling to the floor she splits her side,
And pulls out her broken heart.
It's large but rusted,
Hardened and dark,
Thorns have grown around it,
A weed with one red bud.
Gasping she fingers the bud,
Its beauty precious and young,
How can something so beautiful,
Bring so much torment and pain?
Placing her heart back in her chest,
She seals the seams and stands,
In the mirror, a human girl cries,
Her brown hair draping down across her arms.
Around her on the floor,
Are scattered papers and sketches.
Swinging from her hand,
Is a ring on a cord.
The clockwork doll steps towards the mirror,
And places her silver hand on the glass,
From inside the mirror,
The human girl sniffs, and sighs,
Smiling up at her half-heartedly,
Life is Short, Love is QuickWhat usually happens when one finds a true love? And I don't mean a soul-mate, twin-flame kind of love, I mean that kind of love that ignites your skin and makes your blood rush with excitement at his/her name? What usually happens? The girl most likely falls for the guy first, in most occasions. Thus, she hides her feelings because it would be considered "improper" or for some other reason. Or perhaps the young man falls for the lass quicker? And he doesn't whisper a word to her in fear of rejection or something else something deeper. Either way, the genders hide their true thoughts of the other because of uncertainty on a matter. And I can't stand this at all.Life is Short, Love is Quick2 years ago in Emotional More Like This
If a man were to love me, in spirit or in blood, I pray that he have enough strength and courage to tell me what he truly thinks of me. I want the truth, not tip-toeing around the subject. And yet, am I not being hypocritical? I have had tons of crushes, as any other human being in this world, and onl
You'll Never Catch MeThere,You'll Never Catch Me3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
In the center of the prison,
Sways a starved young woman.
She drifts side to side,
Swinging from her rusted manacles.
"You'll never catch me, my dears," she sings,
"You'll never capture my soul,"
"As long as I still breathe, my dears,"
"My spirit will be whole!"
She chuckles and sighs,
Tears in her eyes,
Staining her irises red,
This acrobatic game she plays,
Fills her veins with lead.
"I will stay here, however long, and you will never see,"
"I can sing, here, in my cell,"
"But, my dears, you'll never catch me!"
The Letter My Parents Will Never ReadThe words just slip through my teeth, now,The Letter My Parents Will Never Read3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
They dance out of my throat and coat my tongue,
"I don't like that anymore"
"I'm still the same person"
"I'm not mad at you"
I've gotten so good at lying, now,
I sometimes can't tell when even I'm telling the truth.
"Sure, everything's good"
"See? I'm smiling"
"I haven't had my first kiss"
You know what?
I'm not fine.
I have to hide my heart from my own parents because they don't understand.
I have to pretend that I'm mad at him and have "repented from my ways".
But in reality, I wait to read his words online,
I see his pictures,
I've kept the notes we wrote to each other in secret,
I'm in pain.
I'm hurt and full of longing to see him again,
Because you wouldn't let me be with him for the most idiotic reason,
Part of me hates you,
Part of me loves you,
Part of me is angry and spitting fire,
Part of me is hurt and bleeding.
And the more that you both pretend that ever
Please....Just....Look At Me NowThis feeling in my heart thickens and festers,Please....Just....Look At Me Now2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
An old wound, aggravated by time and fear,
Doubt, and hopelessness
All I need is to hear your words again,
They were once the only ones that could comfort me
Now, it's like I'm the hopeful child waiting for a miracle
Why have you abandoned me so
What reason will you claim, if you ever take notice again
But I am afraid.
I am afraid of myself
Because I know the longer I am confused,
The longer I am lost, broken, abandoned, forgotten,
The more resentful my blood becomes .
And the wound becomes infected with all the doubts,
All the worrying, the panicking, the stress
And I don't know what to do .
Are you telling me to let my heart release you?
You just don't know, do you?
You just don't know
A Mother's HateWhat am I to do?A Mother's Hate2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Other than silently scream,
Crying tears poisoned by your hate,
And holding my hands so tight my fingers ache?
What am I to do?
When you twist my words to make them disrespectful,
When you claim I'm stupid and naïve, retarded and clueless,
And the only blood-sister I have spits out your own insults as she pleases?
What am I to do?
Other than hide online and secretly write my thoughts,
Shaking my head and staring off into space,
Standing there as you rant on and on .and on .?
What am I to do?
When you tell me you want me out,
And that you can't wait until the world ruins me?
Ruins me until I turn into you?
What am I to do?
Other than hide in my room,
Surrounded by pointless treasures .
Shadowed paintings and dusty sculptures
What am I to do?
When you made me feel like this before,
Nothing mattered anymore .
And I only felt the pain that comes from a mother's hate.
The Shower's TherapyLetting the skins drape to the floor,The Shower's Therapy2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I reveal my body to the chilled sliding glass,
Stepping away from a mottled brown door,
The sudden sound of rain across tile soothes my ears.
Each step across the icy floor, over into the light blue haven,
A breath, a gasp, the warmth of each droplet slicing my skin, my blood spreading,
My hair loops down across my shoulders,
Like silken chords of brunette hues shining,
I watch as the water slides down the ropes, and dances off into the air before thinning below,
Slowly, I'm shaking,
My breath too shallow, backing up, clearing my eyes,
I lay against the stones and let the rain envelop me.
I forget everything and listen to it rush past my ears.
I watch as it decorates my pale skin with peach dew drops,
And I envy...
I close my eyes and let this constant pounding of the shower beat down on my back,
My nerves begin to dull and I feel rocked to sleep,
tucked in by the coolness of the tiles below my legs...
When I try to stand again, in fear of sitting
My Label/ Hi, My Name Is...Sometimes I think I need to wear a label,My Label/ Hi, My Name Is...2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
That will tell you what is wrong with me
"Hi, My Name Is:
Easily loving, falls to quickly, doesn't know when to stop, tries her best but can't succeed, and only wants to hold someone's hand to feel that hand on her shoulder when she cries "
The ink would be smudged across as if written in haste, a couple letters bolded in spots as if trying to fix a mistake So many mistakes
The edges would be peeling as if to forget I ever existed all together
Sometimes, I think I need to wear a warning
So you will know ahead of time that I'm too broken to repair too lost to be found too hurt to heal and pretend to smile, often .
So that when you don't like what you read, I can just tear it away, and write another
But no matter what I try, my name is always the same .
Memories Between the BooksOpen the doors,Memories Between the Books2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
The soft click of the metal lever,
The once soothing silence of the room is now suffocating.
Each step towards the shelves,
I hear only my quickened heartbeat,
And my shallow breath.
Dragging my fingers along the worn wooden shelving,
Letting my skin dance with every glimpse of his face,
I can't see what's in front of me,
I'm looking into the past
When we sat there, and there, and in-between here with our favorite words
And so much more
I never thought it would be this hard,
Each and every step,
The slow, prolonged placement of my shoes on carpeted memories,
Like a movie scene,
Flashing before my eyes.
No, my friend, I'm not grumpy,
I'm trying to be fine
Please do not worry for me
I will learn how eventually
Close My Eyes, Yet There It IsThere's something there that nudges my heart ,Close My Eyes, Yet There It Is2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
It pulls my lips into a smile that I can't control.
There's something there that draws the laughter from my chest,
And centers my attention in a way I haven't felt in a while .
I pull away and shake my head.
Press it against the chilled stone wall.
Close my eyes and remember.
Close my eyes and remember
The pain from before,
The scars left behind,
The reason for the need to escape .
I can't do this not again .
It would probably be best if I locked up my heart,
Muzzled it and tied it up,
Restrained and hidden from the breaking star-light.
Close my eyes and remember
.There there it is again .
Close my eyes and .
There it is, coaxing and gentle
Close my ..
There it is again, reminding me, whispering to me...
What am I to do?
I close my eyes, turn away, remind mys
Please....Remind Me...Falling through their split-laced curtain,Please....Remind Me...2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Their venom-gilded web,
I extend my hand towards their bitter cackling,
Trying to hold on to my existence .
They are my blood,
They are my family,
But every glance is two-faceted,
And every remark is double its original worth.
They will never accept me,
They will never understand,
And the metallic sharpness,
Creates acid from their lips,
And the stinging denial,
Gives birth to underlying hatred.
I dance between both worlds known to me,
But I'd prefer to be in only one.
I lie through my teeth daily,
I put on a show and pretend,
And I constantly remind myself I am stronger,
I will survive their sickening trials .
If I know that I am stronger,
That I can do this until I am free,
Then why do I find myself holding myself together at night,
Crying in the corner of a chilled shower tile,
Wondering why I never feel like I have a future,
Where they will accept me for what I am doing and have been doing
No PDANo PDA,No PDA2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
If only they knew what it is like to love someone forbidden...
We cannot love at home...
We cannot love at school...
Where are we to hide our affections?
The shadows I suppose,
will keep our secrets faster than that of spiteful teachers' lips...
If only they knew what it's like to need someone you cannot possess...
To have an unpredictable foundation of life,
Knowing, that if caught, everything would fall...
At least where they can see,
I am fighting for something of worth,
to love both worlds known to me...
At least where they can see.
Life Is Kind of Like A Bike Ride...Hold tight to the handlebars,Life Is Kind of Like A Bike Ride...2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Remember how to use the brake,
And never, ever, lose sight of the road ahead of you.
Life is kind of like a bike ride
Riding up the road,
I feel my muscles burn,
I feel the roughness of my breath,
And the pleasant weightlessness of being on wheels.
I feel the wind split across my face,
The summer sky painting itself just for me tonight,
I smile as I enjoy this one perfect moment of bliss;
There's no one yelling my name,
No one threatening my future,
No one telling me I'm wrong,
Or that I'm too weak.
I smile as I just let the road fly underneath me,
The black rings circling for as long as I please.
Going down the hill just to amuse myself,
I stop pedaling and let gravity lead my way.
Down, down, fast I fly,
Past broken houses, rusted cars,
Broken memories and burning scars,
Down past everything I wish to leave behind,
I let the road fly underneath me,
And release my troubled mind.
Here, In My HandsH e r eHere, In My Hands2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
In my hands
Barely holding on to my flushed fingertips,
Is a dream.
Just an ordinary day dream,
One held precious and known only to me
But within this fantasy, is a hidden promise
A promise and a question,
H e r e
I cup my hands and let the starlight ruffle it's feathers,
Like a bird of thread, with eyes of gold
Do you understand how fragile it is?
If you unravel it enough, you will find what's left of my heart,
Since I broke it in two for you.
H e r e
Underneath this twilight canvas,
I hold my hands up to you and watch your eyes change,
Don't you understand
Don't you even have an idea
Of what this delicate wisp of a daydream,
Juliet's Curse,My Own...Music used to be my aideJuliet's Curse,My Own...2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Now it only makes it worse...
A star-crossed lover by trade,
This longing heart a curse
How is it possible to feel this much pain
To go to sleep crying his name,
Someone please, I'm begging you,
Tear out my heart, stitch up the skin.
It's like a venomous hole burning through my lungs,
A boiling thrum through my veins,
Hot tears cool my skin, and taint my tired lips,
I'm begging you, tell me the cure
Where is the cure that Juliet swallowed?
What is the potion that let her sleep?
And did she feel like me .
I'm begging someone, anyone,
To tell me how how to breathe and sleep again,
Because even though I've tried, and tried
The infection is still devouring my soul,
And forbidding me to let go .
The Siren's ShadowAn Invisible ShadowThe Siren's Shadow2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
An Invisible Shadow .
Just twisting and gliding through your thoughts,
As comfortable as the sirens in the sea,
Smiling as someone thinks of me, speaks to me,
What is my story,
What is my life,
An Invisible Shadow
An Invisible Shadow
Too true, too often.
But if you happen to catch a siren,
And get her to sing her secret tune,
She will no longer be invisible,
Or a shadow of her sea.
She will be free.
I .will be free