Uncertainty and DoubtDoes anyone else stand at the edge of the stair and look down,
wondering what it would feel like to never know how far the next step is?
As if you could walk blindly, and fall, sink, down into an un-foretold reality,
Lose yourself in chaos, the bitter chilled unknown
I stand here now on the edge of porcelain stairs,
Peeking downward through my ebony lashes,
I feel a grip in my spirit,
A sickening wave of dizziness rolls over me,
Knocking me back, nudging doubt deeper into my skin like a poisonous shard.
"Do I step forward? Or do I wait in this haunting pain "
Biting my lip, wringing my hands, my blood dancing loudly,
I realize my future can only improve from my past,
I have to take these chances,
And play my best bet.
Gripping the glassy banister,
I steal a severed breath,
True Love: A Painted Myth?Forgive me if I intrude,True Love: A Painted Myth?3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
If I'm a little bold,
I've always been a little odd,
From all that I've been told
But something about the way you smile,
Something about the way you trust,
Good Lord, send me a soul to love,
And forget this useless lust
So many tiring hours spent,
Looking for his name
Trying to find a hint,
If he's still the same
I could have been the secret girl,
Chosen at a whim,
I threw my heart at his chest,
But still, I did choose him
I don't know what is real anymore,
My mind does war against me,
Somehow I must get the patience,
To tame the visions that taint me.
So please forgive me if I'm odd,
My heart is just too hopeless to worry with,
But also because I am scared,
That true love is just a painted myth.
The Shower's TherapyLetting the skins drape to the floor,The Shower's Therapy3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I reveal my body to the chilled sliding glass,
Stepping away from a mottled brown door,
The sudden sound of rain across tile soothes my ears.
Each step across the icy floor, over into the light blue haven,
A breath, a gasp, the warmth of each droplet slicing my skin, my blood spreading,
My hair loops down across my shoulders,
Like silken chords of brunette hues shining,
I watch as the water slides down the ropes, and dances off into the air before thinning below,
Slowly, I'm shaking,
My breath too shallow, backing up, clearing my eyes,
I lay against the stones and let the rain envelop me.
I forget everything and listen to it rush past my ears.
I watch as it decorates my pale skin with peach dew drops,
And I envy...
I close my eyes and let this constant pounding of the shower beat down on my back,
My nerves begin to dull and I feel rocked to sleep,
tucked in by the coolness of the tiles below my legs...
When I try to stand again, in fear of sitting
Here, In My HandsH e r eHere, In My Hands3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
In my hands
Barely holding on to my flushed fingertips,
Is a dream.
Just an ordinary day dream,
One held precious and known only to me
But within this fantasy, is a hidden promise
A promise and a question,
H e r e
I cup my hands and let the starlight ruffle it's feathers,
Like a bird of thread, with eyes of gold
Do you understand how fragile it is?
If you unravel it enough, you will find what's left of my heart,
Since I broke it in two for you.
H e r e
Underneath this twilight canvas,
I hold my hands up to you and watch your eyes change,
Don't you understand
Don't you even have an idea
Of what this delicate wisp of a daydream,
My Label/ Hi, My Name Is...Sometimes I think I need to wear a label,My Label/ Hi, My Name Is...3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
That will tell you what is wrong with me
"Hi, My Name Is:
Easily loving, falls to quickly, doesn't know when to stop, tries her best but can't succeed, and only wants to hold someone's hand to feel that hand on her shoulder when she cries "
The ink would be smudged across as if written in haste, a couple letters bolded in spots as if trying to fix a mistake So many mistakes
The edges would be peeling as if to forget I ever existed all together
Sometimes, I think I need to wear a warning
So you will know ahead of time that I'm too broken to repair too lost to be found too hurt to heal and pretend to smile, often .
So that when you don't like what you read, I can just tear it away, and write another
But no matter what I try, my name is always the same .
I Won't Exist...I sit here on a sunken bed,I Won't Exist...3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Surrounded by bright, meaningless colors,
The room itself numbed by patterns and details,
So many treasures,
So many "important" awards, trophies,
So many perfectly stacked books,
So many perfectly arranged pictures of a perfectly posing girl,
All of it means nothing, NOTHING!!!
And yet everything
Every little freaking thing in this little freaking room,
Is a part, a piece, a puzzle,
Of my existence All of this is me as I exist in their eyes .
Sometimes I just want to sweep my arm across the dresser,
Throw everything to the floor,
Watch the cheap perfume bottles shatter, sending hazy fumes into the air.
Sometimes, I just want to stab a knife through the paintings,
ripping straight down and leave the canvas flying.
Breaking all the sculptures, decided I won't exist anymore.
Sometimes, I just really want to break these windows I sleep by,
And slip my pale legs through the shattered glass.
I want to hold the match and let it lick my finger,
Please....Remind Me...Falling through their split-laced curtain,Please....Remind Me...3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Their venom-gilded web,
I extend my hand towards their bitter cackling,
Trying to hold on to my existence .
They are my blood,
They are my family,
But every glance is two-faceted,
And every remark is double its original worth.
They will never accept me,
They will never understand,
And the metallic sharpness,
Creates acid from their lips,
And the stinging denial,
Gives birth to underlying hatred.
I dance between both worlds known to me,
But I'd prefer to be in only one.
I lie through my teeth daily,
I put on a show and pretend,
And I constantly remind myself I am stronger,
I will survive their sickening trials .
If I know that I am stronger,
That I can do this until I am free,
Then why do I find myself holding myself together at night,
Crying in the corner of a chilled shower tile,
Wondering why I never feel like I have a future,
Where they will accept me for what I am doing and have been doing
Close My Eyes, Yet There It IsThere's something there that nudges my heart ,Close My Eyes, Yet There It Is3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
It pulls my lips into a smile that I can't control.
There's something there that draws the laughter from my chest,
And centers my attention in a way I haven't felt in a while .
I pull away and shake my head.
Press it against the chilled stone wall.
Close my eyes and remember.
Close my eyes and remember
The pain from before,
The scars left behind,
The reason for the need to escape .
I can't do this not again .
It would probably be best if I locked up my heart,
Muzzled it and tied it up,
Restrained and hidden from the breaking star-light.
Close my eyes and remember
.There there it is again .
Close my eyes and .
There it is, coaxing and gentle
Close my ..
There it is again, reminding me, whispering to me...
What am I to do?
I close my eyes, turn away, remind mys
Juliet's Curse,My Own...Music used to be my aideJuliet's Curse,My Own...3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Now it only makes it worse...
A star-crossed lover by trade,
This longing heart a curse
How is it possible to feel this much pain
To go to sleep crying his name,
Someone please, I'm begging you,
Tear out my heart, stitch up the skin.
It's like a venomous hole burning through my lungs,
A boiling thrum through my veins,
Hot tears cool my skin, and taint my tired lips,
I'm begging you, tell me the cure
Where is the cure that Juliet swallowed?
What is the potion that let her sleep?
And did she feel like me .
I'm begging someone, anyone,
To tell me how how to breathe and sleep again,
Because even though I've tried, and tried
The infection is still devouring my soul,
And forbidding me to let go .
The Bitter Nightmare/Too Heavy A BurdenRusted daggers flung from their tongues,The Bitter Nightmare/Too Heavy A Burden3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Deep, infected scars reopened,
Tear away the skin above my breast,
And witness my heart's weak thrum.
You, you have made it so,
You poisoned it with your truthful tonic,
Your tampered quotes and encrypted sneers,
Do not twine the needle deeper,
Fling your hair through the seeping blood,
Paint the canvas of my years,
Falling from the chasm's edge,
Releasing my mind from the bitter nightmare,
I watch the sun comb its way through the trees,
And struggle to stand against the bars of home,
My hands and feet chained, a dusty cloth between my teeth,
I wait for the warden's glance,
That moment of fated chance,
Do not tempt me, mad suitor,
I am too heavy a burden for any soul.
Your Feline Shadow...Go ahead and tell me,Your Feline Shadow...3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Your darkest deepest fear,
Whisper it, type it slow,
And never let them hear
Because you know how much I care,
You know what I really mean,
And because I care so deeply,
You're secret's safe with me.
Go ahead and tell me,
Who you really love,
Whisper it, and type it slow,
And never let them know
Because you know that I still care,
So I'll never tell you no,
I'll support your whims on hand,
And never to let go.
So go ahead and tie the string,
Draw the face of my true soul,
Tickle, laugh, and trick me, boy,
But you have to know,
That these games make it difficult,
They make it oh so hard
I care for you,
And yet you're not sure..... who you care for
And I can't let go
I'll be here,
Waiting, smiling, laughing, and playing as always seen.
I'll be here,
Hoping, trusting, caring, and saying what I mean
And you'll be there,
Swaying to and fro,
Never knowing who to love
I'm your feline shadow, boy,
Harsh Conversations With Myself"You're doing it again "Harsh Conversations With Myself3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
The annoying voice whispers,
Dry and rough like burnt tree bark
I'm not, not this time. I know, right?
"You're doing it again "
It tickles my ear as I laugh another tear,
Hovering like an invisible wasp intent to sting
I'm not, not ready to. I know, right?
"You're doing it again "
It trickles down my neck, making me shiver,
Excited but frightened, cautious by right
I'm not, not going to. I know, right?
"Don't do it again wary loved girl,
Don't lose yourself to that thrum.
Don't think that you are strong enough,
Because you dance to a louder drum."
I'm not, not really...right?
"Don't think that you can change your fate,
Don't think that you are chosen,
Because you fall harder and faster than others,
It's truly your heart that is poison."
I'm not .am I?
"Don't think that anyone
Did He Just Say....The words drifted in the air,Did He Just Say....3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Like silver sugar lacing my smile,
I feel the skin around my eyes and neck warm and tint with red,
I cast down my eyes and smile,
There they are,
His fingers in my hair again,
Tapping and playing,
But all I can hear are those words
Dancing through my head like perfect hallucinations,
But he said them .he did
."We could be" ..
To Kiss A GhostSlowly the drug pulls down my veins,To Kiss A Ghost3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Pulling my hand in purpled waters,
Dragging me down into a misty realm,
Of lavender smoke
Landing in a chilled crystal lake,
The ripples lapping against my legs,
I lift my eyes and see someone
A shadow of... someone
He reaches out a hand to me and touches my neck,
With the other, pulls me closer
It was like kissing a ghost,
He was there, and then... he wasn't
I never met his true self,
But I knew him then, and only then
My hair ruffled through his fingers,
Rough and red,
His skin was cool and fading,
I never knew what it was
To love a ghost
I'm Unsure...I pound my hands against my knees,I'm Unsure...3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Curled up on my sinking bed,
Pillows crammed behind my back,
And the crystal screen glaring before me
A mirror within a mirror,
Onyx lettering returned and sent,
How can I explain how I am,
If even I'm not sure?
I've gone so long feeling dependent on words,
Memories and hopeless, countless dreams,
The pain is nearly healed,
And I don't know how I feel
Am I stunned because someone cares,
Shocked that I found a "cure"?
Speechless because I can't believe,
I'm freed from myself, it's over?
Even my lustful heart's not sure
And even now as I bitterly stare,
At the squared writings and caring concerns of another,
I am not sure of myself
How am I do say how I am,
If even I'm not sure?
The Curse of The Flame PrincessDo you ever hear stories about that one girl with a curse?The Curse of The Flame Princess3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
How she loved with all her heart,
Gave a piece away every day,
And received so little in return?
Her curse was her heart.
Because once she finds someone she loves,
Her blood begins to burn like a dragon's tongue,
Her breath short and tight,
Her skin shivering and writhing like a snake's impatient skin.
Her heart was her curse.
Because whenever her love would hold her close,
A hug was comforting and warm,
A small kiss was hot and sweet,
And she could feel the fire rising her in her soul,
The lava that was her blood building up and threatening.
She feared nothing more,
Because she knew she would go up in flames,
And cremate the bones of her beloved.
She was oh so terribly scared,
That she would mess everything up,
And that feeling of boiling desire,
Scared her senseless because she needed to keep it a secret.
She needed to be unknown.
Not a single soul,
Could know her cursed heart.
That was her curse,
Pressure to ChangeIt frightens me truly,Pressure to Change3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
That one last step
It's like leaning toward a chasm,
So deep you can smell the smoke from hell.
"You have to do this, and this, and that"
"You must apply for this, pass this, buy that"
So much pressure,
So little time,
So much expected of me of my talents my mind.
Hold my hand, so that when I jump into the darkness,
I know that you will be there .
Whisper my name, so that when I forget who I am in fear,
I will remember my true spirit's flame.
I do not want to fail,
I cannot disappoint you,
I have to win,
I have to make this look good,
I have to make you proud.
Where does this stress come from?
I know you don't force it on me
When will I be able to accept that it's okay to make mistakes?
And that it's okay to be me?
Silent DescriptionsThe silence in this home is overwhelmingSilent Descriptions3 years ago in Emotional More Like This
Cool air kissing my face,
The warmth of a canines snore against your feet.
Silence is only welcomed by the beckoning glow of glass lamp,
Decorated with a bronze hummingbird and cheap jewels
The blankets drape more than needed, tumbling down to a cold wooden floor,
Like cotton waterfalls of purpled hues and ivory seams
If I close my eyes, I see nothing, but then, something
A red cloud shifting to blue and green, like a bejeweled swarm of hornets.
My blood, it pounds within my neck and I can feel every thrum,
I can feel the cool air writhing its way down my throat, painting the inside of my lungs with mint.
This home is silent, aside from the slow pattering of nimble fingers on keys,
And secret tunes carried by string, known only to me
But aside from the music, aside from the pattering, aside from the canine snores,
There is only silence,
And that alone,
To comfort my weary soul.
The Sun's Lover/ I Kissed The SkyI kissed the sky today,The Sun's Lover/ I Kissed The Sky3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
And whispered my soft plea,
The Sun reached down and tucked a stray curl behind my ear,
And winked at me as it rose between the leaves.
I kissed the dawn today,
And begged an answer,
But the Sun was too tired and only yawned the sunrise,
Leaving me clouds dusted with warm hues and laughter.
I kissed the dusk today,
And questioned my true desire,
But the Sun was too busy and advised the sunset-wind as a suitor,
But it left a smokey taste on my lips, and no warmth in my heart.
I kissed the sky today,
And sighed as I'm left alone,
Sitting here under his shining smile, his wondrous care,
I wonder if the Sun knows what it's like to love him, even though he is not mine
Whisper to MeWhisper to me in my hair,Whisper to Me3 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
Tell me if you're real,
Tell me all the sacred things,
I never thought I'd feel.
Whisper to me in my neck,
Tell me if I'm sane,
Tell me that you miss me,
And you'll hold my hand again.
Whisper to me in my back,
Tell me our love remained,
Tell me that you still care,
And your heart, my words have stained.
I, I am ForbiddenOh Lord , how I'm afraid.I, I am Forbidden3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I'm afraid that my secret will become known.
Those of my own blood chain me down and say I'm free,
They mock me before kissing me goodnight.
And for this reason, I have hidden how I think,
How I am,
From them all.
These words are typed in secrecy,
These thoughts forbidden to exist,
This heart forbidden to thrum with the blood of an open mind.
I am forbidden.
Oh Lord, how I'm afraid.
I'm afraid that I will never be free.
Because the only way I can truly be free is to break secrecy,
And that is too dangerous a border to cross...
And much too painful
No daughter should hide her heart because of her mother's scorn,
No daughter should cry names into palms and erase the evidence of her pain,
No daughter should be forbidden
And I believe the worst thing of all is that they only know half of how they've cornered me.
They don't know how they have barred my way,
And burned my blood to scar my soul .
They don't know how truly they have made it so,
I am f
Stand up, Now!Out the window,Stand up, Now!3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Through the sky,
The dawn ignites my way,
I see across the world's rounded skin,
And cry tears of rain,
For all the pain.
I am trying to call out to you,
"Breathe, Live, Remember!"
But not a single soul is listening,
We are all bound by our own chains of self-disgust and anger.
I will run to you,
Across the lands,
Across the seas.
Raise you up by your shoulders,
"Stand up, Now!"
Wipe your tears,
Shed your skin,
Break your chains,
Let your life begin.
"Now! Stand up, Now!"
Screaming in frustration,
I drain my blood and give a little to you all,
In hopes that you will breathe,
In hopes that you will live,
In hopes that you will remember.
I have spread my blood so thin around the skies,
The dawn is tinted crimson and maroon,
My voice is tired from casting it around the world,
Now it is only the winds' whisper.
My body is so drained and weak,
I lay under the elder maple tree,
My skin translucent and paper-like.
Slowly, a shadow,
You'll Never Catch MeThere,You'll Never Catch Me3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
In the center of the prison,
Sways a starved young woman.
She drifts side to side,
Swinging from her rusted manacles.
"You'll never catch me, my dears," she sings,
"You'll never capture my soul,"
"As long as I still breathe, my dears,"
"My spirit will be whole!"
She chuckles and sighs,
Tears in her eyes,
Staining her irises red,
This acrobatic game she plays,
Fills her veins with lead.
"I will stay here, however long, and you will never see,"
"I can sing, here, in my cell,"
"But, my dears, you'll never catch me!"
Only Half LupineThe silenced moon blinks from above,Only Half Lupine3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Watching me howl under my fur,
My tail dragging in the dirt,
Covering itself with dust and debris.
They'll never know what it's like,
To feel the cold stare of blood,
To know you are not one,
But only half lupine
A stretched whine escapes my teeth,
And the heads of those who claim love, turn,
I cannot possibly be fully accepted as one of them,
All for something out of my control .
Outside the pack, I watch and linger,
They accept me, but they do not,
And I am silently separated
I would protect them!
I would love them!
I would fight for them, lead them!
But it is not my path to do so
I will not be a pity case for their pack
My paws softly graze the worn paths of night,
I gaze through the thickened trees,
This darkened forest, a maze of my life,
I will never find my way
I am not fully one, or the other,
And for this reason,
I howl silently to myself as to not be heard,
For even if they sympathize, they will never kno
A Mother's HateWhat am I to do?A Mother's Hate3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Other than silently scream,
Crying tears poisoned by your hate,
And holding my hands so tight my fingers ache?
What am I to do?
When you twist my words to make them disrespectful,
When you claim I'm stupid and naïve, retarded and clueless,
And the only blood-sister I have spits out your own insults as she pleases?
What am I to do?
Other than hide online and secretly write my thoughts,
Shaking my head and staring off into space,
Standing there as you rant on and on .and on .?
What am I to do?
When you tell me you want me out,
And that you can't wait until the world ruins me?
Ruins me until I turn into you?
What am I to do?
Other than hide in my room,
Surrounded by pointless treasures .
Shadowed paintings and dusty sculptures
What am I to do?
When you made me feel like this before,
Nothing mattered anymore .
And I only felt the pain that comes from a mother's hate.