Frozen Obligationsyour hand on the door, you whisper
with breath reeking of buyer's remorse
"it's better this way,
you need a guy who won't make you cry
you need a guy who wants to stay"
and you believe it
goosebumps spread on your arms
from the chill of frozen eyes
and words can't make it better, but
"it never would have worked, anyway
you need more than I could ever give.
you deserve better than me."
and you don't acknowledge your broken logic.
(because once, you would've given the world.
but pouty lips and honeyed words aren't
as sweet as you remembered.)
and maybe you've convinced yourself
that if you're so eager to leave,
it's truly for the best
you once fulfilled all those needs.
when times get tough
it's not enough
that fragile hearts are made of glass
because maybe you've convinced yourself
you deserve better.
"I really did care about you"
you liked the way your heart fluttered,
but you know it's nothing
special. that patterned excitement
in your chest, that once
Dreams of an AngelI.Dreams of an Angel3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
"what do angels dream about?" Lindsay asked
I thought for a minute
"they dream to live like us."
"then why did Rachel want to die?"
"goodnight" I said, and turned out the light
Rachel used to sing to the birds
she said sometimes they just wanted someone to show they cared
and she serenaded them
until she was sure they felt important
in the car, Lindsay broke down
the black veil she wore seemed to be more
than an article of mourning
"why do they make child-size coffins?"
"did you see her?
even dead, her spindly fingers reached out
but I couldn't grab her "
I held her hand
because it was the only thing I knew how to do
Rachel used to write notes
she tucked them in branches,
under rocks, between her pillows
she said they were her secrets.
she always wanted someone to find them.
Lindsay shut down
the walls grew darker, the ceiling grew heavy
did you know silence chokes you?
She had a recurring dream
she always woke screamin
Stitching Wounds with Stringent FeelingsYou breathe me in with desperate, shriveled lungs--Stitching Wounds with Stringent Feelings3 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
for I am a sordid necessity.
My words are like a salve for judgments hung
so selfishly upon your blatant needs.
And maybe you're a martyr in your eyes--
surprise, I see you lynched by your own thoughts.
Self pity and resentment are a guise
to hide the nothingness that starts to rot
your blackened insides. Take me into you,
feel whole from my magnetic pull towards those
robotic dialogues you think so true.
Just take me in, only the Lord could know
reflections meet you with a deadened stare.
You distant angels never really care.
As Insubstantial As Cigarette Smokei.As Insubstantial As Cigarette Smoke3 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
they wrapped me through with police tape
before i was born;
yellow silk fetters entwined among
the arches of my ribs
and along the hollow bumps of my spine
like a warning
binding back what leviathan lay
in the dusk
i've searchedandsearched and never found it,
but they promise me,
(oh promise me it's there).
i've tried to call down the sun from up high
because i didn't like the way it made everything
i prefer the darkness.
(they've told me that's
where i belong,
hidden away for what
better purpose i have yet to
i'm drowning in shadows vague and empty,
and all the wrong words
i never gathered the courage to
because with each whisper
another remnant of what sky i used to know
comes crumbling down,
and i always bloody my hands
when i pick up the shards.
i tried to tell them
that everything falls to pieces.
they shook their heads
with jaded smiles
and told me not to worry.
but they are reflective, i say
Reverse Polarity and a Little Bit of FateHe believed in angelsReverse Polarity and a Little Bit of Fate3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
She believed in lies
she was hummingbird-reminiscent
gifted with flight, she strayed from sight
and her secrets were hidden between her rapid wings
He counted his lucky stars
She cursed barren skies
her laugh resonated, hollow
it echoed off the walls she built
to keep intruders out
He fell for her, hopelessly
He dreamed only to make her smile
she pretended he didn't exist
still, he was drawn to her (like a moth,
to bad ideas)
She told him she was too far lost
(Though she was only in denial)
his eyes glinted, golden
bright enough to melt the frozen rock
she had called her heart
Despite her tries, she loved him, too
She decided to do something new:
she was cynical and jaded
he dreamed to touch
Innocent Purgefingers not full grownInnocent Purge3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
still manage to pull free
and a mother's fear
says the mom who has too many
worries and wrinkles for
her daughter of nine
tears spring forth
from wells not seen
since her own pitiful choices
"you're already beautiful,
and there are so many better ways
please, please, please
don't make my same mistakes"
tiny fingers just long enough
to grasp at insecurities
and struggle with feelings
I want to be pretty
drain her empty
in the filthiest of cleansings
the mind of a child can't comprehend irony,
and that is her only solution
"but mommy" she chirps
stained with promises of perfection
from a girl too young
to know the consequences
(or the reasons)
she smiles a broken smile
because she's almost there
and she's unaware
she lost part of herself she'll never get back
"please, don't do what I did.
please, don't be like me."
"but mommy," she says
"I already am"
and the cycle repeat
Justifications and Salted Smiles"I don't think I'm holding on any longerJustifications and Salted Smiles3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I'm diving in.
I wish that you would see,
there's a magical land at the bottom of the ocean
where waterproof lungs let you be
everything you've dreamed.
You can bury underneath the sand
and not be found-
it's the land that's been promised to me
in late night whispers
and burnt tears
wasted on things that don't matter.
I know it's real,
broken minds can't lie
and I can feel it in my bones-
there's something more.
What other reasons would we live for?
They say you inhale saltwater
and exhale enlightenment.
The waves pour over you
and finally make you clean (pure)
No one knows where you are
so your problems don't follow
and neither does time.
It all fades away
until you disintegrate
like your worries.
You can only get there
with a heart that doesn't beat
because humans' empty brains
You need to be all the way gone
I want to go and find myself
and live the dreams I never had.
I swear, it's not that bad-
Sleeping Souls Never Liethey buried youSleeping Souls Never Lie3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
with stars in your palms, because
they thought it was a crime
you'd never made a wish in your life
the dirt and darkness
was enough to extinguish
their dying lights
(it's okay, your silent skin
said, softly, I always wanted
the sky to bring me to sleep)
the priest begged, believing you
might rise from the hole
you'd dug for yourself
he wanted to let you know
there was something bigger than all of us,
someplace farther than 6 feet under
(I'm alright, your stony eyes
swore, sometimes falling
feels enough like flying)
their voices all filled with tears
even though you said you weren't worth
their worries, they wept for the future
you wouldn't get to live
(I wouldn't have lived it anyways,
they buried you
near the ocean, where the moon
always shone too bright
so you'd never again have to fear
any monsters of the night
they left flowers, photos, notes
and a little bit of themselves, too
when they finally left you
you believed it was right
Sleeping Behind the WheelI want you to sing me a songSleeping Behind the Wheel3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
to erase all my preconceived notions
about life, love, and (listless?) dreams.
I want your voice
to conquer all my past--
the beast that plagues me.
I want you to whisper words so sweet
the day may finally rest.
Because I've been awake for years, now--
and I need a little sleep.
take me away--
redeem me with your notes
like fables, like promises,
like wishes made a million times before
take me away--
to that place between my mind and heaven,
that doesn't exist.
because there, I can be comforted
ignore the life I've spent
trying to tally all I've done wrong
I want you to write me a lullaby.
(I want you to lie)
I want to fall asleep
with a dream in my eyes
(instead of tears.)
and I want your thoughts to be
what gives that all to me.
There's got to be more than this, I don't want to just exist
Leaveme.Leave3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I no longer house sanity
only ghosts that were never
told how to move on.
maybe we used to be the same,
but now your cracked reflection
only adds to my years of bad luck
you never counted the lines in my smile,
or the notes between my freckles,
you only measured me.
I'm something to get by on,
but I'm simply not enough.
my watered-down voice
is growing weaker.
and you feed me sugar pills
to diminish the pain
(these bones still bleed)
there are vultures in your eyes,
they know what's coming next
children call on saviors to vanquish demons
from their closets and I'm begging
the silent priests to
they didn't understand what I meant
when I said you stole my breath away
if I turn on the lights,
would you disappear like the times
when I needed help?
I live in waking fear of silence
(I know it's where you wait)
Somewhere Between Creation and Beingthey built him out of sandpaperSomewhere Between Creation and Being3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
so he could help those
a little rough around the edges
they gave him rose-colored irises
and put his heart in his throat
so he could only speak love
they wrote him a history
deep within his DNA
(lingering, and a little too clingy)
but he learned to live on promises
instead of mistakes
they gifted him off-center feet
that always leaned into his dreams;
he was tall enough to live
with his head in the clouds.
sometimes waiting gets to you.
it settles your leaden bones
and you forget why your legs won't move
you fall a little too far
into everything you're praying on,
and you don't have the strength to
pull yourself back into normal living.
but he was different
he didn't believe, he knew
time didn't slip,
he nursed it
and he never broke
even though they piled
the weight of the world
on his expectant shoulders
Without Wingsshe spoke in lullabiesWithout Wings3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
and breathed out wishes-
she hoped and prayed for fairytales so often
you could trace the dreams in her veins
she strived for worlds that didn't exist
and she lost her heart without being aware
she ever gave it
she needed to run away-
because she lived in a house of mirrors
and she was scared of the sight
of her own face
she had to teach herself to walk
but she couldn't run
and she was stuck, grounded
watching time pass her by
sometimes you forget how to count
she withered away
her veins, barren of dreams
her eyes glossed over till she was nearly blind
to be afraid
because monsters weren't to be feared
and happily ever after
wasn't to be expected
when he found her, she was fallen
"I was built with hollow bones
but I'm still not strong enough to pick myself
her ribcage had caved in to that
empty hole that used to hold her heart
he lifted her up
with silky eyes and
starry whispers and said
Tender Vivisectionslet's pretend we never shared a wordTender Vivisections3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
or a thought, or an identity
because those patterns and indistinct
separations that came to be what made us
last, were always the most frightening things
I fell asleep to memories
of intangible emotions
and bitter ramblings
whenever you said 'good night'
"hush now, darling
a better day's a blink away
we find ourselves in our weakest moments
and your brittle bones will snap
Into Something Newto the edge and back again--Into Something New3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
your hands were screaming
on the steering wheel
we have nowhere to go
you've always flirted
with the belief that moving
might get you someplace
like dreams of heaven and
eternities and carelessness
but forever is never enough.
it is not reachable,
and all the tire tread in the world
couldn't take you from your
no one ever took no for an answer;
your hands still scream for
deliverance from ambiguity
and actuality, as well.
so into the edge, far into the end
break the sky with your questions why
we have nowhere to go
but we'll get there soon
A Sky of SmogI.A Sky of Smog3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
"what if every star out there, twinkling
is every dream that's ever come true?"
she asked me
"but what about the stars that burn out?"
I replied. She didn't respond.
she was too busy searching the night sky
hoping to catch a dream
"what do you want in a guy?"
I asked one day
when our heads were empty,
but our mouths were full of words
we didn't quite know
"I want someone who can understand me"
and she sighed as though it were only a wish.
"Oh," I said
"I just want to fall in love
so all these stories I write
won't be lies"
and we laughed as though it were only a joke
when she first fell in love,
she flew so high she could no longer see the ground.
I warned her, "what if he breaks you?"
she said "that's the beauty of it.
we give everyone we love pieces of ourselves
until we become murals of everything we care about."
I just shook my head.
if you're giving away pieces,
aren't you already broken?
he wrecked her heart, as he was destined to.
"isn't it weird how our b
crystal catastrophies bottled upvcrystal catastrophies bottled up3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
her shaky hands couldn't hold a pen
or a promise
"my fingers have broken
trying to rewrite clichés-
believe me when I say, I'm special"
hollow laughs glossed over her
as she waited for the day
when that might actually mean
there was an eve long before dawn
ever tainted the starry night sky and
inflicted vision on those who preferred
to stay in the dark, where a girl
crooned quietly to herself
"what if when we meet,
I've run out of I love you's?"
this was before the sun whispered in her ears
that they'd never mattered, anyway
on wearied souls
who couldn't learn just how
to cross their fingers right
"maybe depression is a state of mind
for those who never knew
any other way"
she threw out all her mirrors
when they became too loud
life is something you grow into
a conglomeration of
soul searching and
forgetting to breathe
where age is indicative of
all that you have lost
"children dream, but adults
deny wishing in anger-
The Same Storywe rewrite our lost historyThe Same Story3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
on the same paper,
expecting new endings.
we truly are insane.
these lessons mean nothing
if not fully dead
the mistakes were worth nothing
if not burned in my head
you can't change the veins
stitched into your skin, you can't change
you- with a day, a word,
a breath of used air.
you want to dive back into that place
between my folds of sanity
where you can unravel the strands
and manipulate them in your hands
so I can't stop to think about
you can't change the blood
which surges through the cold,
forgotten parts of your body.
but you can tell yourself
if you shut your eyes,
you can pretend the scenes played in those weary lids
are the life you finally received.
because darkness hides the truth
but you can't rewrite your story
because you think you're different, now
(and different people don't make the same
you're falling down the same hole
with honey trap words
we can't rewrite history
or deny the similarities.
Serenade of Sighsyou speak in sighs, because life is so strenuousSerenade of Sighs3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
for the rapture to come
you've spent your life preparing
for events you pray (need) to exist
don't hang your head
or you'll never see tomorrow
all evidence of failure
because.... that's how you move on?
But who could delete scars.
life is an adventure, but you're too busy
waiting for a rapture
(that won't come)
Sweetie, go hide in your words
they will coddle you and disguise your fears
like you've prayed (needed) for so long
lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song
until you've gone deaf from repetition
then you'll never need to worry
because you can finally stop waiting
lend me your ears
Drinking Lit GasolineI think I'm drowning in your wordsDrinking Lit Gasoline3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
as they drip
and soak into my heart
until I'm submerged
in liquid thoughts
I can't handle.
The thoughts won't come out,
they only scald my throat
leaving the taste of ash in my mouth
because they are your words.
not meant for normal tongues-
and I'm burning from the inside out.
This is what I get, I suppose
for letting you burn a hole in me
It's time I learn to float
and carry myself in debris
and wreckage and destruction-
because they are already cascading
over my waterlogged bones
your eyes are sodden
tinged purple and grayish-blue-
the look of someone
who's spent too long
The way you are has set my heart ablaze
But all too soon, only embers reside
Knowing who you are, I'm afraid
That eventually nothing will be left inside
My eyes, once bright, are hollow and dull
Orbs to be seen and not see
You're frightening, love,
With the look of someone
Who's scattered sparks in the wind
I think I've been breathing
you in too l
I'll Be There When the Wind BlowsiI'll Be There When the Wind Blows3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
one day I'll be nothing but a whisper
in the swollen sky, which ebbs and flows
whenever you choose to open your eyes
this voice will be lost in the onslaught,
and I'll fade into my greatest fears
my thoughts have been known to shatter
on occasion, into fine powder
that scatters in the face of execution
I always worried roots grown in unstable ground
and remembering the way my body was built
would free the catastrophes sighing within me
it's easier to succumb to future's inevitabilities
that welcome you with undefined arms
sometimes I release pieces of myself
because I don't like the story they tell
about the history written in my palms, unrelenting
I wait these weighted hours until darkness ascends
where night sings lullabies of lands
that I never quite belonged to
one day the moon will shine a little too bright,
and I will evaporate into nothing but
a faint whisper, not worth the strain needed to hear
I will be lost in the transmissions
of those who meant more than me.
mermaid's lamentShe had the tongue to joke like the dolphins and to sing with the whales, but it is not the same as feeling sand through your toes or running along the landscapes like she witnesses while gazing from the rocks.mermaid's lament3 years ago in Flash Fiction & Vignettes More Like This
"I want to have legs, like them." she would lament while combing seaweed from her hair and lounging among the reefs.
"But it is too dangerous, my daughter. Wouldn't you rather search for pearls and ride the currents?"
The insatiable desire for legs drove her to go further and further to the shore, where she could hear children laughing and musical instruments serenading the heavens.
"I want to have legs, and dance to the music played on the beaches, to pluck the strings of a harp to worship Mother Earth."
"You can twirl in the whirlpools, my lovely child, and sit along the waves to sing the songs of the whales."
Every evening, she rendezvoused with a young sailor. He brought her diamonds and told her secrets of the earth and sky. They kissed each night, but she must always leave
WinterbleederCurled around alpine legs and caughtWinterbleeder3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
within hollows and inclines of pale skin,
she carries her endless winter always.
It settles upon frosted shoulders and
caps heavy-lidded eyes, clinging close to
the darkness of each snow-flecked breath;
lingering above cracked lips and the
remnants of a long forgotten warmth.
But darling, don't we deserve each other?
(She'd been Spring's child before Winter's whispers.)
Watercolour WordsDrops of sea foam blue and sunflower yellow,Watercolour Words3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
swirl, touch, combine in water,
reflected in your eyes
where words fell
like raindrops on a summer's day
into pools of the deepest green,
tainting emerald puddles
with veins of granite.
FragileHold meFragile3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
My ribs stop breaking
My bones stop cracking
Hold me until
Stops crushing me.
Until I remember
How to align
Each trembling vertebrate,
To stand up straight.
Breathe life into me
With sugary words
To give my heart
Teach me how
To breathe again.