Com: Blood Raining NightI'll do multiple chapters at a time. This is a blind review/commentary on Blood Raining Night by ~Reicheru-Ketsueki. Before we get started, I'd like to mention I wish no harm towards this user. I only intend to humor people. And no, Eris is not helping me on this one. Reading "My Immortal" made her quit. This features chapters 1-3. My commentary is in italics and square brackets.
Chapter One - The First Rainy Night
The sky was blue out. Reicheru had just opened her golden eyes to the morning like she has for the past 17 years of her life. She grogily rubbed her hands on her eyelids and rolled over. She was staring Denmark in the face or as she calls him "Denny."
[So, I'm guessing this is a Hetalia fanfiction where the OC is paired with a canon character? Or maybe that creepy socially awkward kid from "The Room" tagged along!]
"Denny-Kuuuun," she spoke softly like floating butterflies on the breeze "good morn
Com: Blood Raining Night pt.2Com: Blood Raining Night pt.23 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
This will be the review/commentary on chapters 4-10. But before I start, let's set up a game you can play while reading. For every redundant phrase, plot hole and misspelled word you notice, take a sip of whatever beverage you have. I strongly don't recommend alcohol, because something tells me that's going to get you buzzed in less than 15 minutes.
Chapter 4 - The Avatar of the Yakuza
[What? Another series is going to be brought into this? Oh hell no.]
"Huuuu-haa!" her black hair wiped around like a black wip. There was a feirce look of constetration on her face as fire and air came out of her hands.
Denmark took Reicheru over to her, "Rei-kun" he said, "meet Korra, your new tutor in learning the dark arts of air and fire bending."
[*Concentration; *Fierce; *Whipped. I didn't know air and fire were considered dark elements. I'd rather bend Lithium anyday.]
"Konnichiwa! Watashinonamaeha Reicheru Ketsueki, sore wa anata ni aete ureshidesu!" Rei bowed, formally, her
Com: Blood Raining Night pt.3Com: Blood Raining Night pt.33 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
Part three of the fanfiction review. I'm going to be more blunt this time. Featuring parts 11-15.
listen, if you guys are too immature 2 handle the sexy parts of my story then you should just not read it, k?
you guys commenting on chapter 9 should stop pointing fingers at me and telling me there's something wrong with me, I write bad, and those other things.
[It's not because people are immature, it's because people don't want others to be exposed to that shit. Yes, your writing is horrible. I can't tell what grade you're in. If
you are taking English class, it seems like you're ignoring the instructions and paying more attention to anime and learning Japanese.]
Chapter 11 - A Beautiful Voice Lost in the Rain
Sensei laughed really hard, "good going Minna. You should join the contest, too. Do any of you ever sing in the shower?"
[I don't know anyone who does.]
They all looked at each other and said, "yeah
Com: Blood Raining Night pt.4Com: Blood Raining Night pt.43 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
Hello to all the readers out there. You know the drill, just have an ice-pack ready. Aaaaannnd, GO!
lostsa decription and awesomeness, it's FINALLY DONE!!!!
[Alright then, let's see what you've got!]
Chapter 16 - The Witch and the Huntress
it was scary and cold outside. Nothing could be heard but the breathing of Reicheru, Yuki and Minna. not even birds fluttered like fishes in the ocean through the sky of everlashting darkness and the stars.
[Here's a hint, "show us rather than "tell" us. How was it scary outside? Quiet isn't enough to be scary.]
They were looking for Luka who was known for her beautiful singing voice and magic spells that were vasted over people and goodness did she have big boobs! Other people thought that maybe she was the child of the goddess of Aphroditee.
[It's "goddess Aphrodite". Putting "of" between those words suggest that the character is a child of Aphrodite's underlings rather than
Rev: Harrys SisRev: Harrys Sis2 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and creeps sneaking under the seats, we're reviewing another Harry Potter fic. Eris has come along for the lulz. This fic was written
by esfaniarules. We take no credit for any broken bones or loss of IQ. Read at your own risk.
hi my nane is evangelinee estefania ewok fanny for short (ew not that one u creep) i am harry potters adooted tiwn sis and am even smarted than his bff hermine. wen mine
mum and da ded cuz hawry was want by lord volmort
[Eris: Oh dear God, this is worse than My Immortal!
Me: She's named after a furry butt, of course this is going to be terrible!]
ay way my bff is ginie Wesley nd she is ron's sis lyk im hairys [Use some Nair then!] my final name is eqow [A cow.] cuz i got adoited by sme ppl wiv tnat
[Eris: She was adopted by farmers? That's nice.]
my bf cedic dyed cuz hary tuk him to a gravyard ad voolmort dyed him [What color?]
so on my waay trnsfiguration wiv profesor mcg
Soul Reaping on Motorcycles"So you think you can fix it?" questioned Shuhei.Soul Reaping on Motorcycles3 years ago in Humor More Like This
" Maybe, but this motorcycle is pretty old," replied a serious looking man with spiky black hair that had yellow stripes in the front. He was looking over the motorcycle. "Where'd you find this anyway?"
"I found it during a mission and brought it back home. I brought it here 'cause I heard if anyone could fix it up, it'd be you, Yusei."
Yusei let off a smirk. He wasn't a prideful man by nature, but he always did like the fact that his mechanical genius was higher than others. He just never flaunts it like others would.
"Like I said, it is pretty old, so it might take a while to find the necessary parts to fix it up."
"I see. Hmm, would it be possible to soup it up with this world's technology or would it need the older parts?"
The duelist thought about it. He never thought to combine old and new technology before. Most of everything today was based off of old designs
From hate to love ( Toshiro x reader ) chapter 1From hate to love ( Toshiro x reader ) chapter 14 months ago in Romance More Like This
From hate to love ( Toshiro x reader )
You are the 3rd seat in squad 10. and Captains Hitsugaya biggest nightmare. The two of you hated each other and ended up arguing everyday about anything starting from not doing your duties and ending on over drinking.
You never knew if it was because you guys dated several times before or just the fact you liked the arguments between you and your captain as you found them entertaining.
Talking about entertainment you and Rangiku were in the bar getting drunk and enjoying yourself with Izuru and Shuhei. When your annoying captain come into the bar "MATSUMOTO!!" " ( L/N )" shouted Toshiro angrily at both of you which drew you attention immediately .
You looked at your captain with a troubled face " what did he come here for " you thought. Shortly after you shouted across the bar "Quit shouting SHORTY we can hear you perfectly fine believe it or not " you could tell by his face that he was not amused by your statement in fact he was quite p
Shark Week - Halibel"Stupid Amazon! You don't even know what you're doing!"Shark Week - Halibel4 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
"Shut up, Apacci! I know more then you!"
Halibel let out a sigh. The former Tres Espada listened as her former fraccion, Apacci and Mila Rose, argue over something pointless. Their anger then was pointed towards the third of her fraccion, Sung-Sun, said something that once again agitated them.
Halibel remembered how they ended up at this point in their lives. They had been working for a man named Sosuke Aizen and had been fighting the Soul Reapers. Her fraccion had been almost burned to death by the soutaicho of the Soul Society, Genryusai Yamamoto. Then the very man she had been working for, him stating that he was done with her, attacked her herself. In her rage, she tried to attack Aizen, but due to his illusions, she was attacked again, being sent falling to the ground below.
It was some time after the battle that she awoke. At f
Promises - Part 1 - Gin Icimaru x ReaderPromises - Part 1 - Gin Icimaru x Reader4 months ago in Drama More Like This
Two boys looked down on my small fragile figure. Legs flew to my ribs as they snickered and continued mercilessly. "Stop, please..." I coughed up blood near one of the boy's shoes. He growled and slammed his foot in my face. A mangled scream poured out of my mouth. They beat me until I felt nothing, numbness started to wrap around my stomach. Until Someone from behind drug them down to the ground. A small boy with white hair bashed on the too bigger boys until they were clearly passed out.
When the white haired boy came closer, I noticed blood smeared along his right cheek. "Hiya, you okay?" He held his hand out to reach mine, he watched patiently, smiling with his eyes closed. "No...no, thank you... for rescuing me." weakly, I grabbed his hand and shook it. "Gin Ichimaru, what's your name?" His head was cocked to the side. "Kashen Sugii."
The night stars twinkled down on the two kids, both smiling at the blossoming relationship. "Would you like to stay with me and my grandfather tonig
Smile [Gin Ichimaru Ficlet]Smile [Gin Ichimaru Ficlet]1 year ago in Introductions & Chapters More Like This
[Name] stared down at the framed photograph in her hands. She could remember the moment like it was yesterday and, like it had then, it made her smile as she thought about it.
Gin had asked her to go out on a picnic with him. Naturally, she had agreed; she was in love with the man after all. On her way out of her home to meet him, she stuffed her slim silver camera in her pocket, knowing that it would definitely take some cajoling to get Gin to agree to even look at the camera, much less take an actual picture.
Gin had gone all of the way: he'd brought a blanket, a little wicker basket full of food, a bottle of wine. It had made [Name] giggle at how serious he had been about that date. Then again, Gin Ichimaru was serious about every date that he ever took [Name] on. He said it was because he loved her and [Name] really did believe him.
Their picnic had been in a nice little clearing; no one else was around to bother them except for the birds in the trees and the occasional bee or butt
Golden Secrets [ShunUki]"... Hey, Jū~?" If anyone else in the captain meeting heard Shunsui's quiet voice, they didn't acknowledge it. The white haired male silently groaned to himself as he shifted his gaze swiftly from the captain-commander to his lover.Golden Secrets [ShunUki]2 years ago in Humor More Like This
"What?" Jūshirō's whispered voice was laced with irritation. "Surely it can wait until this is over."
"Nope~. It can't." Shunsui smirked. "It's very important."
Jūshirō's nervous green eyes returned to the captain-commander. "I doubt that."
"Oh come on, Jū~. Just listen to me."
"Don't be so stubborn." Jūshirō knew without looking that a pout had formed on the brunette's stubbled face.
"If it is so very important, Captain Kyōraku, then share it with the rest of us." An old, irritated voice interrupted the bickering couple. The mentioned male blinked, turning his grey gaze to look around at his fellow captains, all of which had their eyes locked on
Terror [Hanataro x Reader]Overwhelming terror overtook Hanatarou as he walked through the sewers alongside (Name), his shaky hands placed on her arm. (Name) had been injured throughout all of the chaos above. While Hanatarou worried about Ichigo, Ganju, and their journeys, his main objective at the moment was to get (Name) some help.Terror [Hanataro x Reader]4 months ago in Humor More Like This
"H-How're you feeling, (Name)? I-Is your leg still hurting?" Hanatarou questioned, glancing down at her wounded area. (Name) stopped walking, bent down, and placed both of her hands on her knee.
"It really hurts." She admitted. "I don't know if I should keep walking. Even though I've been trying to keep off of it as much as possible as we've walked, it's still in a lot of pain."
"O-Oh no..." Hanatarou gulped, his panic rising more and more each second. How could her get her any help when she couldn't walk? "You have to be able to walk, (Name)! I-I can't get you any help if you can't- Oh no!" Hanatarou started pacing back and forth, sweat pouring off of his forehead.
"Can you go get
The Nightly Debate [Shunsui x Jushiro]For as much as Shunsui and Jūshirō have always agreed with one another, they have had their differences throughout the years. After they had moved in together, they realized that their greatest differences lied in the bedroom.The Nightly Debate [Shunsui x Jushiro]9 months ago in Humor More Like This
Of course, Shunsui and Jūshirō have never been like a normal couple. Instead of disagreeing with one another over sexual matters in bed each night, they commonly discussed a more serious matter; what they were going to watch on television that night.
Being the more serious man that he is, Jūshirō enjoys watching informative shows. He enjoys the occasional, child-friendly sit-com as well, the ones that he would be able to watch with his younger siblings. On the other hand, Shunsui preferred shows of a different sort.
Shunsui's favourite type of television show was reality t.v. He wasn't sure why he enjoyed watching the hectic, staged lives of spoiled celebrities, but after the first episode of "The Real Housewives of Orange County," S
Stop!Stop screaming at me like you do--Stop!10 months ago in Free Verse More Like This
your angry words only cause me pain.
Why are you yelling at me, anyway?
I certainly don't deserve this crud!
Stop calling me those words of hate--
then turn around and tell me of love.
I don't need you hurting me like this...
then trying to play on my heartstrings.
Stop using me as a scratching post--
be it spiritual or physical, it hurts.
Your conduct is showing you care not
for me or the love that I have for you.
Stop treating me badly, for if you don't--
I will no longer be here for you, ever.
You have a choice, my dear...make it good,
for the wrong one will cost you dearly!
Com: BRN ch. 19[Chapter 19 of Blood Raining Night by Reicheru-Ketsueki. Eris is coming along for the ride this time.Com: BRN ch. 192 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
Eris: The other chapters were... I don't know what to even say.]
wheeeeeeeew!!!! thank god it's finally chapter 19~!
AREN"T WE EXCITED!!!! I AM!!!!!!
sorry lol, little hyper because my new episode is taking tons of images to make.
[You mean you're using a camera for this? Excessive imagery means nothing in a story that doesn't have plot consistency or decent characters.]
i'm very tired -.-
It's usually only around 60 but this is super detailed so yeahhh~
a few people complain about my Japanese
FINE i will include more into my story
I could translate this all into Japanese if I had to :/
[Oh, I bet that would result in some hilarious mistranslations. Your poor grasp of English alone is splitting my sides!
Eris: Does she even know her fanfic is being torn up by us freaks?
Me: No, doesn't seem so, my lady.]
Guide to Writing FanfictionEmpressTuiLa’s Guide to Writing FanfictionGuide to Writing Fanfiction6 years ago in Writing More Like This
There are a lot of novice writers out there, including those who are still debating whether to write or not, so I’m here to provide the basic rules for good Fanfiction. Why am I making this? I’ve read way too many stories written so poorly that it’s driven me insane. So for those of you who want to avoid people writing bad reviews, or just simply worried if your story sounds good, then follow these simple rules and you’ll be fine. (As a warning, I do get a little testy in this so forgive me if I sound angry…which I do)
#1 For the love of all that is good fanfiction, DO NOT USE IM-SPEAK!!! Things like: omg, lol, ttyl, thx, u, u’re, l8r, brb, and all of the others. Refrain from your texting habits! People want to read a story, not something a second grader who can’t spell wrote. Along with this, don’t use smileys! Yes I have seen XD in a story before…i
Paperwork?- Toshiro Hitsugaya X ReaderYou were working on paperwork as usual, there was nothing else really that you could do. It was a rather boring day anyways, so no point in you trying to have some fun. You were in Toshiro's office, since he never really minded your company. You were filing a report at the time about how well Squad 10 was with training.Paperwork?- Toshiro Hitsugaya X Reader9 months ago in General Fiction More Like This
"Toshiro, how well do you think our Squad has come along with their training?" You asked, looking towards the snowy-haired captain. Your question must have been expected because he looked to you with bored eyes. Those turquoise eyes of his always caught your attention. They were so mesmerizing that there was nothing you could do but stare. He didn't notice your staring, but instead just answered your question.
"Yes, the training is coming along, almost all my squad members are ready for battle if need be." He said, returning his stack of paperwork. The room was constantly filled with it, as much as you thought Rangiku didn't like it, and always skipped out,