Harsh Conversations With Myself"You're doing it again "
The annoying voice whispers,
Dry and rough like burnt tree bark
I'm not, not this time. I know, right?
"You're doing it again "
It tickles my ear as I laugh another tear,
Hovering like an invisible wasp intent to sting
I'm not, not ready to. I know, right?
"You're doing it again "
It trickles down my neck, making me shiver,
Excited but frightened, cautious by right
I'm not, not going to. I know, right?
"Don't do it again wary loved girl,
Don't lose yourself to that thrum.
Don't think that you are strong enough,
Because you dance to a louder drum."
I'm not, not really...right?
"Don't think that you can change your fate,
Don't think that you are chosen,
Because you fall harder and faster than others,
It's truly your heart that is poison."
I'm not .am I?
"Don't think that anyone
A Lone TherianThe more I search for her, the more I feel her.A Lone Therian3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
This feline purring under my skin,
Her tail coiling like one of my stray curls
Her eyes become mine,
Slanted and gold,
And I place my hands paws
Into the overgrown grass and leaves.
Stretching my fingers,
I grip the earth,
And enjoy this her
If only I had another who understood this connection to instinct to animal
Someone who knew it more, and would care for me as only a therian knew how
Laying back in the grass, I sit in the sun,
I let it paint my skin with tan stripes and smokey wind
Yes, If only I had another
Who would play as only a therian knew how
Lazily, I watch a dragonfly flit across this emerald sea,
Leaves clapping create the sounds of breaking waves .
What I wouldn't give to have someone to pounce .
Yes .If only .
Being therian alone is not much fun at all .
Your Feline Shadow...Go ahead and tell me,Your Feline Shadow...3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Your darkest deepest fear,
Whisper it, type it slow,
And never let them hear
Because you know how much I care,
You know what I really mean,
And because I care so deeply,
You're secret's safe with me.
Go ahead and tell me,
Who you really love,
Whisper it, and type it slow,
And never let them know
Because you know that I still care,
So I'll never tell you no,
I'll support your whims on hand,
And never to let go.
So go ahead and tie the string,
Draw the face of my true soul,
Tickle, laugh, and trick me, boy,
But you have to know,
That these games make it difficult,
They make it oh so hard
I care for you,
And yet you're not sure..... who you care for
And I can't let go
I'll be here,
Waiting, smiling, laughing, and playing as always seen.
I'll be here,
Hoping, trusting, caring, and saying what I mean
And you'll be there,
Swaying to and fro,
Never knowing who to love
I'm your feline shadow, boy,
A Therian Curse or BlessingWhen I'm near you,A Therian Curse or Blessing3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
And close my eyes,
I can feel my claws,
My phantom tail weighing on my spine,
The twitching ears perked,
The flattened ridge above a small nose,
I can imagine everything,
And it feels so weird and amazing and startling and perfect in the same second.
She may have called me a freak, but what I am is more than that.
I am not human, she cannot call me that much for my spirit.
I am feline trapped in a human masquerade,
My slitted irises burning under frosted glass,
And as I close my eyes,
And let you trace my jaw line,
Let you pull back my hair and chuckle,
I'm stuck between two worlds…
One is telling me it is better to shrug off this human skin and be my true self.
The other is telling me that I was meant to be yours in this way,
that I am stuck between two worlds to befriend you…to be here for you and you for me….
For if I was truly feline, I would not be able to speak to you.
I would not be able to laugh at your jokes,
Or play with you the way
A Cat Therian's ExperiencePersonally, I love to be touched.A Cat Therian's Experience3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Not quickly or harshly,
But slowly and gently.
As if someone was trying to memorize every line, every hair
I love the contact,
It sends a shock through my skin,
Tingling, electrifying, shivering,
A white, cool ice, twists around my spine and cradles my skull in static.
It's like no other feeling.
And it could be from anyone.
My sister braiding my hair,
A friend and his playful feather,
The gentle scratch of pen on skin,
It thrills me,
And sends me into a momentary high,
I completely understand,
Why cats love to be petted.
True Love: A Painted Myth?Forgive me if I intrude,True Love: A Painted Myth?3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
If I'm a little bold,
I've always been a little odd,
From all that I've been told
But something about the way you smile,
Something about the way you trust,
Good Lord, send me a soul to love,
And forget this useless lust
So many tiring hours spent,
Looking for his name
Trying to find a hint,
If he's still the same
I could have been the secret girl,
Chosen at a whim,
I threw my heart at his chest,
But still, I did choose him
I don't know what is real anymore,
My mind does war against me,
Somehow I must get the patience,
To tame the visions that taint me.
So please forgive me if I'm odd,
My heart is just too hopeless to worry with,
But also because I am scared,
That true love is just a painted myth.
How Dare The FoolSpitting hate burning my tongue,How Dare The Fool3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Clenched fists believing in ghostly strength,
Nails biting pinked crescents into my palms,
The anger stirs and tenses,
She gathers her energy from behind my eyes,
Tinting everything red and hazy….
My head tilts forward,
My eyes singe any unfaithful soul in my sight,
And I feel my teeth grind,
My voice carrying hateful, malicious words of revenge, retorting and twisting every misdirected phrase,
Clawing the air with electrifying negativity…
How dare he,
How dare he,
How DARE he say such things to my kin, my family…
Taking short, unfulfilling breaths,
I raise my gaze to search the crowd of unconcerned idiocy,
And see the crown of my treasured human…
Somewhere beneath this crimson haze,
I hear the slow chant, "Kyubbi, Kyubbi, Kyubbi….I need...him…"
His name circles my mind uneasily,
And the voice of the fool draws back my insanity,
Instantly I have left, and she takes over again….
This anger overcomes me, my skin shaking and hurting,
Her frustration is so
The Bitter Nightmare/Too Heavy A BurdenRusted daggers flung from their tongues,The Bitter Nightmare/Too Heavy A Burden3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Deep, infected scars reopened,
Tear away the skin above my breast,
And witness my heart's weak thrum.
You, you have made it so,
You poisoned it with your truthful tonic,
Your tampered quotes and encrypted sneers,
Do not twine the needle deeper,
Fling your hair through the seeping blood,
Paint the canvas of my years,
Falling from the chasm's edge,
Releasing my mind from the bitter nightmare,
I watch the sun comb its way through the trees,
And struggle to stand against the bars of home,
My hands and feet chained, a dusty cloth between my teeth,
I wait for the warden's glance,
That moment of fated chance,
Do not tempt me, mad suitor,
I am too heavy a burden for any soul.
Burnt PopcornI cremated a bag of popcorn in my microwave...Burnt Popcorn3 years ago in Emotional More Like This
and it's honestly not that bad...
but each individual piece tastes like a memory forgotten,
smokey and warm, like campfires in autumn...
if I close my eyes while the soft skin of the piece melts on my tongue,
I can imagine the crinkle of fire and the sparks of fallen ashes...
the miraculous image of twirling smoke against Orion's Belt...
And the harsh, reawakening sounds of pulling the individual black pieces of wood back into the center, raking the powdery ashes into a circle, and realigning every smokey brick...
And even though we never shared a campfire before, I really would like to...
to be able feel it burn my lips when we sit too close, and to have your arm around my waist as you lean into my hair....To hear you sigh as the night lingers on, in the beauty of firey autumn winds....
All this, from a cremated bag of popcorn smoking up my kitchen...
I Won't Exist...I sit here on a sunken bed,I Won't Exist...3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Surrounded by bright, meaningless colors,
The room itself numbed by patterns and details,
So many treasures,
So many "important" awards, trophies,
So many perfectly stacked books,
So many perfectly arranged pictures of a perfectly posing girl,
All of it means nothing, NOTHING!!!
And yet everything
Every little freaking thing in this little freaking room,
Is a part, a piece, a puzzle,
Of my existence All of this is me as I exist in their eyes .
Sometimes I just want to sweep my arm across the dresser,
Throw everything to the floor,
Watch the cheap perfume bottles shatter, sending hazy fumes into the air.
Sometimes, I just want to stab a knife through the paintings,
ripping straight down and leave the canvas flying.
Breaking all the sculptures, decided I won't exist anymore.
Sometimes, I just really want to break these windows I sleep by,
And slip my pale legs through the shattered glass.
I want to hold the match and let it lick my finger,
Haunted Fields of IndigoWhy do I find myself wandering these haunted fields,Haunted Fields of Indigo3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Following a shadow of a spirit...
Pulled by the barbed wire wrapped around my throat,
and the poison threatening my blood....
Desperate glances behind, remind me,
that I can't help the way I feel...
But why do I find my self confessing my heart's true song,
To a moon that will never hear...
Here I am, my knees bloodied and torn in the dried, tarnished straw,
I can only imagine the luscious taste of sweet moon's light...
But here I am, bound by my love, bound for all eternity,
my love for those who cannot return it to me...
I will never find my way,
out of these haunted fields of indigo.
CanvasThe staining ink of your darkest Sharpie,Canvas3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
The bitter scent both relaxing and startling
The gentle tug of felted tips and pen on skin
Just rest my head down,
Let the shivers take me,
I wish you could experience something similar,
But I wouldn't know how to explain,
How wonderful it feels,
When I become your canvas.
Closing my eyes,
I listen to your steady breaths,
Your soft but precise movements on my skin,
My arm stretched across the cool wood,
My knuckles lightly touching your chest
I think, if I lay still enough,
I can feel your heartbeat through my skin
When you set that ink upon my skin,
I forget about everything bothering me,
Everything hurting me
And let the shivers consume me,
When I become your canvas.
My Label/ Hi, My Name Is...Sometimes I think I need to wear a label,My Label/ Hi, My Name Is...3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
That will tell you what is wrong with me
"Hi, My Name Is:
Easily loving, falls to quickly, doesn't know when to stop, tries her best but can't succeed, and only wants to hold someone's hand to feel that hand on her shoulder when she cries "
The ink would be smudged across as if written in haste, a couple letters bolded in spots as if trying to fix a mistake So many mistakes
The edges would be peeling as if to forget I ever existed all together
Sometimes, I think I need to wear a warning
So you will know ahead of time that I'm too broken to repair too lost to be found too hurt to heal and pretend to smile, often .
So that when you don't like what you read, I can just tear it away, and write another
But no matter what I try, my name is always the same .
To Kiss A GhostSlowly the drug pulls down my veins,To Kiss A Ghost3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Pulling my hand in purpled waters,
Dragging me down into a misty realm,
Of lavender smoke
Landing in a chilled crystal lake,
The ripples lapping against my legs,
I lift my eyes and see someone
A shadow of... someone
He reaches out a hand to me and touches my neck,
With the other, pulls me closer
It was like kissing a ghost,
He was there, and then... he wasn't
I never met his true self,
But I knew him then, and only then
My hair ruffled through his fingers,
Rough and red,
His skin was cool and fading,
I never knew what it was
To love a ghost
The Letter My Parents Will Never ReadThe words just slip through my teeth, now,The Letter My Parents Will Never Read3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
They dance out of my throat and coat my tongue,
"I don't like that anymore"
"I'm still the same person"
"I'm not mad at you"
I've gotten so good at lying, now,
I sometimes can't tell when even I'm telling the truth.
"Sure, everything's good"
"See? I'm smiling"
"I haven't had my first kiss"
You know what?
I'm not fine.
I have to hide my heart from my own parents because they don't understand.
I have to pretend that I'm mad at him and have "repented from my ways".
But in reality, I wait to read his words online,
I see his pictures,
I've kept the notes we wrote to each other in secret,
I'm in pain.
I'm hurt and full of longing to see him again,
Because you wouldn't let me be with him for the most idiotic reason,
Part of me hates you,
Part of me loves you,
Part of me is angry and spitting fire,
Part of me is hurt and bleeding.
And the more that you both pretend that ever
Only Half LupineThe silenced moon blinks from above,Only Half Lupine3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Watching me howl under my fur,
My tail dragging in the dirt,
Covering itself with dust and debris.
They'll never know what it's like,
To feel the cold stare of blood,
To know you are not one,
But only half lupine
A stretched whine escapes my teeth,
And the heads of those who claim love, turn,
I cannot possibly be fully accepted as one of them,
All for something out of my control .
Outside the pack, I watch and linger,
They accept me, but they do not,
And I am silently separated
I would protect them!
I would love them!
I would fight for them, lead them!
But it is not my path to do so
I will not be a pity case for their pack
My paws softly graze the worn paths of night,
I gaze through the thickened trees,
This darkened forest, a maze of my life,
I will never find my way
I am not fully one, or the other,
And for this reason,
I howl silently to myself as to not be heard,
For even if they sympathize, they will never kno
You Amuse MeHow do you amuse me?You Amuse Me3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Simply by being here.
For some reason,
I can't help but smile.
I can't help but enjoy myself when you're around.
I'm smiling again...
You say things that bring out my buried laughter,
You say things that patch up my scarred heart a little bit each day
How do you amuse me?
Simply being here,
And for some reason,
Laughter truly is the cure
So yes, you amuse me,
And please, please don't ever stop
Stand up, Now!Out the window,Stand up, Now!3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Through the sky,
The dawn ignites my way,
I see across the world's rounded skin,
And cry tears of rain,
For all the pain.
I am trying to call out to you,
"Breathe, Live, Remember!"
But not a single soul is listening,
We are all bound by our own chains of self-disgust and anger.
I will run to you,
Across the lands,
Across the seas.
Raise you up by your shoulders,
"Stand up, Now!"
Wipe your tears,
Shed your skin,
Break your chains,
Let your life begin.
"Now! Stand up, Now!"
Screaming in frustration,
I drain my blood and give a little to you all,
In hopes that you will breathe,
In hopes that you will live,
In hopes that you will remember.
I have spread my blood so thin around the skies,
The dawn is tinted crimson and maroon,
My voice is tired from casting it around the world,
Now it is only the winds' whisper.
My body is so drained and weak,
I lay under the elder maple tree,
My skin translucent and paper-like.
Slowly, a shadow,
A Hope....Once a fallen angel stood,A Hope....3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Solely on hollow ground,
His face turned towards the rain,
His breath like quivering smoke on his lips...
Falling to his knees he cried,
His wings fell down in the earth,
He clutched his side, shook with pain,
And held back the demon of his skin….
From behind a tombs still door,
There hid a changing girl,
Her eyes slitted, her hands clawed,
Her skin rippling like the sea…
She gritted her sharpened teeth,
Found her way to his trembling form,
On her knees, her face to his,
She looked deep into his mind…
She shared his pain,
They shared the load,
Both held their torso's and bit back tears,
And collapsed in the falling rain….
When he awoke the feline girl was sitting in her tree,
His head had rested on her cloak,
Before him, heated tea,
And turning his head, he heard her speak…
"I changed because I hated this form…I don't like who I am"
The angel replied,
"I changed because I miss my first love…and have given up for so long"
The feline girl tilted her head and ju
Therian ThoughtsI can feel her,Therian Thoughts3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Tensed up and ready to strike,
It's almost like a rubber band,
That's been stretched too thin.
Her golden eyes waiting for the band to snap,
And then, she'll pounce.
I can feel her when I'm angry,
When I'm annoyed and stressed,
She purrs and reminds me,
Of what she would do if she were let out.
Strike, Claw, Snarl, Growl, attack.
But then she also compels me, this beautiful cat.
She is truly beautiful,
She is the best and worst part of me all together.
When I am angered to the cliff's dangerous edge,
I can feel her stretching her lean muscles,
Preparing to take over,
To unleash her feral feline behavior.
Sometimes she wins but other times, I catch my own attention,
And remind her I am strong.
That I can do this
A Wild AnimalSlowly the angel stood,A Wild Animal3 years ago in Settings More Like This
Watching his wild lover shake,
Her mind tormented by two separate souls,
One wild, one tame,
Both to fight for their own name.
Chained to bedpost,
Clawed hands bound behind,
Her hair fell across her weary face,
Her eyes burning with fire found in cats alone.
Crouching near her panting form,
He brushed her hair from her face,
A small smile twists his lip,
And his eyes trace her shivering skin.
"What do you want from me?!" She whispers hatefully,
"What are you going to do? Destroy me like the others of my blood?
"I never knew you hunted my kind!" She spat at his feet,
Her teeth glaring in the bedroom light.
The angel reached for her jaw,
Gently cupping her face,
He looked into her eyes.
"I wish to tame you.
"And to love you.
"I wish for you to see the pain you are causing yourself,
"And I wish for you to listen."
Startled and scared,
Wary and untrusting,
Her heart pounded in her veins,
The thrum of their heartbeats combined in her ears.
For one mom
The Truthful RealmIf I were to look through a different world,The Truthful Realm3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I could see you smiling softly,
Your hand stroking something orange-furred and sleeping.
On your left is a golden-eyed tabby,
Her tail striped with three dark rings,
Her whiskers long and patience thin,
But heart, greater than the sun.
Sitting there beside you,
Is what I feel to be
In this alternate world,
Where spirits run true,
That is where I am
I look up to you,
I feel for you,
I forgive your every sway,
And I feel envious of this other realm,
Every breaking day.
Because if I were to be what I am.
I'd be with you most afternoons,
You'd come home and I'd be there waiting,
Waiting just for you.
And around my neck would be a ribbon,
Golden with my name,
And you smile as you placed your palm upon my brow,
And chuckle when I purred.
I am often envious of this other realm,
Where spirits run as they are true,
Because what my therian side is telling me,
Is that I belong with you
You'll Never Catch MeThere,You'll Never Catch Me3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
In the center of the prison,
Sways a starved young woman.
She drifts side to side,
Swinging from her rusted manacles.
"You'll never catch me, my dears," she sings,
"You'll never capture my soul,"
"As long as I still breathe, my dears,"
"My spirit will be whole!"
She chuckles and sighs,
Tears in her eyes,
Staining her irises red,
This acrobatic game she plays,
Fills her veins with lead.
"I will stay here, however long, and you will never see,"
"I can sing, here, in my cell,"
"But, my dears, you'll never catch me!"
Whisper to MeWhisper to me in my hair,Whisper to Me3 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
Tell me if you're real,
Tell me all the sacred things,
I never thought I'd feel.
Whisper to me in my neck,
Tell me if I'm sane,
Tell me that you miss me,
And you'll hold my hand again.
Whisper to me in my back,
Tell me our love remained,
Tell me that you still care,
And your heart, my words have stained.
Strong Enough...A shivering breath,Strong Enough...3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
A chill on the skin,
The continuous twittering of the southern crickets,
And a little girl, curled in her bed.
Just a little brown-headed girl,
All tucked in without a care,
Her dreams take her across the world and under the sea,
With Disney-fied promises of true love and happy endings.
How simple it really was,
Back before that girl became me
She used to fantasize and dream during both turns of the Sun,
And never feared anything or anyone.
She loved both her mother and her father,
Her little baby sister and her pups and kittens,
She loved everything.
She knew nothing.
That little brown-headed girl never knew her mother's bitter heart as well as I do now,
And she never knew her sister would change,
She never knew her father would nearly work himself to death each night,
And she didn't know that money controlled the world.
She never knew that she'd be criticized for her body by others,
For her mind and spirit by her own blood-kin,
She never knew that one day, s