Figured It OutI figured it out
I don't miss you
I miss being loved
Being held close and kissed
Having someone who cared for me
To laugh with and dance with
Being looked at the way you looked at me
I know I still care deeply for you
And hope you make good decisions
But I am not in love with you
Pain changes people
It taught me what is best for me
How to be happy with myself
I miss our friendship
Talking with you
And learning so much
You don't realize how much you taught me
Someday we might get that friendship back
Even if we don't,if our paths ever cross in life again
I will smile at you and remember the days I loved my best friend
SomeoneI need someone who feels this way about meSomeone3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Someone who will love me and won't leave
The man you were two years ago
The one I fell for
Might have been that guy
But he doesn't exist anymore
I've accepted the fact that I love someone who is not coming back
It's like loving a ghost
We used to know each other better than anyone else
Now we're strangers
Maybe this is the real you
Maybe you have no idea who you are
This could be the real me
And I'm okay with that
I don't feel crazy anymore
Honestly, I'm probably better off without you
I'm still working on believing that
I still miss you everyday
And I know that you don't miss me
I need someone who will stick with me
Through all the difficult moments
Who has seen me at my worst
And still decides to stay
I need someone to save me
Too Far GoneYour memory smothers meToo Far Gone3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Like a blanket over a fire
You can't save me now
As I drown in this reverie
Can nobody hear me?
Or am I silently begging
For someone to notice
That I am no longer strong?
I want so badly to feel your arms around me
To open my eyes and see yours staring back
Feel the comfort of your body against mine
You gently kissing my forehead...
But I'm too far gone
I would be lying if I said I didn't miss you
But I know we're not good for each other
I know going back to you
Would be setting myself up for pain
You should know that this was a very difficult decision to make
Choosing to finally let you go
To be on my own
Lonely Gods"I wish my body to be a staircaseLonely Gods3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
to heaven." She said, "A conduit
of lonely Gods."Swaying
pendulum hips, she, she
was made of stardust.- Scars sleeping
above a city of sweet bones, stirring
like sun-stricken scorpions during
hollow painkiller nights,
mistaking her redred burns
for Apollos kisses.
"Sadly, this body has whispered away
the last of my secrets."
Don't Mind MeDon't mind meDon't Mind Me4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
While I rest my head in my hands
From everything you've told me
All the lies that have been revealed
The truth comes to the surface
I can finally see who you really are
This is who I fell in love with?
No. He doesn't exist
I'm not sure he ever did
I waited around for nothing
Don't mind me
While I try to reconstruct my heart
And move on
Cerberusthe Gods abandoned youCerberus3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
the day you tore into poetic flesh.
slithering serpent, cold blooded-
blue blood society reject.
you left awkward love bites
along the edges of these ribs.
marked for today,
yesterday is mocking you-
6 trillion miles away.
i spend my forevers counting
your heartbeats with each
intake of breath as
somewhere, far off
Hades has you by the collar,
a hungry dog
standing alone in a bone-yard.
strange, how even still
with all your self built
p h i l o s o p h i e s
you became one with the earth,
devouring it whole with chunks
still stuck in your teeth.
Bookstore ReligionLurking in the shadows of roses,Bookstore Religion3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I formed my own Gods,
my own constellations
between the thorns in my teeth.
Naming them after characters
in a November's love story,
Porphyria, Dorian, and Gatsby-
I tasted earth and copper pennies.
Choking on peppermint and oils-
out of my mouth in rambles of
I recited poetic prayers to the classics.
She has the moon in her eyes.But, this body is a black hole,She has the moon in her eyes.3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
a hollowed out womb-
and these palms are sandpaper
thin and bleeding a silent stigmata.
"Not yet ripe to fall from her bed,
too young to understand her own limbs-"
She folds back July's origami skin,
wishing for the warmth of winters kiss.
She is a raven heart, thumping wildly
against the whispers of vintage lips.
Her bed is empty,
but the sheets are red.
Best Friends for Never?We always talk,Best Friends for Never?2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
you listen to my rants,
never bothered by me.
So what if I can't stop,
you know me.
You wake me up every morning,
doesn't matter rain or shine,
you'll always be there.
One day I woke up and saw stormy weather,
and you weren't there.
I called your name countless ways,
I tried and tried again,
but you weren't there.
Can't you come back to me,
why can't you see?
What I see in you,
can't live without you.
Time is sailing by,
why won't you come by?
I tried to reach out,
I've spoke out,
yet why wouldn't you listen to me.
Can't you come back to me?
Have I done something wrong?
I would never try to hurt you,
yet what did you do to me?
I had to respond,
but if felt so wrong.
Please come back to me.
I am begging you,
I can't bear this much longer.
This weight is pulling me done,
I need you there,
but your not there.
Your the only one that can solve my problems,
yet you are my problem.
How can it be?
I love you, you see.
I think the worlds gonna end,
with out my best friend.
ShardsThe dream shatters around me like a broken mirror.Shards3 years ago in Songs & Lyrics More Like This
Pieces of you surround me, but nothing seems to be clear.
I'm still cleaning up the mess you made.
You should have put down your fear,
You could have stayed.
I'm done chasing.
I've stopped running.
Have you even noticed that I'm walking the other way?
I'm cut by the shards of what's left of who you were.
Red tears stain the surface while the world is in a blur.
Lost and FoundLost and FoundLost and Found3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Here I am walking around aimlessly
Scars surround every part of my body
Lies are all that I seem to know
Tears no longer come out
Just the supreme silence
I walk for what seems to be forever
I lose the strength that I have to stand
I was done, I was done with trying
I wanted to sit and rot
But there you were
The flickering light in my hurt eyes
You came for me...came running
At this close to dead corpse
You whispered thoughts of hope- often true thoughts
It was never merely flattery, and overreacted words
Nor was it fake for secret intentions
It was honest, kind, true
You are the only one that makes me feel this way
Because you are the first one you found ME
I want desperately to say I love you my friend
You help in me in so many ways.
-March 2, 2012-
I'm Going Down With You (Eulogy For The Dying)I thought you were fine,I'm Going Down With You (Eulogy For The Dying)3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I thought it was better,
But right now I feel,
As if I've read your suicide letter.
Dried blood on your nose,
And a shake in your touch,
I know I was wrong,
You've loosened your clutch.
I thought you were good,
I thought it was going,
But it's worse than bad,
And I think that it's growing.
Death in your eyes,
And despair in your tone,
I know I was wrong,
And I'll soon be alone.
I thought you were cool,
I thought it was slain,
But it's all fallen to hell,
And it's driving me insane.
Strain in your breath,
And no hope in your soul,
I never even saw,
And now it's taking it's toll.
I thought you were living,
I thought it was dead,
But now you can't hide,
And it's vice versa instead.
No step to hold spring,
And no belief in yourself,
I'm losing you now,
Losing love's wealth.
I thought you would tell me,
I thought I had right to know,
But apparently I'm just a child,
And I should believe this damn show.
Tears on my cheeks,
And betrayal in my heart,
You're dying on me
WreckageHe stole my virginity, put it in a box. Tied it with a slimy bow,Wreckage3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
one that fastens and locks. Threw it in the fire, watched it sizzle
and burn. Started to take my value, burned it taking turns.
He trapped me in leather, smothered me till I died. Threw my body
in the trash, never even cried. Left me there to rot, left me
for the rats. Skin pallid, limbs limp, eyes as black as bats.
He left then, and somehow I returned. Crawled through the wreckage,
void of all concern. Eyes were black and lips were cracked. I
wandered like a lifeless doll, feeling I'd been smacked.
He never returned, never said sorry. Left me in the dark at the
bottom of a quarry. Now I'm walking with a limp, soundless and
mute. I hope you know it wasn't fun, it wasn't even cute.
Cutting DaysDo you remember those days?Cutting Days4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I sure do.
The days where I'd wear long sleeves or armbands no matter what the weather.
cover the scars with tons of make-up
Make up stories about the cuts on my arms or legs
"The cat did it"
"I got it shaving"
"I fell in the woods"
Stupid excuses like that.
I remember the days
when people would whisper when I walk in the room.
The days when people called me a freak
or a emo
or a attention whore
or a psycho
just because I cut myself.
I remember the days
That I'd hide my razors
clean the blood off the floor
wash my bedsheets late and night so no one saw.
I remember the days
when I couldn't sleep without cutting myself
I couldn't think without cutting myself.
The days when my life revolved around self inflicted injury
I'm sure we all remember those days
whether you did it for 6 months or six years
whether you cut 4 times a week or 4 times a day
whether you cut deep or shallow
we all remember these days.
I also remember the day when I decided it wasn't worth it
Behind Those Eyes You HideBehind those eyes you hideBehind Those Eyes You Hide3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
The fear and pain you feel
Kept in secret of oblivion
Seeing what isn't real
The mask of contentment
Covers your wounds
But your eyes
Well up in the fumes
Everything captured inside
Begging to escape
Can't be concealed
Your eyes being the gate
The weight bares down
Like an anchor at the bottom of the sea
You wait there patiently
For someone like me
Self-Harm.Cut cut cut cut.Self-Harm.3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
My heart races at the thought.
It's all I can think about.
Blood dripping down my hips,
the sweet release that it gives.
Cut once, cut twice.
Just another slice.
Come on now,
it's no big deal,
I promise it will heal.
My scars are my memories,
they tell my many stories.
Sweat, Spice, and ScarsYour eyes,Sweat, Spice, and Scars3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
a thunderstorm of black and blue sex
jarring and devouring my insides,
shaped a faithless religion
through the cracks & broken shards
of my hollowed out womb.
I want my insides back.
She had never thought of herself as brokenShe had never thought of herself as broken,She had never thought of herself as broken3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
as missing, as unfinished, as incomplete.
She used to think she was complete, accomplished;
her flaws hidden, her heart healed and soul varnished.
Her Creator had made her independent -
she did not need her "other half" to be whole.
When he left, a cold hand wrapped around her heart;
she ached, trapped under the weight of missing him.
She craved his presence, his arms around her waist,
his hands in her hair, his eyes locked on to hers.
She realized she'd simply been fooling herself -
He was her "other half", a 'yin' to her 'yang'.
She had never thought of herself as broken,
until feeling broken was all she had left.
PleaseI want you to love mePlease3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
A little like I love you.
Like lovers kissing
For the first time that
It sets the world on fire.
And I plan to burn down
With it because I keep failing
To realize that I'm more than
Just a body for you to touch,
A body for you to hold.
You arms around my ribs
Makes me feel so fragile,
But so safe that I could not
Possibly break while you
And I can feel you hand slipping
From mine even though I beg
You to stay because I hate
The word goodbye and how
You look as you walk away.
I want you to remember me
When you arrive.
And I want you to remember me
When you leave me behind.
Hell's AngelAll I need is an angel from hell,Hell's Angel3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
She's the only beauty who can control my desire,
When she breaks the ice and kisses me with fire.
I've been asleep for so long when I return to life,
The cherubim of heaven will hear my soul yell.
All I need is an angel from hell,
She'll be my fair lady who will purge my regret,
When she calms the thunder with tears she wept.
I've been lost for all time but now I have no strife,
The seraphim of heaven will ring out an immortal bell.
All I need is an angel from hell,
She can do no wrong when all I see is her honesty,
When she slays the wind in those skies of piety.
I've been alone for an eternity now she's my wife,
The children of heaven will curse us: We of minds so fell.
BleedAs I bleed beneath the sheets,Bleed3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
A cold waterfall leaks,
From my pale and bruised skin,
Unveiling the ruby waters within.
As I bleed between the sheets,
The brutal, chilling slash speaks,
A slurred and vicious kiss,
From underneath the painless bliss.
As I bleed amongst the sheets,
A river of tears and pain meet,
Unleashing the terror and hidden ecstasy,
My only cure, a final remedy.
As I bleed below the sheets,
The lines of red bleat:
A sickened cry for help or aid,
Before my soul is left to fade.
Tonight.I swear I'm trying to hold on,Tonight.3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
But I know I'm losing the fight,
I just want it all to be gone,
I want that tonight.
I can't keep this fake smile,
Any longer upon my face,
I'll let it slip for a while,
I'll hide out in this place.
Somewhere in-between death and life,
Feel the cold spreading through,
As for the final time I drop the knife.
This time the rumours will be true.
Of how she took her sorry life,
Cut it short and disappeared,
Escaped the trouble and the strife,
She was more fucked up than we first feared.
Now she is gone far away,
Another name upon the list,
The memories of her will soon stray,
The fuck up girl will no longer exist.
Learn.Learn to breathLearn.3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I haven't yet learned to see
Learn to love
I've taught myself to feel numb
Learn to cry
I might one day learn to fly
Learn to feel
Learn to know what's fake and real
Learn to burn
I know now I've learned to learn
We're all mad here.God's biggest mistake,We're all mad here.3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
She sanded away
just to see her wishbones.
Calling boys peaches,
hoping they'd taste
just as sweet
Mad cats and top hats
had her questioning
her own rose garden reality.
Because upside down
is right side up,
and holy rollers think her
much too butch for her own good.
As she prefers lipstick kisses
over slithering tongues.