Figured It OutI figured it out
I don't miss you
I miss being loved
Being held close and kissed
Having someone who cared for me
To laugh with and dance with
Being looked at the way you looked at me
I know I still care deeply for you
And hope you make good decisions
But I am not in love with you
Pain changes people
It taught me what is best for me
How to be happy with myself
I miss our friendship
Talking with you
And learning so much
You don't realize how much you taught me
Someday we might get that friendship back
Even if we don't,if our paths ever cross in life again
I will smile at you and remember the days I loved my best friend
SomeoneI need someone who feels this way about meSomeone3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Someone who will love me and won't leave
The man you were two years ago
The one I fell for
Might have been that guy
But he doesn't exist anymore
I've accepted the fact that I love someone who is not coming back
It's like loving a ghost
We used to know each other better than anyone else
Now we're strangers
Maybe this is the real you
Maybe you have no idea who you are
This could be the real me
And I'm okay with that
I don't feel crazy anymore
Honestly, I'm probably better off without you
I'm still working on believing that
I still miss you everyday
And I know that you don't miss me
I need someone who will stick with me
Through all the difficult moments
Who has seen me at my worst
And still decides to stay
I need someone to save me
Lonely Gods"I wish my body to be a staircaseLonely Gods3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
to heaven." She said, "A conduit
of lonely Gods."Swaying
pendulum hips, she, she
was made of stardust.- Scars sleeping
above a city of sweet bones, stirring
like sun-stricken scorpions during
hollow painkiller nights,
mistaking her redred burns
for Apollos kisses.
"Sadly, this body has whispered away
the last of my secrets."
Too Far GoneYour memory smothers meToo Far Gone2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Like a blanket over a fire
You can't save me now
As I drown in this reverie
Can nobody hear me?
Or am I silently begging
For someone to notice
That I am no longer strong?
I want so badly to feel your arms around me
To open my eyes and see yours staring back
Feel the comfort of your body against mine
You gently kissing my forehead...
But I'm too far gone
I would be lying if I said I didn't miss you
But I know we're not good for each other
I know going back to you
Would be setting myself up for pain
You should know that this was a very difficult decision to make
Choosing to finally let you go
To be on my own
Don't Mind MeDon't mind meDon't Mind Me3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
While I rest my head in my hands
From everything you've told me
All the lies that have been revealed
The truth comes to the surface
I can finally see who you really are
This is who I fell in love with?
No. He doesn't exist
I'm not sure he ever did
I waited around for nothing
Don't mind me
While I try to reconstruct my heart
And move on
Bookstore ReligionLurking in the shadows of roses,Bookstore Religion3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I formed my own Gods,
my own constellations
between the thorns in my teeth.
Naming them after characters
in a November's love story,
Porphyria, Dorian, and Gatsby-
I tasted earth and copper pennies.
Choking on peppermint and oils-
out of my mouth in rambles of
I recited poetic prayers to the classics.
She has the moon in her eyes.But, this body is a black hole,She has the moon in her eyes.3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
a hollowed out womb-
and these palms are sandpaper
thin and bleeding a silent stigmata.
"Not yet ripe to fall from her bed,
too young to understand her own limbs-"
She folds back July's origami skin,
wishing for the warmth of winters kiss.
She is a raven heart, thumping wildly
against the whispers of vintage lips.
Her bed is empty,
but the sheets are red.
Cerberusthe Gods abandoned youCerberus3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
the day you tore into poetic flesh.
slithering serpent, cold blooded-
blue blood society reject.
you left awkward love bites
along the edges of these ribs.
marked for today,
yesterday is mocking you-
6 trillion miles away.
i spend my forevers counting
your heartbeats with each
intake of breath as
somewhere, far off
Hades has you by the collar,
a hungry dog
standing alone in a bone-yard.
strange, how even still
with all your self built
p h i l o s o p h i e s
you became one with the earth,
devouring it whole with chunks
still stuck in your teeth.
Lost and FoundLost and FoundLost and Found3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Here I am walking around aimlessly
Scars surround every part of my body
Lies are all that I seem to know
Tears no longer come out
Just the supreme silence
I walk for what seems to be forever
I lose the strength that I have to stand
I was done, I was done with trying
I wanted to sit and rot
But there you were
The flickering light in my hurt eyes
You came for me...came running
At this close to dead corpse
You whispered thoughts of hope- often true thoughts
It was never merely flattery, and overreacted words
Nor was it fake for secret intentions
It was honest, kind, true
You are the only one that makes me feel this way
Because you are the first one you found ME
I want desperately to say I love you my friend
You help in me in so many ways.
-March 2, 2012-
I'm Going Down With You (Eulogy For The Dying)I thought you were fine,I'm Going Down With You (Eulogy For The Dying)3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I thought it was better,
But right now I feel,
As if I've read your suicide letter.
Dried blood on your nose,
And a shake in your touch,
I know I was wrong,
You've loosened your clutch.
I thought you were good,
I thought it was going,
But it's worse than bad,
And I think that it's growing.
Death in your eyes,
And despair in your tone,
I know I was wrong,
And I'll soon be alone.
I thought you were cool,
I thought it was slain,
But it's all fallen to hell,
And it's driving me insane.
Strain in your breath,
And no hope in your soul,
I never even saw,
And now it's taking it's toll.
I thought you were living,
I thought it was dead,
But now you can't hide,
And it's vice versa instead.
No step to hold spring,
And no belief in yourself,
I'm losing you now,
Losing love's wealth.
I thought you would tell me,
I thought I had right to know,
But apparently I'm just a child,
And I should believe this damn show.
Tears on my cheeks,
And betrayal in my heart,
You're dying on me
Sweat, Spice, and ScarsYour eyes,Sweat, Spice, and Scars2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
a thunderstorm of black and blue sex
jarring and devouring my insides,
shaped a faithless religion
through the cracks & broken shards
of my hollowed out womb.
I want my insides back.
BeastBeast3 years ago in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
You know that monster that dwelled inside?
I told you about him before,
You see, recently he could subside,
But he will wait no more,
His hunger has gotten stronger,
His size, oh how it's grown,
His teeth, his fangs, his claws, they're longer,
He's at the worst I've ever known,
He's clawing through my sanity,
He's ripping through my gut,
He's broken apart the chains on me,
And he's left me in a rut,
It was never about what was good for me,
And I'm sure that's what you thought,
He only wanted the worst he could be,
And that was what I got,
He has a funny way about him,
It's an addiction, I swear,
He's always ready to go out on a limb,
But what sickens me is he cares,
Though it may be the worst thing for us,
He'll rip apart the soul,
He'll wail, he'll scream, he'll make a fuss,
He destroy the very thing he stole,
I hate the beast inside me,
But what I hate more is his cage,
He wants to unleash his killing spree,
I'm certain I can't withhold his rage
Hell's AngelAll I need is an angel from hell,Hell's Angel3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
She's the only beauty who can control my desire,
When she breaks the ice and kisses me with fire.
I've been asleep for so long when I return to life,
The cherubim of heaven will hear my soul yell.
All I need is an angel from hell,
She'll be my fair lady who will purge my regret,
When she calms the thunder with tears she wept.
I've been lost for all time but now I have no strife,
The seraphim of heaven will ring out an immortal bell.
All I need is an angel from hell,
She can do no wrong when all I see is her honesty,
When she slays the wind in those skies of piety.
I've been alone for an eternity now she's my wife,
The children of heaven will curse us: We of minds so fell.
PleaseI want you to love mePlease3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
A little like I love you.
Like lovers kissing
For the first time that
It sets the world on fire.
And I plan to burn down
With it because I keep failing
To realize that I'm more than
Just a body for you to touch,
A body for you to hold.
You arms around my ribs
Makes me feel so fragile,
But so safe that I could not
Possibly break while you
And I can feel you hand slipping
From mine even though I beg
You to stay because I hate
The word goodbye and how
You look as you walk away.
I want you to remember me
When you arrive.
And I want you to remember me
When you leave me behind.
Alone. She is aloneAlone.3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
always has been,
& always would be
If not for the words.
They whisper to her
in the darkness
And tickle the hair
of her neck
& footprints in her heart.
They tell her to run,
& like the pages of a book,
she is closed.
But written on pages
& in books
and stories will find a way to be told.
So she writes,
about ink stains,
& the colors on the water
that fall from her eyes.
Cutting DaysDo you remember those days?Cutting Days4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I sure do.
The days where I'd wear long sleeves or armbands no matter what the weather.
cover the scars with tons of make-up
Make up stories about the cuts on my arms or legs
"The cat did it"
"I got it shaving"
"I fell in the woods"
Stupid excuses like that.
I remember the days
when people would whisper when I walk in the room.
The days when people called me a freak
or a emo
or a attention whore
or a psycho
just because I cut myself.
I remember the days
That I'd hide my razors
clean the blood off the floor
wash my bedsheets late and night so no one saw.
I remember the days
when I couldn't sleep without cutting myself
I couldn't think without cutting myself.
The days when my life revolved around self inflicted injury
I'm sure we all remember those days
whether you did it for 6 months or six years
whether you cut 4 times a week or 4 times a day
whether you cut deep or shallow
we all remember these days.
I also remember the day when I decided it wasn't worth it
nearsightedi.nearsighted2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
you spoke at breakneck speeds,
with the urgency of an alarm's wail,
and i tried to absorb all of you;
but the fog of me
spit back your high-beams and blinded us both.
i was never one to back down from a challenge
and we were, side by side,
double and triple dog daring each other
to accelerate blindly and coast into madness.
i would run you into that ditch again
as long as you promise
to stitch back the pieces of me
that stained the grey brick red.
MisunderstandingPitter Patter, goes the rain.Misunderstanding9 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Her cry, filled with pain.
Where is he?
Where did he go?
Didn't I see him? Just a minute ago?
He was here, and now he's gone.
And now a thought begins to dawn....
He's left her, he's moved on.
She loved him, he loved her too.
Or so she thought, and in her mind, a plan begins to brew.
She'll get back at him, oh yes!
She will, she'll make him pay.
She'll even kill.
He took her heart.
She took her life.
And now that man has lost his wife.
He didn't leave her, he hadn't moved on.
He was too late....and now she's gone.
Pitter Patter goes the rain.
And now his cry is filled with pain.
I Die Forever In Your ArmsForever I die in your arms and die again when you look at me,I Die Forever In Your Arms3 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
only within this eternal death can I seek to be free,
and always I wander in the shadows of the midnight sun,
beneath the metallic sky this journey is only half begun,
by killing me softly you have brought me again back life,
I weigh the balance on the edge of the sacrificial knife
while the thunder cracks, overhead I kneel to embrace strife,
I meet the Morrigan at her alter before the split tree,
death may be found in more ways then one, Mother War holds the gun,
lightning strikes, the blade falls and I rise as the Chaos Wife.
Learn.Learn to breathLearn.2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I haven't yet learned to see
Learn to love
I've taught myself to feel numb
Learn to cry
I might one day learn to fly
Learn to feel
Learn to know what's fake and real
Learn to burn
I know now I've learned to learn
WreckageHe stole my virginity, put it in a box. Tied it with a slimy bow,Wreckage2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
one that fastens and locks. Threw it in the fire, watched it sizzle
and burn. Started to take my value, burned it taking turns.
He trapped me in leather, smothered me till I died. Threw my body
in the trash, never even cried. Left me there to rot, left me
for the rats. Skin pallid, limbs limp, eyes as black as bats.
He left then, and somehow I returned. Crawled through the wreckage,
void of all concern. Eyes were black and lips were cracked. I
wandered like a lifeless doll, feeling I'd been smacked.
He never returned, never said sorry. Left me in the dark at the
bottom of a quarry. Now I'm walking with a limp, soundless and
mute. I hope you know it wasn't fun, it wasn't even cute.
Icarus DreamsHe had Icarus dreams,Icarus Dreams3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
it was not for the flight
that he longed.
But the descent,
the freedom of the fall,
abandon, out of control,
between life and death.
For that one beautiful
moment, you gave yourself up
We're all mad here.God's biggest mistake,We're all mad here.3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
She sanded away
just to see her wishbones.
Calling boys peaches,
hoping they'd taste
just as sweet
Mad cats and top hats
had her questioning
her own rose garden reality.
Because upside down
is right side up,
and holy rollers think her
much too butch for her own good.
As she prefers lipstick kisses
over slithering tongues.
CuttingCuttingCutting3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I don't want to
I want to
I don't want to
I want to
It's all too much
The cold, black handle
Arrives at my hand
The silver blade gleams
In my very hands
The pain conquered
The blade met my flesh
my waxen skin
Soon stained with the maroon
Stain the hands
Stain the floor
Stain the soul
The thirst for blood, unquenchable
I can't stop myself
Only left are these scars
The scars tell the tale
The blood flows
Nothing I can do
Don't make the mistake
Don't pay the price
Don't end up like me
Suffering an eternal rest