We Will Never BeI met you on August 18th of 2008.
I remember how hot it was in the classroom
That day and how your eyes widened with confusion
As I sat down next to you.
I will never forget those eyes.
You loved Mondays and dreaded Fridays.
I thought you were crazy and you told
Me that the only reason was so you
Could see me in school.
I still thought you were crazy.
We would do our math assignments on the
Playground and talk about our lives.
We were so different, but you always
Insisted that we were absolutely perfect.
I wish I would have known how right you were.
I miss you so much that I can't sleep.
But I have to keep moving because you
Promised me that we would be again, remember?
You held my hand for a second too long and
Told me that you would see me tomorrow.
And I believed you because your eyes had that same
Warm look in them that you always got when
You would tell me something important.
I've seen you three times since then, and we
Have walked away from each other
Hurt MeHurt me.Hurt Me2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Paint the floors a violent red.
Give me the scars that make them
Mix the purple and blue undertones
That destroy my body.
The colors that I try to hide.
Make me a fool.
A fool to think that
I can trust anyone.
It's a lie.
Tell me what I am, and not who.
Scream until I cry.
And make me wish for an end.
It would be the only good thing
You've ever done for me.
But you're not that kind.
I'm Still HereI am screaming again andI'm Still Here1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
Throwing my fists into my mattress.
I am laying here trying so hard
To be something more than this.
My sheets are crumpled from
Being horribly wide awake
And restlessly unconscious,
But they still smell like you.
And it is achingly cruel.
I don't believe I will die,
But I do believe in reckless behavior
Because as hard as I try I
Will never be good enough for you.
My hands don't fit in yours
But I keep trying to force them to.
And I know you will let me
Because I am weak and I
Will undress when you ask me to,
But I really hope you don't.
I am screaming again and
It shakes my bones.
I scream until my voice breaks
And there is nothing left.
I am hollow.
I am empty.
I am too far gone.
I Am WishingI am wishing I wasn't alone,I Am Wishing1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
That my brain would shut off,
That people would listen
When I whisper the undeniable truth.
But if no one listens
Then who the hell cares?
I am wishing that you were here
To smother my nightmares
And make me feel like I am safe.
If they can't see what I see
When I close my eyes
Then is it really there?
I am wishing that you still loved me,
That you would feel more for me
Than you do for her,
But I will never be good enough.
If you hold me and say everything is fine
Will it be a lie?
And I just wish you would say something
Because the silence screams
More truth than I can take.
And I just miss the sound of your voice like crazy.
But if I can't feel my own heart beating in my chest
Does that mean I am no longer living?
I don't know
Dreams.Dreams send you awayDreams.1 year ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
there an hour ago here today
Where things are never as the seem
and nothing is a structured scheme.
You can fly way above the clouds
run naked without a care through the crowds
You can dive down beneath the rolling waves
and dance around the empty graves.
You can swim through lakes of earth
and sell the world for all it's worth
You can drown in the fires of love
and soar with eagles along the stars above.
Time ticks past in ways unheard
fixated on each particular word
With a crack and a boom
you are sent from the gloom.
Only to awake the next day
but you shall not keep me away
for when night once again does return
for i long of the beauty of the nocturne.
The SecretHow old is this secret?The Secret1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
How long have you known?
How could you do this to me?
Can I even trust you?
How did you think I would feel?
Our paths have split.
Our destinies have unraveled
We walk onwards alone.
Every step is agony.
Yet how can I return,
Knowing that you know?
I walk in fields.
You walk in mountains.
I walk in fire.
You walk in rain.
Somehow we meet again.
Our paths have met,
And I forgive you,
For learning my name.
Lie To MeFingertips lace around my ribsLie To Me1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
And pull at my skin
As my breath catches
At the coolness of your touch.
Calm these trembling hands
And hold them tight in yours.
I'll move my lips on yours
Just so you don't have to.
Hearts beat faster and
My breath shudders with insecurity.
Press my body close to yours
So I don't shatter into fragments.
Lie to me one more time.
Tangle your legs in mine,
Brush your lips along my neck.
Make me feel alive.
Little GirlYou saw me,Little Girl1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
Broken under the tree.
I sat alone,
Trying to be my own person.
Trying to live without a crutch.
But I guess you looked through me,
And saw the broken little girl I am.
I wish you hadn't scooped me up.
I wish you hadn't started caring for me.
I wish I hadn't cared for you.
You saw me cry.
You didn't know how much baggage I carried.
What I had,
You could never deal with.
The baggage I carry,
Needs someone to be around all the time.
I've been neglected.
Ive been lied to.
Ive been left out on the street to fend for myself.
Ive been left to fight other peoples battles.
I just want to be my own person.
I want to not hurt anymore.
If you see me sitting under that tree,
Don't come up,
And try to save me.
You would be trying to win a losing battle.
Love LiesLove lies.Love Lies1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
And I was never in love.
I will deny it every time you ask.
I will say "No."
I will say "It didn't mean anything."
I will say "I'm fine."
In your fingertips as you trace
The curves of my body,
Memorizing every turn.
And I was happy.
But suddenly I'm screaming and
Holding my head in my hands
Because I can't remember how to breathe.
And I'm pounding my dashboard because
I can't handle listening to this song anymore.
But I don't like the silence.
And I didn't ask for this.
I didn't mean to spit my heart out so close
To your feet because you keep stepping on it,
And I don't think you even realize it.
I don't want to lean into your words
As they fall from your soft lips
Because I know that they're false.
And it makes me angry as hell.
I guess what I'm saying is:
I don't need you.
I don't want you.
I was never yours.
And I was never in love.
I will deny it every time you ask.
I will say "No."
I will say "It didn't mean
Head screamingOnce I called them friends inside this messed up head.Head screaming1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
Now they're enemies, of my own will.
Tearing at the top of my head, and ripping hair from everywhere
Do my words make sense anymore?
Keeping them all awake.
Whispers here n' there.
My name repeated over and over again.
Like someone's calling towards the base of my body.
Starting to get scared.
Once I just hold onto the medication.
Everything will be ok.
You hold me tight, and tell me to overcome them.
Just like everyone else.
Getting filled with someone else.
And turning into another.
Watching it like a movie,
Waiting for your turn to play.
People keep questioning, "why are you acting so strange?"
They all laugh.
One little girl is filled with many voices
It tastes like love.I could speak of her in riddles,It tastes like love.1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
in aged, anatomy textbook terminology-
but, I wont.
You see, I cuffed this angel to my bedpost.
I sank my teeth into feathers she wore like a cage
and asked if I was dreaming, because Love,
you're not holding me. If you only knew the you in my head,
every night--tearing with these heavenly fingers
at the cracks in my sanity- you would allow me this!
Her tongue tastes my tears; nails clawing, clawing, clawing-
she takes away my pain,
but she doesn't belong to me either.
"We are but wolves.
Tell me, what does my blood taste like?"
Teach Me Not To LoveHow do you do it?Teach Me Not To Love2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
How do you fall out of love so quickly?
After all the time spent together,
And all the memories that were made,
You somehow managed to make these feelings
Maybe they were never there to begin with.
It kills me to think this, but you were able to
Walk away so easily. I meant nothing
To you when you meant the world to me.
I gave you everything.
And I want it all back.
Every kiss, every smile, every emotion I ever
Felt for you.
You don't care anymore, and I wish I could
Do the same. It would make my pain go away.
I wouldn't have to lie awake crying at night wishing
I was in your arms. My heart wouldn't clench every time
I am reminded of you. And I wouldn't feel the way I do.
How do you do it?
My heart is exhausted, so please, teach me how.
Teach me not to love.
When I'm GoneI want to tell you something although IWhen I'm Gone11 months ago in Free Verse More Like This
Don’t know why I even try.
You were never the type who liked
To listen to what was on my mind,
But I’ll just keep talking anyway.
Maybe this time I’ll get through.
Here’s the thing:
I want to be the reason why
You can’t sleep at night,
Or the reason you don’t eat.
I want you to feel that twist
In your stomach when you see
Something that reminds you of me.
I want you to know the
Feeling of a heart that has been torn.
It beats in your chest, but it still isn't
Enough to convince you that you’re alive.
I want you to feel emptiness every
Time you realize that I’m not there,
And that it is because of you.
Believe me when I say I don’t
Miss you, and that I never could have
Possibly been in love with you.
I want you to see what you've done,
And actually mean it when you say you’re sorry.
I want so many things that will never happen
All because you were better than I was.
I Can't Hear You AnymoreThe clouds are heavy tonight,I Can't Hear You Anymore10 months ago in Free Verse More Like This
And I am suffocating,
Choking on my own words
As they fly from my mouth.
You never cared about yourself,
And after your death that
Became hard to think about.
(But I do anyway.)
I suddenly find myself missing
The years we had spent together
And how spider webs would form in
The corners of your eyes when you smiled.
But the thing is that I can’t hear you anymore.
I can’t remember the sound
Of your voice or the feeling of
Your hands as they touched my lips.
You once told me that home
Is where you lie,
But I hate it here, and
I hate living with these ghosts.
Paradise.My arms ache from digging throughParadise.1 year ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
rough and ruin, in search of
I saw it in a whispered dream,
there, nothing hurt;
we were unspoken.
With winter came warmth and summer snow,
And nothing died, just ceased to
walk with me
The TruthThe TruthThe Truth1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
Nothing in this world will ever be equal.
That is why bad things happen to good people.
That is why death is life's &
Halfway"Why couldn't you have died?"Halfway1 year ago in Emotional More Like This
I paused. Sometimes....I thought about it too. The process of this thing called life could have easily been avoided, the troubles of it faded and nonexistent within my core. Just a simple emptiness, a simple nothing.
"You should have died." His brown eyes were flashing as he uttered it, so carelessly. The coldness in them was indifferent, but the tone of his words pierced every crevice of my soul.
But would he ever realize it? Probably not. He lacked the capacity to understand those around him and in the world, lacked the tenderness of empathy. He would rather feed on the hatred of others, and I, as his sister, was no exception. The words were sharp as daggers, and if I could, I would pluck them from his mouth and strike my chest over and over again, until the redness of my blood seeped through my shirt and onto the floor.
"Die, you bitch."
I flinched again. Wasn't I the one who had supported him before? Hadn't I watched over him in his youth, carin
the clockwork liari. we dusted dreams off people like the first snowflakes of the season. you'd take one and rest it on the center of your tongue because you hated the taste of ice cream and wanted to reset what cold tasted like to you.the clockwork liar1 year ago in Stories & Vignettes More Like This
you taught me that the cold could be bitter, and so could people's dreams.
you drank out of out-of-order wells because you believed they still worked and that the government was keeping it all to itself.
i never realized how insane you made me before i wrote this all down.
ii. i wished on the sun because i ran out of shooting stars.
and just to spite me, you began wishing on raindrops because you believed that they were so many, one of them was bound to remember you.
but we both ended up laughing hysterically with protruding knives on a bloodstained floor, didn't we?
iii. i talked to clockwork towers and told them to lie because if they stopped for just a while, all the time in the world would seize.
one human, two human
Cover It With InkI will not break another person in my lifeCover It With Ink1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
Those who I have broken I will fix
I'm done with this thought that I'm nothing
Cause I'm something that no one will never be
I'm done crying myself to sleep
I will laugh at the thought
I will never pick that blade up again
Cause if I will cut something it will be paper
I will cut paper
With my pen
I will write my emotions
And I will not hide
I'm not evil
I will cut my paper
I will use my deadly weapon
I feel bad for the item I'm covering in ink
I know how it feels to be covered
I know how it feels to be cornered
I will not take any pills
This is my medication
I will learn
Something that we all have known
When we were kids
I will learn to
Love myself again
Bloody TearsBloody tearsBloody Tears1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
I cry my fears
and think that I will never win
I hate these dares
And in the end I will lose
You paint my cheeks
And I hope you won't fade away
I hope you care
For you're the only thing that's left
MaybeYour body has been usedMaybe1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
By all of those who are broken.
The ones who are trying to repair
Their own wounds with
No regards towards your own.
You are a hand for him to hold
While he thinks of her
And tries to forget the emptiness
And the fact that he is alone.
For a brief moment while
He is inside of you,
You feel as if you are the
Missing half of the whole,
And it is perfect.
He recites memorized lines
And you wonder who else
Has heard them before you,
But you tell yourself that
You're the first anyway.
Your body has been used
By all of those who are broken,
And you begin to wish that
You could be loved once,
And loved most.
I Might Need YouI think I might need you,I Might Need You1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
But here's the thing:
I'm spinning out of control
And careening off the side of the road.
I pretend to hold on to the wheel,
But we both know I'll crash.
It wasn't a fair fight.
If you would listen,
If you would actually listen,
You would hear me whispering
"I want you."
"I need you."
And if you would listen,
If you would actually listen,
You would know that
We are horribly wrong
For each other,
And that my words mean nothing.
But what's to stop us from
Sharing our sheets anyway?
We sleep folded together
Like slips of origami paper
Pressed so tightly that
We could not possibly split.
I think I might need you,
But here's the thing:
I really wish I didn't.
I wish it was you,
And not me.
Like Shattered GlassBroken bones like shattered glassLike Shattered Glass1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
Crash down to the floor.
Her screams go unnoticed
Until she falls eerily silent.
"Shhh, it's only me."
Can anyone hear?
Does anyone know?
Arms pinned above her head,
She freezes in fear.
Please let it be quick this time.
Please let this end.
Close your eyes, child
And leave your body behind.
Tapped in these moments
I cannot forget.
I will always remember, and I cannot
Are You Alright?Are you alright?Are You Alright?1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
You've asked me this so many times,
And the answer is always 'yes'.
Quite frankly, why do you care?
What if the answer is no?
Do you care then?
Am I alright?
I've never really thought about it.
It's easier to be happy than to
Think about all the reasons I'm not,
Easier than thinking of you.
I still remember when you grabbed my hand.
An unusually casual gesture for
Someone you don't know,
But that is when I fell for you.
That's when I was happy
Before I started crying.
The crying came later.
The crying came the day after
You told me I was the only one for you,
That you couldn't be without me.
And I believed you.
The crying came the day you ripped
My heart out of my chest and carried
It with you as you walked away.
And you have still never returned it.
Am I alright?
No, I don't think so.
I'm not sure if I ever was.
I told you how I loved you before
You left, but you didn't care.
And you don't now.
A Moment Beyond JudgmentEvery day sat under the beating eyes of judgmentA Moment Beyond Judgment10 months ago in Free Verse More Like This
Every minor motion made with question and caution
Every breath, sneeze, and cough made quiet
Suffocating when someone looks
Throat clenching when they laugh
Their whispers and sideways glances closing in
Yet so much is merely in my head.
Then a day with thoughts set free
No, not a day, a moment
A moment of no worry
No clouded constricting thoughts
I know not for never before had I been such way
But there was one moment
When the world brightened
And mind held no concern toward judgment
It was a moment of freedom.
In a room filled with people
Yet there was no suffocation
As if thick air gave way to cool breath
And bitten lip curled to white smile
A gesture normally façade
If only there were more.