True Love: A Painted Myth?Forgive me if I intrude,
If I'm a little bold,
I've always been a little odd,
From all that I've been told
But something about the way you smile,
Something about the way you trust,
Good Lord, send me a soul to love,
And forget this useless lust
So many tiring hours spent,
Looking for his name
Trying to find a hint,
If he's still the same
I could have been the secret girl,
Chosen at a whim,
I threw my heart at his chest,
But still, I did choose him
I don't know what is real anymore,
My mind does war against me,
Somehow I must get the patience,
To tame the visions that taint me.
So please forgive me if I'm odd,
My heart is just too hopeless to worry with,
But also because I am scared,
That true love is just a painted myth.
The Bitter Nightmare/Too Heavy A BurdenRusted daggers flung from their tongues,The Bitter Nightmare/Too Heavy A Burden3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Deep, infected scars reopened,
Tear away the skin above my breast,
And witness my heart's weak thrum.
You, you have made it so,
You poisoned it with your truthful tonic,
Your tampered quotes and encrypted sneers,
Do not twine the needle deeper,
Fling your hair through the seeping blood,
Paint the canvas of my years,
Falling from the chasm's edge,
Releasing my mind from the bitter nightmare,
I watch the sun comb its way through the trees,
And struggle to stand against the bars of home,
My hands and feet chained, a dusty cloth between my teeth,
I wait for the warden's glance,
That moment of fated chance,
Do not tempt me, mad suitor,
I am too heavy a burden for any soul.
Juliet's Curse,My Own...Music used to be my aideJuliet's Curse,My Own...3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Now it only makes it worse...
A star-crossed lover by trade,
This longing heart a curse
How is it possible to feel this much pain
To go to sleep crying his name,
Someone please, I'm begging you,
Tear out my heart, stitch up the skin.
It's like a venomous hole burning through my lungs,
A boiling thrum through my veins,
Hot tears cool my skin, and taint my tired lips,
I'm begging you, tell me the cure
Where is the cure that Juliet swallowed?
What is the potion that let her sleep?
And did she feel like me .
I'm begging someone, anyone,
To tell me how how to breathe and sleep again,
Because even though I've tried, and tried
The infection is still devouring my soul,
And forbidding me to let go .
My Label/ Hi, My Name Is...Sometimes I think I need to wear a label,My Label/ Hi, My Name Is...3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
That will tell you what is wrong with me
"Hi, My Name Is:
Easily loving, falls to quickly, doesn't know when to stop, tries her best but can't succeed, and only wants to hold someone's hand to feel that hand on her shoulder when she cries "
The ink would be smudged across as if written in haste, a couple letters bolded in spots as if trying to fix a mistake So many mistakes
The edges would be peeling as if to forget I ever existed all together
Sometimes, I think I need to wear a warning
So you will know ahead of time that I'm too broken to repair too lost to be found too hurt to heal and pretend to smile, often .
So that when you don't like what you read, I can just tear it away, and write another
But no matter what I try, my name is always the same .
Uncertainty and DoubtDoes anyone else stand at the edge of the stair and look down,Uncertainty and Doubt3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
wondering what it would feel like to never know how far the next step is?
As if you could walk blindly, and fall, sink, down into an un-foretold reality,
Lose yourself in chaos, the bitter chilled unknown
I stand here now on the edge of porcelain stairs,
Peeking downward through my ebony lashes,
I feel a grip in my spirit,
A sickening wave of dizziness rolls over me,
Knocking me back, nudging doubt deeper into my skin like a poisonous shard.
"Do I step forward? Or do I wait in this haunting pain "
Biting my lip, wringing my hands, my blood dancing loudly,
I realize my future can only improve from my past,
I have to take these chances,
And play my best bet.
Gripping the glassy banister,
I steal a severed breath,
I Won't Exist...I sit here on a sunken bed,I Won't Exist...3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Surrounded by bright, meaningless colors,
The room itself numbed by patterns and details,
So many treasures,
So many "important" awards, trophies,
So many perfectly stacked books,
So many perfectly arranged pictures of a perfectly posing girl,
All of it means nothing, NOTHING!!!
And yet everything
Every little freaking thing in this little freaking room,
Is a part, a piece, a puzzle,
Of my existence All of this is me as I exist in their eyes .
Sometimes I just want to sweep my arm across the dresser,
Throw everything to the floor,
Watch the cheap perfume bottles shatter, sending hazy fumes into the air.
Sometimes, I just want to stab a knife through the paintings,
ripping straight down and leave the canvas flying.
Breaking all the sculptures, decided I won't exist anymore.
Sometimes, I just really want to break these windows I sleep by,
And slip my pale legs through the shattered glass.
I want to hold the match and let it lick my finger,
My Morning BattleI look in the mirror,My Morning Battle3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Apply that last bit of eye make-up
Twist the brush,
Swoop the glittery powder
Standing back and smiling,
My reflection retorts .distorts
I hear a hiss in my ear,
"Look at you, you love every person who talks to you... so pathetic so naiive so trusting ..such a fool."
I close my eyes tightly, I grip the edge of the counter, my knuckles white.
"Look at you, you don't know when to stop do you?.....so eager so loving so innocent such a fool."
I bite my lip and refuse to look at her,
This hissing demoness who resides behind my eyes my dark brown eyes .
"Look at me!" she exclaims, "I will protect you, foolish girl,"
She fans around me like a cloth of smoke,
"I will protect your foolish heart, and never let anyone touch it again .you bruis
Please....Just....Look At Me NowThis feeling in my heart thickens and festers,Please....Just....Look At Me Now3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
An old wound, aggravated by time and fear,
Doubt, and hopelessness
All I need is to hear your words again,
They were once the only ones that could comfort me
Now, it's like I'm the hopeful child waiting for a miracle
Why have you abandoned me so
What reason will you claim, if you ever take notice again
But I am afraid.
I am afraid of myself
Because I know the longer I am confused,
The longer I am lost, broken, abandoned, forgotten,
The more resentful my blood becomes .
And the wound becomes infected with all the doubts,
All the worrying, the panicking, the stress
And I don't know what to do .
Are you telling me to let my heart release you?
You just don't know, do you?
You just don't know
Haunted Fields of IndigoWhy do I find myself wandering these haunted fields,Haunted Fields of Indigo3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Following a shadow of a spirit...
Pulled by the barbed wire wrapped around my throat,
and the poison threatening my blood....
Desperate glances behind, remind me,
that I can't help the way I feel...
But why do I find my self confessing my heart's true song,
To a moon that will never hear...
Here I am, my knees bloodied and torn in the dried, tarnished straw,
I can only imagine the luscious taste of sweet moon's light...
But here I am, bound by my love, bound for all eternity,
my love for those who cannot return it to me...
I will never find my way,
out of these haunted fields of indigo.
Memories Between the BooksOpen the doors,Memories Between the Books3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
The soft click of the metal lever,
The once soothing silence of the room is now suffocating.
Each step towards the shelves,
I hear only my quickened heartbeat,
And my shallow breath.
Dragging my fingers along the worn wooden shelving,
Letting my skin dance with every glimpse of his face,
I can't see what's in front of me,
I'm looking into the past
When we sat there, and there, and in-between here with our favorite words
And so much more
I never thought it would be this hard,
Each and every step,
The slow, prolonged placement of my shoes on carpeted memories,
Like a movie scene,
Flashing before my eyes.
No, my friend, I'm not grumpy,
I'm trying to be fine
Please do not worry for me
I will learn how eventually
How Dare The FoolSpitting hate burning my tongue,How Dare The Fool3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Clenched fists believing in ghostly strength,
Nails biting pinked crescents into my palms,
The anger stirs and tenses,
She gathers her energy from behind my eyes,
Tinting everything red and hazy….
My head tilts forward,
My eyes singe any unfaithful soul in my sight,
And I feel my teeth grind,
My voice carrying hateful, malicious words of revenge, retorting and twisting every misdirected phrase,
Clawing the air with electrifying negativity…
How dare he,
How dare he,
How DARE he say such things to my kin, my family…
Taking short, unfulfilling breaths,
I raise my gaze to search the crowd of unconcerned idiocy,
And see the crown of my treasured human…
Somewhere beneath this crimson haze,
I hear the slow chant, "Kyubbi, Kyubbi, Kyubbi….I need...him…"
His name circles my mind uneasily,
And the voice of the fool draws back my insanity,
Instantly I have left, and she takes over again….
This anger overcomes me, my skin shaking and hurting,
Her frustration is so
Was It All A Lie?The funny thing is,Was It All A Lie?4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
You can walk past me
And totally ignore me
Acting like I don't exist
Without an inch of guilt in your black heart
After all the things we have been through
After all the times we have been there for each other
And you act like it never happened
The funny thing is,
You can look in the mirror
Thinking you're the best
Thinking you are too good for everyone
After all the things I have done for you
After all the things we have put each other through
Through thick and thin
And totally forget that I was once in your life
That you needed me
That you loved me
It's like you're a totally different person,
In a totally different universe,
You don't know me anymore,
You don't want to know me anymore,
You don't love me anymore,
So please tell me this,
Did you ever love me,
Or was that just another lie you told me?
Was it all a lie?
Whisper to MeWhisper to me in my hair,Whisper to Me3 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
Tell me if you're real,
Tell me all the sacred things,
I never thought I'd feel.
Whisper to me in my neck,
Tell me if I'm sane,
Tell me that you miss me,
And you'll hold my hand again.
Whisper to me in my back,
Tell me our love remained,
Tell me that you still care,
And your heart, my words have stained.
Strong Enough...A shivering breath,Strong Enough...3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
A chill on the skin,
The continuous twittering of the southern crickets,
And a little girl, curled in her bed.
Just a little brown-headed girl,
All tucked in without a care,
Her dreams take her across the world and under the sea,
With Disney-fied promises of true love and happy endings.
How simple it really was,
Back before that girl became me
She used to fantasize and dream during both turns of the Sun,
And never feared anything or anyone.
She loved both her mother and her father,
Her little baby sister and her pups and kittens,
She loved everything.
She knew nothing.
That little brown-headed girl never knew her mother's bitter heart as well as I do now,
And she never knew her sister would change,
She never knew her father would nearly work himself to death each night,
And she didn't know that money controlled the world.
She never knew that she'd be criticized for her body by others,
For her mind and spirit by her own blood-kin,
She never knew that one day, s
A Mother's HateWhat am I to do?A Mother's Hate3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Other than silently scream,
Crying tears poisoned by your hate,
And holding my hands so tight my fingers ache?
What am I to do?
When you twist my words to make them disrespectful,
When you claim I'm stupid and naïve, retarded and clueless,
And the only blood-sister I have spits out your own insults as she pleases?
What am I to do?
Other than hide online and secretly write my thoughts,
Shaking my head and staring off into space,
Standing there as you rant on and on .and on .?
What am I to do?
When you tell me you want me out,
And that you can't wait until the world ruins me?
Ruins me until I turn into you?
What am I to do?
Other than hide in my room,
Surrounded by pointless treasures .
Shadowed paintings and dusty sculptures
What am I to do?
When you made me feel like this before,
Nothing mattered anymore .
And I only felt the pain that comes from a mother's hate.
The Nocturnal DriveThe smooth dark silk splits,The Nocturnal Drive3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Highlighted by stars on silver straws,
Casting a haunting glow down upon the worn gravel,
As insatiable shadows grovel past.
The sky above is painted with ornamented denim,
The moon, an ivory button,
Polished but forgotten on its dusty shelf.
The music of ages passes through the muggy air,
The muffled thrum of cycling onyx rings,
And the feeling of emptiness,
Gliding like a nocturnal demoness,
My eyes, cold and translucent, stare ahead and watch the world blur.
I could spend an eternity in this softened throne,
Enjoying the simplicity of the sweet darkness,
Of a long drive at night.
I'm Not Pretty, I'm MeSometimes when I walk by a crowd,I'm Not Pretty, I'm Me3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
A random person,
I get this vibe .
And when I look out of the corner of my eye,
I see them looking at me.
The guys give me this look,
And I don't understand.
Is there something wrong with my outfit?
Is there bird crap on my jacket,
Or a stain on my jeans?
Why are you looking at me?
It startles me every time
I'm nothing special to look at,
So please don't give me that look .
My sister says, "You're pretty " when I brush my hair in the mirror
But, really, I always think they're criticizing me...
Judging my ever move...
I look at my reflection and what do I see?
I see blotchy skin and a too pointy nose
Thin lips and puffy cheeks
Thin, dry hair with different colorings left behind .
What is there to be pretty?
What is pretty?
What do they see?
They don't even know me
I just don't see what they see....
You'll Never Catch MeThere,You'll Never Catch Me3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
In the center of the prison,
Sways a starved young woman.
She drifts side to side,
Swinging from her rusted manacles.
"You'll never catch me, my dears," she sings,
"You'll never capture my soul,"
"As long as I still breathe, my dears,"
"My spirit will be whole!"
She chuckles and sighs,
Tears in her eyes,
Staining her irises red,
This acrobatic game she plays,
Fills her veins with lead.
"I will stay here, however long, and you will never see,"
"I can sing, here, in my cell,"
"But, my dears, you'll never catch me!"
Becoming AirSometimes,Becoming Air3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
When I sit still long enough,
I start to feel like I'm not attached to my own skin.
I start to feel like a fish in a bowl,
Swaying side to side,
My skin just a husk, a container, a restraint.
But when I give into this feeling,
It's like my skin melts away,
I become air,
Colored into the sunset's aura,
Stretched through the veins of the summer's leaves,
Flying across every shadow, every glimmer.
It's like my own magic,
My special moment to escape.
Sometimes it happens and I am called back to reality,
Sometimes, I find my way back on my own.
But every time after, I smile,
Because I relearned something I already knew,
I recognized something remarkable in the ordinary,
And I find the true treasures of the day.
Insane? Sure, if you don't understand,
Drugs? Never touched them in my life,
But let me tell you this, there is nothing like becoming air.
There is nothing like it in the world.
And every moment spent in reality,
My spirit longs to be free exploring what it's already seen.
The Shower's TherapyLetting the skins drape to the floor,The Shower's Therapy3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I reveal my body to the chilled sliding glass,
Stepping away from a mottled brown door,
The sudden sound of rain across tile soothes my ears.
Each step across the icy floor, over into the light blue haven,
A breath, a gasp, the warmth of each droplet slicing my skin, my blood spreading,
My hair loops down across my shoulders,
Like silken chords of brunette hues shining,
I watch as the water slides down the ropes, and dances off into the air before thinning below,
Slowly, I'm shaking,
My breath too shallow, backing up, clearing my eyes,
I lay against the stones and let the rain envelop me.
I forget everything and listen to it rush past my ears.
I watch as it decorates my pale skin with peach dew drops,
And I envy...
I close my eyes and let this constant pounding of the shower beat down on my back,
My nerves begin to dull and I feel rocked to sleep,
tucked in by the coolness of the tiles below my legs...
When I try to stand again, in fear of sitting
I'm Not Ready to Let GoYour fingertips carve melodies into my songbird skin,I'm Not Ready to Let Go3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
carbonizing my charcoal bones
so I can write sonnets on the sidewalk
with the ends of my chalky joints.
Oh how your grazing hands
Your propane eyes
burn me up,
your toothy smile
ties me down.
I hold my breath
because these moments are fragile
as they are finite,
and I close my eyes
because love shouldn't be this ugly
or this hard to find.
The Letter My Parents Will Never ReadThe words just slip through my teeth, now,The Letter My Parents Will Never Read3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
They dance out of my throat and coat my tongue,
"I don't like that anymore"
"I'm still the same person"
"I'm not mad at you"
I've gotten so good at lying, now,
I sometimes can't tell when even I'm telling the truth.
"Sure, everything's good"
"See? I'm smiling"
"I haven't had my first kiss"
You know what?
I'm not fine.
I have to hide my heart from my own parents because they don't understand.
I have to pretend that I'm mad at him and have "repented from my ways".
But in reality, I wait to read his words online,
I see his pictures,
I've kept the notes we wrote to each other in secret,
I'm in pain.
I'm hurt and full of longing to see him again,
Because you wouldn't let me be with him for the most idiotic reason,
Part of me hates you,
Part of me loves you,
Part of me is angry and spitting fire,
Part of me is hurt and bleeding.
And the more that you both pretend that ever
This EndingThe writing becomes scribblesThis Ending3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
The pen runs dry of ink
A song isn't written
A story isn't read
My words begin to fail me
My thoughts have become dead
The Clockwork Doll's ReflectionThe clockwork doll stumbles home,The Clockwork Doll's Reflection3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
She cries oil on her bed,
Falling to the floor she splits her side,
And pulls out her broken heart.
It's large but rusted,
Hardened and dark,
Thorns have grown around it,
A weed with one red bud.
Gasping she fingers the bud,
Its beauty precious and young,
How can something so beautiful,
Bring so much torment and pain?
Placing her heart back in her chest,
She seals the seams and stands,
In the mirror, a human girl cries,
Her brown hair draping down across her arms.
Around her on the floor,
Are scattered papers and sketches.
Swinging from her hand,
Is a ring on a cord.
The clockwork doll steps towards the mirror,
And places her silver hand on the glass,
From inside the mirror,
The human girl sniffs, and sighs,
Smiling up at her half-heartedly,