Suicide or Tea?Should I kill myself or have a cup of tea?
I decide on the latter and I'm not sure why. Probably because I can. Life is a never-ending scroll of be-goods, be-happies, be-in-controls, be-okays, be-strongs and be-appreciatives. So what's another day?
Just another day closer to death.
Still, life seems incredibly long, don't you think? So long, it's hard to see the end and nearly impossible to touch even with a knife in my hand that could easily skewer my heart, make it squirm and still like a dying nightingale sealing its death with a pathetic squeal of almost-song.
Life is pain and people in pain are a pain in the ass. Perhaps occasionally or perhaps frequently, they think "Why not just kill myself? Life is hell, anyway. No hell after life could be worse than this."
But they're wrong. The worst is never the worst because things can always get worse and maybe that's why I decided to stick with the chamomile tea. That or I feel tea-sipping is reason to live.
I bet you cut"I bet you cut yourself," he says and it takesI bet you cut2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
All of me and more, and there is nothing to take. I laugh
and cry a little inside. Die a little more and smile
"Of course not."
He stares at me and it's like one of those dreams where you're
Naked and I want to shove my guts in my mouth and burn in Heaven,
rip my scalpel through my thigh, throw my skull at a window and let the
Pain in my body overwhelm the pain in my heart.
"I'm joking," he says and I think I should feel bad for him, instead I
Hate him a little. He's grinning and I think about how I'd love to
Carve his face into the Joker.
"I know," I say and I hate myself a little, too.
He's gone back to me, front to his friends
and you'd think this was to become a nice old love story but
Happy endings only happen in books.
"I do," I whisper and I laugh because it sounds like a wedding vow and I
don't think I'll marry and I don't think I can. I'm scarred and eventually
my scars will have scars
and there will be no amoun
They say beauty is only skin deep,so hand over that defected scalpel in your bloodless handsThey say beauty is only skin deep,1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
and watch carefully as I peel away this tainted skin
to make way for my blackened and corrupted
And everyone can finally see
the grotesque monster that lies deep within
this soiled excuse they seem to enjoy calling
If beauty is in the eye of the beholder,
then why is it that I can't stand
gazing upon my reflection
every time I pass by a mirror?
But I Love Him"I love you," he says. I look at him through the hazy mist of tobacco. I rub the lit embers into my leg, making it flicker and evaporate. The perfectly horrible sting makes me flinch.But I Love Him2 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
"Really?" I ask.
I roll my tongue in my mouth and keep my gaze on his blue eyes. "What do you want?"
"Ecstasy." His lips are on mine and I'm on autopilot. Suck. Nibble. Swirl tongue. Touch.
Ecstasy might mean sex for some couples but that isn't what he wants. That comes after. When he's so in love with life, he'll fuck anyone.
"Come on," he whines after I push him softly away. Softly, because if I push too hard, I might think I'm angry.
Angry that he's an asshole who doesn't really love me and angry that I'd even think that.Of course he loves me. But if my body feels angry, my head will, too. "You're rich. You can get some."
"My father's rich and he hasn't visited in ages."
"So you visit him." I rub the cigarette harder against my thigh, digging a hole and failing to
SurrealismThree a.m., andSurrealism1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
God is in my bathtub
a freshwater moon
in the mother-of-pearl sky.
Do Not SmileWould you agreeDo Not Smile11 months ago in Free Verse More Like This
that the most beautiful smiles
harbor the deepest pain?
August Lover,I want to wrap myself in your air,August Lover,1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
hold your secrets between my
ribcage-embrace & just
It Is (Depression)It is a shroud of black velvet.It Is (Depression)1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
It is the violent ocean in the dead of night.
It is the monster in the shadows; the Vashta Nerada.
It is the final crash of symbols in Carmina Burana.
It is impossible to lift.
it is impossible to breathe.
It is impossible to see.
It is the only thing that can be heard.
It is why the stars disappear at night.
It is why every light drifts by without stopping.
It is why the gnawing starts and never ceases.
It is why nothing else matters in the end.
It is my disease.
It is my disability.
It is my misfortune.
It is my death sentence.
Think again.If you think death can't be beaten, you're not trying hard enough,Think again.1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
If you think nothing is eternal, then you've never felt true love.
If you want me to help you, and I tell you to help yourself,
You would think me rude, but some things I just can't tell you myself.
You live and you learn, and you have to live these things,
Empiricism is the only way to know how a nightingale sings.
You must know it for yourself, some things cannot be taught,
When you learn, you must adapt and change what you once thought.
My friend, it is not that I want to keep the knowledge to myself,
It is that I cannot tell you, for some things you must learn yourself.
I cannot tell you what beauty is, for it is everchanging for all of us,
I cannot tell you what is bad or good, for the knowledge is within us.
If I could tell you, I gladly would, if I could put these concepts into words,
But I cannot, so you must live and learn, no matter how much it hurts.
So now it is time,
we all jumped out of our skins and into the seai jumped and i fell and i expected there to be something at the bottom to catch me,we all jumped out of our skins and into the sea2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
cradle me like an infant's bones
but there was nothing.
only the cold ocean floor which
caved under the stress:
I am unfit even for these warmthless arms.
kelp rejects me,
i slide through tendrils of octopus without pause
the salt water will not buoy my limbs,
I cannot breathe:
I am alive but depraved:
swimming does not come naturally
forget what they said about witches.
storyThis is how the story starts.story2 years ago in Flash Fiction & Vignettes More Like This
You play the song the nice girl who lives across the river was kind enough to send you, never quite wrapping your mind around just how beautiful it is and how she was able to compose it in one day as it repeats for the fifth time in an hour. There is such beauty in these two minutes; such sadness. You wonder how it must have felt, sitting in a room alone, composing such a melody.
This is your family's lucky day. It was on a Friday the thirteenth that your grandfather was born, and it has been a day of good cheer for the clan ever since. You think of everyone's broken Irish smile and realize that it has been a week since the twelfth anniversary of your grandfather's death. You miss him.
You are alone in your two-story house of cards. It has been two weeks since you have heard from your best friend. You stare blankly at the phone from time to time, but know deep-down he will not call. No one has called you this week except for a friend's ex-girlfriend, askin
skinningi rip my flesh on your field trapsskinning2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
like i am made of clouds,
soundless, eyeless breath of atmosphere
coating a vascular system dyed bird-blue,
i open like dusk, spilling
celestial insides open from a navy organ,
bleeding darkly in the half-light.
when you look up, i expect
i am all you see, and that is wrong of me.
my sisters flicker in the black grass, reflecting the heavens.
the landscape of your words
is only as strange to me as i perceive it;
the caves and tunnels blotted out, the open sores
on the map.
i feel that i am prey, but you
are only a collector,
a blind man
picking up my bones with the sharp edge of your cane.
what looks like a cage is only the
pearly lattice of your words,
the deep comfort seated
in the alleys between your freckles.
your traps are only my memories,
sealing my legs in their jaws. i peer up at you, round eyes
filled with coils of unknowing,
the strange serpents
with poisons that eat time,
Dear friend,You have to understand, dearDear friend,9 months ago in Free Verse More Like This
The reason to why I run.
I run away from reality
From the lungs that cannot
Take anymore smoke
From the heart that threatens to
I run away because
I'm a coward
Because I'm afraid of life
Afraid to care or love.
I'm afraid that every time
I'm glad it blows up in my face
And that every time I smile
I shed a million more tears.
That's why I run, dear
You have to understand.
I was destined to be a fighter but
I don't want to fight anymore.
I was destined to be a warrior
But how am I supposed to win when
The war I fight is against life itself?
I know that I always blow everything up but-
I keep stepping on mines, dear...
...I keep stepping on mines...
BloodI've got a filthy mouth,Blood1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
& a house of stars
thriving in my throat.
& I still have yet to tame
this grounded constellation
I call my temple. -Slithering
tongue hissing too many
"fuck you's" against my teeth.
I fear I will write myself hollow-
or until my bones are corroded away
& I am nothing-
an insignificant nebula
orbiting the wrong atmosphere.
But, my veins bleed sweet ichor,
& words are only words, Mother.
Kiss me.There's something in the pale placid blue of your eyesKiss me.2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Watching grey tendrils fade into a dark night
As they leap from the soft red embers
Perched at the end of an off brand cigarette.
"Everyone wants to be beautiful," you say,
Letting the words drip from the tarnished silver of your tongue
And slide down the makeup caked on your jaw
To lie in pools like nightsoil on street corners
Stiffened by winter winds and carelessness.
"You are beautiful," I say,
But the words ring a haunting hollow,
A single breath in a stillborn sea of wasted breaths,
Some shining schoolgirl promise
After a dozen deafened seasons have spun each other round.
in our minds we rot.my lips taste like soot.in our minds we rot.5 months ago in Free Verse More Like This
i realize that we
are nothing but hell-brought fire,
the seven deadly sins
(you be lust, i'll be pride)
and a mess of upside down picture frames.
my teacher once told me
that most writers are introverts;
we drink in the world
and spew it back in ink and titles.
we tattoo words
across the inside of our eyelids--
but somewhere in the process
i must have drawn you
inside the convex of my irises,
because all i can think about
is your wind-shaken frame
flames licking across your hips.
you turn black
beneath my hands.
i can't write about that.
tree, fiddler crabIt took days to hollow out the soft partstree, fiddler crab1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
of the trunk, dig out the tree-flesh and sap,
polish the raw wood so that when he sat,
there would be no splinters. He carved his name
into the side, like a blessing, a declaration
of good fortune, and stowed his forest inside.
Dear once lover.You stole my confidence, you took it like you owned it, you smothered it in neglect, and you threw it, in the black hole of your absence.Dear once lover.11 months ago in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
You used my patience, you smoked it like a drug, you took advantage of my presence, you evaporated us into nothing.
You decapitated our relationship, you cut it at the root, you shook out all the good, and threw the body into your subconscious.
You cut up my affections, you stored them in your selfishness, and turned them to dust.
You broke my heart. You took it, in your hands, you tore it into two, it turned cold as ice, & you shattered it across my future with you.
You shocked me to the core, a surreality I long to never feel again, as the abundance of my tears was enough to drown me, suffocate me, into an eternal river of agony, that my memories of us will float upon.
You deceived me beyond repair, I thought you would hold me through the hard times, instead you trampled on my pride, you flattened my hope, you destroyed the love I had for you, kiss
Coffee StainsDress shoes click on the streets laid slick with cinnamon and wasted airCoffee Stains2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
It's sugar on your lipstick, darling; a dangerous affair.
You chose coffee
Like you chose romance
Just for the idea of romance; cream and smoked wood swirling around in your cup,
And steam curling up into the atmosphere like the locks in his hair.
Tantalisingly dark and hauntingly aromatic
You craved it
You mocked the raven that eyed you from its branch out in the blustering courtyard and
You didn't even like the taste.
The silver curve of the teaspoon showed your warped reflection like a deathly omen
It showed the line of your neck and each glittering pearl
The hanging clock on the wall, for all its carved hearts and varnished oak
Couldn't quite drown out the tolling
Pendulum swinging by your ear as you ran your hand along the creases in the leather seat
The sweet, too-strong perfume mingling with the scent of the
Dark black coffee
Much as the gold around his wrist had
We're DeadMommy screams. Loud, agonizing, tortured cries. She pounds her head on the steering wheel like a heavy metal concert guitarist except this isn't a stage and she can't play any instruments.We're Dead1 year ago in Emotional More Like This
This isn't a performance and I'm going to die.
"I'll kill us both!" she pulls my hair. Pulls it to the driver's side and I think my head will come off and I'm afraid it won't.
"We can die together!" and I don't think this suicide pact is optional.
She lets go of my hair and I'm crying. My 9-year-old body folds into itself and I don't want to die this way. I imagine our shattered car with its shattered people embedded in an innocent lamppost and I don't want to die but I know I will.
"Nobody loves me. You don't love me. We might as well die now!" Her throat is raw. Broken like every other part of her. Her roars are louder than anything any human should be able to make and the car is flying, flying over the road.
I'm crying like a child with horrible, hyperventilating tears. It's the kind of crying tha
Last night,I broke every bone in my bodyLast night,11 months ago in Free Verse More Like This
so I could have a reason to drown
in the isolated ocean inside me.
when my dilapidated lungs finally caved in,
I swam ashore and crawled across the polluted sand.
Only glass-edged skin
and salt-licked eyelashes
can help me now.
I think you left a piece of you in me.This tangled mess you call a heart,I think you left a piece of you in me.1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
daisy veins & sin;
She's bringing me down.
& you were merely shivering
pressing winter bones
against my sun-stricken mouth,
darkness searching for a home
buried in my lungs.
You whispered breathe me
lovely in the inhale/exhale
of carbon dioxide suicide.
She speaks only of you now,
lonely & mourning beats-
Crack open this damn ribcage;