The Bitter Nightmare/Too Heavy A BurdenRusted daggers flung from their tongues,
Deep, infected scars reopened,
Tear away the skin above my breast,
And witness my heart's weak thrum.
You, you have made it so,
You poisoned it with your truthful tonic,
Your tampered quotes and encrypted sneers,
Do not twine the needle deeper,
Fling your hair through the seeping blood,
Paint the canvas of my years,
Falling from the chasm's edge,
Releasing my mind from the bitter nightmare,
I watch the sun comb its way through the trees,
And struggle to stand against the bars of home,
My hands and feet chained, a dusty cloth between my teeth,
I wait for the warden's glance,
That moment of fated chance,
Do not tempt me, mad suitor,
I am too heavy a burden for any soul.
I Won't Exist...I sit here on a sunken bed,I Won't Exist...2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Surrounded by bright, meaningless colors,
The room itself numbed by patterns and details,
So many treasures,
So many "important" awards, trophies,
So many perfectly stacked books,
So many perfectly arranged pictures of a perfectly posing girl,
All of it means nothing, NOTHING!!!
And yet everything
Every little freaking thing in this little freaking room,
Is a part, a piece, a puzzle,
Of my existence All of this is me as I exist in their eyes .
Sometimes I just want to sweep my arm across the dresser,
Throw everything to the floor,
Watch the cheap perfume bottles shatter, sending hazy fumes into the air.
Sometimes, I just want to stab a knife through the paintings,
ripping straight down and leave the canvas flying.
Breaking all the sculptures, decided I won't exist anymore.
Sometimes, I just really want to break these windows I sleep by,
And slip my pale legs through the shattered glass.
I want to hold the match and let it lick my finger,
True Love: A Painted Myth?Forgive me if I intrude,True Love: A Painted Myth?2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
If I'm a little bold,
I've always been a little odd,
From all that I've been told
But something about the way you smile,
Something about the way you trust,
Good Lord, send me a soul to love,
And forget this useless lust
So many tiring hours spent,
Looking for his name
Trying to find a hint,
If he's still the same
I could have been the secret girl,
Chosen at a whim,
I threw my heart at his chest,
But still, I did choose him
I don't know what is real anymore,
My mind does war against me,
Somehow I must get the patience,
To tame the visions that taint me.
So please forgive me if I'm odd,
My heart is just too hopeless to worry with,
But also because I am scared,
That true love is just a painted myth.
My Label/ Hi, My Name Is...Sometimes I think I need to wear a label,My Label/ Hi, My Name Is...2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
That will tell you what is wrong with me
"Hi, My Name Is:
Easily loving, falls to quickly, doesn't know when to stop, tries her best but can't succeed, and only wants to hold someone's hand to feel that hand on her shoulder when she cries "
The ink would be smudged across as if written in haste, a couple letters bolded in spots as if trying to fix a mistake So many mistakes
The edges would be peeling as if to forget I ever existed all together
Sometimes, I think I need to wear a warning
So you will know ahead of time that I'm too broken to repair too lost to be found too hurt to heal and pretend to smile, often .
So that when you don't like what you read, I can just tear it away, and write another
But no matter what I try, my name is always the same .
Strong Enough...A shivering breath,Strong Enough...2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
A chill on the skin,
The continuous twittering of the southern crickets,
And a little girl, curled in her bed.
Just a little brown-headed girl,
All tucked in without a care,
Her dreams take her across the world and under the sea,
With Disney-fied promises of true love and happy endings.
How simple it really was,
Back before that girl became me
She used to fantasize and dream during both turns of the Sun,
And never feared anything or anyone.
She loved both her mother and her father,
Her little baby sister and her pups and kittens,
She loved everything.
She knew nothing.
That little brown-headed girl never knew her mother's bitter heart as well as I do now,
And she never knew her sister would change,
She never knew her father would nearly work himself to death each night,
And she didn't know that money controlled the world.
She never knew that she'd be criticized for her body by others,
For her mind and spirit by her own blood-kin,
She never knew that one day, s
The Clockwork Doll's ReflectionThe clockwork doll stumbles home,The Clockwork Doll's Reflection2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
She cries oil on her bed,
Falling to the floor she splits her side,
And pulls out her broken heart.
It's large but rusted,
Hardened and dark,
Thorns have grown around it,
A weed with one red bud.
Gasping she fingers the bud,
Its beauty precious and young,
How can something so beautiful,
Bring so much torment and pain?
Placing her heart back in her chest,
She seals the seams and stands,
In the mirror, a human girl cries,
Her brown hair draping down across her arms.
Around her on the floor,
Are scattered papers and sketches.
Swinging from her hand,
Is a ring on a cord.
The clockwork doll steps towards the mirror,
And places her silver hand on the glass,
From inside the mirror,
The human girl sniffs, and sighs,
Smiling up at her half-heartedly,
The Letter My Parents Will Never ReadThe words just slip through my teeth, now,The Letter My Parents Will Never Read2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
They dance out of my throat and coat my tongue,
"I don't like that anymore"
"I'm still the same person"
"I'm not mad at you"
I've gotten so good at lying, now,
I sometimes can't tell when even I'm telling the truth.
"Sure, everything's good"
"See? I'm smiling"
"I haven't had my first kiss"
You know what?
I'm not fine.
I have to hide my heart from my own parents because they don't understand.
I have to pretend that I'm mad at him and have "repented from my ways".
But in reality, I wait to read his words online,
I see his pictures,
I've kept the notes we wrote to each other in secret,
I'm in pain.
I'm hurt and full of longing to see him again,
Because you wouldn't let me be with him for the most idiotic reason,
Part of me hates you,
Part of me loves you,
Part of me is angry and spitting fire,
Part of me is hurt and bleeding.
And the more that you both pretend that ever
My Morning BattleI look in the mirror,My Morning Battle2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Apply that last bit of eye make-up
Twist the brush,
Swoop the glittery powder
Standing back and smiling,
My reflection retorts .distorts
I hear a hiss in my ear,
"Look at you, you love every person who talks to you... so pathetic so naiive so trusting ..such a fool."
I close my eyes tightly, I grip the edge of the counter, my knuckles white.
"Look at you, you don't know when to stop do you?.....so eager so loving so innocent such a fool."
I bite my lip and refuse to look at her,
This hissing demoness who resides behind my eyes my dark brown eyes .
"Look at me!" she exclaims, "I will protect you, foolish girl,"
She fans around me like a cloth of smoke,
"I will protect your foolish heart, and never let anyone touch it again .you bruis
You'll Never Catch MeThere,You'll Never Catch Me2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
In the center of the prison,
Sways a starved young woman.
She drifts side to side,
Swinging from her rusted manacles.
"You'll never catch me, my dears," she sings,
"You'll never capture my soul,"
"As long as I still breathe, my dears,"
"My spirit will be whole!"
She chuckles and sighs,
Tears in her eyes,
Staining her irises red,
This acrobatic game she plays,
Fills her veins with lead.
"I will stay here, however long, and you will never see,"
"I can sing, here, in my cell,"
"But, my dears, you'll never catch me!"
Haunted Fields of IndigoWhy do I find myself wandering these haunted fields,Haunted Fields of Indigo2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Following a shadow of a spirit...
Pulled by the barbed wire wrapped around my throat,
and the poison threatening my blood....
Desperate glances behind, remind me,
that I can't help the way I feel...
But why do I find my self confessing my heart's true song,
To a moon that will never hear...
Here I am, my knees bloodied and torn in the dried, tarnished straw,
I can only imagine the luscious taste of sweet moon's light...
But here I am, bound by my love, bound for all eternity,
my love for those who cannot return it to me...
I will never find my way,
out of these haunted fields of indigo.
I'm Not Pretty, I'm MeSometimes when I walk by a crowd,I'm Not Pretty, I'm Me2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
A random person,
I get this vibe .
And when I look out of the corner of my eye,
I see them looking at me.
The guys give me this look,
And I don't understand.
Is there something wrong with my outfit?
Is there bird crap on my jacket,
Or a stain on my jeans?
Why are you looking at me?
It startles me every time
I'm nothing special to look at,
So please don't give me that look .
My sister says, "You're pretty " when I brush my hair in the mirror
But, really, I always think they're criticizing me...
Judging my ever move...
I look at my reflection and what do I see?
I see blotchy skin and a too pointy nose
Thin lips and puffy cheeks
Thin, dry hair with different colorings left behind .
What is there to be pretty?
What is pretty?
What do they see?
They don't even know me
I just don't see what they see....
Whisper to MeWhisper to me in my hair,Whisper to Me2 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
Tell me if you're real,
Tell me all the sacred things,
I never thought I'd feel.
Whisper to me in my neck,
Tell me if I'm sane,
Tell me that you miss me,
And you'll hold my hand again.
Whisper to me in my back,
Tell me our love remained,
Tell me that you still care,
And your heart, my words have stained.
Please....Just....Look At Me NowThis feeling in my heart thickens and festers,Please....Just....Look At Me Now2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
An old wound, aggravated by time and fear,
Doubt, and hopelessness
All I need is to hear your words again,
They were once the only ones that could comfort me
Now, it's like I'm the hopeful child waiting for a miracle
Why have you abandoned me so
What reason will you claim, if you ever take notice again
But I am afraid.
I am afraid of myself
Because I know the longer I am confused,
The longer I am lost, broken, abandoned, forgotten,
The more resentful my blood becomes .
And the wound becomes infected with all the doubts,
All the worrying, the panicking, the stress
And I don't know what to do .
Are you telling me to let my heart release you?
You just don't know, do you?
You just don't know
Stand up, Now!Out the window,Stand up, Now!2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Through the sky,
The dawn ignites my way,
I see across the world's rounded skin,
And cry tears of rain,
For all the pain.
I am trying to call out to you,
"Breathe, Live, Remember!"
But not a single soul is listening,
We are all bound by our own chains of self-disgust and anger.
I will run to you,
Across the lands,
Across the seas.
Raise you up by your shoulders,
"Stand up, Now!"
Wipe your tears,
Shed your skin,
Break your chains,
Let your life begin.
"Now! Stand up, Now!"
Screaming in frustration,
I drain my blood and give a little to you all,
In hopes that you will breathe,
In hopes that you will live,
In hopes that you will remember.
I have spread my blood so thin around the skies,
The dawn is tinted crimson and maroon,
My voice is tired from casting it around the world,
Now it is only the winds' whisper.
My body is so drained and weak,
I lay under the elder maple tree,
My skin translucent and paper-like.
Slowly, a shadow,
Harsh Conversations With Myself"You're doing it again "Harsh Conversations With Myself2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
The annoying voice whispers,
Dry and rough like burnt tree bark
I'm not, not this time. I know, right?
"You're doing it again "
It tickles my ear as I laugh another tear,
Hovering like an invisible wasp intent to sting
I'm not, not ready to. I know, right?
"You're doing it again "
It trickles down my neck, making me shiver,
Excited but frightened, cautious by right
I'm not, not going to. I know, right?
"Don't do it again wary loved girl,
Don't lose yourself to that thrum.
Don't think that you are strong enough,
Because you dance to a louder drum."
I'm not, not really...right?
"Don't think that you can change your fate,
Don't think that you are chosen,
Because you fall harder and faster than others,
It's truly your heart that is poison."
I'm not .am I?
"Don't think that anyone
Life is Short, Love is QuickWhat usually happens when one finds a true love? And I don't mean a soul-mate, twin-flame kind of love, I mean that kind of love that ignites your skin and makes your blood rush with excitement at his/her name? What usually happens? The girl most likely falls for the guy first, in most occasions. Thus, she hides her feelings because it would be considered "improper" or for some other reason. Or perhaps the young man falls for the lass quicker? And he doesn't whisper a word to her in fear of rejection or something else something deeper. Either way, the genders hide their true thoughts of the other because of uncertainty on a matter. And I can't stand this at all.Life is Short, Love is Quick2 years ago in Emotional More Like This
If a man were to love me, in spirit or in blood, I pray that he have enough strength and courage to tell me what he truly thinks of me. I want the truth, not tip-toeing around the subject. And yet, am I not being hypocritical? I have had tons of crushes, as any other human being in this world, and onl
Close My Eyes, Yet There It IsThere's something there that nudges my heart ,Close My Eyes, Yet There It Is2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
It pulls my lips into a smile that I can't control.
There's something there that draws the laughter from my chest,
And centers my attention in a way I haven't felt in a while .
I pull away and shake my head.
Press it against the chilled stone wall.
Close my eyes and remember.
Close my eyes and remember
The pain from before,
The scars left behind,
The reason for the need to escape .
I can't do this not again .
It would probably be best if I locked up my heart,
Muzzled it and tied it up,
Restrained and hidden from the breaking star-light.
Close my eyes and remember
.There there it is again .
Close my eyes and .
There it is, coaxing and gentle
Close my ..
There it is again, reminding me, whispering to me...
What am I to do?
I close my eyes, turn away, remind mys
My Knights of SpiritI smile at the thought that I have knights,My Knights of Spirit2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
The men in my life that care for my being and soul,
One is hot-tempered but gently protective,
Promising a day when he'll cross the oceans to protect me and guide me.
I smile at the thought that I have knights,
The men in my life who have heard my spirit sing,
One is kind, and swore to trials of measure for the sake of my injury,
Always coaxing a laugh from every riddle and answer.
I smile at the thought that I have knights,
The men in my life who worry for me,
It seems that often they become knighted without knowing,
And care about me, despite the distance separating us.
So raise a glass for the knights of my kingdom,
The ones who wait to read my words,
The ones who make me smile when I'm sorrowful,
The ones who make me laugh when it rains,
I raise a glass for them in thanks,
Wishing I could be with them in the flesh,
Rather than spirit.
A Mother's HateWhat am I to do?A Mother's Hate2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Other than silently scream,
Crying tears poisoned by your hate,
And holding my hands so tight my fingers ache?
What am I to do?
When you twist my words to make them disrespectful,
When you claim I'm stupid and naïve, retarded and clueless,
And the only blood-sister I have spits out your own insults as she pleases?
What am I to do?
Other than hide online and secretly write my thoughts,
Shaking my head and staring off into space,
Standing there as you rant on and on .and on .?
What am I to do?
When you tell me you want me out,
And that you can't wait until the world ruins me?
Ruins me until I turn into you?
What am I to do?
Other than hide in my room,
Surrounded by pointless treasures .
Shadowed paintings and dusty sculptures
What am I to do?
When you made me feel like this before,
Nothing mattered anymore .
And I only felt the pain that comes from a mother's hate.
My Inked Dreams of AfternoonsSlowly turning my head,My Inked Dreams of Afternoons2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
The comforting warmth of my sunken bed,
The pouring rain outside monotonous and synchronized,
The softened darkness of my room,
and the sweetened snores of my pug near my leg.
Its as if I am in a web,
a cocoon of soft forgetfulness and dreamy sleep.
Pulling up the blanket to my face,
I block out the cold and shut my eyes one last time,
Thinking about so many things,
So many things at once...
What I want to happen,
What I wish to happen,
Who I want to see,
Who I want to be,
My mind won't quiet down enough for me to sleep again.
and as I start to take a breath,
settling back down into the inked dreams of afternoon,
The alarm sounds across from me and glares 8:00 at me in bright flashing hues.
Slowly reaching out a snooze, and accepting reality once more,
I lift up the laptops lid across from me,
and slowly grasp the true hand of reality in all of your words.
Memories Between the BooksOpen the doors,Memories Between the Books2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
The soft click of the metal lever,
The once soothing silence of the room is now suffocating.
Each step towards the shelves,
I hear only my quickened heartbeat,
And my shallow breath.
Dragging my fingers along the worn wooden shelving,
Letting my skin dance with every glimpse of his face,
I can't see what's in front of me,
I'm looking into the past
When we sat there, and there, and in-between here with our favorite words
And so much more
I never thought it would be this hard,
Each and every step,
The slow, prolonged placement of my shoes on carpeted memories,
Like a movie scene,
Flashing before my eyes.
No, my friend, I'm not grumpy,
I'm trying to be fine
Please do not worry for me
I will learn how eventually
You Amuse MeHow do you amuse me?You Amuse Me2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Simply by being here.
For some reason,
I can't help but smile.
I can't help but enjoy myself when you're around.
I'm smiling again...
You say things that bring out my buried laughter,
You say things that patch up my scarred heart a little bit each day
How do you amuse me?
Simply being here,
And for some reason,
Laughter truly is the cure
So yes, you amuse me,
And please, please don't ever stop
The Shower's TherapyLetting the skins drape to the floor,The Shower's Therapy2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I reveal my body to the chilled sliding glass,
Stepping away from a mottled brown door,
The sudden sound of rain across tile soothes my ears.
Each step across the icy floor, over into the light blue haven,
A breath, a gasp, the warmth of each droplet slicing my skin, my blood spreading,
My hair loops down across my shoulders,
Like silken chords of brunette hues shining,
I watch as the water slides down the ropes, and dances off into the air before thinning below,
Slowly, I'm shaking,
My breath too shallow, backing up, clearing my eyes,
I lay against the stones and let the rain envelop me.
I forget everything and listen to it rush past my ears.
I watch as it decorates my pale skin with peach dew drops,
And I envy...
I close my eyes and let this constant pounding of the shower beat down on my back,
My nerves begin to dull and I feel rocked to sleep,
tucked in by the coolness of the tiles below my legs...
When I try to stand again, in fear of sitting
Tempt Me With WordsWords are luscious and flow off the tongue,Tempt Me With Words2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Tempt me, suitor,
With words of honey and lilac.
With faded parchment and onyx ink,
Slowly seduce me, kind sir,
With words of velvet and flame.
Words are precious and form the souls' essence,
Court me, gentle man,
With literature and good graces.
Words are indefinite and lucid,
Speak my language, hot-blooded spirit,
By softly whispering stanzas in my hair.
Words are eloquent and unique,
Trace sonnets on my skin,
Capture my heart with words.
Stain my blood with poetry,
Heat my heart with haikus,
Make my skin shiver with lyrics,
Capture my attention, soulful man,
By reciting and writing.
Words are thicker written, fair souls,
And they taste of cinnamon and passion,
Tempt me, brave man,
With your words, above all.
Pressure to ChangeIt frightens me truly,Pressure to Change2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
That one last step
It's like leaning toward a chasm,
So deep you can smell the smoke from hell.
"You have to do this, and this, and that"
"You must apply for this, pass this, buy that"
So much pressure,
So little time,
So much expected of me of my talents my mind.
Hold my hand, so that when I jump into the darkness,
I know that you will be there .
Whisper my name, so that when I forget who I am in fear,
I will remember my true spirit's flame.
I do not want to fail,
I cannot disappoint you,
I have to win,
I have to make this look good,
I have to make you proud.
Where does this stress come from?
I know you don't force it on me
When will I be able to accept that it's okay to make mistakes?
And that it's okay to be me?