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Chapter 8: Lost, Alone, and Cold.

-3- < OMFG. IM ALIVE. IM UPDATING. WHERE THE FUCK WAS I? WILL I UPDATE REGULARLY? Prolly not. Sorry for the wait, and for the waiting you’ll be having to do. I’m blanking on this fic, im soo soo soo sorry. But, enjoy this, kay?

:: Disclaimer :: I do not own...Amnesia, Pewdie, or Toby. *pout*
:: Rating :: M
:: Warnings :: Violence, Slash.
:: Pairing :: eventual Pewdiepie/Tobucus
:: Genre :: Romance, Horror, Supernatural (?), Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Friendship.
:: Summary :: ‘A map you seek, your worst nightmare you’ve found. Not a dream to desire. Dusty curtains, move them and shine the light into the great hall.’ The map was interesting, it drew people in, and refused to release them. Pewdie and Toby get suck in the world and fight to get out. Slash, PewBuscus.



If he said it was easier by himself, he would be lying. He was lost.
Not like he wasn’t before, he was hungry, he was lonely. And most of all; He was worried. It was like the longer he was by himself the more guilt swelled inside. If Felix didn’t hate him before, he hated him now. Not only for leaving him but for liking him.
‘…you’re just jealous, you freak.’
He wasn’t even mad. He accepted the fact that he was, in fact, a freak. He liked someone who lived so far away. Someone who he’d never met. Someone who just so happened to be the same sex as him. What would his mother think? His father? His whole family? His friends? What would the Audience think? It crushed him. He began to breath heavy, scared of rejection from the only people he had. He leaned against a wall and tried to even out his breath, breathing slowly. He imagined his family, and friends around him. Giving him comforting hugs and pats. Words and laughs.
It seemed to help. He was breathing normally again, and began to walk to the best of his ability his legs grew heavy suddenly. His eyes burned as well, he hadn’t stopped since he left Felix, it had to a least be a couple days, judging by the light that would come in threw the windows. Which seemed to grow more rare the further he traveled into the castle. He was look for something, anything. Maybe, without realizing, he was looking for someone. He stopped abruptly and glanced back. He couldn’t go back. Not even if he wanted to. He was far from Pewds. The Swede was either rooming the cold, eerie castle, like him, or dead.
‘You don’t like me. You wouldn’t do this if you did.’
Maybe he was right. Maybe Toby was just a self-centered, narcissistic bastard that left his friends to die. Toby’s feet moved foreword and he sighed deeply, he was tired. He wanted rest. No, he needed it. He stretched and decided a break wouldn't kill him. Hopefully. He continued down the corridor. Moving slower as he continued. He hurt, it was painful to keep trying. It was painful to think, to try, to even hope.
He missed the company of the sandy blonde, the smile and the cute little laugh he had.
The warm pats on the shoulder, or the quick hugs. Holding of hands for safety. He missed him, and regretted leaving. Would Pewdiepie forgive him if they met again? Or.. would he be to late. He turned down the hall and stared at a door for a few seconds, with a groan he pushed himself to walk to the door and opened it. Freezing in shock.


Felix collapsed on the bed with a sigh. He’d moved around some, making sure to rest at night. He turned to his side and pulled the blanket around him. He still had a dresser that needed to be moved but he needed these few minutes of relaxation.
He tried hard, very hard, to be mad at Toby. Something inside just wouldn’t let him. If anything he was pissed at himself. Pissed at the fact he let Toby go off by himself, the fact he didn’t try hard enough.
Toby left him.. Toby left him... Toby left HIM.
He was the one deserted, and yet, he felt horrible.
He could just image how Toby was feeling, off somewhere alone, like himself. Toby had to leave him, the guy he..liked. For who knew how long. Or even why? Why did Toby like him? How did he even develop feelings for him? If anything, he should be the one with a crush on Toby. He watched the brunette since he started youtube, he really enjoyed laughing with him and learning from him. And just watching him.
Pewdiepie sighed. That sounded weird. Sounded weird but made sense. He did like Toby, maybe not so much the exact way Toby did. But, he still liked him. And Toby was attractive. He had gorgeous eyes and a gorgeous smile, his fluffy hair was cute along with the dimples on his cheeks. Pewdiepie sighed and sat up, running a hand through his hair. 'Do you care about Marzia? Obviously not.'
He did care, just because he felt frustrated, hopeless, and aggravated didn't make him love Marzia any less. Suddenly there was a thud against the door and Felix froze, staring. The door flew open and  a familiar brunette stumbled inside. He looked up in shock and they stared at each other. "Toby? A-Are you okay?" He stood up and rushed to his side helping him seat in the bed.
Toby sighed, "I, uh, didn't know you were here..." He mumbled, relieved to see Pewds. See him looking alive and perfectly fine.
"You could've known." He felt a grin cross his face as he turned shut the door and dragged a dresser in front of the door. "So.. are you all right?"
"Yeah, yeah.. um, just tired.."
"Oh," Pewds nodded, "Then just rest. I can keep watch."
"Felix, look.."
"No..No, just wait, we can later."
I'm not sure when i'll update again, so sorry guys ;n;

chapter links

chapter 1: [link]
chapter 7: [link]
chapter 9: [link]
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He noticed my attitude changed when she was there. Andy thought it was because I was possibly jealous or protective, funnily enough I was to an extent but I didn't want to tell him. As my best friend I thought he should know about what 'she' was doing behind his back. One day he took me into a different room from where 'she' was, he asked me what my problem was. I tried my best to explain indirectly, it never worked. He knew what I was saying but refused to believe me. I tried to make him understand why he needed him to be wary of her but he walked away.

'She' was there. As placid and proud as she could possibly be. Strolling up and down as if she owned the place. She was on her mobile, giggling at whatever the person on the opposite end was saying. It was quite a flirtatious giggle. I could tell it was that guy again. She ended the call with "Love you too" followed by a short pause then she spoke again "That's naughty I will have to punish you later" then another giggle then she hung up.

Watching Andy's facial expression change from hopeful to hopeless in a matter of seconds was heart breaking. He was my best friend. I had no idea what was going to happen next. He wasn't one for fighting and he loved her so much.

She turned around and found Andy and I looking at her with shame. It was as if she had just ripped out Andy's heart and burned it in front of him. She said it was a friend that was on the phone. I sat on the sofa. I never said anything. I was stuck in the middle of something that had nothing to do with me.

She left blaming everything on poor, helpless Andy. It was always going to be the same.

Before I had a chance to say how sorry I was, he looked at me, a tear slid from his right eye down his cheek, he was apologizing for saying I was wrong and not believing me. He was obviously love blind.

That night I could here him playing music until about 5.30am, I woke up still exhausted from only getting three hours sleep.I walked into the kitchen to find Andy humming and writing something down. I guessed he was writing a song. Maybe he was feeling better after sleeping on it. False. He turned to get something from the fridge, while his back was turned I looked at what he had written. It was really good but it was obvious it was about 'her'. Andy turned around and saw me looking at it, he sat down and never said anything. Five minutes later he snatched the bit of paper from the table and walked away.

He did an acoustic cover of it and posted the video on YouTube and within a week it had one hundred and fifty thousand views. Three years on and he's one of the best rock singers in the world, with the best band. And we'r still best friends. We're a lot closer now obviously and we trust and believe everything that one another has to say.
This is part 2 of the story would love feedback. People have already given me feedback and thankfully its all good. So thank you. In this part it all kicks off. I don't lead it on enough but its a pet hate if a part of a story drags.

Next Part
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An assignment I had to do for my Introduction to Literature class. We had to write an e-mail to someone, recommending to them an Emily Dickinson poem and why.

I chose Dickinson's poem "Because I could not stop for Death" and I was stuck on who to recommend it to, and since the Doctor has been on my mind for some time now, I figured he would actually make a perfect person to read this poem. After all those he's lost, maybe this poem could console him. Plus I figured my teacher would get a kick out of it since she is also a Doctor Who fan. =)

Also if you've read my flash fiction of one of my adventures with the Doctor, you'll understand the name at the end. If you haven't read it it's called "Wasn't Thought Through" [link]

The Doctor (c), BBC
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The sweetest curses are sugar on lips
If I died this evening, you'd find your name
aflame- the words I last shouted in vain
lingering on my tongue like a toxic kiss-
revenge is addicting, venomous pain,
even spent on cries I know are mundane
No fixing up this unholiest tryst,
forged by two fools who believed in their lies;
or maybe it was I, eager for light
even in spite of the flaws I had seen
Can light be fake? Were your twinkling eyes
a mere disguise to make me ignite?
Aflame, in vain, impure light fuels my screams
So, a break from free verse. This is a Petrarchan (learned what that was yesterday...) sonnet. For FFF's contest: [link], and to promote the lovely new group I am a contributor of: #Crowns-of-Sonnets Join if you are a lover of sonnets.

Tell me what you think. It's my first time using a form in a while, hope I'm not rusty.

edit: DLD [link]
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-Aubrey's POV-

"Guys, I need to talk to you!"
Brittany was at a baby appointment. She was four months along now. The rest of us were just hanging around the bus.
"What?" CC said waking up from a nap.
"Brittany's birthday is in two weeks! I want to plan her a party!"
"That's a great idea!" Andy said.
"Where's it going to be?" Jake asked.
"Let's have it after a show and we can surprise her! We can invite like some fans and stuff! A lot of them really like her," I said.
"That's brilliant! She'll never expect it!" Ashley said.
"Let's do it!"
"Is it going to be on her actual birthday?" Jake asked.
"Yes! That'll be our 5 month!" Andy said. I know exactly what to get her!


-Andy's POV-

"How come you've been so distant Ash?"
"I miss Aubrey. I barely have a reason to live anymore. I can't get over her. Seeing her with Jinxx breaks my heart. And Sammi, she keeps calling me. She's been cutting and stuff. She really loves Jinxx."
"Tell Jinxx about Sammi. Maybe he'll realize that he misses her or something."
"Aubrey won't want me," he said quietly.
"You don't know that."
"I do! I cheated! I'm so stupid."
"Ash, it's been months."
"Just leave me alone Andy!" he stood up and walked away.
I lit a cigarette. I thought about Brittany and the baby. She was almost five months along, about four more to go. Halfway there. She was huge for four months. This was only her second baby appointment. It was hard for her to see the doctor with us being on the road.
'I hope she gets her soon,' I thought. 'We've got a show tonight.'
A few minutes later a taxi dropped her off. She walked over and gave me a hug. She looked worried.
"Hi babe, how'd it go?" I patted her head.
"It was good."
"Why do you look so worried?"
"Andy, we're having twins."
"Twins! Baby that's great!" I kissed her.
"Can you handle that?" she asked.
"Of course baby."


"I'll see you after the show angel," I kissed Brittany.
"Good luck baby."
Brittany and Aubrey were watching the show from backstage, as usual. The guys started playing Children Surrender and I walked out. After Children Surrender, we played Die For You.

The writing's on the wall
Your crimson touch is going no where
I'll hang on to every word you said
And sink my teeth into this nightmare

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Ashley collapse. I stopped singing and ran over to him. Girls in the crowd started screaming. CC stopped drumming and ran over too.
"Ashley!" It was Aubrey.
She ran onto the stage and flung her arms around him. Ashley was moaning and holding his side.
"We need a doctor!" CC screamed.
Brittany came out with some paramedics. The put him on a stretcher and carried him out.
Oh no D:

Next: [link]
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As the morning sun found it's way into Katara's bedroom, it's blinding rays doing it's best to bring the Waterbender out of her slumber, she tried equally hard to not let it happen.

She, along with the gang, including her boyfriend, the Avatar, were in the Fire Nation, partly to enjoy the weather and atmosphere, but mostly to attend Council meetings in Fire Lord Zuko's palace.

As the morning sun found it's way into Katara's bedroom, it's blinding rays doing it's best to bring the Waterbender out of her slumber, she tried equally hard to not let it happen.

She, along with the gang, including her boyfriend, the Avatar, were in the Fire Nation, partly to enjoy the weather and atmosphere, but mostly to attend Council meetings in Fire Lord Zuko's palace.

It had been 2 months since the end of the war, and ever since his coronation, Zuko tried his best, almost daily, it seemed, to reconstruct ties with the other nations that his father and those before him so unmercifully severed.

But to the gang, mostly Katara, it was getting more drawn out and boring every day.

Even Aang was starting to get flustered about it.

But that was always part of his Airbender nature. He never wanted to be grounded on things, especially boring meetings.

That, and among many other reasons, was why she loved him.

With the dawning of this new day meant the dawning of yet another boring meeting with the councils of the other nations.

But Katara, however, wanted sleep, and so she stayed in her bed. After all, she had just helped save the world from a maniacal tyrant. She felt like she had deserved to sleep in once in a while.

But no sooner could she accomplish this, she felt someones hand gently nudging her to wake up.

It couldn't have been Toph or Sokka, they would've been too rough with her.

That could have only meant one person.

"Hi, Aang...", she sleepily mumbled.

Aang, as tired and bored as Katara was, was trying desperately to wake his girlfriend, with the fear of being late to the meeting, and getting an earful from a certain big brother of hers, in the back of his mind.

"Come on, Katara, wake up," Aang had quietly spoken.

Katara didn't respond, desperately trying to go back to sleep.

"As much as I don't want to go to this, we can't be late. Everybody's waiting for us downstairs, and I don't want to hear anything from the Council," he insisted.

"But Aang....", Katara quickly responded with a whining moan. "It's too boring and dull. Can't I just sleep in this one time?"

"I'm sorry, Katara, but that will have to wait another morning. Now, come on."

Katara, being as stubborn and sleepy as she was, decided to not pay attention to Aang, and instead pulled her cover as far as it would go over her head.

Aang sighed and was starting to give up, and was preparing to get up to leave, but when he turned his head, he could see that Katara exposed her bare feet from pulling the cover over too much.

He continued switched glances between Katara and her lovely feet for a few moments, when a devious idea formed in his mind. With a mischievous grin on his face, Aang quietly sat up, and began to carefully tip toe to the foot of the bed, with his dastardly plan already set in motion.

This was sure to wake her up.

It was also probably one of the few times he was glad that Toph had called him Twinkletoes, because Katara would certainly not expect what was going to happen next.

As he sat down, he carefully locked Katara's legs in his left arm, and had his right hand, fingers and all, wiggling, ready to do damage.

Katara had felt something grab her legs, but before she could react, Aang was on the attack, tickling her feet without mercy, and making Katara explode with laughter.

Katara screamed through her laughs, begging for Aang to stop. But he wouldn't. Aang had found out through a recent foot massage, that her feet were the most sensitive, and ticklish parts of her entire body. And today, he had found the perfect opportunity to exploit that weakness.

She again tried to plead with the Airbender, hoping to gain some empathy so that he could stop torturing her feet, but Aang wasn't listening, for part of him wanted to hear the sweet melody that was Katara's laugh. It was always musical to him, and he took towards any approach he had to hearing that beautiful, infectious sound.

As he continued to run his fingers up and down her soles faster, he couldn't help but laugh along with her.

"Maybe this will teach you to a lesson in waking up on time!", he chuckled.

But Katara was too busy laughing to hear him.

Aang, thinking Katara didn't hear him on purpose, then decided to really take it to another level.

Beginning at the heel of Katara's foot, He started to move his fingertips up her soles, raking and scratching his nails all over the tender flesh of her feet, eliciting an increased octave of laughter from the Water Tribe girl, as the Airbender's fingers went up slowly and tortuously, from the bottoms of her feet, to the arches, to the insteps, all the way to the base of her toes.

Katara knew what was coming next, and realized that she had to try at least one more time to compromise with Aang before he would be the executioner of her impending doom, and send her into near hysteria.

But before she could open her mouth to beg, it was too late.

"Tickle, tickle, tickle," he said in a higher pitched voice as he brought his fingers in between her toes.

That sent her over the deep end. The instant Aang did that, she let out an earsplitting shriek that surprisingly did not deafen him. And following that shriek was an outpour of squealing, hysterical laughter. The entire Fire Nation might have echoed with the sound of it. And just when Katara thought it couldn't get any worse, it did.

While Aang was having so much fun tormenting his beloved, another evil idea popped into his head. Remembering an old game - a song if you will - that some of the Air Nomad nuns used to play with the young benders, he grabbed Katara's left big toe with one hand, and began to sing the song, albeit with a few minor adjustments, inspired from the adventures that he and his friends have had.

"This little penguin went to the cabbage merchant, this little penguin didn't," Aang teased. "This little penguin had some roasted seal jerky, this little penguin didn't. And this little penguin cried, 'wee, wee, wee!', all the way home!"

While Aang was harmonizing the tune, he was causing even more agony for Katara. Starting with her big toe, he went to the next one, and the one after that, all the way down to the pinky toe, while lightly stroking his finger on the bottom of her foot, and punctuated the last lyrics by scraping his fingers all over Katara's feet again, making her laugh her head off constantly throughout the entire time. He repeated this process on her other foot, doubling her laughter even more. Katara was laughing so hard, she had thought she was going to soon die from lack of oxygen.

The torture continued for minutes, on end, until Aang finally relented. He had gave Katara a chance to breathe, for she had been panting ever since the tickling had subsided.

"Thank you," she spoke; but it was barely a sound, for she had been left practically breathless from his assault on her feet.

"Please don't do that again anytime soon."

"I'll try my best not to," Aang responded, and he began to laugh.

"You should have seen yourself, it was hysterical," He laughed.

Katara was trying to be mad and upset at him, but she couldn't ignore his boyish charm, and had no choice but to laugh along with him, realizing that it was pretty funny.

After their giggle fits subsided, Katara got herself ready, but before that, she gave Aang a brief kiss.

"Well, good morning to you, too," Aang said.

"It most certainly is a good morning," Katara replied, and soon, after she got dressed, the pair were off to the meeting, never forgeting the experience they had just had.

After all, it was just another morning with the Avatar.
My second story, hot and fresh for ya! Please read and review!
Disclaimer: I do not own "Avatar: The Last Airbender". It is owned by Bryke, Nickelodeon, and Viacom. And remember, read and review, please!
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little siren girl, held up by fishhooks
and lines - you'll only be free when
they cut you loose.

still, they tell you: you will not fall
victim to swelling tides, you
will float. (you are a dead weight.)

you are something incomplete
like the forgotten house on the
end of the row, eating itself,
dimming day by day:
paint chips and chapped lips
have nothing left to say.

there are monsters nursing
deep beneath your flesh, with
threadbare spines and trembling
hands, they are afraid of their own
shadows. (you are only weak when
your eyes are open)

a new year waits upon your doorstep,
promising to take all that was ever [you]

the paper doll can finally sleep,
to see another day.
When the sun finally resurrects, you will, too.

(goodbye, 2012 :heart:)
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Oh, darling...
How am I alive?
After what you put me through,
I'm surprised I didn't
shoot myself.

Baby, love is a dangerous game,
and we played it like

Russian Roulette.
I don't usually have the title as something in the poem, but it's the best I could come up with :shrug:

Enjoy! :blowkiss:

Thank you for the comment/fave if you do so :heart:
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they wrapped me through with police tape
before i was born;
yellow silk fetters entwined among
the arches of my ribs
and along the hollow bumps of my spine
like a warning

binding back what leviathan lay
and waiting
in the dusk

i've searchedandsearched and never found it,
but they promise me,
(oh promise me it's there).

i've tried to call down the sun from up high
because i didn't like the way it made everything
i prefer the darkness.
(they've told me that's
where i belong,
hidden away for what
better purpose i have yet to

i'm drowning in shadows vague and empty,
and all the wrong words
i never gathered the courage to

because with each whisper
another remnant of what sky i used to know
comes crumbling down,
and i always bloody my hands
when i pick up the shards.

i tried to tell them
that everything falls to pieces.
they shook their heads
with jaded smiles
and told me not to worry.

but they are reflective, i say
(i scream);
they show me what i don't want to see
(denial thrives in the blind).

but maybe it's not bad, i argue back.
those scars in my side
along my arms
tangled into my veins
are my best friend.

they listen.

i talk to the mirror
but i don't like the things
it holds:
a venomous tongue
and dying sunshine gaze
and fingers broken
from eternal grasping.

the bags under her eyes keep her
from going anywhere

and she sings to me, quietly
the best lullabies are tears.

there's nothing left to do,
the days are empty.

perpetually drained
thirsty for something-
fabled, and promised
but never real.

i've learned to live
with eyes wide open
so i can watch my life
drain away

there's solace in answers
(but never solutions)

each night i sleep with the closet door open,
for someone already let the monsters out,
and each night i sink into sweetbitter sleep,
where the same demons
and same regrets
and same hallucinations plague me,
an endless pattern;

and i'll dream of falling until my face hits the pavement,
where i try to count my teeth

(only to realize i lacked them
all along.

i gave them away when
someone asked for a smile
to replace the one they never had
or maybe they asked for a piece of me
i shouldn't give away.

i can't remember anymore).

perhaps sleep
isn't any kind of solace at all

but a disguise cloaked with all
the latest
manic trepidations.

because insanity never goes out of style.
This is definitely one of my favorite pieces I've ever written.

A collab with the lovely *featherback. I'm so excited I got to work with her! She is one of the loveliest writers I've ever read, and not to mention an amazing person.

My favorite pieces by her:
(although, everything she writes is breathtaking)
no pulse but a glass metronome.
sometime when her body was young
and her mind young yet
the world breathed her in and sang her out
in chime whispers like
the musings of a glass metronome,
steady peals directing each sure-footed footprint,
tick, tock, tick, tock,
a cadence of simplicity
and self assurance.

i wish i knew her still.

if there was ever a timepiece
in these
dusty rib bones
it's long since burst with childhood's ebb,
scattering every once-effulgent shard to the far corners
and high limits
and roaring hollows,
leaving a space vacuous and inert,
haunted by an absence of sound
which cries volumes.

just breathe,
says every philosophy and philant
a clinical send off.there was a time when i almost convinced myself you loved me; back when your kisses coated my tongue with heavy, bitter deflections, back when you nipped about my ankles and slowed my steps and determination with sour laughter like the rattling of chain links.

back when you wrapped yourself through my ribcage with greedy intent to tie up what veins you hadn't already snapped.

back when i wasn't afraid to say you, because i didn't know what you were (when i didn't yet fear the day you'd push your way past broken lips and thus become a reality).

but attachment differs greatly from affection, and sometimes i caught you clinging not out of des
the sonnet and the breeze.she was a sonnet and he was a breeze
they both resembled their essence with ease
for the soul is expressed in the strangest of ways
and in all aspects their nature they conveyed

she was dulcet, and sonorous of mind
with treble clef skin and eighth note eyes
she danced on ballads and spoke in verse,
pulse singing in measures unrehearsed

he dwelt transient as all breezes do
wistful and fleeting, he roamed in pursuit
of all the unfathomed, but he never stayed long
before the sun's rising he would always be gone

they met in a clash of whisper and rhyme
(he breathed hello, she hummed a sigh)
and 'neath the morning they judged one ano

Show her piece love, too:
As Insubstantial As Cigarette Smokei.
they wrapped me through with police tape
before i was born;
yellow silk fetters entwined among
the arches of my ribs
and along the hollow bumps of my spine
like a warning

binding back what leviathan lay
and waiting
in the dusk

i've searchedandsearched and never found it,
but they promise me,
(oh promise me it's there).

i've tried to call down the sun from up high
because i didn't like the way it made everything
i prefer the darkness.
(they've told me that's
where i belong,
hidden away for what
better purpose i have yet to

i'm drowning in shadows vague and empty,
and all th
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I'm ready for a romance to ravage my heart and tear apart my
dusty limbs, I'm waiting for someone to take my breath and
never give it back; I'm prepared to sell all I was for a trip
somewhere new - beyond the paper mistakes I sailed away
down the river long ago. (even rocks and leaden thoughts
won't let the truth sink.)

I left my being somewhere under a waning summer sun
when the trees hummed melodies of moving on;
my soul still stays there, porous and pining and
lost. Dying stars don't lead home.

I suppose
it's more than just losing
your words, it's losing


I am someone who mourns Sunday morning for another lost
week. I am weak, I am of mice and the men who cower
beneath compromisable truths. I have already
made more mistakes than loose fingers in
two days and a little breathing room.
I am not special. I am the worst
kind of normal, and further
more, I am sorry.
I am me.
Hello 2013.

(ramblings and a little too much truth)

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