Reindeer PauseReindeer Pause9 years ago in Prose More Like This
[Santa's Workshop, the North Pole. It is Christmas Eve, and the warm glow of the shop illuminates the gently falling snow outside. Stillness hangs in the air, but also the weight of expectation; of joys soon to come. Any time now, the elves will walk out to the nearby barn and hook the reindeer to Santa's sleigh, where they will perform the time-honored duty of delivering to every good chil--]
BLITZEN: Augh, screw it! Screw Christmas in its cute little button-nosed face! (paws angrily at the warm earth of his stable)
PRANCER: Now, now dear. You know these outbursts don't do you any good.
BLITZEN: Out of my business, Prancer! You know it just gets worse every year!
CUPID: (peers out from the top of her stable) Is old Blitzkrieg firing his guns again?
PRANCER: No, Cupid. And if he were, you wouldn't be helping right now.
CUPID: Uh-huh. (shouts over) C'mon, Blitzen—cheer up! It'll all be over before you know it!
BLITZEN: That's exactly it! We do this job for one night every y
I Don't Wear PinkThe walls are lined with toys, the floor covered by colorful rugs, and the bright blue walls have handprints highlighted by the hopeful sun pouring through windows. Youve got a television mounted in the corner of the room playing movies from Happy Disney. All this is a weak effort to cheer miserable kids up. Well let me tell you that its not working. This room might be able to distract little kids, but Im not little. Did I mention I hate kids?I Don't Wear Pink5 years ago in Think Pink IV More Like This
I shift uncomfortably in the chair nearest the exit. As soon as Moms treatment is done for today I am so out of here. If I had a fairy godmother I would wish for breast cancer to never exist, but I dont and I cant. Since that day my mom, a single-mother, came home with her diagnosis my life has taken a turn for the worse.
People stare at her, always giving us sympathetic looks or sending us cards. Sometimes I
All I Want For ChristmasAll I Want For Christmas9 years ago in Poetry More Like This
Oh, all I want for Christmas is a smaller set of breasts:
Forget about the candy canes, the eggnog and the rest.
Hey Santa, if you're listening then let me really stress,
I mean it when I say I need to 'get this off my chest'!!!
I 'member how I used to play in mother's cast-off clothes;
The evening dress, the high heels and the baggy pantyhose.
I'd stuff my top with kleenex 'til the bodice hit my nose:
Gee, whoda thunk I'd end up with a pair bigger than those?!?!?!
When older, I tried basketball but I'd just end up sore.
I'd bounce the ball across the court but both my breasts bounced more!
And golf was just a waste of time-I seldom had a score:
My boobs just checked my swing before I even could yell 'Fore!'
Now, I can hear you laughing but you really have no clue,
Just what it's like to jump rope and end up all black and blue!
I'd wear the tightest bra I could, but what's a girl to do?
No matter how I'd bind 'em they just grew and grew and GREW.
Yes, Dolly with her triple D's does rea