Funny PoemRoses are redFunny Poem7 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
violets are blue
sugar is sweet
and so are you
but the roses
the sugar bowls
and so is
This poem has been removed.[This poem has been removed as it lacks the emotional and verbal depth to be a real poem.This poem has been removed.6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
When submitting please remember that a real poet is an outcast and eccentric, with real emotional trauma, and lacking these qualities nothing the submitter writes can ever be considered a poem.
If you wish to re-submit your work, please follow these guidelines:
-o- Please remove all instances of self-depreciation and any words that clearly allude to pain. These are "emo" and therefore not real poetry.
-o- Please do not write about love if under the age of twenty-one, as an adolescent obviously knows nothing about such an adult emotion.
-o- Please do not use common place words, nor anything too obscure. A real poet will know which words are permeable.
-o- Please do not write poetry about the fictional media- it is not real enough to provoke deep emotion.
-o- Please do not write poetry
Ode to PrinterOh printer,Ode to Printer4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I wish that
He stares at
He looks at
You as though
You will begin
To speak to him
(Though I doubt
You share a common
He comes running
As you begin to
Paper in and spitting
It out as you
Ink words and images
(As though what he
Needs is being printed,
And he needs to grab it
Before anyone sees.)
Cease and Desist,
Your siren calls,
Of being an oracle.
Cease and Desist
Release my cat.
Left 4 Dead Christmas SongOn the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me, a Hunter pouncing on me.Left 4 Dead Christmas Song5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me, 2 booming Boomers and a pouncing Hunter.
On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me, 3 spitting Spitters, 2 booming Boomers and a pouncing Hunter.
On the forth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, 4 surviving Survivors, 3 spitting Spitters, 2 booming Boomers and a pouncing Hunter.
On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, 5 screaming Witches, 4 surviving Survivors, 3 spitting Spitters, 2 booming Boomers and a pouncing Hunter.
On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, 6 jumping Jockeys, 5 screaming Witches, 4 surviving Survivors, 3 spitting Spitters, 2 booming Boomers and a pouncing Hunter.
On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me, 7 smoking Smokers, 6 jumping Jockeys, 5 screaming Witches, 4 surviving Survivors, 3 spitting Spitters, 2 booming Boomers and a pouncing Hunter.
On the eighth day of Chr
Google's PrayerGoogle's Prayer2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Our Google, which art in Wi-fi
Quick be thy search.
Thy results come, thy buffer be done,
On Bing as it is in Chrome.
Give us this day our daily updates
And forgive us our spelling
As we forgive those who butcher English grammar.
And lead us not into Apple,
But deliver us from Siri.
For thine is the Wi-fi, the processor, and the Android forever.
How to Insult PoeticallyOnce I happened upon a callow young lass,How to Insult Poetically2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Who apparently thought that it was cool to be crass.
And she turned her tongue upon the profession of writing;
Apparently she felt that it was in need of a smiting.
Though her raving and ranting made very little sense,
She seemed to be taking a rather harsh stance.
Apparently her pain was too great to be understood,
Far beyond the comprehension of this man from the hood.
So I stood there in swagger, clad in my bling.
While she behaved like 'Moon-Moon', in search of a thing.
She spouted some nonsense, some far fetched line,
About never idolizing the keen writer's mind...
If that is the case, then why ape my technique?
Why submit to several galleries; is your brain on the leak?
You are writing to be seen; you seek attention as I do,
What are we if not performers, is that not true?
Did you believe that you could use your past as a shield?
It counts, I'm afraid, for nothing, I feel;
For you see, I'm a killer, as bold a
Spelling CountsThe line read:Spelling Counts3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
"Fallow your heart",
I wondered what more there was to say.
Fallow your heart, leave it
empty and waiting for a season
so love can grow, nourished,
in a replenished, whole ground.
Fallow your heart so it does not become
Worn and barren with overuse.
The line read "fallow your heart",
but the poem, overworked,
meant only "follow".
Please remember that spelling counts.
FullMetal Alchemist Yo MommaFullMetal Alchemist Yo Momma6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Yo momma is so fat; she ate Gluttony and became the new one.
Yo momma is so nasty; even Gluttony wouldn't eat her.
Yo momma is so fat Ed Elric could have used her as Equilvalent Exchange to bring his mom back with no harm to himself or Al.
Yo momma is so ugly Roy went Gay after seeing her.
Yo momma is so ugly even Greed didn't want her.
Yo momma is so fat even Scar couldn't blow her apart.
Yo momma is so fat that they didn't distroy the gate they just shoved her ass in opening.
Yo momma is so ugly even Envy wouldn't morph into her.
Yo momma is so stupid she thought the Philosopher's stone was a new type of candy.
Yo momma is so fat even Winry couldn't make her automail.
Yo momma is so ugly she made Izumi cough up blood.
Yo momma is so ugly even Dante wouldn't use her as a body.
The Military didn't use the Philosopher's Stone to distroy Ishbal... they just dropped yo momma on it.
Yo momma is so fat gluttony got jealous.
Yo momma is so fat even gluttony went "Damn!!!!!!!!"
Yo momma so fa
The Grammar GangstersBeware the grammar gangsters!The Grammar Gangsters7 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
The mafia of the literary underworld.
They saunter into stanzas,
Under their trench coats
Or in violin cases.
They can make you talk,
"With just a few well-placed speech marks,"
Leave you shouting! Where you should have whispered!
And pulp your bold statements into quavering questions?
They can, pepper, your, phrases with, commas,
Or bring your piece to a dead.
They'll trap you (between brackets)
As you - dash - to the exit.
Then: punch a blunted colon
Into the gut of your text
Force-feed you a poisonous semicolon,
Then hack/slash your work to shreds.
The grammar gangsters
Never leave survivors.
Readers discover the victims
In the back alleys of the library,
In a tommy-gun ellipsis...
TorchwoodT is for Toshiko, a smart little cookie,Torchwood8 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
O is for Owen who likes to have sex,
R is for Rift, Torchwood's main focus,
C is for Cardiff Torchwoods location,
H is for humerous, which is what Jack is to me,
W is for Wales where Torchwood be.
O is for odd, what Ianto is seems.
O is for nothing, just an intermission
D is for the Doctor, Jack's obsession
We are Torchwood, if its alien, its ours.
Undead Armypledge allegiance to the mask,Undead Army5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
That I'll carry whiskey in my flask,
And anyone to diss HU,
I'll leave a bloody mess of you,
For we are family, you and I,
3 Tears for you, we all shall cry,
All day all night, our flags will fly,
The Undead Army Till The Day We Die
3 WordsThere are 3 words I wished3 Words2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I could have whispered in your ears.
Just 3 words.
Yet they are so powerful that they could
Make the mightiest man cry.
As much as I would have wanted to say them,
I didn’t know how.
Too awkward, I suppose.
Many have tried
And it ruined their connections.
So I kept it in.
To hold on
To what we already had.
Of tears & Laughter.
I didn’t want to let go of that.
I was too afraid,
To make things worse than they were.
Ah yes, today,
I will break that silence.
Before I die,
I want to tell you,
I hate you.
ManifestAh, me leg,Manifest3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I shall miss ye,
Latest of the lost.
Aye, ye be Davy
Jones' lass now,
Me pretty, me foot.
Fer a chain shot
While I were topgallant.
With me left hand
And me parrot Jim,
And much o'
The lee side o' me face.
I list a bit now,
An' I've lost me sea leg,
So I'm thinkin' now's time
To leave the Pirate
Round an' head for Barbary Coast
With me coffers t' find the
pretty lass I knew when I was
But a wee thing.
If she'll still take me,
Perhaps I won't even miss the sea.
The Marching Band PrayerAs I lace up my shoes, and button my spatz,The Marching Band Prayer4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
may each move of my foot be perfectly in step.
As I slip on my gloves, and put my mouthpiece in place,
let each note be a perfect and not squeek back in my face.
As I zip up my jacket, and put in my plume,
let me look perfect, and sound in tune.
As we step into block, and go to parade rest,
let the lights shine bright on us, 'cus we're the best of the best.
Let each movement match, and each song come together.
Let us all move as one, and not loose any feathers.
Let us complete our performance with standing ovation.
For we are the band, and we're representing a nation.
From the snap in our turn,
to the hearts beating in our chests.
My god bless each piece of our group,
as we take this first step...
And we start with the LEFT!
Things I Do When I Feel Down :cThere are times in our lives,Things I Do When I Feel Down :c2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
When we hit the all time low.
When the second-hand serenades no longer cut it,
And when simply 'letting it burn' no longer works for us.
We roll upon our beds like a roly-poly collection of rolltastic things;
And we lay face up toward the ceiling, slaying monsters on our portable consoles.
But that my friends is when inspiration strikes!
That is the moment when I rise up from the covers,
When I take a marker pen in my hand and use it as a microphone.
When my neighbours wonder what the bloody hell is going on,
Because I've started singing songs by Nightwish.
And when I get bored of that, IRON SAVIOUR,
Heavy Metal never dies!
Marylin Manson, The Beautiful People.
Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, Your Guardian Angel.
Because truly when I see you smile,
Though tears may not run down my face,
I would never in this world replace:
The feeling of a success, and the smile it might brings
When I entertain you, with the way I sing.
And if you've gotten
Around the World in 80 DaysWill cross the date line yesterday.Around the World in 80 Days3 years ago in Flash Fiction & Vignettes More Like This
HiddenI can't accept itHidden4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I don't want to fall
But i can't change it
Because it's me.
I keep it hidden
I keep it locked
Inside a safe
A deep, dark vault
In the farthest depths
of my mind.
LenTym razem Brzechwa na warsztat.Len6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Na tapczanie siedzi leń.
Nic nie robi cały dzień.
- Totalnie wypraszam sobie!
Tak jakby ja nic nie robię?
A kto zjadł Lici śniadanie?
Makowca na drugie danie?
A kto dzisiaj w nocy chrapał?
Kto Licię wodą ochlapał?
A kto dzisiaj stłukł dwa klosze?
O - o! Proszę!
Na tapczanie siedzi leń.
Się obija cały dzień.
- Hellou! A szyby nie zbiłem?
A Lici nie przytuliłem?
I nie patrzyłem jak zmyka?
A nie zmacałem konika?
I tak jakby wziąłem prysznic!
I to ma być totalnie nic?!
Na tapczanie zaległ leń.
Nic nie robi cały dzień.
Nie odwiedził Rosji, bo mu się zaspało,
Nie pilnował prania, bo samo się wyprało,
Nie wypielił swych grządek, bo z tym same kłopoty,
Nie sprzątnął, bo zbyt rozwalone miał swoje klamoty,
Nie najechał na nikogo, bo akurat jadł
The Problem with OmnipresenceGod went to the optometristThe Problem with Omnipresence1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
because His eyes were full of graveyards
and tombstone-shaped cataracts
clouding His vision.
Sometime around the eleventh
century, the lush green iris of His
eyes had faded to the color
of peeled paint; then, over the decades to
The eye doctor couldn’t find
anything wrong, but he prescribed
a pair of bifocals to make Him
BVB ArmyYou say Justin Beiber.BVB Army2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I say Black Veil Brides.
You say Lmfao, I say Evanescence.
You say Carly Rae Jepson, I say Joan Jett.
You say Im crazy.
I say F*ck you.
You tell me to burn in hell.
I'll see you there....
LONG.LIVE.ROCK. FORVER BVB ARMY <3
(I DON'T OWN THIS AND NEVER INTEND TO AND IF YOU THINK I'M A PIECE OF S**T I DON'T CARE YOU TAKE THINGS TOO PERSONALLY)
Because you don't know her.Oh right her?Because you don't know her.5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
She must not have feelings.
She must be a horrible girl.
She must be out to get him.
She must be a 'hard to tell.'
She can't show you her feelings.
She can't tell you exactly why.
She can't keep this happy smile.
And she's honestly afraid to cry.
But go on and judge her go on I dare you to try.
Go on and pretend to know her, go make her cry.
You will do just that because you're none the wiser.
because you don't know her or how much he broke her.
Gee ThanksGreat job, Mom; I can lie.Gee Thanks4 years ago in Flash Fiction & Vignettes More Like This