The Letter My Parents Will Never ReadThe words just slip through my teeth, now,
They dance out of my throat and coat my tongue,
"I don't like that anymore"
"I'm still the same person"
"I'm not mad at you"
I've gotten so good at lying, now,
I sometimes can't tell when even I'm telling the truth.
"Sure, everything's good"
"See? I'm smiling"
"I haven't had my first kiss"
You know what?
I'm not fine.
I have to hide my heart from my own parents because they don't understand.
I have to pretend that I'm mad at him and have "repented from my ways".
But in reality, I wait to read his words online,
I see his pictures,
I've kept the notes we wrote to each other in secret,
I'm in pain.
I'm hurt and full of longing to see him again,
Because you wouldn't let me be with him for the most idiotic reason,
Part of me hates you,
Part of me loves you,
Part of me is angry and spitting fire,
Part of me is hurt and bleeding.
And the more that you both pretend that ever
Strong Enough...A shivering breath,Strong Enough...2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
A chill on the skin,
The continuous twittering of the southern crickets,
And a little girl, curled in her bed.
Just a little brown-headed girl,
All tucked in without a care,
Her dreams take her across the world and under the sea,
With Disney-fied promises of true love and happy endings.
How simple it really was,
Back before that girl became me
She used to fantasize and dream during both turns of the Sun,
And never feared anything or anyone.
She loved both her mother and her father,
Her little baby sister and her pups and kittens,
She loved everything.
She knew nothing.
That little brown-headed girl never knew her mother's bitter heart as well as I do now,
And she never knew her sister would change,
She never knew her father would nearly work himself to death each night,
And she didn't know that money controlled the world.
She never knew that she'd be criticized for her body by others,
For her mind and spirit by her own blood-kin,
She never knew that one day, s
The Clockwork Doll's ReflectionThe clockwork doll stumbles home,The Clockwork Doll's Reflection2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
She cries oil on her bed,
Falling to the floor she splits her side,
And pulls out her broken heart.
It's large but rusted,
Hardened and dark,
Thorns have grown around it,
A weed with one red bud.
Gasping she fingers the bud,
Its beauty precious and young,
How can something so beautiful,
Bring so much torment and pain?
Placing her heart back in her chest,
She seals the seams and stands,
In the mirror, a human girl cries,
Her brown hair draping down across her arms.
Around her on the floor,
Are scattered papers and sketches.
Swinging from her hand,
Is a ring on a cord.
The clockwork doll steps towards the mirror,
And places her silver hand on the glass,
From inside the mirror,
The human girl sniffs, and sighs,
Smiling up at her half-heartedly,
I Won't Exist...I sit here on a sunken bed,I Won't Exist...2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Surrounded by bright, meaningless colors,
The room itself numbed by patterns and details,
So many treasures,
So many "important" awards, trophies,
So many perfectly stacked books,
So many perfectly arranged pictures of a perfectly posing girl,
All of it means nothing, NOTHING!!!
And yet everything
Every little freaking thing in this little freaking room,
Is a part, a piece, a puzzle,
Of my existence All of this is me as I exist in their eyes .
Sometimes I just want to sweep my arm across the dresser,
Throw everything to the floor,
Watch the cheap perfume bottles shatter, sending hazy fumes into the air.
Sometimes, I just want to stab a knife through the paintings,
ripping straight down and leave the canvas flying.
Breaking all the sculptures, decided I won't exist anymore.
Sometimes, I just really want to break these windows I sleep by,
And slip my pale legs through the shattered glass.
I want to hold the match and let it lick my finger,
You'll Never Catch MeThere,You'll Never Catch Me2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
In the center of the prison,
Sways a starved young woman.
She drifts side to side,
Swinging from her rusted manacles.
"You'll never catch me, my dears," she sings,
"You'll never capture my soul,"
"As long as I still breathe, my dears,"
"My spirit will be whole!"
She chuckles and sighs,
Tears in her eyes,
Staining her irises red,
This acrobatic game she plays,
Fills her veins with lead.
"I will stay here, however long, and you will never see,"
"I can sing, here, in my cell,"
"But, my dears, you'll never catch me!"
Whisper to MeWhisper to me in my hair,Whisper to Me2 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
Tell me if you're real,
Tell me all the sacred things,
I never thought I'd feel.
Whisper to me in my neck,
Tell me if I'm sane,
Tell me that you miss me,
And you'll hold my hand again.
Whisper to me in my back,
Tell me our love remained,
Tell me that you still care,
And your heart, my words have stained.
Stand up, Now!Out the window,Stand up, Now!2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Through the sky,
The dawn ignites my way,
I see across the world's rounded skin,
And cry tears of rain,
For all the pain.
I am trying to call out to you,
"Breathe, Live, Remember!"
But not a single soul is listening,
We are all bound by our own chains of self-disgust and anger.
I will run to you,
Across the lands,
Across the seas.
Raise you up by your shoulders,
"Stand up, Now!"
Wipe your tears,
Shed your skin,
Break your chains,
Let your life begin.
"Now! Stand up, Now!"
Screaming in frustration,
I drain my blood and give a little to you all,
In hopes that you will breathe,
In hopes that you will live,
In hopes that you will remember.
I have spread my blood so thin around the skies,
The dawn is tinted crimson and maroon,
My voice is tired from casting it around the world,
Now it is only the winds' whisper.
My body is so drained and weak,
I lay under the elder maple tree,
My skin translucent and paper-like.
Slowly, a shadow,
Life is Short, Love is QuickWhat usually happens when one finds a true love? And I don't mean a soul-mate, twin-flame kind of love, I mean that kind of love that ignites your skin and makes your blood rush with excitement at his/her name? What usually happens? The girl most likely falls for the guy first, in most occasions. Thus, she hides her feelings because it would be considered "improper" or for some other reason. Or perhaps the young man falls for the lass quicker? And he doesn't whisper a word to her in fear of rejection or something else something deeper. Either way, the genders hide their true thoughts of the other because of uncertainty on a matter. And I can't stand this at all.Life is Short, Love is Quick2 years ago in Emotional More Like This
If a man were to love me, in spirit or in blood, I pray that he have enough strength and courage to tell me what he truly thinks of me. I want the truth, not tip-toeing around the subject. And yet, am I not being hypocritical? I have had tons of crushes, as any other human being in this world, and onl
A Mother's HateWhat am I to do?A Mother's Hate2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Other than silently scream,
Crying tears poisoned by your hate,
And holding my hands so tight my fingers ache?
What am I to do?
When you twist my words to make them disrespectful,
When you claim I'm stupid and naïve, retarded and clueless,
And the only blood-sister I have spits out your own insults as she pleases?
What am I to do?
Other than hide online and secretly write my thoughts,
Shaking my head and staring off into space,
Standing there as you rant on and on .and on .?
What am I to do?
When you tell me you want me out,
And that you can't wait until the world ruins me?
Ruins me until I turn into you?
What am I to do?
Other than hide in my room,
Surrounded by pointless treasures .
Shadowed paintings and dusty sculptures
What am I to do?
When you made me feel like this before,
Nothing mattered anymore .
And I only felt the pain that comes from a mother's hate.
True Love: A Painted Myth?Forgive me if I intrude,True Love: A Painted Myth?2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
If I'm a little bold,
I've always been a little odd,
From all that I've been told
But something about the way you smile,
Something about the way you trust,
Good Lord, send me a soul to love,
And forget this useless lust
So many tiring hours spent,
Looking for his name
Trying to find a hint,
If he's still the same
I could have been the secret girl,
Chosen at a whim,
I threw my heart at his chest,
But still, I did choose him
I don't know what is real anymore,
My mind does war against me,
Somehow I must get the patience,
To tame the visions that taint me.
So please forgive me if I'm odd,
My heart is just too hopeless to worry with,
But also because I am scared,
That true love is just a painted myth.
The Bitter Nightmare/Too Heavy A BurdenRusted daggers flung from their tongues,The Bitter Nightmare/Too Heavy A Burden2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Deep, infected scars reopened,
Tear away the skin above my breast,
And witness my heart's weak thrum.
You, you have made it so,
You poisoned it with your truthful tonic,
Your tampered quotes and encrypted sneers,
Do not twine the needle deeper,
Fling your hair through the seeping blood,
Paint the canvas of my years,
Falling from the chasm's edge,
Releasing my mind from the bitter nightmare,
I watch the sun comb its way through the trees,
And struggle to stand against the bars of home,
My hands and feet chained, a dusty cloth between my teeth,
I wait for the warden's glance,
That moment of fated chance,
Do not tempt me, mad suitor,
I am too heavy a burden for any soul.
Pressure to ChangeIt frightens me truly,Pressure to Change2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
That one last step
It's like leaning toward a chasm,
So deep you can smell the smoke from hell.
"You have to do this, and this, and that"
"You must apply for this, pass this, buy that"
So much pressure,
So little time,
So much expected of me of my talents my mind.
Hold my hand, so that when I jump into the darkness,
I know that you will be there .
Whisper my name, so that when I forget who I am in fear,
I will remember my true spirit's flame.
I do not want to fail,
I cannot disappoint you,
I have to win,
I have to make this look good,
I have to make you proud.
Where does this stress come from?
I know you don't force it on me
When will I be able to accept that it's okay to make mistakes?
And that it's okay to be me?
My Knights of SpiritI smile at the thought that I have knights,My Knights of Spirit2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
The men in my life that care for my being and soul,
One is hot-tempered but gently protective,
Promising a day when he'll cross the oceans to protect me and guide me.
I smile at the thought that I have knights,
The men in my life who have heard my spirit sing,
One is kind, and swore to trials of measure for the sake of my injury,
Always coaxing a laugh from every riddle and answer.
I smile at the thought that I have knights,
The men in my life who worry for me,
It seems that often they become knighted without knowing,
And care about me, despite the distance separating us.
So raise a glass for the knights of my kingdom,
The ones who wait to read my words,
The ones who make me smile when I'm sorrowful,
The ones who make me laugh when it rains,
I raise a glass for them in thanks,
Wishing I could be with them in the flesh,
Rather than spirit.
Please....Remind Me...Falling through their split-laced curtain,Please....Remind Me...2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Their venom-gilded web,
I extend my hand towards their bitter cackling,
Trying to hold on to my existence .
They are my blood,
They are my family,
But every glance is two-faceted,
And every remark is double its original worth.
They will never accept me,
They will never understand,
And the metallic sharpness,
Creates acid from their lips,
And the stinging denial,
Gives birth to underlying hatred.
I dance between both worlds known to me,
But I'd prefer to be in only one.
I lie through my teeth daily,
I put on a show and pretend,
And I constantly remind myself I am stronger,
I will survive their sickening trials .
If I know that I am stronger,
That I can do this until I am free,
Then why do I find myself holding myself together at night,
Crying in the corner of a chilled shower tile,
Wondering why I never feel like I have a future,
Where they will accept me for what I am doing and have been doing
I'm Unsure...I pound my hands against my knees,I'm Unsure...2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Curled up on my sinking bed,
Pillows crammed behind my back,
And the crystal screen glaring before me
A mirror within a mirror,
Onyx lettering returned and sent,
How can I explain how I am,
If even I'm not sure?
I've gone so long feeling dependent on words,
Memories and hopeless, countless dreams,
The pain is nearly healed,
And I don't know how I feel
Am I stunned because someone cares,
Shocked that I found a "cure"?
Speechless because I can't believe,
I'm freed from myself, it's over?
Even my lustful heart's not sure
And even now as I bitterly stare,
At the squared writings and caring concerns of another,
I am not sure of myself
How am I do say how I am,
If even I'm not sure?
Uncertainty and DoubtDoes anyone else stand at the edge of the stair and look down,Uncertainty and Doubt2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
wondering what it would feel like to never know how far the next step is?
As if you could walk blindly, and fall, sink, down into an un-foretold reality,
Lose yourself in chaos, the bitter chilled unknown
I stand here now on the edge of porcelain stairs,
Peeking downward through my ebony lashes,
I feel a grip in my spirit,
A sickening wave of dizziness rolls over me,
Knocking me back, nudging doubt deeper into my skin like a poisonous shard.
"Do I step forward? Or do I wait in this haunting pain "
Biting my lip, wringing my hands, my blood dancing loudly,
I realize my future can only improve from my past,
I have to take these chances,
And play my best bet.
Gripping the glassy banister,
I steal a severed breath,
I'm Sorry, In AdvanceIs it my fault that I feel like a fool?I'm Sorry, In Advance2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Handing out my heart to any who'll take it?
Is it my fault that I care for any pain, rather than my own?
Is it my fault for making mistakes and worrying about all opinions?
That I'm worried for your criticism
and that I care what everyone thinks, too much?
I'm not vain or naïve, I'm stressed and insecure .right?
Is there something wrong with me,
That makes me care even if it's not my concern
That makes me feel like I need approval
I crave it I love it .I need it.
And I don't know if it's because there is something wrong with my heart,
Or if I'm just insane,
But I'm sorry if I'm crazy,
And I'm sorry that I don't make sense
I'm sorry that I can't make everyone happy,
And I'm sorry that I feel this way about myself .
Believe me people, my heart and insanity are not worth it,
So carry on, please
Please....Just....Look At Me NowThis feeling in my heart thickens and festers,Please....Just....Look At Me Now2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
An old wound, aggravated by time and fear,
Doubt, and hopelessness
All I need is to hear your words again,
They were once the only ones that could comfort me
Now, it's like I'm the hopeful child waiting for a miracle
Why have you abandoned me so
What reason will you claim, if you ever take notice again
But I am afraid.
I am afraid of myself
Because I know the longer I am confused,
The longer I am lost, broken, abandoned, forgotten,
The more resentful my blood becomes .
And the wound becomes infected with all the doubts,
All the worrying, the panicking, the stress
And I don't know what to do .
Are you telling me to let my heart release you?
You just don't know, do you?
You just don't know
MasksWith big smiles she greeted her friends,Masks3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Drowning in the crowd of people.
How many claimed to be her loved ones?
Hundreds? Thousands? She lost count long ago.
They welcomed her with jokes and laughter,
and she replied with hugs and kisses,
Pretending not to see the cracks in their masks
Or the lies in their voices.
She knew they were hiding something,
She heard the whispers behind her back,
Saw the greed behind their smiles,
And sensed their hatred long ago.
And every day she felt another part
Of her soul breaking away.
At night she tried to fix it,
Trying to reattach the broken pieces,
But as the time went by she realized
That the harder she tried, the faster she broke.
And so she continued what she had once started,
Acting cheerful, while breaking apart,
slowly creating her own mask
To hide her true self.
Until one day she met you,
The girl who refused to wear a disguise,
A big grin in your face,
And true kindness in your words.
Your left hand you had outstretched,
In your right you
The ShameDo you want to look inside,The Shame2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
This tortured teenage mind.
View the fragments of a broken childhood,
That she can't leave behind.
Note the twisted torment,
That snakes across her skin,
And know that it exposes,
the pain she hides within.
Watch her try to hide,
The Scars, The burns, the Shame!
the web of self destruction,
She uses to mask her pain.
This girl is damaged goods,
That's what they always say,
Someone they would rather tease and jest,
Than help her find another way.
I'm Not Pretty, I'm MeSometimes when I walk by a crowd,I'm Not Pretty, I'm Me2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
A random person,
I get this vibe .
And when I look out of the corner of my eye,
I see them looking at me.
The guys give me this look,
And I don't understand.
Is there something wrong with my outfit?
Is there bird crap on my jacket,
Or a stain on my jeans?
Why are you looking at me?
It startles me every time
I'm nothing special to look at,
So please don't give me that look .
My sister says, "You're pretty " when I brush my hair in the mirror
But, really, I always think they're criticizing me...
Judging my ever move...
I look at my reflection and what do I see?
I see blotchy skin and a too pointy nose
Thin lips and puffy cheeks
Thin, dry hair with different colorings left behind .
What is there to be pretty?
What is pretty?
What do they see?
They don't even know me
I just don't see what they see....
Denial.I know I'm in denial,Denial.2 years ago in Concrete Poetry More Like This
Saying I don't love her.
But I still say it all the while,
Because I have been hurt.
I know I should stop this,
I know I should just face it.
But I can't face up to this,
I can only run away from it.
I know that I still love her,
I would take her back in a heartbeat,
But as I can't have her,
I lie to myself, looking down at my feet.
I know that I still love her,
But Denial is my only friend.
Without You.And as the blood runs off of this blade,Without You.2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
And drips out onto this far out glade.
I really wish I'd told you no,
I really wish I had told you "don't go".
And as the tears ran from your eye,
I wish I could've made them dry.
But right now I wish more than anything,
That you were mine, because I am nothing.
Humble Mediocrity.I see the truth in your web of lies,Humble Mediocrity.2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
It's hard to see when you use your eyes.
Problem is, I'm a liar too.
I knew exactly where to look for you.
You're living one of your lies,
As you watch through the eyes,
Of humble mediocrity.
I'm here because someone has heard your plea.
You look at me and you scream for help,
Whilst saying nothing at all and not wanting to tell.
But that's not why I came,
I'm here because of what I became.
I came because I know what you can do,
Because I was once someone just like you.
I was once like you, living a lie.
Which is why I'm here - to silence your cry.
I came because you are a danger to me,
As you watch through your humble mediocrity.
Takes one to know one and I like my privacy,
So please forgive me because I am sorry.
As I look into your dead eyes,
With the potential to see through my lies.
I killed you for you saw my grand life as it really is
- Humble Mediocrity.
Tempt Me With WordsWords are luscious and flow off the tongue,Tempt Me With Words2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Tempt me, suitor,
With words of honey and lilac.
With faded parchment and onyx ink,
Slowly seduce me, kind sir,
With words of velvet and flame.
Words are precious and form the souls' essence,
Court me, gentle man,
With literature and good graces.
Words are indefinite and lucid,
Speak my language, hot-blooded spirit,
By softly whispering stanzas in my hair.
Words are eloquent and unique,
Trace sonnets on my skin,
Capture my heart with words.
Stain my blood with poetry,
Heat my heart with haikus,
Make my skin shiver with lyrics,
Capture my attention, soulful man,
By reciting and writing.
Words are thicker written, fair souls,
And they taste of cinnamon and passion,
Tempt me, brave man,
With your words, above all.