ControlControl is everything. Self-control, that is. Control how you act, what you say, what goes into your body, and maybe — just maybe — you'll be able to control you are. Power is addictive; my drug of choice, but it comes at a cost. You see, what you don't learn until it's too late? Sooner or later, the need for control — controls you.
Generally, I’m a good kid. I pay attention in school, earning the high grades that decorate my report cards. I may not be especially popular, but I certainly have friends. I usually do as I’m told, don’t flagrantly disobey rules, and I try hard to please people. I retrace my steps in my mind, searching for the slip — the fall — that landed me here, on this cool, clammy table, wearing not much more than a requisite thin gown.
A crisp knock on the heavy wooden door to the exam room startles me, bringing my attention back to my predicament at hand. After
ParanoiaAre they laughing?Paranoia2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Yes. I hear them giggling your name again.
If I turn around, will they be staring?
Definitely. You've always been a sight to see.
Will they want to talk to me?
And why would they? You can barely hold an interesting conversation for over three minutes to begin with.
Why don't anyone of them like me?
You don't even like yourself, child. Who would?
Is this paranoia tricking me again?
No. This is your life speaking.
What's Left UnsaidThere was that moment.What's Left Unsaid2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
The awkward pause
where your heart drops
and you hope,
that they believe your smile.
"Oh, that's good."
My heartbeat slows down.
"For a moment..."
My stomach lurches...
you were going emo."
...and my heart falls through the floor.
and I laugh along.
I'm laughing along
just like everyone else.
Laughing so hard,
I might even cry.
They weren't supposed to know,
but they weren't supposed to laugh.
This is it.
I'm leaving the state.
And this is how I remember
our very last moments together:
Laughing at my accidental cuts
and how I'm not a cutter.
There's just one problem
with our last goodbye:
The cuts weren't,
and I was.
If you're going through hellWe find the characters in a mental health hospital. The ambient is strange at first. Skye has an appointment with her shrink who comes to visit her while she's hospitalized. She talks nervously but with no fear. Her hand is covered in bandages because she threw a punch at a mirror, ending up in an isolation ward for eight days. The shrink asks the reason for Skye to do so and, in response, Skye undermines herself.If you're going through hell3 years ago in Drama More Like This
The atmosphere grows thicker as Skye starts feeling more anxious and threatens not to say another word and asks the shrink to go away. She does no such thing and tries to calm Skye down. She's there to help her, not judge.
Skye questions herself and the shrink: she doesn't know the complete reason for being in that hospital. And then rants about the last appointment with her ex-psychiatrist. She doesn't like him. Afterwards the shrink tries to see what Skye thinks of the doctors who fixed her hand and those who take care of her. The comments are quite negative. Skye grows
AbuseAnother trip to A&EAbuse2 years ago in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
Another rib fractured
Another promise he will stop
Another promise to be broken
It Is (Depression)It is a shroud of black velvet.It Is (Depression)2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
It is the violent ocean in the dead of night.
It is the monster in the shadows; the Vashta Nerada.
It is the final crash of symbols in Carmina Burana.
It is impossible to lift.
it is impossible to breathe.
It is impossible to see.
It is the only thing that can be heard.
It is why the stars disappear at night.
It is why every light drifts by without stopping.
It is why the gnawing starts and never ceases.
It is why nothing else matters in the end.
It is my disease.
It is my disability.
It is my misfortune.
It is my death sentence.
Social AnxietyI quiver violentlySocial Anxiety3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Too many people
Take it easy
Control the impulse
I'm sure they notice
They stare into
That lies within
Beneath my skin
It runs through
My scarlet veins
Cell by cell
Vein by vein
Killing my sanity
As I walk through
Step by step
Demons in disguise
Ready to pounce
Grab hold of my soul
Until I collapse
Drop to my knees
I need pills
Some way to
Cope with this
Catch me if you canI’m the anorexic at the local gym whom everybody watches but nobody looks at.Catch me if you can2 years ago in Flash Fiction & Vignettes More Like This
I’m the bulimic at school whom everybody pretends not to know about.
I’m the girl in your gym class with too many scars to be telling the truth.
I’m the kid with her head down in the library who is always “fine.”
I’m the boy who 'fell down the stairs'...again.
I’m the child who doesn't show up for school lunch because it's too expensive.
I’m the teenager living a double life in front of your very eyes.
Catch me if you can.
Don't Give Up! Better Days are on Their Way.Dedicated to:Don't Give Up! Better Days are on Their Way.1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
All of those who have been through Hell, in hopes that they will hold their chin up, keep smiling, and move forward.
Some things in life will try to bring us down.
Sadly some will succeed, but do not frown!
It may feel like your sorrows will not end,
But fear not my dear, the sun will shine on!
There are moments that makes us want to die,
And all we can see is a gray, rainy sky.
We feel like our destinies have become dead, defeated, and detached from this desolate world.
We all come to know some sort of agonizing, abysmal atrocity that accumulates in our soul.
Sometimes others are at fault for our pain,
But often we create our own vain rain.
When it comes to others, it can be many things-
Why is there war?
Or why do people act sly and lie?
Why are people deceptive and so selective?
Do people not recognize the seven deadly sins??
HomeIt's one of those moments when everything is about to change, and you can feel the world holding its breath. Too far is your future, pressing in upon you, threatening to swoop in and take you away from here.Home2 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
Here you are known as beautiful, and they wrap you in loveliness and kindness. "Everyone's being so nice to me," you whisper to your boyfriend with tears in your eyes.
He wraps you in his arms and holds you close, hugs you tightly, and says, "We love you. All of us, not just me. So much."
He says, "This is what family is supposed to be like. And you are definitely family here."
You bury your face in the warmth of his neck and breathe him in, the tears slipping from your eyelids.
In his room the light is perfect, the bed comfortable and snuggly, and soon you two wrap yourselves in each other, enjoying the closeness, the inseparable connection of those in love.
Some moments it will all hit you, and you will cry a
UselessI'm a cutterUseless2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
That's all I'll ever be
Once you've learnt that
Defining fact about me.
You'll call me mad
Assume that I'm sad
And that I want
You'll check my arms
Only matters if you can see
But I can hide them
All over me.
You'll think I'm sick
Sick in the head
And that makes me feel
Like I want to be dead.
I don't do it
I don't do it
For a mention
I don't do it
I do it because of
That it's cast over me.
Have you ever...Have you everHave you ever...3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Cried and cried all day
Because of one thing?
Felt like you don't
Mean anything to
Have you ever
Because you don't
Know what else to do?
Bled too much?
Freaked out cause it
Just wouldn't stop?
Have you ever
Stood on the side of a
Bridge, begging for the
Courage to jump?
Felt like a failure to the
Have you ever
Burned yourself to
rid the terrible pain?
Have you ever
Searched the facts
To make sure they're
Fatal? Then Chickened out?
Cause I have.
self hatredI don't know how you could see this body as perfectself hatred2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
When all I see is mistakes
I'm not sure how you looked into my eyes and said you saw angels
when all I can see is deep darkness hiding demons in the shadows
You claimed I'm was too skinny and needed to eat
I say I'm not skinny enough and refuse to touch anything
You said I should open
I say I'm under lock and key
You said you where leaving
I want you to stay
You said I was beautiful
I only see ugliness
You said you'd return
I knew you wouldn't
Your last words to me where full of hate
and finally we agreed on something
DepressionDepression2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
When I was younger I was always happy,
And very rarely sad,
But about a year ago,
Everything went from good to bad.
I now grow distant each day,
Every evening I lie in my bed,
Tear streaked cheeks,
Wishing I was dead.
It's no different at school,
I have become a freak,
I am bullied everyday,
Everything has turned bleak.
I asked for help,
And I recieved the same phrase,
It's cause your a teenager,
You'll get over it one of these days.
It got worse a few months later,
I took a breath and cut my arm,
Watched the blood drip,
Yes, I self harm.
I cry every night,
Till I eventually fall asleep,
But then morning comes,
And again I weep.
Just for a SecondMaybe I can pretendJust for a Second2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Pretend just for a minute
That everything is okay
That you're still with me
That you never hurt me
Pretend that you still think of me
Just for a second
Just one fucking second
I want to hear you
I want to hear your voice
That one voice telling me it'll be okay
The voice that calmed me down
Every time I lost control
The voice that once told me I was beautiful...
I miss it, I miss you
I just want to pretend
That you never called me that night
That you never lied
That we still mean the world to eachother...
Just let me think that
Please, tell me that you still love me
Just for a second.
No one would suspectThat behind the mask I'm cryingNo one would suspect3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
But on the outside I'm trying
To pretend that I'm alright
As I'm battling this fight
I dress in long sleeves and jeans
I hide my scars so they can't be seen
No one would suspect
That inside I'm so wrecked
That I feel so empty
'Cause no one's by my side
'Cause I've been a jerk and lied
Just trying to protect myself and hide
So many nights I've cried myself to sleep
Hurting myself wishing the cuts were more deep
How I'm aching inside and out
That I'm filled with so much doubt
That I've hated myself for all these years
That behind the smile I hold back the tears
That in the end I know I've become so weak
That if I told you the truth, you'd think I'm a freak
That I feel like everything's all my fault
That I wish my heart would come to a halt
That I was dead a long time ago
That I'm ready to be sent down below
You can't live without eatingI don't know why it happened to me really. I don't know how many times I've asked myself that question. Why me? I remember how it all started. It was long before I got diagnosed actually. I had been depressed for a long time already. Then it just hit me. What if I'd try to change something with myself to get rid of this misery? I pretty much wanted to die anyway.You can't live without eating2 years ago in Stories & Vignettes More Like This
That's when I first started exercising. I've always loved dancing and I could that simple math they've all told us, the medias, school, parents If you burn more than you take in you'll lose weight. I had plenty of time at first since it was summer after all. I danced and danced and started to say no to sweets once in a while. I still ate them though, to reward myself. I didn't have any problems with food yet. But the dancing I used to love so much became a torture. At least 30 minutes a day I worked out. I had no interest in breakfast and had a fruit instead.
My hard work paid of though. People told me I looked good and
I have two polar bears living inside of me.I have two polar bears living inside of me.I have two polar bears living inside of me.2 years ago in Emotional More Like This
One of them is the happiest, cutest, most playful and cuddly polar bears in the world. His name is Manny. Manny is so energetic and creative; ready for anything. Millions of wonderful and amazing ideas flow through his mind every day. He could take on the world. He loves everyone and everything. To Manny, life is fantastic; the world is beautiful.
The other's name is Depry. Unlike Manny, Depry is sad. He does not have the energy and motivation that Manny has. In fact, he doesn't have the energy for anything. Depry is easily annoyed by everything around him; including the things he loves; which makes him get mad, and them get hurt. When Depry gets mad at the things he loves, he cries and cries. He does not want to hurt the things he loves, but he cannot control it. It just happens.
When Depry is sleeping, Manny is wide awake. I do not mind it too much when Manny is awake. I feel happy when he visits. However, it's not all fun and games when Ma
SorryIm sorry is used for when you bump into a strangerSorry2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Im sorry is used when you're late
Im sorry is used for when you misheard someone
Im sorry is used for not returning a phone call
Im sorry is used for forgetting to unload the dishwasher
Im sorry is used for eating the last piece of cake
Im sorry is used for canceling on a friend
Im sorry is used for taking someone's seat in a movie theater
Im sorry is used by a tired employee when the pharmacy is closed
Im sorry is used for when your music is too loud
Im sorry is used for sleeping in
Im sorry is used for when your mom is sick
Im sorry is used for when your dog gets loose and greets strangers
Im sorry is used for finishing off the milk
Im sorry has been repeated to you so many times, it no longer sounds like it owns a definition
The words 'im sorry' are incapable of caring the weight of what I feel
Im sorry escapes my lungs in sobs in a pulled over car
Im sorrys scream as I hit the steering wheel with my fists
Im sorry quivers along wit
Don't Give Up, It Gets BetterNo one ever asked about the cuts on her armsDon't Give Up, It Gets Better3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Hidden with long sleeves, people asked her if she was warm
She thought they didn't notice, that nobody cared
But with dark clothes and long sleeves, how could people not stare?
Days passed, then months and years,
All that time she held back the tears
So many cuts and so many scars
The pain that she felt took her too far
They covered her arms and covered her thighs
She prayed and said, "God just let me die."
Why would she throw away such a beautiful life?
She felt unloved and alone as she plunged with her knife.
One last time--she collapsed to the floor,
The pain and misery seeped to her core.
People did care, she was just real shy
To express her feelings or give life a try.
You're loved as you are, never forget that
Words hurt. "You're stupid, ugly and fat."
Haters may say this, but know that you're not.
Those happy with life are glad that they fought.
LiesEverything isn't okayLies2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I pretend every day
That i'm okay
I lie to every single person i greet
It hurts so much
I feel so incomplete
At college its hell
I laugh and joke
So much i want to just cry
But i cant
No body knows
I don't want them to
I just want to isolate myself
Away from everyone
Socialising used to be fun
Now i dread it
I hate what i've become
i'm miserable 24/7
I USED to be fun
Full of energy
Now I'm just drained
The screaming hurts so much
I just want to go far away
So no one can find me
Just cry for a few days
Just do something
This isn't me
This is depression talking
If you knew me before all of this
You would have seen a genuine smile
Now i'm a facade
I'm trapped in this
Every singe day