Devious Journal EntryYour perfect little girl dropped a grade on her report card again.
Your perfect little girl yelled at you last night.
Your perfect little girl talked back to you again.
Your perfect little girl lied to you all her life.
Your perfect little girl cries herself to sleep.
Your perfect little girl dated before sixteen.
Your perfect little girl doesn't go to church.
Your perfect little girl hates you.
Your perfect little girl has given up on life.
Your perfect little girl wants to run away.
Your perfect little girl thinks she's overweight.
Your perfect little girl hasn't let you dry her tears.
Your perfect little girl disobeys you.
Your perfect little girl hates the world.
Your perfect little girl says bad things about you.
Your perfect little girl tried to commit suicide.
Your perfect little girl has become a disgrace.
Your perfect little girl .isn't so perfect anymore
A kiss, a wish, and a big ol' FUCK YOU on topDriven to the point of insanity,A kiss, a wish, and a big ol' FUCK YOU on top3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
torn between two worlds
is where you'll find me.
Shadows yearn for my presence,
while sunlight cries out for my smiles.
Long ago did I throw away the warm feeling
of happiness that once filled my heart.
Tearing away it's constricting restrictions
I gave into the shadows wants, needs, desires.
Happiness is the key!
Happiness is the key to your demise.
Give in to love and you can bet
one day you'll be as empty as I.
Love leads to desire,
desire to need,
need to obsession,
obsession to insanity.
Love is the root of all evil.
and leaves you nothing but broken.
It's better to have loved and lost
then to have never loved at all.
To live broken and abused
is better to live in complete ignorance. Right.
Love is a lie.
Hope is lost.
Wishes are nothing.
Peace is death.
Everlasting loveI know you don't remember these thingsEverlasting love3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
but I do.
I remember them every time I close my eyes.
I remember your warm smile,
and the moment I feel in love with it.
You may not remember,
because you'd stopped smiling.
But I remember it everyday.
I remember your bright eyes
how they used to shine so brightly.
You may have forgotten
because they filled with tears as you looked away.
But I remember them to this day.
I remember your sweet, kind laugh,
how it seemed to fill a room with its music.
You don't remember
because your joy slowly faded away.
I remember your gentle touch,
how it used to reach down to my heart.
it's been so long since I've felt your touch.
But I remember it so well.
I remember your kiss,
how sweet it tasted upon my lips.
Though that's all in the past,
for you turned away in shame.
It broke my heart,
seared with pain,
and to this day
I remember it all.
I remember you.
I remember the love we once shared.
You may have forgotten,
but I never will.
I wrote you a letter todayI wrote you a letter today,I wrote you a letter today3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
but crossed out my name.
I filled the long letter
with every sweet memory
that I could remember.
I wrote about my dreams of you,
every time I whispered
"I love you" .
I wrote about your eyes,
how much they reminded me
of the clear blue sky.
I wrote about your kiss,
how gentle it was
but how I hungered
for so many more.
And finally I wrote about your love
and how I had secretly dreamed of it
all this time.
I ended the letter,
but left it unsigned,
and left but a whisper of a kiss behind.
I sealed the letter,
put on my coat,
and left your letter there,
right in the snow.
But don't worry,
I payed you my respects before I left,
making sure to leave my unread letter,
in the shadow
of your grave.
I see who you are nowYour smile,I see who you are now3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
like the Cheshire cat's,
holds deep secrets that no one can unlock.
are as dark and chilling
as black ice.
are carefully worded and woven
like the smoothest velvet.
Your kiss is empty.
Your heart is stone.
Your soul has vanished.
And your love is nothing.
You are nothing.
I remind myself,
'You mean nothing to me.
You are nothing to me.'
But things manage to slip,
to get in the way.
If only memories could be destroyed,
if only love didn't get in the way.
You are nothing.
If only your mark didn't stain my heart,
If only your promises didn't run so deep.
If only I could forget your smile..
Forget your kiss..
You are.. You are..
If only I didn't love you still..
Her Name Was AliceHer Name Was Alice3 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
"I'm still here.."
Drumming his fingers on his steering wheel to a happy beat in his head, Jeremy repeated the date over in his head. January 5th, 2009. One year today. One whole year had passed since the first day he'd laid eyes on the most beautiful girl he'd ever encountered. Her name was Alice. Long glossy dark hair that contrasted greatly with her bright green eyes. Tanned cheeks with freckles sprinkled across her little nose that crinkled when she smiled. And her smile, oh how he felt his heart melt every time she turned it on just for him. She was perfect in every way for him. And tonight was the night he'd finally tell her.
It was time to finally confess his true feelings for her. Tonight was the night, he would tell her he loved her for the first time. Smiling to himself he pictured her expression as he would pull the small black box from his pocket and hold it out to her. A small silver ring with a green emerald, to match her eyes, set carefully
Killing Me With EmptinessMy nights start with the unrelenting needKilling Me With Emptiness9 months ago in Free Verse More Like This
to feel your hands across my body,
to feel your breath in my hair,
to feel your whispers against my skin.
Of course I'm granted nothing but words printed on a screen
looked upon with tired,
Eyes that are drooping closed with need for sleep.
Though being the persistent person I am
I kindly tell sleep to fuck the hell off
and let me get my fill of the words being printed across
a tiny glowing screen
by invisible fingers.
My mornings start with the first essential need
of flicking on a too bright screen,
blinding myself in pathetic search of an awaiting message
that is never there.
A long shower is spent
contemplating why there is no waiting message,
why there is never a waiting message,
why there will never be a waiting message.
is spent encouraging myself not to make the first
and overly pathetic first move.
Courage is built up,
restraint is compiled.
All is as it sho
Go back to sleep.I turned to face the door as the last of the light slipped through the barely open crack. In a matter of seconds, I would be trapped within the confines of this room. This hell. My new home.Go back to sleep.3 years ago in Emotional More Like This
3- 2 -1. The last of the light vanished and I found myself plunged into darkness. A soft click from the door told me I was now locked in. A soft hum and rattle came from the ceiling as the light finally came to life, a loud grumbling noise, like that of an old fan turning on for the first time in years, followed the new amount of light.
Finally, turning away from the locked door, I faced my new home. The walls were white, but not a clean white. They looked dingy and faded with time. The floor was the same, made of white tiles but covered with a thin layer of time.
Time.. If only I had that once more. If only I could taste it's freedom on my lips and tongue once more. If only it were mine..
I threw myself against the locked door, pummeling the hard oak wood with my frail hands until I felt they woul
Another choice to be madeIt's happening again.Another choice to be made3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
The heartbreaking decisions that must be made.
But this time,
The lonely girl only has one choice to make.
Take back the boy with the longing eyes
Or, leave him behind with all the others?
Her life has been full of these kinds of events.
But this one,
This one was different.
Her choice would be fatal if chosen wrong.
Take back the boy with the longing eyes
And throw her heart to chance and trust,
And hope it didn't shatter upon impact?
Or, leave him behind
And risk losing out on something
That could mean the world one day?
Take him back,
Risk her heart.
Leave him behind,
Risk her happiness.
What does she do?
She starts over.
The lonely girl
Takes the hand of the boy with the longing eyes and says
"Hello there, my name is Kayla."
She never told anyone.It wasn't supposed to turn out this wayShe never told anyone.3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
He wasn't supposed to be like the others
But he was.
Only after one thing,
And one thing only.
How naive she was
To believe his lies.
Taking her carefully into his arms
He kissed her lips and ran his fingers through her hair.
She relished every second of his touch,
Craved his kisses.
Though she didn't realize,
The hunger in his eyes was growing more and more.
She should have run,
Screamed for someone,
But she didn't.
She was too lost in the thought of young love.
It wasn't until,
He locked the door behind him,
And pressed his lips against hers a little too hard,
Pushed her against the wall
A little too forcefully,
Pulled her hair, forcing her head back until she could no longer breath..
It wasn't until then that she finally realized,
Something was wrong.
By then though,
It was too late.
He threw her down on the bed.
She tried to crawl away
But he dragged her back,
Pinned her down with his strong hands,
And began tearing her clothes away.
Absence Rains On MeDear sweet girlAbsence Rains On Me3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I'll let it all out
As your absence rains on me
Like cutting knives
I'll let out my whole being
My heart empty
Cries for your soul
Longs for your heart
Begs for your touch
The drops from the sky
Rain drops of loneliness
Your absence rains on me
I can feel it deep
The words we said
The dreams we shared
As far fetched as they were
They gave me hope
My heart fluttered with you
And you made me feel...oh
Oh so good
Hearing melodies is not the same
Every day is not the same
We barely exchange words now
I would've traveled the world to see you
To reach you, to touch you, to please you
To make you happy
Everynight is empty
My phone rings no more with you
The sweetest smile I knew of yours
Etched only in dreams
Dear sweet girl
I do miss you so...
But you made your choice
One I was not a part of
And the sky rains on me it's pain
Your absence rains on me
And I've got no where to go
I've lost more than love
Through eternity and beyond
With rain or sunshine
We've been falling for all this timeThe thinnest chainWe've been falling for all this time3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
held us together.
I, barely held up over the edge,
my back turned to the endless darkness,
was only held there by the chain in my hand
the end in your own.
That small chain
saved us both from life
Silver tears streaked down my cheeks
as I pleaded for you to stay,
to hold on longer still.
But I could see the doubt in your eyes.
You knew it would come to an end sooner
that this paradise
could only last so long.
But still I found myself pleading,
begging for you to remain,
"One day we won't feel this pain anymore,"
I whispered as a tear streamed down my cheek
falling into the deepening blackness beneath me.
I watched the pain cross your face,
tear into your heart.
Watched as you screamed and reached effortlessly forward.
I still clutched the chain in my hand while I slipped away,
the other half still clutched in your own.
The chain that once held us together,
But in the end,
we both knew this day would come.
It had to
Not so perfect baby girlI was so youngNot so perfect baby girl3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
when I felt the need
to kiss the same sex.
Harmless child play..
I tried to convince myself
that all the other little girls
liked girls too.
Boys weren't really my main interest.
I liked them,
Chasing them over the wood chips,
through the many different colored poles
of the playground.
People would blur past me
as I chased after my target.
just like my sudden attraction to girls.
I knew it wasn't normal,
that I was supposed to like boys..
My parents had always told me,
"Being gay is weird.
Girls are supposed to like boys
and boys are supposed to like girls."
I still remember the girl
who sparked my interest.
Long, straight blond hair.
She wanted to know what it was like,
to kiss another girl.
So, she chose me.
Her lips were so soft,
having yet to be tainted with lies,
sobs of true pain and misery.
Her kisses so sweet,
they changed who I was to bec
Hold on till the endI should have stuck to the planHold on till the end3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
"Pull the mask down further sweetheart,
I think they can begin to see your frown."
Should have made sure I was alone
in the deepening shadows.
"You'll forever be a pathetic little girl
bathed in black."
I just need to keep my head down,
and close my eyes.
"Do you even know what a smile is?
I'm sure if you tried your face would split open."
Sew my lips shut,
"She's such a freak.
Does she even talk at all?"
Hold back the screams.
"What would happen if I shinned light on her?
Do you think she'd hiss and run away?"
My limit is coming to a close end.
"Let's see what color she bleeds."
Just close your eyes
and imagine it's all just a dream.
It'll be over soon.
"Who does she think she is anyways."
Close your eyes..
Go to sleep,
and hope you wake tomorrow to another day,
from another bad dream.
It'll be over soon sweetheart.
So, just pull your mask down for now,
I'd wait a thousand more just for youOne day I'll smile in the sunI'd wait a thousand more just for you3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
and hold your hand.
One day I'll kiss your lips
and laugh to no end.
One day I'll whisper to you in the dark
and spill all my secrets without a single doubt.
One day I'll stand beside you
and say I love you.
One day I'll be one step closer to you
and no longer be afraid.
One day I'll have the courage to look you in the eye
and admit the truth of all those years I waited.
One day I hope to be yours.
One day I hope you give me that chance.
I'll love you to the end.
DreamsOpen your eyes.Dreams3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Step away from the summer days
and into the winter nights.
Watch the clouds escape and drift to the sky
through broken pale lips.
before you slip away
through the night sky stars.
Grab hold of the tree tops
before they take you away.
Push through the mirrored sky
and walk across the ceiling.
dive into the black water
and fall onto a passing cloud.
Catch a passing bird gingerly
in your small hands.
Close them slowly.
A small rose sits now
in the palm of your hand
Carefully pick it up
and watch it burst
into tiny red sparks.
Fall through the cloud
and land on a bed of singing flowers.
Close your eyes,
but don't fall asleep.
Don't let the dream end just yet.
Listen to the singing flowers.
Feel the splashes of colored clouds against your cheeks
Grow wings and learn to fly.
Meet a young man in the sky.
Take his offered poetic rose
and give him a singing daisy.
Kiss his sweet lips
and watch the stars collide before you.
If only you'll let me.I wrote about you today,If only you'll let me.3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
saw you in my dreams again.
I closed my eyes today,
and imagined your eyes.
I painted them in my mind;
dusted with invisible tears,
painted the color of the sky.
I made them smiling on the outside,
but on the inside,
I could see the pain hidden
in the deep blue irises.
"How broken you must be.."
I often think that to myself.
If only I could help you.
If only your pain was poison,
over flowing in a tainted cup,
I would drink it all down.
If only the broken pieces of your heart
were bits of broken glass,
I would sweep them away with my trembling hands.
If only your broken memories were empty tears,
I would cry every one away, just for you.
Even in my minds eyes,
I can see the smiles are just a lie,
a horrible facade thrown up
in failing attempts to cover yourself.
Let me be the one to tear away the mask.
Let me be the one to hold your hand..
Let me be the one,
to bring back the man,
I once so loved,
so long ago..
Cut FreeI can not see youCut Free3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
The pain rushing through me
I opened the door
You broke it down
1, 2, 3, kill me now
I feel it
This heart you broke
Shards, of utter love
Spread like daggers on my feet
The pool on which I swim
Let me drown within
The lake of red takes me
My new home
Why'd you play me?
Was I not enough
Why'd you lead me?
If you had your life with him
You played me like a doll
Cut them from my wrists
Let me be free from your twists
Lies upon sin upon greed
Broken, untrue, lying
This heart only meant your happiness
Can you tell me
Why you drowned me?
Did you kiss me
While he swam in your heart?
This jagged heart means nothing
I'm walking on air
The space between us
Distance you set forth
You made your choice
Cut me free
I would've been your puppet forever
Now I roam free the lakes of oblivion
Winter DreamOn a day of WinterWinter Dream3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
The sun shinning
The wind caressed the trees
And in the middle of it all
You stood there,
Like a dream
Like a wish
Looking at me
My soul, my being
Walk by my side
Let me put my arms around (you)
Kiss me under the rain
I'll rub your worries away
And at the end of the day
Let's get ice cream
Walk the parks, swim the lakes
Be two people in love
No worries, no sins
Our virgin love, pure and true
On that fateful afternoon
Where our hearts connected
No one can break this bond
No one can stop this symphony of love
Tell me I am yours every day
I'll tell you, you're mine every night
Kiss me under the moonlight
Make a wish
I'll hold my dream
Closer than close
By my side, by my side
Let's run the length of the world
I won't get tired ever
If you're by my side
I will reach the stars, the moon, the light
Kiss me under the stars
On a Winter's afternoon
I'll tell you my dream
You'll be my wish
And we'll kiss
Under the raining sun.
The truthIf you could go a dayThe truth3 years ago in Concrete Poetry More Like This
without telling a lie
I would eat what I say
or at least I would try
For I say you cannot
we are too weak
too easily bought
only happiness we seek
We don't care for what's true
we care only for what's fake
really the sky isn't blue
and hearts don't break
The sky is truely black
and hearts will keep beating
but this reality we lack
in this culture we're breeding
We've corrupted a planet
but we lie to eachother
for we are in no panic
we don't care for one another
If we did we could say
it was my fault for this
and we could see another day
end no longer, in a fake bliss
And though lies decive
reality for me and you
when I say I'll never leave
then that's exactly what I'll do