The Price To Be AliveI never did look, so I never did question,
Your riddled with guilt and unspoken confessions.
Making the effort to push on mile after mile,
Feeling your knife in my back all the while!
I had always thought that you were a part of me!
Now I can't stand the thought of you and I'll never be sorry.
I still just can't believe I let you happen to me!
The thoughts are so maddening and chip away at my sanity...
When you told me I was nothing time itself seemed to have frozen,
And when it finally thawed I found myself somehow more broken!
The pain is so hard to stop; it keeps coming in stronger waves...
I fell down from the very top and right into my open grave!
And you saved me?! Just to break me again?!?!
Why couldn't you let this go so this could finally end?!
I'm so tired of all the thoughts and all the voices in my head!
I hate the whispered words that should never have been said!
You couldn't have really meant it when you wished that I was dead!
I've fallen to the floor
Painful MemoryWhy are you scared?Painful Memory4 years ago in Songs & Lyrics More Like This
It's like you don't know where you are.
You take it step by step but never get very far.
Look at these scars!
How dare you say that they're worthless?!
Keep your opinions to yourself...
And stop pretending you're fucking perfect!
Like the words I never spoke;
Like this dying flame of hope;
Like this web of lies we weaved;
That we both thought we believed...
You're nothing more to me,
Than a painful memory...
It must be hard!
Keeping up with all of your lies,
That you hide the truth behind as you're waiting for it to die!
Look in my eyes!
How dare you say I'm without a purpose?!
Just look at all these scars!
No, not the ones left on the surface!
Like the words I never spoke;
Like the dying flame of hope;
Like this web of lies we weaved;
That we both thought we believed;
You're nothing more to me
Than a painful memory!
Open WoundsWhen you tell me I'm worth nothing, this isn't news to me.Open Wounds4 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
On the surface I look fine 'cause it's inside that I'm suffering.
Trying to find a way to possibly numb the pain...
Trying to break the chains, but these efforts are all in vain.
Maybe if my heart just suddenly stopped beating,
It wouldn't hurt this much and I'd get over this empty feeling...
If I could stop the rain from pouring down from the sky,
Would you be glad I'm alive? Would you finally be satisfied?
So much of me is wasted trying to be your perfect.
Even when it works you make me feel like it isn't worth it.
How can you expect I'll want to try again soon,
When all I ever get are more reasons for open wounds?
I may say that it's okay but It's 'cause I don't know what to do,
When you stand here in front of me and breathe lies like they're truth.
You tell me every little thing that you think that I want to hear,
But little do you know your words are falling upon deaf ears.
So you push me away and pretend that I don't exis
Savior.I have this darkness deep inside me,Savior.4 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
It's what influenced this writing.
I can't control it, I can't fight it,
Barely know it, and can't hide it.
I'm just a mess with no ambition;
So much less than I envisioned.
How much more can I endure?
I don't know, I'm not too sure...
I'm not myself when I'm alone,
And yet I find I'm on my own.
I'm like a lock without a key,
There is no perfect fit for me!...
You're not alone.
Don't think like that.
Pick your head up.
I believe in you.
You can do it.
I love you...
Are you here to prove me wrong?
To make me see the brighter dawn?
With this darker side, this part of me,
How can you love someone like me?
I don't care, I'm glad you do...
Where would I be if it weren't for you?
You pulled me through the worst of times,
I never thought I'd call you mine...
Yes, I'm a mess, but this mess is forever yours.
Together we can unlock and open up these remaining doors.
And I'm not backing down as long as you're by my side...
Hold on to my hand and we'l
Four Words I've Been Dying to Tell You...I'm nothing without you...Four Words I've Been Dying to Tell You...4 years ago in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
Hurts Like HeavenOh. My.Hurts Like Heaven4 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
God, it hurts like heaven;
Longing for all your affection,
Every bit of your attention,
You're a divine intervention.
In this life that's turned to hell.
I can't help it when I reminisce,
In moments that are just like this,
I remember when we had our kiss,
And now how much I really miss,
The times when we weren't separated,
Were the best memories that I've created,
To reunite is long awaited,
I feel like I'm incarcerated,
In my own personal hell.
I can't help it when I think of you...
I hope one day we'll say "I do."
But for now I have to struggle through,
Until the day I get to you...
It won't be long, love, I know we'll be fine...
So, darling, stay strong and keep your hand held in mine...
I'll never let you go and I'll always make amends...
I'll hold on to you forever, or until forever ends...
Broken Promises.I nailed my heart back into my chest-Broken Promises.4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
And wiped my tears when you disappeared.
I see no hope for us.
I think we're over and done,
Death is calling my name-
You have left me in vain.
I hope your life is fucking swell,
That your love finds its match somewhere in hell.
I wish you almost the best-
And offer another apology to the list.
I couldn't be whom you wanted,
Couldn't rise up to your expectations.
I'm sorry I couldn't change.
Sorry I couldn't be,
Your perfect little baby.
It's time for me to go-
Maybe I'll come back as a pretty ghost.
All I know is,
I'll always love you.
Please Come Home...I've not grown used to this...Please Come Home...4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I'm not used to being alone...
And I've had enough of it...
For too long I've been without you...
I have so much to say...
Will I ever get the chance...?
I long for our forever...
To stay lost in our romance...
And I've not grown used to this!
I'm not used to being alone!
I miss our everything!
Won't you please, come
I miss our everything...
The warmth of your embrace...
The way you'd hold me...
The way you made me feel safe...
I long to feel you once more...
And taste the sweet of your kiss...
I want how it was just before...
We were seperated like this...
Cause I'll not get to used to it!
Used to you being gone!
And I miss our everything!
Won't you please, Darling,
Won't you -please- come
With YouI woke up and it was yesterdayWith You4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
And I remembered the feelings
You said I don't care anymore
God, I remember everything
Like it's happening now
As I fall back down to the floor
And again I lay awake
In this lifeless place
That never was a part of me
And I tried so, hard to be
Beyond the shadow of a doubt
The person there beside you
That you can't live without
But you just pushed away
You made no effort
And won't even hear me out
I don't know how we lost our way
And it's killing me inside
I just want to scream and shout
But you won't hear me
You never do
It's like I'm screaming to the empty air
Even though you're right next to me
I can't feel your presence
Were you ever even really there?
HurricaneI don't really knowHurricane4 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
How all of this came to be
When I already know
She can do better than me
I feel like she's the desert
And whenever I hold her hand
I realize that makes me
Nothing more than a grain of sand
I can't help but ask myself
How is it that she's with me?
I'm just a mess when I'm alone
And I'm fucking up constantly
In every way, shape, and form
Like the calm of the night
Or like the eye of a storm
(And if that storm were to break...)
I always have the thought
That if people were rain
l would be just a drop
And she'd be the hurricane...
The Secrets These Walls Hold - DarkShutter the light and let the darkness prevail.The Secrets These Walls Hold - Dark4 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
If no one can see then who will know that I failed?
I swear I really tried and that I gave it my all;
I'm painfully aware of every one of my flaws...
I simply lay awake unsure if it's night or day,
Covered and consumed by the weight of this crushing darkness.
I hide from my mistakes and I hope that they'll go away,
Believing myself when I say that I'm really heartless...
Now more than ever I need to feel like I did before;
Like a million white roses missing none of their thorns.
You were the only reason I had left to be saved,
To fill the hole in my heart that was becoming my grave...
Trapped inside myself already bursting at the seams;
Concealing everything I wouldn't tell to another soul.
Pouring my confessions as involuntary screams,
Telling of the secrets that these walls will forever hold...
Tortured SoulShe is my worst enemy.Tortured Soul4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
She tortures me everyday.
Pushes me around and gives me bruises.
She calls me names.
She destroys me on the inside,
And on the out.
She never leaves me alone.
She strives to kill me.
A few times, she's even cut me.
Cut my body with knives.
She hurts me and tortures me.
Physically, mentally and emotionally.
And the saddest part of it all?
My own worst enemy...
Something To Lose.Is this all I am to you?Something To Lose.4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Just something to lose?
Someone to hurt?
To hit and abuse?
For that would leave marks
Not even mentally
You go straight for the heart
Like a waterfall cascading
It won't ever stop
I'll be here still waiting
Or so I once thought
I can never fight this feeling
But I can't help that it's here
Maybe it'd be best
If I could just disappear...
If Ever I Lost YouWhat weighs on your mind?If Ever I Lost You3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
What's taking up your time?
You tell me not to worry and you swear you're really fine
Please open up to me
Tell me of your fears
You know I'll kiss the scars and I'll wipe away your tears
Don't keep it to yourself
You know you're not alone
I couldn't live my life without you ever coming home
I'd be so lost inside
I wouldn't recognize
The person that I see in the reflection of your eyes
Just tell me you're okay, and that you love me too
I don't know what I'd do
If ever I lost you…
Completely.I am darkness personified.Completely.3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
An abyss so drenched in black
That it leaves me
My heart is a facade
It’s a useless beating lie
Because I've never felt a thing
Except for dead inside.
It’s a war I wage
Inside of my ribcage
That kills me a little more
I like to pretend too
That somewhere beneath the pain
There’s a way I can break through
But I already know…
Things will never be the same.
I lost absolutely everything
I can’t apologize enough
That I didn’t know who to be
When you said that you needed me
My scars are like chains
That keep me from falling apart
What I Can't EraseLike the gnarled roots of an old decaying treeWhat I Can't Erase3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I’m twisted and confused, tired of being me
On the surface I am strong, abrasively calm, and ready
But underneath it all I’m weak, wrong, and unsteady
I shudder at the wind; tell tale of death’s bringer
I feel the chill upon my spine; forever it seems to linger
Now is not the time for cleansing wounds of past battles
Worse is lurking just beyond the howling darkness of the shadows
There isn't much that I can do against an army borne of fear
Every nightmare, all my demons, they’re all assembled here
They’re everything that I’m ashamed to say is part of me
The ugly truth behind my eyes no one should ever see
And if I held my ground would it be too much to face?
Or should I just ignore what I know I can’t erase?
It Isn't Wrong...I used your words to form an apologyIt Isn't Wrong...3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Because I didn’t know another way
To make you acknowledge me
But I’m still here, you know
As much as I was a year ago
I’m going in blind and taking shots in the dark
But I’m pulling every word from the bottom of my heart
I’ve had a lot of time to see things straight
You’re someone that I love, that I could never hate
That’s why every time I tried forgetting about you
I couldn’t force myself to do what I had to do
Now I can see your pain, I’m sorry I put you through it
If there was one thing I could change
You know that I would undo it
I don’t want to live, I don’t want to breathe
The reason we’re like this is all because of me
I don’t want you to be yet another closing door
You think I could care less, darling, I couldn’t care more
Take away from this all the evidence you need
I miss you just as much as you say you miss me
I want this forced silence to come to
AlmostThis place brings back so many memoriesAlmost3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Each one reminding me what I had
Sometimes, I can’t stand it and I fall to my knees
I can’t believe I had perfection…
And I just let it slip away.
I wish I could tell you, but I don’t know what you’d say
You were my best friend, my everything
You were a part of me and I let you get away
So much for meaning every word that you say…
I wish I could tell you how right you were
I should’ve treated you better and been more mature
But you opened my eyes though it hurt me sometimes
To see how much we were falling apart…
Neither one of us tried; I wish you didn’t just leave
It kills me not knowing what I should feel
Or what to believe
But you probably won’t see this, not this time
And you’ll never know how much this has torn me apart…
Soon EnoughI know things have been kind of roughSoon Enough4 years ago in Songs & Lyrics More Like This
Though I've put forth my best
It's just never enough
And I'm sorry...
To me, things have felt so unreal
I can't believe you've stolen my heart
But I love the way that you make me feel
And it kills me that we're so far apart
I wish more than anything that you could be here
To kiss all my scars and wipe all of these tears
And I'm sorry I can't be much more
You know I'm a mess, and I've told you before
That still I promise I'll forever be yours...
I'll be there with you soon enough
You're all that I've needed
And you're all I think of
So don't worry...
To me, this all happened so fast
It's hard to simply take everything in
Despite this distance I know that we'll last
And I swear that I will hold you again
I wish more than anything that I could be there
To taste your sweet kiss and to play with your hair
So don't worry I promise I'll try to be more
You know I'm a mess, and I've told you before
That still I promise I'll forever be yours...
Cowards Way OutDid you really think,Cowards Way Out4 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
That taking the cowards way out,
Would prove anything,
Except all of our worst fears?
Did you even think,
About the ones that you have now?
And the pain that you'd bring,
If you were to leave them all here...?
Do you really think,
You're life is just so horribly unbearable,
That you need to take this knife,
And do something you know is terrible?!
How many times,
Have I told you it isn't worth it?
How selfish of you,
To expect your life to be picture perfect.
Let Them In.With my back to the doorLet Them In.3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I can’t help but fall to the floor
Out of breath, out of time
Out of sight, out of my mind
They’re tempting me; they lead astray
They mark my words; I am their prey
I can’t fight them anymore
So let them in and end this war
Leave me to my demons
Let them have at me
And strip me of my reasons
To ever be happy
I am broken enough
So that they fit in the cracks
I never wanted to be this
But now there’s no turning back
Let them take control
Because without you in my life
This is how a person like myself
Can ever become whole.
But Nobody KnowsI can't tell myBut Nobody Knows4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Tears from the rain
The hurt from the pain
My life from this game
It's all just the same
And it hurts me so badly
That you're so mad at me
I can't stop me from breaking
My hands are still shaking
Knees are so weak
I can't stay on my feet
So I fall to the ground
And I hope to be found
It's this feeling inside me
That I've never missed
It corrodes and divides me
Puts scars on my wrist
It controls and divides me
Fuels the fire inside me
Destroys all I make
Creates all my hate
I'm not that one in a million
The diamond in the rough
I'm just one more person
Who's finally had enough
Of hiding from hurt
And dealing with pain
But nobody knows
Cause I cry in the rain