i want you because i shouldn't want you at alli want you like i want succulent strawberries dripping over a white lacy dress,
i want you like i want complete silence on a sweltering august night,
i want you like it's dead rats melting over hot gutters and then it's your hot guts on my body.
i want you and your collarbones tied to my strings of saliva,
i want you smelling like you're some wild wolverine with incisors as sharp as rose petals,
i want you broken and bleeding just so i can nourish your wounds.
i want you dangerously close and always so,
i want you angry as you are passionate,
i want you in ways i don't even understand.
you lied the night you kissed me.there is a thick exhaustion in the pit of my stomach, spreading to my shouldersyou lied the night you kissed me.3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
till they hang and to my knees until they buckle. and I will sleep for days on end,
and when I wake up I didn't really.
I hate you dear, I hate you so.
because there is so much to do, I could travel to the other side of the country and
paint a portrait of a stranger and I could sit on top of someone's roof and look at the
stars with a boy I don't want to know and I could fall asleep in his bed and listen to
him playing guitar without clothes and he'd take me out for diner and anywhere I'd
want to go and we'd have sex in his car and on the trampoline in my back yard and
we'd eat at my grandparents with Christmas and it would never be enough because
he's everything you weren't.
I think I lost myself, I think I fell out that time you ran away holding onto me and my
skin tore. I looked for her in that empty hole in your chest cavity, but all I found was
lost so long ago, and you wouldn't show me where it went b
you are my careful ghosti. The air is thick and I'm drinking you in like sunlight through a silver straw,you are my careful ghost3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I'm feeling like my spine has come unzipped and my crayola red innards have become exposed to the cool air,
you're like the slivers in my fingers that I can't pull out,
maybe I should try scraping off layers of skin with tweezers,
goodbye dead cells, hello fresh meat,
damn, why are you so fresh as fuck.
ii. A whirlpool has developed beneath my chest so there goes my sense of sanity,
actually it's more like boiling water, bubbling, spewing out passed my eyes,
and all I've been asking for is for you to either take me or let me go,
let's be honest, I could try to say I am over this whole thing
but I'm not and I don't even want to be.
iii. So let's forget the world,
get lost in each others skin,
tracing ribs like jail bars,
running hands over heartbeats,
brushing lips with lonely aches.
helium balloon lungsi. You write me notes scribbled on sandpaperhelium balloon lungs3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
and I run them across my face,
scraping away layers of saccharine skin,
ii. Your eyes, made of cookie crumbs,
I'd like to dip them in milk
and watch them melt,
smoking like dry ice,
iii. You churn my childish heart
in circles and in circles
till I slip into cardiac arrest,
iv. I just remembered that time you
wrapped your arms around me like vines
and held me until you couldn't,
v. Oh what I'd give for a pair of
fortune cookie lungs,
exhaling self-fulfilling prophecy,
vi. I've been fishing for horoscopes,
pasting them onto my bedroom walls
and on the backside of my skin,
hoping that they tell me that
today is the day you will be mine,
vii. But your soul is made up of sins
and I do believe in forgiveness,
but forgive me, for I cannot forget.
Not AfraidI'm not afraid to tell youNot Afraid3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I miss you
I'm not afraid to show you
I love you.
I'm not afraid to
Let you inside, past the walls.
Nor could I be afraid,
To kiss you in public.
I am not afraid to be,
I am not afraid to,
Nor could I be afraid,
To tear out a heart,
And take a bite.
For tearing out mine.
LovesickLovesickLovesick5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I'm allergic to you:
your scent makes me tremble.
Each time our bodies touch,
my skin tingles;
like millions of electrified needles
are stabbing at my heart.
And yes, I'm ill:
your voice gives me fever.
Every time you look at me,
I'm dazzled by the shine;
it's as if thousands of silver spiders
are weaving glistering webs into your eyes.
You're slowly killing me:
I can barely breathe when you are not with me,
because I'm buried, underneath the craving,
in which you've dug my coffin when you said goodbye.
I'm lovesick for you.
I wish for a worldI wish for a world where I can be free,I wish for a world3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Where the deaf can hear and the blind can see.
I wish for a world where people show love,
Where people believe in the one who's above.
I wish for a world where evil will cease,
Where people don't die from a horrid disease.
I wish for a world with no rich nor poor,
A place where the starving will hunger no more.
I wish for a place where there will be no death,
A place full of content and not of regrets.
I wish for a place that is free of these crimes,
A place where people don't waste any time.
I wish for a place where all people care,
Where people don't mock you or laugh and just stare.
I wish for a place where people are good,
A place where nobody will ever beg for food.
I wish for a place where no one will lie,
A place full of happiness where no one will die.
I wish for a place where no one will cry,
Where no one will ever give a painful little sigh.
I wish for a place where all will have friends,
A place full of joys that never ends.
I wish for
don't you stop 'til you know you're gonethe bone-flutes are flooding out my lucidity.don't you stop 'til you know you're gone3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
nothing makes sense, but everything belongs.
the sheets are oily and hot on my skin.
exhausted, i try to escape,
only to drop out of reality and through the floors.
preludesi.preludes3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
blue rose into the city backdrop
like balloons, a million for the
morning sun prelude.
i've not slept a dream
but i have cried a salty face
and letters spilled like beans
into my moleskine,
almost as virgin as i once was
with few stories between my covers.
the kettle's belly boils
like my head upon a pillow.
i am guilty for rarely finishing my tea
even when i use the small mugs;
pour, rinse, repeat.
perhaps today i will play dead.
perched behind my blinds
it dawns on me that i am surrounded
by walled neighbours, strangers,
they're just preludes to lovers
the way i am always
prelude to the one.
I Still Love YouI'm sorry I'm not perfectI Still Love You3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I'm sorry I can only try
But it hurts when you get angry
And you don't say why
You look at me in tears
Sometimes you almost shout
The frustration you bring upon me
The anger you bring out
I'm mad because I care
I want nothing more than to see you smile
I just want to help
And believe me
I'll be here a while
When you cry
My eyes tear at the seams
When you're sad
Rain clouds haunt my dreams
But when you laugh or smile
My lips curl up too
You still just make me so happy, I only wish I could express
How much I still love you.
maybe you never belonged to meI can still feel the weight of your lips on the curve of my collarbone. Sometimes, it feels paralyzing, crushing, absolute. Sometimes, it feels like home. Like everything.maybe you never belonged to me2 years ago in Flash Fiction & Vignettes More Like This
I once heard that when you can't fall asleep it means you're awake in someone else's dream. I wonder which one of us was dreaming that night, because everything was too quiet, too easy, too perfect. You used to fall asleep next to me, your body curled against mine. It's a warmth that's not easy to forget. A hidden smile tucked into pillows and sheets. It's easy to think these things will last forever when you're tangled up together. For me, the strings of my life will always be tangled up in yours. Forever tied to you. No matter hard they attempt to fray. To fall apart. To sever.
It's snowing for the first time this year. Soft and gentle, glittering in the sunlight, falling in large flakes, easy and quiet – nothing at all like the storm that rages inside of me, turning up the corners of my heart, throwing shrapnel
the world is only gonna break your heart.You allowed me a glance inside of you, opened your ever-shut mouth so I could leanthe world is only gonna break your heart.2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
into it and look down. It was ugly. It was a total mess down there; it was all yellow with
bitterness, and knotted with heartache. And I just wanted to climb down past your tonsils,
down your larynx and into your chest to clean up the mess. I could untie you, or at least
I could try to. You know I don't like cleaning much but I'd scrub your walls and fix you
up and let in a little sunlight. Still you closed your mouth and when you opened it again it
was all tongue and alcohol and hunger for mine.
You never allow me inside, you never allow me past the front door, leaving me like a
little whore in the alley behind your house. We've been there before, sixteen times or
more, but none of this ever changes. I won't stop wanting you, and you won't stop running
away, and I won't give up and you won't stop fucking me up or over or on my mother's
couch at 7am.
Now it's 6am and we're in your best friend's apartment
your boy-FriendHis name is Mr. Perfect,your boy-Friend3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
And a flawless match for you.
You told me that you love him,
And I am told he loves you too.
But I hear that he is moving,
That there's another girl.
I hear he thinks your cheating.
And wonders where you got the pearls.
I hear he stayed out late last night,
Just right after you had a fight,
And made a big mistake.
I guess he wasn't flawless after all,
Mr. perfects just a fake.
So put on the pearls I bought.
For the birthday he forgot.
It's too bad he couldn't come today,
He must be TIED up or far away.
I'll light the candles so make a wish
Isn't it amazing
The smallest ripples can scare the fish?
Between You and Me.I never believed you,Between You and Me.2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I only wanted to.
Lying back to back
I was counting your breaths
to make sure your lack of
didn't leave you
Like a ghost
the fading memories of your touch
what I was trying to forget.
Oh, why did I give it up to you?
I know it's my fault.
My expectations were greater than
what you were willing to offer,
and I got scared.
I tried shutting you out,
to gather myself together
behind a shield of apathy,
but only ended up in
Your kiss never tasted as
as the last time
I made love to you...
Don't SayDon't say: "Let's just be friends",Don't Say3 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
It's kinder by far
To break a bird's neck than it's
Don't say: "I'd like some time apart",
Though it's easier I know,
To put the cat out than teach it to use
The litter tray
Don't say: "I love you, but "
Because the messenger's shot
Regardless of the good news that precedes
Don't say: "It's over",
It's a kindness (of sorts)
To pull the wool over little lamb's
Don't say: "Stay" though (well,
Not unless you mean it),
Don't lift me to the sky after you broke my
And I will Always be the MoonWe have gotten so attached to these days and these months,And I will Always be the Moon3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
but a deer doesn't know a Tuesday from a Thursday
and a caribou can't comprehend that it was born on a September afternoon,
but they can understand this instant, this moment, this breath,
only now, no longer the past, and only the future when they get there,
there's a healthy lack of awareness in that,
escaping the fear of death but thriving off the instinct to live,
everything so primal and based off gut reactions,
I guess you could say ignorance is bliss,
but ignorance only actually applies when it comes to humanity,
oh I would like a life like that,
one that is organic, tangible, and ripe with bloody berries,
one where carnal creatures run rampant,
one where we rise from the dirt with muddy thighs
because we were bred into these earthly bodies
to hold seconds in our palms like newborn children,
and to throw our heads back and howl against the awareness that we are dying,
for oh this skin is only our host,
the earth doesn't deserve youdear janet,the earth doesn't deserve you3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
it is true that I have become
the woman of the dark
who doesn't bring good dreams. i know
some nights you have your hand pressed to your heart
trying to rip the
all of you out, some fucking way
it's got to give in sometime
I know that your bed
(laden with mother's sweet quilts
that tangle like ropes 'round
has become your
chamber, with your legs bent like
chains towards your chest, and the air
an insoluble breath that
drowns you in
I know that God's
fucked you in so many ways
not even a man would,
pulled your beautiful locks right from your skull
and dragged your perfect
humanity straight down the stairs
I know that,
while you struggle for the
dial tone and my
nine oh four five,
your heart has become the desperate ring
of my phone
that I never
mitosis always broke my heartAstors of minute fortunesmitosis always broke my heart2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
b l o o m e d
when electricity created function from
You were an extension of me -
my only viable chromatid -
connected at our centromere
was the heart
They progressed, those star-fire
petals, attac(k)hing us
to something more
and on this mitotic spindle, we were
naive to know
this is it,
our ignored forementioned goodbyes.
We were broken at the thorax,
our H's became I's,
our union became two singular coils of
We were on separate poles of the
we were separated by phospholipids
life was given to another replay
of the same story.
We were only a microsecond tragedy.
He Calls Me BeautifulHe Calls Me BeautifulHe Calls Me Beautiful3 years ago in Concrete Poetry More Like This
He calls me beautiful
And I don't believe him
Because my eyes are too full
Of the tears I almost drowned in
He wraps his arms around me
And kisses my damp, salty hair
But I still can't see
Even if I know he cares
The competition has taken its toll
And I'm too tired to stand
He doesn't let me fall
So he guides me by the hand
It is like learning to walk all over again
Because I learn that rushing forward
Blind big steps lead to a tragic end
And he stays with me for the hard part
He calls me beautiful
And I don't understand
Why he's being a tool
Loving me when I can't
He has soothed me with a lullabye
In my darkest nights
In his arms I cry
I don't resist or fight
He doesn't judge my faults
As they come pouring out
He gently takes my flaws
Tying to keep the pain out
It is like falling asleep
You're unprepared for the dreams
If they're memories you keep
Or visions that tear you from the seams
You call me beautiful
And you kiss my lips
My silence is inexcusab
after you diedi.after you died6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
they asked me if there was something
of yours that I wanted to keep
to keep your eyelashes, your breath,
I said this, and they looked
sad, said they meant did I want your
clothes and possessions, your things
I didn't know what I wanted
cradling my head with my arms and
quietly saying no over and over
dry with the taste of morning sickness
and old seawater
a month later, I wanted all your clothes
I was scrub-faced and tired
of the walls hurt my eyes, buried in wet
towels, sleeping naked on the floor every
I fucked somebody else
after the funeral
"somebody else" sounds wrong now
as if you are still alive, kissing
my shoulder in the morning
I'd taken cocaine
and it made a sound in my ears like a hummingbird
like someone banging on a door or just that tiny high pitched scream
that someone starts to make when they have grown tired of crying
your mother was fixing my hair in the kitchen
a bobby pin tucked
by association.don't shoot the messengerby association.2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
she told herself
but her aim was unsteady
and the wind blew her off target
they were all rotten anyway.
nervous ticki. i curse you some nights, kicking the soil around your grave and daring younervous tick3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
double fucking daring you to be alive somehow
ii. i heard you at my grave. my god your face has lengthened, your jaw was so slack and wide and i nearly lost it
lost it like you clearly already have.
i want to tell you i do. i'm alive, in most ways at least
iii. your mail still rattles my door of a morning hiding in with mine like it can sneak past me
past my dulled senses and weakened barrier.
everything is numb.
vi. a shadow. thats all that i am now, friend.
i have tried dialing numbers or scrawling words but they don't come.
imagine that, me, out of words.
i am not myself anymore
v. solitude will be the death of me.
i'd swear to god, but you've ruined that too
you logical bastard.
my pen never changed a thing.we laid in flower filled fieldsmy pen never changed a thing.3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
until we could not
stand, we broke our
backs so we'd never have to
bones repair themselves
like i never could,
everyone always leaves.
i swore i'd do my best to
stay, but with you
backing up so far,
it's hard to not keep moving
(it's the precept i was born to)
i've written so many
times about us drowning
together that water drips
from my pen instead of
i can still feel the
sweet, sweet salt in my
my dreams of stranger tides, i
ended up back at the lake-
front at 3am
boats were coming, going,
wondering which one
could take me to you,
back to you, as it were,
it's not falling anymore, the map
has reversed itself, i'd
have to climb mountains on my
you, letting myself
i'm not strong enough
for this anymore.
my pen never changed a thing.
Always on my mindEvery time my eyes open or close,Always on my mind3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Every time I blink,
Whenever I can or can't see,
I can always see you.
Every time I take a nap,
Every time I go to sleep,
Whenever I lay down to rest,
I always dream of you.
Every time I pick up a crayon or marker,
Every time I decide to paint or draw,
Whenever I see a blank canvas,
I always picture you.
And I just want you to know that every time I think, I think only of you. Because you are always on my mind.