Up All NightI've been up all night,
Fighting a war I can't win,
This theological fight,
That I'm having with no one but me.
My blankets twist and wrinkle
Thinking of my flaws,
My shallow thoughts, my heart so fickle.
Crying so much that I make my throat raw.
I don't know if I can trust
Myself for all that I've done
My voice turned to rust
As I cry out for someone, anyone.
I need someone to hold me.
To tell me it's all okay.
Holding me, but still setting me free.
I need to be loved.
She Was a Stormcloudshe was a stormcloud, and you loved her,She Was a Stormcloud3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
and the two of you took walks and wore
nothing but promises,
broken chains and
strands of pinkish pearls.
and the two of you kissed under trees that attracted silver lightning
(metal branches scraped the sky, and you, always faithful,
tipped your coat over her head to keep her dry.)
but she never stayed that way.
in an instant, she had whirled into the rain
and danced without clothes,
and she left you
with the pain of frostbite on your naked skin
where you trusted her to kiss you warm,
and you thought you heard her laughter
when the sun came out again the next day,
and the next.
she was a stormcloud, and you loved her,
and you didn't know it at the time but
(and they never
It Isn't MutualI think this is moreIt Isn't Mutual3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Than just a crush.
More than just one reason that every time
I see you, I blush.
I don't want to call it 'love'
'Cause I think that might be rushing.
I don't want to sound like a fangirl,
With all this mushy gushing.
The only thing is-
You don't feel the same.
You don't have the fireworks or fiz,
When you hear my name.
This like isn't mutual.
And it breaks my heart to know,
That you have eyes for another.
It takes my heart to a new low.
I know I must take a leave, go.
But since all the words out of your mouth keep me hanging,
Since you've had me at the first "hello."
I'm afraid of what I'll be left with, once I move on.
One ThoughtYou know that one thought,One Thought3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
That makes you squirm inside?
Maybe it makes you giggle,
Like your stomach is bringing in the tide?
That one thought,
That makes you double take,
Maybe makes you feel fake?
It could be a loving thought,
Maybe "I love you"?
But maybe it makes you stomach feel taught,
Like another friend gone.
That one thought always in the back of your mind,
But when you dig to find it,
Sometimes it's hard to find.
'Cause you push it to the back.
That thought that maybe makes you hate
Of maybe makes you believe in fate.
Or inquires who you really are.
It gives you feelings that you didn't know you had.
Gives you maybe hatred, love, anger
Remember that you shouldn't feel bad.
Remember that it's only one thought.
Poem from the PavementThere are stony faced facadesPoem from the Pavement2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
imposing judgement upon my daily viewscape.
They clutch a fence to them like cards
as if to hide their poker face behind.
I am a step away from them
behind festivous displays of success
the pride of the University plathered
over hardnosed metal.
On this side, between the rock
and the green space,
I hang a yellow satchel from my self
and paint myself with painkillers and Prozac
as I try to find the perfect place to be.
Somewhere dreamy by the lake,
under the wise eyes of a beloved castle.
In the clutches of a tree cluster
in the shadow of a fallen oak.
With hard edges and cornices,
bright colours and Tetris windows.
With lush grass, reality's stench presiding,
I search for my place.
On the inside, between a rock
and a hard place,
I strangle down my anxiety and fear -
paint myself with painkillers and Prozac
and try to be the person I always wanted to be.
Sorry.So yes I am sorrySorry.3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
But know that I care,
I know that you worry
I know you despair-
I wish that you wouldn't
But I guess you can't stop,
I know that you didn't
Feel like you could help.
I know that feeling
And I know that it kills,
To be truly helpless
When your lover hurts.
I know that I shouldn't
But yes I still cut,
And I wish that you wouldn't
But how can you not?
So yes I am sorry.
And I promise I'll stop
Because I know that you worry,
For the one that you love.
Why?Why?Why?3 years ago in Emotional More Like This
Why was I cursed with these size C tumors on my chest?
Why do I have this silly curve at my waist?
Why do my friends and family refer to me with ugly names like "her" and "she"?
Why is there an empty space between my legs?
Why can people tell me "You're a really ugly girl"?
Why won't people call me "A nice guy"?
Why don't my parents love me for who I am?
Why have my friends left me because I'm in the wrong body?
Why am I abused at school?
Why did that boy on my bus try to rape me?
Why don't I want sex?
Why have I never truly considered someone "Hot" or "Sexy"?
Why can I love someone without being attracted to them?
Why does no one care about me?
Why can't I trust anyone except my closest friend?
Why do my male friends say "If only you were a boy"?
Why do I hate myself?
Why must I wait seven years to change myself?
Why am I...... a girl..?
My name is Kameryn Theresa Pratt, and I am an asexual female to male transgender.
Speed DialI walk downstairs andSpeed Dial3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
dial the phone
with my eyes closed
and instead of the moan
of a stranger's dial tone,
someone picks up and says
that the leaves are turning
where she is
and the wind is cold
and the lake has grown hard
-what do you Americans call it,
when you can see yourself like glass?
Ice, you call it ice,
the lake has become ice
and her English is poor
but she has always wanted to visit
the United States of
America. So I tell her
it's alright here
and in some places the sun
burns hot throughout the winter
but we have places
with red trees and ice as well.
She thanks me and the receiver
and we are worlds away
as I contemplate pressing redial
but eventually decide against it.
Be Mine ForeverHold me tight; stroke my hair,Be Mine Forever3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Kiss my lips and twirl me in mid air.
Call me Luv; watch me pray,
Lock me in your arms and caress away.
Sing me songs; brush my tears,
Just let me clutch and my fears shall disappear.
Recite my jokes; and the silly bed-time stories,
Make me accept and bring back the glory.
Be my hope; the one who always inspires,
As you are the one who my heart desires.
Be my strength; show me light,
Watch the stars be aligned tonight.
Show me reality; make me believe.
Else love is the last thing I shall ever perceive.
Whispered wordsJust a few words whispered to youWhispered words3 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
In your ear is what I want to do
Words you have heard often now
and you keep hearing if you allow
Words I will repeat and repeat
Every one for you a treat
You know what you will again hear
The words I whisper in your ear
Spoken soft and slow
My voice creaking low
They are only a few
I whisper: "I love you"
I missI missI miss3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
the feeling of
your soft skin
the sore in
my paining heart
when you're away
you gave me
always and ever
returned to me
you my love
as I stand here
before your fresh grave
For YouListen:For You3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I would be lying if I said that I didn't
Think of you every time I close my eyes,
That my mind doesn't wander to thoughts
Of you whenever I'm lonely,
That I don't whisper your name
While I sleep.
Truth be told, I am inevitably in love with you.
In a way that makes my heart skip a beat every time
I see you smile, every time I hear you laugh.
It's the fact that I still get butterflies whenever
You lightly whisper my name in my ear
That lets me know we are something more.
Nothing has ever seemed so comforting than
The feeling of your arms wrapped around my waist.
I smile up to you as we share a brief connection of
Soft lips and grazing teeth that makes me swoon.
Believe me when I say that I think of you
Every time I close my eyes,
That my mind always wanders to thoughts
Of you when I'm lonely,
That I whisper your name while I sleep.
Believe me when I say that I love you,
That there's nowhere I'd rather be
Than with you.
Make it rainFeel the hurt,Make it rain3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Feel the pain.
Let it go,
And make it rain.
Caressed by subtle lips,
And liquid finger tips.
Our cheeks brush,
Its more than enough.
But then she's lost.
Consumed by the now,
Restrained by the then
And overwhelmed by what's to come.
Sleeping fear and waking dread.
Monsters hiding under your bed.
Twisting turns, squirming threads,
Dancing lights throughout your head.
You must be willing to risk it all,
Standing strong to watch it fall.
I'll grab your hand through all the pain,
And pull you out as I make it rain.
Across the RiftBecause of who I amwho I've been, and my experiences during theAcross the Rift3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
transitionmy fingers tend to obtain a death grip on what I dub
give them an inch and they'll take a mile, gravitating further and further
with each inch so hesitantly given.
I couldn't bear to loosen my grip anymore;
I held the leash as close as allowed, feeling very clearly
each time you roughly pulled in the opposite direction.
Calluses were built, and leashes eventually clutched tighter,
So of course I'd find letting go hard.
Our TomorrowsAll...all my yesterdays,Our Tomorrows3 years ago in Songs & Lyrics More Like This
They don't matter,
That's what I always say
But I was wrong,
And I am now,
I know it beyond a doubt,
Because you lifted me up,
Held my hand and soul,
And gave me love
And my yesterdays...became...
The pain, the hurting,
All that it takes to be me
So that I could be free
And when I look into your eyes,
I am always surprised...
At what I see
You brought me from the darkness,
You illuminated my night,
Filled me through with wonder,
Bathed me in such light,
And so forever, is an easy promise to make
You brought me back to life,
And there is no way that I,
Will ever again forsake,
All...all my todays,
They seem to fade away,
Just because I can see you, and feel Love's proof
I believe that we belong,
That together we can right any wrong,
And it is for you...
That I raise my voice in song
You slipped into my heart,
Now we are one, never apart,
Not even if we wanted...to be
The anger, the frustration,
Beloved sleepBeloved sleepBeloved sleep3 years ago in Concrete Poetry More Like This
The shadows consumed my mind
No happy thoughts just dark instead
O dear sleep come to me
Even if you'll bring your nightmares along
Come to me and release me
from the claws of the demon that travels in my mind
Keep me away from reality
Let me hide behind your fantasy
Away from the shadows
That hunt me in the dead of night
Wanted Disorders"Stop eatingWanted Disorders3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
You're too fat
You can't possibly eat more
You need to purge now
You're so darn fat"
These are the thoughts
That are running through my mind
I want to be skinny
More than anything in the world
I want to be anorexic
I want to be bulimic
Yet, I can't seem to do it
I can't get myself to stop eating
I can't get myself to purge
But I crave it
I crave that feeling of hollowness in my stomach
Accompanied with satisfaction
Knowning that I could drop the weight so fast
I could become that beautiful skinny girl
That I know is lurking inside of me
But is trapped by all this fat
I know I can be gorgeous
I just can't get there
But I'm working on it
I shall become anorexic
I shall become bulimic
I shall drop that weight
I have no care of consequences
All I want is results
And this is how I shall achieve them.
Old FeelingsOld feelings I see in youOld Feelings3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
You never really got over them properly
I just rush in to stop the process of that
I hopped in too quickly
I should have let you recover
But if I did what would have happened?
Would you had love me? Would you had love another person?
Would you ever love again?
These questions ran through my mind
And now you are in this mood
A mood of you don't know what to do anymore
You feel trap, wanting to escape
I'm here to help but you wanted to throw it away
Which makes me feel useless, alone, unwanted
That's why I was sighing a lot lately
You made me feel lost, making me not knowing where to go
You say I have a bright future, but I don't know what to do with it
Having a decent income, a family it's there but the question is, would you be in it?
I want you to be in it, I want you to happy again
But it seems you are just confused and frustrated
I try to turn that around but you are not wanting it
You want to try on your own, trying to find yourself
People always want to f
A Thousand LashesA Thousand LashesA Thousand Lashes3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
You never think about what you say
How every harsh word is like a crack of a whip
One lash, two, then more and more
Before long my heart is bleeding and bare
Is this what you wanted?
For me to be completely broken and weak?
Before long this is all I can feel around you
Beaten and unworthy
Of the love I gave you so graciously
Every hateful word is another thorn in my heart
Another lash to my back
Sticks and stones may break my bones
But your words have defiantly hurt me
A thousand lashes
A thousand lies
A thousand painful ways to die
But I still love you
DetrimentalLike scars on your wristsDetrimental3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Your eyes told it all
And everyone who saw them
Was irrevocably enthralled
Like the drugs on this table
Your smile was addictive
Was all that it afflicted
Like a schizophrenia patient
Your voice rang in our heads
Making it impossible to forget
A single word that you said
Like the worst alcoholic
You had me constantly inebriated
With you, my worst feelings
Were immediately alleviated
Some might say I should stay away
Because you're so dastardly
But that's what makes it fun
Because I like what's bad for me.
Psychotic LoveThe tears of the sky..Psychotic Love3 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
They cleanse the red.....
Born from a lie....
A light now dead
Like swirls of insanity
Dropping into masses...
As pain encompasses
The sky dressed in grey
Sings a song of forlorn
What price must I pay?
To mend what is torn...
I who stole lives
Gained life from you....
I who saw lies
Lies, you made true.....
My darkened soul
In pieces, so broken
You made it whole....
Is it heavens's token?
Like the heavenly sun....
Silence these voices that torment me so
Showing me things I dont wish to know
Deep within the depths of my heart
Is a desire that tears me apart....
Sliding down is a shard of regret
That broke from the ash grey sky
The pain born from your death....
Is happiness but a mere lie?
Embracing the rain...
Drenched and wet...
Embracing the pain
This yearning regret
I cried and I cried...
But you werent there...
I lied and I lied....
Life just isnt fair
By the song of a gun
Why is t
Real problems - Not killing people.Bullied every day, in and out, my apathy is my best friend.Real problems - Not killing people.3 years ago in Concrete Poetry More Like This
I never cared, the cuts would heal, broken bones would mend.
But every time it happened, there was a voice, whispering.
Kill them, you know you can, unleash your anger, give in.
That's the worst thing for me, about being bullied.
Not the pain, not the humiliation, but being restrained.
If I could unleash it all, I'd feel so much better...
Go on, unleash yourself, make yourself feel better!
No! I can't, and I honestly don't want to.
It's too much hassle after, being hated for what I do.
So yeah, call me a freak, call me a liar.
Come on, give in, they're just feeding the fire...
To quote my favourite song, I will not bow, I will not break.
"Hey, what you listening to? Oh, you're such an emo freak!"
I roll my eyes, apathetic, as they steal my iPod and smash it.
You're letting them?! Smash them l
Loving YouShining bright the stars look downLoving You3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
City lights in the distance
Nature's beauty up close
A cool night with a warm breeze
Brushing us as we kiss.
Your head on my shoulder
A beautiful face in the moonlight
Long our journey has been
And longer it will be
But through thick and thin
We both are there
To come back together
On this night
We've aged and we've grown
Since we first came together
We've loved and we've fought
We've struggled and we've glided
But after all this time
We find ourselves together again
Where some may grow apart
We seem to grow closer
A bumpy road
Of mixed emotions and feelings
For one another and for others
Lays behind us
And in the end
The friendship is only stronger
A tighter bond
A better romance
The future may be unclear
The past may haunt us here and there
But I am here
And I'm making the best of our time together
Are you too?