First, I told you I didn't even feel like I was living or breathing anymore. Your eyes shrouded with quizzical mist, and you asked me why that was the case.
I responded that I had missed out on so much, and that I wanted my time back. You asked me what I would do if I had that opportunity.
I began by saying that I had difficulty making friends, and I wished I had made more. You retaliated, saying that you were my friend.
I said that I'd never had the chance to do anything with my life besides fight. I was a combat consumed monster. You said that it was smart of me to learn to fight so well, because it enabled me to protect those I loved.
I told you that I had never danced before. You smiled, and said you'd take me dancing.
Then I responded that I was much too harsh with those around me. You convinced me that I was just misunderstood and different.
I told you I had never loved or been loved, and such knowledge made my insides feel empty, hollow as a dark, secretive cave. Then you kissed me, and said:
I love you.
I pressed my head to your heart, feeling the deep vibrations of each overwhelming beat. Defeated by some crushing emotion that I could not describe, I whispered:
You make me feel alive.
I wandered around one of the many abandoned homes in the lost city of Oerba on Gran Pulse. The entire group of cursed l'Cie that we were, were investigating the area. Fang and Vanille, two woman among my companions, supposedly growing up in such a now hollow place.
I brought myself to a small house, belonging to some missing family who could no longer enjoy the inescapable wonders of the world, or resent the torturous faults. They couldn't even observe the simplicity of a beady eyed bird staring back at them, or the feeling of flying as the wind ran it's long fingers through one's hair.
However, I felt that I could somehow relate. I felt somehow that
my life was over, too. This feeling increased as I pressed my hand delicately to my chest. I felt my riveting heart bouncing around inside my chest like a rubber ball that had been thrown. That cursed brand of a l'Cie that rested there, tattooed into my flesh; a scar. But not one of the past, like most scars are it was one of the future. It slapped a heavy timer on my life, counting down the seconds to where it would all come to a pathetic end.
I sighed, walking to a dust and age inhabited shelf, examining the abandoned piece of furniture tentatively. It was filled with cheery pictures, family photos and the like everyone involved looked so merry and wild, so free
People dancing together with big, care free grins, children dressed up in crazy outfits or just laughing and enjoying time well spent I would have felt jealous if their lives hadn't been taken from them, transferred elsewhere, as mine soon would be.
"Something on your mind?"
I jumped, startled by the sudden sound of your even voice entering the once lonely and quiet room. I turned around and saw you standing in the doorway, a small smile playing on your lips. Your messy hair, dark as the night sky, tangled around your shoulders, and your slender frame leaned casually against the long abandoned doorframe.
"I suppose." I replied, shrugging, never being quite so fond of letting people examine and filter through the rusty, dust ridden box of personal thoughts, feelings and memories. It took a lot to open me up; as if I was influenced by a magic spell that denied any sort of entry.
"Come on, now. Tell me what's the matter." Your eyes followed me as I walked around the room, still pretending to investigate and get a feel of my surroundings. Eventually, I figured there was going to be no escaping you you were knocking at my door, and were not going to give up until I answered.
I took a seat on a pile of boxes in a rather empty corner, next to the shelf I had been examining. I thought about what exactly it was I had to say. What was on my mind? "I don't really feel
" I started, searching for the proper word deep in the dictionary of my mind. "I don't feel like I'm living anymore. Not even breathing."
"Why is that?" Your eyes were furrowed with wonder, as you pulled a simple, wooden chair from where it leaned against the wall. You brushed fragments of silver dust from the surface before sitting, staring across the room at me as if it was some kind of professional interrogation.
"There's just a lot that I haven't done." I replied simply, and I supposed you knew what I was talking about. I figured it best to elaborate, anyway. "Being a l'Cie has taken away a lot of things that I wish I could have done. Knowing that it's almost the end is making me
want my time back."
You nodded; agreeing, I supposed. Or perhaps even disagreeing. I couldn't even imagine what you were thinking."Well, what kind of things would you do?"
"I've never made friends easily." I confessed, crossing my legs and shifting my attention to the floor. "If I had my time back, I would have made more."
"I'm your friend." You mused, smiling in my direction, as if trying to charm my lips into a similar curl. I however, felt no need to smile, as my thoughts raced on through an endless barren field.
"I would have done something with my life other than fight." I began again, transferring my rather personal thoughts and treasures into reality. Connecting them to you, bringing you slowly, step by step, into my mind; closed off by barbed wire sharp, and brick wall tall. "I've wasted my life away in combat."
"It was smart of you to learn to fight so well." Came your response, opposing the truth I felt in my words; like the pit inside a small fruit. "I think it was probably the best thing you could have spent your time doing. If you didn't, you never would have been able to survive in Gran Pulse, or even Cocoon - let alone protect your friends so well." You nodded, your smooth lips still forming that mild 'u' shape. You crossed your arms, somehow with defiance. It seemed you were treating this like a game.
"It's just that because of my job and training, I've never gotten to do anything simple." My mind fell backwards, lagging behind my words, as it fixated itself on the small picture frame in the shelf. The one of the two friends dancing. They seemed so jolly and remarkably, genuinely happy. "I've never danced. But that's just one thing, Fang."
Then you got to your feet. I watched you uncertainly as you approached me, your kind smile changing to one of mischievous, cunning conduct. You didn't speak until you were standing right in front of me, towering above my sitting form. "I'll take you dancing," You stated simply, before grabbing my hand and lifting me to my feet none-too-gently. You laced your fingers with mine and wreathed your other arm around my waist, spinning our bodies together in two full, graceful circles. We stopped moving and you stared hard at me, and I could somehow feel your positive energy being transferred through your touch. "Once this is all over, anyway. We'll dance all night, whether you like it or not."
Now I found it was impossible to keep my smiles at bay. They exploded to my features, I felt their life and static on my lips; as well as a splash of colour rising to my cheeks, adding warmth and vibrancy to my normally rather dreary canvas. I said nothing, as we remained standing in the center or the room, looking ready to dance in our strange pose.
"What else?" You asked, obviously curious, as you stared deep into my eyes; two ocean windows.
I found myself feeling a shyness rising inside me that was always an unwelcome guest. Being forced to look you in the face, your hand tightly embracing mine and your arm, warm, and locked around my waist. It made me wish in a manner that was much more flustered than angry, that I had never gotten in this situation in the first place.
"I've always been so harsh with everyone around me." I replied, pulling away from your grasp and walking elsewhere, towards a room I supposed was once a kitchen, judging by the round table and countless cupboards and drawers. I stood in front of the table for a second, brushing away the signs of age and neglect before hoisting myself on top of it. I sat there and looked over at you; as you stared back, seemingly perplexed by me. "I was too harsh with my sister. Too harsh with Snow. Practically everyone. I sometimes wonder how I have anyone left."
"You're not too harsh, Light you're just misunderstood." You began, your previous smirk fading to a rather dim, melancholy, frown it displayed itself in your lips, shone like moonlight in your eyes and echoed in your voice. "You don't wear your heart on your sleeve like a lot of other people, so I've noticed. That just means you need to dig a little deeper to find it."
I stared at you, dumbfounded. Would you argue the facts about myself and my life until the end of time? Until snowflakes covered the dead land, and wind was the only sign of viable existence? "I've never been in love, or even loved, because of it." I ignored your point rather blatantly, referring to my previous idea of my hostility. "That's another thing I wish I could have accomplished."
You began to walk towards me again, and I felt that familiar timidity and introversion rise up inside of me; the moon sailing into a quiet night sky. It increased as you got closer, invading my personal space as if you had known me for years and years. Once again, I found I had to look up at you as I remained sitting on the table, and you, standing the rather tall woman you were. You pushed your body betwixt my legs, and got as close to me as you could, some sort of strangely affectionate flash in your dull, secretive eyes.
Your hand reached around to the back of my head, fingers nesting among my long, curly pink locks. My heart sounded like a tribal drum inside my chest. You brought your lips straight to mine, a gesture I had never shared with anyone, no matter how special - and you knew this. Not because I told you, but because you were keen.
It felt much different than it looked; much more
magical, almost. Just like it was always described in the fairy tales. I felt dizzy, as if someone had just dropped something large and blunt on my head. My body shook with nervousness, something that I didn't commonly feel in any other situation. I was
When the kiss had ended and thus, the remarkable moment I had so long missed out on and never expected to be faced with, you stared hard at me. Through me, almost, trying to catch a glimpse of the heart I so doubtfully protected. "I love you." No sooner did the words leave your tongue did I realize you were still arguing. However, I found that I didn't quite mind anymore
I felt overcome by some heavy emotional luggage. I let my head fall into your chest, my forehead resting directly where your heart resided, under it's guise of smooth, tan flesh. Some of your shadowy hair tickled the side of my face, as I felt your arms cloak me in the warmth of an embrace.
"Forget what I said about not living anymore." I whispered suddenly, barely even aware of what I was saying. Completely unaware of what I was feeling, but merely knowing it was such an emotion I had longed for my whole life, or perhaps experienced only in the realm of dreams.
you make me feel alive."