In My Memories
In My Memories
My love for you felt like frost-bitten pins
My heart, body, mind, and soul were numbing
This double-edged conscience~
No hands were lent / No hands to take
Abandonment Abandonment Abandonment
Countless tears to shed / Countless tears to make
Abolishment Abolishment Abolishment
The thoughts of you are like venomous-needles
After the emotions are injected the end seems less beautiful
Pain is unforgettable~
This unrequited suffering is self-made
No affection No affection No affection
I hoped you were the one but I fell for you too late
Bad medicine Bad medicine Bad medicine
The lights that instantly caught my eyes
Were too promising to believe it was just another lie
Cruel by design~
Anxiety enters my already-damaged bloodstream
It's coursing It's coursing It's coursing
I destroy myself little by little with every silent scream
It's unnerving It's unnerving It's unnerving
The dreams of the past keep
UndeceasedUndeceased3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
It's just a matter of time
Before I leave myself behind
I've almost pushed everything away from myself
And soon there will be no more reasons to beg for help
I'm slowly dissipating, and as this continues on there will be nothing else
I am just too tired
The ending is all I desire
I quiver as the waves of life crash against my hollow shell
Striking endlessly, and after living through this I don't even fear the depths of hell
Because being this strong means I've accomplished killing every emotion I've ever felt
This life of mine shall be undone
My era of hopelessness has begun
I could be so more much than this
I do have a purpose, yet I still resist
I yearn to have it all but I don't even wish to exist
So let the day of the rapture come
But leave me be, the lone soul who is numb
I contain my own apocalypse in my palms
But I will never release it, I
OceanfallOceanfall3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
One final leap into the depths below is all it really takes
Open my lungs up, and let freezing freedom take my breath away
I did my time here on Earth, I served my time in life
So now I'm done, it's over, I no longer need to be alive
I've seen what cannot be unseen, I've done what I cannot undo
I cannot change the past, and the future is what I cannot live through
A watery grave is what I have dreamed of, it's all I have ever really wanted
A slow, and silent decent, it's an honor to finally become one of the departed
My eyes unknowingly darken, as I instantly try to grasp onto the last of the light
Realizing this is the last time I'll see through my human body, it's such a beautiful sight
But crying underwater seems like it's impossible to do, so I'll still try my best to defy the odds
Because I know I've felt all of the different kinds of pain, so this is me letting go of what I've got
The Words I Didn't MeanThe Words I Didn't Mean3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
The Words I Didn't Mean
Your last steps seemed to echo
While I watched you walk away
You're leaving me in our love's shadow
And all I can feel is a piece of me break away
The shock starts to sink in
Every pore is conquered
A fissure begins within
I'm torn asunder
Liquid memories drip from my face
My heart will always remember this kind of pain
The love that was shown on this day will remain in vain
I didn't know how much passion could weigh
Or the damage it could do when it betrays
Fused with the words that I never even wanted to say
Compassionless by nature / A lonesome torture
Unloved by liars / Sought by manipulators
Breathing in shards / Tearing out hearts
Caught off-guard / Soul is scarred
The regrets won't let me breathe
The thick tears protect me from what I don't want to see
This fresh wound over my chest is where your place used to be
Pathetically rooted by my knees
I reach for you through the debris
Even though there's no one who can salvage me
HeartsbaneHeartsbane3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Being around you like I am
It's a sensation I can hardly stand
Passed the point of torture, which I can barely pretend
So I have you show you I'm okay, and that I'm doing the best I can
This weight of my heart's world
Harboring all of these scars, new and old
And it contains countless secrets that I try and hold
Which I continue to endure alone, because I sold my soul
This pain is my peace
That's why I need you, please
Your hope divides the fear
So I will always depend on you being here
But I'm so afraid
To let myself love someone again
Because my hands are still stained
From all of those heavy tears that rained
I want to forbid myself from becoming lost in your eyes
While I'm desperately trying to not release everything that's bottled up inside
Every second, I'm an inch away from revealing all of these feelings that I try to hide
I'd give you it all, and deny you nothing, for I know your happiness will also become mine
I don't want another day to be lovele
My Broken PromisesMy Broken Promises3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
My Broken Promises
I know \ you don't need to remind me anymore
I heard / those heartfelt words many times before
You remember I said I would always be there for you when you needed me
But instead, I just upped and left the both of us, so heartlessly
Knowing very well that you're the most important person, I'm so sorry
Maybe these words of my inner hurt will help you understand clearly
I always thought that my first kiss ever would be with a special someone
But it was taken away from me in a split second, the loss cannot be undone
And I planned to keep my virginity for a little while longer, I wasn't ready yet
But I was robbed of it, the exploring hands and eyes is what I will never forget
One day, a person can be young, and hopeful, and oh-so innocent
The next, life has changed, and the remorse makes everything different
I hope \ you believed me when I said I'd never let go
I wished / that no one would ever find my suicide note
Wings Of DarknessWings Of Darkness3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Wings Of Darkness
Bind me within your embrace
Bestow me with your grace
I seek your help to obtain the unseen
I need you to blind me from the light
Never let me see my weakness again
Blanket my fears so I won't cry
Cease the false hope from shining in vain
Ward away the lies that hide behind my eyes
Morph this disaster into a calm night
Burn the dying sun out
Darken the nightmarish sky
Let the ominous clouds melt
Lock away this cursed gift of sight
I no longer desire it
Shut out the world from you and I
I yearn for the abyss
Rip away my self-hatred
Bring back my innocence
Obliterate the life I created
And color this reality obsidian
Let the void consume
Paint my essence black
Devour what was once called truth
My faith is in your hands
I profess it all unto you
I am under your command
Cover up my exiled heart
Wrap my soul i
Healing My HeartHealing My Heart3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Healing My Heart
I thought a day like today would never come
When a sincere smile finally broke through
And I've grasped onto this sense of freedom
When I forged this connection with you
I was so deep into it
Thinking I never would get out
Being stuck in the past has made me into this
But now I hold my head up instead of facing down
Because of this, I've realize there's a difference between my tears
I used to only shed the ones for all of the mistakes I've made
Which I've cried for all of those long, and lonesome years
Until today, so I'm overwhelmed by the relief you gave
Undone, unvexed, unbroken
The difference is the forgiveness
Unbecome, unsilenced, unforgotten
The pieces have become painless
I waited for a night like tonight to arrive
When I could finally sleep so peacefully
And for once I have never felt so alive
When I found myself dreaming faithfully
I had no choice but to force my own hand
So I took that mass of hurt and made
The Feelings That LingerThe Feelings That Linger:The Feelings That Linger3 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
The sound of your voice still lingers here
Even though I know you're gone...
And my nights have turned to sleepless days;
They grow worse with every dawn...
You've probably heard this story though
At least a thousand times or more.
But the thing I remember best about her
Is the sound of that closing door...
It was like the end to everything;
A cloud inside my head.
When I came awake on that final night;
I reached for her in bed-
But an empty space was all I got;
There was no one to wipe these tears.
I could scream and cry for many hours;
But it wouldn't chase my fears.
I tried so hard to tell myself
That everything would be alright.
But instead I ended up reminsicing
About her ever-present light...
I'm just so tired of everything;
I wish I didn't have to think...
But maybe you'll hear me one last time;
If I put this down in ink:
We had a life that was beautiful
The Coward (I Am) The Hero (Is Damned)The Coward (I Am) The Hero (Is Damned)3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
The Coward (I Am) The Hero (Is Damned)
Every choice that I've made always failed / always failed
Every day I looked death in the eyes, and I smiled / I smiled
I guess I just gave up somewhere in the beginning / in the beginning
Piece by piece, I let myself go, I'm slowly breaking / I'm slowly breaking
Taunting my own useless mortality / preaching to the ashen-winged angel
This lifespan of mine is such treachery / the golden doors are too judgmental
My worst enemy is also my own reflection / a war to be unleashed
My only friends are the tears that keep dripping / though they still leave me
Far too long have I been on my life's edge
Looking down, and backing out of my own hollow threats
But I swear that one of these days I won't wait to die from old age
I will skip to the last chapter, and write the ending in blood, soaking the page
All it takes is this lowl
The Unread LetterThe Unread Letter3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
If I could go back in time
I would, and say what I really wanted to say
Then maybe, just maybe you would still be mine
And I never would have had to go through all of this pain
I yearn to take it all back
To cast away every word that was said
I want you to know I didn't mean any of that
Because I knew you were the one when we first met
You're the one that let go
I was the one to get left behind
You're the one that took my soul
I was the one that had a break down that night
You said nothing
And left me waiting
I needed you to say something
I silently pleaded for you to say anything
Maybe I thought it was a hollow threat
But I knew it was a damaging move you meant
If I only had one wish
I would ask to see you once again
And then I would beg for forgiveness
Just to try and undo all of my unjustified destruction
Every mistake made
All of the tears that were shed
Dreaming Of RageDreaming Of Rage3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Dreaming Of Rage
I don't want to give into the maddening thoughts
I don't want to become what I am not
My clenched hands start to bleed
Because I despise falling asleep
Knuckles harden as I delve into unconsciousness
My bad blood boils away the sense of innocence
Inner wars are fought / Faces yearn to be tarnished
All of my battles are lost / I put every bad memory into my fists
I don't want to know my true self / Different sides of the same coin
My reflection is altered by the pain I felt / We both will reach the breaking point
The forgotten fury yells to be freed
The hidden hatred screams to be unleashed
The rioting rage roars to be challenged
The warmongering wrath growls to be unchained
As I dive into my pool of anger
I let go of my guilt and descend deeper
Shaking, trembling, quaking / To strike freely is my only wish
Breaking, tearing, rampaging / As my sanity slowly diminishes
I could ne
Our Word is SacredOur Word is Sacred:Our Word is Sacred3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
We have struggled against the chains of fate
We've lived our lives on the edge of hate.
Oppressed by the taunting of the foolish and blind;
It is time we stood and responded in kind.
No more can we sit here, content with our place;
Else by apathy alone we shall be erased!
Our work is like a candle, a small one at best;
It is quickly snuffed by a single breath...
For too long have we accepted, the concept of equality;
Whilst simply accepting the crumbs of poverty.
Our people go unheeded, as madmen and sloths;
The "cultured" eat like kings, while we are fed with broth...
To create these verses, it takes a lot of time;
Have you ever tried putting your thoughts in rhyme?
Have you dealt with the frustration, of grasping at words?
Trust me my friend, it is like hunting for birds...
To put this in a structure, to give poetry a form;
It can take some men from dusk till dawn...
Yet we slave away freely and we beg for a chance;
But all we have e
Wings of DespairWings of Despair:Wings of Despair3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
A momentary glance toward the birds in the sky;
Makes me feel like I am soaring; with a hope to fly.
But the chilling winds that wrap me, reflect the cold of this day
And the icy frost that batters me, chips me away...
It drains the very breath from me, as though the ice is locked within
I feel my hope is fading again; like a jar of captured wind...
Where once my will was strong and boundless; now it sits on broken wastes
I must admit this crushing despair, it feels as bad as it tastes....
From the moment that I acquired them, these were ugly tattered wings
They were made from my despair, and bound in bitter strings....
Like permanent fixtures, of sorrows and tears;
They are laced with poison, and embedded fears....
On the edge of my sanity, I hear the voices keening;
These are lives that are lost while the creature is breathing...
It's a snippet of darkness, a shard of me!
A hidden part that you will never se
True DespairTrue Despair3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
How the light has darkened.
How the strongest have fallen.
This cloak remains
Unseen by many
A barrier to hide away
Covering up my damaged sanity
I have to act a certain way
And pretend I still have a sense of humanity
But I know it's too late
So there is no restoring me
I am both sword and shield
My bane is myself
My wounds will never heal
I am both heaven and hell
I fear my own reflection / I dread my own aggression
I am your ruination / I am your protection
I keep all destruction within / I keep all sympathy distant
I am your nightmare / I am your savior
The gift of infliction
Tells the story of life
The curse of humiliation
Reaps all forms of power and pride
Oh how the human soul can be broken.
Oh how the darkness can be overpowering.
This overwhelming pain
Is what you shall not fear
As I start to break
I hold the thoughts of your love near
I cannot place blame
So I put it i
The Lie of VengeanceThe Lie of Vengeance:The Lie of Vengeance3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
It begins first as a smouldering fire;
A heat that swelters and burns inside your own heart.
It then roars to life as a flame of destruction;
Seeking, hungrily, to consume all who are bound by it...
This is the gift of vengeance
A kiss so sweet that it could only be an evil temptation.
Yet all will seek it in darkness;
For there is none who can resist its sweet allure...
It is like a friend in your time of need;
Comforting and seemingly understanding of your pain.
It tells you that you need to stand up for yourself;
It tells you that others must fall for you to live on!
But this is a lie! Obvious as it might seem;
Many fail to notice the intricacy of this deception.
It is difficult to fathom that the glory and relief which vengeance grants you;
Is naught but an ephemeral wind, existing only for a moment...
Shame and guilt will then crush your spirit
And the emptiness of the void begins to ring hollow within your soul.
The hole which you
Silent FaithSilent Faith3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
My trembling hands-
Don't want to come together
I refuse to feel weakness-
Oppress the confessor
I will defy the defeat-
Of my body and mind
And my tears will freeze-
So I...will never cry
I was always told
That I have to be strong
But a child can never grow
When reminded that every decision is wrong
I didn't need to know
That strength was everything
Otherwise I would have given up a long time ago
Because that is my childish instinct
Take back every single breath / Take back those moments I lived
Take back those nightmares I dreamt / Take back those days I wept
I can only take so much / I can choose to give up
I'm not the one who's being the judge / I'm not the one who's being the fraud
I once believed
That resolve was protection
But all forms of relief abandoned me
I crumble upon the footholds of absolution
She is Me.You're distancing yourself againShe is Me.3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
But I'm afraid she won't be following you this time
She can't 'Forgive and Forget'
She'll forgive because it's the right thing to do
But the scar will remain as a reminder
She doesn't want to be with the people who hurt her
Like you did
She doesn't want to get close to those who don't trust her
Like you do
She doesn't want to be betrayed again
Stop questioning her all the time
Maybe that's the reason she doesn't speak?
Not to get close to anyone
Not to let information leak
Not to have anyone know, what she has become
She's too fragile
Very soon she may break
Yet she still searches for someone
Who might hear her silent plea?
She is someone, whose pain you never notice
She is me.
Alcohol Fueled WordsAlcohol Fueled Words3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Alcohol Fueled Words
Blame can go a long ways
When the problems stay intact
Guilt always refuses to fade
After another hurtful attack
Regret has an unquenchable thirst
While voices are thrown every direction
Rage is tightly bottled up until the next outburst
Though the tears dry, the reasons for them won't be easily forgiven
You bring out those secret, false words I don't even mean
You push me over the edge, and get rid of my sense of controllability
You expose hidden feelings that are supposed to be locked deep within me
You pull me into a downward spiral, to release my brutality
You choose innocent targets to go for, but you leave their faces blurry
You lock me within a state of mind that consumes all of my untapped fury
You turn me into a monster, so heartlessly
You change morals and intentions too quickly
You win every time; hail to your addictive victories
Intoxicated emotions are limitless
While they continue to riot away inside
Resistance is rendered useless
Without JoyA bard may choose to sing a song of happy days and eternal blissWithout Joy3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
But why should I sing of happiness, when misery is all that is?
The suffering we see around us, is tantamount to hell
Yet we accept these horrid days; caught within a spell
Perhaps I'm simply being morbid, a soul disturbed by a darker voice
Or perhaps I am the whispered truth; personified by choice.
I will not speak of revelations nor of better days to come
In terms of hope for the future; I'd rather remain mum.
For the world I've seen has shown to me, that pain equates to life
I'm sure you've tried it many times on the edge of a sharpened knife
Why would you open embittered wounds and seek a constant pain?
Why must you always drench yourself in a cold and solemn rain?
Is the heart a device so perfectly fragile, that it needs to be reinforced
Or do we simply enjoy ourselves; screaming until we're hoarse...
The answer to this is not so simple and I've sought it out for years
I've searched in every distant cor
The Taste of YouI want to wake up next to youThe Taste of You3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
and curl my naked arms
around your belly
and arch my back in a morning stretch
and yawn into your hair.
I want to press my toes into your calf
and kiss your shoulder
and the back of your neck
and tickle down your spine
with spindly fingers
and test the echo of your ribcage
with my cheek pressed to your chest
and swallow you in dainty morsels
until your heartbeat is my own.
Only GlassMy body made of glassOnly Glass3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I teeter on the edge of that terrifying
How can I avoid this dark,
I scream for help
as I tip further forward,
but no one hears my
All efforts made would be
I have served them well,
to my pleasant
a hand reaches
from the deep cavern of my death,
saving my fragile form from sure horrible pain
I laugh and silently,
having no true lips to speak,
thank my wonderful savior
as they press my brim
to their lips
for a light
National Day of Silence- Tip of the HatNational Day of Silence- Tip of the Hat3 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
You can only be a 'tomboy' for so long.
I'm at the stage between the two.
Isn't tomboy-ish just a phase?
As a kid I was quite girly,
Am I making up for lost days?
Mom thinks it's in my mind,
but my friends know it's true, this,
meanwhile I'm stuck in between the two,
Is it being 'me' or being 'boyish' something I will miss?
The school's big dance is coming close,
I'm forced to wear a dress,
I think of all the trouble I've caused for me,
Gosh, I've created such a mess.
I've gotten TOO boyish;
like one I've even started thinking.
It's a secret people don't need to know,
It's ME on the inside it will be killing.
But on the good side, my friends still love me,
for who I am inside and out,
and yes I am so happy,
at the thought I want to shout.
"My friends love me, even though I'm trans!
no need to keep it inside me,
and this is my life I want to try,
and ONLY me I want to be!"
And so this is my poem,
my way of saying 'it's okay,'
for yes, I am like you,
I'm being silent in my own way.
We're all mad here.God's biggest mistake,We're all mad here.3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
She sanded away
just to see her wishbones.
Calling boys peaches,
hoping they'd taste
just as sweet
Mad cats and top hats
had her questioning
her own rose garden reality.
Because upside down
is right side up,
and holy rollers think her
much too butch for her own good.
As she prefers lipstick kisses
over slithering tongues.