This is the first time I am writing a letter to you, and forgive me if this letter is longer than the one's you get from others. My name is Dave and I have a problem...most likely a series of problems. This has been going on for some time now, almost a year until it just decided to end on a rather sour note. I am writing to you about it two days after it ended.
... Where to start...
Well first, it is about this girl Shannon. Her and I first met when she was hired in the same Music store as I was working in. We clicked almost instantly. We found it easy to communicate to one another without any problems. We exchanged secrets that we never told anyone before and help each other out whenever we felt down. I was happy when we both has the same shift on the same day at work. It made time fly by rather quickly. Because of our sudden connection and understanding with each other, I grew very fond of her to the point where I had this secret crush on her. I never told her how I felt about her, knowing that she left her homeland after breaking up with her Ex. She said that she wasn't looking for anyone right now and just wanted to stay focused on her new life now. I respected that, but I still couldn't get rid of that crush clinging onto my heart.
After a few months, she took a really hard dive when someone abused her trust and sent her to the hospital. She is a very emotional person and somewhat unstable, so that person who abused her trust really damaged her. I went to the Hospital whenever I could to see how she was doing. After a while, she was released and very slowly repairing herself from the event. I remained with her and kept in contact with her, just to make sure she was alright and to help heal any spiritual damaged she received from the incident.
Any free day we had from work, we almost always hung out and did things around the city. I would take her to malls and stores, showing her around the city ( at least spots that I know of ). Every time she had her eye set on something in the store, I would almost always buy it for her. I knew what I was doing. She was having hard money troubles after the hospital incident, so I wanted to make her happy. It didn't damage my account at all and it was somewhat a way of "flirtation" on my part; giving or buying her things she really wanted but couldn't afford ( almost like spoiling her now and then, but that is the kind of person I am. I was not trying to buy her love at all! ) . Some nights, we would have sleep-overs. She always slept over my place and shared my bed with me. We would watch movies and play video games together, but we never snuggled or spooned. Even though I had a deep crush on her and knowing she wasn't really looking for anyone, I reframed myself from touching her or showing any kinds of affections. It was very difficult, but worth it just to wake up to see someone you care about right next to you.
More months past and we continued to hang out, however we have been somewhat uneven with each other. She would always tell me her problems, what was on her mind and ask what direction she should go. I would always be there to comfort her and give her suggestions about a curtain path. She has become more confused on what she wanted to do in the future and where she wants to go. I gave her motivation to try to help her push through the boundaries she was facing. But whenever I had a problem and needed someone to talk to, I felt like she really wasn't "motivating" me enough with her advice, almost like she was in the dark with me as well. So, I kept a lot of problems to myself and hid them as much as I could from her so she wouldn't have to deal with my problems on top of her own. Its gotten to the point where we are somewhat fighting with each other more and more now, but we are still friends.
One day, she decided to call me to tell me something very important, something that she has been with holding from me for quite some time. She told me that she knew that I was flirting with her and that I had a large crush on her, but she told me that she just wasn't interested. She didn't feel comfortable leveling up the friendship to boyfriend and girlfriend. As she was explaining why, she told me that she didnt find me "romanticly attractive" at all. I was just blown away by that, but I continued to let her talk. ( Believe me, she is not really the "ideal" woman, but I was still attracted to her from spiritually to mentally to physically ) I knew what she meant by that: She didn't feel a sexual/romantic connection between us to move up the friendship, but it was the WAY she said it really drove a spike through my heart. She even told me that she felt the same way with her Ex, but back then, she just needed someone to be near her in that manner. After she was done explaining herself to me, I calmly thanked her for sharing what was on her mind and told her that I fully understand, but I did not really say what was on my mind. Again, I kept it from her and refused to start a verbal fight with her.
She is not a manipulative person at all. She is as open and honest as me. It is like seeing a mirror version of myself. That is why I was so connected and romantically in love with her. We have the same Chinese Zodiac sign, but the OPPOSITE Western Zodiac sign. ( Kind of funny when you look at it in that way ). We are both into the arts, we love cute things, video games, reading, etc. etc. etc. But having her as a friend is all I can get from her. I should be happy about that, but I still suffered harsh heartbreak.
So now, I am writing to you, wanting to tell you about this relationship that lasted ( and is still going ) for a year now...That is almost as long as I kept my feelings from her. We still talk and hang out, but it is not the same. I have to change my way of thinking about her now since I cant think of her in that way anymore.
Dear L, I am just very confused and hurt. I cant tell her how I feel because I dont want to get into an argument with her, plus what was done is done and nothing can be changed about it. But do you think I should still talk to her about what she said and how I feel? Would it change anything? Would it make things much worse on both ends? Being friends is fine, but when you are an emotional person, you want to have someone there to take care of and get treated the same. It takes two to make a relationship... I want to find that second half. What should I do L? I really need some helpful advice.