Did I do the right thing? What could I have said? Why didn't I say more? Could I have changed anything?
Why can't I concentrate on anything else...?
I think many of us have been there at some point; going over and over things in our head, things we can't change but we can't get off our mind. I know I do I wanted to give her that kind of expression where shes thinking hard but not focusing on anything... kinda like looking through you. The expression where everyone asks if you're okay XD
I always loved the phrase 'the eyes are the window to the soul' and wanted to convey that here, but if the windows broken who knows what might be inside... The drawing, while linked, isn't so much about suicide and suicidal ideation, but more about how the eyes can give away someones feelings if your prepared to look deep enough.
Drawn in some darker times for me, things are getting better, I really wouldn't be posting this if they weren't. Textures from: lostandtaken.com/
The glass will fog over before anyone can read it...
People will just see the smile.
On one hand we say were fine with the other we cry out for help.
Thought I'd post the full version of: I cut it down and posted the smaller version because I thought perhaps this one was a little... extreme. But since things haven't got better and wont before Christmas it's probably now an understatement of my feelings.
Sorry for uploading similar things, brain wont let it go. I'll draw pretty things when the colours come back
Most of time time no one sees you cry, you can wipe the tears away and carry on like you're fine. Just wondered what it would be like if tears left physical scars on you. Awful I suppose, as then everyone would know... but perhaps then you might get the support you needed. What would you do if you saw this girl...? I imagine sad tear scars would fade over time, and happy tears would restore the skin like new
Yep, another piece of mine about what we show and what we hide. Things are much better for me now thanks, although what I've gone through has given me new perspectives I'm keen to get out of me and into my art. Hope this one isn't to dark or sad a drawing, just a concept I wanted to express Explored a bit more shading with an anime style face, similar to my piece; was very fun to colour, think I probably need to push shadows deeper and loosen up without being scruffy XD
</b>Sometimes colours don't look as bright as they used to...
To me, in my head, everything went grey for a bit. The drawings I was working on I couldn't colour right, it was all dull steels and browns when I wanted light and bold. I just wasn't seeing things right. But I still needed to draw, I had to paint something. So I needed a picture to fit the colours I could still work and that would represent my situaton. And so this one came... the girl sits here and tries her hardest to stop the colour draining out her flower and world. There's more to it, but as the viewer I'll let you work it out
Drawing these helps me get my feelings out rather than lets me dwell. They're personal to share which in some ways I like and in others is rather scary.
I'm feeling better now thanks, coming out of it. Like the painting, bright horizons ^^
Maybe it's not always about trying to fix something broken. Maybe it's about starting over and creating something better.
Picking up the pieces and re-building yourself can be a tricky experience. The pieces never seem to fit quite right into the old spaces. It's a breath of fresh air to realise they don't have to, you can create something different out of the pieces, something better. You will never go back to being exactly who you were, but you can be someone wiser and stronger.
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. Sophie (the girl in the picture) is learning this... And while I've had a tough experience recently, it really has made me stronger. I'm coming to terms that things will never be the same, but I'm okay with that, stuff changes. I want to make that most of what I have now Enjoyed drawing this, I hope her expression doesn't come across as to sad as it's supposed to be a hopeful piece - I do hope Sophie figure it all out soon. It's more sketchy than I would usually like and there's some obvious flaws that are already bugging me, but I tried something different with the lighting and she doesn't look to bad for being underlit XD
Some of your may know I've got some heavy things on my shoulders at the moment. Much of my recent art has been inspired and is a channel for the feelings that come with that. This is no exception. Music has been my release.
Music is my drug of choice. Its amazing how much like medication music can be... Have to say I dislike that awkward moment when someone asks 'so what music do you like?' and they list off chart bands, you have to explain what you enjoy and they look confused. Not that I don't love some chart stuff! But between computer games, folk, classical, soundtracks my tastes can be a bit eclectic In general I love sweeping orchestral and moving pieces. I love to imagine when I listen and let the music dictate the colours and scenes in my head. Saw Nobuo Uemastu concert live when Distant Worlds came to London, simply awesome. It's coming back again this year.
*ahem* So the picture. Yeah, shes just chewing her way through those wires XD Not sure what she's listening to but it might be your favourite tune! OpenCanvas, Wacom Tablet.
Our own mind; it's a place we can escape to, but we can never escape from. It's the ultimate prison.
She sits here and thinks as she plays with her hair, not realising as she twists it round her fingers she's creating her own cage, physically and mentally.
Wanted to design something interesting with the framing and composition, and went with the narrow colour scheme to try and reflect her internal feelings.
I'm trying to worry less, and was thinking about worrying less, then I realised I was worrying about worrying less! Made myself smile XD The mind is such an intriguing thing, how no one else can read our thoughts, but they influence everything we do. We can imagine whats it's like to be someone else, but never really feel it, we will always be within our own heads, looking out...