The Fighting Téméraire Entirely done in UltraFractal 5.04
London, 06 June (BBC)
Breaking news from England!After the “Altamira” affair [link] a new scandal emerged this time in London. Renowned archeologist Dr. Henry J. Ones (recuperated from the half heart attack he got) was invited by Scotland Yard to help them with the mysteriously stolen crystal from the house-museum of John Dee - the magus of Queen Elizabeth I. The crystal was used by medium Edward Kelley to summon Enochian spirits and angels.A Russian group of experienced lucid dreamers called “Dreamhackers” was suspected for this theft, stealing the crystal directly from the astral, as no alarm was activated.
Chief inspector Jaff was attached to Dr. Henry to assist him in this investigation, and also the son of the professor - Junior J. Ones (archeologist too).
Being a pure materialist inspector Jaff offered them to go and taste the Irish stew of his wife instead of chasing the “astral wind", but both refused.
“Junior, does this man know, that I’ve eaten my first Diplodocus eggs omelette at my Boy Scout initiation? Gees, a simple stew!” said Dr. Henry in Assyrian.
“How we’ll get to the astral, ketamine?” Junior was a practical man.
“It’s for horses Junior!” cut Dr. Henry, remembering some experiences from his youth.
“ Ehem” coughed Jaff “ Here some map by Dee! The museum director gave it to me.” This was a large canvas looking as this [link]
“We’ll need a lab to study the map, looks like an entrance to the astral.” decided Dr. Henry. The three of them went to the conservation laboratory in the National Gallery of London.
“There is kind of tea spot in the right corner, hmm date it Junior!” challenged Dr. Henry.
“It’s from 01 of June, 2011, 05:03 and about 27seconds PM.” exclaimed Junior.
“Dumm-kopf, not the tea spot, the map! This is from the director’s five o’ clock tea” sarcastically spoke through Dr. Henry. Junior began to rasp the spot and found a signature – “Stefano ‘2011”.
“Oh no, this bastard again!” swore moderately Dr. Henry.
“Wait, wasn’t this guy who owned you in Altamira with what was it… a can label?” asked Junior.
“I didn’t know the Ancients had cans!” broke into the conversation Jaff.
“I would never say such stupidity!!! Of course the Cro-Magnons didn’t have any cans, how they could open them with stone knifes?” furiously exploded Dr. Henry.
Completely perplexed by such a brilliant logic the inspector was off.
The two scientists began to rub the map with strong solvents and discovered a signed marine landscape under the initial layer.
“Holy Odin, but this is the “Fighting Temeraire", by J.M.W. Turner, year - 1839!!!” Dr. Henry was in joy.
“What’s hanging then in the gallery under this name, father?” asked Junior.
“Who cares Junior, could be another version! We found a real picture, this is more important that the crystal! Let’s go for a lunch and we continue” finished Dr. Henry and they went out.
Jaff was shocked, but even more was the Security chief who observed all this using the cameras. The Security chief rushed and substituted the picture in the lab with the one previously in the gallery. He didn’t want the original to be treated in a hurry even by such specialists.After lunch the archeologists began to scrutinize the picture again. Junior accidentally rubbed the signature of Turner and it was erased. From below shined again – Stefano ‘2011. Dr. Henry felt the missing half of his heart attack coming and sadly said “If there is something worse than being owned, it’s to be owned twice”.Credits:
The crystal of John Dee was really stolen few years ago. The group of Dreamhackers exists and I’m proud to know some of them, and I learned a lot about lucid dreaming from their teachings. It is not clear, if they are involved in any way with Dee’s crystal. I’m full of respect to J.M.W. Turner and I invented this little story just for fun.