.Pining.Of urgency and desperation
A heart in need of love's salvation
Send a smile my direction
Trust in me your heart's protection.
A spark was shared between our gaze
Which marked the start of many days
In which I'd drown under your stare
Stripped of thought, you left me bare.
Down to bones, I tend to wonder
If in your mind I ever to wander
Like the child I stoop down to
When it comes to me and you.
I like to think our spark had meaning
Towards destiny I'm often leaning
But even fantasy walks a line
To keep your fate sealed off from mine.
.Boy.She's seated in the very back.Boy.3 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
Her face composed, her smile a crack
Her pencil moves across the page
Express her own inner rage.
She writes a tale of sorrow sweet
A girl who walks with inward feet
She keeps tears from leaking down
As her lips form a small frown.
The girl that she tells of with words
Loves the sun and sound of birds
But there's twist that ruins the joy
The girl she tells of, is a boy.
A boy who feels so very sad
A boy too lonely to be mad
A boy trapped in a crowded shell
A boy told that he's destined for hell.
She has to take a little break
To stop that familiar ache
That resides inside her heart
Of which is being torn apart.
Soon she's back to tell her tale
Of the girl who's really male
On her face is a sad grin
As she writes of the boy's win.
A boy that looks alive in greyI want to be the kind of guy that can wear a white tee, black jeans,A boy that looks alive in grey3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
and still look alive in greyscale photos.
I want to have the kind of look that burns a hole through your monochromasia,
the guy that doesn't mind getting soaked by the rain.
I want to be the kind of guy that can run forwards holding a flag that screams, "justice for all!" and smile.
I want to be the kind of guy that someone would love
to be loved by.
That kind of honest, eccentric guy-
who doesn't care that his chromosomes are XX,
because he knows who he is,
and has made himself the man he wanted to be.
Failed RebellionBorn to a body you'll never loveFailed Rebellion3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
As imperfections often taint it
A rebel of nature, a rebel of gender
Your first glance at the world's cruelty.
You clench your fist in hesitation
Cringing every time you hear the words
You bite your tongue in rushing fear
Oh how you want to correct them.
Your heart receives a painful lash
As you hear that dreadful title
You have no choice but to respond in weakness
As you make your presence known.
Tears threaten to pour over
As you are reminded of your faults
"But you're a girl", they say
"Boys don't cry", they argue.
You want to scream and shout
You want to claw off your outsides
But when the sun rises once more
You sigh in great defeat.
. Scar Tissue .Scar tissue burns at the thought of you. Scar Tissue .3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
With your gentle touches and musical laugh
With those memories of evergreen trees and fishbowl locks
I can't help but feel a longing erupt in my heart.
What once was a prophecy finally fulfilled
Turned sour with distance brought on by dragons and divas
With tears and slices created by the hole that has yet to be filled.
What we had thought was true and final
What future had been crushed by flushing cheeks to another
What would never be forgotten at the mention of chemical romances
What leaves every speeding heart beat to another feeling sore and bittersweet.
I wonder which path there is to take
When nostalgia peeks through the door and looks me dead in the eyes, asking
"How could you forget her? How could you forget?"
And my only response is a head hung low
Wondering if I would be worthy of another when I had committed such a crime.
For it was you who had first stolen my heart
For it was you who kept my heart
.Smile.Tears not of blue but of blinding smiles.Smile.3 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
Followed by trails that go on for miles
Born years ago and from that day
I've finally learned to smile today.
Through forests of lies and mountains of molehills
Dreams that once lived and thousands of red pills
I've found a safe place to dub the name 'home'
Where happiness lives and hopes will now roam.
Lest I forget that love does exist
That happiness comes to those who persist
I'll paint the town red with faith and with trust
In hopes that my spirits won't be turned to dust.
Confessions: Done.And here's the part where I say "it's okay", right?Confessions: Done.2 years ago in Emotional More Like This
Here's the part where I cry one night and smile the next?
Here's the part where I pretend that there's nothing eating away at me and that the only hope I had in this world didn't just die a little.
Here's the part where I smile because I have to and ignore the yelling, the fighting, the insults, the climaxing fury that's been rising every second in the place I get to call "home."
Here's the part where every nightmare that's kept me from sleeping in the past week that I told myself was "just a dream" slaps me in the face and makes me wonder what I possibly could have done to deserve all this bullshit that life so kindly set before me.
Not that I'm anything special.
Sob story after sob story, there's nothing I'm more sure of than the fact that many out there have it much worse than I do.
But that doesn't make it hurt any less.
And no, I don't want you to say "sorry"
.Stay.Hope has dwindled down to a speck.Stay.2 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
Forcing another reality check
Chance after chance has surely been blown
It's finally just me out on my own.
Memories dance to a tune in my head
Smiles that once were haunting have fled
The longing has never quite grown so strong
As when I realized that I have been wrong.
Broken by insecurities great
Wondering if it could be fate
Only time could ever lead the way
And I'll stumble behind, hoping you stay.
Confessions: HesitationFor what was once hope has been clouded with worryConfessions: Hesitation3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Fogged up by hesitation and insecurity
Unsureness rages on with paranoia to boot
With no net to catch the latest screw up.
To one side is the resident pessimist hovering with doubt
With millions of "What-if's" and thousands of "I should have's"
All clumped together to form a mixing pot of anxious fidgeting
Accompanied by the reminder that all good things must come to an end.
Though to the other side would be the spark of faith
Whispering sweet words of motivation; of sureness that all will settle
Which is the drive to keep a chin up and let nature take its course
No matter what obstacles will have to be dodged and trampled.
Despite the comfort, the darkening mist continues to drown out the light
Chilling all warmth with memories and past scars that continue to haunt so stubbornly
The constant fear of perfection for another continues to force itself into
.Defeat.When you're built on a foundation of dreams.Defeat.2 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
Nothing crashes harder than reality
When you've just sewn up the last of torn seams
New wounds open with such brutality.
Reluctance to let go lies deep in denial
In a manner that can only be seen in disgust
Hopes begin dying as words become final
Breaking the barrier once known as trust.
As hours tick by, life does go on
Though frozen in time lies a heartbeat
Triggered by memories wished to be gone
What remains is the feeling of defeat.
Confessions: To Be LovedSometimes when I lie awakeConfessions: To Be Loved3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I stare up at the stars
And see your eyes staring back at me
Matching the moon's tones in all their glory.
And every time the wind blows
I imagine it's you, brushing the hair out of my face
And every star in the sky that night
Will be counted as one of every time you
smiled at me
laughed with me
cried with me
danced with me
ran with me
dreamed with me
hurt with me
healed with me
and I can't help but let a stray tear drop
because I know that it's all memories now
because I know that the spark that lit our hearts
the spark fueled by innocence and imagination
has died out.
And when sleep does overcome me
My mind wanders through a mental photo album
remembering that last hug we had shared some years ago
remembering the joy that would come with a simple log-in
remembering every ounce of longing that soon faded with time
remembering every cut and tear inflicted by inner conflicts
and for a single moment you're with me again
.Brown.First day we met.Brown.3 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
I slipped on ice
Didn't say a word
But I thought it was nice
To see you there
To see you smile
To know you cared
For a little while.
As days moved on
Clouds passed by
I stared at you
But I don't know why
I watched you laugh
Watched you frown
Found out your eyes
Were a chocolate brown.
If you speed it up
You'll watch me fall
Head over heels
'Til it drove me up a wall
I couldn't stand
To meet your eyes
I was in love
I wasn't one
To dare speak out
To say hello
Or chat about
So I was stuck
In my own shell
Convinced my life
Would turn to hell.
My heart would race
My cheeks would blush
You gave me such
An adrenaline rush
I never thought
It'd ever end
But then came time
For hearts to mend.
Took a deep breath
And met my eyes
And gave me such
A huge surprise
You said the words
Brightened my skies
I watched the fire
Burn in your eyes.
Held out a hand
Slapped on a grin
I never thought
Your heart I'd win
And to this day
What I'll seldom do
Is ever think
Confessions: StormI really was hopeful.Confessions: Storm3 years ago in Scraps More Like This
I really was.
I thought that the sun had come out
I thought it was over
I thought the storm had passed
I thought the sun would block it all out
with it's rays
the warm rays I had longed for
and longed for
but never got to enjoy
because even though the storm had passed
another came soon after.
A darker, louder, rowdier storm
that shook my world and made the sky fall
piece by piece
crashing down only to
shatter into bits and pieces of
And my only defense left
is to sit and wait
and how I loathe waiting
and the only thing that's keeping me from
is a desperate little smile
that has been mastered through careful observation
of the up-turning of lip corners
and mustering what's left of the hope in my heart.
and the thunder booms
and the lightning crackles as it nears
and I get lonelier and lonelier as I listen to the rain drop l
.Pretend.When you're the master of pretend.Pretend.3 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
You can smile through the pain
You can make the edges bend
You can see sunshine in rain.
Just a touch of childish nature
And an imaginative mind
Can turn torture to nurture
And morph lose to find.
When there's blood you see red
Like the roses that you love
When there's dark you think light
Which always shines up above.
It's an art to play pretend
It's a skill to fake a smile
But the charade will always end
If only for a while.
I will never know, but I wouldTRANSMENI will never know, but I would3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I will never know how painful it is to get caught in my zipper. I would take the chance, if it meant I had a penis and I could pee standing up
I will never know how embarrassing it is to get an erection in public. I would happily hide my visible arousal, if it meant I could get an erection.
I will never know the disgust of having to go to the doctor for a prostate exam. I would go and get an exam every week, if it meant I had a prostate.
I will never know the agony of being kicked in the balls. I wouldn't curse or scream about it, if it meant I had balls that could be injured.
I will never need to use a condom for the reason "I don't want my partner to get pregnant". I'd never gripe about having to use a condom, if it meant I had the ability to get someone pregnant.
I will never know the moodiness, bloating, and cramps of having PMS. I would not complain and I would try to deal with the agony, if it meant I got a period.
I will never know the dread of going to a g
.Withering Ties.What comes with you is withering ties.Withering Ties.2 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
Run down by distance soaring high
A side of memories to go by
With swollen hopes run sick and dry.
It's broken shards of promise lands
Of shining knights and Peter Pans
To calm your jittery, shaky hands
To drop your fragile grains of sand.
What we once were seems to have flown
Shapen by the sides we've grown
And what we may have never known
Came about when left alone.
It's a new window to look through
Of greener grass that's bright and new
With sunlight to light up your blues
A reflection of me and you.
.Comatose.I remember when.Comatose.2 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
You used to be
The only thing
Not killing me.
I remember when
We used to sing
And lose ourselves
I remember when
You'd light me up
And only you
Would be enough.
I remember when
We'd type all day
Just you and me
I remember when
We both would cry
And none of us
Even knew why.
I remember when
We loved and lost
I remember when
There was no cost.
I remember when
We were so close
But now our bond
Confessions: MusicThe lights were scatteredConfessions: Music3 years ago in Emotional More Like This
highlighting every note hit
the raw emotion escaped their lips
as their voices turned to song
and wailed out what could only be measured
I could feel the beat thump in my chest
almost like a layer around my heart
and the music surged through my veins
and met every nerve with a tingling sensation
and sent a message to my head that screamed
"This is what you were meant to be."
and I could feel tears form in my eyes
to match the smile that came from the feeling of utter acceptance
and from knowing that one day
one day I'll make it
no matter what it takes
no matter what I face
no matter what happens
I will make it to that stage one day
and I will smile out to the crowd
no matter how small
or how large
and I will look into the eyes of every lost soul that I once was
and I will smile
and I will sing
about every mistake I made
about every insecurity I had
about every tear<