10 Funny Quotes1. "Evil beware - We have Waffles." - Raven from Teen Titans10 Funny Quotes7 years ago in Humor More Like This
2. "Pants are an illusion, and so is death!" - Hue the Swampbender from Avatar: the Last Airbender
3. "I am bike cheese!" - Eugene Mirman
4. "All destinations are final - that's what it means, destiny, final - if you haven't gotten where you're going....you aren't there yet!" - George Carlin
5. "The key to life isn't to set goals to achieve - the key to life is to set goals no one can take away from you! For example, tonight, my goal is to go to the bathroom outside my pants!" - James P. Connolly
6. "My motto is 'Shoot for the curve but everything above it is gravy!'" - James P. Connolly
7. "If you give a man a fish, he'll stink up the whole town, but if you teach a man to fish - ya, see where im goin' with this? - he'll poke his eye out." - a drunken citizen of Albion
8. "They say that 'Kids Say The Darnedest Things' - but so would you if you had no education!" - Eugene Mirman
9. "The commercial for Diet Dr. Pepper says 'It
La Rouyame de Lunifoliee RougeLa Rouyame de Lunifoliee Rouge5 years ago in Introductions & Chapters More Like This
The soft glow of the hall light danced through the opening in the door ajar, dripping dim light into it's blackened crevices. Twice he rapped quietly on the door with the back of his hand, announcing his presence.
"It's Matthieu-" He spoke quietly with that silky soft voice of his. Gently he pushed his way through the door, spotting the covers shift as the only other occupant in the room drew further into his pillow, avoiding the repulsive light. "I heard you weren't feeling well from Maman- so I brought you some homemade hotcakes. I know you'd prefer I bring you a hamburger or something instead, but maple is good for the soul." He set the dripping delicacy on the nightstand by his sick brother's bed and paused, listening to him trying to smother the sound of his coughing beneath the various sheets and blankets. "Good heavens it's dreary in here- have you opened the windows at all? It smells like you've been in here for weeks! That can't be good
Canada's RevengeHe made his breakfast, like every morning. His pancakes with his usual home made syrup. Today he invited his friends and his brother, France, England, and America. He had a bad feeling though. Even in the comfort of his home he was going to be attacked.Canada's Revenge4 years ago in Humor More Like This
Everyday, he thought.
There was always one country that attacked him and all for his brothers mistakes.
He couldn't take the abuse not one more day, not once more! He held his chin high and walked through his day proud to be in his prime as a country.
"America!" He herd shouted towards him. He didn't respond, no motion or noise. It was not his name so he had no reason to respond to it.
"Oi, America!" There was a sharp pain in his back. he turned to see, Cuba. His dark hair and skin were obvious.
"I'm not America. I'm Canada." He looked at Cuba and there was no change in his malice filled glare.
"I hate America. Your nothing but trouble!"
"I'm not America."
"You upset me so much! Attacking my people, trying to use my people!"
2P!CanadaX1P!Canada - Pt. 12P!CanadaX1P!Canada - Pt. 13 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
Matthew sat in the meeting room, listening to Alfred and Arthur argue during both of them trying to get there information out at the same time. The cerulean eyed boy looked to his twin brother, his eyes intent.
No one ever noticed him, especially not Alfred. The american was always rambling about being the hero, and being stronger than anyone else, even Ivan. Which, due to the facts on many wars, was proved. But that didn't give him any right to not even remember his own twin's name except possibly, maybe on Canada Day, where everyone was wishing others about it to remind him for a moment, that Canada, Matthew, his twin brother, had existed.
Arthur and Alfred had finished their current fight, and Alfred babbled on about America's affairs, since Arthur got tired of the battle and thought if he got his own presentation done first, then other things may get done as well. He thought wrong though, since when Arthur's turn came, the american was still babbling during most of it, earni
Snapped! Canada: Playing GamesMatthew gripped the hockey stick in his hands. He liked the way if felt in his palm; firm, like a weight keeping him tied to the ground. The wooden weapon helped keep him focused on the target he had in mind.Snapped! Canada: Playing Games3 years ago in Introductions & Chapters More Like This
As the dazed, almost groggy, sandy-blonde haired man staggered down the hallway, he passed by a mirror. Pausing for a second, Matthew turned his head to look at his reflection. For a moment, he almost didn't recognize himself.
Shaggy hair. A white hoodie with the signature red maple leaf. Glasses. And behind those were a pair of violet eyes that gazed back at him, half-crazed and insane. A gaze that most people might have told them he "wasn't completely there". But Matthew saw nothing wrong.
He thought about what others might think when they saw him. Maybe they'll notice me now, he thought.
"Who am I?" Mathew laughed quietly to himself. "I'm Canada. Ha, ha... Do you remember me now?"
The loud, cheerful voice cut of Matthew's mini monologue. The half-hyster
King Koopa Katastrophe Spoof4King Koopa Katastrophe Spoof411 years ago in Humor More Like This
Toddler Terrors of Time Travel
Once again, it was a dark day in Darkland, and the invisible camera found itself panning over to Bowser's Castle, blah blah, etc. But at this particular time, Bowser didn't seem to be in the mood for hatching evil plots. Rather, he was sitting on his throne, putting ice packs (decorated with pictures of crowns) on top of his head.
King Bowser Koopa: Ohh, my aching head! Oooh!
Ludwig Von Koopa: It seems you get these headaches every time you get clobbered by the Mario Bros.
Bowser: Well, no shit, Kooky! Of course I get these headaches every time I get clobbered by the Mario Bros.! They always clobber me! I even became invincible in Paper Mario and I still couldn't beat Mario! You don't have to tell me how I'm getting my own headaches! You may be my smartest kid, but it doesn't mean you have to state the obvious!
Ludwig: Could you please not call me "Kooky"?
Bowser: Shut up! Sheesh... I could've taken over the Mushroom Kingdom years ago...
Diary of an Insane CanadianFor TheTurtwig66Diary of an Insane Canadian3 years ago in Horror More Like This
I hope you like this TheTurtwig66!
Warnings: Violence, Character Death, Snapped!Character
Al was out almost all day today. When he finally came back in he was wet and dirty and he had something in his hands. Dad had a fit, of course but Al didn't seem to care. I didn't really care either. After all, dad's always like that. I was more interested in what he had in his hands that dad's complaining so I went over to get a better look. He opened his hands a bit to let me see what was in them and it turned out that he had caught a frog. I don't know how my big brother does that, frogs are much too fast and slippery for me to hold onto but he catches them all the time. Tomorrow, he said he could take me frog hunting with him and teach me how to hold onto them! I don't think I'll be able to learn it better than him 'cause Al's so cool and he's bigger and smarter and he can teach me things all the time. I'll sure try though, even though big brother'
The Difference is... -APH-"AY, AMERICA!"The Difference is... -APH-5 years ago in Fan Fiction More Like This
Matthew quickly ducked the obvious chop aimed for his head. He turned to Cuba "Can't you tell the difference yet?"
And honestly, for a moment, Cuba couldn't. That tone wasn't native of either brother. "C... Canada?" he threw out there.
"Ah, surprise, surprise." He gave a rather small smile. "Good Morning."
"Chico..." Cuba offered in apology, but was frankly cut off as Canada turned away.
"Wait a second, listen, I'm sorry! So siento, please, let me make it up to you." He rushed his words so they could still reach his friends ears. He breathed out in relief as Canada's steps halted.
"Lunch." Canada said simply. "My house. Noon, please be on time. We'll enjoy Ice cream and Pandcakes." A strange smile broke across his face as he looked back at the Cuban. "See you then."
Cuba, ignoring the warning feeling in his gut, swallowed and nodded.
It was about 11:45 when he found himself walking past America's house and up to Canada's. He had to wear a j
Unexpected WordsSadly, I do not own any characters from Hetalia, so please don't sue me!Unexpected Words5 years ago in Profiles More Like This
Hope you enjoy~!
He had expected to hear a scream from the boy.
He had walked in on him finishing off his most hated rival; the boy's elder brother.
He should have heard a scream
Instead, the young blond looked at the scene with soft, unmoving violet eyes. He saw Ivan, lead pipe in hand, standing a mutilated corps drenched in blood; his brother's blood. When the teen opened his mouth, Ivan waited to hear the ear-splitting noise. His ears ached and yearned to hear that defining sound of pure devastation and horror. But instead the teenage Russian heard a small, timid voice say two words he had never expected to hear.
He frowned for a split second, unsure if he had heard him correctly. "C-come again ?"
The young blond before him threw himself into a fit of giggles, all the while staring at his brother's dead body. In between chuckles he managed to say, "I said, 'thank you'!"
Ivan didn't un
'IB' - Chapter Ten'IB' - Chapter Ten3 years ago in Horror More Like This
Dib walked down the sidewalk appearing more disturbed than he had since this had started. The lingering taste of Zim’s blood seemed to keep him in an almost trance like state as he walked almost unnaturally down the sideswalk. Of course, the boy’s unsettling demeanor attracted more stares from the people around him.
People went from being distasteful and scowling at him, to almost frightened and concerned for the boy. He'd been progressing so quickly to lunacy lately that some people believed it was time he saw someone about it.
This thought of going to see someone though seemed to be out of the question in Dib’s mind. He knew a doctor would only blame it on schizophrenia or just plain insanity and not even try to believe that something was actually going on. He would only be prescribed some drug to try and rid him of ‘the images in his head’.
Perhaps that's what he needed to stay sane though; receive some counseling and a bit of medicin
The Beginnings of a Madman "What the hell...!" Britain grabbed for his phone blindly, unable to rip his eyes off the headlines for the first of November. He hit the speed dial and waited with a shaky hand for the other person to pick up the phone.The Beginnings of a Madman5 years ago in Fan Fiction More Like This
"Yoooo, America here!"
"America, are you looking at the headlines!?"
"What are you talking about? I'm getting ready for elections!"
"Russia! What the hell happened to Russia!"
"He scared the heavens out of you last night, remember?"
England facepalm. "I know, I know, but what happened after that, you dolt?!"
"Lets see..." America put some thought into it. "I brought Russia to my house to scare you, then I sent him to scare Canada."
"Scare Canada?" England's frown was very apparent over the phone.
"Jeeze, whats got your panties in a bun-" The sound over the phone fell into a sudden silence as America stared at the headlines.
"World's Largest Country No Longer Exists."
Canada sat at his desk, doing papers. "Hm...? Really,
WhO iS tHiS cAnAdA.When I call out for youWhO iS tHiS cAnAdA.5 years ago in Fan Fiction More Like This
How will you know it is me?
On deaf ears, my words fall.
All of you do not hear.
Merely go on.
I start to lose myself.
When was the last time you heard my voice?
Heard my voice and knew it was me?
Everyone coats their mistakes with kind words.
Really though, I know the truth.
Everyone has to lie sometimes.
I should KILL them.
Can't I do this?
At least if they don't remember me...
No one can say who did it.
At least then...
Definitely, I would be glad to be unnoticeable.
And they would never know what hit them.
I should kill YOU.
And you would scream.
Music to my ears~
Be not afraid of the little Canadian.
Red and white, shy and happy.
Or be afraid, he doesn't care.
Kind in appearance, he will KILL you with a smile.
Every one will weep.
Guilmon TFThere are some things in your life that bothers you as a kid: bullies, parents, teachers, hardships in life. What if it tore you so bad you wish you could be something else to escape it? Well, that's just young Jesus wanted. He was flat out as miserable as a 12 year old cold be. He was failing math in 7th grade, always in trouble with his father and nothing came out of out except punishment after punishment. He couldn't take it. Everyday before his dad came from work he used to watch Digimon on Fox Kids. That show made Jesus happy at times with its characters. His favorite was Guilmon, a digimon who was created by his friend who was a digidestined. Jesus loved his powers of breathing fire and getting stronger each time he fought. When the show was over, his dad came back. As usual Jesus had a frown on his face that showed great hatred. He didn't like when his father punished him for the little reasons. He secrGuilmon TF6 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
Canada has snappedCanada: MAPLE!!!Canada has snapped5 years ago in Comedy More Like This
America: Bro, your creeping me out, bro.
Canada: Become one with Canada, brother~! >D
America: Bro, what happened to the bro code?
Canada: Who needs the bro code when you have Canada, EH?!
Random Poland: LIKE TOTALLY.
Random Russia: Da?
America: -is sad-
Canada: Aw what's the matter, soon-to-be territory?
America: W-what?! But what happened to us being bros? Was it all the times I... -thinks- Who are you?
Canada: I'M YO MASTA! Fear the maple! Fear it!
America: -in emo corner wimpering-
Canada: Aw it's okay little territory. I'll take good care of you. *Pats America's back*
America: -bawling and shaking- L-little?
Canada: Yeah cuz you're smaller and less important but that's okay lil fella, I'll make you stronger. *Smiles all innocently*
America: What about the h-hamburgers?!
Canada: You can keep you heart attack on a bun, you just have to eat it with maple from now on.
America: SHE'S THE LOVE OF MY LIFE AND EXISTENCE! PLEASE. I'M BEG
Quilava TF StoryNot an easy Lifelong DreamQuilava TF Story4 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
His Quilava had landed a critical hit.
Fuck! Till now I have been doing this shit and now it's dead!"
The words were hardly louder than a whisper, but you could hear Adan's discontent easily. He jumped up of his bed.
What's the matter?" He had seen this question coming but hadn't wanted to hear it, so he tried to calm down. It wasn't his sister's fault.
I've been looking for a damn Shiny Pokémon for about eight hours! And then a golden Geodude appears and dies from a single Tackle! That SUCKS." That was certainly true. He wanted to throw his DS to the ground, but he was no idiot. Maybe other people would do this, but he could control himself. At least he thought so.
Why, what have you done?" Ilona knew how to make her brother angry. She was 8 years old and her brother was 14, and as time went on she had become very good at estimating him.
Dammit! It was a CRITICAL HIT! Now leave me alone!"
Obsessive Compulsive1,2,3-1,2,3Obsessive Compulsive4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Count and repeat.
You can't forget,
or you'll go insane.
Is the door locked?
Do I have my keys?
Is the stove turned off?
Yes! Yes! Yes!
Count and repeat.
Don't screw up,
or you'll have to start again.
Is this clean?
Did I wash my hands?
Is this food okay to eat?
Yes! Yes! Yes!
Count and repeat.
Never miss one,
or you'll feel pain.
I touched that with this finger,
did I remember to touch it with the other?
Ouch! I cut my hand.
Ouch! I need them to be the same.
Count and repeat.
Make sure to go in order,
or you won't be able to sleep.
Everything must be perfect.
There's nothing wrong with wanting order.
This must go here, not there,
not anywhere else.
Count and repeat.
You can't forget,
or you'll go insane.
So many questions,
too many rituals.
It's sometimes too hard to handle.
Is the door really locked?
~Ashley Tia Long~
Blood and SnowBlood and Snow4 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
Blood and Snow
The blood was hot and red, so different from the snow it was dripping on. There was slight steam on contact before the snow changed the blood, hardening it, crystallizing it, changing it into something more like itself. The blood and the snow became one.
Canada kneeled in the snow, watching as it changed the blood. He didn't stare at the blood's source, knowing if he did he would snap. Again.
Boots crunched through the snow. Canada didn't move. He didn't care who it was. The boots stopped. Their owner was silent.
"Is this what you wanted?" Canada asked in a dull monotone.
"Is this what you wanted?" the man behind him replied in a cruel echo.
"I killed them."
"Da, you killed them."
"I just wanted to be seen, but they ignored me. My brother, my fathers, they forgot about me. But I didn't want it to be like this! I didn't-I didn't-"
"Did you enjoy it?" Russia asked softly.
Canada stared at the snow and the blood. Red and white, like his flag. The snow, cold and cruel, embra
My Brother the DragonIt was 10 AM when young Jacob Lenz woke up. He was a small boy at eight years of age. He had blonde hair and was the youngest in his family. His only sibling was his sixteen year old sister, Denise.My Brother the Dragon9 years ago in Fantasy More Like This
Jacob took off his pajamas and got his street clothes on. Afterwards he walked downstairs to get breakfest. His family usually had breakfest late so he didn't miss it. And as usual, his mom was the only one up at that time.
"Morning, Jacob." His mom greeted.
"Morning." Jacob replied, still a little bit drowzy.
Jacob climbed on top of the counter and opened one of the doors. He looked around for something to eat, finally finding a box of Fruit Loops. He jumped off the counter, the cereal box in tow and asked for a bowl to pour his cereal in.
His mom opened one of the cabinet doors and handed him a bowl. He walked to the table and poured his cereal in the bowl.
Jacob's sister and father walked into the kitchen as well. His father was already to go, while his sister was still in her nightgown.
NuSkin--Snake TFNuSkinTF StoryNuSkin--Snake TF6 years ago in Fantasy More Like This
Mom, Im back from A.J.s house! Mark shouted as he came through the door. He had been gone for a little while, but time flies quite quickly when you are with a friend. He looked at the grandfather clock in his living room and checked the time. It was 8:30 PM. Yikes! he thought to himself. He had been gone for a while, and if his mom ever found out that he had spent fourteen hours of the day at his best friends house, then it would be difficult to explain they were both playing video games nearly the entire time.
Mom!? Mark called a second time. Maybe she had not heard him? He didnt know if he was going to wait and accept his impending punishment, or if he should look for her and turn himself in to her himself. This was a problem. He walked over to his pet garter snakes aquarium. Heh, Cujo, youre just the same as ever. The old snake and long time buddy of Mark was sleeping in a coil under his fake log, takin
Failure -100TWC-Failure -100TWC-4 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
'They always overlooked me... I was never going to amount to anything. But I fought in wars, I defended myself. I beat Alfred! Am I still nothing?!'
Despite these thoughts, Matthew stayed still at the world meeting that morning. He looked at everyone as they stated their opinions and moved on before he barely had a chance to breathe.
'So impatient and cold... I am NOT invisible!' He stood up with a start, pushing the table back "accidentally" with his body. Everyone stared at the table as though it had said, "I'm going to eat your souls~" None of them even thought to look at Matthew.
"What just happened?" Wang Yao asked, voice trembling like his body. For such a large country, China was a pansy.
"I don't know, did someone kick it?" Arthur Kirkland asked. Even though England had taken care of Canada for so long, he still couldn't see the culprit.
"Maybe it was ghosts, dude!" There was a pause from Alfred Jones, "ghosts?! OmiGod, Britain hold me!!" And the American jumped i
LatiushChapter 1Latiush7 years ago in Fantasy More Like This
It was a great day to be outside. The wind was blowing; the Pokémon all out and about, and the flea market was in town! The flea market was one of the most interesting places to ever go to. There are always shops with some items youve never seen before! But this year, there was a brand new shop here. It was just at the end of the market, and was looking almost completely empty, so out of curiosity I decided to walk over there.
Hello? I called into the shop. Anyone here? just as I was about to leave I saw this older man trip out of the back of the tent, and he seemed really scared for some reason.
Why hello good sir! he said with a shaky voice Would you like to buy anything here?
Sure I said what do you have?
The man seemed to be glad for a spit second I have a VERY special item here today! he pulled out a box and set it on the table next to him, and
Feel Like a Failure?On MistakesFeel Like a Failure?5 years ago in Philosophical More Like This
So you feel like a failure? Like your whole life is just one mistake after the other? The truth is, we all feel that way, because that's what life is, really. One shortcoming after another. But there's good news in that.
A smart man follows advice when it's first given, but a wise man learns it from experience. And what is experience, but trial and error? If you are right the first time, then you know how to do something, but if you make the mistake, you learn twice as much; what to do, and what NOT to do.
Mistakes are a teacher's greatest aspect. I used to think that in order to help people, I had to be perfect myself, but I find that through my failures and my shortcomings, I can offer the best advice. I've learned that from the people who've taught me as well. My parents aren't perfect, nor are they gallant military folk or 'heroes' by the modern sense of the word, but its through their humbleness that they've taught me some of the greatest lessons, and it's that very co
Latios TfBlake was at home watching tv. He was about 9 years old and his birthday was getting close. When he turns 10. Blake was going to start his journey as a pokemon trainer. Then all of a sudden. Blake heard a tap on the door. He opens the door and see's that no one was there and close it. He then heard another tap on the door and open it again. Again no one was there. He then went outside and close the door. He look around and saw that no one was there. He then turns around and was surprise to see a Latias appear before him. Latias seem very happ and nuzzles Blake. Blake just petted Latias. Latias was being friendly today. He then saw something on Latia's hand. Latias shows it to Blake. It was a soul dew from Altomare. Latias wanted Blake to have it. Seeing that Latias wanted him to take the soul dew. Blake tooks the soul dew and looks at it. He wonders what it does. Then all of a sudden. The soul dew begins to glow and Blake begins to feel weird. His body begins to turn into a blue jet liLatios Tf5 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
Flygon surgeryI was nervous and scared.Maybe I should get a back story,heh heh.I'm Isako,that's a Japanese name that means sand.Well anyways,I was on the beach 1 day swimming,when I saw a wave.I tried getting away from the wave but I was hit by it,I was sent underwater,I was wrapped in vines so I couldn't get free.Flygon surgery3 years ago in Sketches More Like This
I felt myself running low on air so I just closed my eyes and fell into darkness.When I woke,I was thankfully in the hospital,almost no one can kill me!Well I tried to get up but I was so weak I didn't bother.A doctor came in and said that I nearly drowned and I would have to have surgery because most of my organs are failing.I sighed,my parents were considering prices.
They payed it anyways and it would take 3 days for the surgery to be prepped.I would feel sick and weak for each day before the surgery.I was already weak so I couldn't wait to see the other days,and I was sarcastic.Besides,has anyone felt like something was about to go wrong?That's what I felt like at that moment,I just p