Ahsoka found an old rusty bench on the side of the road she was on. It creaked as she sat down, but i didnt matter, her feet were too tired to care. she glanced up and watch as person after person passed by.
It took a moment, but she realized that this was the same bench she sat on years ago. It was almost poetic that she would return to this place. It was a day she could never forget, her fight with that assassin, when she met Kevin.
She reached deep into her pocket and pulled out an object in her hand. She opened up her hand and stared down at the ring Kevin gave to her, just hours before his death. She brushed off the dust off the shinning blue stone before gripping her hand back into a fist and slumped her head down.
"In breaking news,"
Ahsoka lifted her head and saw the screen across the street from her. It was the holo net news, with its normal anchorman sitting behind a clear desk covered with datapads, and a sign with the phrase "Breaking News" written in basic behind him.
"Supreme Commander of the Imperial Fleet, Darth Vader recently left a press conference, for reasons unknown."
The very mention of his name caused Ahsoka to flinch. Forcing herself to stand, she walked across the street, and watched as the anchorman continued.
"The conference was about the incident with the planet of Alderaan, four standard years ago. A single pilot said he had proof that the Empire was behind its destruction. But before the pilot could testify, Vader up and left, killing three guards who tried to stop him. At this moment, he is heading for his own personal shuttle. Like everyone else out there, i can only wonder what is so important."
Ahsoka was speechless. Could this had be the moment she has been waiting for?
"What the hell, got nothing left to loose." she thought.
She looked down and slipped the ring onto her left wedding ring finger, then headed off, blending into the crowd of the busy street.
Pushing officer after officer out of his way, Vader reaches the landing pad with his personal transport shuttle sitting on it, only to have another officer run up next to him.
"Lord Vader," the officer said "you must go through Imperial regulations before departing."
"I created that rule!" vader said while whipping around to the young man "It is mine to bend, and mine to break!"
"As you command, Lord Vader." he said with fear in his voice
Vader turned away and left, leaving the officer standing there as he walked up the shuttles entry ramp. Vader saw the pilot sitting in his usual spot at the controls.
"Warm the hyperspace engines and prepare for flight, pilot."
He nodded before doing as ordered. Vader settled himself into one of the seats as the ship started to rumble under his feet.
Ahsoka's head slammed against the wall of the cargo compartment she had crammed herself into. The floor was shaking, and she suddenly felt light headed, meaning the ship was taking off.
This is it.
She reached out and blew out the door open with a telekinetic blast, then leaped out with lightsaber igniting. She had hoped to catch Vader off guard, but he was already up with saber in hand. She felt his confusion, but Ahsoka would let him figure it out.
She launched herself at him, closing their short distance in a second and slashing at him. With the years of fighting stormtroopers, and jedi hunters Vader sent after her, Ahsoka's saber skills had drastically increased. In her mind, she and Vader were now on even ground.
But that didnt mean she was better.
Every time she struck, he blocked. Every time he struck, she blocked. Neither could get an advantage over the other.
"L-Lord Vader?" the pilot called out "What do you want me to-"
"Keep the ship airborne!" vader yelled over the clash of their sabers "I will deal with her!"
Vaders attacks suddenly doubled in strength. Perhaps he was only toying with her, and was now showing his true power. He tried an overhand strike that would have surely bisected her, if she had not brought her own blade up to block it.
Ahsoka knew she had to gain the upper hand, so she Vader with a force-blast under the Sith Lords guard and sends him flying back, towards the cockpit. Vaders massive form crashed into the controls. He was unharmed, but his blade had cut through the bottom of the pilots chair, slicing his loyal pilot in half.
And unfortunately for Vader, his shuttle started into a nose dive back down into the city. Returning his focus to Ahsoka, he stood up but instead of Ahsoka, saw a large round metal piece lying on the floor.
He ran as fast as he could and looked up to see a large hole in the ceiling of his ship. Vader leaps up and out the hole, and found himself having to stick himself to the hull.
Even with the years of fighting, Ahsoka's force skills had progressed little, and it took all she had to simply cling herself to the ship. Unfortunately for her, Vader did not have that handicap, as he headed strait for her.
Vader lashed out, using both his size and her inability to move, to his advantage. She soon resorted to making their blades clash. As the green and crimson blades sizzled between them, Ahsoka noticed the buildings they were passing by, meaning that she would go down in a fiery death, if she didnt jump ship.
Ahsoka broke off hers and Vaders exchange and leaped off the ship, hoping there was somewhere to land.
And her faith was rewarded, as she guided herself towards a landing pad located on the side of a building. She landed nimbly, thanks to the force, and turned to find Darth Vader was already falling towards her, with the ship already out of sight.
She flipped herself back, barely missing being squashed by Vader, and retreated back several feet. In the distance, she could hear the loud sound of metal crashing into something, followed by a bright orange light bouncing off the buildings and a large pillar of smoke.
She wished she could have seen the explosion...
But Ahsoka didnt have time to think about that, as she launched herself at Vader. But found herself swinging at air, as Vader lept up and landed behind her. She barely got her saber up to block the first attack.
"So, wheres your apprentice?" she asked over their clashing sabers
"Dead" he answered, knocking her back
"More death, huh?" she said "arent you tired of it?"
The duel continued in the rhythmic dance of their blades. "All things of the Dark Side end in death." he plainly said
"Exactly," she said, ducking down to avoid decapitation by his blade "Arent you sick of it Anakin?"
"Anakin Skywalker is dead!" he roared as she drove her back and closer to the ledge.
"No, he is'nt" she said "Lie to yourself all you want, but i know he's in there!"
Against the ledge, Ahsoka gives no more ground as the blades sizzled against each other.
"There is only darkness, Snips." he told her while trying to force their blades towards her eyes.
"Dennie it all you want, but i can feel you in there!" she said with her eyes watering "I can feel the light in you, follow it Anakin! Let it fill you-"
"Enough!" he screamed, knocking her blade away and plunging his lightsaber square into her chest.
The air left her lungs as she let her lightsaber slip out of her grasp, causing the blade to retract and the hilt hit the floor with a loud thud. Knowing it was over, Vader disengaged his own saber and returned it to his belt.
Minutes passed as Ahsoka stood, saying nothing. Perhaps her state of shock caused her vocal cords to tighten up?
"Anakin. . ." she whispered, sounding as though she barely had air to breath, let alone talk. "I know you can hear me"
Her leg twitched towards the edge and Vaders heart skipped a beat in anticipation, but nothing happened as she continued
"I dont know why you chose this path," she muttered "but whatever darkness holds you, i know you'll break free. And when the moment comes where you have to choose, i know you'll make things right."
She stared down at her her ring. Then ran her hand over the blue stone. "Im coming Kevie" she whispered
Ahsoka lets herself fall back and over the edge, sending herself falling down to the darkness far below.
And here he was, standing alone on an old landing pad, with his shuttle in flames and his apprentice from almost thirty years, was dead. Killed by his hand.
The sun was starting to set. Vader reached down and pulled his comnlink off from an array of devices on his belt. "Captain," he said into the device "Prepare for my arrival, i will be leaving immediately."
"Yes, my lord" the voice said over the comnlink
Putting the comnlink back on his belt, Vader departs from the landing pad. And with new, mixed feelings,heads off to meet his dark master.
The X-70 Phantom was cold and sterile, and it made Vector Hyllus's nose hurt as her took in the harsh smell of the cleaning chemicals the protocol droid had used to keep the ship clean after Kaliyo tromped through it in her muddy boots everyday. His enhanced sense picked up the pheromones and original chemicals scents, and it always made him slightly dizzy to think about them each as he did with the minds of the Killiks always curious to know more.
He was walking down the small corridor that lead to the cockpit, his boots echoing along the shining floors and his own entirely black eyes staring back at him, slightly distorted from the shimmering metal of the walls. He reached the end of the hallway and stood soundlessly in that Killik way of his in the doorway, watching her with a gaze more perceptive than any other mans.
He could see the rich colors that danced together in her hair like no human truly could. There were different shades of browns, from dark chocolate to lighter shades and highlights. She had it pulled back in that military way of hers, a tight pony tail. But, letting her rebellious colors shine through, her bangs hung loosely and some small strands had gotten free of her thin leather cord.
Her silvery-blue crystalline eyes, sometimes as cold and sharp as ice, but sometimes...only for him...they were warm and turned to steamy blues. She had full lips and wore little make-up, her face naturally beautiful, even to someone who didn't have his enhanced vision. The only thing that most people thought marred her were the three, long, vertical, jagged slashes that tore down the left side of her face. She wore her scars like badges of honor, and too him, they only perfected what was already flawless.
She had lost a lot of weight in the past few months, and she was thinner than ever before, her trying ordeal in the SIS as an undercover double agent for the Empire having drained her physically and mentally. She was exhausted, and he could only admire her for lasting as long as she had. She had been mind-controlled, the Empire's own technology they had implanted in her skull to control her if she became too powerful and learned too much had been found out by the Republic and turned against them. She had been left a powerless, helpless pawn. And no one had been the wiser. Even he had thought she was just acting strangely, but no. She had been unable to speak to anyone, for they had put in place a block in her mind to keep her from speaking and disobeying. She still hadn't told the full story of how she had awoken from her own mind trap. But, he just was glad she was safe.
Vector himself was a Killik joiner. A human Imperial who had been bound to the Killik Pheromones and had joined their hive mind. Even now, he could hear there whispering about her, her bravery, strength, and power. Always her power.
Ignoring them as best he could and slightly repressing the bond, he cleared his throat gently, causing her to look up from the trance she had been in, starring out at the glowing planet of Nar Shaddaa from the pilot's chair, where the rest of her crew was enjoying the leave she had been given by Keeper to recuperate from her trying ordeal. She rose slowly and in that graceful way she had, like a cat, slinking and sly, as she looked at him, inspecting his black eyes, with no white and no pupil, and his smooth-shaven and firm face.
"Vector." she smiled her rare smile, one he only ever got to see, and crossed her arms over her chest. He was a pleasing sight to her sore eyes, and part of her was glad he had decided not to join Kaliyo, Dr. Lokin, and Ensign Temple on Nar Shaddaa's dangerous surface.
"I'm sorry," she said, her sly smile widening as he stepped closer, within touching distance, and she got a whiff of his strange, and intoxicating scent. It was something she couldn't describe, but it was the most appealing thing in the world, and she inhaled deeply as he returned her smile confidently, bowing with his right hand over his heart in his Killik tradition.
"I'd forgotten you'd wanted to talk to me when the others were gone," she continued hurridly, trying to convey her serious apologies. "I've got time now, if you'd still like to..." she trailed off, nonchalantly leaning back against the back of the pilot's chair, and brushing a strand of hair out of her eyes and trailing her fingers across her scars in the process. Vector laughed that soft laugh of his, it was very charming and very boyish, and she loved the sound of it more than air itself.
"Yes, but we'd like some privacy," he stated, speaking in his usual way, referring to the whole hive rather than himself as an individual. "No crew members, no Killiks, no emergencies...if you could arrange it..." he looked at her uncertainly, not sure of what to say to her, to convey the feelings they had only been able to share in fleeting moments just before something life or death had happened, or just before something terrible occurred in the hive.
She was quite for a long period of time, and he was worried that she hadn't understood him. And that, if she had, she would say no. Or that she would worst of all...hate him for suggesting it. Her large eyes remained focused on him, scanning his face calculatingly, but not in an unkind or cruel way. She had all the love in the world in her gaze, and suddenly, a hope began to rise in him that maybe...just maybe...she would feel the same way.
Finally, she answered, slowly at first, but then a teasing smile broke out onto her face and he had to strain to keep from breathing a sigh of relief.
"I can arrange it," she whispered, still staring up at him in a way anyone but Vector would have found slightly unnerving. Then, her sarcastic side resurfaced and she reached for him, gently touching his shoulder with thin fingers.
"Shall I dim the lights? Pour a drink?" he laughed once more and she felt her heart soaring at the sound, her usual grim demeanor gone. He bowed again, a smile of his own once more teasing at his lips as he, in complete seriousness, responded.
"If you like," he answered slowly. "We'll meet back with you shortly, Agent Blaide." He always referred to her by her formal name. She was an Imperial Intelligent Cipher Agent, Cipher Nine. She had always gone by Blaide since she joined, and he had always called her such, even though he knew her real name, as very very few did. Akara Dantayus. He simply called her Agent, or Blaide or both, respecting her wish to leave her old life entirely behind.
She nodded her head and gave him one last fleeting smile before gently sliding past him and disappearing just a ways down the corridor into the small quarter she maintained.
Wherever they were, Vector hoped Kaliyo and the others were having as good a time as he was speaking with their fearless leader. It was the simplest things that seemed to make him the happiest.
Blaide didn't know what she was expecting Vector to say or do, but it was nothing close to what he actually did that night. She was absentmindedly looking over files on her large desk in her spacious quarters, flipping through mission reports and other documents.
Her quarters were warmly furnished in deep purples and the same silver as the rest of the ship, but thankfully, her quarters still had a small, homey feel to them. Despite her bitter exterior and hardened interior, she still enjoyed these small comforts.
She was still flipping through files when she heard booted footsteps coming back down the corridor, and she looked up from her paperwork briefly.
"Vector?" she called out quietly, her eyes traveling over to the doorway that lead out into the hall.
Suddenly, in a tone she had never, ever, once heard from him, she head his voice, soft and unsure, coming from the hallway. And what he said, oh what he said froze her, holding her in place as if a Sith had stopped her in her tracks. She couldn't be sure he had actually said it.
"I'm here, Blaide." he'd said. I'm. Not we're. I'm.
She was silent. Staring at him for a moment, before he suddenly stepped inside her room, walking in that confident way of his, and he looked at her, unsure of what she was thinking.
"Surprise." He murmured gently, reaching for her with arms that were the same, but now oh so different. She felt a smile creeping to her lips, and she couldn't keep her heart from beating like a drum in her chest, stopping her breath at the sight of him. Nothing had changed, and yet everything had.
"You look...wonderful!" she said softly, her voice barely a whisper as she fought to regain control of her breathing.
"You have nice eyes," she beamed at him, reaching up to touch his face with tentative fingers. There they were. So long hidden behind a layer of pure blackness, she could finally see them for herself. His eyes. Unaffected by Killik pheromones or hive minds. "It's so good to see them," she laughed gently. To Vector's now entirely human ears, it was the sound of an angel itself, no longer did he have to dissect the sound and feed it to the hive mind. It was just them. Just this moment.
Blaide was too busy literally being caught up in his eyes. She drank them in. Every detail, she wanted this to be one thing she would always remember, no matter what. The soft, delicate shape of them, the way his eyelashes left small shadows on his cheekbones. She loved the color, amber and chocolate swirling together in a mix of browns and golds. There were a liquid gold color and had rims of deep brown around the edges. Chocolate colored flecks dotted them and she marveled at the way it made his eyes stand out, his most captivating feature. They were looking down into her brilliant blue ones with a warmth she couldn't ever see in her own, a loving tenderness she couldn't imagine her own face contorting into. She knew they were fire and ice, and yet still, they were as perfect for each other as they could be.
She was still captivated by his eyes when he took her cheek in his hand gently, his fingers caressing her cheekbones and holding her gaze to his.
"You look different without your electrical aura," he observed quietly, trailing his fingers gently over the side of her cheek and she let her head rest gently in his smooth hand. "But just as lovely," he finished softly, letting his hand fall back to his side, keeping the distance between them so as not to seem to forward.
"The Aebea nest taught me to repress the Pheromonic bond entirely." he explained as a smile began to grow on her face as she realized this was the true Vector Hyllus. Not the one who shared his mind with thousands of Killiks, but the real and true man. She asked herself many times who she had fallen in love with. Vector? Or a thousand Killiks. But she knew the answer. She knew whose personality had shone through as he fought to become more human again.
"I can hold it for awhile," he added gently, their gaze still unbroken but by brief blinks that they both rushed so as to keep their gaze locked with their partner. They were finally seeing the true forms of each other, as they really were, raw and with no barriers. This moment was precious, and far, far too short.
He took a deep breath before continuing on, slowly taking her hands in his, tracing delicate patterns onto her thin hands with his thumbs.
"This is a moment for us to be together, one you needn't share with the Oroboro or the colony."
He waited for her response, expecting for her to drop his hand, or be completely spooked by his new appearance. He was still worrying about her response (he had apparently re-discovered that human quality, worrying over everything), he hardly noticed her eyes melting into the light, stormy blue he loved so much. That her gaze was full of nothing but care and admiration.
"You're a smart man," she replied with a slight laugh, her voice low, she was using the same sly tone she used when she was working up to some smart remark. "I don't like sharing." she stated cooly, squeezing his hand and taking a step closer to him. He too felt his heart pounding, and he smiled down at the beautiful woman so close to him. He had often wondered why she had chosen him, and as he admired her beauty once more, he felt the thought cross his mind. But he pushed it away, wanting to focus on the moment.
"I'll remember that," he said, barely having time to finish his statement before they collided, their arms wrapping around each other at the same time, and their lips meeting gently. He held her close, they were entirely about gentleness and care. Kaliyo was all about greed and lust, and Blaide wanted everything but that. The Rattataki girl had gotten herself into so much trouble with her care-free ways, and Blaide could hardly imagine how she could do so. But at the moment, it was made even harder as Vector gently kissed her, his love and care for her, his kindness and nobility, it was all tangible. She could feel it in every place their bodies touched.
They were fire and ice. He was warmth and light-heartedness. He had a constant desire for more: more knowledge, more learning, more culture. He was happy and all about the warmth so evident in his glowing eyes of brown and gold.
She was ice, all hard edges and bitterness. She was cold and calculating, critical, sarcastic, and often cruel. She would do whatever it took to get the job done. She was quick to anger, and she knew she was as hard and unfeeling as ice. Yet it had already been proven her mind was thin as ice as well. It could be cracked, by the Imperials, the Republic, whomever.
They were opposites, she was often angry at him for his gentle heart and kind spirit. She admired his loyalty to the Empire, and was curious at his kindness and generosity rather than the ways most Imperials were brought up with, the ways of their Sith leaders. They should not have been able to feel this way about each other, and yet they did.
She had taught him to regain his humanity, and in turn, he had melted away some the ice that had frozen her since her sister's run-in with the Sith lord and her family's death. He had brought her true happiness, and that was all that mattered.
While their companions spent their time, unaware on the Smuggler's Moon, Fire and Ice finally found their balance, a place where they could exist together, without harming one another. The only thing that mattered now was the love they felt for each other.
Without their knowing, morning slid into place, and Blaide and Vector stood quietly near the doorway of her room, holding each other close for a few last moments alone before the ship was once more alight with the noise of their companions returning from their night on the Smuggler's Moon.
"The others will be back soon," He whispered softly. Their heads were touching as he held her tightly to his chest. Their breathing was in sink, their hearts beating to the same tempo. She stood quietly, listening to the gently tempo as she drank in the sound of his voice. He gently leaned over and pressed his lips to her cheek, leaving a lingering kiss that made her smile against his chest.
"But I am glad we could have this," he added slowly, pulling away from her just enough to he could give her his small bow, his eyes glittering with warmth and love as he once more pulled her close again.
"I do love you, Akara." he whispered, deciding the only way to get his true feelings across was to use her given name. Despite the sound of it, she did not react hostilely. She simply kept smiling against him, her eyes closed as she breathed in the scent of him, as she had done for the past few hours.
"I love you too, Vector." she stated slowly, almost testing the way the words sounded on her lips. She liked it immediately, loving the way the sentence was structured, the way it sounded. It was like no other phrase. So simple, and yet so laden with meaning it almost hurt. Almost.
He sighed softly, stealing one last, gentle kiss as he brushed his lips against hers, trying to send her in that brief moment all that he felt for her. All the love, the care, the pride, the passion, the fear for her life, the adoration. He tried to convey all this in one last, parting kiss, and he hated to draw away. He say her stow her own sadness behind the layer of ice that was her eyes. "Then it all works out," he murmured, his lips still hovering inches from hers. He pulled away, being very gentle and kind as he brought his hands up in a 'v' so that his fingers pressed against the bridge of his nose.
He closed his eyes and she felt a flutter of panic as she realized what he was doing.
Vector let all his emotions come once more under his control before he let loose the pressure his mind had held on the bond. He would not share these precious moments and feelings with the Killiks. They belonged to him and to Blaide and no one else. He heard almost as suddenly as they had stopped, the voices of the thousands and thousands of Killiks once more chattering away, and for the first time in his life, it didn't feel as comfortable as it had before. Somehow, the way he had been with Blaide these past few hours...that felt more comfortable than he had ever been before.
Blaide had to hide her disappointment and sadness as Vector reopened his eyes and they were once again their usual black. She grit her teeth together and blinked, trying to make sure it was real. She knew he wasn't gone. He could easily become the man he was only moments before at any time, but the idea that he wasn't always that man frustrated and upset her as it never had before. Perhaps now because she knew that other man...
She stopped herself. They were the same man. She had fallen in love with the Killik-minded Vector long ago, and despite her initial hesitation, she loved him with all of her heart. Killiks and all. It was what made him himself, whether she could see his eyes or no. It was part of him, just as her scars were part of her.
"Now..." he said slowly, his mind still re-adjusting to hearing the Killiks once more. "We return to work."
She nodded slowly, smiling. She loved the way he spoke when he was with the hive. It was different than the way he had the night before, but she loved both of them the same. She squeezed his hand once last time as he returned her smile and bowed gently.
parts of the song (which i listened to while writing) are very innocent and sweet, which is how i wanted to portray this couple. Not in an awkward, smutty way. She may be very darkside and whatnot...but he brings out the good in her...and changes her and chips away some of the ice.
Vector is also one of the most interesting characters in this group i have as an Imp. Agent in SW:tOR. He's a neat concept, and I really like him in general.
I wanted to really focus on the differences between them as well. Anyway, I hope you like, and if you're interested, here's the scene, starting at 4:05 into it. [link]
its really sweet, and I liked it alot. I hope you enjoy, and please Leave a comment and tell me what you think. Also, in game, my characters name is spelled 'Blaede' since 'Blaide' was already taken. le sigh.
Title: Ajunta Pall Author: Heroes-Die Game: KotOR Characters: Ajunta, Revan Disclaimer: KotOR and its characters are copyrighted by Bioware and EA
"One who has fallen so far, and done so much evil does not deserve redemption. In a way, such a turning from one's way is cowardlya betrayal of the self." Kreia
Death. The agony of eternity compressing your mind. Or what's left of it. After ages of pondering what remains of the things you set in motion, what you cared enough to die for, details start to deteriorate. Everything fades except the actions that haunt choices of a life long past. At one time I was powerful, feared, admired for what I wasnot who. Now I can hardly remember my name. I remember the Sith though. I remember how they brought me here and refuse to let me go. I remember how I forsook the ways of the Jedi, turned on my master, and crept into the corrupt darkness that fed my guilty pleasures. Now there are no such feelings. Nowait. There is some feeling. I feel regret and guilt, those emotions than sink in too deep to be dulled by something as simple as time; they only grow worse. I can't escape them, no matter how far into eternity I drift. They won't let my spirit diminish. It yet remains for another reason, to find forgiveness for what I've done.
Belonging neither to the living nor the dead. It's a state of being I've almost become used to, but the memories still haunt no matter how far I'm removed from the waking world. The pieces of my mind I retain are disjointed memories of things I no longer know why mattered. Sometimes amidst these stagnant memories a living being intrudes. Usually it's to seek the power I once held in the form of a sword. It allows me to channel the dim speck of my life and focus it into the living world. But that's a lie I've told myself so many times it's become a sort of truth. The truth I deny is this: I feed from the living Force in the beings that enter here, sapping them while they try to retrieve the power that ruined me down to any shred of power I had left to my name. They desire my sword. It holds the power that made me what I was. And what I am
Just like the sword, my power cuts both ways. It filled me then devoured me, leaving me with desires that could never be satisfied. Death. Immersed in solitary darkness. That's the thing about death. There is nothing afterword. I chose this exile for myself, but I can't remember why. The feelings, that was the reason. I just thought about this, didn't I? Unending circles of thought. There isn't logic involved anymore, just haphazard thoughts strung together with a single compulsion to continue. If I stop, my spirit would diminish with no more than a whisper. This is what tortures me. Of all of the power I held, it no longer mattersit's important, useless. I wanted to go out with a scream that would forever scar the history of...what planet am I on? It has to be KoriKoriban. That was it. The strength of the dark side poured into a world. That is why I was drawn here to devour its power the way my sword had siphoned mine. The sword. But I've already thought of that as well. It needs to be removed from me. It's always there in my mind, drawing my spirit towards it, but I can never reach it. Never silence it when it calls to me. Perhaps I'm not alone after all. The sword speaks to me in the solitude.
Death. Isn't it supposed to be the ultimate finality? This isn't deathit's drifting. I drift on non-existent murmurs of the Force. Sometimes I feel guilty for using the part of the Force I had forsaken in life. Guilt. It follows me everywhere. With nowhere to go except deeper into a tattered mind, the feeling can't be evaded. I can get rid of it sometimes by thinking of the last person that disturbed these lingering thoughts. It had been... a young Twi'leck. He sought my sword, trying to obtain favour in someone's eyes. The Twi'leck didn't last long when he failed the test that was set before him, his life Force ebbing away while I added it guiltily to my own. Or had it been my sword that took his life? I was disappointed when the Twi'leck failed. Every time they come I believe for one moment they can release me, take the sword and loose me from it, but they always manage to get it wrong. And I am always forced to...terminate them. Their deaths had been quickI made sure of thatunlike my gradual fall. I long for...
Another presence is here besides mine. I can feel this man from the other end of my tomb. He is powerful, more so than any I have encountered, but his presence seems familiar, as if he had left an imprint then departed without taking the test or the sword. Strange. Most can't resist the promises of every temptation the dark side could offer, most often the empty assurance of power. Maybe my time in this lingering state is coming to a close. But, wait something is wrong. The power this man commands is not of the dark side at all. He's in the Light. Why would such a man come to a planet that is full of only the dark Forces of this universe? Disturbing. Interesting.
He is drawing much closer. It's almost time to reveal myself.
The man's footsteps pound on my spirit like a krayt dragon walking on grains of sand. The Force reverberates off him with such powerthe sword is awakened by him and will not be quieted, nor will it be satisfied until the test is completed to whatever end. He also brings two companions. With this amount of energy, my spirit can collect more of myself than before. This is good. Perhaps I will be able to remember remember my name. Maybe with my name will come more memories, perhaps even why I entombed myself.
The man strides through the dark side like it was nothing more than vapour in a desert windeven in my tomb, in the bowels of a world that serves no purpose but to devour, he ignores the darkness. It's nothing to him but a shadow that can be banished by a flicker of light. He sees and takes what he will. That's what they all do, though this one puts more thought into what he's taking, the memories he's snatching from the supposed dead. The sword is the only thing left now that remains untouched. Remember, its power cuts both ways. There is a trick to finding the true sword. I know now. There were three but only one holds the truth. I cry out to take the accursed thing away, but the man must first pass the test. This is the test of three: I am that which grips the heart in fright, hearkens night and silences the light. If one choses the right sword, there is a reward, but failure will cost a dear price.
The sword is removed. The man has taken the bait and sealed two paths of fate. Now is the time to reveal myself; a semblance of life floods my spirit, and I am discarded into the world of the living. Memories return and I ache with the force of them. It has been too long too long in the cold and the dark. They remain there staring at me, except for the one. He stands still, taking me in, evaluating me. He knows me for what I am and yet shows no fear. He knows I am simply a remnant of the Force, a ghost from things so lost in history even the land has forgotten its past. But a crushing weight presses upon this man as wella past he would rather forget bowing his head. But I must ask him. Am I disturbed again? A human
They stare and remark upon the shifting, confused spirit before them. But why is there a Jedi? Here? Why have you come to this dark place, Jedi? Why disturb my sleepless rest? Do they even know why they wake me or what they've taken? But they ask they speak, and they ask my name.
I had a name, once. It scurries to the forefront as it's summoned for this Jedi, the name a harbinger of memories that I realize I never wanted back. Ajunta Pall. Yes, that was my name. I was one of many. Many that held the same guilt that plagues me now, but then we called it power. Only now we know its truth. The dark side does not serve you, it serves itself. We were servants of the dark side, for it will never have a master Sith Lords, we called ourselves. So proud.
In the end we were not so proud. Now, as I stand before this man in the Light, I know I deserve this fate; my shadows cower in the light of his truth. We hid from the ones we betrayed. We fell and I knew it must be I've been judged rightly in this exile. The things I've done There is no hope for me unless they take my sword. If they take it, perhaps it will let me go. Finally let me go.
Will this man show mercy? Would any being on Korriban show mercy
But I see this man where the others do not. I see your heart, human Jedi. I see your power, your pride. You you will find the old place, the dark place, and you will regret it.
I see the spaces in you the Light cannot reach, little Jedi.
Ah, I see you've found the dark place already
I've walked your very path and reached its conclusion. What will decide your fate is this:
Is there enough truth, enough wisdom in you to see the shapes of malice in my Darkness?
I was wondering what Ajunta Pall would think about while his spirit was stuck in a state of not-being and this is what came of it. I love his character and what he has to say to Revan if you enter his tomb.
The Emp sat in a balcony alone in his tower, shrouded by a cloud of gloom and glower. Whatever the reason, whatever was said, the Emp looked down from his tower, hating the Jeds. "I will halt their goodwill and halt it still."
The Emp snuck into the temple of Jeds, planning to kill them asleep in their beds. He walked straight to the training quarters, located all in a row. "These padawans are the first ones to go." He arced his lightning at all sorts of jeds short and tall till all there was left was a stain on the wall. He then went room to room, committing the other jeds to certain doom.
The Emp returned to his tower with a feeling of triumph and power. "The citizens of Coruscant are just waking up, this I know, their mouths will hang open, then they'll all sob with woe. I will celebrate with food and wine because Coruscant is now mine!"
From birth he has been a traitor, having betrayed nature itself, and now he was about to betray the only family he had left. After this he would have no one. His only allies would be the dark shadow he called a Master and the dark side itself.
The engines of his gunship were humming peacefully. The calm before the storm, as it was called. There were at least twenty Clone Troopers in the ship with him. They were relatively quiet, checking their gear and rechecking it. Or were they? They could be conspiring against him at this very moment, plotting to kill him the moment he turned his back on them.
All beings were capable of betrayal in his dark eyes.
"Commander?" He called silently. "A word with you, if you please."
The blue-armored clone made his way through the crowd of soldiers and crouched in front of his superior, who had sat down in a corner, pitch-black robe covering him almost entirely. The Commander seemed alert, left hand on his holstered sidearm, right hand on his belt near the thermal detonators.
The traitor's voice was barely a whisper. "Do you trust your men?"
The clone thought for a moment then replied confidently. "Yes, sir."
"Are they willing to kill for our cause?"
The clone answered immediately, relieved this wasn't about troopers under his command going AWOL, as it would have been very inappropriate for his superior to inform him his men had changed sides after he had vouched for them a few heartbeats earlier. "Yes, sir."
A dark grin crept onto the traitor's face. "Are they willing to die for our cause?"
Again, no hesitation. "On your command, General."
He nodded approvingly. "Very well," he said, pleased. "See to it our preparations are complete before we land."
"Yes, sir!" The clone barked and retreated back into the crowd of bodies that formed half of one of the 501st's platoons.
When all the gunships had docked and unloaded their troops, the traitor would have the entire 501st Legion under his command. More than ten thousand soldiers to kill less than a few hundred Jedi. It could have been considered overkill, but the traitor wouldn't have it any other way. His past would die at the Jedi Temple's gates and all the Jedi with it.
There would be no one left alive to call him a traitor.
He dropped into a meditative state of mind and tried to sense what would happen in the future. Though he knew this to be a lost cause as he had been taught that Jedi could see the future, but not decide when to see it he didn't give up. The future would be revealed to him, no matter what. He dug deeper and deeper into the dark side, raw energy moving through his entire body, until he finally managed to glimpse the coming events.
The traitor saw death. Hundreds of Jedi were falling to his blade, looks of resentment and confusion on their faces as they fell. Their expressions said what they couldn't say traitor. Their bodies were cut up by his lightsaber, the blue blade mocking the Jedi's own colors. He wasn't laughing as they fell. Maybe it was the scent of rotting bodies. Maybe it was the sight of dissected younglings.
Do what must be done, he had been told. It seemed he wouldn't disobey his Master.
But the traitor knew all of this would soon transpire, maybe not the gruesome details but still. He wanted to see the future, to know whether his choices were right or wrong. He looked deeper into the void, losing hold of the present entirely. He saw a planet burning with infinite flames, lava flowing where there should have been water, ash falling where there should have been rain. He saw himself there, bringing more death and suffering with him. The longer he stared into the void, though, the more things got blurry, the words incomprehensible.
" let go allegiance Republic democracy what must "
He didn't recognize the voice. Nor did he recognize the next one.
"Can fear killed "
Suddenly he felt pain terrible pain. He was burning alive. The traitor couldn't snap out of it. He felt worse than dead he couldn't die. He was stuck in endless agony that would have probably carried on forever.
As luck would have it, the traitor snapped out of his nightmare to find himself at the lead of a column, the end of which he couldn't see. The column was made up of soldiers, each one of them wearing the dark blue colors of the 501st Legion.
And he was leading it. He was leading them towards the Jedi Temple.
He now knew the price of failure. Not death, no, far worse - he would suffer forever, unable to die. He couldn't fail. Every Jedi had to die today. Every last one of them. The traitor detached a metallic object from his belt and put it in his right hand, the sleeve of his robe masking its presence with deadly efficiency. He put his thumb on a small button that would ignite his weapon and extinguish all hope the Jedi had for survival.
So I made this short story for a contest - which ends at the end of the month - and decided to post it here too as my (believe it) second finished story ever. So, basically the rules were the title had to be 'Born a Traitor' and it had to be related to Star Wars. Naturally, I was thinking 'Skywalker' but I wasn't too sure whether to write a story about Anakin or Jacen (don't give me the 'he's a Solo' speech). I think it turned out quite well, actually, and I didn't make it that dang long either so I guess I can call it a success.
If you have time, have got nothing better to do, or just need to chill out somewhere - join the forum, share some game knowledge, talk some Star Wars/Trek/LOTR. Have fun.
I went to the psychologist today and was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder. It all fits: the tense muscles, the unremitting shyness, the insomnia, the visits from murderers in my nightmares, the indefatigable worry. I finally understand what my problem is.
Your poisonous tendrils wrap themselves around my panicky, thumping heart and squeeze it until it almost stops. If I was ever able to pry them apart, Im sure they would leave permanent bruises in the ugliest shades of olive and mauve.
(Let me go let me go let me go.)
I have a ten ton weight resting on my taut, rigid shoulders thanks to you. My heart always knows your presence, trembling uncontrollably with your mere suggestion. Thoughts about being negatively judged chase each other throughout my mind and tangle themselves into an intricate, jumbled mess until I dont know what I am thinking anymore.
See what you've done to me?
I discovered the reason behind why youve stuck with me all these years. Youve been there for me since day one of my existence when I was born too early and only a pound and a half of skinny bones and fragile, discolored flesh. Surrounded by beeping monitors and stabbed with intravenous needles for nine weeks before I could escape the chaos, that is where you first discovered me.
Now I'm not so sure I can tell you to leave.
Two years since I was granted medication to relieve myself of the burden of you, I still cant let you go. Youre a constant presence in my now peaceful, serene mind, tormenting me with vivid hallucinations of fear and humiliation like I had once known. You take advantage of my every weak and vulnerable moment.
When will you ever let me rest in peace?
I want to walk among the stars and soar among the heavens but you wont let me.
PLEASE DO NOT USE THIS PIECE WITHOUT MY WRITTEN PERMISSION.
This poem was originally intended to be submitted as an entry for =TheLeavesOfMemory's For a Cause contest ([link]) but since I couldn't find anything visual to go with it, I'm going to have to think of something else.
This is purely non-fiction. I was diagnosed with severe Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and now I'm meeting with a psychologist every week to learn to manage stress and worry.
Studies have come out that babies born prematurely and in the hospital for a long time just after their birth (like me) suffer from high anxiety the rest of their lives.
Well, it's a small price for being able to live.
Telling someone with GAD to "just calm down" is absolutely useless. We know that a lot of the things we're worried about aren't worth stressing over but with anxiety disorders, our worry is unmanageable and interfere with our day-to-day lives. We feel that we have to worry or else we'll be caught completely unprepared if the worst happens.
I hope that through this, you realize that anxiety disorders aren't something made up, a joke, or just some stupid excuse. They are lifelong disorders and certainly aren't able to be fixed in an instant. Even with medication, I struggle with it every day.
To all who have anxiety, this is a tribute to you. Know that at least one person knows what you're going through or what you have gone through. You're definitely not alone.
EDIT: In the spring of 2010, I realized that Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) seemed to be a more accurate diagnosis for what I was going through and so I worked with a therapist that specialized in SAD individually and with a social anxiety group. Initially, they rated me a 119 on the Social Anxiety Scale, which is very high to extreme, and by the time the group session was finished, I was a 39,which is considered to be below clinical diagnosis! It's gone up and down since then and it's still not entirely gone but I'm proud to say it's a whole heck of a lot better! So in the poem, I changed "generalized anxiety disorder" to "social anxiety disorder" and a few of the GAD symptoms to SAD symptoms.
Rule 1: Kill them before they kill you. Rule 2: Dont believe what youre told, double check. Rule 3: Three things you should never believe weather forecasts, the canteen menu, and intel. Rule 4: Always double estimates. especially for number of enemy units. Rule 5: Never be completely unreachable. Rule 6: Always wear gloves at a crime scene. Rule 7: Always be specific when you lie. Rule 8: Never take anything for granted. Rule 9: Always carry a knife. Rule10: Never leave prisoners together. (makes it easier to escape) Rule11: Its not stolen, just differently procured. (or confiscated) Rule12: No plan survives contact with the enemy. Rule13: Always have a plan B. Rule14: Theres no such thing as coincidence. Rule15: Always work as a team. Rule16: Guilty until proven innocent. Rule17: Always make sure theyre dead. Rule18: Its better to seek forgiveness than ask permission. Rule19: Always have a backup. Rule20: Always have a backup for your backup. Rule21: Best way to keep a secret? keep it to yourself, or 2, tell one other person. aint no 3d best way. Rule22: Never pull sentry duty on an empty stomach. Rule23: Never mess with a marines coffee if you want to live. Rule24: Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice, ammo is cheap, life isnt. Rule25: Only hits count, a close miss is still a miss. Rule26: Never apologize to the enemy, its a sign of weakness. Rule27: If your shooting stance is good, thats bad, you either need to move faster or check your cover. Rule28: In gunfights, if youre not shooting you should either be: reloading, communicating, or running. Rule29: Always use a gun that works EVERY TIME. Rule30: Use cover and concealment as much as possible. Rule31: Camouflage: shape, shine, shadow, silhouette, sound, smell, and movement. The 6 Ss + M. Rule32: Flank your foe whenever possible. Protect yours. Rule33: Never drop your guard. Rule34: Always tactical reload, then scan 360. Reul35: Not all soldiers wear uniforms. Rule36: Vary your routines, patterns are traps. Rule37: Never call attention to yourself. Rule38: Always carry an extra clip. Rule39: Never say no to bacta. Rule40: Courage is not lack of fear, but an ability to act regardless of fear, Rule41: Always be polite, especially too your enemies. Rule42: Imagination is your most important weapon. Rule43: Never tell the whole truth in a trade. Rule44: A favor is an investment. Rule45: Any crash you can walk away from, is a good one. Rule46: Always read the manual. Rule47: Watch out for things that go too well. Rule48: Be wary of attachments, they can easily be used against you. Rule49: Being hard is good, being hard with superior tech is better. Rule50: You cant raise soldiers with flash-training and sims. They have to come face-to-face with death itself. Rule51: Never lean to the water to get a drink, always use your hands to bring the water to you. Rule52: Verpines dont bounce. Rule53: When in doubt, use P, for plenty. Rule54: The key to a good bluff is not to bluff. Rule55: Never sit in chairs with arms, if you can help it. Too easy for you to get trapped in those. Rule56: Never sit in a corner. Rule57: Never sit with your back to the window. Rule58: Always sit somewhere that you can see ALL the exits. Rule59: Always check for alternate exits. Rule60: If you cant solve a problem, flip it upside down. Look at it from the enemys point of view. Rule61: Never date a co-worker. Rule62: Choose politics or love, you cant have both. Rule63: Never make a promise unless youre sure you can keep it. Rule64: Plan ahead, but not too far ahead. Rule65: A plan made too far in advance is less adaptable and prone to failing. Rule66: Adaptability is key. Rule67: Never anger a Wookie. (or a Hafvian.) Rule68: Ones an anomaly, twos a coincidence, and three is a trend. Rule69: Never go to Darvaria during spring-time without full body armor. Rule70: Plan to live forever, expect to die today. Rule71: Never, ever, ever, get caught in a love triangle. Rule72: Always know who and what youre fighting for. Always.
This is a list I made by combining the rules of: Gibbs' (NCIS) Jango fett, the clone commandos, Kal skirata (star wars) basic marine rules, and a few of my own. It's not done yet, but I thought I'd share what I have so far.
"Confront them with annihilation, and they will then survive; plunge them into a deadly situation, and they will then live. When people fall into danger, they are then able to strive for victory." -Sin Tzu
The Eve probe sat there on the ground paralyzed with fear; the ominous figure above her continued to stare her down with his piercing yellow eyes, keeping a close eye on her. "General Grievous!" called out a Battle Droid Elite. Her circuits froze with fear upon hearing that name. He must have been "The General" that the battle droids were talking about; the word Grievous just fit his appearance, he looked like someone who was willing to inflict large amounts of pain and torture upon anybody who got in his way. The droid walked up to the intimidating general keeping his menacing eye on her, the Eve probe could tell that the battle Droid Elite was just as nervous as she was being around this frightening leader. "Sir, we've found the rumored listening outpost; everyone inside has been shot." "Have you placed the explosive charges on the listening satellite?" the ominous figure spoke in his raspy yet dominant voice, keeping his harsh yellow eyes on the cloaked small figure in front of him. "Yes sir, they're ready to detonate at your command." "Let it so. Destroy that confounded device; strike a hard blow for the Jedi scum." "Yes sir." The Droid Elite signaled to the others to back off as he prepared for detonation, General Grievous grabbed onto the Eve probe's cloak and forced her near his menacing face as he intimidated her. "Now, little Republic slime; watch as your Republic listening post is destroyed, knowing YOU have failed the Republic!" "But I-"she tried to say that she was not one of the people working there but he turned her around while his hand gripped her cloak. In a few seconds an explosion rang out as the building that housed the listening outpost burst into flames as a large plume of smoke begin to rise. The Eve probe wasn't really concerned about that place, she had what she wanted safe inside her compartment, but she realized that if they took her prisoner, they would take the chip and it almost forever to find another listening post to find ship routes to safely move about the galaxy. She needed to move, now. While the general was still gripping her cloak, she quickly slipped out of it and flew away as fast as she could. Grievous noticed this though as he quickly turned around and a barbaric yell emitted from his vocalizer, she turned her head as finally their eyes met, but like a magnet, they only saw dislike for one another, she wasted no time as she flew away into the plains. "Should we go after it, sir?" a Battle droid asked the intimidating general. "No." he replied, clearly some hatred and frustration in his voice from letting her slip out of his fingers. "I will deal with that slime myself." A cough escaped his vocalizer as he hopped aboard a speeder and chased after the probe.
The Eve probe flew as fast as she possibly could to get away from the town and that frightening general. She had never seen anything more frightening in her entire life. It didn't matter anymore, she was long gone from him, she made no plans to ever seen him again. All of a sudden, a shadow seemed to be over her, she looked up and to her horror, there he was. The General was on a speeder and he managed to fly over her. She saw that he jumped off the speeder, falling towards her; she tried to fly faster but it was too late, he grabbed her by the arm as they both fell towards the ground, he threw her hard into the ground. She felt dizzy but she was all right. She knew though she had just lost energy from flying that fast to get away, flying like that again would drain her until her battery was empty. "You are quite stubborn, scum." The General spoke to her; clearly he knew that she couldn't fly like that anymore from her electronic panting. "Give yourself up and I won't have to inflict force to get you to talk." She had no intentions of being HIS prisoner; she pulled out her plasma rifle and fired a shot at him. He dodged the shot but it burned a large hole through his cape. "I won't surrender! I'm no one's prisoner!" She yelled at him, keeping her gun aimed at him. General Grievous showed a shocked look in his eyes upon hearing her voice. "A pitiful female probe?! Challenging me, General Grievous? Refusing my generous offer? I offered a peaceful resolution to this but you leave me no choice now." He removed his cape, his slouched over body stood upright as his hands pulled out two silver sticks. Suddenly, a green and blue pole made of light emerged from the sticks giving off an ominous hum. She had heard of these laser swords from space pilots and droids; they said only a certain group of people called 'Jedi' or 'Sith' had them. They were supposed to be invulnerable, they could slice through anything and lasers could bounce off them; this skeleton cyborg how did he get a hold of two of these weapons? "You've left me with one choice pitiful female I am going to have to use force " She knew this tactic, typical male dominance. He was gonna act all big and try to get her to give up cause he had powerful weapons. She wasn't gonna fall for it; she had an equally powerful gun to her disposal and she damn well knew how to use it. "Bring it on you creep!" she called at him. A cough escaped the general's vocalizer as he came forward intending to get at her; she dodged his attack as she fired a shot at him, he held up his laser swords to block the attack, they absorbed the blast's power but it was enough budge the General back a meter from the plasma blast. It also left a small mark on his face; she saw in his yellow eyes that he was ticked. "I was going to let you come to your senses so I was going easy on you. But it appears that you're going to be more trouble than I thought." To her shock, his arms separated as the second pair of arms reached pulled out two more laser swords. Now he had four, count 'em, FOUR Jedi weapons. It was beyond her that THIS general was able to kill one Jedi and take his or her weapon, but to have killed four?! Her courage began to dwindle; her gun shook from the thought that he was that powerful. A look of victory appeared in his eyes as he took a step towards her. "That's it, just put down the gun. Scum like you wouldn't stand a chance against me. It's better to be the coward and just give up to the Separatists you don't want me to kill you." Hearing him talk like that fueled her anger as she steadied her gun towards him. "I don't care! You're not going to make me a prisoner! I'm nobody's prisoner!" Her determination renewed, she felt stronger and ready to take on whatever he had. "Foolish female you've only spelled out your own doom!" He came at her, this time, she took the smart decision and flew up and fired several shots down at him; his weapons flicked away each blast as they hit some of the rocks in the area, melting them slightly from the intense power. He then did something that caught off her guard, his leg pulled out a gun and fired a clear shot that caused her to fall to the ground. She fell back on the ground, but she wasn't out for the count, she rolled to avoid his sharp-clawed foot that tried to stamp down on her, she attempted to blast his leg but he jumped, fired his gun again but she flew out of the gun's direction and skillfully dodged more laser sword slashes that normally would've cut a regular human to pieces but her small body and her finesse kept her from acquiring serious harm. She occasionally received a few nicks and cuts from the laser gun and from the spinning swords but she was skillful dodger. Eventually she managed to get a shot on one of the swords as she blasted it out of his hand, no time to celebrate, he seemed to try harder now to get her. A good 10 minutes passed from dodging and growls coming from the skilled General when eventually, she managed to fire the other laser swords out of his hands. But she grew over-confident as his free hands became fists and one fist landed close to her face, causing her to ram into his leg. His free hand grabbed her gun and held it out so she wouldn't try to shoot him, his other hand grabbed her other arm as he held his laser sword up to her head, its green glow illuminating on her screen. His face close behind hers, she could tell because she heard him panting exhaustedly from their battle. It was almost as if he wanted to see her fear in the laser sword he held in front of her, she didn't know if this was going to be the end; the only thought that went through her head were her sisters back from earth in her own galaxy. "You were doomed before this fight even began. I'm stronger and faster than you..." She expected her end to happen but instead, she felt a hard jab in the back of her head. Not a jab like knife but like he hit her hard enough to put her into sleep mode. Well, it worked as she struggled less and became more and more drowsy. He let her go as she fell on the ground, before she blacked out and went into sleep mode, she heard the laser sword deactivate and General Grievous say "But I must say I admire your fighting skills "
-Transmission Data End. Searching for further recorded data-
Application of Makeup in Order to Make a Masculine Face More Feminine
This "tutorial" will focus mainly on the face, touching generally on use of clothing for a "total" appearance. I will try to cover things important for part-time and full-times as well.
PLEASE KEEP IN MIND - where referring to the differences in appearance, this is obviously not going to be truth for all men. Just like the concept of beauty, the difference between male and female has no exact formula that will work for everyone's face.
ALSO : This is not focused towards Drag Queens or outrageous female makeup - this may be a starting point, but Drag is more a fantasy and though there are some general concepts - something you just need to be creative with, not limited to a set of ideas about.
1. Hair. Current culture dictates, women generally have longer hair than men. Cut of hair is extremely important - the cut needs not only to be "feminine" but to flatter your face. You can have your hair (or wig) cut to minimise a prominent jawline - from what I've seen, curly or wavy hair or hair with layers angling inwards works best. Short hair can work, too, but it's more exacting and if you're really trying to pass, you may want to start with long first unless you have a very feminine face or a very skilled and accepting stylist.
Long hair in a single-layer blunt cut is not very feminine. Shorter, "flippy" hair is feminine, but takes a good deal of work.
Women's hair tends to be lighter than men's - women bleach their hair as it is a biological sign of female fertility in Caucasians especially.
1, A. To apply a wig. Women's foreheads tend to be shorter, so there is really no need to apply a bald-cap. Hair should be slicked back if it is short, and covered, though (to protect the wig - the less you have to wash it, the longer it will last).
NOTE : Obviously, you do not need to follow all ideals to a T, and doing so is not that important - you must simply effectively tip the balance in what the average person sees when they look at you. No one thinks Catherine Zeta-Jones is a man because she has dark hair - it's a complex combination of things that produces an overall effect.
Also, it might be best to get a "perfect" wig or custom wig rather than cut it yourself if you don't have experience cutting hair. A wig that is cheap enough for you to risk cutting it without skill is cheap enough it will look fake and ruin the overall effect you're going for. Using your natural hair is best, but I understand not everyone wants to have it styled to appear feminine all the time.
Oddly, I have found that spiking the hair is feminising - perhaps because of the volume. It is important in female hairstyles that there be "volume" around the face - it makes a HUGE difference than having a limp hairstyle.
2, A. Facial Hair. Obviously, none. Women have "peach fuzz" but this cannot be imitated well. Your best bet is in waxing all facial hair (lasts longer, shaving grows back in hours).
B. Eyebrows. Female eyebrows are more arched and thinner. Also, they should be slightly lighter than your hair colour for best effect (you may bleach - some reputable salons will do this, or you can do it at home if you're very careful, I did it once and to a friend, I'm not blind and neither is she).
If you want to do this temporarily, your best bet is probably in a latex cover for the eyebrow - you can try to "block them out" but it is not always effective for thicker brows.
You can then draw on a new pair (as natural, using tiny delicate strokes to simulate hair, or as theatrically Greta Garbo as you want).
To shape your natural eyebrows, try using foundation to cover up the parts you want to remove to get an idea of how the shape effects your face. The shape should follow the curve of your eyes and 90% of the time, you want to remove from the bottom, not the top (though you may have to to create an arch). You will most likely want to pluck some of them away from the center - generally to about where the sides of your nose are, sometimes less with a very wide nose. Close eyebrows are masculine.
C. Eyelashes. An eyelash curler is actually not a waste of money and makes a big difference. For a subtle look, use brown mascara - or brown false eyelashes. If you have a dark complexion, black will look natural (but not on lighter ones).
Applying false eyelashes is easy. You just dab the latex glue on the part that goes on your face, making sure to get a little extra on the ends and let it dry for about a minute - then apply carefully (I think it's best to apply from the end closest to the nose if you're using a full set - this saves you from accidentally applying that too far away - which looks really weird.
D+E. Moustaches + Beards. A general note for areas with facial hair - if you've only shaved, not waxed, you will have a cool-colour / bluish / greying tone to the skin where the hair grows. Make sure to cover this up well - it's a dead give-away (waxing is best - you can live with no stubble for the few days it takes to grow back).
You cannot adequately cover up a beard or moustache. You may be able to with a latex appliance - flattening the moustache with spirit gum under it - but I've never seen it done, and if it's more than a cm or so of hair, you'll just look lumpy.
3. The Face. General Note : Women of any race are lighter skinned, slightly, than the men. This is a fact. You may with to choose a foundation slightly lighter than your skin tone - but don't go too light or you'll look ghostly in an inhuman way.
A. Forehead. Try shading at the hairline, and shading on the top bone before the temples so they "stick out" less. You may also wish to shade carefully and lightly on the bones of the forehead if they cause "brain bulge" at all, as well as brow ridges if possible.
Longish bangs will make a face more feminine most of the time, as will layers around the face. Hair makes a HUGE difference - really.
Also, if you have a high forehead, you might want to bring the wig down past your natural hairline so that it shortens it. You can use a hairlace hairpiece with natural hair, too, but these need to be custom-made.
B. Eyes. Female eyes are generally more "doe-like". If your eyes are droopy, you may want to refrain from using eyeliner on the top lid - it will make the eye area look smaller. Use a light-coloured or nude-white eyeshadow if your orbit is not very visible - and shade "slightly above the crease" of the eye and shade lightly and carefully above it - but don't use too garish a colour to do so (browns and corals and goldens are nice).
Don't use bright colours if you want to pass or unless you have experience using them. They will draw attention and closer inspection that might "out" you from passing. Don't use much colour on the skin between the orbits of the eyes and the eyebrows - it's too "drag queen" if not done well.
Do not apply too much eyeshadow close to the nose (it brings the eyes together) - stick to the outside areas, you may wish to do a little "cat's eye" "Egyptian eye" flick away from the eye to make them look farther apart. Must be very slight for everyday makeup, and perhaps in brown. You can also shade a bit with eyeshadow.
Apply concealing liquid or foundation under the eyes in the "tired circles" and the area where crow's feet would be / are.
You can use eyeliner under the eye, usually. Depending on the shape of your eye, you may want to not use a lot or any in the middle or it will make the eyes look droopy.
C. Nose. Shade down the sides of the nose, a bronzer is nice for this - I use MAC's "golden" for a lot of shading and it looks very nice. If you use theatrical cream shadow, blend well - this should not be a LOT darker, it needs to look natural.
Highlight down the center, perhaps skipping a prominent bridge.
You may de-emphasise nostrils with shading if you wish (but highlight a tiny bit to look natural). You can also take a brown eyeliner pencil to the bottom of the nostrils and shade a little tiny bit on the outside to make them look more flared if it suits your face.
Most will want to shade a little on the underside of the nose, and a little bit up (don't draw the highlight all the way to the end). Just a bit.
D. Mouth. Pick a natural colour - a blue-pink or a peach are usually good choices. Though red is classic - go for a darker red like MAC's VIVA Glam I, rather than a bright hooker red (hard to pull off and will draw attention usually in a bad way if you're trying to pass).
Get a lip-liner that matches or is slightly lighter (darker is also too "drag queen" to pass). Outline the lips in a feminine shape - don't go more than 1.5 mm outside the mouth unless the skin is very flat and your lips are TINY. It will look more natural if you keep close - emphasise the cupid's bow if you can and the reverse on the bottom lip.
Adding lip gloss (pat down after this or it WILL get on your teeth) will really plump up your lips and make them more feminine. If you get clear you can use a little on any colour lips for a nice shine.
E. Chin. Try to de-emphasise a cleft-chin. Shadow a bit at the bottom very softly to try to shorten a big chin - and at the sides of the jawline. Do not highlight unless you need to for balance.
F. Cheekbones and Jawline. If you have prominent cheekbones, either powder over these / highlight for a rounder look or work with them. Highlight on the top of the cheek bone to close to the nose (this will help make the nose look smaller), if cheek-bones are high and tellingly masculine, you might be able to work with them by extending the highlight downward - cheekbones are attractive on women, but too strong might look odd.
Blush is usually best applied to the "apples" of the cheeks in a vague triangular shape imitating a natural blush. The severe blush on the sides of the cheekbones will tend to look garish (as it does on many women).
Shade the back of the jawline especially.
G. Neck. Shade Adam's Apple (very lightly where the light hits or you'll call more attention to it). Highlight in the space between this and the cords on the neck.
A garment with a collar is best if it's especially prominent.
4. Extras. Fake nails. Not too long or they'll look garish. If they're your own - same thing. Pick a subtle colour like the typical "French Manicure" or a light pink. Push cuticles back (for some reason, men tend to not do this).
5. Body Shape. Stuffing an "old lady" full-coverage bra is best. Some Wonderbras provide a good base (I have a strapless one that holds shape well on its own). If you stuff the bra, use shreds of fabric. I have heard that rice works, too (in bags, silly). Unless you plan on being fondled, it doesn't really matter if they feel realistic - and unless they're giant and you're running a marathon, they don't need to bounce realistically - most women want a bra that makes them NOT bounce.
Don't pick a ridiculously large size. For a 34" chest, a B-cup or even A-cup is natural-looking. For 40" or larger, a C might work - and so on.
Google bra-fitting to find out what "band size" you wear - but the best results are from trying on a lot.
Bigger breasts don't make you look like more of a woman - they are harder to "pass" the bigger they are, and plenty of women aren't crazily endowed.
Waist - you may want to get a sturdy waist-shaper - they sell these many places, they look like corsets. Don't get one that's too short. A corset may be a good long-term investment, but beware of buying one cheaply made.
You may want to pad your hips if you're wearing something that shows them clearly. They sell produces for this, try lingerie shops / the Internet.
You can also "pad" the hips with a pleated skirt if your waist is sufficiently smaller (it doesn't have to be a lot - just a bit).
There are web-sites devoted to instructing one how to "tuck" the genitals so they can't be noticed. It's only necessary if you're wearing something that will show, which depends on your body - a body-shaper that extends to mid-thigh might be fine with a full skirt over it. The healthiness of tucking has been questioned - but you can research all of this via Google. Having seen some Drag Queens in tights - it can indeed be very effective.
6. Clothes. It's really up to you. If you want to pass easier, you may shoot for more neutral colours and more classic and flattering styles (jackets that extend past the hips, full skirts).
Rip out shoulder pads if you get something with them unless the garment is VERY tailored (in which case, you may want to just steer away from it).
V-line necks can work if your bra shapes the right way and the Adam's apple isn't prominent (plenty of women can wear V-necks with no sign of cleavage - breasts naturally fall AWAY from each other - pushing together is artificial.
Pointy-toed shoes will make your feet look bigger. Pick a peep-toe or closed but rounded toe shoe. High-heels will usually make feet look smaller. Only worry about height if you're iffy on passing otherwise or if you're really tall - then again, I think Uma Thurman is a GIANT, and plenty of tall women aren't afraid of towering over men in heels (though many are self-conscious and slouch, but this is unhealthy).
The average female fashion model is as tall as average man.