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~Golldfire 2011
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I'm 1 month, 1 week and 3 days clean of self harm :D I'm really proud of myself tooo! :heart: Stay strong!~ :hug:

*Edit -I am now 5 months clean :) Yay
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.....e3o
Basically my whole attitude in Spanish....
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see the number? that means there are 30 other pics of christofer drew. go find em.
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I like the way it feels..
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This is me. Well, half of me. :aww:

It's such a cold cold world
And I can't get out
So I'll just make the best of everything I'll never have
It's such a cold cold world
And it's got me down
But I'll get right back up as long as it spins around
Hello cold world

Hello Cold World - Paramore


Taken by ~Feathermule
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I don't like yelling. I don't like crying as much as I have the last few days, and I don't like thinking that we have to blame one or the other.
We're not even a something, we're drifting away even though we've been distant for ages it feels, I'm sick and you're angry.
I'm depressed and you don't understand why you can't fix me, I'm not broken, dear, just a little cracked.
And I don't know how to help you to help me.
I don't think I want help.
I worried about breathing the wrong kind of breath around you then I stopped and you took it as me not caring anymore.
I try
I try so hard.
You don't think I do.
But I'm trying to fix me and you and us and what we don't have anymore.
I would take it all back if it hadn't been so tattooed in the foundation that started to crumble about 9 months in.
And every 5th I won't know what to say to you now. I don't know.
You showed music that I now love but refuse to listen to because it all hurts too badly.
You're inconsiderate and I'm as stubborn as they come.
Why are we so different now?
I loved the you that you used to be.
I love you now.
And I don't know if you love me, but that's okay.
I'm so different now, I've gone through many trials and tribulations that have humbled and dulled me.
I'm smaller and I'm shyer and more boring.
I'm sicker and sadder.
And you don't like it. And you want to fix me, and I don't think you can.
I take you as you are through fights and everything.
You seem to take me as me through every calorie I've counted, through every scar, through every last tear.
But I feel like maybe it's fading away.
And I'm not enough.
Maybe I'm not.

I'm so sorry.
i'm so sorry
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I need help..
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I know you're not proud of me,
The choices I've made,
So why can't you leave me be?
When I'm kissing my girlfriend,
You're disgusted.
Why can't I just get a boyfriend?
When you send me to my room,
Are you proud?
When my tears drown me,
And I have nothing left to do
But turn to my knife?
Are you proud knowing you're the reason
I find my scars to be so beautiful,
Even though you tell me they're horrid.
Take a look around,
Step out of your generation.
No one else cares anymore,
Except you.
You,
Who's so disgusted by the fact
That, for once, I'm happy.
So,
Are you proud yet?
I always knew my parents were homophobes. I just got the proof I needed.
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Waking up last night,
I saw it in your eyes.
You're afraid that you will die alone.
...I have thought so many times
what my life would be like without you
right there by my side,
wondering what my life would be like
without you. <3
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