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~Golldfire 2011
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I'm 1 month, 1 week and 3 days clean of self harm :D I'm really proud of myself tooo! :heart: Stay strong!~ :hug:

*Edit -I am now 5 months clean :) Yay
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I had a hard time thinking of a title for this.

After being overweight, unfit and completely hopeless, the baby fat started to drift away like an other teen going from chubby kid to slim young adult. I've battled an eating disorder and bounced back, not back to fat, but to fit and confident.

The work outs are paying off and even my round face started to thin out. All of this without T. I'm almost seventeen, almost an adult. I never thought it could get better naturally. Of course, T is next.

Don't give up if you're like me and felt that you'd never get anywhere until T. Your body will give you back what you put in. T will do the major changes but you can get some benefits yourself. Puberty sucks, yeah. Especially when you're the wrong sex. But you can counter it!

Never think it's too late for you. Never think nothing can help until you're 18 or doing your RLT.


Here's to all the broken hearts tonight
Here's to all the fall aparts tonight
Here's to every girl and boy who lost their joy
They let it get away

You know its never too late
to get up and start all over again
You know its never too late
There's gotta be a better way
Don't settle for the cold and rain
It's not too late to start again
Find a way to smile and never let it get away.

:)


(c) Hedley : Never Too Late
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No matter how many times you hurt me, I dont think I will ever stop loving you.

This is to a family member.... This person has hurt me a lot but I still really care about them, even though they were never there for me.
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I like the way it feels..
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This is me. Well, half of me. :aww:

It's such a cold cold world
And I can't get out
So I'll just make the best of everything I'll never have
It's such a cold cold world
And it's got me down
But I'll get right back up as long as it spins around
Hello cold world

Hello Cold World - Paramore


Taken by ~Feathermule
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Rocking back and forth
Trying to contain my self control
That I barely have
Anymore

"She's addicted" they say
I'm a freak of nature
How do I deal with an addiction
How do I control myself
Its the only choice I have

"I'm fine" I say
I CAN contain myself
Just rocking all alone
Refuse to speak to anyone
Except the one I love the most

Muttering to myself in the dark
Almost losing it
Going insane
"Do it" they whisper
My teeth start chattering
"I can't" I manage to say

I start weeping
What is happening to me?
"You can't live without it" they whisper
Will I make it through the night
Only to go through it all again
Tomorrow...
Just how I feel lately. Not even sure if I can keep control... I'm trying. What is happening to me?
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Mother, I don't get it,
Why are you so sad?
Daddy, what's wrong?
You look a little mad.
Is it something I did?
Is it someone I know?
I don't know who to ask.
I don't know where to go.
~
A boy at school was in a dress,
but he said he it wasn't fun,
when we traded, some man came,
he said we had to run.
The man ran fast,
We were to slow,
he caught us both and then...
~
Mom, Dad, it's white here,
not red like that man said.
I see angels dressed in white,
not demons cloaked in red.
And they handed me a dress,
and said I could wear whatever.
The boy, in pants, took my hand,
and said "Let's fly together."
~
Mommy, I love this place,
but I don't know where you are,
I hear your voice sometmes,
but the real you's just too far.
Daddy, why'd you bring me flowers,
and set them on the dirt?
Why does that stone have my name?
Why do you look hurt?
Who's the man you're cursing?
Was he that evil man?
Daddy, please forgive him,
or do the best you can.
It's not his fault that I'm a freak,
that he thought I should die.
He thought he was doing the world a favor,
even though I don't get why.
So Mommy, Daddy, I love you,
and I miss your touch,
but your little girl, and her best friend,
were themselves a bit too much.
Today, 11-20-11, is Transgender Day Of Rememberance.
I wrote this as a MTF trans because I felt that this happens far to much.
If you don't get it, a MTF trans child met a FTM trans child, and sense the boy was in a dress and didn't like it and the girl was in pants and didn't like it, they swapped.
They were both killed, and now fly amongst angels in happiness, but don't quite understand why being themselves was so bad, and the parents on Earth are suffering because, pardon my French, some fucking asshole couldn't fathom that MAYBE some GIRLS have a DICK.
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I don't like yelling. I don't like crying as much as I have the last few days, and I don't like thinking that we have to blame one or the other.
We're not even a something, we're drifting away even though we've been distant for ages it feels, I'm sick and you're angry.
I'm depressed and you don't understand why you can't fix me, I'm not broken, dear, just a little cracked.
And I don't know how to help you to help me.
I don't think I want help.
I worried about breathing the wrong kind of breath around you then I stopped and you took it as me not caring anymore.
I try
I try so hard.
You don't think I do.
But I'm trying to fix me and you and us and what we don't have anymore.
I would take it all back if it hadn't been so tattooed in the foundation that started to crumble about 9 months in.
And every 5th I won't know what to say to you now. I don't know.
You showed music that I now love but refuse to listen to because it all hurts too badly.
You're inconsiderate and I'm as stubborn as they come.
Why are we so different now?
I loved the you that you used to be.
I love you now.
And I don't know if you love me, but that's okay.
I'm so different now, I've gone through many trials and tribulations that have humbled and dulled me.
I'm smaller and I'm shyer and more boring.
I'm sicker and sadder.
And you don't like it. And you want to fix me, and I don't think you can.
I take you as you are through fights and everything.
You seem to take me as me through every calorie I've counted, through every scar, through every last tear.
But I feel like maybe it's fading away.
And I'm not enough.
Maybe I'm not.

I'm so sorry.
i'm so sorry
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I need help..
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