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There are ghosts in my bloodstream
kissing concrete cells &
the bedroom eyes of nerve endings.

( foreign words
engraved into my marrow, birds in my chest
& wars not yet fought between my hips. )

I've taken myself apart every night
since I learned how to swallow a pen
without gagging;
limb by steady limb.

Passed around by grabby hands,
a sold, & borrowed daughter;

I am a lion among sheep,
drunk on life & ink.
Clearly I didn't get these words from my mother.
I'm adopted.

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Taylor Swift

Please do not steal or claim as your own! If you use for ANY reason, please credit.
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enjoying christmas by playing with slaves (^__^)b
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                            So love is a funny thing.

It sweeps you off your feet. It sweeps out your insides. It sweeps away everything else, whether you like it or not.
Falling in love is like falling into a cloud.
At first, it's not scary, no. It's beautiful. You're up high- so blissfully high- with billowing pushes and pulls of gorgeous white around you. At first, it's the most amazing thing you could ever think of. You could ever feel. The kind of feeling that can't be induced by the most potent drug. The kind of feeling that lifts you above all else, annihilates any ailments you'll ever have.
You collide with a beautiful array of a winter wonderland, a world of soft, divine dreams, an end to your hardships. Suddenly anything is possible. Suddenly, everything is possible.
And then you keep falling.
You don't realize it. Your vision, your heart, your life- it's laden with the fabric of glee and carelessness and no problems at all. And then it starts to thin. Things are still bright. They're still amazing. The sun still shines.
But things get worse.
Maybe a wistful glance from him, maybe a little less comfort of the downy mattress of sky pressing against you. Maybe a sour word or two, maybe a complete hole plummeting you deeper into that white snowy world.
And then it's all blue.
And you realize you're going down.
And oh, is it beautiful. Oh, is it sad.
But you're falling.
Not in love.
Not out of love.
Away from love.
So you curse the cloud, you curse the world, and you curse him. You curse him with everything you have. Your flailing body expels regrets like venom. You say things that shouldn't be said- that shouldn't be heard.
You don't know what you want, you'll never know what you want.
Because then he's gone.
And you realize it's all your fault.

You wanted this.

So why does looking at his body, dead, limbs splayed out on either side, torn off, make you sick? Why do the writhing white creatures that overtake his carcass make you angry? Why do his glassy, beautiful eyes that no longer see make you want to cry?

You told him to leave.

You wanted this.

I wanted this.

I told him to die.

And yet, standing there, looking at him, in a pool of blood, I could not feel one pang of satisfaction. Even as the draped crimson ribbons glistening in the white moon blinded me. I couldn't feel anything. I had got my wish.
I wanted it-
And now he's gone.
With a crack of ivory bones, I've fallen back to the dirt.
Anyone that knows me probably has read this. I use it for every RP application. It is my favorite, after all... not too good. But I enjoy it.
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you can fill my heart will all your might.
try to weed out the sorrow lining it's depths.
whisper to me that i will not fall,
tell me that i won't lose it all.

you can kiss me on the lips, after you've licked away the tears.
and sit and wait for me to come home
as i run off to fight the shadows in my head
with your heart as my shield and your love as my sword.

but the demons sucking like leeches, plastered to my skin
creatures made up of evil and sin
their warm steamy breath rotting my flesh
they will always win

you can listen for the explosion,
and surely you'll see
the demons, and all that she's done to me
the woman, who smells so sweet-
who's so pretty and smiles and shakes your hand-
if you listen for the explosion
surely you can see
what she was doing to me behind her curtains,
her security.

you'll watch the blood snake down the walls
taste the acid of death in the air-
when you reveal my body you expose your deepest fears.

but the demons, laughing, they won't care
you'll only be able to stand there
so just forget the screams you hear
forget when you saw me, pale in fright
staring at the mirror and the demons in there
._.
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What is it?
But how could I explain.
How does one tell others
what it's like to go insane?
I sit in my thoughts, and drown in my head
the gray world I dwell says I'm already dead

It starts at your finger,
but maybe your tongue.
a big black splotch- where had my skin gone?
I waved it in front of my father-
told him to help me, I said
"Won't you get it off, why won't it come off
I've washed it and popped pills and done all I can
but this blotch just won't come off."
so he took me to the hospital,
but not because of the spots
he took me because I'm crazy,
because he said
"there's nothing there at all."

So I look in the mirror and see them
crawling up my skin.
I can just feel them in the back of my head
telling me to sin.
And they spread so fast and only I see
what they're doing to me.
To everyone else I'm just like them
just a human being.

The more I try to get them off the more they just come back.
They all weigh a hundred pounds,
I can't carry them all around.

Heavier and heavier, but no one else can see!
this ink, that is taking over me.
I'm losing control of myself of my mind
It's taken captive my brain.
It tells me what to think and who I am-
It tells me that I'm in pain.

But no one can see the open sores
Of all these stupid open doors
in my mind that won't be closed
that drown me   every   
          day.
No doctor understands my body
is not sick, it's tired of hauling
the weight of my invisible blanket
of darkness   every   
          day.

So what is it- you ask,
But how could I explain!
How could you understand this hidden broken pain?
the doctors don't
my friends just won't
no one will ever know.
So here I am, making amends
for maybe what I did.
holding my sin, carrying it through
the hot streets everywhere.

We've learned to live together,
this outbreak and me.
Sometimes it's here-
sometimes it's not.
But no one will ever see.

Trying to explain my depression to my dad. Mm.
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Cosplayer : JASPER Z & Puffin
Character : Miqo'te & Lalafell

Photo by Shiroi
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Why am I wearing glasses? I have pink eye.
Wait, it's not pink, it's lightish red. ohohoh


My old shirts used to chafe my arms something awful, but this new pink shirt is surprisingly roomy! ._.

This is from Rooster Teeth's popular web series Red vs Blue. If you haven't watched it, you should check it out. <3
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A collboration between me and the talented musician Foxamoore.

It's a story about 2 orphans who look out for one another, reminding each other the good times they had with their parents even though it was short-lived.

Link to music here: www.furaffinity.net/view/10051094/
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Here's my entry for the Gears 3 Contest.

I initially wanted to do a more grotesque and brutal theme for this same subject matter, but then I read the rules. :/

So i tried to stick with my initial idea but make it more of an homage than a bloodbath.

This image was painted in about 3 days, almost 4. Differentiating from my normal workflow, I used absolutely no line work on this. I just started blocking in the forms and rendered them. It was a fun process that i want to do more often.

Download for full-res!

I will upload some higher-res crops of this image after the contest, so check my gallery.

Good luck to all in the contest, I've seen some pretty awesome stuff so far.

Anthony, Ben, and Clayton Carmine.

Brothers to the End
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