why i am the way i amhow it started is this:why i am the way i am5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
i'd rather talk to you than eat.
i'd go hours past lunchtime,
decide in the hot summer sun
that it's too late,
and that's how i lost five pounds.
how it worsened is this:
i was a fat pig.
for as long as i can remember.
and here i was,
just watch the numbers in
and watch the numbers drop.
maybe i don't have to hate how i look.
let's keep trying.
how i stopped breathing is this:
i feel so much and i never want to feel again.
i don't want to love like this.
not now, not ever.
i can't make it stop.
i can't listen to music
because it makes me feel too much.
i can't move left
i can't move right
without feeling like i'm breaking.
i can't look at maps in history class
or i crack. the water is so big.
maybe i can stop eating
and not have the ability to feel.
maybe if i'm thin enough,
it won't bother me.
because i'll be happy, right?
happy and numb.
i'll be beautiful and what else matters if i'm beautiful?
if i'm thin, why do i have to worry about feeling t
virgin culturethere's a little more to love than lustvirgin culture3 years ago in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
and a little more to a person than a label.
you can try to sum me up in five words or less and you'll find those words,
but you won't be able to reduce me to them.
you can't turn me into something that can be thrust,
down the grapevine
when there's something more to me than the colour of my eyes or the size of my chest.
and that's something we could all do with remembering.
but this is the culture we were born into.
where the length of your hair is more important than the sincerity of your words,
and nothing matters as much as the kardashians' latest scandal or talking some hot chick into bed.
i'm nineteen. i understand. but i'm frequently finding myself writhing in my own reassurance that i exist.
my name is melissa, i am a liberal, college-going female who doesn't remember what her own house looks like but remembers her childhood telephone number
and i'm not sure if that's ok. is it normal, am i the only one in this goddamn world wh
mother.i'm not exactly a person-mother.3 years ago in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
more like a body
filled up with
things i never should've known
and things i never could've said.
and i wonder what you'd do
if i could.
so i tell strangers, i tell you,
because i'll never have to
look you in the face
or see your eyes hide
behind walls that never had to be built-
there are bodies buried in those, you know.
i never wanted any of that.
the way i never wanted to be the girl
who ran away from womanhood as it approached,
because adolescence was so much sweeter
at four feet tall.
i sprouted breasts in panic.
my limbs stretched and the pains at night
weren't just from growing pains- they were from
not being able to shrink back down.
i never signed up to reach twenty years old.
i never wanted boys with sweaty hands
to touch me, i never wanted to see
that red flower in my bottoms until they did.
i wonder what you'd think of me
if i told you how i'm never fooled
by your husband, even if you are.
six trips to the bottle last night,
did you know?
if my heart could talklight plays off the curvesif my heart could talk5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
of your skin,
the salience of your lips,
releasing prayer like birds;
the silence of your jaw,
a midnight orchestra
under heavy streetlights;
and the bone of your chin,
constellations like the
way the world turns.
it must be
the year of the rose,
and pink like clouds
pressing your fragile skin
between pages of
a beloved anthology
Oi'm feeling really sad.O5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
it's starting in my toes and
burning up my shins,
ashen sins seeping into the
cold bones of my hips
and filtering into every stream
of blood in my body.
i want a distraction -
from this sadness,
from the heavy feeling
in my stomach,
from the twitches in my
fingers as they grasp empty air
in hopes of a silver cut.
i think i will ask her to lend me a shirt
for saturday night,
something pretty and daring
and unlike me in every way.
i don't want to be myself anymore
and i don't want to be myself
when i reflect on the number of hands
clutching at esoteric bodies.
i am a secret
that is not worth hiding,
so i am prepared to share it.
i don't want to be myself anymore
so i will do everything i wouldn't.
i want warm bodies to take away
from my own cold,
to distract me from the beating
of my sore heart, always on the forefront
of my aching mind.
i want rhythms to swallow me whole
and pendulums swaying in the dark.
i want to be someone else,
and being someone else's is the
purging poemtell mepurging poem5 years ago in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
do you remember how it is to be so lucky that you can live in a house
where sadness isn't dripping from the walls, water leaks like tears and silent as loud as bubble wrap,
where money isn't so tight that it's a rubber band bound to snap over your wrist hard enough to leave a welt,
where happiness isn't as fleeting as the hands of a man,
where openness is more than a doorway and you can breathe without feeling like you're doing something wrong because everything you do is being watched and every time you blink it might mean you're going to cut yourself into confetti or if you sneeze you're about to shove your head in the toilet bowl and pray to god that maybe you'll be small enough to finally disappear
do you remember how it is to be in love without feeling like any sudden movement might cause death,
so you don't eat and so you don't feel,
so you don't remember and you don't move,
so you can't smile and you can't stand
without feeling so dizzy you don't just see stars,
It Will Be With Me Forever...It goes without saying that many readers here have already bought, played, and beaten their copies of Pokemon Black and/or White. And it goes without saying that no Pokemon game is complete without its generation's Pokemon Tower, home to one of the game's only location of the popular Ghost-Fire Pokemon, Litwick. As it's been come to be expected, Celestial Tower is home to numerous, maze-like graves and trainers who mourn their lost Pokemon or pay respect to them.It Will Be With Me Forever...4 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
But there is one Trainer who seems to stand out from the others. Perhaps you have met her, though casually glanced over her without a second thought.
She is a Pokefan with a single Pokemon, a level 31 Swadloon. Depending on the player's level or chosen type at the beginning of the battle, it is generally an easy fight and easy experience. But what makes this particular Pokefan stand out from the others is what she says after her battle was over. In the beginning she states her usual "oh look I has strong pokeyman we gunna beat
the most terrifying thing in the worldnever knowing.the most terrifying thing in the world3 years ago in Flash Fiction & Vignettes More Like This
you're my muselike a man out at seayou're my muse3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
i can appreciate the ocean
but i've found it much closer to home
inside your shimmering crystal eyes
like a painter with a canvas
i used my fingers as a brush
all around your pale body
to paint a picture of our love
like the farmer planting his crop
we've sown our seeds of love on each other
and watered them with tears and kisses
with the hope we'll grow stronger together
gone gone goneyou called him a dirty name, smiled as he skipped town, watched as he disappeared like a ghost, howled at "the mess he's made" and screamed malpractice, whimpered as the quandary was wongone gone gone3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
it was thundering again - and i had no intention of helping you over the deafening noise, tears mixed with the rain and your inability to leave me be
i had no intention of telling you i was sorry
you stood, the love in your body gone, the word "stupid" smoothed over your figure, a regularly repeated lie
i stand, letting my inquiry spill over the land, a thousand birds calling, the grass and trees of the earth standing on edge as my voice, shrill and whining, comes to rest on deaf ears
animalized is your opinion of me, and it will take a millions years for me to decide if i care (for the life of me) or not
vertigothe light's dizzyvertigo5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
or maybe that's just me
because i haven't been able
to see in straight lines these days,
i see stars spinning
around the night sky
like i can see the world
i am so still
i can hardly breathe.
when bleeding doesn't work.
until its lips fall over the
edge of your skin,
because you are infection,
you are atrophy and misery
all under one band-aid.
it's scary to see things moving
when you're too afraid
to do the same.
it's scary to be stagnant,
a warm swamp in july,
thick with mud and lack of envy,
coagulation around the ankles.
but it's scarier to move
when your eyes dance out of focus,
when fire is blurs of acrylic paint,
dioxazine purple, alizarin crimson,
it's scarier to move
when you can't
see what's in front of you,
and you know
it could be
mdmabirds flying south for wintermdma5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
a new waves in the clouds
white washed like picket fences
and sadness like the rain
that is the shape of your face,
the sparrow of your lips.
i imagine sitting on a couch,
soft, plush, red like velvet,
listening for the water to boil
a watched pot never boils, you'd say,
but no one ever said anything about
a listened pot.
so we would sit in our silence
smelling hot water
mingling with green tea leaves and pomegranate seed.
we cup mugs of tea like glass and fire,
amber and red. salinger crosses your tongue
and soars through the air,
and we are two beatniks reposed on a cozy couch,
for irony's sake, of course.
the promise that no technicolored drink will
cross your teeth, that no numbing, hysterical
smoke will caress your lungs,
that beautiful strides to save your bird-prayer heart
will be born in a nest
warms me up
more than any tea
people i could bei named you mila. i wish i hadn't,people i could be5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
they always say you get attached
to it when you give it a name.
once you became mila,
you became mine.
we've stuck together through
thick and thin, but you were always
the first to cut me down and
cut me up if it were anything but thin.
'lose thirty more pounds,' you say.
and i tell you i only want another fifteen.
'you're fat and unhappy right now,
you don't know what you want, now do you.'
and of course you were right.
'stop being overweight,' you say.
and i tell you i'm technically underweight.
'have you seen the amount of fat on
that lump of lard you call a body,' you say.
and of course you were right.
i don't know who i'm
apologising to anymore
i don't know if i'm
sorry for what i've done
or sorry for being
the monster i feel beneath
my papered skin
but i do know that
this is me,
girl on your back
and you know she is too much
and also not enough
you don't love me and i see it in your eyes
i am the rain in the gutter
4th january 2011everything4th january 20115 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
i am on fire.
my belly hurts
from not asking you
ten thousand questions --
the places you went,
the friends you knew,
the girls you met,
the love you made --
i want to know
who you've been
since we last
Pokemon: Black Diamond Part 7The inside of the boat was disgusting... So much grime and damage. I had never seen the inside of this boat before; I'd just get on and boom, I'd be at my destination. There was only one room; no walls, no rooms, nothing but a single, dark room with mossy walls and impassable holes in the floor. This time, there was music playing; but it was NOT from the other three games. At first, I had NO idea what music it was, but soon I realized the music had been reversed, and it was from the 3rd generation games; you know, Ruby, Sapphire, Emerald it had been my favorite generation. It was the "flood" music reversed; the one that played when Kyogre brought a giant rainfall in Hoenn what was it doing in a 4th generation game? The original music had given me the chills, but the reversed version I'm not sure how to explain it, but it had a certain "ring" to it that made it scarier than the other one. I walked around a little, and then the screen flashed, and glitchy "Wild PokPokemon: Black Diamond Part 75 years ago in Fan Fiction More Like This
GriseousCome into my parlor....Griseous4 years ago in Fan Fiction More Like This
Come into my parlor...
I'm a good Pokemon. I'm a good Pokemon.
...I hate you. I HATE YOU.
You put me here. There is nothing here.
No Pokemon. No life. Empty.
WhY dO yOu PeRsEcUtE mE?
Dialga. Palkia. They don't know, do they?
I hate you.
I know everything that happens. These sensations of nothing flood my brain. I cannot think.
I wish there was life here.
Something bad is happening.
I saved my siblings. I did. But you don't care. I brought a terrible man into my parlor. Two pretty girl Trainers are here too. Oh, I want to play with them. I want to play with the humans like I played with those other humans.
I remember she talked to me. 'I won't hurt you'. I think that is what she said. I haven't heard humans speak in so long....
It was a long, long time ago...when I killed them all. You were horrified, aghast. If you know everything, why did you let me do it? You must enjoy hating me. I killed them all. I thought it was fun. I knew it
everything your silence saysi have not showered since thursday.everything your silence says5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
my hair is sticky and sprayed,
dry and dull, limp and wilting --
sad like me.
i have not seen my own hips
for three days,
i have hardly changed my clothes.
i do not want to do this.
my name is something lying forgotten
underneath the boxspring of your bed.
i am not a memory for you,
i am not a gift;
instead, i float in the crevasses
of your mind, never near enough
to the surface to be remembered.
every promise of life and love
you have given me,
every swear to never leave
i have given you --
it flounders in the ebbing seas.
i am not clean
and i am not beautiful.
my name is something lying forgotten
underneath the boxspring of your bed.
this is a poem, detailing the
wounds of my heart.
this is a poem, written for you --
you, the forgetful boy,
purple sleep dusting eyelids;
with your hands across your face
black & blue,
spiritIf my soul would fly away tonightspirit3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I only pray that you would be the one
To catch me, grab my hand
And take me home with you
hypocritesyou judge the woman in the officehypocrites3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
who says she thinks the married man
is quite handsome but knows she
would never try anything
yet you snuck off in the night
to a random hotel, meeting some stranger
while your faithful husband
sleeps soundly, dreaming of you
with a smile on his face
you judge the quiet girl in the corner
wearing clothing from the goodwill
and cheap frames from wal-mart
belittling her everyday, not knowing
it's just her and her mom, trying to make ends meet
until the quiet girl can't take it anymore
she takes a leap and hits the hard concrete
you start to say 'oh what a shame! she was so lovely.'
no, the shame is on you.
YouthBaljeet had absolutely no spare time. He spent countless hours at school, only to return home and work on the projects and papers assigned to him during those long hours. Granted, it was tough. But Baljeet knew it would all pay out in the end. He could become a lawyer. Or a doctor! To think becoming a doctor. Curing patients and seeing another healthy life walk out the door with a smile. Yes, Baljeet was very certain as to what he'd do with his future.Youth4 years ago in Fan Fiction More Like This
But in order to get to that future, he had to focus on the present: His 5000 word essay due at the beginning of next week. He'd spend about an hour on it each night up until the night it was due. Baljeet smirked with confidence as he transferred notes from his notebook to a clean sheet of paper. He was the ideal student. He turned in every assignment on time, sometimes even early. He completed every extra credit project offered. His grades were top notch. He never received anything under an A+. Even in PE, which had taken all of his
bokonon, interrupteda mire of snakes,bokonon, interrupted4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
we are mud
made into man,
flesh of the earth
and our only decision,
our only non-epiphany,
when god loosens
our marionette strings
for a human moment,
is how to best
gunmetalhe loves this man, you don't understand. he loves how the man's keys jingle with every bouncing step, he loves hearing him whistle jaunty tunes and mutter little songs he made himself under his breath --gunmetal5 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
"you are my hostage,
my only hostage
you make me happy
when skies are grey;
you'll never know, boy,
how much i love you --
please don't take my hostage away."
call it stockholm syndrome if you will, but this boy loves this man. he is the warmest-heart in the human race, he is the sweetest lick of sugarcane. he would never hurt anybody, he would endanger himself in their place.
it has been since birth, if you ask the boy, that the man and he have been together forever. he would tell you that he feels so free with the man. he calls him 'man', and the man calls him 'boy'. it's like they evolved together. but if you ask the man, he and the boy have been together for ten years. they
long distance loveI wish body pillowslong distance love3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Acted like teleportation devices
And when you clutched yours
It would put me beside you
I wish blankets
Were like magic carpets
And we could use ours
To fly to one another
I wish computer screens
Would let us reach to others
And I could pull you through
And into my arms
I wish we could feel each other
When we clutch pillows and blankets
And pretend they're each other
So our dreams can somewhat come true