true lieshis eyes looked at me with disdain. i thought that once i had broken through his barriers his eyes would smile and his laughter would ring through every fibre of my body and that his cheeks would glow. instead all i felt was a greater coldness. except now it wasn't just a general feeling- it was directed very pointedly at me.
"you're not who i thought you were," he growled through clenched teeth. his words left me feeling that he wanted to say something angrier, something more malicious but he held back. even when his defences were down he was still calculated.
do you think that maybe you never knew me? that you built up an ideal image of someone unattainable yet appropriate for you? i pleaded with my eyes. but it was no use. he wouldn't even look at me. he knew, he finally knew, that he had built me up to that ideal because he felt it would be everything he deserved. now he saw, or rather didn't want to see, that he really didn't deserve it at all. ideal or not- he didn
winter always reminds me of you.It never snowed last December, but it was always there on the horizon. Like a bad dream on the periphery of my vision, a relentless reminder that I don't ever have control over things the way I think I do. The way I want to. Recently, I realized that I feel everything a bit too sharply. The cold. The pain. The nothingness.winter always reminds me of you.4 years ago in Flash Fiction & Vignettes More Like This
It's heart wrenching. It's stomach twisting.
The minute you were gone, the air in my lungs left too. It's amazing how long you can live without breathing. It's much longer than anyone tends to claim. Truthfully, it's not even the thing I miss anymore. I only miss you. I miss the feelings. I miss anything that isn't the slow crack and settle of this old building. Or the familiar beating of my heart. The sun rising and falling from the sky each and every day.
I don't remember what it's like to not wake up to a pattern, but I do remember that it was so much better than this.
I used to never know what to expect. Now I have no expectations at all. It didn't take me long t
i should have never loved you.in that one moment, i wanted to stand up and hit him: i wanted to make him hurt, make him bleed, make him feel what he did to me. make him feel his lies and deceit, push it into his skin like a knife and letting the scarlet lies pour out for everyone to see.i should have never loved you.4 years ago in Emotional More Like This
every little lie, every "mia bella" came back to haunt me. every word that idly dripped out of his mouth that caressed and cared for me turned black and shriveled like a dead flower.
because every time he kissed me, he lied.
i can't believe i just let him string me along like that. he just turned me into some sort of flesh-and-blood puppet, tossed me around and stepped on me like garbage put on the curb for tuesday night pickup. he put me in a plastic bag with old coffee grounds and used condoms from a night when i wasn't there.
i should have never loved him.
you're a series of unconnected thoughtssometimes i wonderyou're a series of unconnected thoughts4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
if it's really true--
if history really does just
and now we're stuck in its loop where
you're holding everything back
and i'm holding everything in.
and there's nothing to do,
but hope for the best
or at least something better.
but for now, i just wonder
if there's anyone else
who misses quite as much
as i do.
it's never enough to remember,
but it's always too much
i am an ocean nothing floats on.i am an ocean that nothing floats on.i am an ocean nothing floats on.4 years ago in Introductions & Chapters More Like This
her mother always told her that each part of her body was capable of becoming something hard and cold, something that a military man could arm himself with and leave a trail of destruction. There was an anchor in the pit of her stomach, resting on the bottom of a black and white ocean, carelessly tossed in by a reckless boy with matching eyes. it leads her to somewhere she has never been. It sinks her to ocean floor and leaves her waiting for the waves to stir her back to the surface.she learned about space, and the gaps that leave people feeling empty and lonely, and throughout the years of her youth, everything related back to the ocean residing inside her chest cavity which on the coldest and emptiest nights she could feel thrash and peak and cause her to choke and spit it up in violent convulsions. she learned that her stomach acids were responsible for the curve of her bones and the shapes of the shadows they made in sunlight. as her years tic
we're all made of stories.We're all either made of cells or stories, but in your case, it's both. You're somehow bigger than what one body can contain. And I know that all of this all these words and breaths and spaces aren't enough to explain you. You're better than any fiction will ever be.we're all made of stories.3 years ago in Flash Fiction & Vignettes More Like This
I remember sitting in the passenger seat of your car, watching the familiar city streets flick by, fast like a picture book. It felt like there was something I was missing between the pages and second story houses, but I couldn't place it. I had my arms wrapped tight around my middle, holding my insides in since I was afraid with every passing moment I would let their contents spill. You wouldn't look at me, but you kept talking. For the first time ever, I wished you would stop. You were telling me that you could never love me and I was completely aware that I had already foolishly followed you in too deep and now you were letting me know that you had been drowning for years. You were promising to take me und
glitter.you wrote me love letters from the passenger seat,glitter.7 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
pressing stars to my eyelids and hearts to my forehead.
you wrote me lies.
like the summer months, you never stick around long enough to make a lasting impression.
winter always takes over, cold
fingertips washing away all past evidence of the blistering friction once there.
(the only way I made it through was remembering that
youre only another calendar away; that youll come back.
I dont think Ill make it through this time.)
Id write you every word in the french-english dictionary if only one would spark a memory.
you seem unable to reminisce and incapable of nostalgia.
(really, I think theyre powers you passed onto me, increasing mine tenfold.)
youre like something acidic, burning in my throat.
but all the way down, youre smoldering the word
you held me close with trembling hands,
telling me how I was your living reincarnation of
on being sorrythere are days when the beauty in me is suffocated by the senseless rage in you. i sense this rage in you. i watched you unfold into something i could hold on to, something that grew and made sense. i watched you pick a dead butterfly up from the ground and then you gave it to me and i kept it for the longest time, over a year, and i still have part of it. i watched you climb a mountain and hold the sky in your mouth. you gave that to me too. i watched you water me until i grew right alongside you. we were an unbreakable pair. roots all tangled in with each other. i watched you cry because you loved me so much. i cried too. i watched you make mistakes, and i made some too. i forgave you, and you forgave me too. you were the most beautiful thing i ever saw. the tallest, brightest, widest soul i will ever hold. but you are dark somewhere in there.on being sorry4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
i watched you stumble onto yourself. your heart is very clumsy. you are unforeseeable, you are table toppling on children's feet. i can't brea
these feelings should be finiteI'm terrified and I know there's nothing unique about this, but I'm standing here completely out of touch with the rest of the world, realizing for the first time that we all feel things a little bit differently, which is why this doesn't hurt for you at all. I figure the only logical reason for how you could do this as if it means nothing was if it really did mean nothing at all for you. It's easier to hate you this way. It's easier to forget you without the burn of your kiss against my skin. It's easier to stay mad if I don't have to remember the way that it felt. Most of all, I can forget this as if it's a memory in someone else's lifetime if I accept the fact that we're all different. I can be different like you. I can let this mean nothing.these feelings should be finite4 years ago in Flash Fiction & Vignettes More Like This
I could mean nothing if you let me. If I let me.
You talk in big words that I get sick of hearing after awhile with big ideas and wide eyes and a small heart. I once heard that you can only love something so hard, for so long, before the feelin
on hindsightif you would have told meon hindsight4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
i will love you conditionally,
when i am feeling good, but not too good
because when i feel my very best i will
not need you, when i am feeling bad,
but not too bad because at my very worst
i will hate you.
i will stand with you provisionally,
so long as i do not have to stand very long
and i can take breaks from you as i please-
i will look into you tentatively
and reach the decision that i am better than you,
that you are one big fucking joke, that i have
a higher calling to marijuana and making
temporary homes inside of nice, but stupid
if you had told me that now when we talk
it's only because you want to know who i'm fucking
and where i'm at and what i'm doing not because
you care about me, but because somewhere in the
back of your mind you claimed me and even though
you are not stepping up to fill your position as
high conqueror of my cunt, you expect me not
to look for satisfaction elsewhere.
if you had told me that i would waste the past few m
schemes and daydreamsdear boy-i-kissed-but-wish-i-hadn't,schemes and daydreams4 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
oh, I knew you were a mistake right away. I knew it wouldn't end well, but I did it anyway. was it because like lara said I was lonely and you were there? or like you said, because it was inevitable? or even my excuse because I was running on 3 nights of 3 hours of sleep straight? well. even I know that's a horrible excuse. I hardly ever sleep. so I don't know why. I just know I wish now that I hadn't.
oh, my dear boy. I liked you right away. I just figured I'd spend the week hopelessly dreaming after you. it never occurred to me that you'd like me back. I knew it'd end, that you'd go back to your edge of the world and I'd go back to mine and we'd never see each other again, but I fell anyway. I don't know why I never kissed you. was it because like our director said we were in charge, and responsible, and that was innappropriate? or because I was bor
this isn't progress, because you're irreversible.You were never meant for me.this isn't progress, because you're irreversible.4 years ago in Flash Fiction & Vignettes More Like This
I knew it in the most obvious manner. It was in the way you had a subtle sort of comfort in your own skin a quiet and humble confidence while I struggled to make sense of the prints on my fingertips and the way one of my eyes crinkled in the corner more than the other when I smiled. You felt safe with yourself while I was always warring with my own reflection. Half the time, I didn't know who I was. A quarter of the time, I still don't. You would call this progress if you were here to see, but I just call it sad.
When you miss something for long enough, you start to forget the exact way that things happened. Or the exact way they happened to fall apart. For instance, I don't remember the first time you didn't call, but I do remember when you told me you loved me but not enough. It's never enough, is it? The point is you were gone before I could even say goodbye. You were gone before you were ever really here, but somehow I let myself bu
everything on my tonguethere are ghosts on my lips-everything on my tongue4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
sweet smelling, they are
like sugar. a vulgar, sweet
not really kisses, i know,
but bitter as kisses, i think,
coffee and eyes on eyes
trailing like cities,
caffeine on the folding sheets
rapping to our corneas,
dilating. craving to skin.
but sweet they are
like drifting fingers
on sailing nails.
but this lying- it brings
bitter salts under my tongue
and the inner folds of my lips
when i speak.
it puts the saltiest of oceans
i know, i say. i know.
her, she says, no. no.
they are only ghosts.
hungoverwaking up is hard whenhungover4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
i have you sitting on my
emalineshe was a quite sort of girl, he had observed. the kind of girl you wanted to say you knew because it meant you held a piece of the puzzle others could only wonder about. in knowing what was hidden to others, you became special. she was the sort of girl who ripped her favourite pages from books and tucked them carefully into her palm, then snugly into the worn pockets of her grandfathers cardigans, which she said were the only ones that fell just right on her small frame. she collected words in her perfect pout keeping secrets and promises and words that just roll of the tongue, but never rolled off hers just right- so she kept them hidden inside where she was perfect. her eyes spoke a million words a minute that he often found himself tripping over them if he looked too deeply; but just like looking into a flame he was completely consumed, he knew it- she didn't.emaline4 years ago in Flash Fiction & Vignettes More Like This
she was an oblivious sort of girl, he had observed. but she was his sort-of girl.
if you're an ocean, then i'm drowning.You are a calculated mistake if you're an ocean, then i'm drowning.4 years ago in Flash Fiction & Vignettes More Like This
something that I've known is wrong from the very start. And I wake up next to you every morning lately, praying that your split lips don't sink me even though I know it's too late.
You're already taking me under, because, baby
you're heavy like hurricane. Like a thousand drops of rain pounding down on my shoulder blades. You're seeping into my skin and into my bloodstream. It's only a matter of time until you spread to my heart.
It's too late. I'm already drowning in you.
It's too late, but god, I cannot love you.
You're like the last boy I kissed
which means I should already be working on forgetting the exact way your fingertips press into my hipbones or how my name sounds curled up in your mouth and the way you like to speak it so careful like a secret like if you said it too loud, I could get away from you. Like you want to keep me. But mostly I should forget you.
And sometimes, I try, but right now, I'm calculating the
clouded up.One day they all just stopped.clouded up.4 years ago in Introductions & Chapters More Like This
The clouds in her chest dispersed and she couldn't let her fingers spin delicate stories like she once would when her heart felt too heavy. She could still imagine all the scenes that would leave her throat tight, the highways that sliced through forests and oceans that weren't as beautiful as everyone kept telling her. There was a kind of distance that she couldn't ever comprehend. Lovers complain about having mountains between them, and of waking to dial-tones and message banks. No-one ever tells of the loved one who is around the corner, barricaded by nothing but their own darkness and heaviness. There are some things that no-one ever talks about. Her mother taught her there are some kinds of sadness that you can't get out in a way that's comprehensible. She taught Screaming into pillows, writing mantras on your arms, and drinking your body weight in warm tea can lessen the ache though. At least until the words flow aga
welcome to the darknesslike spectres on a blank white wallwelcome to the darkness4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
thoughts of you distract me, constantly
from living and loving and loneliness
in some sick and twisted and mortal and human way
these thoughts are both the most comforting
and most heart breaking moments i hold on to
what a fool i am seeing the darkness as light
what a fool for falling prey to such a petty illusion,
a slight of hand
"holding on is the only way i can let go", i tell myself
"holding on pushes you away more and more", i tell myself
"holding on is such a waste of fucking life."
bird songi told myself i'd never compare the two of youbird song4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
but his eyes are so much brighter
if we still talked i'd tell you, i'm happy now,
in the saddest of ways but i am happy now,
i would say, momentarily, warily,
but somehow i would.
just don't you tell me, you're happy too.
born to dieit has been a yearborn to die4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
since you have made me cry
always being second
eats at your bones
and low standards
lead me nowhere
pulsing insecuritiesi am afraid;pulsing insecurities4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
of the intimacy of holding hands
and of how my heart will burst
when you touch my pulsating skin.
of being a feather and letting myself fall
even though i know that your arms
are more than capable of catching me.
of standing tall and walking next to you
instead i slouch and shrink away
when you get too close.
when you say words that penetrate
my oh so strong defences and they make their way
into the dictionary of my soul.
how i swell inside like everything in me
is ready to pop and i don't like it
but i like you and
why can't these feelings go away
i don't want to be alone.
i am afraid of being alone-
but i am afraid of loving you
the polar knightshe caught your eye one day- while you were standing behind a counter; behind the wall you had built; behind the coldness in your eyes. she was everything that could melt the ice that had prickled your heart all these years- but you pushed her away, as the fledgling does the nest- and so you lost the sparkle in her eyes and let the cold seep deeper still.the polar knight4 years ago in Flash Fiction & Vignettes More Like This
you came across her again, many months later, her beauty more radiant than ever- your frost spread through your limbs reaching for her warmth. her draw was like that of a flame, so tempting to reach into and capture and yet so dangerous to those who desire to contain it. fire breaks glass and ice and men. your eyes melted at the sight of her and chilled again with every moment you spent separate.
it went like this on and off; days upon days of cold winters submerged in the frozen hell you made your home, only to be rescued briefly by a gimps of the sun- your north star, shining bright. you notice, however, that her warmth is fel