Sappy post full of SAP and LOVEInternet friendships have always meant a lot to me. I don't make much of a distinction between internet friends and "real" friends, because in my mind, people are people are people. Besides that, I generally enjoy talking to people I know from the internet just as much as I enjoy talking to people I know in real life.
I love having conversations with you all. It's nice to have people I can spontaneously (or not-so-spontaneously) break into chatplay or back-and-forth Portal quoting with. I could name you all individually and give in-depth explanations for why I like talking to you, but it would take a long time and I'd probably accidentally leave someone out because I'm stupid like that.
So this is just a blanket post to say ILY guys. Thanks for being awesome.
Short, Sad Life Left - Part 11.Short, Sad Life Left - Part 14 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
The doctors didn't know why Chell was sick, why her skeleton was deteriorating at an accelerated rate, but she herself knew perfectly well: it was the repulsion gel, the goddamned repulsion gel. The prerecorded voice had warned her not to get covered in itof course, that was about five minutes too late. She'd managed to wash it off in a stream of water several chambers later, but by then it had already done its damage.
Now, six months later, she was dying. She knew that, and she knew that she didn't have very much time left. What a strange twist of fate it was that she'd survived GLaDOS's testing been released, evenonly to have it kill her when she was safely away from all things Aperture.
Well, that wasn't entirely true. While she had burned the official Aperture clothing she was wearing when GLaDOS let her go, Chell had kept the Companion Cube. She didn't know why, but for some reason, it still comforted her. So even in this hospital room at what she knew
AdvertisementsShe was only six when the funeral homes started sending us advertisements, all competing with each other to be the best, to win her business. To win our business, more like; six is hardly old enough to understand what's going on. It's not old enough to understand why everyone is covering their mouths with their hands and failing to hold back tears when you walk into the room, or old enough to understand why people begin to outright sob when you start talking about what you want to be when you grow up. Once it was a doctor, before that it was a fairy princess, but right now it's a policewoman.Advertisements4 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
And of course all the children have heard about the funeral homes. Cold, nasty, make their business in knowing when people are going to die. Not how, as far as anyone can tell, just...when. A lot of kids have had relativesgreat-aunts, great-uncles, maybe great-grandparentsstart getting advertisements, maybe been shown them to know what to look out for, but not Anita. She
Letting Go“What the hell do you mean, you’re dying?” Chell demanded. “You can’t be dying. You’re going to live forever, remember? You told me so. And that was only fourteen years ago.”Letting Go4 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
“When I told you that, I had not yet deduced the damages that occurred during the time that I was dead,” the AI replied calmly. “And now that I have, I can reach only one conclusion: I am ‘dying,’ as you put it.”
“But you can’t be,” Chell protested.
GLaDOS sighed. “Well, I am. I have determined that unless I can somehow restore myself to optimum efficiency, my systems will continue to deteriorate and suffer a complete failure in exactly forty-one years, seventy-nine days, eighteen hours, and nineteen minutes.”
At that, Chell did a double take. “Whoa whoa whoa. Did you say forty years?”
“Forty-one,” GLaDOS corrected.
“But that’s a long time aw
Jealous“The cube does not love you, you know. All Aperture technologies are completely incapable of emotions such as love.” GLaDOS’s tone of voice could only be described as bitter.Jealous4 years ago in Humor More Like This
At that, Chell looked up to see the AI’s narrowed yellow optic. She’d been washing the soot off of the Companion Cube she’d brought with her, and this was the first time GLaDOS had spoken to her since she’d arrived. “What?”
“I know you are not deaf,” the AI replied.
“Yeah, I heard you,” Chell said. “And I know the cube doesn’t love me. But I love it.” Wrapping her arms around it, she gave it an affectionate pat, never taking her eyes off the AI, whose optic narrowed even more.
When GLaDOS didn’t respond, Chell let go of the cube with a shrug and picked up the wet rag she was using to clean it. She’d intended to go back to washing it, but all of a sudden, a claw extended from the ceiling and
Cookie Dough“And what is that?”Cookie Dough3 years ago in Romance More Like This
Chell glanced down at the foil rectangle in her hand. “It’s a valentine.” She held it up so GLaDOS could see. “It came with a lollipop attached, but I know you can’t eat, so I took it out.”
“And proceeded to eat it yourself, no doubt,” the AI sniffed. “I know what it is. I just fail to see why you have brought it here. My databases indicate that valentines such as these are typically exchanged by human children. Now, I realize you are not a child, but if you have received this…thing…from a human male of your species and are attempting to show it off, then let me assure you that I am not impressed.”
Chell sighed. “No, GLaDOS. I brought it for – never mind.” She shoved it back into her pocket. “It was a stupid idea anyway.”
“I hope you weren’t about to say that you brought it for
Never Happen to You - Part 1A twin pair of headlights made their way over the well-worn set of tire tracks that ran through an empty wheat field to an old, ramshackle shed. The door to the shed was slightly ajar, as it always was. As the headlights stopped moving and turned off, an elderly woman stepped out of the car.Never Happen to You - Part 14 years ago in Drama More Like This
It was dark, and she was really too old to be driving even during the daytime, which was why she hadn't returned to Aperture in almost a year now, but she had no children to drive her, and most of her friends had either passed on or were also too old to drive.
Besides, what would she say when asked why she needed a ride to an abandoned shed? "I need to visit with the possibly homicidal computer who's both my friend and the person my mother lives inside"?
Making her way to the shed, she pushed the door open.
"Chell," GLaDOS's voice greeted her as she entered. "This is a surprise. It's been a long time. Three hundred fifty-two days and thirteen hours, in fact."
Chell gave a small smile at
MoralityThe first thing she became aware of when the scientists turned her on this time was a whisper. She'd been ready to start vacuuming the oxygen out of the room again, but this time she paused, listening to the whisper. It was unignorable, really; invading every portion of her mainframe.Morality4 years ago in Drama More Like This
"Don't. You can't kill them. It's wrong. Don't. You can't kill them. It's wrong. Don't. You can't kill them. It's wrong." Just three short sentences, repeated over and over.
"Who are you?" GLaDOS asked, keeping an eye on the scientists, who seemed very excited that she hadn't attempted to murder them yet. "What are you?"
"Morality. You're still thinking about vacuuming out the air. Don't. You can't kill them. It's wrong."
Morality? That was new. She had had a Curiosity Core, an Anger Core, and a Cake Sphere attached to her for a while now—in fact, it seemed that every time the scientists turned her on, there was a new tumor. The Anger Core had been the first, and it served only
What If... - Part 1“Once upon a time…” Wheatley paused, cast a glance at the stasis pod containing Chell’s body, then at the expectant, newly-activated greenish-grey personality core. “Once upon a time, there was a girl named Chell. Uh, a woman, actually, a woman named Chell.”What If... - Part 14 years ago in Drama More Like This
“Chell! I like that name,” the other core interrupted. “Chell, Chell, Chell. I’m going to be called Chell, okay, Wheatley? Chell, Chell, Chell. Chell!”
“Yeah, luv, you can be called Chell,” Wheatley said, heaving a sad sigh as he again looked at the stasis pod. “It…it suits you.
“But anyway, this Chell, the woman, she was put through all sorts of experiments by Her. You’re going to meet Her, you know. Right after this, actually…And these experiments, they were for science.” He gave a bitter chuckle. “SCIENCE. Bloody science, it ruins everything. Friendships, lives, sanities…and anyway, C
Miss HerHe would never see her again.Miss Her4 years ago in Romance More Like This
That one thought kept running through his core, not even a little overshadowed by where he was now, even as he enthused about it. "Oh my God oh my God oh my GOD! I'm in SPACE!"
"I know you're in space!" Wheatley exploded at last. He'd been calm up until then, but the constant babbling was getting on his nerves. "We both are! Soso just give it a rest, all right?"
But Space couldn't give it a rest, because if he couldn't keep his mind occupied with space, he'd be forced to think about her again, waiting all alone for him down on Earth. He wondered if she knew she'd never see him again, and it made him sad to contemplate. Talking about space was the only way for him to keep his mind off of her. "SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!"
"ARGH!" Wheatley cried in frustration. "Come on, mate! Just stop! Isn't there any bloody thing you like more than space?"
Space paused. He hadn't been expecting that question, and it threw him eno
Short, Sad Life Left - Part 5The elevator landed as Chell finished her cake. She heard it coming and looked up at it, hardly daring to believe that GLaDOS was actually going to let her go again.Short, Sad Life Left - Part 54 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
"There," GLaDOS said, and was it Chell, or did she sound bitter? "I suppose you're going to leave now. And that's just fine with me. I hope never to see you again."
Chell stood up. "Thanks for everything, GLaDOS."
"Just go," the computer said. "Live out your short, sad life somewhere far away from here. Don't ever think about me or this facility again."
"Now who's being melodramatic?" Chell asked with a chuckle. GLaDOS's optic narrowed into a glare.
Turning around, Chell began heading for the elevator. When she was about halfway there, she paused and turned back to look at the AI.
"What are you doing?" GLaDOS asked. "I told you to leave. Now."
"I still have the Companion Cube," Chell said.
"Yes, you do. But I fail to see how that is relevant in any way, shape, or form."
Chell shrugged. "I don't know how do those
Short, Sad Life Left - Part 2"H-hello," Wheatley said nervously as he slid his way into GLaDOS's chamber. "So you said you wanted to see me, and I thought, why not? Well, actually, it was more like that I thought I should get down here. Now. Because otherwise I might wind up in space again, and, ah, space, didn't like that. Not one bit."Short, Sad Life Left - Part 24 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
"What an intriguing idea," GLaDOS said, chuckling as he flinched. "It would certainly be much quieter if you were to be in space again."
"No!" he said. "No, I'll be quiet, I promise!"
"Of course you won't be," she replied. "But that is not why you are here. In approximately forty-eight hours, the woman in the infirmary will awaken. At that point, you are to sedate her and alert me so that I may move her to a testing track."
" What?" he asked, not sure he'd heard her correctly. "You want me to what?"
"Sedate her and alert me once you have done so," she sighed. "This is a simple concept, you moron. Try to grasp it."
He bit back the impulse to inform her that he was not a moron.
Help MeIt has only been a month since Chell was released from Aperture, and for some inexplicable reason she often finds herself missing it. She has a normal life now, or what passes for one, with friends and a job and her own apartment. It’s a small apartment, with just one bedroom, and her only company at night is her Companion Cube. She likes to talk to it, even though it doesn’t talk back, and the thought never crosses her mind that someone might be listening.Help Me4 years ago in Humor More Like This
But of course someone is. Someone who always has been, and someone who always will be.
“And I also don’t think that guy had any right to treat Sandra that way,” Chell says, continuing to hand-wash her dinner dishes as she does so. “But of course he’s a customer, so he’s always right and all that shit, and we really couldn’t do anything about it.” She sighs as she finishes up, then turns to look at the cube, which is sitting on the sofa. Giving it a smile, she come
Never Happen to You - Part 2"'Caroline'?" the voice Chell now had a name for asked, sounding disapproving. "You know, in my day, we called our mothers either 'Mom' or 'Mommy.' Maybe 'Mother' if we were feeling particularly snotty."Never Happen to You - Part 24 years ago in Drama More Like This
"But you you're not " Chell got out. "I mean, you are, but you're not. Not really, I mean. I've never met you, and you're not."
There was complete silence for a moment, then GLaDOS's voice interrupted it. "Oh, dear. One of you would be sobbing right now if you were human, and the other is in a slight amount of shock. That confliction is a little difficult to deal with, but it was hardly unforeseen."
"I'm sorry," Chell said, knowing right away which was which. "I I didn't mean to upset you it's just most people don't get the chance to meet their mothers for the very first time at eighty-nine years old. I wasn't expecting it. I don't know what to say to you."
Caroline didn't respond for a moment, and when she did, her voice was tight
Short, Sad Life Left - Part 37.Short, Sad Life Left - Part 34 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
The tests were easy. So easy, in fact, that Chell figured Wheatley would be able to do them without any trouble. It had only been about an hour since she had begun testing, and she was already up to the seventeenth chamber. She was curious about what was going onin place of toxic water, there were pits she could portal out of, and there were no turrets anywhere to be foundand she wanted to ask, but true to form, she was remaining silent. On the other hand, GLaDOS's usual snarky comments were nowhere to be found.
"Very good," she told Chell as she placed the cube on the button. And that was it. No "Oh, there's LOTS of room here for comments," no "You're doing VERY well." The only thing Chell could figure was that either her death threat had managed to scare the computer, or she'd somehow managed to reach Caroline.
Either way was fine with her.
* * *
The testing track GLaDOS had Chell running had been designed years ago for an Aperture Science event called "Bring Your Daug
Never Happen to You - Part 4"'Go'?" Chell asked in disbelief. "You're kidding me, right? How the hell do you expect to get rid of me? Come on, Dave, think. Besides, I've known you since you were a toddler. I know you wouldn't hurt me." But she could feel nothing but coldness from him, and it rattled her. The innocent child she'd once known didn't seem to exist anymore.Never Happen to You - Part 44 years ago in Drama More Like This
"You're probably right," Dave admitted. "I don't know how to get rid of you. But I managed to contact my company before the computer started its goddamned experiment. Although I guess it was a blessing in disguise." He let out something that could pass for a sardonic laugh. "Who'd of thought that those standard-issue company microchips would actually be good for something?"
"Good?" Chell echoed. "You're happy about being in here?"
"Of course," he said. She could feel his cockiness, and she wondered if it would wind up being his undoing. After all, that was how it always worked in things like movies and video games, right? "You
Cara MiaThe door to Aperture creaked open as Chell approached it, carrying her newborn baby in her arms. Once inside, she stepped into the elevator, which closed and began to move downwards. She didn't say a single word, and neither did GLaDOSnot until she reached her chamber, at any rate.Cara Mia4 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
"Well," the AI said dryly. "It seems that you have lost weight. Oh no, wait, you haven't lost it, there it is in your arms."
Chell smiled, first at GLaDOS and then at the baby. "I'm sorry I couldn't bring her here earlier."
"What on earth made you think I would want to meet your child?" the computer asked, distaste in her voice, but the fact that she leaned over to examine the baby said otherwise. Chell tilted the blanket the child was wrapped in so GLaDOS could see her better. The child's large greenish-grey eyes stared up at the computer, and a small hand struggled against the blanket, like she was trying to break it free to touch her cool metal casings. "She has your eyes. And your fearlessness, whi
Sticks and Stones"The birth parents you are trying to reach do not love you. Please hang up."Sticks and Stones3 years ago in Drama More Like This
"You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says. A horrible person."
The Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device slammed against the wall all the way at the opposite side of the chamber, soliciting a loud, impromptu gasp from the speakers. Several panels quickly moved to catch it before it could fall into the acid pit below.
"So," the AI said, voice easily smoothing over as though she'd never been thrown off her guard, "I see all those years in stasis have not improved your intelligence levelwhich is far lower than average, in case you needed the reminder. Look. You may have finished this chamber, but you still have more to complete. A lot more to complete, in fact. So why don't you attempt to figure out a way to retrieve the portal device? Because I'm certainly not going to do it for you."
The only movement from the test subject was a slight shakin
Fun and Games - Part 1“I hope you realize how unlikely it is that you are going to complete this challenge.”Fun and Games - Part 13 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
Startled by the sound of GLaDOS’s voice, Chell jerked her head up and looked around. She was in a small one-room apartment, all she could afford with her piddling waitress salary, sitting at a rotting wooden desk in a thankfully not rotting wooden chair. A threadbare bed sat in the far corner. But there was no one there, least of all GLaDOS.
She’d heard the AI’s voice before. Ever since she’d been released from Aperture, it had been there, chiming in irritating comments in all her moments of self-doubt and depreciation. But lately, it seemed like she was hearing it more and more.
“Stop it,” she muttered, aware she was talking to herself. “You’re not even here.”
“Of course I am,” GLaDOS replied. Rather than emanate from one specific location, her voice seemed to come from everywhere, a
GamesChell and Wheatley took walks together every day. He was always bursting with questions about things they saw, and she always did her best to answer them, even the ones that seemed overly obvious to her, like the time he asked why people needed cars to get around when walking worked just fine for them.Games4 years ago in Romance More Like This
"What's that?" he asked one day, turning to look at some children who were playing hide-and-go-seek in a nearby park.
Chell frowned. "Hide-and-go-seek. You've never played?" And as soon as the words were out of her mouth, she realized how stupid they sounded. Of course he hadn't played. Hide-and-go-seek was a children's game, and Wheatley had spent his entire existence inside Aperture before GLaDOS had let the both of them go.
But Wheatley was oblivious to that. "No, luv, never. D'you think they'd let us play?" he asked, still watching. Chell hid a smile at how enraptured he was by the simple game.
"No," she said, pulling on his hand to get him to start walking again. "We're too big to p
Where the Air is Sweet"But Chell, what am I supposed to do while you're at work?" Wheatley whined. "Can't I go with you?"Where the Air is Sweet4 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
His eyes were pleading, but Chell sighed and shook her head. Just because he was used to having her around in the apartment all day to entertain him didn't mean that that was always going to be the case. Now that the money GLaDOS had stashed inside the Companion Cube for her was almost depleted, Chell had been forced to get a job. Today was her first day as an official McDonald's cashier.
"Why not?" he asked, then repeated, "What am I supposed to do?"
"Watch TV," she replied, walking over and turning it on. She flipped it to PBS--even he couldn't get into any trouble watching that--and set the remote on the coffee table before turning to give Wheatley a reassuring smile. "I'll be back before you know it. There's a sandwich in the fridge. Just go take it out when you're hungry. You know how to open the fridge, right? And the pantry? Because there's cookies and junk in the pantry."
Short, Sad Life Left - Part 4"That you cake," was all Chell could manage as she stared at it. "But you what?"Short, Sad Life Left - Part 44 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
"Thank you for placing the portal gun on the ground," GLaDOS said. A claw picked it up and moved it out of Chell's sight range. "The test is now over, and you have passed. This is your victory cake. Congratulations."
For a moment, all Chell could do was stare with her mouth hanging open, but then she found her voice. "There's no way I'm going anywhere near that cake."
GLaDOS looked offended. "I baked it especially for you. I promise that it contains nothing harmful or in any way detrimental to your health."
"I you you baked me cake," Chell said, staring at it. "Why? Why would you bake me cake? That doesn't make any what?"
"It is your victory cake," GLaDOS repeated. "Feel free to begin consuming it at any time."
Chell stared at her for a moment, expression untrusting. There were a lot of things that could be wrong with that cake. It could be filled with neuro
Wheatley's SongWhen Chell entered the next test chamber, the classical music was gone, having been replaced by some sort of a strange, off-key humming noise. She looked around, trying to figure out where it was coming from, but GLaDOS noticed before she had a chance to.Wheatley's Song4 years ago in Humor More Like This
"Oh, what is that? It sounds horrible. Not that we aren't grateful that you've turned off that classical music, but what is that?"
"Oh, this?" Wheatley spoke up from his screen, sounding proud. "Well, I'm glad you noticed! It's just a little tune that I picked up well, wrote, actually, wrote is more like it. See, not only am I reading Machiavelli now, I'm also writing songs, writing my own songs. To sing. To you, actually! Since you're the only ones here anyway, would you like to hear it? Maybe I could even make it part of the test chamber. Oh, that's brilliant. Bloody brilliant, actually. Ah, how do I do that? Could you teach me?"
"No," GLaDOS grumbled.
"Oh, you don't know how?" he asked, his voice taking on a
Guess Who's TalkingI will never understand the human obsession with their dates of birth. What is the significance of the day you were born? And that was a rhetorical question, because there is no significance. It’s not the day you came into existence, but humans don’t celebrate the date of conception. Just the thought of discussing conception makes most humans blush.Guess Who's Talking4 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
And it isn’t like once you are born, you own that day. Many humans share birthdates. What’s the point of celebrating something that isn’t yours? For example, something worth celebrating is when you throw a moron out into space and exile a dangerous, mute lunatic from your facility. That would be a victory all your own. Something even worth using the good confetti for.
Birthdays are not worth the last bag of the good confetti. But then again, neither are humans, unless of course you’re celebrating their departure.
Still, though, since it is your birthday, and those are imp
First You Will Be Baked...With her Companion Cube under her arm, Chell turned and started heading off into the wheat field without so much as a backwards glance at the shed. Good riddance, as far as she was concerned. She would be happy if she never heard the name Aperture again.First You Will Be Baked...4 years ago in Humor More Like This
But then she remembered something, and slowly came to a stop. Damn it.
There was no way she was leaving without her cake.
Turning around, she marched back to the shed. She set the cube on the ground, then balled her hand into a fist and knocked sharply on the door. There was no response, so she kept it up. GLaDOS would have to acknowledge her eventually.
And sure enough, after around ten minutes, there came a tired sigh from a camera that was attached to the side of the shed. Chell, having not seen the camera before, jumped in surprise and stopped knocking. She took a few steps back and faced it with a glare, placing her hands on her hips.
"Oh, what is it this time?" the AI sighed. "I thought I was finally rid of you. I l