All Her PrettyAll Her Pretty13 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
She opens the door to let me in and asks me to excuse the mess. I've already forgotten about it, I've known her for years. Her hands are black with charcoal and her hair is lank against her face, having been unwashed for days. I know her aquatic eyes, as if she had been a mermaid in a past life and still longed to return to the water. She dumps her daughter into my arms and heads for the paint hidden in the corner, moving like a rat that's just found a way out of its cage. I attempt to console Emily, trying to heal her damaged heart. It's useless though, all she wants is her mother and a little security. There are piles of clothes everywhere, stacks of old books, filled ashtrays, broken glass scattered over the kitchen floor. I ask her what happened and she tells me that she just got angry at this Tele-marketer and decided to throw some plates around to ease her anger.
"On days like these," she used to say, "it's too cold to swim and everything feels like the weather."
I don't know why
In My 15th Year: wed. 3:00 pm :In My 15th Year13 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
I'm lying in bed where I've been for over a week only getting out of it to eat a bit and use the bathroom.
Into My room comes my best friend and her teammate from the vollyball team.
They ask me why I haven't been in school, how I am...
I say I'm sick and maybe I'll be back soon.
: wed. 3:30 pm :
I decide I really can't hide in my room forever no solitude.
: wed. 5:00 pm :
Waiting for my stepfather to leave.
: wed. 7:30 pm :
He leaves and I am alone in the house and I will be until after midnight.
I leave my bedroom, head to the bathroom with the broken up daisy razor (pink).
I'm wearing a long pink shirt and pajama bottoms I'm 15 years old.
: wed. 7:47ish pm :
I start the water running lukewarm and sit in the tub fully clothed.
The razor is long in width but short in hight.
I make the first cut going up and down not across ( I want to die )
I do it the " right way " the way of split veins most times beyond repair.
: wed. 8:10ish pm :
losing a friendlosing a friend13 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
losing a friend
when i sit back and look at everyone,
i notice you sitting there
with all your new found friends.
always ignoring me, blowing me off, pretending
as if i'm not even there.
you've changed, to become
so much like them
you are now something
you once could not stand
i remember when you'd say
"i'll never be like that."
you didn't care what they thought,
we'd sit and make fun of people
who'd sit and make fun of us.
big pants, spiky hair, pez dispensers
all little things that made our
now you're the one
who says the things
that make me want to hate you.
my clothes, hair, personality
all subjects of our conversations.
you try to change me,
as me why i'm not normal,
do you mean normal, like you?
now every time i see you
it's always the same
i look towards you
you glance at me
then turn your head
The Night My Daddy Murdered MeMy name is Misty,The Night My Daddy Murdered Me13 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I am but three,
My eyes are swollen,
I cannot see.
I must be stupid,
I must be bad,
What else could have made
My daddy so mad?
I wish I were better,
I wish I weren't ugly,
Then maybe my mommy
Would still want to hug me.
I can't speak at all,
I can't do a wrong,
Or else I'm locked up
All the day long.
When I awake
I'm all alone,
The house is dark,
My folks aren't home.
When my mommy does come,
I'll try and be nice,
So maybe I'll get
Just one whipping tonight.
Don't make a sound!
I just heard a car,
My daddy is back
From Charlie's Bar.
I hear him curse,
My name he calls,
I press myself
Against the wall.
I try and hide
From his evil eyes,
I'm so afraid now
I'm starting to cry.
He finds me weeping,
He shouts ugly words,
He says it's my fault
That he suffers at work.
He slaps me and hits me,
And yells at me more,
I finally get free
And I run for the door.
He's already locked it,
And I start to bawl,
He takes me and throws me
Against the hard wall.
I fall to the floor
turn smile shift repeatturn smile shift repeat13 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
i wake up to a
the trees are dancing
to the melody of
the sunset and you
are the only one
that crosses my
i want to bury my-
self and fall in love
with your smile.
the tone of your
voice, the scent
of your soul, the
taste of your skin
the blood that
whenever you are near me,
whenever you are breathing.
you are waiting.
follow the depths of love;
In My 15th Year -- part 2: thurs. 7:00ish am :In My 15th Year -- part 213 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
A nurse comes into the room and wakes me saying they have to take some blood to do tests.
She fills seven vials.
I notice I have a roommate.
She leaves and wake up call is announced.
My roommate looks at me and grabs her clothes and goes into the bathroom.
: thurs. 7:30ish am :
We are all dressed and in the hall.
Lined up like in a prison roll call.
I've only met one of the other kids this boy who is 11 and had to stay awake all night for a CAT scan in the morning.
They all assess me I am the new one.
: thurs. 7:40ish am :
My first breakfast, I learn names and I learn ailments.
This one Depressed
This one Bulimic
This one Angry
This one Who's father sent him here to be examined because he thinks he isn't outgoing enough.
: thurs. 8:00ish am :
I sit looking out the window of the rec room.
The view is a huge graveyard and I think how ironic.
This girl Racheal asks me why I am here
I show my bandages.
A boy named Leroy calls me a psycho, says he doesn
Sleeping BeautySleeping Beauty13 years ago in Horror More Like This
I can see him coming even through my closed eyelids.
He gets closer and closer to the bed, panting like an animal from the hundred steps, and I can smell the sweat and dirt come off him in waves that make my nostrils flare. But I stay perfectly still, keep my eyes sealed shut. He comes to me, and his dirty fingers explore me, spreading his filth all over my clean body. How can he?
He doesn't notice at all where my hand rests.
Over me he breathes hard and pulses, and I hate him for it.
The first was to supposed to be the perfect one, the pure. I wanted him to be so... perfect. But he wasn't. He scratched my face with his dirty, unshaven cheeks, and bruised my skin with rough fingers. He ruined my dream. What could I do but wait for another?
Finally he gets off me, let's me breathe again. He puts my heels together, and smoothes out my dress; they all do that, as if they think it makes a difference. Then, as if to seal the deal, he goes to kiss me, and I can smel
how to dis-a-pare completelyhow to dis-a-pare completely13 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
And she was anonymous but I knew her quite well. It was raining that day, and I gave up. If it isn\'t love then I rather not feel at all but that itself is a sin. I heard this familiar voice in the background; his voice was dull, frail, and very unnoticeable if you weren\'t paying attention. He reminded me what love was and how keeping away from it was the best option, he reminded me that I was wrong and pathetic for even thinking the way I did--but he forgave me. He told me suicide was an easy way out but only pussies take the easy way out. He wasn\'t anonymous but I didn\'t know him at all. He told me to wake up and I did.
My apartment was smaller then others, a lot smaller, bedroom size to be exact. I didn\'t have any need for space. I lived alone. No one came in or out of my apartment except me, I hardly ever went out anyways. I slept on the floor, I didn\'t have any hot water, my fridge was empty, and my room overall was empty. I had no job, all I had was myself--that wa
AssaultAssault13 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Eyes adjusting to the dimness
smells assaulting my nostrils
acrid bitter rusty drain
- into the room.
Slither close to the edges
dampness assaulting my skin
flakey, mildew ridden walls
- fingers sliding along.
Seems I've been here before
same place different existence
bent kneed I touch wooden floors
- once worshiped with my face.
Single bulb light
in the middle of the room
swaying at my entrance
broken jagged glass hanging down
- never to bear witness again.
I meet the overturned chair
on my feet this time, my knees
will never meet this floor again
- the memory begins.
The crying again, coming from in there
noise assaulting my small ears
short gasping breaths from her throat
- why is she crying ?
Slip quietly through dark halls
the light spilling out
from the crack under the door
- ear to the wood, why is she gasping for air?
Door flying open pouring light over me
acrid bitter smell of blood assaulting my nostrils
look what we have here, nosey are we?, well come in and see.
In My 15th Year -- part 6: wed. 2:30ish pm :In My 15th Year -- part 613 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
I'm so scared of what it will be like there.
I'm scared of being the new one.
I'm afraid there's nothing wrong with me, maybe I'm just selfish and spoiled.
I'm afraid there is something wrong with me ..and its not fixable.
Maybe I'll never leave once I get there.
: wed. 3:10ish pm :
We stop and get gas.
They ask me if I want a pop...daja vue.
I say sure ..a coke please.
We drive on.
: wed. 3:45ish pm :
We pull in a long driveway and I see a sprawling complex of buildings.
To the right says Adult Facilities -->
To the left says Childrens Facilities.
I just close my eyes .
There is a large turn around drive at the front of the building.
Big white pillars framing the door.
No bars guards or dogs.
We grab my stuff out of the trunk and walk through the doors.
Even now I don't want to leave.
I think I'm hoping for a miracle.
: wed. 4:20ish pm :
We are all signed in and my parents aren't even allowed to escort me to my ward.
Its all goodbye at the door.
Bye, see ya, maybe
Artist Alley 101Artist Alley 1013 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
ARTIST ALLEY 101
Hi there deviantart guinea pigs! 8D I'm preparing an outline for a panel at A-kon! I have vast experience attending conventions and displaying my work. What I've written here are my total thoughts on how to do your first artist alley. It has not been made into an outline yet. What I'm needing is feedback, questions, and conversations about this information so I can decide what I might add or take away from this discussion before creating a final outline and hand out! Please help me! I'd really appreciate any comments you feel ready to leave! I am not really a comfortable public speaker, I only feel capable once I have prepared material extensively for the occasion.
Why to do an artist alley:
AA can turn a nice profit for a lot of people, but more often than not, First Con Ever is a learning experience more than a bountiful retail extravaganza. But before you shy away from losing money, consider that you'll probably pay more for a single college class and
In My 15th Year -- part 10: thurs. 12:00ish pm :In My 15th Year -- part 1013 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
I slowly fill out the papers.
I've come to a great epiphany while in this room,
while listening to those around me scream in agony and suffering.
I fill out the papers with what they want to hear/read.
If living with my father taught me one thing it was how to tell people what they needed/wanted to hear what would make them leave you alone what would make them
think you were ok.
: thurs. 1:00ish pm :
My lunch tray is brought in.
I tell the nurse I finished the papers, I ask if I can go back now.
She says after Jeri reads them.
: thurs. 3:00ish pm :
They come to let take me back to the ward.
I go quietly and calmly.
Talking to no one acknowledging no one, withdrawing into myself where the hurting can't reach.
They take me to my room which has been cleaned and stripped of all harmful things.
even my winter coat is gone now ..my shoelaces..my tapes...everything.
I strip myself down and shower staying a long time under the spray.
I dress and return to the ward rec ro
BraveryOn Saturday the twenty-first of January, Elliot took a gun, pressed it to the strip of bone between his eyes, and shot himself. The bullet shattered the frontal bone of his skull, warping his features past recognition, and burrowed through his pre-frontal cortex into the midbrain. He died before the sound stopped echoing through his empty apartment.Bravery5 years ago in Flash Fiction & Vignettes More Like This
This story isn't about that.
I worked with Elliot for only a little while—less than six months. Most of what I knew about him came from his desk. Unlike the smaller ones the secretaries and other reporters had, it was a stately, imposing thing. It would've been terrifying, especially to a mousy little girl like me, but it was covered in paperweights and spare pens and pictures of people hunting ducks. Anyway, Elliot himself denied fear: he was middle-aged, poised on the cusp between forty and fifty. His hair had already turned grey, but he didn't dye it, like he hadn't noticed he was getting older or just didn't care. He smiled more t
Network Races: NymphsRACES OF THE NETWORKNetwork Races: Nymphs2 years ago in Profiles More Like This
TERMS- HISTORY - POPULATION - RACIAL FEATURES - TODAY - NOTABLES
- 'Nymph' is the general term. Major classes of nymphs are those of water (naiad), vegetation (dryad), land (oread), caves (lampad), and fire (igniad).
- 'Nymph' can have nudge-nudge-wink-wink connotations, so they're alternately called elemental humanoids by the politically correct and the stuffy.
- Are traditionally referred to with female pronouns though they're not inherently gendered beings.
- Technically they're not a race or even a species, because they have no hand in the creation of new nymphs and existing nymphs have nothing like a social society or culture. If anything, they are a sporadic natural phenomenon that happen to be self-aware.
- Nymphs are sentients that come to be in places of concentrated natural magic. (Such places are the result of the Network's closely overlying neighbor dimension- which leaks the mad
Humming Bird SexHumming Bird Sex11 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I feel your pulse on mine
Your breath heavy, making me
You caress my love and I
Tip-toe closer to
Taking all of you in me
I take a deep breath and smell
The wings of a humming bird
escape through your
and into my
niping at my heart
your just another
your more than that
your my secret love
but your shouldn't know
when you call
my heart leaps
a lovers song
and when you leave
SchizophreniaVoices whisper in your ear;Schizophrenia6 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
Sweetest nothings, greatest fears.
All your life your friend is there,
Waiting with a tale to share.
Threats are blown into the air,
Ever present, meant to scare.
Someone tails your every move;
A hidden fiend, free to rove.
Disembodied voices say:
Never dare to disobey.
Your friend arrives with a grin,
A plan in mind, a great sin.
Trembling grips your paling hand.
Someone whispers their command.
Terrified, you call to me,
Hoping I can set you free.
But as you point out your friend,
Wishing that this all would end,
My answer renews your fear:
I see no one standing there.
SchizophreniaSchizophreniaSchizophrenia6 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Locked within your own mind
I scream let him come back
Give me back the son I knew
Before schizophrenia attacked
It's robbing you everyday
Of things you were taught
Illusions and delusions
Control your every thought
I miss the hugs and kisses
That you shared so much
You were such a loving child
Now unable to touch
Rhonda Joyce Kidd
Copyright ©2009 Rhonda Joyce Kidd
SchizophreniaAnd its a fear,Schizophrenia7 years ago in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
A fear of what Ive become.
Im watching as time flies by
And Im stuck in this spot.
From the corner of my mind,
Where I retreat.
Trying to convince myself,
That Im not sick
Like they say I am.
All the symptoms are there,
Yet no one notices.
I'm alone with these voices.
Paint Tool SAI Bug Fixesokkkkk so I was having some problems with this program, and here are two fixes I found.Paint Tool SAI Bug Fixes3 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
They work and now I'm happy.
First: Touch sensitivity
I have a Windows 7 comp and a wacom tablet.
So, first open the "Start" menu.
Search for "tablet preference"
A link labeled "Wacom Tablet Preference File Utility" should pop up.
Then, Click "Remove" All Users Preferences.
This fixed touch sensitivity....
On top of that, it wouldn't work at all -______________- it didn't even show up! when I clicked, nothing happened!
So here's what to do....
go to the folder in which sai is located. it could be "PaintTool SAI EnglishPack" or something like that.
A Configuration Settings file should pop up labeled "misc"
You should have the following:
SchizophreniaSince these voices appearedSchizophrenia2 years ago in Emotional More Like This
My life is not the same
Why now I'm scared of myself
When they appear is a real torture for me
They tell me that nobody love me or appreciates me
They say that when I die will be the happiest day for others, because no one would have to endure my stupidity more
They say I'm all alone, no one can understand me
They tell me I'd be better off dead
They tell me they all deserve to die
They make me hurt emotionally and physically
They cause you to lose control of myself
They make me that i hate myself
They make my sanity this breaking into pieces
Every day I wake up with the hope that the voices are gone
But I also get up in fear that at any moment I can lose control of myself
And I do something that may regret forever