Emmett is not allowed to..prt3"Alice! Thank goodness you're here--I need to hide the nuclear warhead before the feds arrive!" Emmett said running into the roomEmmett is not allowed to..prt35 years ago in General Non-Fiction More Like This
"Dear God." Bella said.
"YOU STOLE A NUCLEAR WARHEAD!?" Rosalie shreiked.
"I was improving it!" He defended.
Alice grabbed his arm and ran with him outside, presumeably to show him a place where no one would find it. Bella and Rosalie stood in shocked silence for a minute before Bella sighed, turned to the list and scrawled at the bottom:
51. Steal nuclear warheads to improve them. Correction: he is not allowed to steal anything, including but not limited to government property, underwear, kitchen utensils and cheese wheels
52. sing to Renesme Girlfriend by Avril Lavigne infront of Jacob....
53 .... infact... he can NEVER sing Girlfriend by Avril Lavigne...
54. ... In fact, he's not even allowed to think about singing Girlfriend to Renesme, in front of Jacob or otherwise.
55. Is not allowed to kidnapp Bella for revenge against Edward.
56. Has to remember to
Emmett is not allowed to..prt4"Finally, we're finished with part three. I just really hope he follows these." Bella said as she got up from her chair and went to put the list next to the other two.Emmett is not allowed to..prt45 years ago in General Non-Fiction More Like This
"That was sort of annoying when he kept bugging me about how Dracula was." Carlisle said, as he walked into the room. Everyone nodded in agreement. Just then there was a loud yell from the living room, and Emmett came bursting into the kitchen.
"I just had 38 bets on me on eBay!" He yelled. "This one old dude bid two thousand dollars!" Rosalie shook her head and turned back to the list, and added,
101. Emmett Cullen must not sell himself on eBay for any reason, whatsoever
1. Emmett Cullen is not aloud to sing 'Hello, I Love You' by The Doors to Jasper or Edward on any occasion
2. Steal Charlie's gun, then threaten to shoot himself if Bella doesn't marry him
3. Break into Alice's closet, steal all her clothes, and tell her she really should have seen it coming.
4. Run up to Bella screaming, "Aliens are trying t
Emmett is not allowed to..prt2Emmett Cullen is not allowed to:Emmett is not allowed to..prt25 years ago in General Non-Fiction More Like This
1. Forcefully dress Carlisle in a disco suit...
2. And then ask him if Barry Manilow knows he raided his wardrobe
3. Steal all of Bella's bras...
4. And then wear the raciest one over his shirt to school...
5. And claim that he did it to make a statement about gender stereotypes
6. Panse Edward as he's walking to class...
7. Especially in front of a crowd of lust-filled girls
8. Refer to Esme as "The Stepford Wife"
9. Claim to have had wild and crazy sex with Edward's piano
10. Claim to have had wild and crazy sex with Edward's car
11. Claim to have had wild and crazy sex with Edward's girlfriend (Bella)
12. Claim to have had wild and crazy sex with Edward
13. Claim any of numbers 9 to 12 loudly in the cafeteria
14. Refer to Jasper's empathy as "Jasper's feminine problem"
15. Paint Alice's 911 Turbo a color other than yellow
16. Ask Rosalie if he she thinks he needs a breast reduction, so that his chest will be smaller than hers
17. Tell anyone who will
Emmett is not allowed to......Emmett Cullen is not allowed to:Emmett is not allowed to......5 years ago in General Non-Fiction More Like This
1. Spread rumors that the reason why Edward never had a girlfriend before Bella is because he is gay...
2. ...And that he has a crush on Jasper...
3. ...or Carlisle
4. Tell Alice that pink really isn't her color
5. Attempt to juggle with Esme's china
6. Tell Bella that if she jumped from a great height Edward would have to change her
7. Microwave Peeps...
8. ...and leave them in Jasper's favorite book
9. Call Bella's mom and tell her "The baby's doing okay" and that Bella and Edward asked him to be godfather
10. Snap his fingers in 'Z' formation
11. Use the phrase "Uh-uh. Gir-Rl puh-lease."
12. Snap his fingers in 'Z' formation while using the phrase "Uh-uh. Gir-Rl puh-lease."
13. In fact, Emmett is not even allowed to think about snapping his fingers in 'Z' formation, saying "Uh-uh. Gir-Rl puh-lease," or doing both at the same time
14. Try and start a nudist colony in a school bathroom...
15. ...and invite the teachers giving him detention/trying to ge
FinallyYou seem to think I'm crazyFinally2 years ago in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
That my mind is Pandora's box and Medusa
Turns facts to lies in my eyes,
Turns friendship and visits to the zoo and pumpkin carving
Into sex and naked bodies writhing
On sweaty sheets and unclean minds
But you make me mad, and you make me sad.
I am no mythical creature transformed by
My illness and twisted into dark shapes
And shadowy figures. I am no enigma,
I am easy, I am simple, I am a puzzle
For a four year old, to be finished and
Discarded within the same hour.
You think my sickness makes me misty
Casts a thick fog into my perception
But I see you clearer than I ever could without it.
The lies, the lies, the false smiles and
Calm, sweet words, the twisting of truths and the
Promise of naivety. I am not stupid.
Not young, not influenced, not less than you.
But just because I know the secret desires
Where the hole in your bucket resides,
How you fail to keep things inside,
Does not mean I can leave.
Does not mean that I'm free.
Captive to your trap
After the Empty Night FallsSurrogate loveAfter the Empty Night Falls2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
lines your streets,
where blue blood flows
like storm rain
after the empty night falls.
After the empty night falls
the inherently lonely succumb
to bouts of useless thought,
abusive nightime words
kept from the waking world,
but only after
the empty night falls.
Out of FeelingIf I get to feeling lowOut of Feeling3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
play roulette with the gun in the table drawer,
wish we could,
wish we would
blow it away,
throw it all away.
We've all had our moments
and we've all had our days
where its been easier
to look away,
just look away.
SometimesSometimes I think I've forgotten your name,Sometimes2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I search and look for hours,
But last night while out of my mind
I wrote it down,
surrounded by words of love and flowers,
What a funny secret, what a funny way
to fall in love with someone
and not know what to say.
Its a matter of misunderstanding,
a matter of asininity,
that makes one fall in love this way
and lose the longing to see.
It's RainingIt's rainingIt's Raining1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
so I stayed in bed all day,
a half-assed attempt
to drive all thought away,
it almost worked,
I tell you,
but the phone rang
and woke me,
so I showered, dressed
and called you back...
In My Mind She SwaysIn my mind she swaysIn My Mind She Sways2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Dances back and forth in between neuron transmittors.
Rapid fire thought, day-dream believer, hippie, lover.
She tastes the rain like good tea,
feels the rain like thunder in the vein.
Second-hand life, worn out couches, strife.
Two wrongs never did make a right &
bombs never did have sight
so she wandered out
& left her light on
but they couldn't follow,
the sky wasn't clear.
Your nights reign supreme
& your summer skies are black,
in my mind she sways
in my mind she's back
and that's the only place she'll stay
Our Long Distance LoveMy love,Our Long Distance Love8 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
Though I may cry and though I may weep;
I know you may be far but in my heart I shall keep.
Thoughts of you have made my days bright;
I wish to kiss your lips and hold you tight.
I know, at times, I can be hard to understand;
With all of the wonderful things I know is at hand..
Why should I let tears fall from my face?
Why not a smile to wear in their place?
Because I need you here and in my arms;
Because I know in your love, I shall never no harm.
Because as I lie in bed these countless nights;
I wish and I pray that I could take flight.
Over the miles that come between;
Over the fields and across every stream.
That I could rest soundly within your space;
Gaze into your eyes and caress your face.
Whisper my love into your ear;
Tell you all of the words I've wanted you to hear.
But then I awake, alone in my bed;
Thoughts, all of you, running through my head.
I know that someday my dreams will come true;
I wish and I pray that "someday" will be soon.
You are my one and only, lo
Sometimes You WouldI remember your singingSometimes You Would2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
but not the sound,
silent film loops
of a voiceless face
going through and through
the back rooms
of a place I wouldn't know anymore.
I remember your guitar
but not the chords you played,
forming half-assed chords,
the sound was rough
but I asked you to play it just the same.
And sometimes you would,
sometimes you would.
Stream of Consciousnessyou could be so beautifulStream of Consciousness2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
if only you would try...
striped the walls in grey and blues
thought your mind could take a fall
and wrong I was, wrong we were,
come again when the days come
light and early,
when dawn breaks at noon
take a yellow one to touch the sun
in your blackened mind,
along the edge of darkened rooms
to wonder at an empty space,
fill the world with walls,
fill those walls with words
and kill what won't conform
In the end you've got you
and the time
could only matter in your lonely, logical ends.
Sitting up nights with circles growing darker under ocean eyes,
told the night to give it a try,
sleep comes hard when one can't speak,
words come hard when that sleep is weak
I'll write you a poem if its the last thing I do...
Oh Sweet JaneOh sweet Jane,Oh Sweet Jane3 years ago in Songs & Lyrics More Like This
your hair's a mess,
Where you been?
Where's your dress?
Standing there in your stockings alone,
Look at what the cat dragged home.
Oh pretty Jane
Where you been?
Goin round with another man,
Comin home late
with your hair and dress undone,
Pretty Jane's out havin' fun.
Oh sweet Jane,
you'll get yours yet.
i hate her because she's finecracker makes her skinnyi hate her because she's fine3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
sunblock keeps her white
she's really not that pretty
her face is just alright.
she winks and blushes perfectly;
grabs every boy's attention.
she smiles and pouts so expertly;
and instantly wins affection.
she can date the entire city,
walk over their hearts for all i care
but ensnaring you away from me
is the one thing she shouldn't dare.
why can't my hair smell as fruity?
how are her kisses better than mine?
can't you naturally fall for me?
i hate her because she's fine.
august 21, 2011
Play Me A SongI'm a numberPlay Me A Song1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
and a statistic
with a beercan full of
and burns in my skin
that shallow/deep pain
is consumed by
count my daily
doses of empty heads
while I exchange my numbers
for money I can't spend
and lies so I can pretend
that love exists and matters
when it doesn't in the end
While confusion and bruises are friends
and love holds out clammy hands
Play me a song and show me
what you've drawn
God is thereChristian: Just because you cannot see God doesn't mean he isn't real!God is there3 years ago in Philosophical More Like This
Atheist: And Just because you say that doesn't make him real!
Christian: You believe the air is there, you breathe it in, yet you cannot grab it and say this is air and prove to me it exists.
Atheist: You're just making things up! I can feel the air!
Christian: I don't believe you feel the air, so what can you possibly do to prove it being real?
Atheist: You can feel it too!
Christian: And what if I said that wasn't air? What if I said you're wrong.
Atheist: then you're a fool!
Christian: You, and everyone feels God's presence, when you feel someone there when you have done wrong, you look, and see no one there, but you can feel it, am I right?
Atheist: common schizophrenia!
Christian: Not true. You saying that is like me saying you feeling the air is schizophrenia, you say you feel it, but I see nothing!
Atheist: what is your point?
Christian: My point is... You may not see God, like you cannot see the air, but you
The Skeleton Keys - three: bunny hunterThe Skeleton Keys - three: bunny hunter2 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
The Skeleton Keys
three: bunny hunter
* A story by Beau Cyphre - with an illustration by Maria Amanda Schaub *
"Wanna see me naked? So go down into the rabbit hole!" said the rabbit.
So I tried to. It couldn't be too dangerous.
in the flow
I'm Sorry..I'm sorry,I'm Sorry..3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Don't you get it I'M SORRY OK??
I'm sorry that I'm not as smart as you,
I'm sorry that I'll fail all my exams,
I'm sorry that I'm not the perfect daughter,
I'm sorry that I'm ruining my life,
I'm sorry that I'm fat,
I'm sorry that I'm ugly,
I'm sorry that I'm a waste of space,
I'm sorry that I have no talent,
I'm sorry that I have feelings,
I'm sorry that I use up valuable food,
I'm sorry that I use up valuable water,
I'm sorry that I use up the air,
I'm sorry that you waste your time teaching me,
I'm sorry that I'm not the sister you can look up to,
I'm sorry that you feel any sympathy towards me,
I'm sorry that I'll never amount to anything,
I'm sorry that I lied to you,
I'm sorry that my fears interfere with my life,
I'm sorry that I have problems,
I'm sorry that I'm mental,
I'm sorry that I stole your razor blades,
I'm sorry that I used them to slice my skin,
I'm sorry that I'm not a thin as you,
I'm sorry that I'm useless,
I'm sorry that I'm no goo
adjusting to a new environmentIf you ever want to loveadjusting to a new environment4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
me, here are a few tips:
Adjust the spacing of 'a never'
to 'an ever'. Adjust to climate
changes. Adjust your legs to
fit my bed size. Call me Jelly.
Adjust your hips' position to match mine.
Read just the letters and not the wor()d
Readjust the spacing. Adjust to a world
without peanut butter or daisies or sex.
Adjust the volume of your moans,
so we don't wake your roommate
or parents or the neighbourhood.
Try not to break any thermostats
as you adjust body temperature.
Adjust the room temperature;
it's getting hot in here. Adjust
to living in each new house or
poem I write you in. Adjust to
poor capitalisation and British
Adjust to me telling you what
to do, or at least not listening
to you. Adjust to my constant
metaphors and ADHD. Adjust
to maladjustments and pretty
luck. Or witty luck. Or shitty
luck. Adjust to rhymes, even
though I hate them. Tell me
y entonces por finy entonces por fin6 years ago in Other More Like This
Y entonces por fin
. Te dije, Te Amo
Mi figura anhelante en tus ojos fríos
Tu boca trazando una lúdica sonrisa
Y entonces al fin
. Dijiste, yo No te Amo
No lo hago y jamás lo haré
y para mayores parámetros
somos como dos líneas paralelas
que nunca, jamás, se tocan
Y entonces yo pienso, recuerdo y bendigo
la preparatoria y su terminación en físico-matemáticas
Que si bien, otra cosa no se me quedó,
. Hay algo que sí aprendí:
Las líneas paralelas se unen en el infinito
Y entonces mi rostro se inunda
. con una sincera sonrisa
Me retiro y comienzo a andar
The Morality of HomosexualityA father picks up his newspaper the morning after he buried his son, a Marine Corps Corporal. He found the front page dominated by a story about protesters thanking God for killing another soldier.The Morality of Homosexuality6 years ago in Academic Essays More Like This
The protester's justification? Their message is supported by scripture: God is punishing America for being tolerant of homosexuals and the death of soldiers is a welcome sign of Gods wrath.
How is a parent supposed to feel when their beloved child, who happened to be different, dies fighting to protect a people who's only response is Youre going to hell! and God hates you! ?
The claim in question today is "Homosexuality is morally wrong, because God says so." I disagree. A person's sexual orientation has nothing to do with morality.
Let's look at what parts of the Bible support this claim. A few sample translations from various publications include:
King James Version, first published in 1611: "Thou shalt not lie with mankind as with womankind: it is ab