The Problems With Stories Written by TeenagersDon't be offended at the title. "Teenagers" is just my way of saying "people who write unprofessional/shallow stories." Not all teenagers write shallow stories, it just sounds catchier.... Anyway.The Problems With Stories Written by Teenagers2 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
The first thing I want to make clear is: I'm not talking about anything mechanical in this deviation. Grammar/spelling is important (obviously), but that point has been beaten to death by people on the internet already. My purpose, as always, is to talk about the stories themselves, regardless of the way they are communicated. Whether it be through written word or on-the-spot narration, I believe there are certain tricks to telling good stories. Not rules, mind you. Tricks.
I don't believe that telling good stories is about what you "should" do, rather than what you shouldn't. Example: people generally hate Mary Sues, right? Well, sometimes I notice things that are "like" Mary Sues, in the sense that they're equally as shallow/unprofessional ways of telling stories. The purpose of this deviat
The Empty ChildThe Empty ChildThe Empty Child3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I hear everything too loudly
I am falling apart
I grew up too fast
I am still a child
I cannot stand still
I see every detail
I cannot remember what I'm doing
I talk about dinosaurs and doctors and darkrooms
I cry for no reason
I do not have the ability to cry now
I see the world differently
I wish you saw it like me
I have a puzzle to put together
I wonder if you'll help me
I hear a song and must sing it
I see a picture and must take it
I see a world, a broken world
I want to fix that, too
I want to play
I need to work
I close my eyes and fall asleep
I remember everything
I forget my head
I stand in blue light
I see the world in shades of blue
I am lost
I have been waiting for you
I am the empty child
Are you my mommy?
The Fall of Ariamis …Priscilla.The Fall of Ariamis3 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
I will keep you safe.
I will keep you company.
Do you remember all those years ago – when we first met? I remember it perfectly. I was so very close. So very, very close to my last shred of sanity snipping. And then I saw a peculiar little girl in white dress – you. Your left hand was occupied by a tattered doll. Your right was wet from wiping your tears. Your eyes began to water again, but I caught it for you that time. I still had a shred of humanity left, gnawing at my heart's strings to care for you, to pity, and to comfort. You were scared by my face, but I mustered a smile, and told you not to fear. You told me that you were lonely, that you were unloved.
And from that point on, I never left your side.
Do you remember all those years ago – when I saved your life? I remember it perfectly. The cursed fellow had threatened you, and I had intervened. You were bigger, but still, I needed to protect you. He chased you up the tower,
ComposedComposed2 years ago in Sci-Fi More Like This
Auri jerks out of bed for a moment and glances around the her dark bedroom, waiting for her eyes to adjust. She sits up in bed and yawns before she reaches for the light switch on her lamp nearby when she hears a sudden creak of metal outside. The Four freezes for a moment and listens hard.
She hears the creak again only this time it is fainter, sounding off farther down.
Is someone trying to get in? the commander thinks to herself as she gets out of from under the warm covers. Once her bare feet hit the cold metal flooring, she's grateful she had slept in warm clothes. The winters at this base were brutal, the captain had told her and he was right. The Four reaches into her nightstand nearby and picks up her pistol before she pads quietly across the room to her door. She eases it open and glances out. Blue eyes squint into the darkness before she opens the door.
Silence greets the Spartan as she steps out into the dark hallway. She looks left and right before walking forw
Subjected in the shadow's: Chapter 1The feminine figure laid on her bed, examining the white walls of her quarters,seeing all the pictures that crest had drew for her.On these pictures where figures,two with black banged hair, one with white hair with silver streaks,and one with a red goatee,short hair,and a sinister hell-hound smile,like that of a hungry wolf stalking its prey,getting ready for the kill.Subjected in the shadow's: Chapter 13 years ago in Settings More Like This
She turned on her back and looked at the white ceiling,sighing.She began to close her eyes as everything around her went silent and dark.
She awoke in a forest that seemed endless.The trees where all dead,gray,lowering down sometimes.She picked herself up and began to walk trying to find anyone in this dead forest.Suddenly a figure was seen,a small girl.She came close to her and reached out for her.
It was no female,it was a silhouette of a young girl.She wore a white dress,and held a stuffed bear.She began running.
The female however looked at her hand,and saw a JERICHO MK IV claw.She saw it, she was in the Shinagami a
ODST Brotherhood prolugeWell...its been a year since reach....since i lost many friends and family,since i lost the love of my live,and...since i nearly lost my entire squad.But,i made a soul promise,i'd protect them with my life. I've had to many losses,but that ends this day.Heh listen to me rant i forgot to introduce myself, my name is Jack Christopher noeland.I'm and ODST (orbital drop sock trooper)i was a army soldier on reach....but thats past me now,i cant tell you the horrible memories i saw on that planet.Well anyways let me give you the rundown.Im a commander,and im with a unsc division thats always been known as the best of the best 1st disivion wolf pack.In second in command,and my right hand man,is my childhood friend,Dibs dubbo.He's austrailian,mean,and ready to kill the covenant,just the soldier i need for the second in command.He carries a pretty mean shotgun,its from when we where on reach,the special thing about it,is that it as tree barrels on it.He regrets what happened to us onODST Brotherhood proluge4 years ago in Settings More Like This
The Things You Can't SeeYou smile,The Things You Can't See2 months ago in Free Verse More Like This
And nobody else does.
And you're alone.
You always look so happy-
But I guess the most broken do, huh?
Nobody would guess
That you tell yourself every night
How great it'd be
Because nobody would care, right?
Before you let those thoughts
Cloud your mind-
And it's contagious
But you can't see that through the screen.
And so do millions
But you closed your eyes and missed it.
But you can't hear them beating.
I promise you,
You just can't see that.
Requiem: Death LettersRequiem: Death Letters4 years ago in Introductions & Chapters More Like This
Leeds is the first awake. Shadows of his dreams still echo in his eyes when he paces into the kitchen and startles her.
"You're too quiet." She smiles.
He doesn't. "Did you sleep?"
"I couldn't," she says.
He just nods. She pours him coffee. He drowns it in milk and sugar. They welcome the morning in companionable silence.
"I wanted to be there for him." It's a whisper. He stares at the coffee mug in his hands, seeing something very different. "I saw him get hit. I wanted to be there so bad. I would have gone in, but Vance held me back. Probably saved my life.
"Zack." He stops, almost overwhelmed, then forces himself to go on. "I would do anything for him. I would die for him. But I couldn't be there." His eyes are rimmed with tears.
She lays her hand over his.
Leeds wipes his face.
Ethe emptiness echoesE5 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
with each escape
this eluding energy
almost enough to end it all
do we try to educate?
or enable ethics?
have we encountered evil?
the easy elegance
the epic eclipse evermore
I envy the equality
the endless enigma
longing to be enamored
Fortitude And Faith“Nileas!” Ausrius bellowed again. He could find no trace of his fellow, even with his enhanced senses, and helmet overlay. No trace of the daemon either.Fortitude And Faith3 years ago in Introductions & Chapters More Like This
He surveyed the cavern again, slowly re-examining all the corners. He checked the load in his bolter, and advanced, weapon at the ready, continuing to scan in visible light, infrared, and wireframe overlay. The ripples and folds of the tunnel played tricks on the mind, casting odd shadows and concealing entire caverns behind seemingly solid formations of stone.
“Nileas,” he voxed again. “Brother, do you copy?” Likewise the dense rock played havoc with the vox net. He had no contact with his squad commander, or Imperial forces on the surface, and, up until a quarter-hour ago, only intermittent contact with his battle brother, and that plagued by static. Now it seemed that too was gone.
My Murderous FriendsDraw your swords you murderous men.My Murderous Friends4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Draw nigh with your arrows dipped in poison.
Let your lying lips come close to my ear.
Let your deceitful eyes meet mine.
The time has come once again.
The time to reveal your true nature.
You live to shed blood, my "friends".
You live to watch me suffer.
Come now, and pierce my heart once again,
with words that slaughter my very soul;
that cause my life to bleed out inside of me,
with rivers of tears that seem to have no end.
Come. Stare at my suffering,
with pitiless eyes that know no empathy;
with lips shaped in joyous smiles.
With laughter and joy, dance around my pain.
Your venomous words penetrate my being.
I stumble from all the pain of your poison.
Light and life is slowly drained.
Shrouding me in darkness
Have I pleased you now my "friends"?
In the midst of my pain, I see you laughing.
Surely my suffering was not in vain,
For you are happy.
The earth is made drunk by my blood.
Blood shed to satisfy your evil thirst.
You wield weapons t
The Problem with Self InsertsThe Problem with Self InsertsThe Problem with Self Inserts3 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
There is nothing wrong with inserting yourself into a story. Like anything, it can be well done or... not so well done. The fact is, the majority of people who tend to write about self inserts happen to be beginners. Naturally, that causes there to be a pattern of certain, specific mistakes that are frequently found whilst reading anything on the internet. The purpose of this deviation isn't to say that self inserts are bad. I'm simply going to point out the most common mistakes that we usually encounter.
1. Making ourselves better than we really are.
Don't be fooled by the word "better." This can be replaced with mysterious, deep, dark, tragic, romantic, lovable... anything we want. Maybe a mix of a few of those things. The point is, the version of ourselves will be biased.
2. Not making anything bad happen to yourself
Let's talk about the word "bad." Does this mean something, perhaps, like... getting a disease? No. It means anything that interferes with
Anti-Suicide LetterI'm going to keep on living because despite the chaos in the world, there is love and hope in the world. There is love and hope in myself. I've discovered my gifts, my special talents and I will use them to change the world for the better. My family has instilled in me lessons that are highly valuable and should not be wasted in Death. I could be living in the very dark times of the past but I'm here. I could be homeless and robbed of my senses but I'm not. I could have a careless family but I don't. The Divine has given me the gift of life and choice and I will respect, honor, and cherish those gifts.Anti-Suicide Letter9 months ago in Emotional More Like This
Mercenary 1-1MERCENARYMercenary 1-13 years ago in Introductions & Chapters More Like This
Chapter 1: Blood is Beauty
Release One: Pages 1 - 3
THE COLD AIR in Baron Rorke's study did little to calm his nerves. He was expecting visitors this night and they were not the best of company. A shiver of dread ran down his spine and he spent most of the twilight hours staring out of a large window which stood behind his writing desk. It was amazing, he felt, how quickly a man could become attached to a life of luxury; only to be made painfully aware of how easy it was to lose it. War was always a frightening thing, even more so when one had the knowledge and sense to realise that it was no longer an exercise of glory, but a simple festival of bloodshed and cold murder. In war it did not matter if you impaled a stranger on the edge of your sword, such a thing would be punishable in any city or country, but in times of war it became an accepted norm. If the man in front of you wore a different colour, then it was alright to kill him, it was alright to rip him apart fo
Death Battle: Luffy vs. PopeyeDeath Battle: Luffy vs. Popeye2 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
Ray: Alright, the combatants are set. Let’s settle this debate once and for all.
Steel: It’s time for a DEATH BATTLE!!!
All was calm as a massive galleon cruised across the ocean's surface, its lion-head bowsprit and straw-hat wearing Jolly Roger noticeable anywhere. From its deck, one could hear merry music from a fiddle, and the members of the crew either singing or dancing along to it.
Joining them in the festivities was the captain of this ship known to all as "Thousand Sunny". That captain was none other than the famed Straw-Hat Luffy.
The song came to an end and the skeletal fiddler took a bow, his art complete. If he had a proper face, he would have smiled at the cheers.
“WOW!” Luffy said with a broad smile, “Play it again!”
Yet as the crew celebrated, a simple-looking steamboat was coming across their path up ahead. At first, the crew paid no mind to it. That all changed because, just when the skeleton
AspirationsWe hang our aspirations among the hydrangeas;Aspirations9 months ago in Free Verse More Like This
we plant our longings with luminescent bulbs
of peacock blue and praying mantis green -
tinges of an environment, a planet flourishing.
And we urge our insights to prosper the same.
Swallow the soil and sip up the rain.
Zombie Country. Chapter 2.Zombie Country. Chapter 2.3 years ago in Introductions & Chapters More Like This
"Should we all go?" Splash asked.
"No, that'd be too dangerous." Vex sighed, he looked at Arya and then her body, Arya gave him a look and Vex caught it.
"No, no, maybe you should go because you're smaller." Vex suggested and Splash scoffed.
"But she's a female!"
"That doesn't matter. She's smaller so she has less a chance of being seen and-," Vex started but Splash cut him off.
"I don't care if she's smaller! I'm smarter!" Splash hissed.
"If zombies go after her, she probably has a chance of slipping between small spaces and getting away. Or even hiding." Vex hissed and Splash folded his arms.
Arya opened the back of the truck, the streets were deserted and a few of the shops windows had been smashed open. Vex handed her a large bag, "Just incase you find anything. Just get things that you think we'd need."
She slipped out of the truck with her bow in hand and the bag strapped to her back. Vex and Splash watched her as she pushed open the stores door gently and slid inside.
Principalities and Powers IINames MeaningPrincipalities and Powers II4 years ago in Settings More Like This
Beelzebub Lord of the Flies 2 Kings 1:2, Matthew 12:24
Belial Worthless &
Miyamoto Musashi's Poetrywe reconstruct the manMiyamoto Musashi's Poetry10 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
from shards of paper and pottery
(a shrike in ink
a small wooden bodhisattva
a practical treatise on swordplay)
he said his only teacher was Nature
which is a fine thing to say
when you're good at everything
they say he slew Ganryū
with a length of oar
he'd whittled on impulse into a sword
so much for the soul of the samurai:
not metal, flashing and hard
priceless and irreplaceable
only a discarded wooden spar
emerging from refuse
to refuse returning
and perhaps his poems were the same
nourished by earth and water
whispering an answer to wind
burbling off towards the long sea
and this is how history left him
and this is how I might find him:
an old man on a mountain
preparing future warriors for poetry
writing his way back
into the world that wrote him
when he emerges from his grotto to converse with the single scarred wholeness of the moon, I steal towards his poems and brush the pages across my hands, like reaching for a damselfly at rest, to see how his b
Subjected in the shadow's: Chapter 2Sayia walked through the halls,feeling the eyes of the oni soldiers upon her.It didn't phase,or spook her,in fact her presence spooked them,did she care?No sayia was used to people being afraid of her. She knew she had nothing to be afraid of,just loosing her fellow shinagami's.She had finally entered the shinagami's gathering room,where the shinagamis sat in chairs as the shadow projected a hologram showing their briefing, intelligence,enemy faction weapons and vehicles,and their targets.Sayia sat in her chair which overlooked the round room she stared down them watching them chat and converse,besides yuki who spent most of her time humming her mothers song she wrote for her when she was a little girl.Subjected in the shadow's: Chapter 23 years ago in Settings More Like This
Suddenly a silhouette appeared in the middle of them all, smoking a cigarette,it was their leader,the infamous ONI shadow.The leader of ONI
"Good evening shinagamis."he softly spoke,like a gentleman.
"Good evening shadow sir."they quietly replied.
Principalities and PowersThe angels that did not keep their proper domain Jude 1:6Principalities and Powers4 years ago in Settings More Like This
The angels who sinned II Peter 2:4
094- When trying to find a companion Star.Don't stand too close to the stars that shine the brightest.094- When trying to find a companion Star.7 months ago in Free Verse More Like This
Some day they'll burn out and become a supernova, then an ever-hungry black hole.
And you don't want to be anywhere near them when that happens.
Go for the dwarfs.
They may be small, but a heart of fire beats in all their cores.
Those are the stars that will shine the longest.