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25.

Journal Entry: Sat May 4, 2013, 9:26 AM




Cross-posted from my blog. The entry is a little bipolar, my emo and epic nerdy fangirling all rolled into one. You have been warned.

---

25.

Where do I even start? I'm glad to be alive.

It takes a lot of courage to put certain thoughts and feelings into words, too easy to be hurt for who we are, our heart's fragility can only withstand so much when it comes to our weaknesses, I think.

And so, I hadn't known how to write this, and I still don't exactly, not really. But last year -- getting over depression -- was surely the grandest achievement of me being 24 (and of course my doctor, who didn't even have to put me on antidepressants, thank you).

In many ways, I'd been afraid to write about it because I didn't want to jinx my recovery, it wasn't often I had something good like that. (Because you know, more than once, I'd thought that I was fine, just to find myself living in the very opposite of that the next months.)

It was a lot to take in, becoming… un-unhappy.

From my first memory of acute loneliness, to the first time I thought about death when I was four, a lifetime of problems to fix, all the normalcy I never knew and wondered about, that made me different, that nearly…

I hadn't known I suffered from traumatic stress, it went on for so long I'd accepted my feelings and nightmares as normalcy. So when I could see in my head, during my final session, the foundation blocks of my life and thoughts reslotting and rearranging, completely changing, I couldn't understand how it was possible. It was overwhelming and awe-inspiring. And terrifying.

It was as if I had become someone else, held in my hands the memories of someone I might have been, trying to understand it, feeling like an outsider; as if I were separated from that person's past by a wall of glass, I could look but not reach, nor feel.

It left me lost, like I'd finally emerged from the shadows into the sun, yet all that lay around me was vast indistinct land, and it didn't matter where I went. Until finally, and only because I was trying so hard to find something, anything at all, I felt the moment I left that dream place and came surface to air, and I realised with wonder, that I had healed.

If I could liken it to something, maybe, it's what a person's metamorphosis is like.


That was the most important thing that happened to me at 24.

Of course not discounting my move to New York, and the recent news that I was selected by Vogue Italia to be part of Photo Vogue's exhibition in Milan this June. And I saw Gundam Unicorn! Finally!! I haven't been able to lock away my closet nerdiness after that, because oh god, sick cockpit design is sick. I've been daydreaming about how to spend my first billion dollars (simulation room in my house!!), I even re-watched the series to take screenshots just so I can write a blog post about it. NERDY.

Also just finished Lymond Chronicles' book 4, it was SO emotionally brutal I nearly had a heart attack. Phillipa, my sixteen year old heroine. SO BRAVE. HOW?! She journeyed alone to find her friend's baby son in a foreign land, surrounded by dangers and traps and possible assassinations all the bloody way, and gave up her life to the seraglio just so she could protect the child's safety after she had found him. So freaking badass and so much courage! Why aren't there more people reading this together with me so we can fangirl and fanboy together!?!!

Don't judge me on the fangirling.

The secret to great personal work is being a fangirl. Only when I feel passionate can I create works passionately!


So 24 was an experience alright, here's hoping 25 will be even grander.

Thank you everyone for your encouragements and support and love, I hope I can continue to be a person you can be happy with and proud of. Happy birthday to me! :D

Jingna
May 4th, 2013

PS: Holy shit, 5 pages of birthday greetings, you guys are way too sweet. Love you dA :love:

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+Splash of Colors feature+

Journal Entry: Tue May 14, 2013, 8:22 AM
:icontincek-marincek:




Feature
And I'm back for the feature... oh my, I wasn't here for almost 2 weeks :omg: Sorry cuz of that, but I have to make ton of stuff for college, so I probably won't be here that much in next upcoming weeks. So I hope you can also wait for my new stuff which I draw (a little slowly...I paused process cuz of school ^^;).

But I also have great news for you. One of my newest drawings which I still draw, I record. So soon you'll be able to see on our YouTube account whole process how I draw my paintings. From sketch till finished piece. But I guess I'll have to post it in few parts (cuz I already draw it more than 14 hours and I just started :giggle:).

And here is the feature. I featured some amazing character and environment pieces by great artists all around dA. If you like these works, then fav them... and you can also :+fav: fav this article and help these artists, so they can get more attention. Thank you and I hope you enjoy this feature :hug: :heart:
Applibot Illustration 5 by alexnegreaLawak kampus X Fei Giap by FeiGiap
Vindictus 2 by ddal84
Female Sorcerer and Phantom Beast 2 by velinovDark Moon by fdasuarez
japanese suburb by Tonyholmsten
summer rain by viki-vaki2013 by MONQMONK
ImagineFX Issue 95 cover by dcwj
Queen by kidkidkidkidMythical Monsters cover by michalivan
Arriving to Arratha, City of Science by Matchack
Stowaways by jordangrimmerDark Queen Advanced by yigitkoroglu
Bioshock Infinite - Columbia entrance by Benlo
Howl by RossipooPhantom Beast - advanced by velinov
Ancient Mesopotamia by jbrown67
Loyal Pet Toto reg by Toru-meowShadroch  copy by Jon-Foster
Cave Entrance by crs1009
Pyrite Sun by balaawarrior of nature by kir-tat
Caves by SebastianWagner
Evening Sun by RichardDorran
New Heights by RichardDorranRuins by SnowSkadi
Urban Jungle by kuroe702
Horse Copy3 by jononeFace a Dragon by charro-art



And here is a huge feature...I featured amazing character and environment works by great artists here on dA. Check their paintings and support them. You can also support them by :+fav: faving this article, so they can get more attention. Thank you and enjoy this feature :heart:
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Fan Art Friday: Muppets

Fri Feb 27, 2015, 11:30 AM
Img-00a by techgnotic














The Muppets are celebrating their 60th birthday this year!


Jim Henson created the group of puppets back in 1955 for his first TV show, called “Sam and Friends.” Henson said the term Muppet had emerged from a combination of “marionette” and “puppet.” Henson’s wildly imagined collection of characters has been delighting children and adults with their absurd antics and comedic sketches ever since.


Muppets are not born in a day. They are carefully created through an extensive and creative process. Once the molding of the Muppet is complete, the real work begins. The puppeteers or “Muppet performers” can take up to a year to develop their characters and voices. A Muppet may be passed around to different puppeteers until they find their “perfect human–Muppet match.” You may have noticed almost all the Muppets are left–handed. That’s because the puppeteers operate the head with their right hand and operate the arm rod with their left hand.



Here’s a couple more fun facts about the Muppets’ origins you may not know


Kermit the Frog started his life as a lizard and eventually his character evolved into a frog. Miss Piggy was based on the singer Peggy Lee. In 1979, Miss Piggy’s puppeteer Frank Oz opened up to the New York Times about her rough childhood. He stated “She grew up in a small town in Iowa; her father died when she was young, and her mother wasn’t that nice to her. She had to enter beauty contests to survive, as many single women do. She has a lot of vulnerability which she has to hide, because of her need to be a superstar.”


Other famous inspirations for the Muppets include The Who’s Keith Moon, whom Animal (the drummer) is based on, Elton John, who inspired Electric Mayhem leader Dr. Teeth, and even Mick Jagger’s lips, which served as the model for Electric Mayhem’s guitarist Janice. Dustin Hoffman’s character in “Midnight Cowboy” was the inspiration behind Rizzo the Rat.












Muppets “Statler” and “Waldorf” get their names from the New York City hotels The Statler Hilton (now the Hotel Pennsylvania) and the Waldorf–Astoria Hotel.



Fozzie the Bear was named after Fraz Fazakas, the puppeteer who helped create the system that allowed Fozzie to wiggle his ears. Rowlf the dog was originally created for a Purina Dog Chow commercial in 1962 and soon after rose to fame on The Jimmy Dean Show.


During his life Jim Henson created over 200 Muppets with several of those rising to celebrity like status. His other well–known Muppets have starred in Sesame Street and Fraggle Rock. While their creator is no longer with us, The Muppets will live on to bring joy to all who tune in for a Muppet show. It’s not easy waiting for the next Muppet installment so while you hold tight for their next adventure to be announced, enjoy this wonderful collection of Muppet fan art.













I don’t care what you think of me, unless you think I’m awesome. In which case you are right.”


— Miss Piggy










Here’s some simple advice: always be yourself. Never take yourself too seriously. And beware the advice from experts, pigs, and members of Parliament.”


— Kermit the Frog










It seems the words on my coffee mug are right: ‘It is hard to soar with Eagles when you work with turkeys’.”


— Sam the American Eagle










What should you do if someone gives you a large boulder as a present? Take it for granite! Wocka! Wocka!”


— Fozzie Bear










Oh, I tell ya, Camilla, great plumbers are born, not made! I’m the prince of plungers, fair maiden!”


— Gonzo










Well, how do you like the film?


I’ve seen detergents that leave a better film than this.”


— Statler and Waldorf












Your Thoughts


  1. Who is your favorite Muppets character and why?
  2. What would you like to see in future editions of Fan Art Friday?













The Muppets are celebrating their 60th birthday this year! Jim Henson created the group of puppets back in 1955 for his first TV show, called ‘Sam and Friends.” Henson said the term Muppet had emerged from a combination of “marionette” and “puppet.” Henson’s wildly imagined collection of characters has been delighting children and adults with their absurd antics and comedic sketches ever since.

Author: spotted

For more articles like this, visit depthRADIUS.
Want to submit any ideas, suggestions, collections, or an existing work for consideration for the Today page? We'd love to look at it. Email us at share@deviantart.com
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Street photographer Henri Cartier-Bresson called it the “decisive moment”— the captured instant when all the photograph’s elements come together to tell a story in a way a text narrative of thousands of words could never begin to. It is what hooks people, both practitioners and advocate-devotees, on the art form. It is uniquely completely immersive in life— step out into the streets— in which the moment of artistic epiphany can never be guessed at until it suddenly happens. When it is properly mastered, it is as pure as the dawn of each new day, as true as the living organism of a teeming street scene catching a breath as one.


It's no easy task to pull a book together for publication and "The New Street Photographer's Manifesto" currated by Tanya Nagar (`tanya-n) is an excellent first effort for a first time book editor and publisher. Let's celebrate this devious success story with an interview and feature on all of the artists involved.
















It embraces and runs with the idea that in street photography the best camera is the one that you're holding, whether it be a mobile phone or dSLR. This perspective makes the book, and the genre-at-large, accessible to everyone. My photos that are included in the book reflect this as some were taken with a film RF, some a digital EVF, and some a phone. I feel truly honored to have been asked to participate in The New Street Photographer's Manifesto, especially since I am a believer in its core concept.

Brian Quentin Webb
bQw















The street was my school of photography and i wish i had had the opportunity to read a book like Tanya's at the time i started taking photos, it would've saved me a lot of time figuring out what was good and what wasn't! Although it gives a very wide range of how street photography can be like, the quality of each reference or contributor is really inspiring and i'm honored to be part of this book.

Charlotte Gonzalez
Gonzale











Interviewwith Tanya Nagar




1



techgnotic:
What is it about capturing a moment in time on “the street,” a record of a single blink in what is a daily river torrent of information flowing over our most surface human interactions? Why is this important?


tanya-n:

I've always had a fascination with different cultures and human behaviour. I studied Psychology at university as a result, and found that photography is a way of being able to document human behaviour in the most obvious and simplest form. It's subjective and objective at the same time and the possibilities are endless. For me street photography is about observing and capturing the fleeting every day moments all around us, which can so easily be lost among the noise of daily life.






2



techgnotic:
What is so enjoyable about what you do?


tanya-n:

What appeals to me most about this type of photography is the spontaneity of it; you can't predict what's going to happen on "the street". It's impossible to get bored of it because there is literally so much to capture which could be lost in the blink of an eye. It's challenging, requires quick reactions and when done right, can produce some fascinating insights into the world around us, which most people may ordinarily ignore or not notice. I love capturing those kind of scenes - the ones that are a true reflection of our society.




















A few years ago, one of the only places I could look to for quality, contemporary street photography was deviantART. At this point, the only books out there on the subject were very outdated and didn't feature modern life at all. Seeing the work of Tanya and Severin on dA inspired me, whilst getting feedback on my own images was a big step in my progression. It's amazing that I can now walk into my local bookshop and see our images together in print. I think the book is a great resource for beginners of the medium and I hope it gives others the confidence to get out with their cameras and share their visions.

Claire Atkinson
hardtomakeastand









3



techgnotic:
What is it not so enjoyable, that has ever made you consider giving up photography (at least of the street variety)?


tanya-n:

I don't think I've ever felt anything negative towards street photography. It's a lifestyle more than something I consciously aim to do. I don't decide 'OK today I'll do some shooting'. I try to have my camera with me when I'm out and about, and some days I'll shoot a lot, and other days nothing at all.






4



techgnotic:
Have you ever felt you were in real danger?


tanya-n:

I've had people threaten me before and once got pushed by someone (not a subject but another photographer at a protest I was shooting), but on the whole I restpect and reason with people who object to being photographed. I just don't see the point of arguing - why would I want a photo of a moment that's now lost because the subject has objected? I've shot in supposedly dangerous parts of India, the West Bank and Uganda, but so far haven't been faced with anything too serious.


The one time I was in real danger (through my own doing!) was when I was hanging out of a moving train in India trying to shoot a man a carriage down who was also leaning out of the train. I was using a manual film camera and had to focus, compose and shoot using one hand, while holding onto a pole with my other hand. Trains in Mumbai don't have doors (security is lax, to say the least!) yet I didn't really register the danger until after - I guess adrenaline takes away fear in these situations.
















5



techgnotic:
What is the main equipment you use?


tanya-n:

I've mainly used a Canon 350D digital SLR and a Nikon F3 film SLR. I also have a Canon 5D which is heavier and bulkier but I absolutely love using the 50mm f/1.8 lens to its full-frame potential on it. The 50mm f/1.8 is my favourite lens on both film and digital. For street you don't need fancy equipment - the aim is to capture raw moments as they are, so using HDR photography kind of defeats the purpose.





7



techgnotic:
What is your next project – and how will it involve your fellow community members of deviantART.


tanya-n:

I'm working on a couple of other book ideas - slightly different but not completely unrelatted to street photography - and I've already been in talks with some deviantArt members about this as I really feel their work should be showcased and is a valuable source of information to others. So watch this space!








6



techgnotic:
How did deviantART and the dA community help in propelling your artistic inaterests forward? Tell us about creating and publishing your book on street photography.


tanya-n:

DeviantART was initially my biggest inspiration when I started off shooting, as I hadn't developed any notable style and was still at the point of not even knowing what I enjoyed photographing. It's where I discovered street photography, and I spent a lot of time back then communicating with other photographers in the dA chat rooms and talking about photography. It was a forum where I could experiment, debate, get feedback and advice from like-minded people, which was hugely important in my development as a photographer.


The majority of contributors in my book are also members of deviantART, a number of whom I've had the pleasure of meeting and shooting with in person.


The book itself came about as I wanted to bring street photography to a wider audience - not just people who necessarily spend time online in search of information. A publisher was interested in my work and book idea, and it all took off from there.

















Street photographer Henri Carter-Bresson called it the “decisive moment”— the captured instant when all the photograph’s elements come together to tell a story in a way a text narrative of thousands of words could never begin to. It is what hooks people, both practitioners and advocate-devotees, on the art form. It is uniquely completely immersive in life— step out into the streets— in which the moment of artistic epiphany can never be guessed at until it suddenly happens. When it is properly mastered, it is as pure as the dawn of each new day, as true as the living organism of a teeming street scene catching a breath as one.

Writers: $techgnotic
Designers: $marioluevanos
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College Life

Journal Entry: Tue Feb 26, 2013, 12:19 PM







I don't really talk too much about my daily life on dA since I didn't want to spam everyone with constant horror stories of my time in the kitchen (which is why I do that on fb www.facebook.com/FisheyePlaceb… instead) but today, I would like to share some of the extra "special" moments during my college life (even though I graduated already).


coconut notice

When upstairs neighbors are being very loud, the most effective method is to leave an angry coconut at their door ;)



pear pizza

When life gives you pears, cut them into ducks and bake them into pizza~



I am the 1%

When the Occupy movement swept through campus, make sure the fridge participates.



Art history like a boss

When assigned to go to a museum for Art History, take detailed notes of the kinky nipple biting eagles.



wtf is this

When roommate cooks something that cannot be described with words...



rage quit sink

When the new apartment sink rage quits...



Trust me, I'm an artist

When I got the bright idea to create an aquaponics system in my bedroom... which later flooded the carpet... (Trust me, I'm an engineer artist.)



best idea ever

When I, genius extraordinaire, decided to pour hot oil back into the bottle to save oil but created modern art instead.



cutest poop machine

When walking by the dumpster resulted in getting pooped on by this little hummingbird defending her nest.



over 9000

When life gives you tangerines, activate the ancient Chinese art of tangerine stacking which has been passed down through the Yan family for ~over 9000~ generations.  To this day, whenever the harvest is bountiful, it is the duty of the first born child to take on the arduous task of stacking tangerines in honor of our ancestors.

Just kidding! Stacking tangerines is fun. I have no excuse.


...like an artist.


(and lastly, if you can stomach a video of my accidental elastic mashed potatoes... click here to view on fb www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=2… )



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Sword and dagger of Rai - Lamento Tutorial

Journal Entry: Tue Feb 14, 2012, 2:13 PM






Swiish!

Tonight I'm going to continue my daily prop tutorials with some basic sword and dagger making.

What do we need:

-Cardboard (thick one, around 3mm-4mm)
-Carpet knife
-Black fake leather (half meter)
-Some paper balls which you get from a crafts store
-Thread
-Normal paper glue and hot glue
-One wooden stick (1cmx1cmx1m)
-Dremel or similar machine
-Cotton wool fabric
-Citadel paints, black, golden and silver.
-Small brush

And a few hours of free time!

Our mission is to make these two props, a sword and a dagger!
(right on the photo) Google Lamento - Rai if you wanna know more about the original.

rai0

We will start with drawing the patterns on a paper or straight on the cardboard sheet:

rai1

Then we can continue with cutting 'em out:

rai2

And after that comes a tricky part:

rai4

We have to cut all the edges oblique, so when we glue them together it will look like a sharp sword edge. Got it? And also, we have to make one line in the center of the sword. Cut a 5mm wide straight line in both of the pieces. Carve it out in triangle shape, V-shaped. That photo will help a lot. It's a bit hard to explain.

rai5

After that, glue the stick in the middle (hot glue).
And also glue both parts of the sword together.

rai7

Then! We take out our fake leather and cut it half. Paper glue mixed with 20% of water.
Brush glue everywhere and attach the fake leathers in the sword. Let it dry overnight.

Shoud look like this:

rai8

Next day we cut out the left-overs:

rai10

Cool black sword, eh? :D

Now, the next part requires some balls... White balls:

rai9

I dunno what these are called. Made some funny things out of 'em when I was younger.
Anyway the point is to cut few of them in half and construct the base shape of a handle.
Use glue and stuff to attach.

rai11

Then we stretch some fake leather on it. Put glue everywhere on your balls and strech the leather.
Use thread to make it stay put.

Then:

rai12

Some cotton wool fabric. To make the handle feel nice in your palm. Soft and nice... :D

Use hot glue and attach nice amount of fake leather of different shapes in the handle:

rai13

Sword guard is an easy one. Just cut out a good guard shape and glue it to the sword. Cover with fake leather. Also, use your dremel and shape those small pointy objects out of the wooden stick for the guard part.

Next thing is to use these same methods and make a dagger! :

rai15

Then, paint the sword. I used miniature paints by Citadel.
Small brush and three different paints: Gold, black and silver.

rai14

Paint the dagger also:

rai16

Look pretty and gay in your tight leather pants:

rai18

rai17

READY!

Thanks! :D Btw, any questions?
Just ask me! ^^ And don't take prop making too seriously. <3

-Elffi

  • Reading: Game of Thrones
  • Watching: Fairy Tail
  • Drinking: Gl&ouml;gi&auml; perkele!
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Img-og by techgnotic














The main difference between the Western and Chinese zodiacs is that in the West, each month of the year has its own sign, whereas the Chinese zodiac is made up of 12–year cycles, with each year having its own sign.


The date of the Chinese New Year differs annually, reflecting the second new moon after the winter solace, (falling usually between January 21 and February 19). In this year of 2015, the Chinese New Year begins on February 19. And the celebration lasts for 15 days (!), the New Year being the most important Chinese holiday. 2.8 billion trips are underway to reunite families across China. About one–sixth of the world’s population will be celebrating the holiday. Both London and San Francisco lay claim to having the biggest celebrations outside of China.


What are “goat–people” supposed to be like? According to the Chinese zodiac, people born in these years are “kind and peace–loving.” They are elsewhere described as “tender, polite and kind–hearted.” Their strengths include tendencies toward being considerate, hard–working and persistent. Their weaknesses include tendencies toward being indecisive, pessimistic and weak–willed. “Goats” tend to be quiet, gentle and compassionate. Michelangelo and Mark Twain were goats. Current goats include Bruce Willis, Nicole Kidman, Julia Roberts and Claire Danes.


Red is the color of the Chinese New Year, especially in elaborate costumes. The color red terrifies “Nian,” the mythical dragon–like monster you see serpentining through the city streets. The children throw fireworks at him. He’s scared of those, too. The one–two punch of flamboyant dancers in red and firecrackers in the face drives Nian back down his wormhole into the bowels of the Earth for another year.


The icons of the Western Zodiac are based on celestial star constellations. How were the twelve animals of the Chinese Zodiac derived? Buddha put out word he wanted to meet with all the Earth’s animals, but only twelve heeded his call. As a reward, each was given a year in Buddha’s 12–year zodiac cycle in which all the babies born would bear traits of the reigning animal, who would also serve as their spiritual guide in life.
















According to popular Chinese sayings, the New Year brings good luck, money, prosperity and longevity.”











The Chinese New Year is celebrated for 15 days, with each day holding a separate meaning.”











The phrase ‘Happy New Year’ in Chinese is ‘Gung Hei Fat Choi’ which means May You Have Good Fortune.”











The festivities are incomplete without firecrackers as it is believed that they scare off evil spirits.”











Children in China receive red envelopes filled with cash as gifts on New Year's Day.”











Each year of the Chinese New Year is named after one of 12 animals, repeating in 12–year cycles. The list in order is: rat, ox, tiger, rabbit, dragon, snake, horse, goat, monkey, rooster, dog, and pig.”


















The main difference between the Western and Chinese zodiacs is that in the West, each month of the year has its own sign, whereas the Chinese zodiac is made up of 12-year cycles, with each year having its own sign. The date of the Chinese New Year differs annually, reflecting the second new moon after the winter solace, (falling usually between January 21 and February 19). In this year of 2015, the Chinese New Year begins on February 19. And the celebration lasts for 15 days (!), the New Year being the most important Chinese holiday. 2.8 billion trips are underway to reunite families across China. About one-sixth of the world’s population will be celebrating the holiday. Both London and San Francisco lay claim to having the biggest celebrations outside of China.


For more articles like this, visit depthRADIUS.
Want to submit any ideas, suggestions, collections, or an existing work for consideration for the Today page? We'd love to look at it. Email us at share@deviantart.com
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Brought to Life: Nintendo Cosplay

Journal Entry: Wed Nov 6, 2013, 1:20 PM
Nintendo defined so many of our childhoods. It's a fun thing to see all of the characters we grew up with come to life, with the effort of these fantastic cosplayers. 

Team Rocket by Ryoko-demon
Saria's Song by akuriko
Princess Peach on the run by DigitalHikari
Princess Zelda Cosplay 3 - TLOZ Twilight Princess by SusanEscalante
Metroid - Zero Suit Samus by YukilefayLuigi by Nintentoys
Link by mrkittycosplay
Ness gets SHROOMED by VampBeauty
Ganondorf by adaman77
Samus Cosplay by kalaspuff
Skull Kid by IgorTodd



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Hey people, how are you coping with the coming winter (for my friends in the US and Europe and anywhere that is gonna be buried in 10ft of snow in the next couple of weeks. First of all, its Movember so men, grow that moustaches to support the event to raise awareness for prostate cancer in guys. I grew mine...well sort of:yumegawa.tumblr.com/post/35685…

Second of all is I want to thank all of you for following me in my 30 Day Challenge thing. If you want to try it out yourself please check out Sachin Teng's tumblr:sachinteng.tumblr.com/post/258…
His work is inspirational and obviously influenced the stuff I did. I wish I can meet him in person someday if I go to NY.
Apologies for some responses or comments during that period of time that I didn't reply to as I was in knee-deep of assignments and projects. (Which is now all done thankfully) Thank you for being bloody patient with me and being bloody persistent watchers as well. Every time I see the numbers skyrocketed I just ask myself: "Jeez, where are all these people come from?"  But seriously, you all are awesome. I never expected to grow that much cause back in 2006 I said: "I'll just make a gallery to store my artwork and might not use it at all." How wrong I was.

Third is a big, heartfelt thank you to all of you, (and to those I know personally - you know who you are) for keeping me strong, for believing in what I do, and for supporting me either with good and bad opinions, feed backs, quirky (sometimes annoying comments), or simply being inspired in my work and the occasional humor. But I cannot thank you enough for all the positive responses in my coming out. For those of you who are concerned, no, my parents or my family members didn't take the news that easy, it is tough on me, its tough to all of them as well. I don't want to lie to them, and I don't want to keep secrets away from my family, and the truth always hurts.

My parents, they are the best that any child could have. I'm always grateful for them. They are my teachers, my best friends and my world. I've seen them in their best and in their worst of times. We go through tough times and even tougher than this. They don't deserve to be kept in a lie and as painful as it sounds, I had to tell them, one way or another. I was prepared for the blows, the hate, whatever, if they disown me, the works; but I will still forgive them because they are my parents and I do not want any ills or grudges between us when we all leave this life to the next.

I was always emotionally distant from them because of this secret and I don't know what's worst, to keep the lie till their death beds or to tell them truth. I never meant to hurt them. But keeping the secret for 15 years is terrible especially in my homeland, (not Australia) where being out is frowned upon and possible condemnation (and death). I know I was gay since 12. I am very aware of that. I wasn't in a 'phase' or confused at all. I know it all along. I tried to hide it by having girlfriends - nope still doesn't work.

It was this secret that led me to a near suicide (no joke and suicides are stupid and selfish so don't do that), reluctantly become a Christian and out of it, and bouts of depression later in my working life. I drown myself in work, to distract myself and always angry at myself and the people around me. I was a time bomb.

The only person in the family I share this is with my younger brother Dennis. He is my best friend, THE best friend I have. There's a few shitloads of times I cried in front of him because of this. He's always supportive (at times). He did warn me alot of times that I'll make mom cry. Derrick my second younger brother I don't know how he feel towards me right now but I know he's upset with me too. I know my little sister is angry with me. I don't blame her and I accept if she doesn't want to speak to me again, because I was her role model. But how can I be a role model, if I'm not true to myself?

So, what is done is done, as my mom told me. The only thing we can look to is forward - better or worst.

Now to clear some things up, just because I'm out doesn't mean I won't kick your ass. I'm still a dude, dude. (still angry often at times) And I will not hesitate to hurt you so don't fuck with me. I do not tolerate bullying, especially towards children; and I do not like to see flaming and death threats just because someone is fat, or because they are in different color or beliefs or just because they are gay, lesbian or bi. (you all are fine, I know you all are awesome here and strangely nice to each other).

I do not flaunt, or want to make a big deal out of being gay. Big deal, its over! Its back to artworks and studies. You want to party, go to the midsumma in Melbourne. I prefer to keep low profile and just chill. My gallery is more of a chill out spot so yeah, just chill.

I keep this gallery clean from pornography or any explicit material and no I will not draw those stuff either because my younger cousins and siblings sometimes check my site out. I have families that look into my stuff here as well. I know there are mild adult jokes in some of my comics but I'll let the parents explain to their kids when they are older. So please respect my boundaries and I'll do the same for yours.

So yeah, its been a crazy November for me, and I'm deeply sorry if I offended any of you, or if there is alot of misunderstandings between us. I'm sorry. I know i can be a prick at times. Thank you all, and love you all. And love one another.

Daryl Toh Liem Zhan
  • Mood: Neutral
  • Listening to: Bonobo - Kong
  • Reading: Enchiridion
  • Watching: Adventure Time - The Lich
  • Playing: A Flute to Jake
  • Eating: Sandwich with Billy
  • Drinking: The Fear of the unknown
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Competition!

Tue Jan 8, 2013, 1:43 AM
I've decided to have my first competition here at DeviantArt.

Most of my pictures are from the area of my hometown, so you guys have gotten to know a little bit about the place I live. I am interested in your hometown now.
I want you to show me a photograph from where you live. I encourage you to be creative about this.

---How to participate---

*Send me a message with a link to the picture with a short description of where and what.

---Rules---

*The competition is exclusive to my watchers.
*You must be the photographer of your submission.
*I'll only accept one submission each participant, additional submissions will be ignored.

The competition last until February 24th (2013!).

---Prizes---

*1st place
a 16 x 24 inch (41cm x 61cm) photoprint of any of my deviations (winners choice). In addition I will feature the image throughout March.

*2nd place
a 12 month premium membership. In addition I will feature the image throughout March.

*3rd place
a 6 month premium membership. In addition I will feature the image throughout March.

---Who decides who's winning?---
I will decide this myself, but if I'm in doubt I'll get a second opinion from Trichardsen


Should there be any questions, feel free to ask them in this journalpost as others might be wondering about the same thing.

I'm looking forward to seeing your submission :)


Kind regards and good luck!

Tor

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