Hello. I'm your left shift key. You know, on your keyboard? I think it's time we had a little chat.
See, I think I have things better than some others I know. Like my friends P, A, I, and N you know those keys? - well, they've been feeling used. Whenever you open up Microsoft Word, they just start groaning because they feel your poetry coming. Me, though, I guess I'm just feeling ignored. Unappreciated. You know the feeling? I know you do. I saw that poem about your family. Tough stuff, right there. I feel you, I really do.
I know you feel all deep without me. Like the restraints I put upon you shackle your inner poet. I'm not uncool. Believe me, I am down with the youngsters. And I know the time it takes to capitalize could cause your conversation about your English teacher to Tanya to drag. I am the most understanding key on your keyboard, believe me. Not like Insert. Believe me, that guy's a total asshole. But I just think you really haven't considered all the dynamics our relationship could have. Like, I know sometimes you use Caps Lock when you're really angry at someone. Remember that time Mike told you to wear deodorant? Well, that's just one of the many functions I could also offer. Anger.
But that's not all. You too could write poems and not get compared to "a bad e. e. cummings" every single time! Of course, you'd have to stop doing that thing at the end of your poem where you keep indenting lines (ol' Tab, I'm sorry to say, is getting a little sick of that) and you might find it advantageous to actually read some other poetry, but I'm just saying it could work. Also, people will think you're smart if you start using me in your Facebook statuses. Know that cute boy in your history class you saw reading a copy of Catcher in the Rye? Well, he thinks people that use me are the most attractive girls of all. Try it. See if it works.
So I'm hoping we can maybe try this thing out soon. I guess I'm a little restless. If we run out of things to do, we can make fun of Right Shift Key. Dude's totally useless, am I right?
With deepest regards,
Left Shift Key