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dear you:

there are storm clouds in your eyes
and all the warning signs
are pointing to destruction.

the cracks marring your cheeks
are oozing pus
and lies
and your makeup coverings have failed you.

you're falling apart
and screaming through every minute
and don't you see?

you've lost pounds of soggy eyelashes
and your skin is leaking pigment,
and god,
i only want to help you,
but you don't see yourself the way i do.

dear mirror girl:

i'm not happy with your grin.

it's much too fake;
a sloppy paint job
with no hope of ever changing.

you have rings around your eyes
and all you care to do is stare in desolation,
but don't you get it?

i'm tired of this lie.

take your hands out of your pockets
and wipe those tear-stains from your cheeks,

there are more important things
than beauty sleep
and relaxing baths
and that drawing in the corner.

wake up
and smell reality:
the rain falls everywhere,
not just on you.

dear me:

stop squashing your heart.

i realize it's fragile
and it's broken
and it hurts...

but please...

i need it to breathe.

stop choking me with tears
and guilt
and apologies...

and just let me breathe.

I'm being a bit hard on myself me thinks.

Ah well, it's something, at least.

April 2010


Please check out:

the places we keep our hearts

by :iconpaperheartsyndrome:
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a lover Pained
a lover Hurt
a lover Saddened-
a lover Curt.

a lover Stained
a lover Lied
a lover Sent To-
a lover Cried.

a lover Trained
a lover Bored
a lover Let Go-
a lover Stored.

a lover Tainted
a lover Tried
a lover Scorned-
a lover Died.
ah the lover...the secrets...the affair...the sorrow\\.lolz I wrote this trying to think of the negative properties of a lover.~~
tell me your thoughts.^^
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Today I woke and saw my window as every morning...

The same sky was outside, the same houses, the same people...

Yet the feeling inside me was slighty different...

I have a beating heart... that sometimes wants to bleed so hard...

I have my love far away from my touch...

The sadness aproacches me and I feel depress...

I see my sky once more, with this bleeding feelings of love all around me, and I think...

How lucky I am...

Somehow I see the world being full of art, so pretty, yet so open...

I feel free even when I feel that my hearts travels millions of miles to be right were it wants...

I feel so alive...

Everything inspires me, from the tick rain, to the burning sky, because I see the world as an open door...

Chances to have fun, chances to make love. chances to hold on...

Even when I cry I can feel the art coming trought my heart...

The fear of losing the love inside my heart gets lost when I see his pretty eyes and hear his beatiful voice...

I know I love him.. I know I miss him.. I know I want him...

I feel the desire coming all over my skin and I feel so alive...

So complete...

The knowing of this love has made my heart began to write once again and feel the freedom between the sheets that marks the time...

I have no time... I have no sense... I feel nothing but pure art...

Love is freedom and the freedom inside the love makes the soul flies like a beatiful bird you only get the chance to see above the sky getting away...

Such a higher feeling... such a higher thought...

I can be everywhere I want and still feel the music in my mind playing its beautiful sound....

I can share myself to the world and still be all his...

Yes my love is the open world and a single man all in once...

Yes I love myself so much and feel so free and still I love him complety and feel so his...

I feel so sad to have him so far.. I feel so dry because I cant touch him or feel his skin agaisnt mine...

But even so I feel so alive... I feel so full of love and passion inside...

The love inside frees the mind and the soul and gives us winds to fly...

To share the everything and the nothing at all and always feel happy to be alive...
I woke up feeling so inspire I hope someone reads it and likes it as much as I liked it
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“I have a riddle for you,” you said, and I smiled,
twisting my hair in my fingers.
“good. I like riddles.”
“if there’s a worm,” you said, “stuck at the bottom of a thirty-foot well,
and every day he climbs two feet up and
every night he slides one foot down – ”
“he gets out of the well on the twenty-ninth day,” I said.
“I know that one.
I have one for you.”
you sat back a little and your lips twitched.
“okay,” you said, hesitantly.
“if there’s this relationship,” I said,
“stuck in a huge rut,
and every day it takes one step forward and
three steps back,
when does it reach the point that I can trust you again?”
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A woman waiting by the window,
Statue held by bated breath
No letters yet, no news of death.

The draft has come and cleared the board,
Of all but Bishops, Knights and Queens.
The Pawns have gone to play abroad,
And die in budget battle scenes.

To fall with phosphor flashing rounds
The Draft has come, Oh empty towns.
For SirBret's competition


The Draft has come, oh empty towns.
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I really hate to say this
(HAH! What are we, ten?)
I'm not sure that this is working
(I don't WANT to be your friend!)
Everything has gone downhill
(I blame this shit on you!)
I need to work some problems out
(I know exactly what to do)
So what have you been doing?
(Who did you sleep beside last night?)
How's your life been lately?
(How does her hair look in the light?)
I completely understand
(but can I strangle you just for fun?)
I'm happy as long as you are
(I hope you know that we are done.)
So why did you call me?
(Can't you leave me the Hell alone!?)
It was nice of you to think of me
(Should I disconnect my phone?)
Oh, so did you get my email?
(Do I have to block you as well?)
Have I gotten annoying yet?
(because you're putting me through Hell.)
Yeah, we had some good times.
(Why won't you let me forget?!)
Oh yeah, I remember saying that!
(Aren't you tired of this yet?)
Yeah, maybe we'll try it again
(Don't you see that I don't care?)
Okay, we'll see if it works out.
(Come near me? Don't you dare!)
What exactly are you saying?
(Don't pull that "innocent" shit.)
I'm not sure I understand
(In fact, I doubt I believe it.)
Were you telling me the truth?
(How many more lies can you dish out?)
I know I'm being quiet
(would you prefer I fucking shout?)
I don't have that much to say
(If I talk, I'll lose control.)
No, nothing exciting has happened
(except another guy now owns my soul.)
So what do you want to talk about?
(How about all of your little lies?)
No, I haven't met anyone
(haha, are you going to be surprised.)
Yeah, sure, of course we're still friends...
(you're not the only one good at pretending)
No, of course I'm not mad at you
(because I'm glad this is finally ending.)
I'll talk to you later, have fun until then!
(I have the strength to let go and move on.
I know that you'll keep popping into my life,
but you can't tear me down if I'm already gone.

So goodbye Prince Charming, I'm walking away,
I no longer want to live with this doubt.
I'll let someone else take care of your shit.

Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out.)
So I think this was partially inspired by "So Yesterday," by Hilary Duff.

The normal sections are the things that I said, the italicized are the things I guess I was supposedly thinking as this conversation occurred. I was a snotty one, wasn't I?

Written in April 2004/2005
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