UntarnishedHe thought he was funny.Untarnished8 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
"This is a frigging stupid class," he'd say to me. "It's stupider than…your mom."
And his voice would trail off and be lost in a sea of pages flipping and pencils scratching, because nobody cared about the kid spewing crap in the corner.
It was to his advantage that the seating chart had placed him in the back of the room. He liked to lay back, balance his chair precariously against the wall, then throw his feet up on the table. It was his thinking time, he explained, because of the two classes he was taking that semester, AP English was the one he could afford to slack off in. I never really understood the logic in this, but I gave a neutral nod. It was easier that way.
One day, however, I asked him what exactly ran through his mind during his "thinking time".
"I wonder about what's going to happen to me after I die," he replied. "Is there a heaven? Is there a hell? I doubt it, but somehow, being put in the ground in a box and having that be the end of
do you even hear yourself?he declares himself a feministdo you even hear yourself?1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
"in the purest sense of the word"
and expects every woman to prove that
(to him, specifically)
she is worthy of equal respect
TLK3 Revenge OfThe DarkOnes P7TLK3 Revenge OfThe DarkOnes P73 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
Morning came quickly to the Pride Lands, but the storm continued to rage on making the morning sky dark with its clouds. Many of the lions and lionesses lay there, stomachs growling with hunger, hoping the storm would cease so they could hunt.
Simba lay at the entrance of the den, watching the power and rage of the storm. His eyes were heavy as he watched, shaking off the sleep that kept trying to overpower him. He had barely slept a wink throughout the night, for the events that took place the evening before would creep into his thoughts, making him unable to sleep. Nala woke to see that her mate wasn't by her side. She scanned the den until she spotted him watching the storm outside. She got up and smiling gently went to greet him good morning. Once she reached him, she gently nuzzled her head against his startling Simba.
"O you startled me Nala. I hope you slept well." Simba said as he returned his gaze outside.
"Yes my dear, but judging by your eyes I can assume you didn't.... Is e
The Rules of FanfictionThe Rules of FanfictionThe Rules of Fanfiction3 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
Writing fanfiction is a complex thing. I should know, as I have written a lot of it in my time. Over the course of it, I've learned a lot of stuff, either on my own or from external sources. Here, I'll try and explain to you several general rules for writing it, making use of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic to explain it better.
Rule one: Do not demonize characters, nor make them into saints.
Many people seem to be of the opinion that rather then a benevolent monarch, Celestia is a cruel dictator on par with Hitler. On the opposite end of the scale, a lot of people seem to believe that Discord was a harmless prankster or a psychotic genocidal madman. All of these are utterly wrong. Reinterpretation of characters is fine, but turning Faust into Jesus simply isn't going to work.
Rule two: Hardship is fine, but don't go overboard.
In the show, the characters do have to go through a lot in order to succeed. This is fine; without conflict,
Life Lessons From Bella Swann1. You should always address your parents by their first names.Life Lessons From Bella Swann4 years ago in Philosophical More Like This
2. Pay no attention to the kids at school. No matter how friendly they are, no matter how many times the girls invite you to sit with them at lunch and team up with them on the weekends, no matter how many times the boys ask you out, you know you're stupid, ugly, clumsy, and totally worthless.
3. Your problems are everybody's problems. Whatever affects you should affect them in every aspect.
4. With boyfriends, it's all about physical looks. It doesn't matter if they're pushy, meddlesome, pretentious, self-absorbed, and dictatorial, as long as they're insanely attractive.
5. Edward is hot. Edward is beautiful. Edward is gorgeous. Edward is perfect. Edward is hot. Edward is every girl's dream come true. Edward shines like a thousand diamonds. Edward is hot. Edward is inhumanly handsome. Edward is eye-catching. Edward is an angel and a devil all rolled into one. Did I forget to mention Edward is hot?
6. It's inherently wrong
Fat GirlI am the girl with the pretty faceFat Girl3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Who 'could be so beautiful'
I had to develop a personality
Had to become funny and likeable
Had to perfect the art of the one-minute introduction
And I am not lovely
I am personable
I am not the ingénue
I am the character actress
I will say "yes."
That is what separates us from the pack.
We will say "yes."
And we will make jokes at our own expense
We will learn to laugh when someone pokes our belly
We will flirt without fear
Because we've already been shot down so many times
That what is one more rejection?
We will live life like others cannot
Full of reckless abandon
And joy and fun and laughter
Because the quickest way to learn to not give a fuck
Is to be one of us
For we have been so downtrodden
We have been so shamed
That we've grown callouses on our BMIs
And if you call me fat,
I will laugh and say, "Obviously."
Darling, if you wear your pain like armor
No one can use it to hurt you
And in the end, we will all be the same
And we will all fee
Anti-Choice Pity PropagandaThe Scientifically Correct Version of the Pro-Forced-Birth PieceAnti-Choice Pity Propaganda5 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
I am only 8 inches long but I have all my organs.
I love the sound of your voice.
Every time I hear it I wave my arms and legs.
The sound of your heart beat is my favorite lullaby.
You're only about the size of an apple seed.
A tiny ball of cells with a few folds of tissue.
Your organs haven't all formed yet.
You can't hear or feel anything yet.
You shouldn't even be talking.
You need a developed brain for that.
Today I learned how to suck my thumb.
If you could see me you could definitely tell that I am a baby.
I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though.
It is so nice and warm in here.
What ? But how? You don't even have a mouth to open yet.
Your fingers are coming in, yes, but they aren't fully developed.
Actually, they still have some webbing between them.
Why am I even talking to a voice that came from nowhere?
Is this part of the trauma that com
How to Become More PopularHow to Become More Popular7 years ago in Academic Essays More Like This
Do you know the times when you put in a lot of effort and time into a deviation; however it does not get the attention that you think it deserves? This is a very common occurrence that deviants experience. You would like it if people commented on your work, for example, like expressing their opinions and critiques. However you see that there are very few comments for your deviation. Do you wish that you could do something to make your user page more appealing for other deviants to have an incentive to view your art? This guide might be able to help you by informing you of some simple tips and techniques. And hopefully these tips and techniques can give deviants more of an incentive to view and comment on your art, and possibly watch you also.
If you have some spare money it is recommendable to purchase the subscription service from DeviantArt. A subscription allows for a much larger freedom of activities for your user page. You can make fun polls, more
Gourmet Novel RecipeRecipe for Writing a NovelGourmet Novel Recipe2 years ago in Flash Fiction & Vignettes More Like This
Serves: 1. If you’re J K Rowling, billions.
- 1 Tin standard cat food
- 1 Laptop/Computer
- 250g cat biscuits
- 5 Pens, various colours.
- 1 stuffed cat toy with bell
- 1 pouch slightly fussier cat food
- 1 sachet gourmet cat food
- 1 bottle of wine, red or white
- 1 Wine glass (Large)
- 1 300g Tin of tuna
Cooking time: 2-5 years
(Preparation time approximately 10-60 minutes depending on condition of desk and computer speed)
1. Clear space on desk. If you do not have respective space for junk, throw on floor. Place paper and pens in clear space.
2. Turn on computer and allow 10 minutes for slow loading time. Add 2-3 sighs as windows update informs to restart computer. Restart computer and allow a further 10 minutes.
3. Once computer is ready, open up new document.
1. Begin with your plot. Open internet to several pages, use pens and paper to mix r
Twilight-Uncensored Ch.2ReviewTwilight-Uncensored Ch.2Review4 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
Review of Chapter Two
By Stephenie Meyer
Okay, so I'm back again with the second chapter of Twilight.
Just like last time, I'm going to start off by saying that I'm going into this with a perspective that may be harsh, too critical and possibly laced with more F-bombs than an Eminem song. I'm giving you the view of Twilight as raw from me as possible. This is also just for fun guys. I'm not torturing myself too much, because I love to rant and rave like the next bastard and you like to be entertained. Don't lie. Fuckers.
Last time I started on the book with the preface and chapter one; introducing the character Bella and a brief glimpse of Edward Cullen. Bella is "new" to Forksdespite being from Forks and visiting every summer for fourteen years. Her first day of school and run-in with the teen heart throb Edward Cullen has left her off in the previous chapter as having a break down in her little go-go mobile.
And this is where we begin the illustrious
TFDictionary and List of TermsTransformers Dictionary/List of TermsTFDictionary and List of Terms7 years ago in Sci-Fi More Like This
A Note from Your Maintenance Supreme: As you can probably tell, this is a very long piece, with tons of terms and lots of language. This is fine and dandy if you have a rainy afternoon to kill, but, if you're looking for a quick reference, I would recommend becoming very friendly with the CTRL+F function very quickly. I've tried to keep definitions of a certain type to a similar format down the Dictionary and List, so all the body part terms should have "body" as a buzzword, towns, cities, and city-states should have "city" or something similar, etc. Let me know if you run into serious problems while using the Dictionary and List, and I will get it fixed as soon as I possibly can. Thanks for your time, cooperation, and contributions! They are VERY much appreciated.
~M "Mack" Blackwood, your friendly neighborhood Maintenance Supreme
P.S., I am interested in using a formal preview image for this Dictionary and List, bu
My Really Long Webcomic GuideMy Really Long Webcomic Guide5 years ago in Reviews & Guides More Like This
Jenny's Really Long Webcomic Guide
I have been getting quite a few emails and questions about starting up your own webcomic, so I decided to compile all the articles I'd written before into this one comprehensive guide.
This massive wall of text has several sections:
- How to start
- Getting the story started
- Readership & research
- The Internets!
These are my own guidelines, based on my own experiences, and these are my solutions to the problems and issues I have encountered along the way. This is not necessarily the one true way. There are probably many different solutions to any problem. And a bajillion books on this very subject too. But regardless of what I have to say, do what works for you!
So take your bathroom breaks now, because you'll be here for a bit! Sit tight and enjoy my blathering!
Part One: "How do you start a webcomic?" A Short Question... with a big, long, friggin' answer.
Okay, a l
Harry Potter AnalysisThe wonderful world of Harry Potter has touched countless lives upon its release. It contains many colorful elements from magic and fantasy to fighting bald snake people with little wooden sticks. Yet at the same time, despite touching so many countless lives, the ever-popular series has not been without its fair share of criticism, a large portion of which may not have been completely unfounded. Harry Potter has been said to promote more than a few more shady practices. It wouldn't hurt to explore and prod some of them in scholarly analysis.Harry Potter Analysis5 years ago in Stories & Vignettes More Like This
Let us take, for example, the most prevalent example in the HP wizarding world. Wands. Harry Potter and friends often use their wands to solve problems and, more often than not, create quite a few of them. HP, Ron, and Draco are constantly seen "whipping them out" and "waving them around," despite the fact many teachers advise most of the Hogwarts students against doing so. This could function as a sort of subliminal nod to boyhood fasc
Understanding a MindIntelligence is a curse. You think about everything; every detail, every aspect from your life, what surround you everything. All those meaningless words you could swear you heard from someone behind you; the casual expression on a face you believed to be a message; all those little things you give importance to that are just blurring your sight of the world.Understanding a Mind6 years ago in Philosophy & Perspectives More Like This
You go through an eternal array of feelings because of the people surrounding you. You will to be alone, away from them. They make you no good at all, and yet you need them; they make you feel whole, and at the same time they make you realize about your own defects, feel them, and, in a long term, you grow to hate yourself because of them.
People that know you tend to expect from you things you know you cant do. They press you to do better, and when you fail. They only say you had to try harder, you could do much better, why didnt you put more effort on it?
And most of those pe
Slim to NoneIf you look across my arms you will see my heart beating heavy on my sleeves.Slim to None7 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
If you look on my face, you will see every expression I have ever made.
If you look at my eyes, you will see every tear I have ever cried.
If you look at my feet you will see every step I ever took to follow my dreams and other people.
If you look in the mirror you will see my reflection and every person I wanted to be when I put on clothes.
If you look at me, and not through me, you will see me, but the chances of that are slim to none.
Don't StepDon’t step to meDon't Step2 years ago in Urban & Spoken Word More Like This
I may wear a frilly pink skirt, but I will TAKE YOU in a fight.
Not even because I’m angry, I could just use the exercise
In humility, so throw me your best haymaker, and I’ll take it, because I’ve never had a bone too beautiful to break it. No, throw me to the ground and I’ll memorise the sound because it’s profound that you think your pride can push ME around.
They say words are the way to make a man break. But while you’re focussed on finding a phrase to prove your ego more great, you won’t see my hands palming your hate. Making mental memos of words, mementos of the curse. Those things you think will hurt me that I’ll later ridicule in verse.
Don’t step to me, no.
In fact, you should fear me, my foe.
I fight like a COWARD.
I fight like I fear every moment of pain, like a boy whose stuffed tiger was taken away, like no eye-gouge is too cruel for someone in my way. This isn’t a weekend spar, a
Broken Bones and Bloody KnucklesWreck-It Ralph: Felix plans a surprise visit to Hero's Duty to see Sergeant Calhoun- he forgets that she doesn't like surprises.Broken Bones and Bloody Knuckles3 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
"You're an idiot."
Felix aimed a pitiful glare at the taller blonde woman beside him, shifting the piece of raw meat over his black eye to where it stung more.
"Am not," he mumbled, kicking at a speck of imaginary dirt beneath the bench they were both seated on. Sergeant Calhoun folded her arms over her chest, free of her armor for once and replaced with a looser fitting top and trousers, still space marine issue. She shook her head.
"No, you are," she said matter-of-factly. "Only an idiot would come over to Hero's Duty unprepared, albeit once the arcade had closed, and decide to 'drop in' on me while I was training."
"I didn't know you could punch that hard," Felix murmured thoughtfully, but it was evident that he had curled in on himself at Calhoun's sharp tongue.
She shook her head again, slower this time, like one would for an ignorant chil
Absurd SurprisesAbsurd Surprises2 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
The sunset was extraordinarily lovely. Princess Luna was lowering the sun, a very rare occasion for the princess of the night. Princess Celestia had been out of commission for two days. Despite every piece of mind she had against what was going on, Luna smiled for her big sister. Tonight she would make a very starry night sky. Of course, no one else in Equestria aside from her and a few of Celestia guards knew why that was.
Suddenly a beam of light flashed behind her.
“Hellooooo Luna!” Luna scowled at the voice. It was Discord, who had not been seen in three days. “Busy raising that hunk of rock in the sky no one cares about?”
“Discord,” Luna said addressing him in a formal manner, “where has thou been? Our sister has had in the loosest terms ever, ‘rough’ past few days. Did you not leave on purpose to avoid confrontation?”
“Celestia’s been backed up? Pfft, why would I ever leave her when she needs me?” the o
Exotic PartnersIt was during the second year of our marriage that I realised my wife was a large monitor lizard.Exotic Partners10 years ago in Humor More Like This
It was one of those funny little revelations that creeps up on one over time. I think the first clue came when she decided to hibernate for the three winter months. At first it did not arouse my suspicions. After all I myself enjoyed a lie-in, and had once slept in three whole hours past the alarm - on a weekday! - so I did not think it particularly note-worthy when she tucked herself in at the start of December and remained there until late February. Still, it aroused in me some small seed of doubt - for I had never before known her to go even three days without tending to the garden, let alone three months.
Her taste in gardening was minimalist, and this I applauded; it may have been one of the reasons I married her, I forget now. Instead of the silly sentimentality of a lawn or a flower patch, she insisted that the entire garden was covered in soft fl
Modern MagicThe witch Baba Yaga once baked herself breadModern Magic8 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
out of spiders and liars and red razorwire
that was garnished with flowers from the vaults of the dead,
and sweetened with lye from a childs funeral pyre.
It was light as the crisp, cracking bones on the fields
and as sharp to the taste as the ash-scattered shards
that were all that remains of the swords and the shields
of the warrior king and his bold bodyguards.
In a chicken leg hovel at the edge of a wood
the witch Baba Yaga licks the dregs from the spoons
that she used to stir soup, spiced and thickened with blood
that the dying ones spilt from their widowing wounds.
But her low kitchen table will never be laid
and her bonewafer banquet will never be served,
while ghostly white whistles pipe a last serenade
as shes swept to the moon by the swerve of the earth.
The witch Baba Yaga in the coldness of space
weeping tears for the cage and her gingerbread home,
but icicled, weightless, they fly in her face
with the regular tick of
To Be An AlicornSweet Apple Acres was a busy place in the spring. Two young stallions walked the fields with plows in tow, while a mailpony dragged in shipments of seeds and tools, and a couple more ponies were visible amonst the apple trees. Adding to the general bustle was a visitor to the farm who gingerly stepped out of the sky, looked around, and opened the gate into the main homestead area. A filly, not quite yet a mare, with a light green coat and straw-colored hair and baskets strapped to her saddle had been trotting through the area, and noticed the visitor first. She stopped dead in her tracks, eyes as big as the moon.To Be An Alicorn4 years ago in Short Stories More Like This
"Oh, hello." the visitor said. "I'm here to see Applejack. Is she around?"
"G-great-granny Applejack?" the filly asked. The visitor paused, and nodded. The young pony kept her eyes on the visitor and pointed towards the barn. There, in a rocking chair, an ancient mare sat with a worn brown steltson covering her eyes. Her coat was gray but with a healthy sheen, a