He had a sort of solemn expression, gazing out the window as snow showered the world around him. It danced and fluttered in the harsh breeze, coating the trees in a gorgeous layering of cloud-like ice.
It was so beautiful, and yet a lump had lodged itself in his throat. How could he have been blind for so long? It's been over a year since he had fallen in love with Sauli, and yet, tears were collecting in his eyes because he missed him, so much. That little blonde with the heart-stopping smile and shimmering brown eyes... full lips and long eyelashes. Porcelain skin, soft to the touch, a small frame easy to hold. Long fingers, tough at the tips. Tommy Joe Ratliff, the small man Adam desired for so long. He had his fun on stage, but in the process unknowingly swept him off his feet...
... ever since then, Adam ignored it all. He was single, flirting didn't matter. Before Tommy got his chance to speak up, Sauli's smile captured Adam's heart, and Tommy was now his best friend, his supporter. Tommy, though, was a broken smile, a laugh that secretly shook with pain.
Why was love so cruel? Adam folded his fingers and rested his chin atop them as he watched the snow fall. He was where he always went when he needed to take a break from the star-filled towns of California- Portland. Oregon was such an open, relaxing place he could go to. And it snowed up there, instead of turning a dull sort of cool and murky.
Another sigh echoed throughout Adam's hotel room as he hung his head, holding back whimpers. Adam was here this time because Sauli got pissed- for some reason, Adam seemed distanced... Sauli claimed he was ignoring him and spending too much time with others when they could be together. Sauli wasn't cruel- he understands that time with friends is a necessity. But Sauli was right. Adam was avoiding him, saying he was busy that night when in reality he was getting a drink with some old friends. And only a few nights ago, Sauli caught him in the act.
No, nothing was happening, but Tommy was drunk off his ass and hanging all over Adam, mumbling about how he loved Adam and how hurt he was when Sauli came into their lives, and then even had the guts to turn to Sauli and go, "Speak of the fucker 'emself..." and broke down into sobs. The next morning, Tommy had forgotten everything except for a searingly painful headache and dry eyes from crying. Adam couldn't speak, and instantly arranged a hotel room in Portland.
Before that night, he had no idea Tommy was holding back his pain since then. How could Adam been so stupid, so blind? Now that it was spelled out in words before him, now that drunk blabber had explained the scattered pieces- Adam understood. He could now see that Tommy was hurt, in pain, crying almost every night... he even attempted to stay with that girlfriend he had for about a month, but it didn't work out because 'he didn't love her' when in reality Tommy was too distracted by Adam.
Fuck it all. Adam ran his fingers through his hair in aggravation, and heart a soft knock at his hotel door. He froze in confusion, sniffing and standing up, wondering who could be at his hotel door. He hoped to god it wasn't some stalker fan, because he was in no mood for putting on a fake smile for some photos.
But to Adam's amazement, low and behold, a little blonde with big brown eyes was biting his lip nervously and looking up at him as he opened the door. Adam froze, dumbfounded, staring into Tommy's eyes with no words to say. A tear unwillingly strolled down his cheek, and Adam gasped, whipping around and wiping it away.
"S-Sorry, allergies," Adam mumbled, "This room is so dusty..." His voice shook. It was obvious he was crying, and Tommy's silence only proved that he wasn't a dumbass. Tommy strolled inside, kicking off his snow-boots and setting his bags down, then closing the door behind him. Adam glanced to the side slightly, but before he could fully turn around, Tommy's arms were around Adam in a tight hug.
Adam held his breath for a moment, his heart jumping at the sudden contact, but slowly he wrapped his arms around Tommy. He hung his head and made a pitiful, soft whimpering noise before he choked his way into a sobbing fit. Tommy's small hands rubbed his back, his hair, and then held him, until Adam pulled away and gazed into his eyes. Tommy's cheeks dusted pink, but he swallowed, feeling Adam's pain just by looking into his eyes. Adam searched Tommy's gaze, and could tell that someone must've told Tommy what he said to Adam at the bar before Sauli came.
"Adam, please..." he murmured, placing a cold hand on Adam's cheek. Regardless, Adam didn't flinch away, he only leaned into the touch. "Don't feel responsible for everything... I can't control who I..." he fell silent, and Adam turned his face, lifting a weak hand to cup his face as well, and kiss Tommy's fingertips with a feather-soft touch. Tommy choked on his words, his entire body flushing hot in embarrassment. Though, the movement was extremely comforting, and he clamped his mouth shut, directing his gaze towards the floor.
"Tommy..." Adam whispered, and Tommy was all too familiar with that tone of voice and the heat closing in on him. He felt Adam's fingers on his chin, lifting his head up, and finally, Tommy lifted his heavy eyelids to meet Adam's blue eyes. They stared at each other before both leaning in, meeting halfway in a soft kiss.
It was the first since Glamnation had ended. After the last snow, Adam was so happy that he pulled Tommy behind stage and messed him up in all ways- it wasn't their first sexual encounter, but the handjob was so fast that Tommy could barely stand afterwords. Adam got drunk that night and of course made out with Tommy multiple times, but it didn't go any farther- Tommy wouldn't let it, as much as his aching cock begged for attention, as soon as Adam's hands started to unzip his pants, he pushed him away. Adam, in his drunken haze, seemed hurt, but passed out moments later. Ever since then, it was small teasing until Sauli came, and then all of that seemed to have never happened.
Tommy's flashbacks faded away as Adam wrapped him in his arms. Tommy leaned into his touch, feeling their chests flush against each other, their hearts hammering against each other. Tommy moaned a little, unable to help himself- the most passionate they ever got was during Amsterdam, which left Tommy's hands numb momentarily before he attempted to continue playing his bass. This time, Adam was embracing him, his arms tight around him, as if he didn't want to loose Tommy ever again.
Their heads titled and met over and over again, each kiss getting more and more desperate, their breaths mingling in the small space between them. Tommy's eyes were heavy, his jaw slack as Adam kissed his neck, scooping him up into his arms before he could protest and carrying him into the bedroom.
This was different. The only times they ever made out was on stage, during the adrenaline rush of the after-show or when they were both drunk. This time, none of those applied, and Adam had placed him on the bed, kissing up his neck and caressing his face. Tommy's heart beat heavily, his cheeks burning red and his eyes watering with all sorts of emotions. Sheer joy- how much he has wanted Adam to hold him like this, with love and compassion. Anger, because Sauli was held like this so much when he and Adam knew each other way more... hurt, because he spent nights and weeks and hours and months crying over how much he wanted this. Tommy's heart beat, but cracked with every second passing. He clamped his mouth shut.
"Adam... please, A-adam..." he stuttered, and before he knew what was happening, all of those emotions inside of him poured out in a flood of tears. Adam froze, snapping out of his love-stricken haze and stared at Tommy. He swallowed, clenching the sheets underneath him, watching as the tears rolled down his beautifully flushed cheeks, how he lifted a weak hand to wipe them away. Adam lifted one of those hands, gently holding it and kissing his knuckles before leaning down and kissing his tears. Tommy was frozen, his breaths shallow and small whimpers making their way through his parted lips.
"Tommy... what the hell was I thinking for the past year?" Adam stopped thinking, his heart speaking the truth for the first time in so long. "I love Sauli, I do, he's been there supporting me for so long, inspiring me, loving me... but Tommy... you're so much more, you're like..." He froze, and opened his moth to say the next word, but Tommy finished the sentence for him with silent happiness.
"... my soulmate..." He licked his chapped lips, lifting a hand and hooking it behind Adam's head, feeling his soft hair before pulling him down into a kiss. Adam closed his eyes, kissing him gently, their lips fitting together perfectly, even after he has kissed others, kissed Sauli so many times... he could never find another pair of lips to compliment his so perfectly. As if, they were made to be together, molded for each other... it has to be. There was no other Tommy out there for him.
"I love you, Tommy," He whispered against his lips, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. A huge weight rolled off his shoulders, and his heart felt lighter, freer. "I've loved you since the day I met you. I love everything about you..."
There was a silence between them before Tommy responded, a mixture of tears and pure bliss. "Adam... please, if this is a dream, wake me up, because I've been waiting for those words since... since..." he trailed off, not remembering when exactly. As if he's been waiting for Adam all his life.
"... since forever ago," Adam finished with a crooked smile, and Tommy was hugging him, nuzzling into his chest. Adam fell onto the bed beside him, pulling him as close as he could be. He inhaled Tommy's scent of dark chocolate and roses, getting a high off of it- it was the only smell he wanted to smell when he fell asleep, when he woke up...
... "It just feels right..." Adam murmured out loud, and Tommy murmured something back, and the world slid into darkness, two lovers tangled in each other, forgetting all the world's consequences- only lost in each other.