Adam walked to the stage from the dressing room. The laswt show of the Glam Nation Tour ahd ended only an hour and a half ago. The stage props and equipment were being put away for the last time. At lest until the next tour. Adam had gone to change out of costume before helping because he could not help in the rough navy blue trench coat. He suposed that he must have dozed off while getting the glitter off. Now he was going to the stage to apoligize and see what remained to be done. The stage was mostly clear. Only the steps remained. Tommy was sitting on one of the steps making sure his bass guitars were tuned. Adam started toward Tommy to ask him what was left to be done. The walk seemed longer then it had earlier. Adam supposed that was becuase he was still a little tird. "Tommy" Adam heard Neil say as he emerged from back stage. Tommy looked up. "Wheres Adam?" Neil asked. "No idea." Tommy responded with a shrug. "Maybe he fell asleep. This tour took a lot out of us all especially Adam." Tommy said. "Uh guys I'm right here." Adam said. Neil looked at Adam, turned back to Tommy and said "Get the cat out of here! I'm going to go find Adam." With that Neil walked off the stage. Adam turned around to see what cat Neil was talking about and saw a black tail behind him. In panic Adam looked down at his hands and saw that he now had black paw! "Tommy!" Adam trid to say but instead he heard a meow emit from his mouth. 'Uh oh this is NOT good.' Adam thought.
Just a fan fic i came up with i am sure there are others that are similar but i only turned just Adam into cat. if there is something like this on here please say something and i will figure out how to delte
I do not own Adam Lambert or Tommy Joe Ratliff though i wish i did.
The sky was crystal blue but yet not a single cloud stained its surface. No sign of any rain; it has been as hot as a volcano recently, metaphorically speaking. But at least the heat reminded me that summer was on its way. I could almost taste the holidays. My eyes wandered onto my gang members from the "Black Gang". The Black Gang wore just about anything black we could find- from black lipstick to black metal creepers. As of now, a black and grey stripped hoodie complimented with devil wings drawn on the back, together with some matching skinny pants and converse shoes clung to my body.
Me and my gang were basically the Goths of the school, but don't be fooled we weren't among the populars. We were just as popular as the Geeks. Speaking of popular, my bladder was getting "popular" with urine. "I needa take a dunk!" I waved them off and headed back into the school campus, rushing to one of the nearby toilets. I skidded to a urinal and unzipped my pants. A sweet sigh of relief escaped my lips as yellow liquid poured out of me. 'Thank god no one else was in the room' was what I thought until I heard a barely audible whisper.
"Fuck this place and its ignorant fuckers!"
And I thought no one else was here. I quickly shook myself off and zipped up my pants. I felt insecure of peeing in front of people. I don't know how others can PEE IN FRONT OF EACH OTHER. I turned around slowly walking to a vacant mirror beside the guy that has intruded in on me. He was tall, slightly muscular and had raven black haired, illuminating blue eyes and PALE skin. Somehow the paleness of his skin reminded me of a vampire. Oh I forgot to mention, I'm a big fan of vampires. I'm all for those blood suckers. They turn me on!
I looked at him thoroughly; he looked like one of those fucked up footballers from our school. Maybe it was just me. My nose twitched slightly as I washed my hands from the disgusting yellow liquid.
I turned my head to the side slightly, giving him a weird stare. He returned my stare with a stare of his own, and then flung his bag around his shoulder. I could see a few music sheets in there. Whoa, a singing vampire that plays football. Talk about epic!
Despite his glare he calmly spoke "What are you looking at me like that for?"
"Aren't you with that faggot football team that always beats up me and my friends?" My fingers wrapped around the wing shaped pendant around my neck hoping he wouldn't beat me into a pulp for this. My cockiness gets the best of me at times.
"No, I'm not with those assholes, I don't play sports!" with that he left abruptly, with me still in a daze. I wanted to know if he was a vampire. Yes, I do believe vampires are real. Even though I don't admit it, I kind of liked Twilight
I ran up to the raven haired male and placed my hand on his shoulder and suffocated him with a clichéd question "How long have you been a teenager?" It was that same question Bella asked Edward in the first Twilight movie. Like Edward I expected Adam to reply 'Awhile' but instead..
"Since I became a teenager WHY" he asked monotonously. My nose twitched again and I shook my head in disappointment "Oh, you're normal". With that I walked away, and while my back was still turned I mumbled "Normal Normal as a stick". After I had reached an intersection in the corridor I turned to see if he was still there.
Nope, he probably already headed to class. This singing vampire peaked at my interest, maybe I'll see the fella again soon, who knows?
I pranced all the way to the school courtyard and there I saw my best friend Evan. The rest of the gang always had classes at this time. Evan disregarded all the chairs in the courtyard and sat on one of the table. Ooooh, how rebellious of him. I hoped up the table and poked his side earning a squeal from him. The thing about Evan, he was ticklish. VERY ticklish. I always used his weakness to my advantage though. I'm kind of a sadist.
An hour passed. I and Evan were discussing about our science project but somehow it was turning into an argument.
"But I still think we should do the damn SODA VOLCANO!" I protested
"No No, my idea is better!"
"No Evan! A mini robot that opens soda bottles is just plain stupid"
"Soda volcano's are so overrated!"
From the corner of my eye I saw a familiar raven haired vampire take a seat across the courtyard. I focused my attention back to Evan and continued the argument, despite my interest to turn my head and look at the male.
I heard a muffled moan, whimpers and grunts that sounded like it was coming from an electronic device. Maybe that bathroom kid was watching porn? I turned my head to look but as I did he had thrown his hand phone to the ground and ran into the school.
"Hey Evan, I'll catch you later. Probably online"
"Kay, see ya after dinner"
I jumped off the table and scurried to the fallen device. I picked it up seeing two dudes fucking each other on its screen. My face cringed in disgust. Apparently someone had sent him this video and to make this situation even more interesting it was sent from an unknown number. Talk about creepy. There was also a little caption at the bottom 'Enjoy this fag?'
Oh! So that's why he was so upset in the bathroom before. People thought he was gay! Maybe he secretly was Edward Cullen in disguise. Maybe I could even get this vampire on my side...Damn, just think about the possibilities of having a vampire slave.
I trailed after him, noticing he fled to the bathroom. He must have gone to the bathroom to 'fap' to the video. When I had walked in the bathroom; all the cubicles were empty except one. Oooh, it was slightly open too. He must have been so eager to jerk off he forgot to lock it. I took out my Blackberry and slid it into the cubicle. I caught a glimpse of him pumping himself through the clear screen of my phone. Oh god, he really was jerking off and how convenient of me to be in the neighborhood.
"A-aaah- uunngh, fuuuu-uuuckahhh--" he was already huffing, he pumped himself a few more times and he came all over his hand making a sticky gooey mess. As he sighed in relief his eyes caught glimpse of my camera and I quickly retreated jumping backward. He pulled his pants back up and yanked the door open. His face was red, probably from the dreaded combination of excitement and embarrassment.
"What the fuck are you doing, asshole?!" he yelled angrily.
"I saw what was on your phone" I put my phone in my pocket where it was safe and retreated a few steps abaft. "You ARE gay aren't you?" I wriggled my eyebrows playfully. I was really testing his patience "You do have an impressive 'length' for a gay vampire though" I complimented.
"Shut up!" he yelled obviously pissed "I-I didn't put that shit on my phone, someone sent it!" he stuttered "Are you going to post that shit!"
"Yes I am, Edward Cullen" I crossed my arms and smirked devilishly at him
"Stop calling me that!" he angrily hit one of the doors out of frustration. I'm so glad he used displaced aggression instead of beating me up. "Fuck it; I'll do whatever you want! Just don't do anything with that. It's a miracle I haven't been cornered and gotten the shit beaten out of me just because of the RUMORS AND GUESSES at my sexuality. If anyone has proof, I'll be dead by tomorrow; and I swear to God I'm taking you with me!"
"Okay Okay" I said barely caring, I strolled to the nearest toilet bowl. I took out HIS phone from my pocket and dangled it amidst the disgusting bowl. "From now on you'll do every single thing I say" I dropped the device into the polluted water. A small 'plop' sound was heard "Starting from now. Pick up your phone."
He eyed me for a few seconds but complied with my command. He retrieved his fallen device and ran out of the cubicle trying to dry it off. I just leaned against the wall and watched his misery.
Helluuu readers!! Did u read it? Did u EXPECT it!?? Didn't think so Or at least I don't hope so
Anywho, this is a short story I wrote for school. The full title was supposed to be "Tommy Joe Ratliff: Straight as a Circle" but DA won't give me enough room T.T
This was supposed to be a satire. If you don't know what that is... look it up. You obviously have internet connection. But if ur too lazy to find out yourself, well this is the definition our teacher gave us: What is satire? "A literary or artistic work in which the author uses ridicule to point out the flaws of humanity and/or its institutions, usual used to suggest or prompt change."
Of course, I don't wanna change our beloved glitterbaby but I REALLY wanted to write about him I figured it would be rather easy considering all the controversy with our baby boy but it was very difficult to get this idea!! As a matter of fact, THIS WASN'T EVEN MY IDEA!! It was the idea of Miss Jabiel, our T.A. (teacher's assistant) in my language arts class. I explained to her that people talk about Tommy's gay-ness and I wanted to write about that sooo she decided I write about this. So she gets partial credit
Also, I give partial credit to because I quoted her picture [link] (which i think is hilarious btw)
Also, my preview picture thingy is actually 's drawing. So she gets some credit too
The rest is all mine! >:3
And yes its minorly suggestive at the end.. well.. I couldn't write an Adommy without suggestiveness...... that's like... trying to breathe in space. Won't happen. (I wonder if my teacher will take off points for the ending lol.... its a project so that wouldn't be good...)
N yes, I put the Star of David to separate "scenes" because apparently Adam's Jewish soo...
Oh! And the song HollyHood by Joey Ruckus (awesome song btw) goes AMAZINGLY with this story. Pull it up and read this again lmao
Anyway, I think I've bored u enough so tootle-loo!! Please comment, fave, and luv!!
Ughh!! These literature's are giving me h word!! I don't know why the file is showing up like it is but I will try my best to fix it. Bare with me. I am aware that u should NOT be able to scroll or anything but thats what it's gonna have to be unless I can find something else... utmost apologies
EDIT 9-22-11: To those who think I should've received an A on this.. well I got an 85. I'm happy with that, cuz according to my teacher that's a HIGH B so woot!
Adam came up behind me, but I didn't turn to see him. I heard him panting, but then he gasped and was more silent. He saw the man there. And this man was an Inkblood. This man played a trick on us- mind-control. When Adam was saying that wasn't my mom, he was right. The trick was played on me. He isn't my mom...
Suddenly, Adam fell onto his knees, and I turned, seeing him shaking. My eyes were wide, and my heart thumped in fear. "Adam!?" I gasped, and I turned to the man. His eyes were on me, and they were narrowed, but a second later he cursed a little. He stepped closer to me; he was around my height. His blood red eyes stared into mine, and I blinked, chewing on my lip a little. This was kind of creepy...
"Why aren't you falling?" The man hissed, his eyes narrowed. He was shaking lightly, as if straining his thoughts and trying to concentrate on something. I stepped back a little, and glanced to Adam, who was on his knees and elbows as if he was bowing down. He looked like he was fighting something, but I couldn't quite register what he was fighting...
I saw a few stray leaves fall, and the bushes started to rustle. The man whipped around, and I saw a silhouette dash by. "There's someone there!" I hissed. Adam suddenly jerked up, and was standing, panting and looking back and forth from Brad and the shaking bushes. "Inkbloods," the man hissed. He turned to us. Adam and I exchanged a quick glance before both turning in unison and sprinting for our lives.
We pushed through bushes, and we got lightly beaten up by running into small trees and plants, but we kept running. We ran and ran, and at one point I turned around. The man was right behind us, but he looked as if he was running, too, not chasing. When I turned back around to face forward, my foot got caught in a root and I fell forward, face-planting into the ground. What's with me and tripping lately!? I heard Adam gasp my name, and he turned swiftly around and kneeled down. The man then came next to us, grabbed the back of our necks and pushed down. "Duck, dammit!" He growled.
After a few moments of silence, I asked, "Why the hell are you following us?" The man's red eyes flashed to me, and he sighed, letting go of our necks and sitting up. We were in the middle of a ton of bushes. "Because," he hissed. "How did you resist the mind-control? You're a Silverblood!" He narrowed his eyes. "The black-haired one here is doing what any Silverblood would do. Give in to the mind-control. Did... did you even feel anything when I tried forcing you to your knees!?"
"N-No..." I murmured, backing away from the man. He cursed and looked away, crossing his arms and giving a stubborn look. "Look, is it alright if I stick with you? I want to know more about you and your abilities... and the Silverblood race in general." Adam and I exchanged a glance, and then we turned back to the man. He looked up at me. "I promise not to kill you," he muttered.
"So do we," Adam answered. "I'm Adam; Adam Lambert, and this is Tommy Joe Ratliff." The man held out his hand. Adam took it and shook it. "I'm Brad," the man said, "Brad Bell." We only had a moment to smile at each other before the bushes rattled violently and a foot came through. I gasped, and a full man was standing there. He was... quite different, but... pretty. His hair was black with various blond streaks, and it was spiked up all over, as if someone took a fan and blasted is hair back, then let it sit for a while. It looked cool, though. He had black skinny jeans, and a black t-shirt with some white lines on it and the word, "Fallen." He had a white chocker on his neck, along with a necklace with three crosses. On one arm he had a white wristband wit some studs, and on the other hand a white-and-black checkered wrist band with a white rubber wrist band as well. His nails were painted black, and he was tall and thin, just a bit taller than me. His eyes are a dark brown, just like mine, but with Adam's shape and amount of eyeliner. His shirt was up to the side just a bit to reveal a tattoo of a star on his stomach, off to the left. He also had a piercing in his left eyebrow.
"Kaulitz!" Brad hissed, and the black-haired man looked down. "My name's Bill, thank you very much," he muttered. He had a strong German accent, and he looked down at Adam and I. When he spoke, we saw a glint in his mouth- he had a tongue piercing."Why are you sitting here with Silverbloods?" Brad shook his head and stood. He was so much shorter than Bill. "Come here for a moment," he muttered. They stepped away for a moment, leaving Adam and I alone.
"What are they talking about?" I murmured, and Adam shrugged. A few moments later, they came back, and we looked up at them. But there were two other people with them. My eyes widened, and we saw one was Cassidy with someone else. The other man was similar to Bill, not in dress style but their faces. He had blond dreadlocks, sort of up in a ponytail, alone with a black baseball cap and a black headband on his forehead. He had a lose black shirt that had something in German, along with a logo. He had baggy jeans, and a piercing in his lip. His eyes were identical to Bill's- dark brown, but with no makeup.
"Cassidy!" Adam gasped. "Why are you here?" The man with dreadlocks looked to Bill. Bill glanced at him. "Tom, who's this?" The man with dreadlocks, named Tom, sighed. "Cassidy Haley. Silverblood, found him wandering around..." His voice sounded eerily similar to Bill's. "They're twins," Brad whispered to us. Well, that explained it. No wonder they looked somewhat the same.
"I saw the door opened," Cassidy murmured to us as Bill and Tom talked. "I saw Adam running, yelling your name, Tommy, so I followed, but lost you two and ran into Tom. Tom said he'd have to kill me if I didn't come with him so I decided I wanted to live and go with him." He shook his head, and at that point Bill and Tom-and Brad- finished what they were talking about. They looked between us all.
"We should go back," I murmured. "But we're lost. I have no idea where we are..." Brad turned to Cassidy, and was quiet for a moment, then said, "We're lost, too. But I think I know the way back to... Drake." Cass, Adam and I looked around in a confused way. "Who?" Adam repeated. Brad turned to Adam. "Drake, our leader. The Inkbloods have a leader." I blinked. Their ways are different than ours, I guess.
"He'll... help you guys," Bill spoke, "Even though you're Silverbloods. If we tell him to help you, of course." He turned to Brad. "Especially if it's coming from Brad, his deputy." Brad smiled a little. So, basically, Brad is second behind Drake, like his loyal assistant. I thought, interesting. And there are so many Inkbloods, yet only 9 Silverbloods.
"So, the trip will take about a week," Tom admitted. "We're going to have to live like campers for those days... just saying." We all nodded, and Brad shrugged. "So now we're going?" Bill beckoned with his hand for us to get up and come. "Alright, I'm pretty sure it's this way," he said, his German accent heavy. Cassidy and Brad got in a conversation, but Adam and I followed a little behind everyone else. Bill and Tom were talking to each other.
It was going to be a long trip, but we had to do this.
[Pairing warning: Adam Lambert/Sauli Koskinen, Adam Lambert/Tommy Joe Ratliff, hinted Adam Lambert/Tommy Joe Ratliff/Sauli Koskinen]
"I can't fucking take this anymore!" Adam yelled after ending his phone call. He tossed the phone onto the bed, it bounced once and stopped, almost falling over the edge.
"Rakas, are you okay?" Sauli asked, head peeking into the bedroom. He was afraid that Adam might be having one of his 'moments'.
He called this Adam, 'Dark' Adam, when the man gets too frustrated about his work or something. Don't get him wrong, Adam was really nice and loving, but everyone has their breaking point and Adam was kind of scary when angry.
Adam racked a hand through his hair, black locks falling over his eyes.
"The recording company screwed up again, lost most of the work I did last week," Adam sighed.
"It's okay, Rakas, you can do it again," Sauli said, still at the door.
Adam sat on the bed, "I can't stay here, not now, too much stress."
"We can go out, go drink," Sauli suggested, taking a few steps into their shared bedroom.
"Maybe I'll call Tommy," Adam muttered, ignoring Sauli's suggestion, his mind just too unfocused at the moment.
Sauli frowned a little, he knew Adam was probably going into one of those 'Dark' moments, but still to hear Adam suggest going out with Tommy straight away made him a little jealous.
But he should not be, Tommy was Adam's best friend, the blonde made Adam smile when no one could, made him laugh when he was hopelessly down. And of course he knew of Adam's crush on Tommy, he must be blind to not notice.
Sauli rested a hand carefully on Adam's arm, "You can call him, or I can call him for you, Rakas."
Adam turned to look at Sauli, silent for a moment before frowning sadly.
"I did it again, didn't I," he said softly, "I shouldn't look for comfort from Tommy first, it should be you."
"You do find comfort from me," Sauli smiled warmly, "But sometimes you need friends too."
Adam grinned wide at his boyfriend's words and scooped the small Finn into his arms, "I love you so much, baby."
"Minäkin rakastan sinua,"(I love you too) Sauli returned the hug.
"Thanks for coming out with me, Tommy," Adam hugged the blonde at the club entrance.
"No problem, Adam! I missed you anyway," Tommy snuggled against the larger man for a bit before pulling away.
Adam petted Tommy on the head, "Are you sure it's okay? This is a gay club and all."
"Dude, I've been to so many when we were on tour! Too late to ask now," Tommy laughed.
"True," Adam chuckled.
The pair went into the club, it was crowded with men, some dancing, others drinking. It was dark, only illuminated by strobe lights flashing around.
"But I'm blaming you if my ass gets groped," Tommy joked.
"You don't even have one," Adam teased in return, earning a punch to the arm.
They went to the bar and found a nice spot right at the corner of the counter. Tommy ordered some Jack Daniels while Adam called for some lemon with orange vodka.
They started chatting and quick enough, the incident with the record company left his mind.
"Oh shit, I gotta piss," Tommy said, "I'm sorry, give me a few minutes."
"Take your time, little kitty," Adam smiled, waving to the retreating blonde.
Adam looked at his drink, it was probably the fifth one tonight, he kind of lost attention after the second refill.
His mind began to wonder off, he thought of how happy he was with Sauli and then he thought of Tommy, his love that was never returned. Adam felt sad thinking about it and guilty for thinking of it.
His mind slowly wandered off the topic of cute, blonde boys and strayed back to the record company.
"Fuck," he muttered under his breath.
All his hard work, gone, just like that. Adam sighed, there was nothing he could do about it, really, but he still felt angry.
And now, that anger was creeping up to him again. He worked so hard at the studio last week, thinking that this week he could spend more time with Sauli, but no, someone just had to mess up!
"Won't it be awesome to have two of me?" Adam said to himself, swirling his glass of vodka lightly, "Or at least take away this angry part of me..."
"That's an easy solution, my friend."
Adam looked up at the voice, eyes meeting a young man who looked about in his early twenties but yet, the wisdom in his greenish eyes seemed much more mature.
"Excuse me?" Adam said.
The young man chuckled softly, "I'm sorry about your problems, your expression, it shows that you are upset."
Adam smiled weakly, "Yeah, more than upset actually."
"Let me take away some of that horrible emotion?" the young man asked before taking out a small vial from his pocket.
The vial could easily hide in the man's hands, the small bottle was cylindrical with a thin neck that was topped off with a small cork plugging the top. Intertwining gold and blue swirls circled the bottle. The glass was transparent, showing the strange clear liquid inside. The last thing Adam noticed was a tag on a string around the bottle's neck.
"Sorry, I don't do drugs or anything," Adam shook his head.
"It is not, my friend, it is the solution you seek," the young man smiled.
Adam could see the spark of wisdom in those eyes again, along with something else that told him that this stranger was not lying.
"To drink it or not, that is your choice," the man continued, "But to keep, you must."
The man smiled again, "No part of the bottle is to be apart, not even the tag and to drink every drop is the rule."
Adam nodded absentmindedly, hands reaching out to touch the small vial. The unknown liquid inside was attracting him like a moth to a flame.
Adam glanced up to talk to the young man again, but he was greeted to no one. He frowned and looked around.
He turned back towards the front and looked down into his hands, the vial sitting there innocently.
"Do I drink?" he said softly.
Adam thought for a moment, eyes following the swirling patterns that twirled around one another, his thumb subconsciously pushed against the bottle's cork. The soft pop was almost silent but was loud enough to make Adam jump, he watched the cork roll on the counter before eyeing the liquid again.
It was as if his hand had a mind of its own, his eyes widened as the vial was brought to his lips. The liquid was sweet and a little tangy. It was cool and made his lips tingle.
He really hoped this was not some drug.
Adam downed every drop like the man said. He looked at the clear vial now and frowned. He swore the swirls were interconnected before, now they seemed to clearly separated, gold and blue as if avoiding each other.
It must be the alcohol messing with him. Adam touched the tag attached to it and held it up, a few lines were written on it.
Dark and Light To balance and work together But to split and wander Is a good thing For some hours
Adam frowned, the words did not make sense, and honestly, the poetry was not very good if it was meant to be one. Oh well, he wrote songs anyway, not judge poetry. Besides, too late to worry now.
Adam licked his lips, the tangy taste already gone. It was as if he never drank anything at all. He took the cork and placed it back on top of the bottle, remembering that stranger's words.
Tommy's voice broke his trance, making him turn to see the blonde walking back towards him.
"Hey," Adam greeted in return, quickly putting the empty vial into his jacket pocket.
"How much did you drink when I was gone?" Tommy asked immediately after settling back down.
"Why do you ask?" Adam quirked a brow.
"Well, your face... tells me you drank some when I was away," Tommy pressed his lips tight as if not amused, "I think it's time you go home."
"If you bring me," Adam grinned.
"You are such a girl, now come on," Tommy laughed.
"Rakas, you are home!" Sauli exclaimed when he opened the door.
"Yeah, Tommy made sure I did."
"Thank you, Tommy," Sauli held Adam's arm.
"No prob," Tommy smiled, he could not help but wish that he was the one taking Adam to bed.
'What the fuck am I thinking, they are together,' his mind screamed.
"Well, anyway, good night you two," Tommy forced a smile and quickly turned and went back to his car.
Sauli watched Tommy for awhile, frowning a little. Something was wrong, he was worried but right now, he had to take care of Adam.
"Are you drunk, Rakas?" he asked, giggled a little as he guided Adam to the couch.
"I'll get you some water," Sauli petted Adam's leg before going off to the kitchen.
Adam nodded, "I'm not that drunk," he slurred. He really was not, but somehow he felt lethargic and a little dizzy. Could it be that stuff he drank? Shit, what if it was poison or something?
Adam cracked open his eyes to see Sauli by his side again, a glass of water in his hand.
"Thank you, baby," he smiled gratefully.
He took the glass, it was close to his lips when his hand suddenly shook, spilling almost half the water in the glass onto his jacket.
"Ah!" Sauli immediately took the glass and could not help but laugh at Adam's shocked expression.
"Nooooooooo," Adam whined dramatically.
Sauli continued to laugh, he put the glass onto the counter next to the sofa and moved to take Adam's jacket off.
"Go and sleep, Rakas, I'll take care of this," the Finn smothered his laughter.
Adam sighed and kissed Sauli on the cheek before standing up to head to the bedroom.
"Come quick, okay?" the singer asked when he was just about to enter the room.
Sauli nodded, cheeks flushing lightly. He watched Adam disappear into their bedroom before standing up and picking up the glass of water again.
The Finn walked to the kitchen with both the jacket and the glass. He placed the jacket on the counter and went to rinse the glass in the sink.
The sound immediately caught Sauli's attention. He turned around and walked to the counter. His blue eyes spotted a small bottle near Adam's black jacket.
Sauli picked it up and looked at it. He examined the bi-coloured swirls and read the tag, but it just made him more confused.
The Finn gave up on the strange words on the tag and placed the small vial on the living room table, he'll ask Adam about it tomorrow.
Sauli hung the jacket up to dry and quickly went to bed, smiling as he fell asleep in Adam's arms.
Sauli rubbed his eyes as he woke. He turned over to see Adam still sleeping, a very peaceful expression on his face.
It made him smile and Sauli inched himself close to the dozing man.
"I love you," he whispered softly, he normally said it in Finnish but every once in awhile, he liked saying it in English, it made him feel like he could show off his love for Adam.
"I love you too," came the soft reply.
Sauli's head shot up, blue eyes meeting equally blue ones. He would have smiled and kissed Adam right there but something was not right.
Adam did not have crystal blue eyes.
"A-Adam, are you okay?"
Adam grinned wide, "Of course I am! I love you so much!"
Sauli gasped when Adam suddenly wrapped his arms around him, hugging him tight and close. He froze when he heard familiar noises, shower noises to be exact.
"Someone's in the shower!?" he cried out.
"It's okay," Adam continued grinning.
"Ei!"(No!) Sauli really screamed this time and pulled away from Adam.
He froze again when he heard the sound of the bathroom door swinging open, followed by footsteps that got closer and closer.
Sauli nearly fainted when the person who appeared at the door was none other than Adam.
I took out a needle from my pocket. My so called boss always gave these things to me, I was reluctant at first but when I finally tried it all my worries seemed to disappear; even if it was for a limited time. I carefully eyed the silver liquid in the tube- my eyes began to water. This is what I am now, a good for nothing drug addict. A homeless one at that.
I held the tip of my needle against my neck as tears rolled down my cheeks. My thumb pressed down slightly on the needle.
The needle was yanked away from my skin and a fuming Adam stood before me. I put my face in my hands and begun sobbing. I couldn't even think anymore.
"Tommy, what the hell are you doing?!"
"Why do you care?!" I yelled through my tears.
"Is it not fucking obvious!" he retorted back in annoyance "I tried to take you from that shitty strip club, I couldn't let that asshole beat you and I brought you back here hoping you'd be safe! I DO CARE!!"
"But why?! I'm blackmailing you!" I grabbed my phone that was at the side of my bed and tossed it to the other male. On the screen was the video of him jacking off, but what I didn't realize was that he'd be able to see the amount of times I've watched it; which was 135 times to date
The raven haired male turned off the video and pushed my phone aside. He had the chance to delete the video, but surprisingly he didn't. Where were these guy's priorities?
"Give me the reason why you treat yourself like trash Tommy, I want to know why you'd be so stupid"
"Mind your own business!" I choked out trying to wipe my tears away. I reached for my phone with trembling hands. "Thanks for letting m-me stay a-and the f-food" I stuttered as I tried to stand up. I felt jolting pain rush up my body. I guess my body was a still very weak.
"What do you think you're doing? You don't think I can just let you go after this do you?" he questioned.
"I can't stay with you Adam. I can't even as much as look at you anymore!" I fell back onto the bed involuntarily; I couldn't bare the pain building up in my body anymore. I panted for breath. I have to get out of here. I need to get out . "I'll crawl out of here if I have to."
"Why can't you look at me?!" he rushed to my side trying to support my body but I shoved him away.
I wasn't even thinking anymore. "Because I love you okay!" I bit my tongue and turned away shaking my head. Fuck, what did I just say "No..I didn't mean that.."
Adam's eyes widened at my confession and my denial. The raven crawled forward and laid a hand on my shoulder. "You didn't mean it? Are you sure?" his voice was barely above a whisper.
More tears trickled down my cheeks "No, I didn't. I hate you" I lied and shook his hand off my shoulder. "I hate you!" I screamed. I put my hands to my face to cover up the embarrassment of my tears. Nobody has seen me weep like this before.
I heard Adam gulp beside me; it was obvious I had just hurt him. He had just saved my life and here I was telling him I hated him. Here I was lying to his face.
"So it would mean shit to you if I said I loved you ?"
I turned to him with a tear drenched face. A little hope showing in my eyes as I stared at him.
Adam reached to my face and wiped my tears away with the back of his hand "Would it mean nothing to you if I said the thought of you leaving and putting yourself in danger scares the sit out of me..?"
I clinged to his larger frame and buried my face into his chest. I wrapped my arms around his waist hugging him tightly. "Tommy, I know you've been alone and scared before but you won't be anymore" he reassured as his arms tightened around me "I love you" he kissed the top of my head tenderly.
"Why I'm so mean to you" I whispered, not willing to look at his face.
He chuckled at that "I actually don't really know. I just do, once you let me get to know you; I saw a clearer image of you."He paused "Why do you love me?" he asked as he buried his face in my hair. Was he as confused as me? Was he as insecure?
"You're the only one that has ever cared for me.; really cared, the rest just use me for their own gain" I smiled and pulled away from his chest "Plus I like watching you jerk yourself off.."
I saw a light tint of red on his cheeks as he laughed nervously "Oh, does it turn you on?"Did he suddenly feel the need to toy with me?
"I'm not answering that"
He continued smirking down at me. Was this an evil streak of his? "What was it Tommy? The moaning or the pumping, huh?" he whispered sensually in my ear.
I bit my lip feeling very uncomfortable "uhhh " my gaze wandered to the window "Can I not answer?" I felt my cheeks heating up.
"You don't have to answer" he laughed "I was just toying with you"
"Yeah, cause the main thing I was looking at in the video was your swollen dick and your ecstasy driven face" I smiled devilishly "Too bad I couldn't zoom in well on my phone though."
It was hard to imagine I was bawling my eyes out a few minutes ago, now I was having a dirty talk with the boy I was crushing on. Why does life work this way? What's the need to have all these conflicting emotions anyway?
"Aw, poor pervy Tommy has no zoom" he teased
"We're going to be one awkward couple you know " I said nervously as I threw the blanket covers over my head.
"That definitely goes into the 'No Shit' category, seeing as how we became acquainted over you using a video of me masturbating as black mail."
"I know this sounds weird but" I slowly tore the covers away from myself "..can I hold your hand?". I was certain my face was a bright shade of red by now.
Adam just smiled at my sudden request "It's not weird" he took my hand in his holding it there securely. I smiled at the sight, feeling an outburst of happiness overwhelm me. He leaned forward giving me a soft kiss on my lips.
"I don't think I'm in any shape to go to school tomorrow. I think I'll just go back to my dorm, pack my stuff and find a decent place to live."
"I'll help with your stuff, I'm skipping too. If you need to find a place, I'll help with that too. But you do know you can stay here" he gestured to the room we were in. As much as I wanted to I couldn't just impose on his life like that could I?
"I can't bother you like that Adam, and don't start skipping school like me. I'll be okay" I reassured him with a smile.
"Fine, I won't skip; no matter how much I don't care about that shit-hole" he sighed. He must have hated that school just as much as me. "But you wouldn't be a bother. I'm not forcing you to stay; I just want you to know that it IS an option." Just then I saw a glint in his eyes- a hopeful glint. It was as clear as day that he wanted me to stay with him.
"If I do stay I'll help you and your mom with cooking, cleaning and stuff as well as try to find another job". Adam's expression changed completely at that, he nodded happily.
"Deal. As long as you don't go back to that awful strip club, anything like It or anything worse, then fine"
I looked at him devilishly "But, if I did strip for you that would be okay right?" I smirked "You'd love that, wouldn't you?"
The raven swallowed, not saying a thing for a moment. It was obvious he was trying to think of a comeback. "I don't know how I'd feel, I felt dirty for even getting slightly turned on when I tried to get you out of there". Slightly turned on? That was a serious understatement mister.
I suddenly felt a stinging sensation around my hip area. When my so called 'boss' pushed me to the table before I must have gotten hurt. "Adam, I need your help with something" I whispered.
"What is it?" he gulped nervously.
I unzipped my pants pushing the fabric down slightly; I could see Adam blush opposite me. Without the need to reveal my privates, only my pelvic bone I showed him a thick splinter that was buried in my skin "I can't get it out "I whimpered softly, trying not to show the pain I felt.
"You need me to try and get it out?" he replied. What a dumb question.
I stared at him with a WTF look on my face "You can't be serious"
"Pull it out" I pleaded "Please"
"I-I'll try Tommy, I just don't want to hurt you.." he moved closer to me and pinched the splinter, carefully removing it; he was really gentle, it was as if he was worried he'd hurt me.
A little blood trickled down my bare skin and stained the bed sheets "Damn, I'm so sorry Adam!" I eyed the tainted sheets.
"Don't apologize, Tommy" he sighed "I'll get a cloth for you to wipe the blood with; make that two, you may need another cloth to rub alcohol and disinfectant on it" with that he left only to return a few minutes later with the materials he had mentioned before in hand. He poured the contents of the alcohol bottle on a cloth and rubbed it over my wound.
After he was done, I decided to tease him. I pulled my pants lower, showing just tinge of my pubic hair "Think you should pull my pants completely off?" I winked.
As expected his face heated up "Ok, you should know this by now-you really turn me on and this is hard to resist but I'm not going to risk you hurting yourself by us fooling around You're still injured Tommy" he advised and went back to dabbing my wound carefully.
This raven haired male in front of me really cared about my wellbeing, didn't he?
I pouted sadly "You won't suck it for me?" I wasn't referring to the wound.
Adam just chuckled in response "And why would you need it sucked? I can kiss it for you "
"I want you to kiss my head"
He smiled as he leaned forward giving my forehead a light peck. Awww Adam, I didn't mean my forehead. Instead of showing disappointment I wrapped my hands around his neck and pulled him down for a kiss. "Damn, you're so beautiful Adam"
"Not as beautiful as you"
With the strength I had left I pushed him down on the bed and got on top of him. Adam sighed and held me there but did nothing more "What are you thinking Tommy?"
I just smiled at him as I cuddled into his chest purring silently "Goodnight"
He ran his hand through my hair before kissing the top of my head. He then held me tightly against his chest.
This was never the way I planned, not my intention I got so brave, drink in hand, lost my discretion It's not what I'm used to, just wanna try you on I'm curious for you caught my attention
"Tommy! Big news!" I looked up from my book, moving from laying down to a siting position. I don't recall leaving the door to my apartment unlocked, but... Adam always found a way to get inside. Adam gripped my shoulders, a huge smile on his face. I blinked, smiling slightly. Before I could ask, he burst it out. "I have a boyfriend!" My eyes widened slightly, and a smile grew on my face. He was so excited, like a little kid having his first crush. I laughed and placed a bookmark in the book I was reading. "Name?" "Sauli," he rushed out, and blushed just as he said the name. I smiled a little more. It was so sweet, seeing someone in the honeymoon phase. I felt bad, though. The cutesy little romances would fade after a while, and there would eventually be a fight. I'd have to comfort Adam as he cried, I might have to yell at Sauli... the day would come. But hopefully, that day may not come for a long time, if they are truly right for each other. "I need to meet him," I joked, pushing Adam's hands off my shoulders, since he was squeezing them to the point to where they were sore. Suddenly, Adam's phone signaled he had a text, and his face just beamed. I could tell he got a text from Sauli, and he was ecstatic. It was really cute... wait, what? I mentally slapped myself. I'm the one who's 2 feet shorter than Adam. Well, I guess size doesn't matter when it comes to cuteness?
I kissed a girl and I liked it, the taste of her cherry chapstick I kissed a girl just to try it, I hope my boyfriend don't mind it It felt so wrong, it felt so right, don't mean I'm in love tonight I kissed a girl and I liked it, I liked it
The next day, Adam told me that he was bringing Sauli to meet me. I sat on my couch, stretched out, when I heard the doorbell ring. It must be them. I stepped over to the door and swung it open, seeing Adam, and... "This is Sauli," Adam grinned, bringing in a small, short blond. I blinked; he actually... sort of looked like me. Body-wise. Without the tattoos. I stepped aside, letting them inside my house. "I'm Tommy," I smiled, holding out my hand and letting Sauli shake it. "I've heard a lot about you. And I mean... a lot." I smirked and Sauli blushed, getting my joke. "T-Tommy!" Adam saw Sauli turn pink. "You just meet him and you're already making perverted comments? The fuck?" Sauli laughed and Adam joined in, seeing that the blond didn't care. "You're calling me a pervert, Adam?" I winked. "When you're the one that did this and that to Sauli?" Adam blushed, knowing he probably said a lot while he was drunk the other night. I burst out laughing and Sauli giggled, lacing his fingers with Adam's. I turned around and smiled, seeing them exchange a small peck on the lips. They really were sweet together, and their relationship was really helping Adam's determination to make a new album. He was dead on ideas until a few months ago, when he met Sauli. I remember trying to help him with lyrics, but quite honestly, I suck. So I was really no help then. (Poor Tommy xD)
No, I don't even know your name, it doesn't matter You're my experimental game, just human nature It's not what good girls do, not how they should behave My head gets so confused, hard to obey
Another week passed of seeing cute little Adam and Sauli moments. Adam was always in a great mood, and it was so much fun to hang out with him. The honeymoon phase was always the best part of the relationship, in my opinion. I was watching Lost on my big, flat-screen TV when I heard footsteps behind me. I smirked. I knew it was Adam, and he always thought he was as silent as a mouse, when really I heard him breathing. I pretended that I didn't notice him, and suddenly, arms wrapped around my neck and Adam went, "Gotcha!" in my ear. I jumped and laughed as he pulled away, coming over to me and sitting down. "Watching Lost again?" Adam asked, and I nodded, yawning slightly. I rolled over so that I was laying on my back, staring at the ceiling. "I've seen this episode a million times," I mumbled. Adam stared at the TV for a moment. "I think I've seen this part too," Adam trailed off, then nodded. "Yeah, I think last week I watched part of this with you." "It's a good episode," I shrugged slightly, placing my hands under my head to cushion it. Suddenly, I wasn't looking at the ceiling. I was looking into icy blue eyes, and my heart pounded. Adam smiled and his bangs dangled in front of my face. He always did this sort of thing. He did little flirty things with me, and I always got worked up about it. It was so embarrassing...
I kissed a girl and I liked it, the taste of her cherry chapstick I kissed a girl just to try it, I hope my boyfriend don't mind it It felt so wrong, it felt so right, don't mean I'm in love tonight I kissed a girl and I liked it, I liked it
Us girls we are so magical, soft skin, red lips, so kissable Hard to resist, so touchable, too good to deny it It ain't no big deal, it's innocent
He was just smiling, so I smiled as well, and reached up, batting at his bangs like a cat. He laughed and swished his head around, making his hair swish from side to side. His knee nudged in between my legs, and I flushed red, my heart thumping. Adam, thankfully, didn't notice, and my hands flopped down. "This is why I call you pretty kitty," he smirked. "Even though you don't like cats." "They scare me!" I whined. "But you're just like one, and you aren't scary at all," Adam smiled and poked my nose as he said "you're." I glanced to the side, blushing a little from Adam's leg. I swear, he was doing this on purpose to get me horny or something. I was 99% sure he listened to me masturbate after he got me a hard-on. I had no other choice!! "Adam," I murmured. He blinked, looking down at me. "Yes?" I pulled on the back of his neck, leaned up, and kissed him. At first, he was frozen with shock. But I prodded my tongue against his lips, and he opened up, his tongue tangling with mine. He then got into it, moaning slightly and kissing me back rougher than I was. Once our kiss broke, I was flushed red, and he smiled. "What was that for, pretty kitty?" "I-I just wanted to kiss you," I muttered, looking off to the side. He smiled and ruffled my hair. I blushed a little more. "But, don't worry, I know you love Sauli. I love you two. I just... don't know what came over me..." "Tommy." I looked into his eyes, my heart beating. "There's such thing as 'friends-with-benefits' you know," he winked sexily, and I found myself blushing more. "R-Right..." "Haven't we always been that way?" "Yeah..." I blinked. "Yeah, we have." I smiled slightly. "But it was always on stage only..." "True." Adam smiled. "We can do it backstage, too." My heart sped up again, and Adam saw my embarrassment, and laughed. "Are you okay with that?" "Y-Yeah..." I nodded. "Yeah, I... want that." Adam smirked and nuzzled me, kissing my jaw. I shivered and gripped his shoulders, but Adam stood, getting off of me and standing next to the couch. "But I'm always gonna leave you like that!~" Adam pointed to my jeans, and I looked down, seeing that I... had an issue. My eyes widened and I whipped myself up to my feet as Adam ran to the door. "GODDAMN YOU, LAMBERT!!" He would always be my best friend. ...Even if he was fucking evil.
I kissed a girl and I liked it, the taste of her cherry chapstick I kissed a girl just to try it, I hope my boyfriend don't mind it It felt so wrong, it felt so right, don't mean I'm in love tonight I kissed a girl and I liked it, I liked it
I just think that this is quite realistic. Okay, yeah, it's fanfiction, but can't you really see something like this happening? I'm 98% sure that Adam and Tommy have some sort of FWB relationship. 8D I know that it'd be epic if they were in a romantic relationship, but hey. I do like Adam/Sauli, because they make a cute couple. And I am a huge Adommy shipper. It'd be bad if Adam and Tommy got in a serious relationship, because what if they fought or broke up? What about Tommy's effin job!? It's better that they're FWB. No deep feelings, but flirty stuff and crushes. Nothing harmful 8D
Don't you agree this is possible? C: Unless Sauli was against that kinda stuff. But I think they do... some things backstage. ;3
An original poem I wrote enjoy... I've decided to take a break form writing my story (chill of night) for a weekjust to gather my ideas and stuff so I'll probably be writing a lot of poetry like this... sorry about the delay but I promise I'll be back writing my story soon!
Inject me with the deadly serum And I will pop the pills. Pour me a glass of murder And watch it as it kills.
Drown me in my blood red tears And stab me in the heart. Poison me with all my fears And see me fall apart.
I'll scream "Thank You for the Poison" As I slowly drift away. "Thank You for the love aswell though I can no longer stay."
It’s afternoon. One of those very quiet afternoons when even in a busy high class hotel, you can almost hear the silent whispers of emptiness. It’s like if you make the slightest move, you’d be disrespecting the world. That’s when a loud knock is heard on Tommy’s hotel room. And when he turns to the door, the sound is so unbelievable in the serene loneliness of his room, that he almost thinks he imagined it. Yet after a moment, he stands up from his chair by the window, and goes to the door. “Yeah?” For a second when he hears Tommy’s soft voice, Adam hesitates, regrets coming here. Returning to those feelings of self-doubt, of how this is stupid, and why is he here even? He should be in his own room now, sleeping the day off and relaxing his throat for the concert tomorrow. But instead he is here. Suddenly standing in front of Tommy’s door like a lost man, like he can’t go anywhere else, this is the only place he can be. And well, one second is too short to reconsider a decision and the door is open now, revealing Tommy, who looks like he really didn’t expect Adam to be there at all. Why should he expect him anyway? It’s been a long time since they’ve hung out. Adam doesn’t remember the last time he and Tommy were alone in a room, just the two of them with no work to do, and things to discuss. Just being near each other, Close. But Tommy smiles, and his eyes become a night full of fireworks. “Adam!?” “Hey!” Adam smiles back, unable to help himself. Looking into his guitarist’s eyes. OH! When did Tommy become just his guitarist, and not his friend? He freezes for a moment and slaps himself inwardly. Tommy is his friend. He has always been. For nearly 4 years. And Adam always remembers that story. He brags on about it every night on stage, hinting on how people know Tommy from GlamNation and before. Tommy is not just his guitarist, far from it, he tells himself. Or if he is, Adam is going to fix that soon. Tommy doesn’t seem to pick up on his reverie though, and turns around and goes inside while offering Adam to come in. Adam goes, hesitantly stepping into Tommy’s room, and it’s strange. It’s like he’s going somewhere that feels familiar, feels right to be there, but still it’s been so long, that he’s not sure what he’s doing. It’s a common hotel room, with only small hints of its current occupant’s personality. With guitars standing on one side and a chair near the window where Tommy has obviously been sitting by a lot. Tommy loves watching people, watching the busy world. Ha! Adam still knows Tommy. Tommy’s more than a guitarist for sure. While Adam steps near the chair absently, Tommy goes to the minibar, turning his head and asking, “Beer?” Adam looks at him, watching the makeup-free beauty, who stares back at him. “Yup. Thanks.” He smiles. Feeling a slight calmness in himself for now, he goes and sits on the couch. Tommy tosses him the beer and sits on a chair in front of him, which makes Adam a bit disappointed because he knows Tommy’s scent is always warm and soothing. HE KNOWS! HE DID NOT REMEMBER THAT JUST NOW AT THE DOOR! He mentally kicks himself. Tommy looks at Adam intently. He doesn’t know what to make of this. Why is Adam here? Something must be wrong. Maybe some new song on the set to rehearse or something. But Adam usually talks about that stuff in band rehearsals, not on a day off. Tommy knows whatever it is, it’s not going to be bad. He trusts Adam. Adam Always knows where he’s going. That’s why Tommy has chosen to go with him wherever he goes. It’s a pleasant task actually. Standing right behind someone you trust, supporting him. If Adam needs Tommy’s help now, he doesn’t even need to ask if Tommy wants to help. For Adam he does everything he can. “So,” he begins, looking at Adam’s eyes, sharing a look with him and smiling a bit. “Is everything okay, bossman? What brings you here?” Suddenly Adam’s eyes go sharp, a hint of shock and disapproval in the tense clench of his hands. Tommy stares back at him, losing his own nerve a bit. “Adam? Is anything wrong?” Adam shakes his head and puts the beer on the coffee table. “No.” He goes for nonchalant. “Everything’s fine… just…” he hesitates. Tommy cocks his head. “Hmm? What?” “Just… uh… why did you… did you… call me bossman?” Tommy frowns in confusion. “Yeah?” Suddenly he gets very uneasy, tensing and sitting straight in his chair, looking shocked, and kinda scared. “You’re my boss anyway... aintcha? What’s the problem then?” Adam looks at him for a moment, sees the hint of fear in his eyes and kicks himself for making him think he’s getting fired. Immediately he changes tactics and starts laughing, mischievously looking at Tommy and rolling with laughter. Tommy gets the joke and laughs hysterically, raising his foot and kicking Adam lightly on the knee, the slight warmth seeping into Adam’s jeans. “You jerk!” Adam opens his eyes wide and sticks his tongue out. “You love me!” Tommy laughs at his silliness. “Oh, fuck I do, don’t I? I love your evil ass, motherfucker.” He nudges him again, warming Adam’s world in just a moment, and suddenly everything is right. Adam feels it completely. He feels the closeness, the bond between them again, the long forgotten intimate aura of breathing in Tommy’s air, living in Tommy’s space. And for the first time since he stepped into this room today, he acknowledges the sense of belonging in himself. He sobers up then, the large smile not leaving his lips yet, looking into Tommy’s gorgeous eyes. He shuffles closer to Tommy, and tells him, “Nothing’s wrong, man. I’m just here to hang out, okay? I fuckin’ hate to say this, but just like old times? Let’s live them anew so they won’t be old anymore, shall we?” And he winks, still wearing his smirk on his face. Something lightens Tommy’s mood with those words. His smile grows and he nods in a very casual Tommy-cute way. Adam looks at him, watches the way the pale skin of his neck hides under the black T-shirt frustratingly. His small rough fingers hold the can loosely, while he brings it up and takes a gulp, wetting those lips. Yep! Tommy IS way more than just a guitarist to him, for sure. “So whataya wanna do, bossman?” Adam glares at Tommy childishly and says, “Now I’m your boss, huh?” Tommy snickers. “It’s not like we don’t know how you get a kick outta hearing that word, Lambert!” And the motherfucker winks. Adam makes a sound that’s suspiciously very similar to a growl and says, “Not sure about the others, but I guess you have very interesting reasons why you like to call me your boss, kitten. Dontcha?!” Tommy keeps snickering and says, “Oh yeah. Very interesting. Haha! Now come on, dawg. Tell me what makes you come back to me alone? Is something up?” Adam looks away slightly. “No... Not really. I just wanted to… I don’t know… hang out?” “Well that’s no news, Adam; you do hang out a lot, but not with me. Where are Terrance and Johnny? Are they okay?” Adam looks at him a bit hurt again and admits, “I wanted to hang out with you, TommyJoe. Not them.” Tommy looks a bit surprised. “Well thank you, really, but that’s… a bit weird Adam. We rarely hang out without others. Why didn’t you call Brian and Ashley or the others? Wanna call them? We can always put on a movie and chill, hmm? Get a little rest from the rush of the concerts, distract ourselves…” Adam sighs then, taking a sip of his drink, and saying in quiet voice, “No, I mean… I’d like that idea, but I don’t wanna be around others right now.” Tommy is quiet then, breathing in the silence and obviously thinking, the sound of the wheels turning in his head the only sound in the quiet afternoon of the hotel room. Then he looks up and says, “Ok man, whatever you want. If you want old times, old times we do. Now, are you ready for a round of Velvet Goldmine?” Adam looks at him and smiles. “You have the CD here? Really?” “Oh no. Haha. I have it on my laptop. I believe the TV has an HDMI port or something, it should be in …” “No, thanks. Please, Tommy. Could we just sit here and talk? A bit?” Tommy looks back at Adam quizzically and nods, taking a sip of his beer again. “Ok man. What is it? I knew when you came here you had something on your mind anyway… you don’t just come to me and knock on my door usually…” Adam swallows and looks at him then. At his paler than pale skin, and his wavering eyes which betray the strong set of his jaw, the way he wants to look certain and reliable. Adam knows this. Knows him. TommyJoe Ratliff is one tough motherfucker. He’s ready for anything. And that’s why Adam’s here. But he can’t bear this intense moment anymore. He stands up and goes to the large arm chair, passing it slightly and going to the window. He opens it, breathes in the crisp air of March in Kiev. “I… I don’t know myself either. He lets out the breath, looking out at the abandoned streets of downtown. All his life, he’s been performing for people, getting comfortable with living and rising in front of their eyes. Basking in their attention. But here, where he is going to be himself instead of a mask of an over exaggerated funky character, it feels like everyone has left him alone. It’s only him and Tommy. Suddenly a rush of nostalgia makes him choke on his next breath. He wants to go back_ back when it wasn’t only Tommy left for him. Tommy was new and fresh, like a beautiful song to be premiered, and his eyes weren’t just a pool of familiar compassion to run to and cling to whenever his miseries closed in on him. Those eyes were lit by the sparks of rapture and anticipation. All the way back to 2009, when life was singing your ass off and smiling at the excited audience afterwards. When his life was so full, but yet so empty, so full of the enthusiasm and so empty of the adversity of this life. Back, before he fell into this bottomless hole of giving, giving and giving. Where nothing stays the way it always will. Nothing but the crazy circle of concerts, and the flood of interviews and the continuous screams of the fans in his ears. No one stays with him, not even the friends and boyfriends of years, nor the colleagues of years of working in Theatre and the music industry. When he turns his head now, he just sees a troupe of his own employees who follow him around, and have become his family. While he knows after this mini tour and starting the new album he may never see any of them around himself. The same thing that happened with the GlamNation troupe, and American Idol troupe, and Citizen Vein motherfuckers, and the Wicked people, and … and… he feels like he is cursed. Cursed to be lonely, and abandoned. It’s stupid. He knows this. He knows he has his friends, and his glamily, he knows he has a world worth of fans. But … He doesn’t have anyone for himself. No one is his. No one wants to be his, because he is cursed to travel around the world and get so far from anyone he knows that no one can stay with him. No one stays with him. A tear betrays his pride and rolls down his face, wetting his cheek and making his face hot. “Adam?” “No one stays with me…” “Adam–” he hears Tommy rushing to his side and feels him slide their hands together, his breath tickling near his shoulder. “Adam you’re crying–” “No one stays with me.” He sighs. Staring at the completely empty city, the empty buildings look like huge skeletons of dead monsters sitting around the abandoned streets. He looks up and glares at the cloudy sky with tear-filled eyes, roaring, “No one wants to be mine! The roads to my heart are empty Tommy… so … empty.” He collapses back then, brushing against Tommy and falling heavily into the arm chair before holding his hands to his face to block the view from his bloodshot eyes. Tommy kneels in front of him, digs his hands in his hair and holds his face in front of himself. “Adam. What the fuck? You are shaking. Dammit! Tell me who upset you and made such a mess, I’m gonna kick their fuckin’ ass. Look at me. What’s wrong?” Now maybe is the best time for Tommy’s soothing aroma and soft voice to fill his senses. Except that his voice isn’t soft at all. In fact, it’s angry and loud. Demanding answers and attention. At this very moment, Adam feels like a girl in his embrace, crying his eyes out and hiding himself in his arms. Tommy presses Adam’s face to his own chest and demands again, “Tell me Adam. Just spill and I’ll have their ass handed to them. Tell me. Who didn’t stay? Who doesn’t want you? Did…” Tommy gasps suddenly, pushing Adam’s head and making him look into his eyes with that wet gaze of his. “Sauli? Did …” Adam shakes his head, looking away. Sauli is not the only one anyway, but Tommy is going to see red of course. Adam knows this. Knew from the beginning. And now that it’s happening, he can’t help admitting to himself that he came here and told Tommy for this. To see his reaction. To assure himself that Tommy is still Tommy, and of course Tommy is angry. He presses Adam possessively to his own chest, and at the same time standing and climbing in his lap, burying Adam into himself, until no one can tell where Tommy finishes and Adam begins. This is something that only Tommy gives Adam. He always knew Tommy would be on his side, that he can always trust Tommy won’t leave his side until this pain subsides. In Tommy’s arms he finds out that he made the best decision by coming here. Where could he go anyway? No one would know how he feels, and no one would care enough to do anything productive to help him, and it’s not their fault either. They just can’t. They will say they’re sorry and wish the best for him but they can’t help. They’re not… they’re not Tommy. It’s like Tommy is bigger than this. More powerful than all of his misery. It’s like when Tommy demands everything to be okay, everything should be alright. He thinks it’s because Tommy is larger than his problems, and his loneliness. Tommy is the biggest contrary to his empty feeling. He looks at Tommy and frowns. He feels so empty inside, but here he has this man in his arms, worrying for him like always, threatening to bring down everything that’s hurting him, unaware of the fact that he is doing that just by being here, not leaving ever. “You know it’s not Sauli’s fault, right? You know him. It’s just… he is tired of …” “I know, Adam.” Adam looks at him a bit taken aback. “You know? What do you know?” “He’s talked to me about it. About the distance, and his own loneliness, and of how he’s tired of house sitting in a foreign country while you’re gone. He said he is tired, and he didn’t know what to do.” Adam is dumbfounded. “Really? And when was that?” “A long time ago… actually, I thought he’d figured it out, but apparently he blew it.” “Why did he talk to you instead of me?” “He talked to many instead of you. I was just one of them. He told me he thinks I know you better than anyone, because we’re always attached at the hips or something.” With his sore throat, this last part made Adam snort anyway. “What? Me and you are attached? What the hell?” “Well I think he read too many fanfictions.” “Really?! Fanfictions?” “You didn’t know?” Tommy smiles at that, his guarded mood lightening a bit. “Well he told me he did, and thought they were not far from the real deal.” Adam’s eyes go wide. “What? My boyfriend thinks I’m a brutal vampire who’s into S&M?” Tommy looks at him warily and quietly says, “No, he thinks that you … that you… distance yourself from him because you’re close to me… or …” Adam stands up, dumping Tommy on the chair. “What the fucking hell?” Tommy gazes at him carefully, “He said…” “I don’t wanna know what the hell he has to say. He was … you don’t know anything Tommy, you don’t know what a pain it’s been for me to make him believe I don’t touch anyone when I’m on tour.” “No! He didn’t doubt you, Adam. He wasn’t suspicious … about … us…” Adam paced around. “God Tommy, I can’t believe this. It’s so fucking ridiculous. I’ve been bragging on about how stupid some of those crazy girls out there are to think there’s anything but friendship between me and you, we called them fucking delusional! And now my own boyfriend thinks those antics on stage mean shit to me? I’m ashamed of myself. How we upset some of our fans while we had a very delusional Sauli right there.” Tommy looks away, hurt. And Adam is too worked up right now to get why. “What is it?” “Nothing.” Like that quiet voice doesn’t sound like an angry shout itself. Adam goes and sits by him, searching his face. Tommy looks back slowly and starts to speak. “Don’t worry, I told Sauli that those antics don’t mean shit to you…” Adam goes rigid, a chill running down his spine and a sting in his chest at what he hears in Tommy’s voice. “Tom…Tommy?” “Listen Adam.” “No, you listen,” Adam demanded this time around, suddenly aware of everything he’s missed on in the sorry excuse of his life these past three years. “Sauli didn’t tell you the entire story, did he? And who cares? I don’t anymore. I mean now I see how it is, and I still understand he’s not to blame… not really. It’s me. I know it is. It’s my fucking life not his. Why should he deal with the distance and loneliness that’s a huge part of my life anyway? He doesn’t need this. Doesn’t need me. No one needs any one so desperately to throw themselves at them and get swept off their feet, travel half of the planet to another continent to be with them, to be left alone most of the year with a TV and a juicer. No one needs this misery. Why should they wanna stick by me anyway? They all have better places to be. Sauli can find a new boyfriend with more money, and less drama. Why me? Monte can find a bigger name than me, get rid of this old friend and go back to larger tours, larger names, larger fucking venues, larger lives. All of them are like that, aren’t they? Are there going to be any differences? Should I be looking for anything or anyone different anymore? Huh?! What the hell did he mean even? Looking for an excuse to run away by talking to you, telling you about the fanfictions he read about us? God! How desperate am I?! My boyfriend is looking for a scape from me in fan-fucking-fictions, referring to my cray haters about me. What the fuck happened to me?” “You’re going too far, Adam. He never said he believes them. He never said you cheated.” “Then what the fuck did he mean talking about those bullshit stories?” “He … it wasn’t just that. He thought he…” Tommy fidgets a bit, collecting himself and moving a hand in his blonde locks. Adam looks at his nervous behavior. “Tommy? Did he…?” “No! It was just his assumptions… and I just denied all of it. Told him that there’s nothing between us really, assured him that we’re just band members. He knew this. He never really accused us, it’s just… he thought there was still something underneath that you never talk about…” Adam stares, feeling his hands and knees go numb a bit. “What the hell does that mean even? He left just because his stupid instincts told him to?” Tommy is silent, looking at everything but Adam, thinking how a quiet lazy afternoon turned into this mess. And then looks back at Adam. “Do you really think HE left YOU, Adam? Cause I feel it was the other way around. You left him… you always left him and traveled…” “I know, ok? But what could I do? This is my job! You of all people know that I have to do this. I should be out there or soon no one would remember my name anymore. I’m doing my best. I’m trying! I don’t know what to do anymore... I don’t know…” Sighing, Adam stands up and goes to the couch again, sitting on it, but soon changing his mind and lying down, head propped on a cushion, putting his forearm on his eyes to block the world out. Tommy looks at him, feeling his own heart beat heavily in his chest. He stands up, goes and brings a comforter from the bed, laying it on Adam’s body, his hand soft where he touches him. Then he goes back to the bed himself, lying down and looking at the ceiling, trying to find answers in it. Moments pass, the wind stepping into the room from the window and dancing around, teasing Tommy’s hair. The silence is so deep between them that you could imagine the whole world leaving, creating a huge empty space, making two men stay behind in this abandoned side of the world, and think. Minutes or maybe hours pass before Adam opens his eyes, looking into the empty space of the room. He turns, seeing Tommy lying down on the bed. He goes to him, quietly. Sitting beside him, and watching him turn his head a bit, and look at him with big searching brown eyes. It makes him wanna reach out, like always. He wants to set himself free in this feeling. This sense of never ending trust and acceptance he always finds in those eyes. Like no matter what happens, what he does, where they go, who he becomes, these eyes are going to watch him for the rest of eternity, and look after him. Suddenly he doesn’t remember why he doesn’t just do that? Take this amazing prize and run for it? He does reach out then, running his hand in the blonde locks scattered on the bed. “Sorry it wasn’t anything like old times today.” He smiles, bringing his hand down on a pale, warm cheek that feels like the softness of a rose petal on his fingertips. Tommy closes his eyes with a much smaller, sad smile of his own and whispers, “Except for this…” Adam’s hand stills and he stares at it. Tommy opens his eyes then, “Are you gonna leave now?” his voice is quiet and dies at the end. Like he swallowed half of his own voice there. Adam frowns, taking his hand from Tommy’s cheek and looking down, thinking. “Do you ever feel as lonely as I feel, TommyJoe?” Tommy raises an eyebrow, and then he bites his lower lip, distracting Adam completely, making him forget what he asked, and says, “I don’t. I… ‘m not alone…” Adam’s stomach drops. “You’re dating someone?” Tommy chuckles then. His whole face brightens up with amusement, his cute little teeth showing under his lips when he answers, “Yes, of course. You and I have the same dates actually. And even in the same places. I’m dating your fucking amazing music man. I love it! Next date is tomorrow. We’re gonna make it sooo good honey, just enjoy the ride.” Adam laughs, falling on the bed beside Tommy, lying next to him, facing him. Then he opens his arms and Tommy bounces onto his body happily, making a chilly, empty afternoon burst with heat and light suddenly. Adam closes himself around him, keeping him right there like the most valuable treasure. A few silent moments pass, until he speaks again. “It didn’t happen today…the break up… it’s been a few months now, you know?” “I know. It’s ok… babyboy.” And at that, something completely cracks inside Adam, makes the tears push past his eyes again. He looks down at Tommy and sees it, his beautiful Glitterbaby he had completely forgotten about blinking and looking back at him with a cute childish grin on his face. “Now you don’t have any excuses for depriving me of your cuddles,” he tells Adam, wiping his eyes with his rough calloused hands. Adam whimpers, shivering under the soft touch, then looks at him silently, a big question hanging in the air between them. “T-Tommy…?” “Yeah, Adam?” “D-did you…” he breathes, looking anywhere but Tommy’s eyes. “D-Did you… believe Sauli?” Tommy looks at his terrified eyes, his own eyes sharp. Serious. “Adam_ What’s between you and me is ours to specify, he wouldn’t know if there’s really anything underneath or not anyway, we would know. It’s … it’s ours, not his.” Adam looks horrified, eyes huge and shocked, looking into Tommy’s suddenly. “Ours? So you think he was right? That there is something there and I’m not telling you?” “I wouldn’t need you to tell me, I would know, Adam.” “You do?!” Adam breathes out harshly, looking pale. “Do you know? Do you think there is anything?” Tommy sighs, looking kinda defeated. “Adam, you would know, too. And you know. Is there anything underneath between you and me?” Adam is caught off guard. Tommy’s not supposed to have any idea about Adam’s feelings for him. Adam’s tried so hard to forget and deny them all that hearing it from the one person who should never know about them makes him feel slapped across the face. Anger shines in Adam’s intense blue gaze. He opens his mouth, but nothing comes out, nothing can fix this. He is losing everything he has here, and he can’t. He should hold on. He sits up abruptly, and starts shouting, his face distorted into the deepest frown. “ N-No! What are you saying? No. There’s not, no.” he is frustrated, doesn’t know what to do, where to lead this stupid conversation. He should’ve never come here. This is hurting him where he can’t get hurt, or he’ll break completely. He gets up, standing like a stone in front of Tommy. “It’s that bastard’s fault. He put this idea in your head, he… he wanted to get free and didn’t care about anyone or anything but himself. He is a selfish bastard Tommy, don’t believe him. He used those stupid rumors against me to make excuses for himself. He just didn’t love me, and wanted to end it. Fuck! How fucking pathetic am I? I gave him my love, my money, my fame… everything, and he dumped me and tried to destroy my relationship with you. He has no right to do that! He can’t… he can’t ruin everything…” Tommy stands up, closing the distance between them, putting his hands softly on Adam’s arms, trying to calm him down. “Stop accusing him, Adam! It’s not his fault. It’s not those delusionals’ fault either. You see? If there wasn’t anything there they couldn’t make these excuses and rumors at all. You gave him reasons, you and I… we gave them ideas… they just took it and used it for their own good. If there wasn’t anything there, like how … for example why no one talks about you and others? Why Sauli mentioned me, not someone else in the band? Despite that you and I are not that close anymore, but we gave them hints, Adam. We gave them material, to build that delusion…” Adam swallows, dumbfounded completely, his gaze searching Tommy’s face. “What are you saying?” Tommy takes a deep breath. “I’m saying that Sauli’s not completely to blame. He loved you. He did house-sit for you. For 2 years he did that. And maybe he could do it forever if he was sure about your love. But Adam…” Tommy looks into his eyes, his expression sincere and caring. “He can’t house-sit your heart. Sauli needed a home for himself in there.” Adam steps back from him, trembling and feeling kinda numb, desperately trying to keep his stance. “You… what? … Tommy what do you mean? What are you saying? Do you wanna leave me, too? Are you looking for excuses like the rest of them? Tell me, and make it clear, yeah? I know I’m a piece of shit for you all. Now you’re accusing me of looking for anything but friendship with you, and I think tomorrow I’m gonna read headlines about how I have a crush on my own employee. How accurate!” Tommy cries out, “No Adam, stop being so fuckin’ insecure! I’m not gonna run away from you. If I wanted to run I would’ve done it years ago. Do you remember 2010? And before? All along, I didn’t give a shit about it. You kissed me on national fuckin’ television, Adam! You took me around the fucking world and repeated it, and did much more than that in every fucking city on this planet. Do you think I had one fuck to give? Guess what? NO! I didn’t give a damn what you did to me cause I fuckin’ loved it, and I would do it all over again if we were in the same situation. Now stop crying like a baby, and man up. It’s been near 4 fuckin’ years man, get your shit together and stop running in circles around me and yourself.” Tommy huffs a sigh, and goes and sits on the armchair in front of the window, putting his hands on his face and staring at the empty shell of the city in front of him. Ignoring the trembling man standing in the middle of the room. Adam is silenced. He doesn’t know what to do, doesn’t have anything to say. He looks around, thinking about every word Tommy just said, gaze blurred and hazy. He can’t conclude the situation at all. The safe world he’s made for himself during all these years feels distant and unreachable now. So he gives up, but he still doesn’t know what he’s lost to exactly. He makes some dizzy steps toward Tommy, and makes a questioning muffled noise. Not able to make words at all. Tommy’s gaze doesn’t move from the window. Adam’s patience wears thin. He’s so worried and confused; he wants to know what’s gonna happen now. He goes to Tommy, keeping his distance carefully, and whispers, “Do you… are you… what… what’s gonna happen now?” Tommy turns and looks at him intently, a pitiful smile on his lips. “You didn’t hear me, did you?” Adam’s eyes widen, and he tries to say something but Tommy silences him. “Why do I expect anything more even? Why do I wait for you? I waited four years and you didn’t do anything but play. If I didn’t know you, I’d think you just wanna play around, have fun. You don’t wanna take any responsibilities. Because everything you get to have in your life, Mr. Lambert, you need to accept the responsibility for it as well. You can’t just go around and not care what you’re doing to people.” Adam stares in defeat, then tries to say something again, but Tommy holds up his hands. “Don’t. I know. I know it’s not that. I know you. You do it for me, and for yourself. You’re too afraid of ruining it, to dare to touch it. You’re too much of a perfectionist, to accept what you have is gonna be something fragile, that needs to be cared for a lot. But running from it is not gonna fix anything, Adam.” Adam stares at him, realizing how stupid he’s been to think Tommy doesn’t see anything, that he won’t know, ever. He wanted to play it cool and deceive him to believe everything is how Adam pretends it to be, but Tommy deceived him, made him believe he doesn’t see anything abnormal in their friendship. He facepalms inwardly, admitting to himself that Tommy won another battle over him. Like always, after every time he loses, he falls more for him. He takes a few steps back, hanging his head low a bit, and with a shaky breath whispers, “ ’m sorry… I…” “It’s ok, whatever. Just stop this bullshit denial Adam, ok?” Tommy turns to the window then, not caring about the complicated situation Adam is in, and says, “The quiet afternoon you ruined has become a nice evening, wanna go out for a walk around the city?” Adam gives him a surprised and puzzled look, but nods anyway, suddenly the idea of getting outta here is very much cool with him actually. Tommy grabs a black hoodie and pulls it on, his thin body drowning in the big cloth. He shuts the door, and they go down to the lobby after that, keeping the distance between them as small as possible. The lobby is completely empty, like everywhere else. Looks like all human beings have abandoned them. They don’t even notice it, too wrapped around their own thoughts to care. When they step into the street though, Tommy takes advantage of the lack of eyes around them, and steps close to Adam, putting his arms around his and smiling, changing the sparks lighting up in Adam’s body to full explosive volcanoes. Adam swallows, his body rigid with apprehension, as he walks with Tommy to a small Park on the side of the street, the smell of the fresh spring dancing in the air around the green trees. Tommy stops then, looking at him, with that bored smile on his face. “What is it?” Adam looks at him, eyes wide, “What? N-nothing…” He trials off. “Adam, stop being such a chicken shit. I told you I basically know everything you’re hiding. And I’m still here.” Tommy’s gaze is tired as he stands there and looks at Adam, when suddenly Adam starts speaking forcefully. “I’m not a chicken shit, I’m afraid of what’s gonna happen to you. I’m concerned for you. I don’t know how you’re gonna deal with knowing your boss is… is…” Tommy keeps looking at him the same way while he speaks in a monotone voice “See? Chicken shit. You can’t even say it. And by the way I thought we talked about the boss thing a few hours ago. Do you still feel bossy with me?” Adam looks at him deeply, taking in the delicate features of Tommy’s pretty feminine face, the blonde hair dancing in the spring breeze. The small frame hugged loosely by casual clothing. And he suddenly finds himself envying all the clothes Tommy wears. A strong forgotten feeling of longing comes back to his heart, and makes it swell. “No…” Tommy doesn’t understand how a tall powerful creature, who’s been able to do many impossible things in his life, has come to the point where he’s shaking like a leaf. In every other aspect of life, Adam is always so fearless, ready to do anything, if he feels it’s the right thing to do. But here in front of his own friend, he seems clueless. He is obviously very frightened. Tommy needs to reassure him again. He doesn’t know when this game of cat and mouse is gonna finish. He steps closer, takes Adam’s cold hand in his, and guides him back, sitting on a bench with him. There’s a pear tree full of bright white and pink blossoms standing right above them, the last rays of sunlight peeking through its big outstretched branches, kissing Adam’s white freckly skin. Tommy wants to know what’s on Adam’s mind. He wants Adam to respond to him somehow, cause since he opened up and spilled the beans, Adam’s been very quiet. Tommy doesn’t know what to make of that. Maybe Adam’s regretting things. Tommy doesn’t wanna think about that at all. “Do you even feel anything for me?” he blurts out, shocking Adam and himself a bit. Adam hesitates, but quickly makes himself answer properly. “Of course, Tommy, I feel … I mean you’re my friend. I …” he looks helplessly at Tommy. He’s dying here really. “Shit! What am I doing Tommy? Tell me what should I do? How should I behave now? What should I say? I don’t know what this is…” he gestures to Tommy and himself “What is it? I never knew really, and I’m scared. Yeah I think I am a chicken shit. I don’t know what to do, Tommy. I don’t wanna lose you…” he is begging, and it hurts. Tommy scoots near him and whispers, “Shh, it’s ok, you don’t need to feel like you’re losing anything. You’re alright.” He puts his arm around Adam’s shoulders, and starts talking to him quietly. “Remember GlamNation?” he smiles. “Do you remember how you used to lecture people back then? That they shouldn’t apologize for who they are, and they should express themselves, be free? Hmm? No more hiding. Don’t be afraid of what’s inside? What was that about? What did you mean? Do you even remember how it was? God Adam you’ve changed so much, sometimes I think that Adam is so different from this one here, that he kinda vanished, and you appeared. Don’t get me wrong, I still think you’re amazing. But… what happened to that side of you?” Adam takes a deep breath, the warm press of Tommy’s body the only thing he’s focusing on, to hold onto the present time, and not panic. “What do you mean what happened? I’m still me. That’s me. I just got over the glitter and the emo hair and… yeah… maybe I had to tune it down a bit, but I’m still singing and talking about the same message. Have you heard Trespassing?” “Ha! Not funny dude. Not funny at all.” Tommy pulls his arm from Adam, and sits by his side, still pressing into him, looking around the empty park, paying attention for the first time, and wondering where’s everyone in the city? But something on his mind is still bothering him, it makes him forget about everything else and blurt again. “Then why don’t you kiss me anymore? Was I like your glam and glitter? You got over me too?” He’s not sounding hurt, he tells himself. He’s JUST curious. Adam bolts then, sitting up and turning his body to glare at Tommy. “No! No. It’s… not like that, really, it’s… you… you were straight … so…” Tommy snorts at that. “Oh, Come on! I’m not one of your cray fans. I’m the one you’re talking about. I know myself, and you know me, too. You know I don’t give a shit about labels…” “But you give a shit about Gender. Don’t you? Tell me what I should’ve done? What am I supposed to do now? Yeah it’s been 4 years and I’m pathetically still standing on the very first step. I haven’t moved on yet. But I should. It’s not like you’re gonna open your eyes one day and suddenly feel like you’re into men. I had to get over it. And I tried. But I think I’m too much of a girl to forget…” Adam swallows, willing himself to say it this time. “… the person I fell for…and yeah I’m sorry I was a chicken shit, I should’ve told you. I know now that you don’t care, I didn’t know this, I thought telling you about my feelings may bother you a lot, it’s better not mentioned at all , and I still don’t get why we’re talking about this… it won’t do any good. Yeah I know I messed up, I shouldn’t have played with Sauli’s feelings like that, but can you blame me?” He’s panting now, looking at Tommy with huge miserable eyes. “It was about a year after I first met you when I decided I wanna experience something new with someone else, I couldn’t stay single and desperate anymore. I wanted to get over that stupid crush on a straight boy, who is my friend and band member, not to mention my own employee. I couldn’t stand that anymore…” He sighs, hesitating, before he continues. “Except… that it wasn’t just a crush. I didn’t know this back then… but I know now… and it’s too late, I have no right to try and fix this mess, but I have every right to be afraid. Don’t judge me Tommy.” he stares at him for a couple minutes, thinking about how far he’s come today. “I lost my boyfriend recently,… don’t judge me for being afraid of losing my friend … my … my…” He swallows again, so frustrated he can’t contain himself any more. “Fuck, I love you! I-I’m in love with you, Tommy! Okay?” he blurts. “Is that enough? Did you want this? For me to say it? Are you happy and satisfied now? Yes! I’m a pathetic gay man who falls in love with a straight guy at the age of 27, remember 27, not 14. And can’t get over it even in 4 fuckin’ years, and he’s still desperately in love. He lied to everyone, including all of his fans around the world, because he’s a stupid chicken shit who can’t get his shit together. Yes! Judge me, man. Look at me! See how fucking damaged I am in the head. Do whatever you wanna do now. Go tell everybody what a miserable motherfucker I am. I don’t care! I’m still the same person! I’m the one who said show yourself and don’t care what they say and what they think. Don’t give a fuck. And I still don’t have even one fuck to give, Tommy! I’m done.” He stands then, struggling and fighting with himself to take the steps and leave Tommy forever. But he’s not ready for this. His heart doesn’t let him move at all. Tommy is staring at him in awe, finding himself unable to move at all too. It’s his turn to feel a bit dumbfounded now. Then Adam makes the first step away from him, and he is suddenly standing up and pushing into Adam’s space. He grabs his shoulders and holds him by the material of his jacket clenched in his fist, looking into his face. Adam is still panting and shaking from his outburst. Head hung low and refusing to look up. Tommy guides him back and makes him sit again. Not letting go at all. When they sit, his hands trail down to Adam’s forearms and cling to him. “Adam…” Nothing. “Adam! Look at me… honey.” He reaches up, palming Adam’s face and making him look up in his eyes. Adam’s cheeks are hot with a deep blush, in his eyes rich blobs of tears dancing, and he whimpers, looking into Tommy’s eyes, letting go, his tears sparkling and splattering around his eyes. He opens his mouth and mumbles “S-Sorry… I’m sorry T-Tommhh-” “Shh, don’t man. Look at you. Big boy. Who was talking about not giving a fuck huh? Not making any apologies, yeah? It’s okay, baby.” Then he puts Adam’s head on his shoulders, rubbing his back soothingly. “It really is okay. This has nothing to do with anyone. Right? It’s no one’s business but yours and mine. And you know what? I don’t give a fuck either!” He pushes Adam back then, touching his cheeks, wiping his hot tears with his soft fingers. “I don’t give a fuck what they say, they can think I’ve lost my mind. That you’ve turned me or whatever. They don’t know anything anyway, they can’t know, because they don’t understand. We’re not gonna let anyone ruin our life.” Adam stares at him, sniffing but shocked. “What Tommy?!” he is utterly confused. Tommy smiles a little, now caressing Adam’s face gingerly, massaging his hairline lovingly. “I don’t know myself either,” he whispers apologetically, and chuckles a bit. “Just… I don’t know… I mean who has cared for me like this ever? Huh? It’s been four fucking years now and I really don’t have anyone beside you. I mean…” He looks away for a moment. “You know how I still hook up with Liz sometimes, hah. It’s fuckin’ ridiculous, ain’t it?” Adam looks at him seriously, a bit angered and still very confused. “Oh I know…” Tommy chuckles again, “I know how you feel about my relationship with her, trust me, I haven’t missed the looks you give her when we hang out. But it really is ridiculous man. “ “I don’t give her any kinda looks, I’m completely okay with your relationship with her, Tommy, you don’t need to feel bad about…” Tommy laughs, interrupting him. “No, oh hell no, Adam I don’t feel bad and I don’t have any kinda serious relationship with her. I’m rarely there to see her. I’m saying I really even don’t have her. I don’t have anyone… but you…” “But you just said…” “Adam.” Tommy takes Adam’s hand in his and continues. “What I’m trying to say is that I have, and I’ve had many people in my life for this.” he puts Adam’s hand gingerly on his groin. Adam’s mouth falls open, but he goes frigid. Not daring to move his fingers or press at all, he just keeps still. “But it’s been a very long time since I’ve had anyone for this.” Tommy pulls his hand again, and puts it on his heart, and Adam gasps, feeling the heavy beat of a drum set in Tommy’s chest. “Do you feel it? Cause I sure do.” Tommy looks at him, his eyes calm and open, like a wide ocean under the sun. “I’ve been feeling it for 4 years now. And I think I’ve had enough of chasing around myself too. Just because I’m not very familiar with life and relationships with a man, doesn’t mean I should ignore my feelings. You see? You’re not alone in this. If you think people are gonna think you’re a freak, they would see us both in it. They should think I’m a freak too then. Like how when those bastards from the Westboro wanted to stop you, they called me the devil’s child too! Like when extremist Muslims in Malaysia couldn’t handle you, they held up our poster, it was a photo of us kissing in Japan. Not just your face. It’s gonna be like that again this time too. Haters are gonna hate. And again I’m gonna be there with you.” He hesitates, leaning forward and looking deep in Adam’s eyes. “I wanna be there with you. I like to be with you, I wanna be near you, Adam… I … You… there is still someone who wants to be yours. I wanna be yours. I wanna stay with you.” They stare at each other for a few moments, blinking. Adam’s wet lashes sticking together still. That’s when a cute little princess walks up to them, and startles them both. “Hey! Welcome to Kiev, Adam. Welcome to Kiev, Tommy. It was about time you came around.” They both look at the small girl, who is smiling at them the biggest brightest Ukrainian smile ever. She is wearing a deep scarlet dress, her blonde hair falling on her shoulders in curls. Her eyes a light warm green, sparkling in the sunlight. She steps closer then, bringing her hands from her back. There are three red roses in her hands. She hands one of them to Adam, smiling innocently, and then gives another one to Tommy. Then she grabs the last rose with her little hand, and cuts the petals off. Adam and Tommy stare in awe, as she pours the petals on both their heads lovingly and says with her cute accent. “Thank you for the love, it’s what wakes us up, and moves our life.” Adam and Tommy look around and notice people starting to come around. Men opening the stores, and women stepping out of their houses, holding children’s hands. Kids running about, and elderlies coming to sit under the warm sun. Everyone looks at them, and smiles, like they all know who they are, and they like them. Approve of them. There’s no judgment in their friendly gazes. The little girl waves as she runs off, joining a group of other kids nearby, smiling and showing them to her friends. They’re all so cute, so happy, that one can’t remember any worries when they look at them. Adam turns back to Tommy then, lashes dried and a small curve on his lips, as he reaches up and pulls out a deep red rose petal that’s still clinging to Tommy’s hair, looking into his gorgeous eyes, falling deeper than ever. “I… can’t believe this… I don’t know what’s going on even, what are we gonna do now? Are we… uh…” Tommy stares at him, laughing at his confusion, and hugs him tightly. His face is inches from Adam’s as he says, “Yes we are, sweetie. We’ve been for a long time now. And we won’t fight it anymore. It doesn’t matter that we don’t know what we’re doing. Love knows what she’s doing.” He looks up at Adam’s glassy blue eyes briefly, then down at his lips as he leans closer. “I love you too, Adam.” He kisses him, breaking down the dam, and falling into his body. His lips are sweet and his mind is fresh. They move in sync, like a bird’s two wings flying in the sky; they know what they’re doing. They’ve been standing here their whole lives. What’s been underneath, wakes up, and lives.
We jumped away from each other as the door opened, reveling a boy with very dark brown hair cut close to his head wearing a red and blue plaid shirt, top buttons open to expose his chest and faded blue jeans.
His brown eyes flicked from the blonde to me, taking in our flustered faces and heavy breathing.
"Tommy. Dr. Siobhan needs to see you before class ends."
Tommy nodded, not yet able to speak. The boy closed the door behind him as he left, but not before he cast me a weird look, looking me up and down.
As soon as the door clicked shut I asked, "Do you think he'll tell anyone?"
Tommy was quiet for a few moments, thoughtful. "I don't know. Kris knows I'm gay and I'm positive he saw something."
Tommy ran a hand through his blonde hair, cursing softly under his breath. I reached for his hand and drew him into a hug, "It's fine, if he tells anyone, I'll ask them not to spread it around. I don't want people to know that about me just yet."
I gave him a soft kiss on the lips, staring into his warm, brown eyes.
"C'mon, the bell's about to ring," Tommy said quietly, not letting go of my hand till we went into the hall and down the stairwell.
I stood against the banister while Tommy kept going towards Dr. Siobhan's office across the open hall.
I fingered one of the studs when a voice made me look up, "Hey Adam." It was Kris followed by a girl with mainly black hair with different colors scattered in it.
"Yeah," I asked hesitantly, already knowing what he's gonna ask me. "Are you and Tommy......y'know...." Kris gestured with his hands, but couldn't put it to words.
The multicolored-haired girl sighed, "Are you gay, Adam?"
I was surprised. She looked so shy and innocent when you look at her, but she's got some guts to just flat out ask me that.
I didn't answer them right away, but when I did, I lowered my voice, "Don't tell anyone please."
The girl's eyes widened with happiness, "Aww! You two make such a cute couple!" Kris slapped her arm lightly, "Allison! He just said he doesn't want anyone to know. You're lucky there's virtually no one in here."
She covered her mouth, brown eyes wide. "Sorry," I heard, partly muffled.
"Don't mind her. We're both friends of Tommy's and we're just really happy he finally found someone. I've never, ever seen him kiss a guy or act like he does around you, and I've known him almost my whole life. I'm Kris, this is Allison," he gestured to himself, and then her.
She suddenly hugged me, her arms wrapped around my waist, her face at my chest. She leaned away and poked a finger into my chest, "Just because you're cute as hell doesn't give you the right to fuck with Tommy's heart. So don't even think about it, pretty boy, or I'll kick your ass."
I held my hands up and tried to keep a straight face, "Of course. I wouldn't do that to him."
"Do what to who?"
I turned to see Tommy with his arm around Kris' shoulders. "I told him not to play with you 'cause I'd kick his ass," Allison replied.
Tommy looked at her disapprovingly, "Alli, don't scare him." Kris looked like he was suppressing laughter with his hand over his mouth and a weird look on his face.
"Well, we better go before we're late to our next classes. Where do you go, Adam," Tommy asked as he let Allison and Kris go on ahead of us.
I looked down at the schedule taped onto one of my folders, "Looks like....theater with Mrs. Robles."
The blonde smiled, leading me out of the choir hall to another building across the plaza, "Robles? Haha, what a coincidence, me too! Don't tell me, you have a free period after this right?"
I looked down at my schedule, "Two actually, but after that I'm supposed to go see Mr. Gettig about something. I think he just wants to know how my first day went before lunch hour."
The minute warning bell sounded and we took off at a sprint to make it to the drama building attached to the auditorium on time.
We skidded pass Mrs. Robles' classroom door just as the tardy bell began to sound. "Boys, sit in your seats please while I take the attendance."
We both nodded and took a seat among the other students. She went down the roll, murmuring last names to herself until she got to the L's when she called out, "Lambert? Adam, you're here, correct?"
I raised my hand and waved at her, "Yes ma'am, Mrs. Robles." She smiled at my politeness to her, "We really need someone like you in the drama department, Mr. Lambert."
She took off her coat and asked, "Adam, could you come up here please?"
I stood up to stand beside Mrs. Robles with her hand on my shoulder, "Listen up class, we have a new student here. Some of you may already know him if you had him in your afternoon classes yesterday, but if you don't, this is Adam Lambert. He transferred in from a school in LA."
Only a couple of kids said hi while I was in front of the class, but when we were told to get our things to move into the auditorium, a boy with a haircut similar to mine but slightly longer and with light green eyes walked up to me, a girl with short light brown hair following him.
"Hey, new guy. You a good actor?" I smiled slightly, "Yeah, I've been told I'm pretty good. I helped my theater teacher with all the plays back at my old school and got the lead role in all of them."
The black haired guy smiled crookedly and scoffed, "Ha! Well you'll have to be better then 'pretty good' to impress Mrs. Robles enough to get the lead roles here."
The boy used air quotes around the words "pretty good". I smirked to myself and said, "I guess I'll have to prove that then, to everyone."
"We'll see how good you are. C'mon Clare," he said as him and Clare strode towards the door. Under my breathe I asked, "Who's that and why is he so cocky?"
"That's Eli Goldsworthy, he's basically the shit around here: he gets all the good lead roles in every production we do. The girl is his girlfriend Clare: she gets the leading female roles to match him. She's actually pretty okay when she's not around him. Eli has sort of a superiority complex, he always has to be the best and he doesn't take competition well."
I was thoughtful for a while, "So in other words, to shut him up, I'll have to prove how good I really am?"
The blonde nodded, "I'm sure that won't be too hard. We all heard that you were a natural on the stage and wowed all the teachers when you told them your specialties and demonstrated them."
I nodded, remembering the astounded looks on their faces before I was officially accepted into the school.
"Then that's what I'll do." I looked at Tommy's face, smiled, and added, "Let's go, Glitterbaby." He gave me a confused look to which I replied with a hand shaking through his hair, glitter specks falling to his shoulders.
Tommy turned a soft pink color, clearly embarrassed. I hooked my arm through his and walked out the door together.
Don't get me wrong, i ADORE Eli. he's sexy as hell and is my fav character on Degrassi (with Zane and Riley close behind) and Clare is a sweetheart too, but for this ima need them to be mean lol xDD dn't worry, they'll lighten up soon, or will they?? xD Dx
sorry it took me so long to get it up, i finally figured i can just type it up on my phone, send it to one of my emails and copy and paste it from there instead of having to deal with the computer xDD i feel so smart.
Warning: this is an Adommy story(Adam/Tommy) so if Boy on Boy love ain't your thing, click the back button. it's mainly about those boys, but Adison and Kradam moments will appear in later chapters(girls dnt kill me).
please leave a comment before you fav!! thanks alot!!