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      It was a gloomy morning. The dark belly of the sky was heavy with moisture. It spewed out rain in bitter waves, soaking everything in its foul temper. Water poured off of the rooftops and crashed into deep puddles below. Thin yellow grass bent underneath the opposing storm, trembling slightly in the downpour. The sidewalk was caked in fog, unable to escape the seeping coldness of the rain. Even the trees stooped to avoid enraged cracks of lightning that streaked across the sky, and easily snapped and scorched whatever stood against it. The streetlights remained an eerie warmth in the otherwise despairing scene. A few soaked moths clung hopelessly to the lamps, and would occasionally give up and drop into the flood below.

     A group of children in brightly colored raincoats congregated around a gray bus stop sign. They chattered and laughed and howled like chimps. They were completely oblivious to the fierce downpour, save for shoving each other into the overflowing storm drains, and cackling as their companions shifted uncomfortably in their soaked sneakers.

     One girl stood apart from the rest. She shuffled in her bulky white coat, watching the dark sky above her from underneath the safety of her umbrella. The rain made a steady pattern around her pale rain boots, a spiny circle of endless water.

     The girl thought. Her thoughts matched the rhythm of the storm.

     Pat-Pat-Pat.

     She had come to the conclusion that her life was a distant relative of these thunder storms that rumbled through the valley. A thick cloud of darkness and light that faded into itself before it gave way to searing jolts of light the tore through her psyche and singed her heart. An ever-present dankness that seeped through her skin. Sometimes she fancied herself as some sort of water spirit, watching out through white eyes into the world before it, feeling nothing but cool acceptance. More often, though, she just felt rather glum.

     The sound of rushing water signaled the bus's arrival. It was painted the standard yellow, a color that made the girl flinch whenever she saw it during the summer months. The children in their bright raincoats pushed each other out of the way in their haste to enter the dry schoolbus. The girl hung back for just a moment, enough to ensure she would not need to bump into any of them. Then she, too, entered the belly of the humming vehicle.

     A roar of noise entered the girl's ears as she left the rainstorm behind her. She silently sat in one of the front seats, which were always empty. While most children preferred sitting out of the driver's view, the girl felt much safer away from her peers. The screeches from the back of the bus only served to support this fear, and the girl sunk slightly in her seat, as if to hide from those behind her. She slid out of her white coat and placed it on the floor.

     The rainstorm once again caught her attention, and she stared out the window. A melancholy face stared back. Gray-brown hair above sad brown eyes. The face seemed to looking elsewhere, away from the current world. The girl imagined that behind those sad eyes was a wonderland of rolling hills and  soft breezes. A place where birds chirped and trees whispered their creaking songs. A far-away place, where thunderstorms would rumble in and water the tall grass with golden rain.

     The girl smiled at the thought. For a moment, things felt alright. But her thoughts were interrupted by a snide voice in her ear.

     "Hey, Emily." said a fattish boy. He wore clothes that appeared to be straight off the back of a teenage drug addict. His breath smelled vaguely of sulfur.

     The girl shrunk back closer to the window. "What do you want?" she asked.

     "I forgot to do the homework for science."

     "I'm afraid I don't have it today, I forgot it at home..." Emily said slowly.

     "Oh, that's too bad..." the boy said loudly, more to the bus driver than to Emily, before leaning closer to her. She could see the ugly pocks that marked his forehead. "Like hell you did," he hissed. "Where is that homework?"

     Emily squirmed, wishing she could sink into the wall of the bus. "I told you, I don't have it".

     The boy made a disgusted sort of sound, as if he could not believe such a lowly creature was trying to fight him. "Fine," he said finally. But something in his eyes made Emily wary. Before he turned to walk away, he stomped a muddy foot onto the lining of Emily's white coat. It made a terrible squelching noise. She reached for her coat and pulled it to her lap, before looking up sharply. She wanted to scream at the boy, at all of her classmates, but the boy had gone. The fire in her heart died down, and solidified into a heavy weight. She bit back tears and attempted to rub the mud out of the coat, only to spread it more.

     The bus came screeching to a halt. The rain was a mad drumming on the roof of the bus, but it was still drowned out by the roar of the children. Emily hid behind her muddied coat as they stampeded by. Finally, feeling comfortable that they were a safe distance away, Emily stood up. She put on her coat inside-out, to keep the mud from ruining her dress, and picked up her backpack.

     She stepped out of the bus. Her foot landed in deep water. A couple kids laughed in front of her. She felt humiliated, and she hadn't even reached the sidewalk. The bus rumbled off behind her, leaving her in the cold rain. Emily stared at the school, a dark shadow dominating the block. Threatening to crush all of its inhabitants. The bell rang, but it sounded distant and small compared to the roaring storm.

     Emily stared and stared and stared. She felt the wind pushing her back where she had come from. The rain stung her arms. The inside of her coat was cold and wet. Her hair clung to her face, as if afraid the wind would sweep it away. She closed her eyes for a moment, and pictured the rolling hills. She took a deep breath.

     Then she opened her umbrella and walked back home.
Hmmmm experimenting with Emily as a main character for Dreamworld. I'm thinking that's what I will go with.

Emily's dealings with bullies in the actual script will be much more subtle and subtexted. I don't like films that preach the bullying ideal, I find it much more impactful and truthful if the bullies don't do outlandish bully things.

For example, if I were to change this scene into film, I would simply show her look out the window, and then look back to see her coat ruined.

But as this was, I wanted to play with Em's character. Because I love her to bits and she's veryyyy interesting as a character. Emily is interesting because she believes quite strongly in following rules, but at the same time, if she reaches a breaking point, she will act rashly and go AGAINST her usual personality, although not necessarily in super outlandish ways (she wouldn't punch anyone...). I think she's also very self-reflective. I think at her age she feels at ends with her classmates, who all want to be 'grown-up' and get drunk and have girlfriends/boyfriends, and she misses pretending to be a puppy or something in Kindergarten. Then, her imagination was accepted and even rewarded. Now, imaginative acts are shunned (in her mind), as are emotional outbursts. She feels trapped, and unable to have an outlet for herself.

THUS COMES DREAMWORLD.

Basically she ends up looking for solace in her own mind. BUT her mind is corrupted by the outside worlds and influence of society.

You know what, I'm just going to make a journal for more explanation .xD

Enjoy.

Dreamworld (c) me
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   Pre-Avatar in human form. Bending is fairly new. Only bendable elements are Water and Earth. The next element in the cycle is yet to be discovered, Fire. This is also a look at the historic bases of the play Zuko mentions on Ember Island. So take a trip back in time. Discover how love and dragons led to the first Firebenders.
      Back when bending the elements was still in it's infancy, an island of Sun Worshipers were always divided. Two sides, constantly at odds. Separated by the dragons they protected. The Realm of the Red Dragon, whose people were passionate, impulsive, and optimistic. The Realm of the Blue Dragon, whose people were cunning, energetic,  and imaginative.    Two neighboring villages on opposite sides of the border enhanced this rivalry. None more notorious than the one fueled by a pair of 8 year old children. They would take delight in tormenting each other, and by extension, both communities. Young Agni and Yzita antagonized one another with cruel pranks, fierce combat, and vicious name-calling matches. As they grew, even pitting their dragons against each other. Agni's red dragon and Yzita's blue dragon were already natural enemies. The teenagers would fight on the side-lines, yelling out their cheers and jeers for the dueling beasts.    One morning Agni awoke to find a legion of Earthbenders overtaking his village. He escaped with his red dragon, Bazz. They fled to the top of a volcano. Relieved only for an instance when he encountered the bane of his existence.  Yzita had a similar tale. The Realm of the Blue Dragon was overflowing with Waterbenders. The only two bendable elements were at war with each other. As a result, it had spilled over onto their island. Both claiming territory for the war effort.    Three days passed, the teens reluctantly put aside their differences. Opting to join forces and cause as much grief for the benders as they could. Though they worked together, their dragons did not. Bazz would growl and snap his tail at the blue dragon's head. Yzita's dragon, Odele, would ignite and spread Bazz's straw bedding everywhere. Never approving the sight of the other.    A young man found himself watching his adversary's every movement. So graceful as she practiced. Yzita was an exceptional warrior. Her fighting style was energetic and beautiful. To him, she looked like she was performing a dance. In that moment, a rush of mischief zapped into his mind. He startles her by popping out of nowhere. Mimicking her every movement. Yzita continued, showing her aggravation. Silently, she was very amused. It was kind of cute how hard he tried. Occasionally mis-stepping. With a stern look she would redo the movement and correct him.   Their dragons watched attentively. Two foes circled each other again and again. Restarting at the end of every set. Each time drawing closer and closer to the other. Bazz and Odele sat, growing more curious about their masters dance. Agni reached out and pulled Yzita into his arms. They spun together in a slow dance. Both were too busy blushing to notice what their dragons were up to.    Red and blue clashed in the sky. The dragons mimicked Yzita and Agni's dance. Looping and intertwined through the hot night air. Once the couple noticed, they stopped dancing. Bazz and Odele immediately perched on either side. Both looked concerned as the dragons began to growl at them. They tried to soothe their beast with soft words. Yzita shields her face as red and blue unite their fire into a tornadic blaze. Agni takes her hands and they stare upwards. The fire was enchanting, exhibiting colors no one had known before. The couple kept their hand joined and watched in awe until the inferno died.    When it was over they quickly released interlocking fingers. Agni noticed right away the fire glowing from his palms. Yzita held a blue flames in hers. The initial shock faded and both elated in freely creating fire. Expressing pure joy, they fall into a rejoicing hug. Agni's heart pounding, he impulsively kissed her. Yzita lingering for a moment, only to turn ten shades redder than Bazz. She felt awkward to share such a moment with her childhood nemesis. Pushing away she baits him into a heated argument. The pair part ways, agreeing that their new powers would be better used if they returned to their homes, and won back their lands.          Without Agni near her, Yzita lost the ability to bend fire. She discovered it too late and was captured by the Watertribe. Agni had a similar problem and was taken by the Earth warriors. Both forced into servitude on opposite sides of the war. Three years would pass before the benders reached an agreement. There would be a great martial arts match. The winning side would lay soul claim to the island. Waterbenders and their capitive would face Earthbenders and their prisoners in single match games.    Round after round passed until it was Agni's turn to fight. He was unfairly pitted against a ruthless Waterbender. One round, to the death. Yzita watched from behind wooden bars. He was at a great disadvantage. But somehow, after every strike he willed himself back onto his feet.  Yzita screamed in agony as she watched her love near death. Every torch near her blazed an intense blue. She had regained her control over the flame and ignited her wooden cell.    From the corner of his eye, Agni saw the blue glow. His opponent preparing the final attack. Razor sharp icicles hung in the air. As they descended on him he let out a blast of fiery vengeance. The crowd was in shock. Agni quickly knocks out the Waterbender and Yzita joined his side. Back to back they take on everyone, releasing furious strikes of red and blue. Together they ran off as many Earth and Water people as they could. The couple releases all the captives and they combine forces to drive off the invaders for good.    Agni and Yzita unite the Realm of the Red Dragon and the Realm of the Blue Dragon under one nation. The Fire Nation. The dragons became life-long mates. Teaches those brave enough to dance with them. In adoration, the Sun Worshipers built a palace for the first Firebenders.  Effectly naming Agni as Fire Lord. Yzita was named High Priestess ,but eventually, came to be know as Queen Yzita of the Fire Nation.
Two lovers, forbidden from one another
A war divides their people....

This is the theme of my origins stories. Bending is born from love and war. Always by two lovers, and in the same instance.

Next is the Origin of Airbending. It makes since that Air was the last element in the cycle. They are such a peaceful bunch.
^____^
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You open your eyes but immediately shut them again against the bright fluorescent light. You’re lying on what feels like a padded tray lined with sopor. There’s a blanket thrown over you and an IV in your arm. Your entire body throbs with a dull pain, which you would assume would be worse but your head feels a bit foggy in the way that’s indicative of painkillers. What even hap-

Craaaaaaaap crap crap crap they saw your blood why are you even still alive? You have to get out of here now.

You are stupid enough to try to sit up, and gasp as pain shoots through your torso. A cool hand places itself on your shoulder and eases you back down. You open your eyes again, slowly this time, and see Terezi sitting next to where you lie. You are as scared of her now as the time you saw the highblood first approach you. You brace for the worst.

“Thank-you.”

Her voice is the quietest you’ve ever heard it. You stare at her and her teal-rimmed eyes and realise she had been crying.

“What hap-“

“After you lost consciousness Gamzee got mad and took that thig down pretty quickly. We got you back to the Academy and our friend in the health unit was able to sew you up.”

Your hand moves gently to your chest and you feel along the large stitches diagonally from left of your collarbone to your right hipbone.

She speaks again, quietly like the first time. “I understand now. I get why you’re so angry and defensive and act like you hate me.” She hugs her shoulders. “And I’m… I’m sorry. This was all my fault . I knew we couldn’t fight and I dragged you along anyways and made a lot of stupid mistakes, and you were the one that got hurt. I’m so sorry Karkat.”

You sigh. “So, what are you going to do with me?”

She looks genuinely surprised. “Uh… you’re going to lie here for a few days and hopefully get better in time to attend classes with me next week?”

You gape at her and she realises, frowning. “You really thought I was going to hand you over to the Empress to be culled?”

“You… you’re obsessed with law and you’re not the only one who saw-“

“Everyone who saw was your friend, Karkat. And Kanaya who sewed you up but she promised not to tell anyone and she’s trustworthy. Get over yourself. We’ll keep your secret.” She smiles at you, and this time it’s soft and not full of teeth. “Despite your best efforts, we all like you and we don’t care that you happened to be born with the wrong blood colour.”

You are struck dumb with disbelief at the absurdity of this statement for a few moments. Then the sense of relief and gratitude that washes over you is so immense that you suddenly feel very tired, the adrenaline from your panic dissipating all at once.

She seems to notice this and stands, giving your hand a small squeeze. “Rest now. Kanaya’s probably going to kick me out in a minute anyways. I’ve been here too long.”

Before you can close your hand around hers she pulls away and walks quickly to the door, the stops for a moment and turns back to you. “You wouldn’t know because you haven’t had a class yet, but the first rule of being a weapon is that he should always be prepared to give his life for his meister.” Her usual more-than-slightly-sinister smile comes back. “I know your secret now, and you just almost died protecting me. You are officially my partner whether you like it or not and nothing that happens from now on will ever change that.

“… Thank-you Karkat.”

She slams the door.

***

It’s your first day out of the health unit and you are stuck in Soul Theory between teal and gold expert note-takers. You are bored out of your mind. You rest your head on your elbow and pick absent mindedly at the tenser bandages around your chest, which you’ll have to wear for another week at least. They make every move you make uncomfortable but mercifully not painful.

The pretty blueblood professor rambles on and on about how to initiate effective Soul Resonance between partners and you know it’s important and you know you should be trying to get something out of it, but her unnecessarily wordy nonstop monologue with its cheerful tone had annoyed you to the point of apathy twenty minutes ago.

Maybe Sollux will let you borrow his notes later, since Terezi’s are completely illegible to all but her. He’s been calling you ‘KK’ ever since you saved his moirail and somehow became both more friendly and twice as sarcastic.

Gamzee, sitting in front of you so his massive horns don’t block the ‘real’ students, almost reopened your wound with the hug he gave you this morning. He also slipped you a bottle of soda halfway through class. It’s neither exceptionally good nor bad, but at least it makes your craving for the lunch bell lessen a little.

All six of them had visited you every day in the health unit, much to Kanaya’s annoyance. You guess this is what it was like to have friends. You guess you kind of like it.

The moment you had stepped in front of Terezi you knew you had killed yourself. If not from the wound, then from the inevitable culling that came afterwards at the sight of your blood. You had never been prepared for someone to accept you despite your mutation, much less seven somebodies. You still aren’t quite sure what to do with yourself since your life didn’t end.

You suppose you’ll just be content with being Terezi’s partner. She’s really not as intolerable as you thought. You admit that you’re looking forward to after lunch today quite a bit, when you have Combat Class. Now that you don’t have to hide your blood colour from her you’re sure your soul will actually be able to accept hers this time. You may have saved her life, but she didn’t let you die either. You do trust her. Now you want to see what she can do with a real weapon in her hands.

Finally, the bell rings. Terezi packs up her notes and you groggily get up and follow her out. You try not to, but instinctively stick as close to her as possible whenever you’re at the Academy. You’ve been avoiding them your whole life and crowds of trolls still make you anxious. She looks back at you worriedly and you curse yourself for letting her notice. She doesn’t say anything, however, but grabs you by the hand and leads you through the crowded hallway, out the Academy’s massive front door. The others follow suit, and Terezi pulls you down with her to sit on the steps and unpack her lunch. You let her, but resolve not to make a habit of being lead around by a blind girl.

One of Sollux’s weapons sits beside you as your meisters discuss Soul Resonance on your other side. “Hi Aradia,” you greet mildly. She and Feferi, Sollux’s other weapon, had gotten to know eachother a little bit when they visited you in the health unit. She offers you a biscuit and you take it.

“So, you’re going to train with Terezi as her weapon for the first time today right? Excited?”

You grunt but she smiles. You continue to munch idly on the biscuit. “… What is it like?”

She purses her lips and thinks for a minute. “A meister’s soul is very powerful. As weapons we are supposed to make a connection and encompass their soul, then take that power, purify, focus, and amplify it. The more you do it the better you get at that part. I compress it into an energy burst to shoot out, but I’m not quite sure what you would do as a scythe.

“Having that much power coursing through you feels pretty cool, but the best part is the soul connection. It’s kind of scary at first because you can feel all their emotions and even thoughts if you concentrate hard enough, and you know they can feel yours too. After your connection stabilizes though it feels amazing. It’s the closest you can possibly be to another person and something only weapon and meister pairs can experience. You become a part of them, and they become a part of you. It’s like… like you can never feel lonely again.”

You stare at her, trying to take in this information.

“With Soul Resonance it’s even more intense. We haven’t tried it yet but apparently instead of just focusing your meister’s power, you add your own to it and build off eachother. Instead of just connecting, it’s like your souls become one.”

She sees your your expression and giggles a bit. “Don’t worry, I’m sure you and Terezi will make an amazing team.” She lowers her voice. “It really tore her apart, you know, the day we got you back to the health unit and you wouldn’t wake up. Sollux had to pap her for a long time.”

You blink at her, unsure of what to say. “Actually?”

She nods. “I found out through my connection with Sollux. She blames herself for the whole thing. It might be best to go a bit easier on her for a while.”

“What? it wasn’t her fault that I decided to-“

She waves her hand across her throat and you shut up, remembering the tealblood is sitting close by.

“I’m just saying, you care about eachother, you’re not going to have any problem resonating.”

You sigh. “Yeah, I guess. And since everyone knows about me now.”

“About that, I just wanted to say…” She pauses for a minute. “Well, good job I guess. My blood is the lowest you can possibly be on the hemospectrum, and even though I don’t care, it gets hard sometimes, the way others can look at you and treat you differently just because of the way you were hatched. It’s difficult enough for me, and I can only imagine how much worse it would being off-spectrum. So, good job keeping it up and getting this far. We’re all glad you’re here,” she says, smiling warmly.

You aren’t quite sure what to say to that either. “Uh… thanks, I guess. I didn’t really do much though, just hid from everyone else mostly.”

Her expression is sympathetic and you are aching for a topic change. You ask again about the concept of focusing your meister’s soul energy and she explains in more detail with Feferi’s help until the bell rings.

You head to the back field by the gardens where you trained the first day.The charismatic instructor gives you a few tips, but then turns on the dummies and says you have the class to yourselves, seeing as this is the first one and it’s best to just get used to your partners. As the others transform and head off Terzi turns to you with her game face on. You nod and immediately feel the flutter of her soul against yours. You accept her after only a moments of resistance and make the connection, shifting to your weapon form. She catches it and holds fast. What Aradia had said makes sense now, as you can feel your scythe become both incredibly lightweight and yet strong enough to cut through anything as she feeds it with the power from her soul.

You feel an excitement and elation even stronger than your own and you realise it is your meister’s. You focus her energy more acutely and she holds the giant scythe over her head and twirls it with three fingers like it’s the size of a pencil.

“We did it!” She’s practically bouncing up and down with excitement now and you smile to yourself in your mind.

“Yeah, yeah, stop twirling me around before I get dizzy,” your voice echos metallicly out of the blade.

“Liar. You can’t get dizzy when you’re like this. And I can feel that you’re happy too, just admit it.”

“Never. Now go on and kill something.”

She laughs and swings the scythe back, leaping for thee nearest dummy. It aims a blow at her, which she blocks with the scythe hilt effortlessly and in the same motion swings downwards to hit it on it’s head. Instead, the blade continues down, slicing through the metal dummy like a steak knife through warm butter, and embeds itself all the way up to the hilt in the ground. She blinks her sightless eyes in surprise as the two perfectly cut halves of the dummy spark and collapse to the sides.

“Whoops.”

She spends the next minute working to pull the long blade from the grass but eventually succeeds. “Why didn’t you tell me you were so sharp?” she pants.

“I was never able to cut through anything like that until you came along, it’s your fault.” You feel a flutter of amusement and mentally flip her off. “Now you got my blade covered in dirt.”

She laughs and carries you to the garden to look for a hose. “Well, I’d say we’re off to a pretty good start all things considered.”
this one is boring whoops

chap 1 ==> [link]
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The train comes to a screeching halt, and almost immediately a flood of people squeeze through the small gap of a door.

They all seem so gray and dingy and dirty and way too similar to another. They all look the same, and it fucking sucks.

You shuffle through the tightly-packed crowd, stopping a few feet away from the platform, and soon the train whooshes right by again, gone as fast as it appeared.

You attempt to look over the crowd, but to no avail because all these damn people are too tall.

But in the midst of the commotion, you still spot a bright splotch of blue, completely conspicuous in the crowd of the otherwise gray blobs.

You jog over to him, calling out "John! John!" and some strangers look at you before going back to their business.

Rose doesn't remember.

Jade doesn't remember.

Not even Bro remembers.

But you're still hopeful as you run over to him, snatching him up in your arms, not willing to ever let go.

"Excuse me," he says, tapping your shoulder, attempting to be polite as possible. "I think you have the wrong person. I don't know you."

The tears of joy that were trying to squirm out of your eyes finally fall, but for a different reason entirely.

You squeeze him tighter, inhaling and saying with a cracked voice, "Yeah. But I know you."
whoops, i sadstucked

reblog on Tumblr here: [link]
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Chapter 3

The rest of the day studying went rather peaceful. Alfred seemed to be really impressed by my drawings, even though I think they didn't really look as good as he told me, but still it made me a little happy to see someone impressed about something I made for once. This didn't happen often.

We stayed at the library until it closed and afterwards we wandered around on the street for a bit, Alfred still giving small glances to my bruised hand every now and then.

"Artie, I wanna come over to yer place!" Alfred said excitedly. Unfortunately for him, I never let someone get near my home. I didn't like it if people got ideas about what was going on in the household. It's none of their business.

"No," I replied shortly, not caring about explaining; It'd cause me even more trouble.

"Aw, but why, Artie? We're friends!" The other guy now pouted. Damn git…

"Just because I don't want to. But we could eat something before going back home?"

"Yes! Okay, sounds awesome, I wanna eat at this awesome, cheap restaurant down the road!"

"Could you be more specific? There's multiple restaurants down there,"

"I dunno, I only recognize when I see it,"

Seemed Alfred was as random and oblivious as ever, but I still decided to tag along. If it was about food, the boy seemed to know everything.

The rain was still pouring, and several more dark clouds were on their way to may even cause a thunderstorm. I'd not like to have to walk around outside tonight, so I'd better eat now and then lock myself up in my room when I arrive at home. It's the best thing I can do.

Eventually, while both hiding under the umbrella Alfred brought, we arrived at the restaurant the lad told me about.

It was a lovely place. It was nicely decorated, rather antique-looking compared to most restaurants these days, but it fitted my taste quite well. Overall the colours differed from between red-pink to brown. It didn't look girly though, it just looked nice and cosy.

Alfred let me decide where to sit. I've always liked looking around at all people passing and shopping, so we ended up at the seat closest to the window. Once we settled down it didn't take long before a friendly looking woman gave us a small menu. The woman smiled at us, and her brown, wavy hair made her look even more happy. She seemed to be rather happy to have us eating at this place.

"You want to order something to drink for now?" She asked politely, still having a nice smile on her face.

"Hm, a cup of tea please," I replied, since I'm sure nothing can beat the nice taste of tea, even if it's near dinnertime.

"What flavour, sir?"

"Twinning's Lady Gray, please, if possible,"

That's one of my favourite flavours. It's like Earl Gray, but a bit less strong and a small hint of some tropical fruit. Just perfect for the late noon-early evening.

"Yes, sure that's possible, so what does your friend want to order?" She asked Alfred as she wrote down my order.

"Uhm, I wanna have a coke, please!" He beamed, again smiling. His face always lightened up when he was talking about food, it seems. A bit weird, but it suits him…

"Sure! Your drinks will be here soon," And she walked off.

Both Alfred and I picked up our menu's to take a look at what to order. Alfred was right when he said this restaurant was cheap; instead of the usual over-priced restaurants I used to come across, these were very reasonable prices.

"So, what'd ya wanna eat?" Alfred suddenly asked me. I was a bit shocked since I was completely occupied by my own thoughts about the restaurant.

"I think I'll go with the… uuhm…" I looked at the menu again, since I forgot what it was called, "Uhm, wait, these dishes just have country-related names? How the hell am I supposed to know what I want?" I noticed. I must say it was a quite nice idea, but I'm not really good at knowing what food is from what country, it's never really interested me…

"Well, just chose the American one! There's no doubt it's the most delicious one!"

It was then that the woman with the flower in her hair arrived again, holding a tray with soda and a nice, steaming cup of water-the teabag still needed to be put in of course.

"Haha, well it's okay if you don't know what food is from which country! Let me tell you," She started while putting our drinks on the table, "The country names refer to the most popular and well-known dishes from that country, which is obvious I guess?"

Both Alfred and I nodded in return.

"Thus the American dishes include fries-,"

"Chips," I quietly corrected her, though she didn't hear and just continued talking;

"-sauce, and of course a hamburger," she summed up and Alfred's smile got even wider as he heard the word 'hamburger'.

"So, what's for the English dish?"

"Fish and chips, of course!" the woman said, and I figured it was to be expected, "And, let's see, for Italian we've got pasta or pizza, for German potatoes and wurst, for Japanese sushi, and so on… Today's specialities is Dutch traditional food, though!"

"So, what's in the Dutch dish then?" I asked, rather curious. I remembered some Dutch guy from my class, and well… he was quite tall, I've always wondered what he ate to become that tall… I think it wouldn't mind if I were a few inches longer…

"It's called 'boerenkool met worst' in Dutch, which is literally translated as 'farmer's lettuce with sausage' though, well, that doesn't make any sense," the woman informed us, "It's the so called 'boerenkool', which is a type of lettuce, mixed with squashed potato, small pieces of bacon and dish-gravy mixed together, and a piece of 'rookworst' on top. 'Rookworst' is a sausage that hang in the smoke of a fire, it's got some very strong taste," She explained on, "It's mostly eaten at cold winter days," she finished off her story. I kind of lost it half way, but it seemed to be a nice and stomach-filling dish, so I ordered. And also because it was the cheapest, since it's the meal-of-the-day…

A little time passed and by the time our food arrived we were both kind of hungry. The steaming plates looked even more delicious then we could've imagined and without too much formalities we just dug in.

The so called 'boerenkool' I ate was kind of a weird dish, but I figured it tasted nice enough. The most delicious was the sausage, though.

Alfred also seemed to enjoy his meal. But then again, when did he not?

We both finished our plates and were grateful for the nice food. The waitress now came to pick up our plates as she asked "You boys want a dessert?"

Both of us nodded happily. After all, who could resist the nice-looking pictures of the desserts on the menu. I chose the French dessert, which meant I got myself some 'Dame Blanche'. Alfred just went along with me and ordered the same, assuring me 'he'd always wanted to try a true French dessert,' though I thought it was rather ordinary.

We, once again, finished eating soon, stating it really was delicious. When our stomachs were filled we received the bill, which was rather payable, even for me. We paid the bill and were ready to leave the restaurant until the woman who was our waitress for today started talking us again

"Please come again soon, you boys are so nice!" she told us, "My name is Elisabeta, don't hesitate to drop by once in a while!"

"Thank you, miss," I said politely, "We'll be sure to return, the food was delicious and the service sure was nice,"

"Aw, see, I told you boys were sweethearts! See you around!"

"Sure, m'am," Alfred beamed here a smile, and we walked out of the story, again using the umbrella to stay dry. We waved until we were around the corner that was a little further down the street, and we walked on, non of us really knowing where to go.

There were cars rushing on the road, trying to be home soon, since it was already past rush-hour. We arrived at a traffic light, and when I saw the green light, I started to walk.

What I didn't see was a car that was driving on, blinded by the rain. By the time I heard it, it was already too late. So… this is how I die, after a long life of unhappiness and when I finally found a friend…I thought to myself.

But I was surprised when I felt someone grab my jacket and pull me back to the pavement, holding me close.

It all happened so slowly, but once the car had passed I started to come back to reality and could hear Alfred's voice from above my head. He sounded rather angry for his usual cheerfulness.

"Don't ever do that, Iggy! It's dangerous! Ya wanna die, or somethin'? Dude that was scary, yer lucky with havin' a hero as a friend!"

I could feel how his arms were still wrapped around me, holding me rather tight around my ribs. It didn't feel too pleasant, since he touched the exact same spot as where my father kicked my ribs last time. I still wasn't sure if it was a bad injury –after all I didn't want to go to the hospital for a check-up in case they'd suspect anything- but I can say it hurt quite a lot.

I'd bandaged it, and tried not to move it too much, but with the lad's arm holding so tight onto me, I couldn't help but grasp for air by the pain it caused me.

"Seriously, dude, ya shocke-… Are ya okay?" he finally noticed my pain.

"J-…just let go… of me!" I said in between my grasping. He quickly released me and I bent forward, grabbed my ribs and tried to get myself together.

"Wow, dude, what's wrong? You okay? Did the car hit ya or anythin'?"

"No I'm fine, just some minor injury I already had," I replied, still holding my ribs, trying to ease the pain sooner as it slowly started to fade away.

"It's not some minor injury if yer havin' this much pain! I'm not stupid,"

"It's fine, just let me rest a little and I'll be fine," the usual stubbornness I had returned.

Alfred stopped talking and let me rest, knowing he couldn't do anything else since I was being stubborn, and only looked at me with worried, blue eyes.

He'd dropped his umbrella, he noticed, and quickly grabbed it off the ground again, though by the time he put it above our heads again, we were already soaked.

"I'm fine now," I told him as I barely felt any more pain in my ribs.

"Should I walk ya home?"

I gazed at the boy, not sure if he was serious… Unfortunately, he was.

"I'm not some damned damsel in distress!" I told him off. He might claim himself being a hero, but I can take care of myself just fine!

"It's okay, just askin'," Alfred murmured in return. He looked at me a bit longer, probably to make sure I really was all right, but I pretended I didn't notice. I shouldn't make him too suspicious of having injuries, whether minor or important, since if he'd notice it too often, he might start meddling in my business, and I don't want that.

It's not that I don't trust him, not at all. Actually I trust him more then I trust most people, and even I don't know why. But still, no matter how good of a friend he was, I still wanted to help my dad by my own power.

We continued walking on, now more cautious of the traffic, and soon we arrived at the place where we usually parted. We stood still for a bit, trying to stay under the umbrella as long as possible, even though we were already soaked.

We could hear thunder in the distance, which meant it will become a thunderstorm here soon as well, but we didn't worry yet.

At the moment we were just enjoying the smell and feeling it gave when it rained. For some reason this always seemed to make me happy, no matter how sad most people thought it was. I just enjoyed the smell of everything being wet by the rain and the sound of thunder that became louder and louder as the time passed. It was as if the world stood still, as if nobody but Alfred and I were here, enjoying the view, smelling the rain, feeling each other's presence.

But, even though I felt like this moment could stay forever and I still wouldn't ever be bored, Alfred started to talk.

"It's goin' to be a storm tonight, we better hurry up 'nd go home,"

I must say I agreed with him, but for some reason my gaze didn't waver as I kept staring at how the rain fell onto the ground. I didn't want this moment to end, I didn't want to leave Alfred's side, I didn't want to go back to the house where my dad was now being angry about how I came home late and didn't make him any meal. I was sure he'd beat me again.

"Artie?" Alfred asked, turning so he now faced me, "Ya like the rain, don't ya?" he asked, smiling.

"Sure I do, you don't?" I was glad I could make this moment last a little longer.

"Hm, I prefer the sun. But rain is nice… It suits ya,"
.
"Why would it suit me?"

"Yer grumpiness," he joked and I gave him a glare. I couldn't stay mad at him for long though as he continued, "And the nice, peaceful feelin' once it's over. It's like ya,"

"I still don't see why I'm like that," I continued, not sure if it was my stubbornness that didn't want to admit or if I really didn't understood the lad that was now staring at me with his sky-blue eyes, that reminded me of the clear sky, with no rain at all. The happy sky…

"Well, at first it looks all grumpy 'nd mean, but when ya wait long enough, the sky will open up, 'nd will show ya a refreshed, nice world, filled with energy," he explained.

I gazed back in his eyes, which were hidden behind frames that made him look even more handsome then without them. It was as if this guy could see right through the wall I built around myself to protect myself from any harm. This guy, with his clear eyes, seemed to also clear up my sky, the rainy sky that then turned into the refreshed and nice one.

I could feel my heart raging in my chest and my cheeks started to become warmer. The moment seemed to take minutes, hours and maybe even days. Or so it felt.

I soon was pulled back to reality as Alfred started brushing through my hair with his free hand and continued talking to me.

"Take the umbrella, ya'll need it. See ya Monday," he smiled at me, again, and started walking off, waving back to me, "Don't forget, I'm yer hero!" he said and soon started jogging, to be home quicker.

Yes, maybe the guy really is a true hero, making me forget about the sad world, creating a happy world filled with…Him…

Or that's what I though as I continued to walk home, holding the umbrella above my head and preparing for the beating I'd get when I got home, if my dad would still be awake…
//Author’s Note//

Yes, this took a long time. The start, I had in mind, the first few paragraphs, though in the end I wrote it differently. Also the ending was written randomly. I don’t know how I got the idea, I just did. :S all of I went that way

The Dutch dish… Yeah well, I’ve gotta boast a BIT about my country, right? XD (also I felt like “ do not want to have Arthur eat fish and chips, that’d be cliché”) And it’s one of my favourite types of food, together with pasta xD yeah you should try it…. Oh gawd I feel like telling you about even more Dutch food XD

And the “ Twinning’s lady gray” tea…. Dude I drink it every morning XD except that’s it’s package is empty now :/ it really is nice <3

Of course the waitress was Hungary

Next time Arthur might actually start eating his national food, yes, I don’t know, I was just being stubborn >.< sorry!

Long chapter is long because I felt like it? And be lucky, since I’ll be going away, ofc, for about 10dyas to 2 weeks, it can differ a bit.

Tomorrow I’ll try uploading HwRT chapter 16, hjdbgfhdbhj busy times XD

Over all, this chapter took long because life prevented me from writing. Sorry.

I don’t have anything to say, and please don’t be mad at me, this chapter sure was a fail :/ but I don’t know how to make it better and jgbhfbhj I wanted it to be up before I went to France!!!

Byee <3

Oh and happy independence day!!

I do not own Hetalia or the characters, those belong to their rightful (awesome) creator, Hidekaz Himaruya!
Also I do not own Twinning’s or any other brands I might have used while writing. Those also belong to the rightful owners!
(04/07/11)

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Another Nightmare
I have had them a lot lately, the Kishin still lurking in my head.

A blood red film covered my eye sight, terrified screams piercing my hearing, along with a insane laugh and cruel shrieks.
The Kishin pushed me over, and I flung into the back of a rock.
I stood onto something soft and wet. I looked under me.
"NO, NO, NO, NO!!!!" I screamed seeing a stack of bodies underneath me.
Crona, Miss. Marie, Stein, Tsubaki, Black star, Kid, Patty, Liz, Papa…
And Soul.
"S… Soul?" I whimpered kneeling down.
"SOUL WAKE UP!" I screamed shaking his lifeless body.
"SOUL, NO SOUL!"

"Maka, wake up, Wake up Maka!" Soul yelled.
My eyes flew open, my mouth half open about to scream again.
"Shh Maka, shh… Its okay, I'm here… I'm here" He whispered resting his hand on my forehead. I bolted upright, a line of sweat along my hairline.
"S… Soul?" I whispered looking up at him, frightened.
"You were screaming my name, what's wrong?"
I didn't answer him; fresh tears were streaming from my eyes as I latched onto him, wrapping my arms around his waist and keeping my head on his warm chest.
He didn't complain, he just laid back down with me, pulling the blankets over us.
I cradled into his chest, scared that if I let go I would lose him again

                                        '~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
'Maka isn't usually like this' I thought to myself, her head still leaning onto my chest, just under my chin 'I don't want her hurting, but I wish she did this more often'
I had loved Maka ever since after the Kishin attack, I mean, I liked her before it as well, but I really started to love her once I saw how brave, intelligent… and beautiful she was.
My shirt was practically drenched with her tears, I gently rested my lips on her head, drinking in her sweet scent, I was holding back the urge to take her tighter into my arms and just love her.
But I couldn't, she needed a friend…  'Plus, she has Crona' I thought sourly.
No, I wouldn't be like that, Crona is just a good friend to Maka, she's helping him.
I rested my chin on her head and closed my eyes, holding her slightly tighter.

                                    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I'M COMING SLEEPY HEADS!" I heard Black Star shout from outside.
Maka was still asleep in my grip, her face soft and relaxed.
Piss of Black Star!
I gently slipped out from the bed and looked.
My shirt was still wet from her tears, so I quickly shook it off and grabbed another one.
"Ouch" I hissed when I accidently elbowed my scar.
It was a dark red, with stiches messily showing.
I walked over to the door as Black Star strutted over
"Hey Bro" He grinned slapping my hand.
"Hey Black Star, Hey Tsubaki. Maka and I aren't going to school today" I shrugged. Hopefully she wouldn't me too mad.
"Is she okay?" Tsubaki asked nervously.
"Yeah, just a few Nightmares, nothing too bad, but she was really shaken up when I went to her" I muttered.
Black Star grinned slyly "Spend the night with her, Eye Soul?"
How the hell would he know?
"Dude, we share a compartment- now before Professor Stein rips you to pieces, you better go"
"Oh, Can I come around to see Maka tonight then?" Tsubaki asked softly, her eyes still worried.
"Sure, as long as you don't bring this thing along" I grinned punching Black Star in the shoulder "'kay, See ya"
"Bye Soul!" Black Star called loudly again.
I shut the door as quietly as I could, hopefully Maka wasn't awake.
I tip toed into her room and checked on her; she seemed all right, beautiful actually.
"I better leave her alone then" I whispered sadly walking over to my room.
'What to do, what to do…' I thought glumly
                                            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
part 2 of MakaXSoul

Make has more nightmares about the long lost Kishin, but she starts screaming in the night, alerting Soul.
As she starts to dawn across how she feels about him in that dream and her reaction, she latches onto him,
and Soul stays with her for the night.
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They called me ugly
so i put on makeup
in the hopes that one day
i might be beautiful

They said i was fat
so i stopped eating
in the hopes that my waist would shrink
and Their hearts would grow

They told me i was weird
so i tried to change myself
distancing me from the girl
i have known my whole life

They told me i didn't deserve life
so i began to hurt myself
in the hopes that somebody would see
that i'm in pain
and that i would become worthy

i took Their scorn
and i tried my best
to become the person
They said I'd never be

but yet in the end
i failed tragically
hating the fact that i'm
who i am

They told me i should die
so one day i finally decided
i'd try to grant Their last wish
to finally get something right

but now i see
that I am worth something
That their words
Are nothing on me

From now on I'll only be
What I was meant to be
And I won't change
For anybody anymore

they will not control my life
I will not let them dictate
my thoughts or my actions
because I will not stoop down again

I will not let them get that satisfaction
I will not let them degrade me
I will not let them morphe the
Beautiful person that is me.

From now on
I am myself
and I am perfectly content
with who I am

and who I will become.
i know i haven't talked in awhile about this, but i'm going to let you all know, in case you haven't heard, my own bullying experience.

from fourth grade to eighth grade, i was bullied by the same exact people, and even faculty. they would reduce me to tears by calling me fat/ugly/stupid/retarded/annoying/weird/etc. everything and anything i did was stupid, annoying and pointless and everything i said was nothing but idiocy. they even took my drawings and made fun of them, criticizing my art and laughing at my poetry. all my faults were picked at until i began to hate myself, and i tried to change who i was. i tried losing weight, i wore makeup, i changed my clothes, my hairstyle. anything, to make them like me mre, was distorted. i slowly lost who i was in that crowd. i quit theater. i didn't sing as loud as i used to. when someone asked me to do their homework, i did it. every night i cried myself to sleep, hoping and praying that they would accept me tomorrow, that people would finally actually give two fucks.

and the teachers were just as bad. every bad grade i got was horrible and i was scum on the earth. i blabbed when i would get nervous, and automatically i was scolded. my makeup was too much, i wasn't wearing the right shoes. one teacher even openly saw the cut scars that were on my arm and chose to ignore them. she deliberately steered clear of me. on several occasions this was also the teacher that would yell at me until i started to cry. my middle school made it very clear that they didn't like me and they didn't want me around.

one day, one of these people had told me i should go die. i was in 8th grade then. and i actually attempted that night. i swallowed a ton of pills in the hopes of finally giving them what they wanted. i felt as if no one loved me, no friends and no one to talk to. i didn't die, i woke up just feeling a little more tired than usual. ever since fifth grade, i have fantasized my death. i would replay how i would die in different ways, by lying on the train tracks near my house, to hanging myself, to slitting my wrists and letting the blood flow out into the water, to overdosing, to shooting myself, to jumping off buildings, etc. i had become so obsessed with death and darkness, but no one would ever know because i had always tried to be so kind to everyone, no matter what i was going through.

a couple of months ago i attempted again, even though i had entered high school and some of the bullying had ceased. but in high school things were even worse- the bullies were getting popular and i was being outcasted. i was deleted and blocked by several people on facebook (and i still am today), they refused to acknowledge my presense whenever they saw me and they basically got to live their high school lives happily. where was the justice? i had always thought high school was where i would be the happy one and they'd get crushed. my motivation all throughout life was "get to high school and things will get better". well, things weren't getting better. worse than bullying, i was just being ignored by most, just simply ignored. and those who didn't ignore me, were secretly talking about me behind my back. i felt so powerless and sad. i began to fantasize not just about killing myself, but going to school with a gun and pointing it at others to make the kids apologize for what they'd done to me, then take my own life. my mind was becoming dark, sad and twisted. i tried again to kill myself, which didn't succeed because i had been found. i was taken to a mental treatment center, where i stayed for a week in serious therapy. there, i met kids who were like me and had similar experiences.

up until this year i have hated myself constantly, and even now i still struggle with nit-picking at my body, my personality, what i say or do. but i have learned that i can do one out of two things: i could let the bullies control the rest of my life or i would get my revenge by living it to the fullest. i chose the latter. to this day, i am striving to be excellent in my education, in social life and in my art and writing. and you know who i have to thank for?

my bullies.

so to everyone in my fucking middle school, thank you for making me feel like shit from 10-15. five years of bullcrap has given me the motivation to not let one day go wasted. i will not let myself fall into a dark pit of pity and self-hate. i am going to pick myself up from the ground and learn that i am worth something, more than they will ever know. i am strong and wonderful and i deserve to be happy, no matter what who i am.

and to all those who are currently being bullied, i know this sounds like a load of shit, but believe me when i say it DOES get better. you can control how your life goes after the bullying leaves. choose to make you a better person. dwelling on what they say will only make you sick and dark, and no one wants to be friends with somebody that doesn't even love themselves. love you for who you are, because there isn't one person out in this world that is like you. you are a beautiful gift from God (even if you don't believe in Him) and you are worth so much than you credit yourself. make your bullies your biggest motivator to make something out of your life and make them regret ever being mean to you. because no one deserves to feel like nothing. you can do it :heart:

and just thought you guys would get a kick out of this: one of my bullies actually asked me out a couple of months ago. ;D dumbass lolol.
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"SOUL!" I yelled from the kitchen
"Shut up Maka, It's Sunday!" he grunted back, the sun's light filtered through the red curtains, bighting up the atmosphere.
I sighed angrily and took a bite out of my toast "It's Monday dumbass"
He growled from his room and I heard a thump, probably falling out of his bed again.
"BLACK STAR'S HERE TO BRIGHTEN UP YOUR DAY!!!!! HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!!!!" I heard that loud, annoying voice from outside.
"Be quiet Black*star, people are still sleeping probably!" Tsubaki gasped from outside desperately
"Right, whoops, well, I just made their day so much better, HA HA HA HA HA!!!"
Soul must of heard Black stars voice because he was already coming for the kitchen.
"Mornin'" Soul grunted, his blood red eyes glittering.
"Good Morning" I murmured again, peeling my eyes from his. It had been nearly a month after the attack from the Kishin, and since seeing Soul near death, my feelings for him suddenly seemed to explode outwards.
He ate in silence as per usual, and I walked over to the door to let Black star and Tsubaki in, Black star ran over to Soul while I hugged Tsubaki, one of my closest friends.
"Kid's not here yet with Liz and Patty?" I asked taking another bite.
"Oh, he was going to come, but suddenly though his painting was slightly tilting" Tsubaki giggled softly.
"Of course" I laughed with her "Well, hopefully he isn't late for class, he was last time and Stein nearly dissected him"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hey Crona!" I yelled seeing him walk off near a tree. He jumped in surprise and looked over to me, relieved.
"O-oh, Hi Maka" He murmured blushing deeply.
"Haven't seen you in a while, how did the operation go?" I asked softly. He had a large wound down his torso, thanks to that witch and a bitch, Medusa.
"Fine, Stein said I can go back to school" He said cheerily. His gaze darkened slightly "Is Soul mad with me?"
What?
"Why would Soul be mad at you?" I whispered to him, confused.
"He's j-just glaring at us"
I whipped around and saw Soul quickly turn his head, his eyes dark and gloomy.
"Ignore him; he's just upset because he thought it was Sunday" I grumbled grabbing Crona by the hand and pulling him towards class.
"New outfit I see" I chuckled softly while we walked to class.
"Oh, Yeh, the other one was ripped from M-M...." He silenced off on Medusa's name.
"It's okay Crona, she won't be able to hurt you anymore, and we're here, all of us" I murmured grabbing Crona's hand.
Soul snorted behind me
"Piss of Soul" I growled walking slightly faster. Crona had a lime green hoddie on with white jeans
"Steins not in today, did you hear the news's as well about Miss. Marie?" Crona murmured when he took a seat beside me.
"No, I haven't heard anything about them at all"
"Miss. Marie and Professor Stein are getting married!" Crona squeaked happily.
"Really, Wow!" I gasped happily "Oh my god, that's amazing. When are they getting married?"
"I don't know, but Miss. Marie said something to me as well" He blushed "She said she wants to... she wanted to Adopt me"
I beamed up at Crona "Oh Crona, that amazing news. But, will you be okay with it?"
"Of course!" He quivered burying his face into a book, his eyes barely showing, but containing traces of fear.
"Marie and Stein will be good for you Crona, They won't hurt you, they'll love you like a real mother should"
"Really?" He whispered
"Of course" I giggled wrapping my arm around his torso.
He smiled happily
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Why were you so cruel to Crona, Soul?" I snapped at him when we got back from school "He had amazing news, Miss. Marie and Professor Stein are getting married, and they're going to adopt him - then he thinks you're mad at him!"
"Whatever Maka, I'm not the one sucking up to him like a puppy!" He snapped back sitting down on the couch and flicking through channels.
I wanted to Maka chop him so bad, but I couldn't...
"What's your problem with him, he's so nice Soul, give him a chance!" I actually started pleading for Crona.
He switched off the T.V and walked just beside me.
"I was jealous alright, I was jealous of Crona and you" He murmured walking off to his room.
"What?" I whispered, my heart fluttering like a humming bird.
Soul was Jealous?
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I'm sorry I Just Had to share how I have been thinking...
This is Towards a special friend indeed..
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My ChildHood Has Come To Past,

No More Laughing, No More Carefree

No More DillyDallying, It's all up to me.

Whether To Decide, Who I want to be.

No More Playing Hide N' Seek In The Sun

My Last Graduation, was the moment to be Fun.

No More Waking Up, Waiting for a Perfect Day.

No More Of That.

Now I am a teenager, a soon to be woman.

My Job has come, to get the job well done.

Peer Pressure, Social Life, All Those kind of things.

But You know what? I have to be ahead of the game.

No More Free Time, Lots of stuff to do.

But you know one thing? Childhood...

I Miss You.
-sigh- Yeah.. I am missing being 6-10 yrs old running outside carefree without nobody hurting me. I miss laughing and playing outside on the playground. I miss doing alot of that stuff. But I have to grow up. And become a Woman.

So Do You Have to grow up, and be who you want to be.
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