Nursery Rhymes, Writer StyleJack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of waterNursery Rhymes, Writer Style3 years ago in Settings More Like This
Then I appeared and struck such fear as I began my slaughter.
I held them down and they did frown as I tossed aside their pail
And I gloat, I slit their throat and threw them down the well.
Now I'm done, well that was fun, the well I then looked down
Don't be sad, it's not as bad as if he'd broke his crown.
So then I walked on through the woods, and noticed at my feet
A trail of bread, led up ahead to a house that smelled so sweet.
When I approached it, in the air was a familiar smell
The smell of burning flesh was there, you know I can just tell.
I looked inside and to my surprise i saw two little kids
I saw them cooking an old hag, they watched her burn within.
I nodded in approval, they're fine without me here
So I walked along and sang a song to find out something near.
I heard a soft-like humming, and smelled out something good
So I looked out through the forest, and spotted a red hood
Following her from behind appeared a wo
What Fools You Mortals BeAnd then they all got chased by some killer bees.What Fools You Mortals Be6 years ago in Fan Fiction More Like This
And then Toni was actually the Giant Hulking Lungfish of Lake Oblongata that was stealing children's brains.
And then Veser became Czar of all of Russia and decreed that everyone should own a pet shark.
And then Conrad flew to the moon and started a colony of immortal chocolate Easter bunnies that would one day take over the world.
And then Hanna and his zombie friend said, "Screw this stupid Victorian Age!" and traveled to the future using a time machine built by Doc Worth which created a tear in the fabric of time and space effectively destroying the universe for all eternity.
And that's why bananas grow on trees.
1000 Fluffy Labcoat BatsConbat paced bloodily back and forth. Rotten dread filled his heart. Worth should have been home at least an hour ago and it wasn't like him to be late. Oh, my delicious love, Conbat thought. Where could you be?1000 Fluffy Labcoat Bats5 years ago in Fan Fiction More Like This
Just then, the phone rang. It was the police. Worth had been taken hostage by Fluffy Fang, a supervillain who had the city in a state of charming terror. Conbat fainted dead away, like a beautiful unicorn in an iridescent negligee.
When he came to, there was a bump on his wing and the rotten dread had returned. "Worth, my filthy honey bunny," he cried out absurdly. "What is Fluffy Fang doing to you?" Probably torturing him, laughing pervishly as he licked him in the hair.
In the midst of all the terror and tears, Conbat remembered a story his grandmother had told him. If you fold 1000 fluffy labcoat bats, then whatever you wish for will come true.
Conbat ordered in a supply of fluffy labcoats and set to work, folding bats until his wing was sore and he could hardly see. It took
Top 10: Jesus or SupermanTop 10: Ways of Identifying Jesus or SupermanTop 10: Jesus or Superman6 years ago in Humor More Like This
10. Has returned from the dead more than once, and might possibly do so again.
9. Exploits are followed by millions of avid readers for many years.
8. Subject of painful disagreement and arguments among fans.
7. Does good works without expectation of reward.
6. Maintains a tax-free Fortress of Solitude.
5. Was sent to earth to save us all.
4. Shoots heat-beams from eyes.
3. Primary opponent is evil and prefers underground lair.
2. Native language is not English.
1. Has a superb sense of humor and would never hurt the author of a Top 10 list.
Editorial DecisionEdward, you LEECH!Editorial Decision6 years ago in Humor More Like This
Youre a stinking DOG, Jacob!
Then the two fell upon each other, snarling and biting, ripping at each others clothes, then flesh. Jacob was the first to clutch Edwards penis and slide it into his mouth, chomping down. Edward followed suit, grasping Jacobs
I tossed the manuscript on my desk before I tossed my cookies. This was hopeless. This was also the best work Id received yet for the newspaper writing contest. I rubbed my eyes, trying to think up yet another new, polite way to say you so utterly suck.
So? What do you think?
I looked up at the writer responsible for this masterpiece. Mrs. Muldoon was a deacon in our church, and had fallen inexplicably hard for Ms.Meyers vampire wiles. I was as mystified as anyone, I suppose.
Writer's BlockI first met Alistair Creaux at WritersCon '97, and from the first words he uttered to me in a drunken slur I knew he was destined for greatness: Sometimes I get an idea and it's so so sweet I'll just ride it like a buckin bronc and donkey-punch that fucker.Writer's Block4 years ago in Flash Fiction & Vignettes More Like This
I'd nodded sagely, not quite understanding but impressed by his zeal. Once I'd actually read Creaux's work it all made sense. Wonderful, crazy sense. He wrote like a combination of Hunter S. Thompson, William Burroughs, and Stephen King. Epic storytelling, accessible to the common man, but shot through with Deeper Meaning for those willing to delve.
His fame skyrocketed since I'd discovered him. He was BorderHouse's number one draw; every book pre-sold by the millions as soon as it was announced, anticipated by rabid fans (Creauxians, they called themselves) and lovingly dissected on numerous internet fan sites around the world. Two of his books had beco
An Interview With Gods n DanteAn Interview With Gods n Dante6 years ago in Fantasy More Like This
1. So in your opinion, are you Uke or seme?
that wasn't he question.
I'm seme in my opinion. cos I have a penis that is the size of my age
i feel like i should be seme but sometimes i donno.
I'm a bottom seme. that likes to cry after we make love
i cry while we make love
because it was beautiful, not cos gods abuses me during,
2. Where you originally into men, or did your significant other whip that out of you? [lol, whip]
yooou must whip it!
As solid as a WilsonAs solid as a WilsonAs solid as a Wilson4 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
Gregory House limped away from the remains that once were his motorbike. There were flames and smoke everywhere that made his vision blurry. He tried to get away from the danger. Danger. Hah. Gregory House didn't know what danger was, he thought bitterly to himself. He sighed as he sat down in the grass. When he looked at his motorbike, he wondered how he actually got there. It seemed like ages ago he was pulling pranks on Wilson
'Morning sunshine.' House said cheerfully when Wilson came in, still wearing his pyjamas. 'Morning' Wilson grunted back. Dark rings under his eyes showed signs of the long nights at the hospital, the many patients and relatives he had to comfort and the pain he had to see every day. 'So, any plans for today?' House asked while he held out a mock with coffee to his friend. 'House, please, not this morning, I'm tired. I had the worst night ev.. What is that?!' He spat out his coffee, midsentence, with a disgusted look. He wiped
What is Love?What is love?What is Love?3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Seriously I wanna know!
Is it that heart-stopping, woozy feeling I get
Whenever I see or hear Axl Rose?
The little girly squeals I do
Whenever I hear the name Shawn Michaels?
The little "bunny-hop" I do in excitement
When I see Triple H on screen?
People say that's called infatuation
Personally I think that love is real
But what do I know?
Or....is it that feeling
I get whenever I see them?
The feeling of happiness
The feeling of wanting to be around that person more
Of not wanting them to leave
Of sadness vanishing whenever they are around
Of laughter, fights, anger, love and hate?
Of never getting enough of their presence
Is that love?
I do know someone like that
They are my world and hopefully
I am their world
They make me smile and laugh
Make me angry and cry
They listen to me and are sympathetic
I'm that way to them too
Not exactly a boy
But not exactly a girl either
So am I straight or gay?
That is however you think I am.
I might be
F.A.C.T.S. About M.K. MoonThree: I will never post a self-portrait or 'selfie'. Though I never really care about how I look pictures (especially taken by myself) makes me feel ultra self conscious and make me feel ugly.(Please do not tell me I'm not ugly. I've gotten over that phase. It's just a feeling and I can't help that.) DO NOT try to be like some people on Tumblr (Not you any of my D.A. friends) who tried to pressure me into taking selifes. Unlike my D.A. friends they just could not accept the fact that I DO NOT WANT/LIKE TO TAKE PICTURES OF MYSELF. They honestly thought sending me anonymous messages demanding a selfie would work. It just made me paranoid and despise Tumblr even more than I already do.F.A.C.T.S. About M.K. Moon2 years ago in Profiles More Like This
Four: I'm a classic rock fan. Please do not try to say 'One Direction is better111!!' or whatever. I not only will not care about your opinion I'll delete your comment. Plain and simple.
Kaiju Creepypasta: Baradagi Part 3: the Giant ClawKaiju Creepypasta: Baradagi Part 3: the Giant Claw3 years ago in Horror More Like This
I pointed over to the tape on top of the pile. It was completely unmarked, as were the rest. “Let’s check that one out first, shall we?” I asked.
“Fair enough.” Mumbled Arthur. He quietly popped the first tape out, and went into the next room, returning in a minute with a piece of masking tape and a sharpie. He slapped some tape on the edge of the cassette, and scrawled something on it before showing it to me. It read “B-Garasharp”
“The ‘B’ he explained, “marks proof of Baradagi. We might put something else on the tapes if more patterns pop up that we notice.”
I shook my head. “More patterns? You got any coffee, Red Bull, Mountain Dew? This could be a long night…”
He strode into the other room, but was back in a moment with several massive bottles of Mountain Dew in his hands and a big grin on his face. “There’s plenty more where those came from.” he chuckled as he set them in f
Quick the DonkeyQuick the Donkey9 years ago in Fantasy More Like This
The donkey's name was Quick.
His front hooves were neat and dexterous and opposable, and his back hooves were the size of dinner plates and had unassuming steel shoes. He had a pale grey hide and pale pink nostrils, and ears like enormous fringed fans, and if you lifted up his cowl far enough, you would find large, slightly worried brown eyes, with the devastatingly long eyelashes reserved for beauty queens and large ungulates. He was a small, neat-footed donkey who kept his elbows tucked in and could vanish into a crowd much more easily than a bipedal donkey wearing a yellow robe with checkerboard edging had any right to do.
He had a goldfish in a plastic bag. She was a small, neat-finned goldfish with kinder eyes than are usual among fish. Quick was only guessing about the "she" pronoun. He wasn't sure how to tell the difference, or if it mattered one way or the other. Well, it probably mattered to another goldfish. He wasn't sure if the kindness of the goldfish's eyes was really the
Ice Cream Moral - OriginalOnce upon a Summer dayIce Cream Moral - Original11 years ago in Traditional Fixed Forms More Like This
Two kids were by the street
And they were eating ice cream cones
So they could beat the heat.
One was a boy, not too young
His age was almost nine
He had a double chocolate scoop
And it tasted mighty fine.
Then there's the girl, his sister, who
Was eleven years of age;
She licked on her vanilla cone
Cause vanilla's all the rage.
Both were very happy
Eating cream of white and brown,
When the little boy licked just too hard
And a scoop fell to the ground.
The little girl just looked and laughed,
"Ha ha, you little brat;
You just dropped yours on the ground
So how do you like that?"
It's not nice to pick on others, so,
As you could surely tell,
She went back to her own ice cream
And suddenly it fell.
The little boy saw this scene
Of two creams on the floor
And then went back to eating his,
For he had one scoop more.
"I like this very much," he said,
His sister looking bum,
"My chocolate cone tastes sweeter
Now that you have none."
Shin Contest Part 1 ~ [Infinity]Shin Contest Part 1 ~ [Infinity]3 years ago in Sci-Fi More Like This
"Lo, Mothra saw the burning rubble left by the unknown intruder, whose very presence offended the Earth, causing unnatural imbalances. The Invader had come to serve its purpose, and disappeared just as quickly. But the destruction it left was monumental...but somehow familiar, only exponentially greater.
Suddenly - Mothra's wings went limp and her blood ran cold. Some unknown force - greater than Gravity itself - had completely grounded her. As she fell - she managed to use the last of her strength to turn herself around. From the ground, she saw a dark figure. She realized that the invader was still there!
She watched its form descend with each beat of its six monstrous wings. The sight of it filled the Peaceful Deity with terror, and she realized why; the Weight of its power had brought her to the ground!!! And then something
The Language of Mom- JoshieI don't know about your family, but my family has its own language. No, scratch that. My MOM has her own language. We all speak it pretty fluently, so I took the liberty of preparing a crash course in the Language of Mom.The Language of Mom- Joshie8 years ago in Biography & Memoir More Like This
You've Got Another Thing Coming:
definition: You would do well to never speak in my presence again. Go to your room right now before I actually DO give you another thing coming.
usage: "If you think I was put on this earth to pay your parking tickets, you have got another thing coming, Lindsay Christine Brooks."
Young Lady/Young Man:
definition: You are in an unbelievable amount of trouble. You are about to endure a lecture so long that I may well have another child before it is over. Sit down and shut your mouth.
usage: "Where in Heaven's name were you, young lady?"
What Were You THINKING:
definition: This is a trick question. There is only one acceptable answer: absolute silence. Hanging your head is good. Giggling is a death sentence.
usage: "You were gone for five
Happy ThanksgivingIn America, around this time today (1700 hours EST) many families have either gorged themselves on succulent feasts or are wondering if that damned turkey is ever going to thaw out. Burned rolls are greeted at the table with accepting smiles, and Aunt Mildred's mincemeat pie has once again befuddled the family as to what it's actually made of.Happy Thanksgiving7 years ago in Historical More Like This
Yes, America is once again celebrating that long ago event when Arnold Schwartenegger returned from the future and tried to kill us all and was soundly defeated. No wait... I'm being told it's a celebration steeped in more mystery than that. It observes the successful first winter harvest of our Pilgrim forefathers, foremothers, and foreoffspring way back in 1921. No, sorry... 1621.
The traditional story goes that boatloads of puritan British settlers braved the stormy Atlantic hoping for a new life free from religious persecution. They made landfall in what is now New England, whe
Elf vs. Orc 5Sings-to-Trees's primary thought through the whole violent encounter was Not the throat again!Elf vs. Orc 59 years ago in Fantasy More Like This
His neck hurt. He felt like a troll had used his esophagus as a dance floor. This could not be healthy. If he lived through this, he swore he would be nice to his throat for the rest of the year. Hot teas. Scarfs during winter. Anything.
For awhile, he didn't think he was going to live to see sunrise, let alone winter.
Then she'd apologized. The orc had stood there, with a distinctly sheepish expression on her face, and she'd apologized.
None of his patients ever apologized. Most of them couldn't talk, and it didn't seem to occur to the ones who could.
Half of him wanted to reply automatically—No, it's okay, these things happen, don't worry about it—and the other half was jumping up and down screaming You just tried to kill me, you green-faced lunatic! You can't just apologize for trying to kill people!
Perhaps fortunately, his throat was aching too badly
Elf vs. Orc 9Sings-to-Trees' head shot up. He knew Fleabane's barks like the back of his hand. Short, rapid barks, not grating, hysterical ones--somewhere between a greeting and a warning. Fleabane knew the person approaching, but he didn't really like them.Elf vs. Orc 99 years ago in Fantasy More Like This
That meant it was either one of the humans from down the road (excepting Matilda, who brought cheeses and always had a tidbit for a hungry coyote) or the rangers.
"Shit!" Sings-to-Trees leapt to his feet and began kicking Celadon's armor under the bed, followed by the extra blankets.
Celadon got unsteadily to her feet. "What is it?"
"Company. Might be rangers."
She could have asked questions, like "Are you going to turn me in?" or "Why are you panicking, if they're your people?" but Celadon was not inclined to waste time on stupid questions. She looked around hurriedly for a hiding place.
Sings-to-Trees caught her elbow. "Do you trust me?"
"Does it matter?"
"I suppose not."
Getting her into the hiding place was awkward, but Celadon took it in s
THE FEUD part 3Jab, cab, ice, dice Sasori mouthed the words to himself as he painstakingly wrote on the paper in front of him, feeling Deidara watch his progress over his shoulder.THE FEUD part 37 years ago in Fan Fiction More Like This
Youre doing good, un, he stated aloud, watching his pupils progress.
Thanks, brat, Sasori said, dropping the pencil and rubbing his sore hand, a tired smile on his face. He set aside the school supplies and pulled a small piece of wood out of his pocket, chipping away at it with his pocket knife.
Watcha doing, un?
It doesnt look like art, un.
It aint art yet. But gimme time, and itll make an awesome puppet.
But thats not art either! Deidara exclaimed. Art is a blast, un!
No it aint! Its eternal, idjut.
Art aint eternal, its short like my bombs, un!
Sasori suddenly stopped arguing and broke out into laughter.
DPMGB Chapter 07Author's Notes: This story is a crossover of two franchises with some minor changes in timeline and I ask the reader who may not know either franchise or both to just sit back; play some tunes and enjoy the story.DPMGB Chapter 074 years ago in Humor More Like This
Danny Phantom Meets the Ghostbusters
The Ghostbusters walked out Amity's city hall and walked down the steps to the Ecto-1 with umbrellas.
"You know, I'm thinking it was a bad idea to come. I mean look at the files this guy has on ghosts; pirate ghost kid, a hypnotizing rock n roll ghost, a ghost dog, and a box full of psycho spooks" Winston said looking over a few files in a box Vlad gave them.
"True, but this one box he gave me is just on this Phantom kid and the trouble he's caused" Peter held a huge box overflowing of papers and folders.
"Gentleman, with this information, we could finish this job in a week or two" Egon looked at his PKE Meter.
"You mean this may likely become a two week job of non-stop Ghost busting?!" Winston asked.
"Yes, isn't it exciting?!" R
Top 10: Predictions for 2010Top 10: Predictions for 2010Top 10: Predictions for 20106 years ago in Humor More Like This
10. Sequel to smash-hit 2012 movie begins filming.
9. New DeviantArt "Personal Gropes" feature implemented. Thousands disappointed when it's revealed to be merely a typo of "Groups".
8. Global Warming is confirmed a hoax when giant space heaters are discovered in Antarctica.
7. "USDA American Beef" revealed to be made from recycled homeless people. Sales are unaffected.
6. Reality to be replaced with a cunning simulation, supported by clickable ads.
5. McDonalds releases new Happy Your Ass Up Meal, laced with antidepressants.
4. eBay accidentally auctions cursed relics from Hell, opening a space-time vortex in which Stephanie Meyer is a best-selling author with two movies made from her books.
3. Pirates vs. Ninjas debate settled once and for all when Johnny Depp is cast in Ninja Assassin II: Ninjas of the Caribbean.
2. Dan Brown's latest novel I'm Just Making Shit Up Now remains #1 on the best-seller list fo
DPMGB Chapter 08Author's Notes: This story is a crossover of two franchises with some minor changes in timeline and I ask the reader who may not know either franchise or both to just sit back; play some tunes and enjoy the story.DPMGB Chapter 084 years ago in Humor More Like This
Danny Phantom Meets the Ghostbusters
At Axion labs, Vlad walked through the halls with the lead scientists who, under company policy, were to salute Masters like a commander.
"Gentleman, I'd prefer to be left alone in my office before I finish checking out the facilities and all of its projects" Masters demanded.
"Yes sir Mayor Masters" the scientists said as they left him to walk into his office. Vlad walked behind his desk and pressed a hidden button. Vlad sat down and disappeared from the office. Unbeknownst to all at Axion, Vlad was sliding down a secret shaft that he built to his secret laboratory beneath the research facility. He phased into Vlad Plasmius as he arrived to his lab and walked beyond the shelves of books, tables full of chemicals, and giant tubs
Elf vs. Orc 8Celadon woke up in the elf's arms.Elf vs. Orc 89 years ago in Fantasy More Like This
This sounded a lot more romantic than it actually was.
For one thing, learning to sleep in proximity to another person is an acquired skill. You learn what to do with the arm that always seems to get stuck between you and where to put your feet and whether they mind having a leg draped over theirs and who can use whose arm as a pillow without nerve damage or a sore neck. Then there's the whole complex negotiation of blanket treaties and sheets and who gets what and who needs layers and who has to stick their feet out.
Without acquiring these vital habits, you wake up pretty much like Celadon—stiff, sore, with a knee wedged into your ribs and blankets tangled around both of them like sleeping anacondas.
While it's traditional when parties of the opposite sex find themselves entangled for someone's hands to be in an embarrassing position, that actually wasn't the case. She was pretty much in the elf's lap, where one of his knees was up and digging into
Elf vs. Orc 3Sings-to-Trees was being strangled.Elf vs. Orc 39 years ago in Fantasy More Like This
He'd always expected a patient to kill him some day, but he'd thought he would be a lot older, and it would be an angry bull or a careless moment with a manticore or something along those lines, with an outside chance of being crushed under a nearsighted troll. He really hadn't anticipated anything like this.
The orc had been giggling to herself for a few minutes, and when he tried to talk to her, she only giggled harder. He didn't know if she could speak any of the languages, or if she was so delirious that she wasn't even hearing him. He had no real idea what the normal temperature for an orc was, but her skin burned against his fingers, and if he had to guess, he'd say she was running quite a high fever.
There was something very surreal about a giggling orc. It wasn't malicious, like when pixies left flaming piles of pixie-crap on your doorstep and hid to watch you step in it. This was a throaty, genuinely amused chuckle—reduced to a s