30 Ways Ratchet30 Ways Ratchet4 years ago in Humor More Like This
30 Ways to Make TFP Ratchet Angrier than He Already Is
1. Change the base's alarm tone to "Spy vs. Spy"
2. Put Gorilla Glue on the button to his comlink and watch as he presses his fingers to it.
4. Empty out a jar of frogs into his spare parts drawer.
5. Run around him in circles wearing a miner's hardhat.
6. Dig up the grounds in front of the base and claim you are mining for diamonds.
7. Hug him.
9. (If you are a male) Take a seat next to him as he is on break and slowly scoot next to him. Demurely stutter out that you "missed your last period" and that the both of you are pregnant. This works especially well if this is the first time you have seen or spoken to him that day.
10. Scream to him that "FOOTIE PAJAMAS CAN TALK!!" and perch on his head and refuse to relocate yourself.
11. Make moonshine and offer Optimus a generous glass.
12. Replace his energon with stagnant pond water.
13. Sing "Like a G6" and make multiple batches of "sizzurp
A Dance to Remember -Botcon- Note: This is the copy of A Dance to Remember that I gave to Peter Cullen at Botcon. It's an edited version with more emotion and and romantic tension between Optimus and Mikaela.A Dance to Remember -Botcon-6 years ago in Fan Fiction More Like This
Mikaela Banes angrily flung her corsage down in the empty street. Then she unbuckled the straps of her uncomfortable high heels, transferred the shoes to her left hand and reached up to tug the bobby pins holding her hair up in a bun. Finally, after shoving the pins into her purse with a disgusted growl, she resumed walking.
Prom night was supposed to be a joyful event. She spent more money than she'd like on her dark red halter gown with a slit up to her thigh and matching ruby earrings. Sam's mother kindly offered to pay for her hair and makeup. She was all dolled up for the perfect night.
But no...instead of a special, peaceful evening...she got Sam and Trent having a fist fight in the parking lot. The cops took them both away in cu
Through the Shattered Glass Ch. 5At long last, a way back home. Back to their side of the mirror, a way to once more shatter the glass. Jack and Miko run up to Rafael, picking up the youth and spinning him around in victory praising his genius. How blind they had been, not to even check if the flow of time was the same in this world as it was back home.Through the Shattered Glass Ch. 53 years ago in Sci-Fi More Like This
"Raf you are a genius!" Miko squeals grappling him to a tight spinning hug
Jack cheers excitedly, "This can work right? We can really get home?"
Rafael nods and readjusts his glasses, "It makes sense! Its the only logical way we could have gotten here in the first place," he points at the screen as Soundwave begins to run the simulation again, "When we were in the ground bridge, a solar flare, basically a strong burst of radiation across the entire electromagnetic spectrum, in other words, something powerful enough to disrupt a ground bridge hit Earth. Solar flares been proven to cause problem to all forms of electronics from radios to even the most advance technology
Through the Shattered Glass Ch. 7The vortex swirls a vicious red carrying its organic passengers through space and across dimensional planes, the inside rocket hot, they quickly pull down their hoods, lock arms with each other and kneel, no matter what they had to stay together. Though it felt like eternity, the trip last only a few short seconds. They listen hearing the sound of glass shattering but in reverse. Just when they thought they could bear the heat no more, the vortex opens and tosses them them into a bright light.Through the Shattered Glass Ch. 73 years ago in Sci-Fi More Like This
Screaming, they tumble and hit the parcheddehydrated ground sliding across their hands and backs. Rafael remains on his back and groans reaching up to adjust his glasses but too afraid to open his eyes, “Did... did it work?”
Miko pushes herself up, having landed on her side and looks around, “The sky is blue, there are a lot of rocks.”
Jack let's loose a hiss, the palms of his hands scraped open from impact, he stands up and pulls back the hood, “We're on Earth, I th
Through the Shattered Glass Ch. 4Bulkhead stomps into a small clearing, his toxic green shell standing out against the forest, “Been a while, Wheeljack.”Through the Shattered Glass Ch. 43 years ago in Sci-Fi More Like This
“Been a while, Bulkhead.” a dark red and green hinted with white Autobot replies looking down at his large friend from atop a boulder, “What are you doing in this organic wasteland?” The lone assassin inquires stretching his hand out to the forest, nature had long since taken over what mankind had built. Trees stand in houses, reaching through the roofs, vines cover telephone poles, the road lays cracked by roots, what was once a fence now no more then a rusted captive of the woods.
“You haven't heard?” Bulkhead answers, “The humans are heading to the far east side of this landmass. Megatron's picked himself up some human pets. Figured if we caused some mayhem for the locals....”
Wheeljack punches his one fist into an open hand catching on, “We'd be able to hand the 'Cons to Optimus on a gol
Through the Shattered Glass Ch. 3Starscream flies alone high in the skies over the devastated wasteland. The apocalypse seems to have struck and was quickly spreading across this primitive world. The seeker shutters as sour memories of Cybertron's darkest, final hours return to haunt him. If they were not swift, Earth would suffer the same fate under the tyrannical gaze of Optimus, the False Prime.Through the Shattered Glass Ch. 33 years ago in Sci-Fi More Like This
His mind drifts back to the last several days. Never did he think they would befriend the natives of this world, much less those from a mirrored universe. Such a thing seemed impossible! But those three young humans were living proof that it was possible, with a ground bridge glitch, to cross into a mirror universe. The humans have to get back to their own world, a task proving to be impossible but ever growing in importance. Starscream wouldn't openly admit it, but he was getting slightly attached to the humans, however, this world was far from safe for them. They don't belong here anyway! They had to find someone to get t
Through the Shattered Glass Ch. 2What a Spring Break this would be indeed. Barely pass noon of the first day free from school, Jack Miko, and Rafael had already found themselves in the hands of the Decepticons. More correctly, they now stand on Megatron's cupped servos, the large former gladiator curling his claws around them in a protective shield preventing a hard twenty plus foot drop to the metal floor of the Nemesis. But, for the first time, the small organics were grateful to be surrounded by the Decepticon army, their only protectors in this bizarre world that mirrors their own.Through the Shattered Glass Ch. 23 years ago in Sci-Fi More Like This
Decepticons here have concerned blue eyes and wish for the protection of the human race that inhabits Earth. While the Autobot's eyes glow a vicious red seeking the destruction of the human race, and those who survive would be put to work as slaves. There was speculation of separate dimensions, even before the war that destroyed Cybertron, many mused over the idea. But not until this faithful morning did they have any proof.
Through the Shattered Glass EpilogueThe new Prime could barely walk on his own two legs, Breakdown and Dreadwing happily carry their leader to the med bay, Knockout racing ahead to prepare. Arachnid brings up the rear watching in concern, Starscream taking matter into his own hands and shooing the prying vehicons. Soundwave returns to the helm of the Nemesis ushering the flying fortress away from the ruins of the Black Tower leaving the human military to cover their tracks.Through the Shattered Glass Epilogue2 years ago in Sci-Fi More Like This
“Nice and easy, sir,” Breakdown speaks as he and Dreadwing lay Megatronus Prime on the medical berth, “Knockout will have you fixed in no time.”
Megatronus merely let's out a low groan, his left servo flying to grip at his chest just over his spark, “Taking the Matrix... I am certain it is not meant to hurt this badly....”
“I don't believe that is the Matrix causing you such pain, sir,” Knockout answers gently moving his leader's servo and running a scanner across the Prime's spark chamber, “
Through the Shattered Glass Ch. 6Optimus stands atop his tower looking out onto the barren landscape, long abandoned by the natives of this world. This tower was just the start, soon this planet would make for an exquisite Autobot base. Once his fellow Autobots, scattered to the stars by this war regrouped under his command once more, Megatron and his pathetic Decepticons will not stand a chance. The Dark Prime chuckle and grins, “Megatron has grown soft and weak with time.”Through the Shattered Glass Ch. 63 years ago in Sci-Fi More Like This
“How so?” Ratchet inquires, standing behind Optimus, his optics gleaming a vibrant purple.
“Humans,” Optimus answers simply, “He has given three humans refuge among his own. He cares for them, puts his mechs lives on the line to save the squishy, repulsive things.
Ratchet blinks, “Optimus, I must point out, the humans have begun to learn of our weak points. Bulkhead and Wheeljack's audios were damaged by the sound screecher one of them made, and the three he is sheltering, they know about us! About t
Through the Shattered GlassThis was bad, this was bad! Three human youths pound their feet as the run through a nightmarish landscape that was, perhaps once upon a time, their home of Jasper, Nevada. They weren't sure as to how they got here, something must have caused the ground bridge to become unstable. Suddenly the lone female of the group darts behind some rubble, then grabs and pull the tallest male, who in turn grabs their youngest member. At last, a chance to catch their breathe and clear their lungs of smoke. They cough heavily then breathe through either sleeves or collars.Through the Shattered Glass3 years ago in Sci-Fi More Like This
“W-where are we?” Rafael whimpers in fear.
Miko answers sarcastically, “Jasper, Nevada. Welcome to Hell on Earth! Enjoy your stay.”
“Miko!” Jack snarls at her looking out from their hiding place. This was wrong, this wasn't the Jasper they knew. Raf's idea of going to a different dimensional seems more logical by the second, more so after crossing what they thought was a
100 Ways to Annoy Starscream100 Ways to Annoy Starscream:100 Ways to Annoy Starscream4 years ago in Humor More Like This
1) Inform him that Megatron will always be the better leader of the Decepticons. Always.
2) Take a video of Megatron beating up Screamer and post it on Youtube. Be sure every Decepticon and Autobot sees it so they can taunt him about being Megatron's bitch.
3) Ask Starscream where his 'Kiss the Cook' apron is. After all, he has pointed out in multiple universes that he is 'home Megatron' like the good little wife he is.
4) Tell G1 Screamer that in Prime he has 'obsolete' technology that he refuses to upgrade it. Oh yeah, and he no longer has his precious null-ray.
5) Tell Starscream that he is a lying, big-headed, bitchy suck-up of a whimp.
6) Ask Screamer what's up with the constant change in his chin size. Does he enjoy cosmetic surgery that much?
7) Ask Screamer also if that bad attitude has to do with the size of his... ahem... you know.
8) Related to number 7 if you're daring, add that "It's no wonder Megatron's the dominant one in the relation
30 Ways Bumblebee30 Ways Bumblebee4 years ago in Humor More Like This
30 Ways to Make TFP Bumblebee Rather Angry
1. Send Raf to Ireland in a wooden crate.
2. When Raf isn't around, falsely translate his beeps and clicks into messages of sexual paraphernalia and blunt profanity.
3. Inform Ratchet that Bumblebee is clueless about the "facts of life" the human "facts of life".
4. Watch and laugh as Ratchet attempts to explain the "birds and the bees" to the yellow Autobot.
5. Make clothing out of twine, lettuce, and tortillas, and wear them continuously.
6. Play DDR without a DDR machine present.
7. Place gummy worms at strategic stepping points in his room.
8. Make chocolate energon cookies for him, but substitute potting soil for the chocolate.
9. Decorate the walls of his quarters with magazine cut-outs of pot leaves.
10. Hug him.
12. Procure a watermelon and a large mallet around 3 or 4 in the morning. While he is asleep, place the fruit next to his head. Raise the mallet to a 45-degree angle behind you and
Lost in the MirrorHaving slipped passed Ratchet's radar, Smokescreen wonders through the halls of the makeshift Autobot base, the young recruit is very curious of the human world and the new base he has taken shelter in, even if such a trait often lead to a lecture from the grumpy doctor.Lost in the Mirror2 years ago in Sci-Fi More Like This
Through one of the many large doors, a shimmer of silver catches his optics, gleaming out from behind the dirty glass. Smokescreen hums in thought and turns, placing one hand over a control panel the causing the door to creak open. The gears groan in dire need of oil, the Elite Guard winces covering his audios at the horrid sound, “Primus I know these humans have oil! Poor thing... I'll bring you some later alright?” he speaks the old machine in pity. Shaking away the ringing noise he walks into the hanger, he reaches out to the hidden silver object, the slight gleam beaconing him closer, wanting to be held again. With two fingers he grabs it, it feels like the fabric humans wear, but, with the same texture
30 Ways Megatron30 Ways Megatron4 years ago in Humor More Like This
30 Ways to Make TFP Megatron Bite You
1. Eat all of his Dark Energon.
2. Watch James Bond films at the highest volume the TV can go to.
3. Drape yourself in Christmas lights and stumble around while moaning.
4. Procure at least a pound of ground beef from the deli. Smear it all over your stomach, and add barbecue sauce for good measure. Fetch a power drill and a metal pipe. Sprawl yourself onto his bed and start twitching and making gagging noises when he comes home.
5. Every time he says the word "conquest", chuck cabbage at his head.
6. Frequently act out the role of Superman and Captain Marvel's love child while you two are out in public.
7. Hug him.
9. Stand in a corner wide-eyed with a metal baseball bat for five hours.
10. Sing "Mr. Roboto" very loudly and very badly at ungodly hours of the night.
11. Write a letter declaring the utmost fluffy feelings of love and passion to Bulkhead and sign it with Megatron's name.
12. Make Soundwave
30 Ways Starscream30 Ways Starscream4 years ago in Humor More Like This
30 Ways to Make TFP Starscream Fire Missiles at You
1. Talk through all hours of the day about M-rated MegsXScream fanfiction.
2. Send a letter to Knockout that describes his fluffiest and lemony feelings of romance for the medic signed with the second-in-command's name.
3. Throw balloons filled with taco sauce at random Vehicon troops as they pass by Starscream's quarters.
4. Walk backwards behind him while playing the ukulele for three straight hours.
5. Hug him.
7. Decorate the interior of his quarters with catalog cut-outs of weed whackers.
8. Replace his energon with Clorox toilet bowl cleaner.
9. Spew out numerous quotes from "Pride and Prejudice".
10. Keep this up whenever he gives a motivational speech.
11. Place a pile of bananas on his crotch while he is in sleep mode and see how long it takes him to notice.
12. Continuously remark that his legs look like he's wearing women's high-heeled boots.
13. Tape a picture of Optimus Prime to his rear and lead him past Skyq
30 Ways Optimus30 Ways Optimus4 years ago in Humor More Like This
30 Ways to Make TPF Optimus Punch You in the Face
1. Paint a mouth with big, luscious lips on his mouthplate when he has it on.
2. Put a dead iguana in his energon.
3. Threaten to tell the world that he sleeps with a stuffed llama.
4. Whack Ratchet in the back of the head with a shovel. When he turns around to find the perpetrator and disperse justice, place the gardening tool into Optimus' hands and point innocently at him.
5. Perform a cannibalistic ritual in front of the Autobot base which involves tying Bumblebee to a pole and dancing around him with a spear. Whenever someone walks by, screech at them to frighten them off.
6. Declare yourself the king (or queen) of Iacon and dye your hair a shade of neon green.
7. Dress in a banana suit and sing "Peanut Butter Jelly Time" while he is the medbay.
8. Tie a steel cable around Bulkhead's neck, get on his back, and make him run down the hall towards Optimus shouting, "YEEEEE-HAAAAW!!"
9. At completely random moment
Doom De YaddaDoom De Yadda4 years ago in Humor More Like This
Megatron: Boom de adah
I love destruction,
I love the burning fumes!
I love the torture,
Of traitors in my view!
I love to hear the screams,
Of those beneath my feet,
Doom Di Ada, Doom Di Ada, Doom Di Ada, Doom Di Ada.
I hate the Autobots,
And their Chivalrous views,
I love to shoot them,
Whene'er they come in view!
All those that do run,
Their fears will be confirmed!
Doom Di Ada, Doom Di Ada, Doom Di Ada, Doom Di Ada.
I am your ruler,
and I love to torture you!
I hate your weak will,
I hate your defiance too!
I love to eat your Sparks,
You're a weak pathetic fool!
Doom Di Ada, Doom Di Ada, Doom Di Ada, Doom Da Ada,
Doom Di Ada, Doom Di Ada, Doom Di Ada, Doom Da Ada,
Doom Di Ada, Doom Di Ada, Doom Di Ada, Doom Da Ada...
100 Ways to Annoy Knockout100 Ways to Annoy Knockout:100 Ways to Annoy Knockout4 years ago in Humor More Like This
1) Tell him that red is defiantly not his color. In fact, you think he could use a paint job. And his optics should now be blue.
2) Explain in a dreamy voice that you would love to ride in the most powerful Cybertronian vehicle out there you want to hear the purr of the engine and feel the soft vibrations of the car yes, you really would love a ride inside of Optimus Prime.
3) Tell Knockout that the Vehicon (Decepticon drones) know more about cars then he does.
4) After a long hard battle against the Autobots, go up to Knockout and say you've seen better fighting from a sparkling. Oh yeah, and he's got some dents and scratches right there, there annnddd there.
5) Scratch Knockout's paint job and tell him with the sweetest voice possible, "Buff that".
6) Explain to Knockout the two main versions of 'knock out' (1: Being drop-dead sexy and 2: being K.O'd in a fight). Then tell him he was named after the second definition, as any Autobot can
TFP Emblem Chapter 8: Mind GamesTFP Emblem Chapter 8: Mind Games3 years ago in Introductions & Chapters More Like This
30 Ways: Knock Out30 Ways: Knock Out4 years ago in Humor More Like This
30 Ways to Make TFP Knock Out Mad
1. Suggest in any way, shape, or form that he is gay.
2. Procure a couple of paint balloons and throw one at Starscream when he has his back turned. As he turns around, place the other offending projectile into Knock Out's hands and silently point at the medic.
3. Write beautiful messages on his car door with a key.
4. Lick his elbows while he is asleep.
5. Smoosh moldy avocadoes on his car seats while he is in vehicle mode.
6. Somehow convince a nearby farmer to dump a truck full of steer manure onto the medic when he is making a pit-stop.
7. Sing NSYNC songs all throughout the night as the entire crew of the Nemesis is trying to sleep while still in close proximity to Knock Out's audio receptors.
8. Perform a pole dance on his Energon prod.
9. Send a letter to Optimus signed with Knock Out's name proclaiming his desires towards the Autob
Little One Chapter 1 Little OneLittle One Chapter 13 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
As the smoke cleared from the air and the sounds of gunfire faded off into the distance, the destruction from the Decepticons' latest attack let itself be known. Debris, from what had once been buildings, was littered across the ground of what had formally been the Youth Sectors. The Youth Sectors had been home to practically all of Cybertron's sparklings and younglings and it had been thought that this would be the one place where they would be safe from the war that had been ravaging their home planet for a long time now. None had thought that the Decepticons would ever attack here, but they were wrong.
Upon seeing the ruins the Autobots quickly spread out every single one of them hoping to find survivors. The Autobot leader, Optimus Prime, was currently looking for one sparkling in particular. Seeing all of the destruction around him, Optimus was regretting ever sending the sparkling here. All he and Elita had wanted was to keep their son safe an
Babysitting CMTitle: BabysittingBabysitting CM3 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
Warnings: fluff, humor(?), TFP
Ratchet had never been so pissed off with his teammates in his life and his teammates had never been more terrified of his wrath. He was practically screaming at them and the humans for messing with his medical tools. The medic had a few trinkets that he never wanted anyone to touch, not even him due to their instability. Now, because Miko had been playing with his things, they accidently fired off his age ray which ended hitting Optimus right in the back, turning him from the great Autobot leader to a sparkling that was Rafael's size with a five year old childish mentality.
He had kicked everyone out of the base so he could work on his gun in peace. He was no weapons specialist, but he knew how to construct certain gadgets, something he had picked up from his friends back before the war. He was in his quarters with the now sparkling Optimus sitting on the floor, making little coo noises as h
The Strangest of Places [Rescue Bots]Chapter Eight: One Bot and a BabyThe Strangest of Places [Rescue Bots]3 years ago in General Fiction More Like This
Chief Burns slowly seated himself at his kitchen table, relaxing into the plastic chair with a wordless sigh and lifted the mug in his hand, inhaling the warm, bitter smell of his black coffee. "Peace and quiet," he chuckled softly, basking in the simple tranquility. He raised the mug to his lips, about to savor the coffee he had been so deprived of, when
"Dad! I can't find the robo-baby!"
Charlie sighed, setting the mug down with a clack. "Well, it was nice while it lasted. What is it, Kade?"
There was the sound of heavy, continuous footfalls from the floor above before the young man came tromping down the stairs, skidding to a stop before the kitchen table, hair askew and arms in the air.
"That's it! It's been kidnapped!" Kade cried on the verge of hysteria, large hands flying to cover his head in horrified realization. "Call the police! Bring the whole squadron!"
Charlie, not having moved from his seat at the kitchen table, only quirked a