lesson learned.you weren't teaching me,lesson learned.3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
but i learned.
i know more about what not to do,
|| || to say,
|| || to look for,
and most of all,
what to watch out for.
alone in the class room, still.
i'm not locked in,
the door's how you always had it - open for a quick getaway.
i'm just cemented in my seat,
struggling with the urge to finally leave.
my mind wanders.
sometimes imagining an epiphanic return,
and how if you did that i'd ask that this time you
What you never were.When I was fifteenWhat you never were.3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
you seemed like the best kind of bad idea,
and full of half-hearted promises
scarlet tinged dreams,
for some reason I thought of you as a toy solider with a dented tin helmet.
You didn't believe in christmas
You didn't know how to have meals on kitchen tables,
but you half-smiled at me while tracing sharp edges against my neck,
I'd always liked puzzles and I thought I could put you back together again.
I don't suppose
I put up many walls to stop you
from climbing over bricks and into my bed
but I was nearly sixteen
and wanted to taste something
other than a small town waiting on a low hope future
and you seemed to have a fast track forward with the car keys glittering in your hands.
I knew your heart was coated in a hard candy shell,
but when I cracked you I didn't expect to find a hollow
leaving a sour taste in my mouth
spiking like glass shards against my tongue.
When I was fifteen
I was still expecting someone to be my he
You'll Never Understand...You'll never understand...You'll Never Understand...3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
But I'm glad you don't.
Because that would mean
You'd have to go through my pain.
And I'd never wish that
fold into wings"i saw him again today."fold into wings6 years ago in Emotional More Like This
"and what happened?"
"my heart fell like an anchor into my stomach and my body sank like a ship onto the ground."
"are you okay?"
"i don't know."
"is he okay?"
"oh yes. he is just too beautiful and i am just ugly now. maybe in a past life i was full of his kisses and paper cranes of his arms but now i look in the mirror and think, what is this disgusting thing and why is it crying from there? and even with half a mind and half a thought i still know that something isn't quite right. and i do think i'm right about that."
"what isn't right?"
"what is? look, i have goosebumps now- it's because it's much too cold and he's much too far away. it's because i'm used to staring at my fingers and my wrists, my wrists that are encrusted with the shadow of rough hands. climbing trees to get away from his running feet. climbing towards him afterwards because i swear there's a magnetic force underneath his shirt. climbing down and up depending on how crazy i am at the time.
Am I Good Enough...?Legs crossed on a cold basement floor,Am I Good Enough...?2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Blood stains painting my flesh,
The wounds deeper than ever before,
A white gown now a short black dress.
Long tangled hair clinging to my tears
Wind howling through the trees,
Moonlight painting a sky so clear,
And darling, I'm going to be set free.
My fingers scratch at the blood on my skin,
A delightful pain at the thought of a touch,
And hey, everyone who said I wasn't worth it,
Now am I good enough?
Sick of societyI may live inside my own, twisted universeSick of society3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
I may change, sometimes for the worst.
What's normal to me is not normal for you.
Sometimes I just do what I need to do.
Behind a brick wall, I hoped someone would break it
I threw out my heart hoping someone would take it.
But I got tired of hiding and tired of hating
And instead of throwing myself at every guy, I'm waiting.
I'm sick of the person I tried to be
So basically, here I am, I will be me
I'm sick of the hatred, would you not agree?
.. Basically I'm sick of society.
And Daddy always lied.My legs are covered in bruisesAnd Daddy always lied.3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
And I have a scar by my left eye.
I’m not allowed to smile, though
And I’m not allowed to cry.
I think my right arm’s broken
But shh, don’t tell my dad.
He doesn’t like to worry bout me
When he’s already mad.
I have a burn on my left wrist
From when he pushed my arm
Against the stove, the hot, hot stove
And did a bit of harm.
I have a bear, a teddy bear.
He doesn’t have a name.
He makes me better every time
I’m feeling hurt and shame.
Today, my dad came home kind of late
A beer still in his hand.
I closed my eyes and waited.
He screamed, he shouted, and…
Well, my name is Mary Starr
And this is how I died.
But daddy always loved me.
And daddy always lied.
Gun Within The MirrorIt feels as if my reflectionGun Within The Mirror2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Points a gun at its own head,
As my bullet shoots the mirror
And paints the floor with red,
And it feels as if my gun
Just isn't steady in my hand,
Because darling, when I jump off cliffs,
Do you think I always land?
It feels as if the razor blade
Might be my only friend,
And it feels as if the broken glass
Might soon begin to bend,
Because my reflection is distorted, love.
Can't you see that, love, can't you see?
I'm pointing a gun at the mirror,
And the mirror points back at me.
I am a labelI slid the blade across my wristI am a label3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Again and again.
Maybe I’m an emotional freak.
I cause fights and arguments
Maybe I’m a troublemaker.
I use make up to make myself seem
Maybe I’m girly.
I complain about things
Even when sometimes
Maybe I’m an attention seeker.
I fall under so many
So maybe I am a label.
I’m just me.
Mommy, He's LyingMommy, he said it, he said it was true.Mommy, He's Lying3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Mommy, he said it, he said "I love you."
Mommy, he said it, he said it was real
Mommy, please know how to think, how i feel
Mommy, this love is the truth, it's the way
Mommy, he said it, he said it today.
Mommy, he's lying, he's lying to me
Mommy, he's telling a lie, can't you see?
Mommy, he never did mean what he said
Mommy, his voice is pounding in my head.
Mommy, he's lying, his love isn't pure
Love's a disease and he's finding the cure.
Mommy, he's lying, what else can I say...
Mommy, he hit me, he killed me today.
Mommy, he lied to me, why did he lie?
Mommy, he lied through his tears, through his cries
Mommy, his lies I just couldn't see through
Mommy, he lied to me.
What'd I ever do?
Rent me a room in your left ventricle...What good is a heart if one does notRent me a room in your left ventricle...3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Utilize its chambers
To hold stories,
To hide secrets,
To invite friends in
When they have nowhere else to go ...?
What good is the human brain
If one does not
Exercise its muscle
By solving problems,
By fixing hearts that have become to full
Or have been empty for too long?
What good is the human body
If one does not
Stretch its arms around another,
Help another up when they have fallen,
Sit with those who cannot yet stand?
What good am I
If I don't
Take your pain away
When it becomes too much for you to handle?
If I don't
Help you to see the reflection
That shows the real you?
What good are we,
Any of us,
And what good is a brain
And a heart
If nothing is meant to be shared?
If you are a victim...If you have ever faked a smileIf you are a victim...2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Slit your wrist
Cried yourself to sleep
Wished yourself gone
Chased a dream (and lost it)
Ended up in a nightmare…
Turned away from your “friends”
Tortured yourself over an error
If you are a victim…
Remember to stay strong.
Because you’re only a survivor
No Longer a Little GirlDear imagination, can't you be the thing you wereNo Longer a Little Girl3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Butterflies and daffodils and happiness so pure
Sunny skies and lullabies and dreams of what could be
Hidden worlds and wonderlands of things they couldn't see
Shining gowns and silver crowns for dancing with the prince
Twirling with excitement, though the others weren't convinced
Dear intimidation, did you find it to be true
All I ever needed was an overdose of you
Silly stares and laughter slowly flood a child's mind
Making me abandon every daydream I could find
Lost beneath the shadows of the sky so dark and dead
Far too weak to turn around, yet scared of things ahead
Dear destructive tendencies, I feel it's time to hear
You were all I had when nothing else seemed to be near
Everything so out of reach, too far for me to see
I decided I would choose the needle next to me
Slicing through my very skin to feel something once more
Weeping through the satisfaction I could not ignore
Dear imagination, can't you be the thing you were?
Lightning Bug CosmosI lace my skin up like a corset, peel back the blinds on my eyelids, and take a step forward, waking from the poppies to theLightning Bug Cosmos3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
lightning bug glow of truth tapping on my eardrums.
In front of the mirror I stand, but what I notice is not the awkward crook of my nose or butterfly lashes. I look into the lighted mirror as if searching for answers hidden under
Ribbon-like sets of
veins, arteries and nerves.
Sometimes it all flows correctly; sometimes everything becomes
knotted up in all the wrong places. Skin toughened by beatings brought about by the
ExistenceTwigs scraping viciously at open woundsExistence2 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Stabbing my flesh as I quickly sprint through
A forest so dark, and so cold, and so thick
My heart has been shattered, it’s making me sick
Ripped dirty clothing and blood in my eyes
No one is near to hear my fatal cries
Battling words while I’m battling fists...
How do you fight what just doesn’t exist?
The Truth Hurts, Doesn't It?Everyone has a secret.The Truth Hurts, Doesn't It?4 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Its the razor blade under their pillow.
The end of a toothbrush covered in bile,
Even a loaded gun stashed in your closet that was somehow 'misplaced'.
Its only the name of a crush scribbled over and over on a crumpled piece of paper,
The quiet whispers of where you snuck out to last night.
How you really passed that test.
Its the innocent sayings that hurt the most,
Pent up emotion that cuts the deepest
Your kin by blood that deal the killing blows.
Yet you continue to let them close enough to see the pain in your eyes,
Under the false hopes that instead of pushing you away,
They would accept you for what you are.
A monster of your own creation.
Don't try to change a creature of habit,
Never trust the wind to break your fall,
Promise you won't hide from something that is truly blind to reality.
Each person shouldn't have to change their ways
In order to be accepted by a society
Which stores their own s
PersonI believe I'm not a person anymore.Person3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
It seems like,
I am a stimulant for your soul.
I feel that
when you look at me you don't see
nor the spirit of a human,
and a way;
the last resource when everything's gone wrong
or when you're bored
or simply when
there's nothing else
and you want to feel like anything but
the scum of the earth.
I've stopped being a person,
now I am emotion and feeling.
I am living words
that you butcher and cook
and carry around to calm your ego
when it roars with overwhelming hunger.
Poor Man's GoldHush the youngest children, for the demon in the skiesPoor Man's Gold3 years ago in Free Verse More Like This
Treasuring the very thought of anyone's demise
Glitter fades to black and shining moonlight fades to dust
Every cruel man's wonderland is built of poor man's trust
Tragic, empty melodies and blood beneath the air
Fearlessly escape the wind and drown without a care
Treasure death as platinum, as silver and as gold
Every cruel man's wonderland is built of poor man's gold...
That Gay Boy Sitting Next To YouLook at the gay boy sitting next to you,That Gay Boy Sitting Next To You1 year ago in Free Verse More Like This
the one who you kick, physically torture and verbally abuse.
Look at his eyes that were once vibrant with life,
and keep in mind that you and your friend's were the one who stole his light.
You called him a sin and condemned him to hell,
every day he walked through the school doors, he was greeted with your intolerant yells.
With your injustice , you treated him as terribly as you pleased,
and when you were through with your torment, you treated him like some sort of disease.
Was religion your actual excuse to act like an ass,
or was there something that you refused to see past?
Because that gay boy who sits next you daily in class,
is the one who knows your present, future and past.
He knows where bullies come from, so don't hide fully behind Christianity.
Because when you go home, you yourself are showered with profanities.
The same fist you used to beat the blue eyed boy,
is the same fist that your father uses to wring around your neck